Crochet Guevera? New snarker in da haus? Me gusta!
It’s a Disney thing.
No, seriously! Since when does anyone but HK or Bronc post here? We’re not talking about this actual person, are we? http://crochetguevara.com/
Someone hold me, ’cause change is scary.
It’s taken me this long to notice that?
Have HK and Bronc been kidnapped? Will we ever find them in time? Is there enough rum to go around???? Oh the humanity!
My new favorite superhero!
do do do do do do DO… Vagina Woman!
If we’re naming her I’m voicing nomination for “The Hairy Harridan”
So will this treat chlamydia? It does say it heals.
I’m going to try it on my broken sacrum.
I don’t even know what that is, and I’m not a doctor, but I’m going to tell you it’ll work as long as your sacrum doesn’t have lupus.
Oh, puh-lease. It’s NEVER lupus.
I have a friend with lupus. She keeps meaning to make a t-shirt that says, “Sometimes it’s lupus.”
Chronic Glitter, I made my aunt a tshirt that says “This time it’s Lupus” with House’s face on it.
Sacrum = bones in your buttcrack. I had mine shattered for me while I was curled around a soccer ball as the opposing team kicked at my ass. Rec team girls are vicious and Rec team refs are fat and slow.
If it’ll cure herpes I might consider it.
Not that I’d wear it in public or when the dog is around or anything. But I’d keep it in a drawer somewhere.
Oh Lord that’s hilarious!
Great support during those Batgirl kicks!!!
Not to pick at nits but shouldn’t that be Batgrrl?
Post-menarche, as she clearly is? What sort of Y chromosome-having chauvinist oppressor are you?
Seeing that Yvonne Craig is nearly 75, I don’t think that any term involving “girl” applies. lol
Oh man I just did an etsy search on “wombyn” for context and found this gem:
(Not sure I want to taste any of the chocolates, frankly.)
Is that a pair of earrings glued to that?
Also, nice find and annoying description.
Wait, my womb is a portal to other dimensions?
I’m a bit scared now…
Where did you think the babies come from?
Wait, so are you saying I might birth something like a body snatcher? The fifth grade health video didn’t cover that!
And it’s bigger on the inside!
My uterus is a TARDIS.
Sure; ask any 19th-century doctor. It travels around causing upset and confusion, and will only calm down and respond properly to the Doctor’s “special touch”.
Also, that explains why mine makes that grinding noise. I must be leaving the brakes on.
Mine will only calm down after large doses of vodka. And a heating pad. And Vicodin. And chocolate.
You win so much that if I still had my magical womb-portal, I would want to have your trans-dimensional babies.
I don’t have enough thumbs for how much thumbs up this deserves. Please have a trans-dimensional baby that is all thumbs so I can thumbs up your comment the appropriate number of thumbs it deserves. Also, thumbs.
Don’t you mean you’re a bit sacred now?
OMG, perhaps I should read before I post. Derp.
So am I at risk getting Headcrabs as well as regular crabs down there then?
“I’m a bit [SACRED] now…”
There. Fixed it for a fellow wombyn. Vaginas unite!
Wait… That reminds me. We need a new call to arms phrase.
“Scary cow”? Oh, “scared now.” Sorry, dyslexic Freudian slip after reading that empowerment drivel in the description up top.
IT’S A FUCKING FANNY PACK WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.
I’ve seen cuter fanny packs.
IT’S A WOMB PACK. HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT THE CHAKRAS!
Something like that.
Keep Chakra Khan out of this.
Beware the wrath of Khan!
HA HA I dint leave Chakra out of this
Chakra Kahn! Chakra Kahn!
“worn around your womb” makes it sound like it has to be surgically inserted. Being an FJL, my womb has more than enough insulation already, and it didn’t cost $62, just several bags of Doritos.
That’s “fanny” in the British English sense, correct?
I was once teaching fencing in Ireland, back in college.
I told a gentleman to ‘tuck in his fanny’. The look I got.
The most pressing question is 40mg of what leads to freedom? Inquiring minds want to know!
“this is a portal to creating an infinite amount of creative possibilities in dimensions beyond”
o.O Exactly how many dimensions do I have up there???
*eyes the kids suspiciously*
Exactly–I’m pretty sure there is a finite amount of creative possibilities that I’ll be ejecting from my most definitely non-magical portal.
Eyeing my two kids, that explains a lot.
Maybe she’s just calling us fat.
Utility belt?!? I only see leetle square pockets only big enough for condom packets. Where do I put my cordless drill? My self-tapping screws? MY GODDAM GLUE GUN?!?
My husband’s caulk?
I see what you did there and heartily approve!!
I’d probably approve of bootyschoo’s husband’s caulk as well… I haven’t had a good caulk in a while… it’s kind of feeling grouty down there… sigh…
and I spell her name wrong… bootSychoo… gah… I should not have had that entire box of vino…
no no you dont get it REBOOT REBOOT!!
and Chakra Kahn! Chakra Kahn!
I think you put those in your womb. At least, that’s how I read it. I could be wrong.
I don’t know about you losers, but I can’t fit any power tools in my womb. It’s too full of liquor bottles and menthol smokes.
whoa whoa whoa. That’s WAY too masculine to be a sacred wombyn goddess.
The only pocket I need is a hot pocket.
Gods, the hairy pit undid me.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
For realz. If you don’t want to shave, fine, but you don’t have to show us.
Apologies for the double post – my finger twitched. Perhaps due to hairy armpit exposure.
yes… yes you do… so you might be demolished verbally and scarred mentally!
I looked at the picture and said, “Hm, that’s not too bad. I wouldn’t wear it but it’s not hideous.”
Then I scrolled down far enough for the description. They jammed everything in there except “creamy” and “yummy”.
If this was a game of “etsy or regretsy,” I would have sworn regretsy because it’s too good not to be satire
The creamy goes into the portal
When I saw that hairy pit I threw up a little bit in my mouth.
it’s how she catches the criminals: off-guard.
Honestly, how can my original comment be hiddendue to low rating? tisk tisk tisk.
You’re new here I take it. “Throw up a little” is a banned phrase. It used to get struck through by Bronc’s spam filter, but now he lets us do it for him.
*mind wanders, thinking of so many things I can do for Bronc*
Hi Mugsy! I’m ashamed to admit that I accidentally thumbed up that original comment. Isn’t the punishment for that spankings from Bronc?
oh please, oh please, oh please!!!
“I accidentally thumbed up that original comment. Isn’t the punishment for that spankings from Bronc”
Do you really expect me to believe you “accidentally” thumbed it up? Really? Pfff! Steamy, you’re talking to me, Mugsy, your old drinking buddy. You and I know what you really did and why.
OK, so I meant to thumb it up, just out of courtesy to a newbie, even though we shouldn’t coddle them, right? They need tough love.
I’ve got the rum, you bring the glasses and we’ll wait in line for our “punishment” spankings from Bronc, ‘kay? *giggles*
I didn’t get the memo. Can we say, “I queefed a little”? I shall await the Council’s decree, but I daresay it seems womb-ily apropos this time.
That depends…are you physically equipped to queef? Only about 50% of the population is so equipped.
I too am new here. Is there a list somewhere of these banned phrases so I can avoid thumb downing?
I think you just have to take the thumbs.
Everybody gets thumbs-downed eventually. It’s a rite of passage. Enjoy!
I just spent an inordinately long time searching for Bronc’s post about forbidden words and phrases. Suffice it to say that these are down-thumb offenses:
1. Threw up a little in my mouth
2. meh or any other one-word comment of equal uselessness
4. intertubes or interwebs
And I’m sure there’s more.
If one of your comments gets a negative rating, check for that kind of stuff. If you didn’t say something that’s been utterly overused, then you may have offended someone. Congratulations!
Don’t worry, TallandGassy. It’s a clique thing. If your comment is more than two standard deviations off center, Mugsy Doodle or somebody similar will condescend to point it out. Have a look at comment threads for the past several posts, and you’ll see the pattern I see.
I don’t take orders from Mugsy Doodle. How many times do we have to read the same thing before we get bored? That’s what the thumbs are for. If all you have to say is “I threw up in my mouth,” just save it. It’s not that you are too different from us its that its been done to death. If you are new and don’t know that, just take your thumbs and learn from it. If you want glowing approval for everything you do, go to Etsy forums.
I feel immense pride that my comments are hidden by fellow fucktards…….My sacral chakra thank you.
I threw up on my thumb a little.
OK, the jury’s still out on “threw up on my thumb a little.” For the time being, I think you can use it…but don’t get carried away.
No worries. It’s a single-use, occasion-specific phrase. And it was the thumb down I threw up on* so it all worked out.
* not really
Okay, I found the Great Regretsy Rule Book. *flipping pages*. Here it is: Article 754, Section 8, Subsection iii says that “All commenters must refrain from using the the phrase “threw up a little,” especially with the fragment “in my mouth” or other variations unless the item posted for review and mockery involves vomit art. Any commenters found using this phrase in the forbidden manner must be down-thumbed with prejudice but without malice.”
So there you go! Thank goodness Article 1 states that “the glasses of all who visit Regretsy shall remain full at all times.” RUM FOR ALL!
I’m still waiting for my thumbs down rite of passage… probably because I think “meh” is a non-word, the phrase “threw up in my mouth” is downright ugly as well as meaningless and “interwebs” is unacceptably cutsie-pie.
Methinks, on the other hand, is OK… if there’s actual thinking involved. But this is Regretsy, isn’t it?
I threw up in my womb a little
I think I threw up some placenta smoothie.
Oh, come onnnn. If you like girls with shaved pits, fine and dandy, lots of us shave ‘em, but acting like it scars you for life to see a woman who doesn’t is just plain dumb.
Exactly what could you keep in this utility belt? It doesn’t look sturdy enough to hold a couple of tampons.
Diva cup on one side, some patchouli oil on the other.
Tea? A few cloves? Your dignity?
I keep my dignity in the pocket of my KangaROOS.
They still make those???
Dang, I had a few pair of those back in the early 80s. Probably the most comfy sneakers I ever owned!
I kept a spare house and car key in the little pocket and that came in handy once when I locked myself out of the car with the engine running!
Yeah, what G Val said. I had a pair and LOVED them.
And yours are SO pretty, Steamy!
Hee, I had a pair of those my freshman year of high school- I kept any spare change I found in them.
It’s where you stash your used-but-reusable crocheted tampons, silly.
raw food bars
list of cruelty-free companies
and weed. you forgot the weed!
dried placenta jerky
phases-of-the-moon calendar (for naked dancing)
The back of her shirt looks like a snatch. A wombyn belt? Blood red pants? Come on now.
I know I am a woman. I really don’t need the team uniform if I have the right equipment to play.
I am especially concerned by the triple vagina that seems to be there. Is it like a vaginal hydra?
TMI alert, but I actually have a double vagina, which I now shall refer to as “the hydra”.
IT’S LIKE YOU’RE A MARSUPIAL
A marsupial with a monocle—Steampunk!!!!!
You goddess, you!
you’re double sacral.
I’M SUPER SACRIAL GUYZ
Wow! That actually exponentially increases the amount of alternate dimensions accessible through your lady parts!
*scratches head* But not four legs, right? Okay, so you’re NOT the lady Joe Haldeman was talking about in “The Ballad of Stan Long: A Sexist Epic.” (Google it; I can’t be bothered, lunch has to be poured).
I’m glad i’m not the only one who saw this. I was afraid regretsy was making me see vaginas everywhere.
You know, I wouldn’t mind having extra pockets to wear over my yoga pants (i.e. what I wear every day), but not if it’s going to cause me to birth a magical being.
yes, I take careful measures to ensure my womb can’t work any of its sacred moon magick.
TAKE THAT, UTERUS
So Bat girl isnt a real redhead……..You just solved one of the biggest comic book nerd questions ever.
Maybe she dyes her armpits….
Ah, to keep the nerds guessing…..what a tricky bitch that BatGirl is.
Sacral =/= sacred
I think she really did mean sacral, as in relating to the sacrum, which this… item… would cover. Possibly I’m giving her too much credit, though.
Perhaps, but I feel like she’s specifying “sacral” for some reason, like a perceived etymology
… wait. that really is the origin of ‘sacrum.’ YOU’VE WON THIS ROUND, MYSTIC MOON GODDESS
Apparently the “sacral chakra” is a thing. I just googled it, and it seems to be around the lower stomach so may possibly be near the sacrum, except that most peoples’ sacra are generally a lot more dorsal (posterior). Then again I have no idea whether a “chakra” is supposed to be located near the skin, or inside the body somewhere, or what. So it could be closer together.
Isn’t that originally from Hindu or Buddhist beliefs, with the 7 chakras? All this nü-pagan stuff is giving me headaches, I can’t make heads or tails of all their “religion”.
As a feminazi I take complete offense to this.
Hey, that’s Feminazi, with a capital F. Show some self-respect, dammit!
I don’t conform to your conformity, Mugsy…Doodle….
I couldn’t do it with a straight face.
I find the model supremely attractive, uteral fuckery aside, and I would do terrible things to her.
I’ll certainly give you that I was surprised and delighted to see that she maintains her “happy trail” area.
Do they include using a measuring tape and aligning fabric scraps a bit less off center?
Yes! It’s not usually my first reaction to a Regretsy post to exclaim, “Why is there a kerchief covering that MAGNIFICENT ASS?!”
I literally let loose a Charlie Brown-style “AUGH” when I started reading all that bullshit about my uterus being a creational dementional place or something.
Also, “womb” always sounded like something make out of spiderwebs to me. Can we outlaw it?
I no longer have a uterus, as a consequence of god damn tumors and shit. I guess that makes me a failure as a wombyn and I should just go die or something. Fucking uterus-worshiping cuntcakes.
The next time some old bat driving a Jag cuts me off in traffic, I’m going to lean my head out the window and yell “Cuntcakes”.
Me too and I never think about it until some damned magikal wombyn reminds me I’m not on the team any more. THANKS GODDESS!
A string of obscenities like that makes you a Real Woman in my book. Uterus is optional!
Mine prolapsed after my twins were born, Knitbranch. We should form The Wombless Wombyn’s Club. No one with a functioning uterus is allowed to join. We can even have a secret handshake!
I feel cuntcakes would make an excellent euphemism for tampons.
I am fairly sure that some Etsyian could crochet you a sacred womb-replacement shoulder bag, with beaded ovaries.
I have to say, I’ve never encountered the term being used outside Etsy, but if I ever do run across someone in real life using it, I’m going to call them out on it.
“So if you don’t have a uterus, you’re not a *real* woman?”
Yes, but can you carry your cell phone in it?
You really don’t want a cell phone that close to your sacral chakra area.
Ever see “Machete”? In the first few minutes, a naked chick pulls a cell phone out of her bajingo. A memorable scene.
What was the ringtone, “Push, Push, in the Bush”?
I agree. I hate it when I accidentally chakra-dial my cell phone. SO embarrassing!
seriously, though, if my womb is already a portal to another dimension, what do i need with a pocket belt? Wouldn’t i have all the storage I might need?
I’ve always wondered how the drug mules could fit so much product into their bodies. Learn something new every day.
The saddest thing is walking around with a transdimensional portal & not being able to use it without turning yourself inside out.
ok Spandy, ya got me. *Goes to find a towel to clean up the coffee spewed all over the keyboard*
This is only peripherally related to the subject at hand, but I just came across this and knew that this group would be interested to comment:
Yeah, that’s how we’ll get rich white men to respect us. KNITTING.
That’s far too much work to spend on a congressman.
Don’t those fat bastards want us to stick to our knitting and let them *coughchoke* “take care of women’s bodies?”
I’ll stick them with something. Knitting needles are hard and pokey.
I’m going to be knitting some baby socks tonight and I just know that every time I push the needle into a stitch I’ll say “poke!” and start giggling.
I don’t expect to get much work done tonight.
Shouldn’t these really be going to Rick Perry along with all those explicit reproductive and menstrual questions?
How come none of these earthmother types ever think of us post menopausal wombynz when they’re designing their empowering vag clothing? Huh? Huh? Shit, think how easy — a little, wrinkled 1/2″ strip of gauze with frayed edges (to look like cobwebs) symbolizing our dried up, barren-wasteland uterii. Decorate it with a couple dead flowers and maybe some Premarin beaded into it and voila!! I’d do it but I’m lazy. Well, that and I don’t have an Etsy store.
Needs to be tatting, not gauze. Besides, earthwombyn assume we all traded ours in at the recycle depot for a no-expiration date coupon for Depends, and are using the Premarin to keep eye-bags at bay.
Wait a minute! I thought it was Preparation-H to keep eye-bags at bay. And here I’ve been taking a teaspoonful every morning.
Battywombyn. Judging strictly by the prose since my eyes went on strike nanoseconds after the thought ” dried blood tights?”
I want to wear this, strike a pose, and be all… “POWER WOMB, ACTIVATE!”
There are no words. At least not coherent ones that make sense when used in a sentence.
And yet you found coherent words that make sense in a sentence.
“Don’t believe anything I say because everything I say is a lie.”—Harcourt Fenton Mudd
Thank you, LB!
Thing, thingg, thiinnnng, thiiinnnggggg…..
That belt is useless. Those pockets are nowhere near big enough to hold my hot glue gun and duct tape.
I think it’s useful it you want to walk around looking like a twat. Oh, wait…um…
Where is Batwombyn’s placenta pendant, hmm?
we’re totally thinking alike here. I just asked the same thing, bahah.
That’s almost sort of cute. I could see my sort of hippie friend wearing it. But, not with all that wombyn bullshit.
Shouldn’t Batwombyn be wearing sensible shoes, not heels??
Don’t be hating, you heelist!
Oh please, those are barely heels. What are they, two inches at most? That’s the perfect height for crime fighting.
Those are kitten heels. She traded her placenta pendant to Catwoman for them.
Things one might create from their infinite portal:
A brand new stereophonic speaker system
A complete set of the 2012 Encyclopeida Britannica Print Edition
The Wombanhattan Project
…the possibilities are ENDLESS
Ewww! I don’t want to think of my portal and Geraldo Rivera in the same sentence.
*runs off to take a hot shower with industrial anti-bacterial soap and steel wool*
What about shooting lasers out of your portal at GR? Because that’s a creative possibility, too.
Now that is something I’d like to do!
I think I have some weird Japanese movie along that premise.
You just reminded me of the fanfic Doomsday Womb, where Inspector Gadget’s niece ends up with some sort of mini black hole in her uterus and it’s up to Superman and Batman to save Metropolis.
I think I have a new favourite Regretsy photojob. You guys never cease to amaze me. Brock is my graphic manipulation idol.
Hello sicky. **Bronc. Don’t know who Brock is.
Possibly my only animated crush. *Le sigh*
I kind of like the belt but why does the description have to be so annoying?
I know, right? It’s kind of cute. But then you read the description and the head meets the desk.
Those pockets are the perfect size to put individually rolled, upcycled all cotton tampons made from baby socks!
I don’t plan on having kids, does that mean I shouldn’t buy this? Or should I still buy it because of all the creative possibilities I can make with my own artistic abilities in the dimensions beyond?
the batWOMByn picture totally just made my week.
If I wanted to ‘honor’ my ‘sacred place’ I wouldn’t choose something that ugly.
I’d just masturbate.
dammit I just finished cleaning up the *last* coffee spew … *sigh*
Oh goody! I see the new RNC logo is out in lots of time for the next election.
I’m not into all that sacred uterus stuff, but I’ve been called kind of crunchy. Even I can’t envision what I’d wear this with, or where I’d wear it.
I’d be afraid folks would think I was wearing some sort of quilted underwear or diaper.
wait wait wait.
shouldn’t batwombyn have a placenta necklace to complete the “look?”
If this is so adjustable, you’d think it wouldn’t be so crookedly up the model’s crack.
I just had a true, “sip water, scroll down the page, view picture and try to avoid spewing the water out your nose”,moment.
Excellent post, Helen. Everywhere I looked – it was a feast for the eyes!
Where’s the utility belt for my spleen chakra? Why should my uterus have all the fun when it’s not even doing anything useful?
I could die happy if I got the chance to call someone “fucking uterus-worshiping cuntcake.”
Ok, if the pouches were bigger I could see it being useful for LARP-type costuming where it can be difficult to balance looks vs. functionality.
As a magical womb portal decoration though I think I prefer healing gemstone vajazzling.
Wonder Wombyn powers, ACTIVATE!
Form of: SACRED CHAKRAL AREA
Shape of: DIMENSIONAL PORTAL TO INFINITY AND BEYOND
oh no….how am I ever going to be able to entertain visitors in my portal if all I hear is “to infinity and beyond!” in Tim Allen’s voice? I suppose if I was entertaining Tim Allen it would be okay, but still…
When the seller talks about the womb being a portal for infinate things I keep on flashing back to that “Family Guy” episode that makes fun of “Poltergeist” and the “gateway” being Meg’s butt.
That and I keep on imagining wombs everywhere crawling out of their vaginas and going off and doing stuff.
I need sleep.
If I didn’t know any better I genuinely would have assumed the description was added as a joke by someone on regretsy and not the actual seller.
I see the bajingo vest.
One pocket for Bajingo Wash, the other pocket for Placenta Snax.
We are able to birth CHILDREN from the womb? Is that what those two things are running around my house and eating my food?
I couldn’t decide between that and: We are able to birth children from the WOMB? Is THAT what it’s for?
So, I give you both.
She’s not wearing it around her womb. Her womb area is all naked and unadorned. Call me when she’s eight months pregnant and figures out that her baby isn’t hiding in her butt crack.
I coulda used a belt like that, back when I smoked.
This is what happens if you eat too much kale.
Crochet Guevara left something out of the Batwombyn picture. Clearly, Batwombyn should also have been wearing her Red Tent Menarche necklace that her mother gave her on the day of Batwombyn’s first period, shortly before her mother was ubiquitously murdered by a criminal (a MAN!!!!!1) immediately afterwards.
It’s hanging off her belt. I should know, I did the ‘shop.
After that thread, I can’t not see Shawn the Demon Sheep in that thing.
You know what’s sad? Without the dirty hippie copy, I’d actually dig one of these. I have so many skirts without pockets, I’d like something like this. I wouldn’t even care about the stench of dork coming off me. I’m a mother of two, a gamer, a developer, and I live in the burbs. Any cool I had died a long time ago.
I have a British friend who refers to ultra short skirts as fanny pelmets. Works for this item too.
well, I’ve found my next Halloween costume.
Wait, wait, wait. Did they make the belt out of the shirt?!?
I can’t stop staring at the armpit hole. It both fascinates and completely disgusts me at the same damn time.
I like to think of my womb as less like a portal & more like a black hole…
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