- See more women with stupid shit on their heads here
Well, I’m a spicy domestic goddess, so I’m buying the first one. I can’t wait to wear it when I go to the post office.
It’s also great for dusting the ceiling fan–turn it on low and stand underneath. Then you get to pretend you’re on a TV that gets really bad reception.
but she couldn’t even get the ‘i’m a little teapot’ pose right…
it’s fingers facing away from scowl NOT towards. honestly.
I love….lamp. I love Lamp!
Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it on the front page?
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Yes it is, and obviously you don’t get it, lol.
and will you call yourself Xochiquetzal or Xochiqutetzal?
Well, I don’t swing just one way or the other. I’m too openminded for that.
Are the hair extensions included with the first one?
Do you come from the Island of McCormick?
Finally, my dream to cosplay a lamp post can be fufilled!
I dunno, it’s actually pretty clever in it’s construction.
And pretty much the only one that won’t make me retch…
Clever construction doesn’t stop the fact you’d look incredibly silly wearing it.
For me, that would make it a WIN!
I want that hat specifically to look silly wearing it
Like a moth to the flame…
Is her sister married to Simon-Zinc-Trumpet Harris? He is married to a table lamp.
Oh, we’ll I guess I answered my other burning question of what sort of men would be married to women with stupid shit on their heads with my post above.
I found my Halloween costume! This year’s theme will be “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe”
Lamp post hat? Why not a bug zapper one with real dead flies?
Each hat also requires you to learn a specific special hand shake.
And several ceremonies.
I assume the first piece is called “she who dwells in the house” because that’s the only place you could wear it. Assuming you are a complete shut-in who lives alone, with no pets. And no windows. And no webcam.
No, you totally *have* to have pets. It’s a cat toy. My cats would love the shit out of that thing.
My cat would enjoy tearing it to pieces, yes. But not before he shunned me for wearing it.
I first read that as “complete slut-in,” and I don’t even know what that means.
Well, Lady Gaga has to get her shit from somewhere.
I thought she just glued shit on other shit to make her shit.
She spelled Xochiquetzal wrong in the listing title. Also, her pronunciation is wrong as well.
*end nerd alert*
*even bigger nerd alert*
Xochiquetzal comes from the nahuatl words xochitl and quetzal which mean flower feather not anything about dwelling in a house. I took nahuatl.
*end even bigger nerd alert*
Awww man! You beat me to it! I was typing pretty much the same thing in, thinking “there’s probably nobody that realizes that that is TOTALLY wrong, seeing as how Nahuatl kinda died out with the Aztecs.”
Then I thought “No, I’d better check just to be sure… Son of a bitch!”
I regret that I have but one thumb to give you. ; )
I knew it was wrong. But then again, I have a friend named Xochitl so I got kinda bored and started learning some Aztec pronunciations. (My cousin keeps calling her Social. It gives me an eye twitch.)
Ugh! That’s at least as bad as hearing people try to pronounce “Xochimilco” (A restaurant around here named after, I’m assuming, Lake Xochimilco.)
You’ll see them staring at the sign…. “Eggzo-chim-licko” NO! BAD! (Although it got better when they painted the pronunciation on the side of the building).
So how is the restaurant name supposed to be pronounced, Halfnote?
My halfassed attempt would be zock-i-MIL-ko, but I’m totally guessing…
x in nahuatl is like sh
*GIANT nerd alert*
“Quetzal” doesn’t refer to just any feather, only the precious shimmering plumes of the quetzal bird.
*end GIANT nerd alert*
*biggenest nerd alert*
She has the wrong goddess altogether. Chantico is the goddess of hearth fires and volcanoes, not Xochiquetzal. In a bizarre coincidence that could only happen with two wackjob Etsy sellers, the second photo (birds and butterflies) would be the perfect headdress for the real Xochiquetzal.
When I first saw the title, I thought it was “women with shit on their stupid heads.”
I really wasn’t that far off.
I actually think your title is more accurate!
It’s a good thing the antler headdress is on clearance. You’ll need about five feet of clearance to wear it.
Unless putting someone’s eyes out was why you’re wearing it. Anything under three feet should do that nicely, I would think?
I’m a little confused by the “As is” in the description. Are the antlers seconds or something? Like the deer didn’t get it right?
She does have a nice rack, though…
Actually, I might be the only one, but I really kinda like the first one and the one with the gator head. I like Aztec culture and the gator headdress just screams voodoo to me.
I like the first one also. Very Burning Man (An event filled with batshittery) And the models look like models.
But I am never on board with putting animal parts on the head for anything less than a virgin sacrifice. Though the antlers could come in handy. Better than pepper spray!
Yeah, they are all prettier than their head-dresses. (Head-pieces?). And without them.
I love the first one too. I think it’d work well as a tribal belly dance costume piece. I love gators and voodoo too, but I’m not so certain where that gator head would work… maybe Mardi Gras? I just get the feeling the first would get more use and less stares than walking around with a gator head strapped to your head.
(On the other hand, walking around with a gator head strapped to your head might make handsy men think twice. Unless you’re in my old home state of Florida, then it might just say “come wrestle me.”)
The first one is an insult to Aztec culture. She spelled Xochiquetzal wrong and isn’t even related at all to volcanos. She’s a fertility goddess, not some made up shit a white lady made to sell. /rant
No worries. Quetzalcoatl will probably come down and eat her pasty white ass.
He got eaten by the Luggage.
I liked the gator one. But mostly I’d like it as a wall hanging.
the gator one says to me “This gator shoved his head out the arse of a turkey”
I like the first one from an aesthetic viewpoint. I usually like Plumed Serpent’s stuff, I think it’s beautiful. But from the “I’m getting a degree in mythology” viewpoint…culture appropriation=sadness.
I like the feathery-velociraptor hat. It can be useful to scare away other predators or the people who like to steal limes from my trees over my fence.
Agreed. It’s also a good hat to scare annoying kids out of your neighborhood.
200 cats and a gator hat and you’re good to go, no?
You mean you need a reason to scare people? I’d do it just for shits and giggles. That might be why I don’t have that many friends
I also got feathered-dino-vibes off of that one, and I kind of want it for luring a sexy paleontologist back to my bower…
“Who else is going to have a terrarium hat?”
I also like the fact that her “Conference of Birds” inspiration yielded only one bird.
That isn’t even a quorum.
Good thing they’re not crows. No one wants a murder on their head.
My 8 yo daughter wore a hat very similar for Halloween when she was Mother Nature. We just went to Michaels and she hot glued a bunch of clearance birds, butterflies, and flowers. It actually looked a lot better than this, and the whole costume cost less that 20 bucks. She should name hers “conferences for third graders” and mark it up on Etsy with stupid faery references..
I’ve been pondering that. And I really don’t want to know.
It looks a lot like a centerpiece from a luncheon I went to last year. They gave them away after the final speaker. Hmmm…
No fair. For a split second I thought I would be in this line up. Way to get my hopes up. Although, I must admit, I have nothing on that alligator. And my titles are actually pronounceable… so I guess I should just admit defeat.
The last hat makes me want to scream “NOT THE BEES!”
It’s covered in beeeeeeeeeeeeeees!
Actually… I think the first one’s kinda cool…. But I’m strange, and I run around dressed as a giant freaking robot some of the time, so what the hell do I know?
The moth lamp, oh dear god the moth lamp!
There must have been some specific inspiration for something so unusual.
Mothra movie marathon? The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe school play? Or… some antique lamps at a neighborhood rummage sale.
I think she just really likes moths.
I think the lamp hat inspiration might have come from 1920′s Max Ernst collage:
image didn’t show up!
Bug Zappa and the The Moth-ers of Invention?
Imagine there are moths on this one. Photoshop is bitching at me :<
THAT is exactly how I feel whenever a moth gets in the house. They always seem to fly right at my head and they creep me out!
I just get paranoid that they’re chewing on my clothes.
I am a sucker for big ploofy feathers. I would buy at least two of these.
I’m with you. I’m a real sucker for feathers.
Well then, I have a few feathered things to show you!
Who designed the moth hat … Torquemada?
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
The real problem with all of these headdresses is that they’re not being worn with matching costumes. Though for some of them, perhaps, that might actually be a GOOD thing…
Conference of Butterflies? More like Confederacy of Dunces.
A dirigible of dimwits?
Cabal of Clueless?
We’re nowhere near Halloween, and Mardi Gras is past. Is there some other drunken bacchanal coming up that requires outrageous headgear? Oh wait. Kentucky Derby is next month…
Maybe for the next royal wedding. Problem solved for five lucky guests.
Yeah, but KD insists on black and white.
Easter. Traditionally a lady was expected to step out with a new bonnet on this day. The more elaborate the better.
If I wanted moths flying around my head, I’d . . .
Wait, why the hell would I WANT moths flying around my head?
The final boss battle in Silent Hill 2 has a swarm of moths that attack you. When they hit you, they drain your energy… much like that hat.
These would be stupid for day-to-day or formal wear, but some of these are super awesome from a costume design standpoint.
The “Conference of Butterflies” still looks like shit though.
Xochiquetzal hat woman looks neither domestically spicy or volcanically hot. She’s as cold as ice.
And she’s totally willing to sacrifice your love.
But she won’t change anything about her post.
She never takes advice
but you’ll pay the price … I KNOW!
I’ve seen it before, it happens all the time.
The first one is at least very well put together even though it’s sort of appropriative. Considering that, contrary to popular belief, South American native tribes were not some “2,000″ years ago thing and they very much still exist today and all. But the older the things get the less it seems to matter to people so… eh?
I too will mark my comment as *nerd alert*.
Central America (Mexico, really). Not S. Am — you’ve got to go past Panama for that.
You are correct! I hang my head in shame.
awwww, no problem, don’t be sad! We all have brain misfires sometimes. And your point still stands and is a good one.
And did they even have “Goddesses”? I kind of thought they were all just blood-thirsty male deities… but she does look scary enough!
Some of their goddesses (especially Coatlicue) were far scarier than their gods.
“She is represented as a woman wearing a skirt of writhing snakes and a necklace made of human hearts, hands, and skulls. Her feet and hands are adorned with claws and her breasts are depicted as hanging flaccid from nursing. Her face is formed by two facing serpents”
Holy shit that’s terrifying.
OK, I totally thought the Croc with peacock feather was gonna win the WTF award for me, and then I got to the lamp…
The terrarium hat wins points from me for not being obscenely over priced. It’s not as well made as the first one or the antlers, but at least the seller is asking a more modest amount for it. Maybe it’d be useful for, um, camouflage in an old lady’s garden?
Let’s be honest: the Moth Lamp Hat is obviously upcycled beekeper’s mask. I won’t be surprised if “moths” are really dead bees in felted costumes.
I’d like it more if they were. I mean, who doesn’t go for dead things in costumes?
Sadly I’m guilty as charged to wanting wear the floral one…Here is something I made for Valentines day…
I’m calling it a phase.
I like birds on hats almost as much as I like big floofy feathers!
How did you get all the little clotheshangers to stick to your hat? Intrigued…
Don’t let the thumbs get you down! Way to bare your craftastrophy to us all!
See, that’s actually pretty awesome, imho.
Have you seen the movie Ladies in Retirement? Because one of the sisters always wears a hat with a white bird like yours on it!
why does Kreayshawn have a bunch of butterflies on her head?
I love the expression on the model wearing the gator/feather combo. it says “who me? No! I don’t have anything on my head at all. nothing whatsoever to see here. move along. no dead alligators on me. nope. nada…”
The models are all quite lovely. Well. I can’t really tell about the lamp, so I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe she would have a better attitude if she was also rockin’ an alligator bustier?
Wait, who’s Crochet Guevara?
Oh dear, Lord. Lady GaGa has opened an Etsy store? D:
After seeing this crap, who knew I’d long for a good old fashioned fascinator covered in peacock feathers?
I actually kinda dig the first one. it could be good for belly dance. I think this one (by the same chick) is worse though: http://www.etsy.com/listing/92154733/the-golden-antlers
Aww, the lamppost lady has “regretsy” in her tags. I hope that was a recent addition since discovering the listing here.
Otherwise, I feel deflated and sad.
But not really, because I’m about to go post it on my daughter’s Facebook wall because she’s got a phobia against moths.
You can tell your daughter (and it’s true) that a moth flew out of the drain when I turned on my sink this morning, and I slapped at it from pure reflex. I made contact…and had its powdery black/white body all over my hand. (shudders)
With a hat like the moth one, you probably need a more simple and low-key outfit. But on the other hand, if you drop $500 to look like a lampost, I’m not sure you’d be good friends with the idea of “simple” and “low-key”.
Well, they’d be great for costume parties. I’m sort of lusting for the antlers.
Love the antlers too!! I wonder if they’re heavy??
If the lamp post hat wasn’t $500 i would TOTALLY dress up as the lamp post in Narnia for halloween.
I just used that antler image in making the following –
Here, everyone needs to see this and judging by the paltry thumbs you’ve received, very few actually feel like clicking the link. Was this all you? It’s brilliant.
This is genius.
Thanks guys! I gathered all those from a quick etsy search, then put the type over it etc.. I’m a graphic designer, had some free time, happened to take a native culture class at some point, etc. It’s just one of those things that blows my mind in that – you have to point out to people WHY it’s wrong, sometimes more than once or at length, when with comparable examples in other cultures no one has to think twice.
I actually own several of the “hats” by the first seller and I must say, my neighbors stay far away from me now…could be the tats, piercings and pink hair though….
do they know they’re on regretsy? something tells me they would appreciate that….
The lamp one looks just like the lamps on either side of my garage! You guys think we could get her to make two of them, then I could hire whoever buys them (I saw a few hands above) to stand outside my house and help me get into my garage and keep me from tripping over stuff when I take out the trash?
I want to see two women who accidentally wear the exact style antler headdress to a party fight each other with them.
Combat would ensue.
I love the lamp hat and would wear it. The seller also has a really elegant swirly hat, some adorable felted animals, and an alien robot outfit that would be just the thing for theremin playing except it’s a bit clunky-looking.
The alligator one slays me because aside from the giant pile of crazy on her head, the model looks so normal compared to the other women. Even the one with the terrarium headband looks high as a kite.
We’ll have to agree to disagree on that. See, to me, the one with the terrarium on her head looks like she’s thinking three words: “You’re kidding, right?” (It’s the odd grin and the eyes looking off to the side…).
Exactly my thought too! I think she may have been trying to perfect her “Etsy” look (the etsy equivalent to ‘duckface’) but just couldn’t hold it together to pull it off.
Hence the “what the fuck is on my head and there better not be anything living in it!” look.
That alligator has a ‘fro. Looks like Bob Ross running out of happy little trees….
Thank god! Now I have some options to show folks who insist I need to wear SOME kind of veil alternative at my wedding if I won’t wear a veil.
Any other FJLs who thought of this when viewing the gator-head excraftaganza?
man, if it could snap it’s jaws and roar, I would so buy it.
Yeah, me neither.
I can see all of these being rocked by drag queens.
I can see all of these being mocked by drag queens…
She has another version of the alligator headdress on her site, in brown feathers. If I had a stray $85 I would be strangely compelled. I would love to answer the door to those pesky solicitors on the weekends wearing it. And suddenly take a deep interest in their religious pamphlets.
If I had the money, I would buy this and wear around the 16th Street Mall. I think people would give me money to get the hell away from them.
the first two aren’t completely terrible. But the last two? *shivers*
Sorry…the last THREE are terrible, not just the last two.
I dunno, I kinda like the first one. With the right burlesque outfit, it might work. But yeah…it’s based entirely on a South American goddess, and the model is as blonde as you can get…herp
Mexican goddess, actually, and Mexico is (mostly) in North America.
I actually like the first one – I wouldn’t wear it grocery shopping, but in a performance setting, sure. It looks decently made. The rest are just weird. Except for the lamp – the lamp is fucking hilarious!!!
I’d love an antler hat. Maybe not that particular one, but an antler hat.
Screw it, I just want to have antlers.
I think the line that really sums it up for me is this one: “I’ve always liked faery/woodland themes and now you can wear it on your head!”
It’s just so cheerfully certain that this is a good plan you can’t help but be touched. I mean, think of all the ways that sentence could be completed:
“I’ve always liked _________ and now you can wear it on your head!”
A. Chunky vegetable soup
D. Betty White
E. Whimsicle fuckery
It’s pretty much an endless string of bad yet hilarious ideas. I heartily approve.
I like the one with the alligator because it looks like the gator is actually screaming in pain from being on something so ugly.
It would be so cool if it were worn by a ventriloquist.
“What YOU looking at? No, don’t look at her, LOOK AT ME. Yes, me.”
It gave me an unpleasant flashback to something on the Banana Splits. Ugh.
Spray it yellow – Big Bird.
A few of those looks like they were pulled off the wall of a country club.
Reminds me not so much of Xochiquetzal as it does “Montezuma’s Revenge.” At Mardi Gras.
That 2nd lady belongs in Whoville.
At least the antler hat is being sold “as is” as opposed to “as was”…
In regards to “The Gator Feather Headress”. I’m not sure that spray pain will kill chiggers, and unless that moss was soaked in bleach water for at least 24 hours and then allowed to dry in a sunny place you will have chiggers SWARMING all over your head. I have the crawling heebie jeebies just looking at this thing.
Well, if I ever get a Xoloitzcuintli (aka Mexican Hairless dog) now I know what to name them.
Sigh. Yet another post in which I look at the ridiculous stuff people are wearing and think, “With a little work, that could be turned into an awesome costume.”
Maybe I’ll be a swamp princess for Halloween. I live in NOLA – there are gator heads and Spanish moss everywhere.
As a *hat*, the lamp is stupid.
As a piece of feltcraft/crocheting, it’s AWESOME.
I would just like the photo of the lamp post lady to frame and put in some sort of “bizarre people” collection – she actually sort of looks like a few of the models from one of the more off-the-wall clothes designers Winter 2012 collections…
but on my head? No. Just No. And I have been known to wear some pretty strange things on my head…
Cersei Lannister called. She wants Joffery’s crown back immediately.
Joffery is a little pissant! He doesn’t deserve a cool dragon hat! lol! So sad what happens to him…….
Joffery most definitely gets what he deserves.}:P Just desserts, I’d say…
Goofy Gator with ‘fro NOT scary.
I will admit to having made a couple hats similar to the butterfly garden one – except mine had fairies on them.
And they sold.
…I like these hats. Well, except for the antler one, but that’s just because it’s too big to wear comfortably in public.
I only wish the gator hat could snap at people on occasion. Then it would be perfect.
it needs a little hidden handle you can pull to open and close its mouth, so you can be like an upcycling swamptriloquist.
Man, if I was made of money, one of those, a sequined dress, and winning at the Mardi Gras Ball!
I was so intrigued by the mothlamp hat that I browsed her store . . . Unfortunately all I could think of when I saw her paintings (the one entitled “Vincent Price : Son of God” in particular) was the painting on the mantlepiece in “Manos: Hands of Fate”.
Against my better sensibilities, I like that. (Then again, I have one of those big votive candles that usually have Jesus or Mary on them that I wanted to do something like that to.)
I really like the Moth Lamp Hat. No not as a hat. But as weird off-center art it is wonderful. I’d have to build it a gazebo with gargoyles made of dried starfish and possum skulls and oak galls covered in felt and glazed … Sadly, I don’t have $500.
Terrarium one looks like someone dropped a flower pot on her head. Wonder where the rest of it is?
I could see Lady Gaga wearing any of these!
I actually think that moth lamp hat is FANTASTIC. It turns me on.
So if two women arrive at a party wearing the same antler headdress will they start headbutting each other? Because I would totally pay to see that.
My seven year old son just walked in and saw the butterfly one and said “That’s lame.” As I scrolled down he pronounced each one lamer than the last. I’m raising a lovely little jaded monster : )
Well I don’t care what all you tests say, I think Stevie Nicks looks fantastic in her headress!
After reading this post, I feel like my *brain* has been felted. I mean, just- why? Who buys this?
the woman who made the lamp head [which i also really like & which i also have no idea where anyone would wear]–anyway, she also made one of the cutest things i’ve almost ever seen on etsy:
i have to give you a link cos the photo is just too big to inflict on anyone, cute or not [the photo, the inflictee] if he or she is not desirous of that infliciton…..
You won’t ever have to stand in line at the post office again if you have one of ‘em make you a mailbox head covering. The post office comes to you! Eventually.
That first one looks so familiar–isn’t that Patricia Arquette in “Stigmata”?
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