Lensflarey, the magickal, enchanted healer priestess, flies through Etsy in a leather mask, randomly capitalizing words in your listing.
Grown women who think they are fairies make my skin hurt when I think about them. Tori Amos is responsible for planting many of these seeds, and frankly she has a lot to atone for.
Better than the grown man I met once who insisted he was a dragon, “trapped” in human form. (cue “Psycho” music…)
Ooh, Otherkin! They’re who I rely on for that ‘whatever choice I made in life today wasn’t this bad’ feeling.
I predict an otherkin flounce soon…
i thought furries were the default for that?
I’ve met Furries who are actually really cool people.
Even furries tend to look down on otherkin.
I’d totally date that red fox there …
I like Furries man….
Trust me, most furries agree that otherkin are nuts.
Except for Sonic furries, but even regular furries laugh them off.
He’d be convenient when you forget your lighter—oh, wait, he’s trapped in a human body. Can’t make fire from his throat.
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Thats what they used to Helen Keller to fuck with her. “Here read this tree”
I just think, if you’re a fairy, SHOW ME HOW YOU CAN DO SOME MAGIC. Do something magical, just do it. Let me see you magic something out of thin air, or actually BEGIN twinkling without the aid of glitter, or fly or something. Anything. Make trails with your fingertips while I’m sober.
Prove you can do real, tangible, amazing magic or you are not a fairy, you are a grown woman in a leather crown adding extra e’s to various words and waving her hands around like a fool.
I love you. Just wanted to say that.
You should pity me instead of loving me, for I tragically lack a sense of childlike wonder.
If she can get somebody to pay $415 for this piece of junk, I will admit that she can do magic.
That’s actually a nicely made piece of leather work.
I use a stick with a hook on the end of it to turn string into clothing and all sorts of other fine things. And I don’t even wear a leathery elven crown while I’m doing it. Is that magic enough for you?
Yes. Congratulations, you are a fairy!
Ooh! Me too! We’re both making with the magick! We need crowns, pronto! Fetch the Sculpey and some pretty agates from the river!
Ooo! I do that too! Sometimes I even use a shuttle or two sticks! But if we’re faries, when do we get our wings?
I think that’s supposed to be “magik”
Er, um… sorry. Back to lurking!
I think I knew that guy… Unless there are two in the world. *shudders*
I hate to break it to you, dragon otherkin are some of the most common and obnoxious of the various varities.
I dated him too. It didn’t work out well. By the time we were done with each other my friends nicknamed me dragonslayer and bought me St. George art at every opportunity.
I think I dated that guy once. Briefly. Very briefly.
Word of advice: Don’t date that guy.
I thought that was a chick!
Actually . . . I don’t know. Didn’t go that far.
Jesus, what is this guy, the Regretsian pass-around loser?
I’ve met “Puff the Magic Dragon” skipping around Little 5 Points in Atlanta playing a bamboo flute.
Oh, you’ve met my uncle, have you?
Awww I like “A sorta fairytale” … the video is certainly strange though
She’s the High Priestess of Irritating Twee-Woo Crap, and thanks to her hardcore fans she’s begun to annoy me. I say we demand payback.
The only time I saw Tori Amos was at the New Orleans Jazz Fest several years ago when some friends-of-friends convinced us that she was “awesome”. Two songs in, I wanted to kill myself. The most depressing day at Jazz Fest EVER.
On second thought, that day runs neck-in-neck with the JF set by Buffy Sainte-Marie. Don’t judge – we were holding our spot to see Dr. John.
Tori Amos doesn’t think she’s a faerie. She may talk about them, but she’s never told idiots to prance around Etsy pretending they are woodland creatures from the otherworlds. Besides, I’ve seen more grown up acting like faeries at Phish shows (but they never told people to do that either).
*insert insensitive and vaguely homophobic reference to a Scissor Sisters concert at The Masquerade in Atlanta here*
Hey, I didn’t believe I was a faerie either, but the toadstools I ate convinced me otherwise.
Ok, after studying this object I need to state that I feel the little nubbin crystal poking out of the front makes me feel…dirty.
Agreed. It draws to mind a certain stuffed squirrel, almost.
Don’t You Just Love It wHen EtSy seLlErs deVelOP A bAd caSE of raMPaNT RAndOm CAPITALs?
ENDLESS BRAZILian on OLD LEATHER
Need HEALING for MOON
Yeah–if that crystal is so fucking powerful why can’t it imbue the seller with powers of correct English?
And what the hell is this crap? *.•♥¸.•*´(¸.•*´♥´*•.¸)´*•.¸
And what the hell is “Bliss Bless?” My inner pagan just barfed from sugar overload.
My outer Pagan has diabetes and I may slip into a coma any secon
I kept reading all the capital letters, hoping to find a key to the location of the fabled Fountain of Flounce (or at least a coupon for free shipping at IKEA). Sadly, I found nothing, and now my eyes are crossed.
I can look like an idiot for a lot less than $415.
But why settle?
For the price of a roll of tin foil…
I Read This As “Bark Trolling”. That Would Have Made More Sense.
I have to say the LARPer and D+D player in me approves. The rest of me finds the description nauseating, and the price, extreme.
As a LARPer and a D&D GM… I’m feeling pretty queasy here. At one point I had an hour before a LARP to improvise a crown with $15 worth of adhesive craft foam and silver paint and it turned out less garish and embarrassing than that monstrosity! o.O
Especially when the “Magick Of The Leather Crown” can’t even pop that zit on her face.
I think that’s actually a cyst. And the workmanship is rather good – shame it’s put to such a bizarre use.
I’m almost certain it’s a mole. Not all moles are dark-colored. (Lemmy Kilmister’s come to mind– they’re not dark-colored, just huge.)
Even if it is a zit, who wants their zits popped by a crown? That sounds horrible and infectious. Just a straight-up healing would be fine.
I concur…it is a great piece for folk who like this sort of thing. I did find myself absurdly grateful that the seller resisted the urge to use “Wombyn” in her description.
Or to spell magic with a “K”.
Or an ‘X’
I agree, the piece itself is pretty nice (could do without the crystal, imho). I’ll never understand why people can’t go ahead and write up a description like a normal human.
Oh wait, because she’s a “faerie”. Right.
Yeah, my first response was that if I saw this at the Renaissance Festival being sold for about a tenth of the price, I might think it was cute. Then I’d feel my normal annoyance towards fairies at Ren Fest and move on.
The price and the description make this listing a lot less bearable.
I think my Etsy-O card just exploded.
My ex-girlfriend would have murdered for this thing.
And by murdered, I mean murdered *me.* Or put it on my credit card when I wasn’t looking.
Sounds like she was the sort of woman that EX is invented for.
You should set her up with Dragon Guy.
It really bothers me how much effort and production value goes into these photos.
I can spend all day in a studio and only look half as polished as some of this deluded crap.
That’s because you don’t have the Phantom Quartz Power Crystal.
The ability to heal, access the Akashic Records, take artsy photos, and look like you have a weird horn all at the same time.
At least now I know why I couldn’t make it as a pro photographer.
Hey, that’s a Phantom Quartz From BRAZIL. They’re extra phantom-y!
And well groomed
I’m currently rooted in Phases of the Moon practicing my Earth Magic too, but I don’t need to advertise it.
Around here that would mean … weeding the lettuce.
Please tell me there’s a matching belt. I don’t think I can stand not being able to nurture my Wombnly Essence with a Phantom Quartz Power Crystal.
I would pay her male model $5 to paint CF4L on his belly and perform an interpretive dance about crystal faerie healing magyk.
OMG! I would wear this everywhere! Can you imagine? Buying groceries, fueling up my car, wearing this crown around? I think the Brazilian crystal would bring out the inner rhinoceros inside me.
Wouldn’t your head sweat? Would that be bad for the leather or would it increase your connection to the healing crystal’s properties?
I think you would get a yeast infection…on your forehead.
Quickly followed by brain rot. Actually, that may be the seller’s problem-she’s been wearing this thing for the last six months straight.
Just don’t wear it while driving. It seems to make you hallucinate pretty lights, and you can’t help but become transfixed by them.
My cat gets that way with the flashlight, and she doesn’t even have a faerie crown, but I wouldn’t let her drive either.
Is that a quartz in your forehead or are you just happy to see me?
She’s just one shovel to the head away from a quartz lobotomy.
Access the Arkashic Records? What the hell is that?
“dimension of consciousness that contains a vibrational record of every soul and its journey”
is what google said.
I wondered the same thing.
That sounds really tiring.
It’s like metaphysical holistic magickal ChatRoulette.
So…a vibrator for the inner being?
Y’know Burger King has crowns for free.
A close friend of mine gave me a simple, beautiful, actually hand made, brass wire “priestess crown” to wear while officiating Pagan things. I tried wearing it once, and I felt like an asshole.
Do you still have it? Would you be willing to put up a photo? (You wouldn’t have to wear it.)
Why do I get the feeling that I could sell these people a bridge.
Bridges are man-made. However, my ocean front property in Kansas…
I dunno if this beats the lady who thinks she’s a mermaid or not. (there’s a video somewhere on the web of that…she puts a tail on and flops around in the water at the beach..)
If you wait till she sells all the crap in her store she can even pay cash.
supposed to be in response to 19, not 20, once again I am reminded why I should be ashamed of my fat fucking fingers.
I liked the amputee woman who had WETA build her a mermaid tail for swimming.
THAT is very cool!
The seller mised “Unicorn” as an adjective.
More like “Yonicorn” if you know what I mean.
Looks like Regretsy-vision got to me.
Am I the only one that sees a SheRa-esque crown from the front view in the second picture?
A little bit, yeah. Maybe it’s the face angle.
That should be the standard: Could Petja pull it off?( He is the only one I’ve seen that can pull off a waistcoat, and a monocle)
If the answer is NO…then just walk away.
That centerpiece that goes over the bridge of the nose would make you one very crossed-eyed fairy at the end of the day.
Otherwise, for a costume piece, and for all your LARP needs, I actually think it’s well-done.
Priced about 4x as much as it should be, though.
If the seller were Steve Martin, I think I would like the mask more.
So does Etsy not allow sexual aides to be sold on their website? Because this is clearly Fairy Fuck Fantasy Head Gear.
It’s cute that she took the time to describe it as some sort of “crown” with a crystal that helps with “meditation”…but for reals, that crystal is for butt play. Those handles are for stability when that handsome Phantom from Brazil is in the process of Accessing your Akashic Records from behind.
Bonus points for a 3-way.
Considering that button mushroom she’s making googly eyes at, she deserves a magickal yonicorn plaything.
That does not look like a button mushroom (Agaricus Bisporus). My boyfriend is a expert and I have to hear about it all day long.
That mushroom phallus-y thing cannot live up to the usefulness and stability that this crown is capable of. The tip looks like it’s about to break off now. Imagine the damage that could be done…ok, don’t.
I assume the crystal sticking out of the forehead is for when you realize what a jackass you look like in that thing and start banging your head against the wall.
It will make your despair really spectacular.
Nah, it’s the world’s dinkiest unicorn costume.
I guess they left out the horse head in case the wearer is a horse’s ass.
If the crystal was just laying flat. Everyone knows that Brazilian crystal powers can only be accessed with a north-south position due to Brazil being south. And it needs to be $5
Okay, so, yes the description is silly, the geologist in my understands exactly what is on her forehead, the wombyn (tee hee) in me wants to know why one would wear something so phalic on your head and the price is a bit much. But all the same, I dream of becoming a fairy. Hate me if you will, but I prefer a fantasy world to the real thing. (Fairies are smarter than this though…they make their crowns out of moonbeams and morning dew).
I got hammered once on Jim Beam and Mountain Dew…
Whoops, sorry, misread that.
I love any excuse to dress up. Renaissance Festivals, costume or theme parties, Halloween — really any place where I can get away with wearing my Ear Barrettes, wings, or dress like a pirate, I’m in. But there’s a big difference between loving to wear costumes, creating an outside persona/character/role play, and ACTUALLY believing that you are a magical being.
Fantasy is wonderful, so long as people can still see the line between fantasy and reality.
I prefer fantasy to reality, too, but I know I am not, and never can be, a faerie.
Because I am a Draenei.
She tried to catch the elusive lensflare. Like a kitten hunting a laser pointer, but minus adorable.
“Handpicked” as in you literally picked this up with your hand in order to put it on some leather? I mean, most likely.
It kind of looks like she has a little erection on her forehead.
I hate all this mystical crystal stuff. When I was in graduate school, the physics-speak for what I studied was “first principles calculation of semiconductor electronic structure.” My simplified version for parties or other social situations when people asked me what I did was, “I simulate crystals on the computer.” About one time out of every ten, someone would say, “Ooooo – I love crystals!” and I knew that the conversation was going somewhere very unpleasant.
Believe me, I know a lot about the properties of crystals. I’ve written papers on stuff like pyroelectricity and piezoelectricity, and I can damn well say that “healing energy” is not a known property of crystals (though if it is, I call dibs on the term “piezopharmacy”).
The only thing worse than these mystical crystal energy people are the homeopaths who claim that “liquid crystals” are how homeopathy works. No – just go away.
“Piezopharmacy” is a goddamn fantastic word. Next time I have to listen to someone talk about how crystals can cure cancer, I’m going to tell them to check out the Canadian Yankee Piezopharmacy. If nothing else, it’ll end the conversation, and maybe keep them busy, like throwing a ball for a dog.
I wonder if a piezopharmic crystal would make a siren sound when it healed, like the piezoelectric crystals in a car alarm? Or would it just go “ooh, pretty!”?
I SORELY want to invest in this Piezopharmacy!!!!
You need to copyright, trademark, service mark EVERYTHING right/mark that STAT to protect it!!!
I hesitate to admit it, but I kind of love everything in her shop. It is insanely overpriced, and the descriptions are cupcakey to a creepy degree, but they are still very pretty… especially when you see the crap that passes for elf/fairy costuming.
Yeah, her shop has a lot of beautiful items. I would not say it is over priced though. You have to think in the sellers perspective, it takes time to make the item, the cost of the materials, photographing, packing and shipping. Those crowns and masks probably take a lot of work and hours.
The beauty of not being the seller is that I get to think in the buyer’s perspective, and four hundred bucks for a “crown” that ties with leather thong in the back is vastly overpriced to this buyer, no matter how pretty it is.
I agree, the nerdy whimsicle 8-year-old in me (shut up, that weird stick was too a fairy wand) is drooling over some of her stuff, but yeah, her descriptions make me want to barf. Although I don’t necessarily think its that overpriced for the amount of work that probably went into it, I can think of a lot better uses for 400 bucks, several of which will get me loopier for longer than wearing a fairy crown.
But wait, there’s more!
Buy now, and at no extra charge* you will receive ANOTHER make-believe crystal within the ghostlike shadow of a crystal within the phantom crystal! Your imagination will be amazed!
*extra charges apply.
I think we might have just won, “ETSYO”
I just checked, not quite. We have “shamanism,” “Faery,” and “OOAK” <- What is that, anyway?
One Of A Kind.
Or a typo in a Librarian quote.
Days like this I long for a large, warm, leathery hand to take mine and pull me under the desk and hand me a nice ripe ba—
That wasn’t going where I thought it would.
Yeah the description is kind of annoying but it looks well crafted to me.
I admit, I’m an old AD&D player and GM and a real fantasy buff (yeah LOTR and EQ2). I’d totally buy this (but only for 1/10th the price!) … FOR A PARTY! NOT to actually wear, like, day-to-day or around the house. Or even for something serious, like a pagan ritual.
But, I also know a few leatherworkers, and if it truly is hand made/molded, that price isn’t too out of line.
And by that I mean only overpriced by a factor of, say, three.
Anguished howls! How can items that are so technically well done and intensively crafted be so gutwrenchingly ugly, without even exacerbating the ugliness with a Faeretsyan adjective hypestorm? And not a crown in the lot of ‘em! All their ornate headwares are either ‘hats’ or masquerie: masks, half-masks, helmets & dominoes cover the face or part of it. Crowns, coronets and tiaras do NOT. OK, must say something positive … deep breath … ah, nice tree, nice mossy tree.
Faeretsyan adjective hypestorm is going to be my punk rock band name. Thank you.
…and man hands. Sorry, but I had to say it, let the thumbs- downing begin.
w00t! Baptized by fire into Downthumb Abbey. Thank goddess that’s over with.
I gave you a thumbs up for “Downthumb Abbey.”
You are all missing the point, it’s a coded spell message!
If enough of us wombyn venture into the forest and shed our purple dressing-gowns to dance sykclad with a suitable fetish-steampunk biycle saddle on our heads and read the sacred Aramaic-Native-American-Sanscrit Feary Whimsical message aloud from the hand-written scrolls we all need to make (written in our menstural blood) we can rid the world of resellers on Etsy! Repeat after me:
Thok Lcaeem Mudfeoy remp
micff qahpa fgm agwifmo
accgp qcbgsc cisiv pbhe
hcth qshpe itcph hop
Aar Thmei is “Namaste, bitches” in Faery. That was the clue. No wonder none of you understand, I bet you all shave your pits. Hair are your antenna.
I love how the word for what the item actually is, a crown, is the TWELFTH word in the listing title.
There are a lot of things that I see and think ‘If this were being worn in a fantasy movie, like a legit Dark Crystal kind of thing, I would fucking love it. But in real life it’s retarded.’
This is one of those things.
BUT I LOVE TORI AMOS SO WHAT DO I KNOW
I think you might appreciate it more if you were high on E or mushrooms. I think it is made for the festival and party culture.
….Bri? That you??
Nope. This is actually a real craft. My bad.
I think it’s Mr. Vermorlian’s new girlfriend.
Gah! Anguished howls! How can items that are so technically well done and intensively crafted be so gutwrenchingly ugly, without even exacerbating the ugliness with a Faeretsyan adjective hypestorm? And not a crown in the lot of ‘em! All their ornate headwares are either ‘hats’ or masquerie: masks, half-masks, helmets & dominoes cover the face or part of it. Crowns, coronets and tiaras do NOT. OK, must say something positive … deep breath … ah, nice tree, nice mossy tree.
sorry if this reposts, IE infestation
Kinda big for a Faerie, aren’t you? And Where are your wings?
Is that a tiny penis on her forehead?
That subject has been covered multiple times in this thread. It gets less funny the more it’s repeated.
that’s the problem with the hurry-up-so-I-can-post-first mentality (that many of us – including me – sometimes fall prey to) that precludes one from actually reading the thread before posting what one thinks is entirely original and, thus hilarious
I usually do a search for a pertinent word or phrase that I wish to incorporate into my post. If I don’t find it, I type as quickly as I can. Not always quickly enough, but I learned on a manual, so I’m blaming that: I lose precious seconds every time I reach for the carriage return after I finish a line.
Unfortunately I am a Green Witch~Infused with Faerie Magic of NEW so clearly I cannot buy this.
She looks like she’s getting ready to climb a tree and sell car insurance. In a magical, bejeweled, Brazillianced way, of course.
I read part of that as “helps us Heal Our Pants,” which makes me kind of want a crazy headband thing.
My first nitpick is that the seller misspelled “faeyryie” as “fairy.” EVERY Enchanted Goddess-Mermaid-Angel-Unicornkin-Beansidhe-Princess-Priestess worth her weight in magical glittersparkles knows how to spell that.
My second (serious) nitpick is that when I first looked at the listing title, I couldn’t figure out if she was selling a crown, or a sidhe, or a fairy, or a fairy godmother, or a priestess, or some bark, or some quartz, or some leather, or some tools, or some wood. Seriously, put that nonsense in the tags, not in your listing title!
Whatever she’s selling, it’s infused with the Faerie Magic of Old, so part of it is upcycled vintage.
I’m sorry but I’m not going to buy my magickqual faeriyei kyriztull ant-lirr crowns from someone I’ve never heard of.
Well done. ‘Ant-lirr’ is just the best of the at least 4 tangential otherworld references.
I’ve done a little leatherwork (this does not make me an expert/authority) and know a few leatherworkers who do some pretty fancy tool work(this does not make me an expert/authority), so I know a little bit (no seriously, it’s only a little bit) about this kind of thing…just barely enough to say:
This is fairly well done!
See it in this shot:
What I don’t understand is that in a couple of shots, it has those weird, red wing things on the right side (they look very poorly crafted compared to the rest of it) and that crystal looks ridiculous sticking out like that. The only real problems I have with the listing/lister is that it IS overpriced (I’ve seen comparable/better work at renfests for far less) and WHAT THE HELL DRUGS IS SHE ON THAT SHE COMES UP WITH THOSE DESCRIPTIONS???
I hate the “look-at-me-I’m-so-Pagan” types.
Akashic Records totally sold out after they started signing up Finnish death-metal bands.
I use two or more wooden sticks and string to make clothes. Sometimes as many as five wooden sticks. I am also a magic fairy. Plus, it’s super awesome when you’re knitting socks on double point needles and people just stare at you like it’s the most amazing thing ever. My father insists I’m going to skewer myself on all those needles or poke out the eye of my first born, which does make me wonder if he thinks I’m that klutzy or if blinding children is a thing now.
I would love to wear that to work today.
I also noticed that they have a “steampunk fedora” for sale, but it can’t really be steampunk because it doesn’t have any watch parts glued to it.
Aside from the batshit insane lady, and the hazard with the crystal, it’s not that bad of a piece of leatherwork, imho.
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