I used to have to deliver fresh placentas for my courier job. I picked them up in some sort of pail and had to deliver them to a big lab for cord blood preservation and other actually useful purposes. It wasn’t as gross as you’d think though I concur I was underpaid.
All discussion of placenta aside, there is no way I could do this to my lovely Dan the FedEx Man. He brings my dog biscuits, and I think loves the dog more than we do. I think next time I see him I’ll have to ask him what he thinks of this idea, though. What scares me most is that he might have encountered worse!
That looks like diarreah…… I am not feeling nostalgic for my son’s birth at all…. Then again I never feel like strolling down a memory lane where I am in labour four days, his head jams halfway out, I get an emergency c section and almost die…. Yeah, fun times…
And when did the placenta all of a sudden become super important to preserve forever and ever and eat and paint with and everything?
Once they handed me the baby I could have given one flying fuck about anything else in the room – the last thing on my mind was “OH WAIT – SAVE THE MEDICAL WASTE FOR ME TO TAKE HOME AND PLAY WITH!)
Honestly, if people would just donate all the cord blood from their placentas/cords – it would be a FAR more meaningful memorial to delivery. Give forth life, and also be able to possibly save a life. But nah, wtf, dry that fucker up and make a necklace instead – way, way more impactful.
I’ve heard that not all hospitals are able to properly preserve the cord blood fast enough but, if you can, why wouldn’t you? Then again I am an organ and blood donor and other horrible stuff, too.
There are also donation companies that only ask to be notified within 30 min of collection – they come to the hospital and pick it up and go preserve it properly. NONE of the hospitals in my area did it, but I was still able to talk my docs into helping me out and we donated both times!
My MIL has my Husband’s foreskin in her jewellery box. She asked me if I wanted it. Needless to say, I vomit-burped. When I was pregnant with our son his side of the family was wigged out that we weren’t going to circumcise because he wouldn’t look like his dad. Excuse me for wanting to keep his junk intact instead of making it into a treasured memento.
Why on earth would she think you wanted it? The thing probably wouldn’t fit him now.
I’m trying to imagine a set of circumstances in which it would be truly important for father and son to be a matching set. I haven’t come up with anything sane so far, but there’s plenty of truly disturbing (and illegal/immoral/repellant) possibilities.
I think the piss wars in the shower will be just fine even though they aren’t dead ringers -HAHAHA!
The Great Aunt is a home health care worker and said that we should do it because it’s “gross” when she has to clean geriatric men’s foreskin. Super! Should we get him a colostomy now so it’s in a convenient throw away bag for the diaper years in 80 years?!
I dunno, swapping out the husband’s foreskin with beef jerky using slight of hand would have been priceless. O:) Nom nom tasty foreskin…why are you so green?
“The Catholic mystic Catherine of Siena claimed that, in a vision, she received the Holy Prepuce or foreskin as a wedding ring symbolising her marriage to Christ. A certain Saint Bridget made it known she had received bits of prepuce from an angel which she put on her tongue and gave her orgasmic-like sensations.”
I can’t say I’ve ever atrributed those sort of feelings to the presence of foreskin on the tongue; there’s usually a few other things going on at times like those.
Well, you know, it’s like one of those haircuts where they don’t take quite enough off the first time, or the second, and then suddenly you find out just what your scalp looks like…
You know what really burns my biscuits here? They’ll let you take home a really huge piece of bloody medical waste to do with what you will, but I couldn’t get my god damned gall stones!
Funny thing is that they consider it a biohazard and will not give these other excised bits over. My ex-husband wanted to take home his appendix. The nurses thought it was just the morphine talking. He still claims it’s bullshit that they wouldn’t give it over in an old pickle jar or something.
My MIL got my husband’s appendix when he had it out. Offered to show it to me, too. Then again, she was a pathologist, and it was at the hospital she’d worked at several years before, so maybe that’s why they let her have it.
Yeah, if you have a well-educated medical background they’re much more likely to indulge you. I assume they think a pathologist is smart enough to not eat an appendix nor make or make it into disturbing jewelry.
I’m due in August too! Theres no way I would do something like this though……I was going to make jerky….and sell it on Etsy. Super-cute and yummy! (sorry everyone)
They asked me at the hospital when I had my daughter if I wanted to keep the placenta. I told them, “No, I’ll just take the baby. I really shouldn’t be bringing home medical waste. I wouldn’t know what I’d do with it.”
Apparently the natives here bury the placenta, and plant a tree on top, and it becomes the child’s tree, and grows with it, etc. etc. A lot nicer than preserving it between polymer resin hung on a chain.
Now, I must wonder, if I HAD decided to take the placenta home with me, how would they package it? Would it be whimsically gift-wrapped in vintage newspaper articles and tied with ribbon?
Wearing gloves and looking everywhere but AT the person they give it to newMom or newDad in a big ziplock, which goes home to the freezer RIGHT NOW ( these things spoil, you know). When mama feels up to going out in the yard with a baby carrier in one hand and a spading fork in the other, the Tree of Choice can be planted with the placenta as fertilizer. If the placenta is still frozen, it immediately kills the tree: so much for earthy magic. OR, if either of the Grandmothers is a *bruja*, she will make a rich nourishing soup with an assortment of unspeakable ingredients and serve it to the new mother. Dang it Regretsy, I’ve spent more time mentally back in New Mexico in the last week than I have in the last 3 years. NO! I don’t know what it tastes like, and if it’s anything like the smell of menudo, you don’t want to know either.
Wouldn’t you love to be there for the awkward moment when the owner of one of these proudly bestows it upon her future daughter-in-law?
“I’ve worn these bits of tissue around my neck for the last 25 years to commemorate the 32 hours of excruciating labor I suffered to birth my beloved son. Now, I want you to be reminded of it every day too.”
When offered the foreskin jerky ring, I just backed away and said, “Noooo,” in a whisper. Maybe that’s why my MIL and I aren’t close? That’s perfectly okay with me.
I clicked on the word “earrings” three times before I realized that it wasn’t a link and am now disappointed in the seller for not making a matching earring set.
If you are going to sell placenta jewelry at least offer full matching sets. Go big or go home.
The earrings would be imprints of stretch marks and saggy breasts. Spritzed with some urinary incontinence from pushing that watermelon sized baby through your nostril sized vagoo.
Now that’s a set.
Based on the number of things that show up on Etsy, people must buy – and use – a lot of placenta based products. I am proud to say that I don’t know any of them.
Honey, if the only thing about this pendent that worries you is the shipping cost of fresh placenta on ice, then you really need to reevaluate your priorities.
When I signed up for the bone marrow registry, I had to send in swabs of my cheek cells. They sent me a special, pre-approved envelope for that purpose.
The VA did the same thing when they wanted my husband to send in stool samples.
But, my guess is, this seller (or any of her customers) don’t have special dispensation to ship this stuff. I do have to go to the post office, so I’ll ask if it’s legal while I’m there.
Good point. I was wondering about the logistics of it, like, do you send it via USPS? How do you package it so the “ice” doesn’t melt? Even if you were flying it by supersonic jet, I feel like it’d melt at some point. Dry ice? Can you just buy that? And there are definitely restrictions on sending certain materials…
The Ingles market down the street from me sells dry ice right by the front doors. I have yet to figure out why it requires a higher level of convenience and prominence than regular ice. The only restriction on the sign is that you have to be 18 to buy it.
I know in the US, it is completely NOT legal to ship human tissue without a butt-load of special permits.
My wife is a director at a tissue bank and people call all the time to have their cells preserved and want to just “ship” them. She needs to constantly be telling them “no”.
It IS ok, however, for the LICENSED-with-all-the-permits organization to send you approved shipping material to have you send samples back to them.
I am pretty sure this seller does not have those permits, especially since she is telling her customers to just go ahead and ship their tissue samples in any way they choose.
It’s called “bio-hazardous material” and “medical waste” and needs to be handled (and disposed of) properly.
What she is doing with the medical waste may not be illegal, but what she is asking her customers to do IS illegal, unless they get the proper permits and approved shipping materials.
You know what makes this worse? Someday, this will lose its back story, and some poor unsuspecting soul at a garage will pick it up and closely examine it, wondering what it is. RUN, YOU IDIOT! IT’S PLACENTA!
That’s an English-language phrase that really shouldn’t have to exist. As it is, it’s now going to haunt me, the kind of mental image that strikes, unawares, at those moments when you’re feeling carefree, all’s right with the world….oh, right. “Handle some stranger’s placenta….” [shudder]
just look on Etsy for placenta, I bet you can find it. Then claim it as your own and you, too, can have strange adornments made of human body parts. And it will be even more interesting because it is not YOUR body parts.
Perhaps you could send other objects removed from your body? A suspicious mole, a wart? If they refuse, you can always work up a rant about how they’re discriminating against the placentally-challenged.
The seller’s only really other product for sale is a leather bracelet with “TRUST BIRTH” stamped into it. I don’t know, that whole parasite that can kill me coming out out of me fear is probably not going to be changed with a bracelet.
Here it is. It’s more disturbing conceptually than visually, for those of you worried about clicking on it. If you didn’t know what it was, you wouldn’t be disturbed.
That’s something right out of a haunted house story. A really sad one where the kid turns out warped because that thing’s watching every night as he sleeps and all the bullies throw rocks and call him mean names like “Creepy Bear” and then the kid ends up a recluse and dies alone, and if you go in the house at night you can still hear him, whispering secrets to his stuffed placenta pal.
But you know, some people do eat their own placentas. I showed Mr. L a picture online of what looked like pasta with meat sauce (his favorite dish), but it was pasta with afterbirth sauce! He was so traumatized, he couldn’t eat meat sauce for months.
You know, in some countries, they eat their own vomit. {pause} I’ve never been there. I read about it. In a book!
A local business I know of specializes in “encapsulating placenta”, i.e. making it into vitamin-like pills that you can then take. it’s supposed to have amazing healing properties.
yeah. no thanks. I’m due in October and mine will be going to cancer research too, which I didn’t know you could even do until I read this. So thank you, FJLs, for that!
And now I have Ghost Adventures in my head, with Zak yelling, “Do you want your dried pieces of placenta?? DO YOU??? Well, come here and slap them outta my HAND then!!!”
“Nice! Is that menstrual blood?”
“No, it’s placenta! Dehydrated, of course.”
“Of course, of course. Best possible way to commemorate the birth of your kid and your femininity and the moon power and flowers and love and fairy magic!”
As conversation piece at Regretsy:
“Your pendant looks diseased.”
“It’s dehydrated placenta!”
“What the everliving fuck is wrong with you? God, just looking at that makes me want to take a bath.”
“Bath?”
It would be way more classy to incinerate your placenta and make it into one of those created diamonds. At least it would sparkle instead of looking like bits of scab under a blob of resin.
Truth, Justice and the Pudding Way
March 22, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Because dead flesh is the best way to remember the day you push a big screaming ham and then some out of your bajingo which is left looking like a Goatse-d anus. I mean, is there a market for this sort of stuff?
She hasn’t sold any and I think her plan is to collect as much placenta as she can before the authorities get on her case and then, through cloning, create her own army of somethings. Sorry, can’t think of a collective noun.
No but she is collecting hippy douchebags (used) to upcycle into eco-friendly rehydration purses for adventurous womyn who are going on life affirming treks to bury their unrehydrated placenta trimmings in the wiccan forests of Mount Uterus.
I have no kids, but I do have a dog. Maybe the seller will seal a dried up dog turd in resin for me so I can forever remember the joy of having to pick up shit by hand.
I just searched for “placenta” on etsy. Why would I do that to myself? Thankfully, this was pretty much the worst thing listed, so I don’t have to go cry now.
Yeah, the mother does the work of making the placenta for nine months, and yet she has to pay for this? The crafter should be paying her.
Oh, disturbing thought: where did she get the placenta for the sample necklaces? Is it hers? Did someone donate to her for free? Did she go Dumpster diving behind the local birthing center?
What to do with your placenta if you’re not eating it. (Really, I once came across a story of vegan new age earth mothers eating placenta stew.)
And I have to join the chorus of wondering if this is even legal. This is up there with the trade in “chickenpox pops” where a kid with chickenpox would lick a lollipop, then the parent would sell it via mail order to other parents who want their kids exposed and/or fear vaccinations, and they weren’t shipped as biohazards (what if a postal worker handled them and wasn’t immune?). I think the authorities stomped down on that, rightfully.
I read STFUParents quite often. Not only have I heard of placenta eating before, I have heard of variations: raw, cooked, powdered into capsules, BLENDED INTO SMOOTHIES… and the pictures. Oh my holy fuck, have I seen pictures. Yet strangely, this pendant was still enough to turn my stomach.
Dude – that was the grossest thing back when I was having my babies – all the women on Fertility Friend were discussing what to do with the umbilical stump when it fell off, and there I was, screaming “THROW IT THE FUCK OUT YOU FREAKS” at the computer monitor.
Geez, I never thought I would think those were the “good ol’ days” of delivery chat….
What worries me is that the spoon or whatever the hell it is looks like a sommelier’s tastevin … Some day, some wine snob will pick this up at a gar[b]age sale and wonder what vintage the residue is.
I do not ever want any small bits of my own dehydrated ANYTHING placed inside jewelry quality resin, for ANY REASON!
How do you explain that to your child?
“What’s that mommy?”
“Well my sweet child born a natural birth in a daisy field, it is dried up bits of what kept you alive and cleaned up your shit while you were inside of me for 9 glorious months.”
I just have to say this – I want one. I want one from someone else’s placenta simply to wear when I have to go out with the new-age hippie moms I don’t like so that they never invite me again. Much like how I want a necklace made of human teeth to make all the goth kids feel less badass when they meet me in the mall.
I think I have a disorder. Or, it could just be that I’ve been drinking pretty hard for about 3 hours now.
I have a bag of extremely realistic ceramic teeth (made to go into dentures). I bought them decades ago with the idea of making them into a necklace, but have never got round to figuring out how to do this.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who isn’t 100% turned off by placenta, but still thinks this is garbage.
Placenta’s all right with me- keeps a baby alive, full of vitamins, funny sounding word. I get why people do the things you mentioned (bank it, donate it, encapsulate it, or plant it), but placenta related art makes me gag. Placenta’s kind of cool, but in no way pretty.
My poor husband was a little traumatized when he saw me deliver the placenta- and he’s had a job at a hospital helping patients with their bodily functions and currently draws blood for a living. So, not squeamish.
I must not be much of a womyn, or however the hell the unshorn placenta-eating feminist types spell it… because I find this fucking DISGUSTING. Maybe my perspective will change if I have a kid. I’ve got nieces and nephews that are my WORLD, and I love them to bits (pardon the pun)…. I can’t fathom having a kid that I’ll love even MORE than this, and wanting to keep part of the placenta… But I digress – that’s just me.
No. It’s not just you. I’ve given birth twice. I saw my placenta…oh wait..I didn’t.
I’ve seen more placentas on Regretsy than I have after my own labor.
Placentas are medical waste and should be treated as such.
I wish people would leave feminism out of their pseudo-shamanistic bullshit. I would consider myself a feminist, but I can’t say so in public between the wombyn-power dipshits and the anti-stay-at-home-mom wingnuts.
now if only she offered foreskin jewelry I could commemorate my sons circumcision too! – dehydrated foreskin of course! that would be one helluva charm bracelet! resinated placenta, umbilical cord and foreskin!… i must get crafting now
Yeah, but if everyone started doing this with the foreskin from their kids circumcision, Olive Garden wouldn’t be able to serve their “calamari” anymore…
Listen lady, I’m not interested in anything involved with wearing placenta, but if you have any good “buffalo style” recipes, I’m willing to pay top dollar.
Since it seems all the politicians are interested in what’s happening with my lady business, maybe they would like to have placenta jewelry for their own memories.
But ONLY from married mothers, because we all know that single mothers give birth to criminals. (Interesting that Sarah Palin didn’t speak up on that one, she being the mother of a single mother…oh, wait.)
I thought the keepsake from the birth was the kid itself. You have a cute screaming kid to take home. Is the crusty necklace to keep you from forgetting you have a child?
Eyup. I’ve had an intestinal flu for three days. “Placenta” was not what I first saw in that picture. Strangely, it was a relief; as much as I don’t understand who would want to wear a pendant of preserved blood clots, I would understand wanting to commemorate an explosive fart even less. Bits of placenta became the saner option, and that only seems to underline that there is something very, very wrong here.
If you forgot to save out some placenta when you buried yours in the backyard and planted an herb garden on top of it, just sent in some Bacon Bits, nobody will know the difference.
Ha! You know when I went to those hospital run birthing classes before my first pregnancy, pretty much the first thing they tell you is “Don’t bother asking, you can’t take the placenta home!” So I guess anyone who wants theirs immortalized in a disgusting jewelry piece needs to start planning how to sneak it home.
Really? The doula teaching my class claimed we could have ours. Then again, though, she was insane. Told me to bark like a dog while in labor and ruined Life Savers for me forever. Made us all suck on them for a while and then exclaimed ‘YEAH WHAT’S HAPPENING WITH THE CANDY? THE HOLE IS GETTING BIGGER, RIGHT?! AND IT’S GETTING THIN?! LIKE A CERVIX?!1!!1′
Needless to say I ended up going the online route for the remainder of the class.
Hmm.. maybe it’s a regional thing. Too bad I couldn’t of had your instructor. I think a little genuine craziness would have kept my husband from falling asleep during the class. Ha!
I’m due in two weeks and I’ve never, ever wanted to keep my placenta. Hell, I saw it on an ultrasound last week and even in the form of a grainy, black-and-white image I found it repulsive. Glad it does its shit for my kid but uh, yeah. No need for jewelry. Or smoothies. Or whatever else the crazies do with them these days.
thesunshinevalentineballerina
March 22, 2012 at 3:04 pm
I wonder if I shipped her enough of my toenail clippings if she could make me a pendant with a lovely snowflake design, or better yet, she could spell out “Just Breath” with them.
I was going to ask if there weren’t 5-bladed razors, but didn’t, because I was sure that was a crazy thought that couldn’t possibly be reality. Five? Psh! Then I read your post.
YES!!! I remember being half sloshed, passed out and woke up to that commercial … that was my introduction to SNL. And the “That’s why they call it dope” commercials … fun times.
I often confuse “placenta” and “polenta”. I’m still never 100% sure which one it is I should be running away from when I see the plastic chubs in the grocery, so I just avoid them both.
I’d like to see if she’ll make me a necklace from the dehydrated menstrual blood which commemorates the happy day I found out I was just a few days late and NOT pregnant. And that was truly a beautiful day, cramps and all.
I’ve never become physically ill from reading Regretsy before, but this has actually done it. Thank you, brainless Etsy shop owner, for surpassing the levels of sanity and decency and making me taste my lunch for the second time today.
Question: What if you’re one of those women who accidentally shit on the table while pushing? Could they get a half and half necklace? Would want to commemorate the entire experience, after all.
I had two teeth pulled a couple of weeks ago. Now I’m flagellating myself for not asking for those teeth so I could make jewelry from them. After all, those teeth had been with me for 40-something years, so it’s only right that some memorial be constructed for them. But it’s over now. The opportunity has passed.
OK, people, whatever the fuck you do, DO NOT search “dehydrated placenta” in image mode. People LOOOOOOOOOVE to post close-up photos of actual placentas being prepared for consumption in various ways.
How do you get dehydrated placenta? Why, you use your handy-dandy Ronco home dehydrator and follow your favorite jerky recipe! Your obstetrics team will be more than happy to wrap your placenta in plastic and refrigerate it for you until you’re ready to take it home. (Sure they will…)
And that’s as much as I’m going to say on an empty stomach. Or a full one. Or even one with a sip of gin and a Vicodin…POEM! POEM! POEM! {distracts self}
Ah, Ronco. God, how I miss those products. They had a whole section of Woolworth’s to themselves. My favorite was the in-egg scrambler, saving housewives TENS OF SECONDS of time from cracking open the egg into a bowl and whisking it with a fork (forking it?) and then pouring it into a pan. It was offered in an electric or battery-powered model, for those road trips when you wanted to cook eggs on your manifold, but didn’t have the room for a whisk, so you packed this blender-sized contraption.
Ronco…good times…oh, but don’t get me started on K-Tel records, or we’ll be here all day!
Fun medical waste story: back when I was an undergrad, one summer day the campus police locked down all the dorms and searched everyone’s room, taking an especially close look at all the wastebaskets and garbage bins before they finally let us move freely around campus again. Seemed bizarre, but then we found out they were looking for a dumped baby, having discovered a partially buried placenta on the grounds of our scenic New England campus.
Turns out, a yuppie couple from town decided to bury their new baby’s placenta under a tree on said scenic campus, during a full moon, for new-age white people reasons. Only they didn’t bury it very deep, and raccoons dug it up and gnawed on it a bit before police found it. The cops decided not to press charges after the mortified couple came forward during the hunt-for-a-discarded-newborn fun times.
dude. Having a baby is a big deal, but I have to totally agree here. Saving placenta isn’t an important memory. it’s fucking gross.
My mother in law saved my husband’s cord stump and she thinks I’m loony for not saving them from my kids. Uh, it’s disgusting. I’ll save a doll or a shirt or something that isn’t tissue from my uterus, thanks.
This could be far more disgusting. What if it wasn’t encased in resin? What if it wasn’t dehydrated? Picture a cheap metal chain with bits of decomposing placenta threaded onto it like beads. All the way around your neck.
I really don’t understand the whole placenta obsession. It’s for your baby. When your baby no longer needs it(right after birth)your body gets rid of it. Your body doesn’t even want that thing. There are so many other ways to remember your baby’s birth, why go for the most unsanitary one?
March 22, 2012 at 1:26 pm
My first reaction was “filthy glass ball?”
And then I read the description and threw up a little.
March 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm
Maybe if you ask nicely, they’d be willing preserve some of that vomit in a glass keepsake for you.
March 22, 2012 at 2:58 pm
You know, I’d rather have vomit jewelry than placenta jewelry.
March 22, 2012 at 3:56 pm
I’d rather have one that “left OFF placenta”.
March 22, 2012 at 3:56 pm
It would be more cost-effective if you could dehydrate your vomit. It couldn’t be any uglier than the placenta bits.
March 22, 2012 at 3:58 pm
And if you’ve been vomiting corn, it’ll be way more colorful!
March 22, 2012 at 4:28 pm
And getting puking drunk has to be better than give birth.
March 22, 2012 at 2:23 pm
Blarg! I’d hate to be the FedEx guy delivering dehydrated placenta. No job is worth that!
March 22, 2012 at 3:23 pm
I admit I mainly clicked “thumbs up” because of the word, “Blarg!”
March 22, 2012 at 4:24 pm
30 Rock rocks!
March 22, 2012 at 7:11 pm
I used to have to deliver fresh placentas for my courier job. I picked them up in some sort of pail and had to deliver them to a big lab for cord blood preservation and other actually useful purposes. It wasn’t as gross as you’d think though I concur I was underpaid.
March 24, 2012 at 12:28 am
But you get to write that on your resume, no?
March 26, 2012 at 8:18 am
I like to allude to it on my resume, but to be fair I am applying to work at hospitals; namely, the two in question.
March 22, 2012 at 7:38 pm
All discussion of placenta aside, there is no way I could do this to my lovely Dan the FedEx Man. He brings my dog biscuits, and I think loves the dog more than we do. I think next time I see him I’ll have to ask him what he thinks of this idea, though. What scares me most is that he might have encountered worse!
March 23, 2012 at 7:10 am
LOL, I read that the first time as that he brings YOUR dog-biscuits
March 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Obviously just a cheap ploy to get people to send bits of dehydrated placenta. I am so sick of scams like this. If you want my placenta, just ask me.
March 22, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Somebody is taking off with the Baby Batter idea and they need ingredients. Placentas don’t grow on trees, you know.
March 22, 2012 at 3:57 pm
I found one under a bush though.
March 22, 2012 at 4:35 pm
hey-yo!
March 22, 2012 at 6:41 pm
I saw what you did, there!
March 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Oh that is just GROSS……….. ewwwwwwwwwww
March 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm
Whatever happened to simple stuff like tear bottles (lachrymatory)to remember your loved ones by? This is vomit inducing.
March 22, 2012 at 1:59 pm
They will make necklace beads out of a male bodily fluid!!
March 22, 2012 at 2:06 pm
I do that too, sadly, no chain. But if you want male bodily fluid neck beads, I got ya covered.
March 22, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Thanks Pearl!!
March 22, 2012 at 11:09 pm
Human pearls: no oyster cruelty required!
March 22, 2012 at 1:29 pm
That looks like diarreah…… I am not feeling nostalgic for my son’s birth at all…. Then again I never feel like strolling down a memory lane where I am in labour four days, his head jams halfway out, I get an emergency c section and almost die…. Yeah, fun times…
March 22, 2012 at 1:30 pm
What, you don’t want to immortalize that painful/terrifying experience in a necklace? Psh.
March 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm
Sounds like my daughter’s birth. And no, I did not have anything made from the placenta.
March 22, 2012 at 5:55 pm
That’s just wasteful!
March 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm
I KNOW right?
And when did the placenta all of a sudden become super important to preserve forever and ever and eat and paint with and everything?
Once they handed me the baby I could have given one flying fuck about anything else in the room – the last thing on my mind was “OH WAIT – SAVE THE MEDICAL WASTE FOR ME TO TAKE HOME AND PLAY WITH!)
March 22, 2012 at 1:44 pm
At Crunchy Man General Hospital the placenta necklace comes free with your C-section
March 22, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Honestly, if people would just donate all the cord blood from their placentas/cords – it would be a FAR more meaningful memorial to delivery. Give forth life, and also be able to possibly save a life. But nah, wtf, dry that fucker up and make a necklace instead – way, way more impactful.
March 22, 2012 at 3:27 pm
If only it were possible to click the thumbs up more than once.
+++++
March 22, 2012 at 4:01 pm
Oh, please, it’s just paralyzed people. They’re not nearly as important as ugly, gross jewelry.
March 22, 2012 at 7:17 pm
I’ve heard that not all hospitals are able to properly preserve the cord blood fast enough but, if you can, why wouldn’t you? Then again I am an organ and blood donor and other horrible stuff, too.
March 23, 2012 at 10:56 am
There are also donation companies that only ask to be notified within 30 min of collection – they come to the hospital and pick it up and go preserve it properly. NONE of the hospitals in my area did it, but I was still able to talk my docs into helping me out and we donated both times!
March 24, 2012 at 12:31 am
That is stupid, why would you have to ask, I mean they are just going to throw them away ?
March 22, 2012 at 2:46 pm
My MIL has my Husband’s foreskin in her jewellery box. She asked me if I wanted it. Needless to say, I vomit-burped. When I was pregnant with our son his side of the family was wigged out that we weren’t going to circumcise because he wouldn’t look like his dad. Excuse me for wanting to keep his junk intact instead of making it into a treasured memento.
March 22, 2012 at 3:10 pm
See, MIL? I kept my son’s foreskin, too, just like you!
March 22, 2012 at 3:17 pm
Why on earth would she think you wanted it? The thing probably wouldn’t fit him now.
I’m trying to imagine a set of circumstances in which it would be truly important for father and son to be a matching set. I haven’t come up with anything sane so far, but there’s plenty of truly disturbing (and illegal/immoral/repellant) possibilities.
March 22, 2012 at 3:40 pm
I think the piss wars in the shower will be just fine even though they aren’t dead ringers -HAHAHA!
The Great Aunt is a home health care worker and said that we should do it because it’s “gross” when she has to clean geriatric men’s foreskin. Super! Should we get him a colostomy now so it’s in a convenient throw away bag for the diaper years in 80 years?!
March 22, 2012 at 3:19 pm
I dunno, swapping out the husband’s foreskin with beef jerky using slight of hand would have been priceless. O:) Nom nom tasty foreskin…why are you so green?
March 22, 2012 at 3:37 pm
“The Catholic mystic Catherine of Siena claimed that, in a vision, she received the Holy Prepuce or foreskin as a wedding ring symbolising her marriage to Christ. A certain Saint Bridget made it known she had received bits of prepuce from an angel which she put on her tongue and gave her orgasmic-like sensations.”
I was just reminded of this.
March 22, 2012 at 3:44 pm
So foreskin would be a useful seasoning in a silly mushroom omelet for nuns.
March 22, 2012 at 3:46 pm
I can’t say I’ve ever atrributed those sort of feelings to the presence of foreskin on the tongue; there’s usually a few other things going on at times like those.
March 22, 2012 at 4:02 pm
Bits of prepuce? Did they chop it up for distribution purposes, or did Jesus have a really slapdash mohel?
March 22, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I hearby claim “Slapdash Mohel” as my fantasy band name.
March 22, 2012 at 8:01 pm
Well, you know, it’s like one of those haircuts where they don’t take quite enough off the first time, or the second, and then suddenly you find out just what your scalp looks like…
March 23, 2012 at 1:50 am
Literal spit-take at Mrs. Vagoo for claiming that as a band name. Bravo!
*wipes monitor*
March 22, 2012 at 4:09 pm
Hmm, foreskin wedding ring you say? So that’s why lesbians can’t get married. But, shouldn’t gay men be good to go? I mean, they even have a spare.
March 22, 2012 at 6:01 pm
“melts in your mouth, not in your hand” :/
March 23, 2012 at 1:56 am
Supposing you DID manage to acquire the foreskin of an angel… WHY THE FUCK would you put in in your mouth? Crazy-ass nuns…
March 22, 2012 at 9:31 pm
Glingers that leave your fingertips free!
March 22, 2012 at 3:57 pm
You know what really burns my biscuits here? They’ll let you take home a really huge piece of bloody medical waste to do with what you will, but I couldn’t get my god damned gall stones!
March 22, 2012 at 4:03 pm
You should have told them you wanted them to make a necklace with. They would have handed them over with a smile.
March 22, 2012 at 9:30 pm
Funny thing is that they consider it a biohazard and will not give these other excised bits over. My ex-husband wanted to take home his appendix. The nurses thought it was just the morphine talking. He still claims it’s bullshit that they wouldn’t give it over in an old pickle jar or something.
March 23, 2012 at 12:34 am
My MIL got my husband’s appendix when he had it out. Offered to show it to me, too. Then again, she was a pathologist, and it was at the hospital she’d worked at several years before, so maybe that’s why they let her have it.
March 23, 2012 at 5:55 am
Yeah, if you have a well-educated medical background they’re much more likely to indulge you. I assume they think a pathologist is smart enough to not eat an appendix nor make or make it into disturbing jewelry.
March 22, 2012 at 8:11 pm
Guess I should have asked them to put my colon in a to-go sack…
March 23, 2012 at 2:57 pm
At least I got nice photos of my gallbladder.
March 22, 2012 at 1:29 pm
If my sister does stupid shit like this after she gives birth in August, I may slap the stupid out of her.
March 22, 2012 at 1:39 pm
I’m due in August too! Theres no way I would do something like this though……I was going to make jerky….and sell it on Etsy. Super-cute and yummy! (sorry everyone)
March 22, 2012 at 1:42 pm
Just don’t call it creamy.
March 22, 2012 at 2:02 pm
but do reduce the size of the smell
March 22, 2012 at 2:59 pm
Perfect for all the animal-products-from-consenting-animals-only vegans out there!
March 22, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Surely for that you have to preserve it until the kid is old enough to give their OK?
March 22, 2012 at 1:48 pm
I’m due in June. Would you like a placenta cookie? Cuz that’s kinda what I thought she was selling at first, until I saw the chain…*barfs*
March 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm
*also barfs*
March 22, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Quick! Scoop it up and make a necklace!!
March 22, 2012 at 4:09 pm
They asked me at the hospital when I had my daughter if I wanted to keep the placenta. I told them, “No, I’ll just take the baby. I really shouldn’t be bringing home medical waste. I wouldn’t know what I’d do with it.”
Apparently the natives here bury the placenta, and plant a tree on top, and it becomes the child’s tree, and grows with it, etc. etc. A lot nicer than preserving it between polymer resin hung on a chain.
Now, I must wonder, if I HAD decided to take the placenta home with me, how would they package it? Would it be whimsically gift-wrapped in vintage newspaper articles and tied with ribbon?
March 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm
March 23, 2012 at 6:54 pm
THANK YOU!!! for this
March 22, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Wearing gloves and looking everywhere but AT the person they give it to newMom or newDad in a big ziplock, which goes home to the freezer RIGHT NOW ( these things spoil, you know). When mama feels up to going out in the yard with a baby carrier in one hand and a spading fork in the other, the Tree of Choice can be planted with the placenta as fertilizer. If the placenta is still frozen, it immediately kills the tree: so much for earthy magic. OR, if either of the Grandmothers is a *bruja*, she will make a rich nourishing soup with an assortment of unspeakable ingredients and serve it to the new mother. Dang it Regretsy, I’ve spent more time mentally back in New Mexico in the last week than I have in the last 3 years. NO! I don’t know what it tastes like, and if it’s anything like the smell of menudo, you don’t want to know either.
March 24, 2012 at 12:34 am
you know I was thinking (I bet that looks like menudo)
March 22, 2012 at 7:03 pm
You’d think at least in an aluminum foil origami swan. Just don’t forget what it is and feed it to the dog!
March 22, 2012 at 9:51 pm
Chinese take-out box. Or styrofoam clamshell.
March 22, 2012 at 1:30 pm
There’s nothing I treasure more from my pregnancy than small bits of my own dehydrated placenta dangling around my neck.
Oh, and the kid, too, I guess…
March 22, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Wouldn’t you love to be there for the awkward moment when the owner of one of these proudly bestows it upon her future daughter-in-law?
“I’ve worn these bits of tissue around my neck for the last 25 years to commemorate the 32 hours of excruciating labor I suffered to birth my beloved son. Now, I want you to be reminded of it every day too.”
March 22, 2012 at 3:48 pm
When offered the foreskin jerky ring, I just backed away and said, “Noooo,” in a whisper. Maybe that’s why my MIL and I aren’t close? That’s perfectly okay with me.
March 22, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I’m so glad my mother-in-law isn’t *that* twisted.
March 22, 2012 at 7:31 pm
Me too! though she did give us the plastic IUD that failed, resulting in my husband. So there’s that ….
March 23, 2012 at 1:54 am
^Your icon describes my reaction face perfectly. WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FARK? That was INSIDE YOUR MOTHER IN LAW! UP IN HER PEAR TREE!
March 22, 2012 at 9:48 pm
I am so fucking glad my husband is an orphan.
March 24, 2012 at 12:36 am
haha Yea What the fuck kind of keepsakes are those?
My fiance’s mother died before we met and this is the first time I’ve thought “oh good”
March 22, 2012 at 1:30 pm
I clicked on the word “earrings” three times before I realized that it wasn’t a link and am now disappointed in the seller for not making a matching earring set.
If you are going to sell placenta jewelry at least offer full matching sets. Go big or go home.
March 22, 2012 at 2:31 pm
The earrings would be imprints of stretch marks and saggy breasts. Spritzed with some urinary incontinence from pushing that watermelon sized baby through your nostril sized vagoo.
Now that’s a set.
March 24, 2012 at 12:37 am
and poo.
sorry it rhymed with vagoo
March 22, 2012 at 1:30 pm
Based on the number of things that show up on Etsy, people must buy – and use – a lot of placenta based products. I am proud to say that I don’t know any of them.
March 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm
Honey, if the only thing about this pendent that worries you is the shipping cost of fresh placenta on ice, then you really need to reevaluate your priorities.
March 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm
Is it even legal to ship human tissue like that to someone?! This is the seventh level of gross.
March 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm
When I signed up for the bone marrow registry, I had to send in swabs of my cheek cells. They sent me a special, pre-approved envelope for that purpose.
The VA did the same thing when they wanted my husband to send in stool samples.
But, my guess is, this seller (or any of her customers) don’t have special dispensation to ship this stuff. I do have to go to the post office, so I’ll ask if it’s legal while I’m there.
March 22, 2012 at 2:45 pm
I’m visualizing a darling bone-marrow monocle with stool-sample chain. I could make this happen in my artistic ability.
March 22, 2012 at 1:43 pm
Good point. I was wondering about the logistics of it, like, do you send it via USPS? How do you package it so the “ice” doesn’t melt? Even if you were flying it by supersonic jet, I feel like it’d melt at some point. Dry ice? Can you just buy that? And there are definitely restrictions on sending certain materials…
March 22, 2012 at 2:15 pm
You can definitely buy dry ice. We’d use it to ship goetta to my aunt all the time.
March 22, 2012 at 11:25 pm
The Ingles market down the street from me sells dry ice right by the front doors. I have yet to figure out why it requires a higher level of convenience and prominence than regular ice. The only restriction on the sign is that you have to be 18 to buy it.
March 22, 2012 at 3:04 pm
I didn’t think so, but maybe it’s legal if it’s in the right kind of container.
March 23, 2012 at 7:19 am
I know in the US, it is completely NOT legal to ship human tissue without a butt-load of special permits.
My wife is a director at a tissue bank and people call all the time to have their cells preserved and want to just “ship” them. She needs to constantly be telling them “no”.
It IS ok, however, for the LICENSED-with-all-the-permits organization to send you approved shipping material to have you send samples back to them.
I am pretty sure this seller does not have those permits, especially since she is telling her customers to just go ahead and ship their tissue samples in any way they choose.
It’s called “bio-hazardous material” and “medical waste” and needs to be handled (and disposed of) properly.
What she is doing with the medical waste may not be illegal, but what she is asking her customers to do IS illegal, unless they get the proper permits and approved shipping materials.
March 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm
So this is what? Bio-hazard chic?
March 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm
And I thought shipping someone your dried placenta was frowned upon.
March 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Only if it’s unsolicited.
March 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm
Give it time. There will be earings.
March 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm
earrings. Damn. Didn’t catch it in time.
March 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm
I read that as “earwigs.”
Those too.
March 22, 2012 at 2:04 pm
Placenta is a favorite food of earwigs
March 22, 2012 at 2:37 pm
OK *NOW* I’m officially grossed out. (Earwigs are among the most heinous of insects)
March 22, 2012 at 6:06 pm
Nope… silverfish beats earwig.
March 22, 2012 at 9:52 pm
Two words: house centipede.
March 24, 2012 at 12:44 am
stinkbugs.
March 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm
You know what makes this worse? Someday, this will lose its back story, and some poor unsuspecting soul at a garage will pick it up and closely examine it, wondering what it is. RUN, YOU IDIOT! IT’S PLACENTA!
March 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm
*garage sale.
March 22, 2012 at 1:44 pm
*garbage sale.
March 22, 2012 at 4:11 pm
It could show up in a few years as “Vintage Steampunk OOAK.”
March 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm
I sincerely wonder about anyone who is willing to handle some sranger’s placenta, dehydrated or not.
March 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm
“handle some stranger’s placenta”
That’s an English-language phrase that really shouldn’t have to exist. As it is, it’s now going to haunt me, the kind of mental image that strikes, unawares, at those moments when you’re feeling carefree, all’s right with the world….oh, right. “Handle some stranger’s placenta….” [shudder]
March 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm
All of this makes me so sad that I’ll never have children and therefore no placenta to send to whackjobs on the internet.
Childfree by choice has its benefits!
March 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm
just look on Etsy for placenta, I bet you can find it. Then claim it as your own and you, too, can have strange adornments made of human body parts. And it will be even more interesting because it is not YOUR body parts.
March 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Oooh, yeah. Cos then I could claim placenta as my own and then give people blank looks when they ask about my children.
March 22, 2012 at 2:25 pm
That would make this horror worth every dime–the opportunity to explain what it is and then a blank look when asked about your children.
Eh, what am I saying? It’s a great idea, but I’m not going to wear anything like that. I prefer rectangular pendants.
March 22, 2012 at 2:46 pm
I’m eating soup and now it’s all over my keyboard. Thanks!
March 22, 2012 at 2:54 pm
Congratulations for looking at this listing and still being able to eat!
March 22, 2012 at 3:11 pm
On the upside, it’s actually soup and not soupy vomit.
March 23, 2012 at 6:33 am
You don’t even have to “claim” it as your own.
You bought it. It is yours.
March 23, 2012 at 12:42 am
Perhaps you could send other objects removed from your body? A suspicious mole, a wart? If they refuse, you can always work up a rant about how they’re discriminating against the placentally-challenged.
March 22, 2012 at 1:34 pm
The seller’s only really other product for sale is a leather bracelet with “TRUST BIRTH” stamped into it. I don’t know, that whole parasite that can kill me coming out out of me fear is probably not going to be changed with a bracelet.
March 22, 2012 at 1:46 pm
I wonder if it’s real or pleather. Or placenther.
March 22, 2012 at 2:56 pm
You’ve seen the placenta-leather teddy bear, right?
March 22, 2012 at 3:58 pm
<– Whispers, "Nooooooo," and backs away.
March 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm
…Pardon me while I pause and weep.
No, can’t say that I have, myself.
March 22, 2012 at 5:49 pm
Wait… what…?
*googles placenta-leather teddy bear*
ಠ_ಠ
March 22, 2012 at 9:55 pm
Here it is. It’s more disturbing conceptually than visually, for those of you worried about clicking on it. If you didn’t know what it was, you wouldn’t be disturbed.
http://www.inhabitots.com/doing-it-for-the-kids-design-exhibition-placenta-teddy-bear/
March 23, 2012 at 12:44 am
That belongs on Oddities.
March 23, 2012 at 6:58 am
That’s something right out of a haunted house story. A really sad one where the kid turns out warped because that thing’s watching every night as he sleeps and all the bullies throw rocks and call him mean names like “Creepy Bear” and then the kid ends up a recluse and dies alone, and if you go in the house at night you can still hear him, whispering secrets to his stuffed placenta pal.
March 24, 2012 at 12:46 am
seriously, this thing should be in the basement of the house from American Horror Story
March 22, 2012 at 1:34 pm
I have two kids, and both times I had no desire to see my placenta, let alone dehydrate it and craft with it.
I donated them both to cancer research.
I think my kids are more awesome than a giant ball of blood and tissue I expelled from my vagina.
Maybe I’m not hippie enough.
Or maybe I’m just not a committed enough crafter. Who knows.
March 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm
I think you’re sensible!
March 22, 2012 at 3:30 pm
When you said “I donated them both to cancer research” I thought you meant your kids.
March 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm
Bahah.
Oh, some days I want to.
March 22, 2012 at 4:08 pm
Actually, you’re just SANE.
March 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm
I have visions of someone using a food dehydrator to dry out their placenta, and leaving it unattended.
“Judy, this jerky is great! What seasoning did you use?”
“What beef jerky? I didn’t make any beef jerky. Oh…wait…uh…special blend, family secret.”
March 22, 2012 at 3:25 pm
That dehydrator will never be truly clean again.
But you know, some people do eat their own placentas. I showed Mr. L a picture online of what looked like pasta with meat sauce (his favorite dish), but it was pasta with afterbirth sauce! He was so traumatized, he couldn’t eat meat sauce for months.
You know, in some countries, they eat their own vomit. {pause} I’ve never been there. I read about it. In a book!
March 22, 2012 at 4:11 pm
No, no.. that’s dogs. Dogs eat their own vomit.
Hippies craft with it.
March 22, 2012 at 7:39 pm
ugh. that’s so wrong in so many ways.
A local business I know of specializes in “encapsulating placenta”, i.e. making it into vitamin-like pills that you can then take. it’s supposed to have amazing healing properties.
yeah. no thanks. I’m due in October and mine will be going to cancer research too, which I didn’t know you could even do until I read this. So thank you, FJLs, for that!
March 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm
Because your child just isn’t enough…
March 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm
At least that isn’t quite so… fleshy I guess?… as some of the others in her store; this one looks positively chunky:
March 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm
“Oh, my, what a lovely necklace!”
“Why thank you, it’s my placenta!”
OK, I suddenly see the value.
March 22, 2012 at 2:52 pm
That looks more like a year long scab collection. But that would just be weird.
March 22, 2012 at 3:21 pm
I’ve gone right off bacon bits now.
March 24, 2012 at 12:47 am
looks like maxi pad chunks. sorry for the visual
March 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm
Aren’t their federal laws that forbid shipping potentially contaminated body parts without, like, $30,000 worth of protective packaging?
March 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm
^there. Aren’t there federal laws. D’oh!
March 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm
That? Is fucking disgusting.
Who wants to wear something that looks like it came off of the floor of an abandoned hospital?
March 22, 2012 at 2:16 pm
And now I have Ghost Adventures in my head, with Zak yelling, “Do you want your dried pieces of placenta?? DO YOU??? Well, come here and slap them outta my HAND then!!!”
March 24, 2012 at 12:51 am
ROFL. I love you so much
March 22, 2012 at 4:12 pm
Oh, I’ve worked in more than one abandoned hospital and there’s not anything even remotely as gross as this in any of them.
March 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm
There are a lot of people making typos in this thread. I’d assume it’s because this thing has unsettled our brains.
March 22, 2012 at 1:59 pm
The same thing appears to have happened when the description was written. It’s like trying to read Nostradamus, but with more placenta.
March 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm
As conversation piece at Etsy:
“Nice! Is that menstrual blood?”
“No, it’s placenta! Dehydrated, of course.”
“Of course, of course. Best possible way to commemorate the birth of your kid and your femininity and the moon power and flowers and love and fairy magic!”
As conversation piece at Regretsy:
“Your pendant looks diseased.”
“It’s dehydrated placenta!”
“What the everliving fuck is wrong with you? God, just looking at that makes me want to take a bath.”
“Bath?”
March 22, 2012 at 1:39 pm
It would be way more classy to incinerate your placenta and make it into one of those created diamonds. At least it would sparkle instead of looking like bits of scab under a blob of resin.
March 22, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Because dead flesh is the best way to remember the day you push a big screaming ham and then some out of your bajingo which is left looking like a Goatse-d anus. I mean, is there a market for this sort of stuff?
March 22, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Well, she hasn’t sold any. Those 24 feedbacks are all from her to other sellers.
March 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm
Yes, but it’s been featured in THREE treasuries! Unless of course that was three of you FJLs featuring it in a treasury?
March 22, 2012 at 5:37 pm
*makes note to self: Great Idea for a Treasury…maybe call it “Ironically Yours”?*
March 22, 2012 at 1:39 pm
I assume she only accepts delivered placenta.
March 22, 2012 at 1:43 pm
Unless you can find a way to mail yourself to her pre-delivery.
March 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm
I misread that as ‘devilled’ placenta. Wonder if Underwood makes that.
March 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Utter madness. Have people learned nothing from Jurassic Park?!
March 22, 2012 at 2:30 pm
She hasn’t sold any and I think her plan is to collect as much placenta as she can before the authorities get on her case and then, through cloning, create her own army of somethings. Sorry, can’t think of a collective noun.
March 22, 2012 at 2:33 pm
Hippy douchebags?
March 22, 2012 at 2:55 pm
No but she is collecting hippy douchebags (used) to upcycle into eco-friendly rehydration purses for adventurous womyn who are going on life affirming treks to bury their unrehydrated placenta trimmings in the wiccan forests of Mount Uterus.
March 22, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Her biggest clientele be be here in Oregon, then. Seems I can’t go anywhere without catching a whiff of patchouli-soaked pussy.
Personally, I would never shove patchouli in my vagina.
March 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm
That’s what my spoons look like sometimes if I overload the dishwasher.
I will put your placenta in the dishwasher and sell you my spoons for the low low price of $50. It’s a steal!
March 22, 2012 at 1:45 pm
No one else is thinking “shift knob” these guys are.
http://www.wiseguycustoms.com/scorpions.html
nothing is too disgusting to put in a shift knob.
March 24, 2012 at 6:58 pm
Putting one of those on a door would be the most effective way to keep me out of a room. (shiver)
March 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm
I’ve seen a lot of ill-advised uses of placenta on this fine website, but this is the one that made me gag.
I’d like to thank you for posting this well after lunch.
March 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm
Maybe in your time zone! Ugh. Thank you for associating this with food.
March 22, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Mmmm….looks like Grape Nuts!
March 22, 2012 at 2:48 pm
*scratches “Grape Nuts,” “strawberry jam,” and “raspberry jam” off grocery list*
March 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm
I have no kids, but I do have a dog. Maybe the seller will seal a dried up dog turd in resin for me so I can forever remember the joy of having to pick up shit by hand.
March 23, 2012 at 12:51 am
You send a dog turd, I’ll send a Kitty Tootsie Roll.
March 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Can someone talented make it into a monocle for Petja? Please?
March 22, 2012 at 2:49 pm
You mean in Photoshop, right? Right???? Please gods, tell me you mean only in Photoshop.
March 22, 2012 at 2:52 pm
GMTA! I recently envisioned a monocle! But in bone marrow.
Sigh.
March 22, 2012 at 1:49 pm
I just searched for “placenta” on etsy. Why would I do that to myself? Thankfully, this was pretty much the worst thing listed, so I don’t have to go cry now.
March 22, 2012 at 2:01 pm
It is strange the things that posts like this drive us to do.
March 22, 2012 at 1:50 pm
It very closely resembles the ear crud I have to look at under a microscope when I’m checking a cat for ear mites. Another great jewelry idea!
March 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm
The most disgusting thing is its price. You’re looking at about $25 in materials and 10 minutes of work.
March 22, 2012 at 1:57 pm
Yeah, the mother does the work of making the placenta for nine months, and yet she has to pay for this? The crafter should be paying her.
Oh, disturbing thought: where did she get the placenta for the sample necklaces? Is it hers? Did someone donate to her for free? Did she go Dumpster diving behind the local birthing center?
March 22, 2012 at 2:25 pm
“Crasins” were used to make the sample!
March 22, 2012 at 4:16 pm
Awesome. I’m not eating any more of those anytime soon.
March 22, 2012 at 1:58 pm
Some part of the price is dedicated to getting this person psychological help. And don’t forget the Dehydrated Placenta Handling Fee.
March 22, 2012 at 1:58 pm
Somewhere in my head is a joke about ‘parts and labor’ but I’m too tired to join the dots.
March 22, 2012 at 7:07 pm
What I found most disgusting was that she’s put a cheap-ass BOX CHAIN on a pendant she’s charging $150 for.
But then I read further. Chains are sold separately. YOU DON’T EVEN GET A FUCKING $6 CHAIN.
March 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm
What to do with your placenta if you’re not eating it. (Really, I once came across a story of vegan new age earth mothers eating placenta stew.)
And I have to join the chorus of wondering if this is even legal. This is up there with the trade in “chickenpox pops” where a kid with chickenpox would lick a lollipop, then the parent would sell it via mail order to other parents who want their kids exposed and/or fear vaccinations, and they weren’t shipped as biohazards (what if a postal worker handled them and wasn’t immune?). I think the authorities stomped down on that, rightfully.
March 22, 2012 at 11:40 pm
I read STFUParents quite often. Not only have I heard of placenta eating before, I have heard of variations: raw, cooked, powdered into capsules, BLENDED INTO SMOOTHIES… and the pictures. Oh my holy fuck, have I seen pictures. Yet strangely, this pendant was still enough to turn my stomach.
March 23, 2012 at 12:51 pm
I’m not easy to gross out, but you managed to do it with the smoothies. I think it’s the mind’s eye combination of womb and bananas that did it.
March 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm
I’m holding out for a matching umbilical bracelet.
March 22, 2012 at 2:20 pm
Dude – that was the grossest thing back when I was having my babies – all the women on Fertility Friend were discussing what to do with the umbilical stump when it fell off, and there I was, screaming “THROW IT THE FUCK OUT YOU FREAKS” at the computer monitor.
Geez, I never thought I would think those were the “good ol’ days” of delivery chat….
March 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm
Maybe really real womyn wear this!
March 22, 2012 at 2:51 pm
You misspelled wombyn.
March 22, 2012 at 2:00 pm
What worries me is that the spoon or whatever the hell it is looks like a sommelier’s tastevin … Some day, some wine snob will pick this up at a gar[b]age sale and wonder what vintage the residue is.
March 22, 2012 at 2:06 pm
This person does know that handling other people’s medical waste could be a safety risk for her and her children, right?
Also..we need t-shirts that say “Placentas are Magik!!”
Because obviously these new age hippie mombies are utterly convinced of this.
March 22, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Write that on them with menstrual blood, and you can sell them on Etsy.
March 22, 2012 at 2:08 pm
If this exists then having your placenta bronzed as a keepsake can’t be far from becoming a reality.
March 22, 2012 at 3:34 pm
Not a placenta, but close enough:
http://www.bronzingstudio.com.au/index.php/2011/10/gold-plated-umbilical-cord/
March 22, 2012 at 4:16 pm
Oh my fucking god. Skip the baby booties, let’s get hardcore!
March 22, 2012 at 4:18 pm
Just when I think it can’t get any worse.
March 22, 2012 at 2:08 pm
This looks less like a keepsake for an important event in a mother’s life and more like the kind of jewelry Pyramid Head would give his wife.
March 22, 2012 at 2:08 pm
I do not ever want any small bits of my own dehydrated ANYTHING placed inside jewelry quality resin, for ANY REASON!
How do you explain that to your child?
“What’s that mommy?”
“Well my sweet child born a natural birth in a daisy field, it is dried up bits of what kept you alive and cleaned up your shit while you were inside of me for 9 glorious months.”
“I hate you, Mommy.”
March 22, 2012 at 5:03 pm
You know that the woman who buys this will insist on passing it down to the youngster in question.
March 22, 2012 at 2:09 pm
I just have to say this – I want one. I want one from someone else’s placenta simply to wear when I have to go out with the new-age hippie moms I don’t like so that they never invite me again. Much like how I want a necklace made of human teeth to make all the goth kids feel less badass when they meet me in the mall.
I think I have a disorder. Or, it could just be that I’ve been drinking pretty hard for about 3 hours now.
March 23, 2012 at 6:38 am
I have a bag of extremely realistic ceramic teeth (made to go into dentures). I bought them decades ago with the idea of making them into a necklace, but have never got round to figuring out how to do this.
March 22, 2012 at 2:12 pm
There are plenty of decent things to do with one: bank it, donate it, encapsulate it, plant a tree over it. This…is just weird!
March 22, 2012 at 8:44 pm
I’m glad I’m not the only one who isn’t 100% turned off by placenta, but still thinks this is garbage.
Placenta’s all right with me- keeps a baby alive, full of vitamins, funny sounding word. I get why people do the things you mentioned (bank it, donate it, encapsulate it, or plant it), but placenta related art makes me gag. Placenta’s kind of cool, but in no way pretty.
My poor husband was a little traumatized when he saw me deliver the placenta- and he’s had a job at a hospital helping patients with their bodily functions and currently draws blood for a living. So, not squeamish.
March 22, 2012 at 2:12 pm
I must not be much of a womyn, or however the hell the unshorn placenta-eating feminist types spell it… because I find this fucking DISGUSTING. Maybe my perspective will change if I have a kid. I’ve got nieces and nephews that are my WORLD, and I love them to bits (pardon the pun)…. I can’t fathom having a kid that I’ll love even MORE than this, and wanting to keep part of the placenta… But I digress – that’s just me.
March 22, 2012 at 2:17 pm
No. It’s not just you. I’ve given birth twice. I saw my placenta…oh wait..I didn’t.
I’ve seen more placentas on Regretsy than I have after my own labor.
Placentas are medical waste and should be treated as such.
March 22, 2012 at 4:11 pm
I wish people would leave feminism out of their pseudo-shamanistic bullshit. I would consider myself a feminist, but I can’t say so in public between the wombyn-power dipshits and the anti-stay-at-home-mom wingnuts.
March 22, 2012 at 2:13 pm
I think somebody is actually cloning an army.
March 22, 2012 at 2:18 pm
now if only she offered foreskin jewelry I could commemorate my sons circumcision too! – dehydrated foreskin of course! that would be one helluva charm bracelet! resinated placenta, umbilical cord and foreskin!… i must get crafting now
March 22, 2012 at 2:44 pm
Yeah, but if everyone started doing this with the foreskin from their kids circumcision, Olive Garden wouldn’t be able to serve their “calamari” anymore…
March 22, 2012 at 6:03 pm
*strikes Olive Garden off her list of potential restaurants*
March 22, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Listen lady, I’m not interested in anything involved with wearing placenta, but if you have any good “buffalo style” recipes, I’m willing to pay top dollar.
March 22, 2012 at 2:24 pm
I wonder if they’ll do my polyp for me?
March 22, 2012 at 2:32 pm
Since it seems all the politicians are interested in what’s happening with my lady business, maybe they would like to have placenta jewelry for their own memories.
March 22, 2012 at 2:57 pm
But ONLY from married mothers, because we all know that single mothers give birth to criminals. (Interesting that Sarah Palin didn’t speak up on that one, she being the mother of a single mother…oh, wait.)
March 22, 2012 at 2:33 pm
Not even close to the most disturbing thing she sells:
http://www.wisebirthservices.com/palchemy.php
March 22, 2012 at 3:05 pm
o.O This woman is a certified wack-a-doodle.
March 22, 2012 at 3:20 pm
How can that be safe to drink? Is the idea that the alcohol kills off anything that would form from the placenta decomposing?
March 22, 2012 at 4:55 pm
And I thought the pendant was bad…
March 22, 2012 at 6:05 pm
oh dear gods and fluffy kittens … blargh
March 22, 2012 at 6:25 pm
How is that legal?! How?! You know, if politicians really want to make laws relating to reproduction, how about we ban this sort of thing?
March 22, 2012 at 6:48 pm
oh yes.. tequila is wonderfully beneficial for babies… BABIES… *face palms*
March 23, 2012 at 2:21 pm
Hey, this sounds like the old granny remedy for helping your baby with teething pain: use your finger to rub some gin on their gums!
March 22, 2012 at 2:38 pm
“Wow, that’s such an interesting looking pendant! Did you make it?”
“Nope, I had it custom made! It’s bits of my dried-up placenta! It’s full of wombynly wonder!”
“…”
March 22, 2012 at 2:39 pm
I thought the keepsake from the birth was the kid itself. You have a cute screaming kid to take home. Is the crusty necklace to keep you from forgetting you have a child?
March 22, 2012 at 4:47 pm
I think they frown on you freeze-drying the kid and encasing it in resin :-/
March 22, 2012 at 2:39 pm
it looks like something used to retrieve a poo sample
shudder
March 23, 2012 at 12:00 am
Eyup. I’ve had an intestinal flu for three days. “Placenta” was not what I first saw in that picture. Strangely, it was a relief; as much as I don’t understand who would want to wear a pendant of preserved blood clots, I would understand wanting to commemorate an explosive fart even less. Bits of placenta became the saner option, and that only seems to underline that there is something very, very wrong here.
March 22, 2012 at 2:40 pm
This looks like my sanitary pads when I get my quarterly “no you’re not in menopause yet” visits from Aunt Floe.
And I had about the same reaction to this as I do to that: KILL IT WITH FIRE
March 22, 2012 at 2:42 pm
If you forgot to save out some placenta when you buried yours in the backyard and planted an herb garden on top of it, just sent in some Bacon Bits, nobody will know the difference.
March 22, 2012 at 2:45 pm
Ha! You know when I went to those hospital run birthing classes before my first pregnancy, pretty much the first thing they tell you is “Don’t bother asking, you can’t take the placenta home!” So I guess anyone who wants theirs immortalized in a disgusting jewelry piece needs to start planning how to sneak it home.
March 22, 2012 at 2:56 pm
Really? The doula teaching my class claimed we could have ours. Then again, though, she was insane. Told me to bark like a dog while in labor and ruined Life Savers for me forever. Made us all suck on them for a while and then exclaimed ‘YEAH WHAT’S HAPPENING WITH THE CANDY? THE HOLE IS GETTING BIGGER, RIGHT?! AND IT’S GETTING THIN?! LIKE A CERVIX?!1!!1′
Needless to say I ended up going the online route for the remainder of the class.
March 22, 2012 at 3:13 pm
Hmm.. maybe it’s a regional thing. Too bad I couldn’t of had your instructor. I think a little genuine craziness would have kept my husband from falling asleep during the class. Ha!
March 22, 2012 at 2:48 pm
I’m due in two weeks and I’ve never, ever wanted to keep my placenta. Hell, I saw it on an ultrasound last week and even in the form of a grainy, black-and-white image I found it repulsive. Glad it does its shit for my kid but uh, yeah. No need for jewelry. Or smoothies. Or whatever else the crazies do with them these days.
March 22, 2012 at 3:00 pm
Oh dear. Don’t google placenta earrings. You’ll wind up in a place that provides recipes if you’d like to eat yours.
Stew, Lasagne [their spelling], and pizza.
With pictures.
After I am done vomiting, I plan to drink. A lot.
March 23, 2012 at 6:41 am
Lasagne is the Italian spelling, and is also the correct spelling in the UK.
Why the Americans decided to change the last letter to A is anybody’s guess.
March 22, 2012 at 3:00 pm
Clearly, she has not researched the current trends popular with Etsy shoppers.
There, I fixed it for her.
March 22, 2012 at 3:08 pm
This should be tagged as steampunk.
March 23, 2012 at 1:31 pm
I love you
March 22, 2012 at 3:04 pm
I wonder if I shipped her enough of my toenail clippings if she could make me a pendant with a lovely snowflake design, or better yet, she could spell out “Just Breath” with them.
March 22, 2012 at 3:04 pm
I haven’t been this excited since the opening of the new Breast Milk Ice-Cream Parlour! (“Two scoops, please! And don’t forget the cherry areolas!”)
(Sigh) If only it was a candy placenta necklace…
March 22, 2012 at 3:04 pm
Ewwww! That photo actually made me gag. What is wrong with people?
This disturbs me as both a jewelry maker and a human being.
March 22, 2012 at 3:25 pm
If I don’t have my own placenta, can I use some of yours?
Or is there a communal supply? A placenta pool, if you will? Take a placenta, leave a placenta?
March 22, 2012 at 3:36 pm
The people who sell worn panties are 97% less gross than this.
March 22, 2012 at 3:42 pm
Al Franken was truly ahead of his time.
http://carnalnation.com/content/11492/10/tasty-tasty-placenta
(I don’t know if the actual script is online anywhere, but an SNL book I had had it.)
March 22, 2012 at 5:00 pm
SNL is always ahead of its time. Anyone remember in the early seasons the faux ad for a 3 bladed razor? “Because you’ll believe anything.”
March 22, 2012 at 5:39 pm
That was when I was taking an advertising course. The teacher hadn’t watched the show, but appreciated the joke…now you can buy 4-bladed razors.
Life imitates art.
March 22, 2012 at 6:09 pm
Six. There are six-bladed ones now *sigh*
March 23, 2012 at 7:59 am
I was going to ask if there weren’t 5-bladed razors, but didn’t, because I was sure that was a crazy thought that couldn’t possibly be reality. Five? Psh! Then I read your post.
*sighs with Ravyncrow*
March 22, 2012 at 6:08 pm
YES!!! I remember being half sloshed, passed out and woke up to that commercial … that was my introduction to SNL. And the “That’s why they call it dope” commercials … fun times.
March 22, 2012 at 3:44 pm
If it doesn’t come with a meconium brooch, I’m not interested.
March 22, 2012 at 3:53 pm
Every day I come to Regretsy, and I read, and I consider posting a response.
Then I decide, every day, that my response will simply be: No. No no no no no no. Why. No.
So then I just carry on and don’t bother. But today, I can’t hold it in.
NO NO NO NO NO. Why. WHY?! No.
March 22, 2012 at 3:59 pm
Saw this recipe on Etsy’s front page and thought, Holy Cheesuz, placenta is everywhere!
Then I reread and realized it was pancetta. Whew!
http://www.etsy.com/blog/en/2012/asparagus-spring-onion-and-pancetta-frittata/?ref=fp_blog_title
March 23, 2012 at 12:06 am
I often confuse “placenta” and “polenta”. I’m still never 100% sure which one it is I should be running away from when I see the plastic chubs in the grocery, so I just avoid them both.
March 22, 2012 at 4:05 pm
I’d like to see if she’ll make me a necklace from the dehydrated menstrual blood which commemorates the happy day I found out I was just a few days late and NOT pregnant. And that was truly a beautiful day, cramps and all.
March 22, 2012 at 4:23 pm
I’ve had one of those days, too, and it was the Best. Day. Ever.
I got to keep my waistline and my disposable income as a keepsake.
March 22, 2012 at 4:11 pm
*twitch* scuse me i…just eh!?
March 22, 2012 at 4:54 pm
Mmmmm, I could wear that while cuddling with my placenta teddy bear.
March 22, 2012 at 5:04 pm
I know someone’s already said it, but honestly, what the fuck is wrong with people?
March 23, 2012 at 4:19 am
Seriously, right? Everyone knows this should be a lamp shade!
March 23, 2012 at 1:32 pm
Or a mask…but first it has to put the lotion on its skin
March 22, 2012 at 5:06 pm
What the what???
March 22, 2012 at 5:40 pm
New here? This was either featured or linked a few months ago.
The nightmares continue, unabated.
March 22, 2012 at 9:50 pm
New here. And so I missed… whatever… this
is… the first time around.
I’ll be in the corner, rocking and drinking.
March 23, 2012 at 8:02 am
When you’ve recovered, pour yourself a tall drink, put the bottle close at hand, and hit the Archives.
And you might want to furnish that corner with comfy pillows. You’ll be spending a lot of time there. Trust me.
March 22, 2012 at 8:47 pm
Omg! I’m shivering with grossness!
March 22, 2012 at 5:00 pm
Not sure that I want to wear bodily fluids excreted from my vagina around my neck offset with silver… what would it go with?
March 22, 2012 at 5:05 pm
I’ve never become physically ill from reading Regretsy before, but this has actually done it. Thank you, brainless Etsy shop owner, for surpassing the levels of sanity and decency and making me taste my lunch for the second time today.
March 22, 2012 at 5:05 pm
The tags “garbage” and “vaginas” can be quite synonymous, especially now when it involves things that come out of the latter.
And I was going to go to have tacos at the bar tonight. Damnit Regretsy, just… damnit.
March 22, 2012 at 6:10 pm
Of everything ever posted on Regretsy, nothing has brought me so close to vomiting as this item. *claps* A new milestone, in my opinion.
March 22, 2012 at 6:59 pm
Really? Not even the chicken skin mask? Not the joggers? Especially that one guy with the . . . oh, shit, I can’t even talk about it yet. *shudder*
March 22, 2012 at 6:15 pm
Question: What if you’re one of those women who accidentally shit on the table while pushing? Could they get a half and half necklace? Would want to commemorate the entire experience, after all.
March 22, 2012 at 6:17 pm
I had two teeth pulled a couple of weeks ago. Now I’m flagellating myself for not asking for those teeth so I could make jewelry from them. After all, those teeth had been with me for 40-something years, so it’s only right that some memorial be constructed for them. But it’s over now. The opportunity has passed.
I’m depressed now. *sniff*
March 22, 2012 at 6:18 pm
Every time I see a placenta craft, I just imagine someone getting pregnant for the sole purpose of crafting something horrible.
No idea what they do with the babies, though.
March 22, 2012 at 6:29 pm
OK, people, whatever the fuck you do, DO NOT search “dehydrated placenta” in image mode. People LOOOOOOOOOVE to post close-up photos of actual placentas being prepared for consumption in various ways.
How do you get dehydrated placenta? Why, you use your handy-dandy Ronco home dehydrator and follow your favorite jerky recipe! Your obstetrics team will be more than happy to wrap your placenta in plastic and refrigerate it for you until you’re ready to take it home. (Sure they will…)
And that’s as much as I’m going to say on an empty stomach. Or a full one. Or even one with a sip of gin and a Vicodin…POEM! POEM! POEM! {distracts self}
March 23, 2012 at 8:07 am
Ah, Ronco. God, how I miss those products. They had a whole section of Woolworth’s to themselves. My favorite was the in-egg scrambler, saving housewives TENS OF SECONDS of time from cracking open the egg into a bowl and whisking it with a fork (forking it?) and then pouring it into a pan. It was offered in an electric or battery-powered model, for those road trips when you wanted to cook eggs on your manifold, but didn’t have the room for a whisk, so you packed this blender-sized contraption.
Ronco…good times…oh, but don’t get me started on K-Tel records, or we’ll be here all day!
March 24, 2012 at 12:23 am
Ronco isn’t gone.
https://www.ronco.com
March 22, 2012 at 6:47 pm
Ewwwwwwwwww!
The only keepsake Mom kept of my birth were the baby clothes she really liked.
What scares me more than people willing to MAKE this stuff is that there’s people willing to BUY it.
March 22, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Fun medical waste story: back when I was an undergrad, one summer day the campus police locked down all the dorms and searched everyone’s room, taking an especially close look at all the wastebaskets and garbage bins before they finally let us move freely around campus again. Seemed bizarre, but then we found out they were looking for a dumped baby, having discovered a partially buried placenta on the grounds of our scenic New England campus.
Turns out, a yuppie couple from town decided to bury their new baby’s placenta under a tree on said scenic campus, during a full moon, for new-age white people reasons. Only they didn’t bury it very deep, and raccoons dug it up and gnawed on it a bit before police found it. The cops decided not to press charges after the mortified couple came forward during the hunt-for-a-discarded-newborn fun times.
March 22, 2012 at 6:58 pm
And does this come with the matching placenta crafted mattress?
March 22, 2012 at 7:02 pm
you know what i want to say to any woman who buys one of these, or preserves their placenta or makes any type of etsy craft out of a placenta?
GET OVER IT. You had a baby! Whoopy doo!
March 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm
dude. Having a baby is a big deal, but I have to totally agree here. Saving placenta isn’t an important memory. it’s fucking gross.
My mother in law saved my husband’s cord stump and she thinks I’m loony for not saving them from my kids. Uh, it’s disgusting. I’ll save a doll or a shirt or something that isn’t tissue from my uterus, thanks.
March 22, 2012 at 7:16 pm
Wow. It looks like someone sharted into a small silver bowl. There’s gotta be a “hot shit on a silver platter” joke in here somewhere…
March 22, 2012 at 7:20 pm
Fuck, last time I eat while reading Regretsy
March 22, 2012 at 8:02 pm
Every hair on my neck is standing and screaming… EEWWWWW!
March 22, 2012 at 8:06 pm
Who the hell has the time or energy to dehydrate a placenta when you’re caring for a newborn???
March 22, 2012 at 10:35 pm
Oh,I can see an infommercial for the Ronco dehydrator in that question.
“Dehydrate your placenta, while keeping your time free for baby! Just set it and forget it!”
*shudders*
March 23, 2012 at 9:35 am
This could be far more disgusting. What if it wasn’t encased in resin? What if it wasn’t dehydrated? Picture a cheap metal chain with bits of decomposing placenta threaded onto it like beads. All the way around your neck.
March 23, 2012 at 10:53 am
I really don’t understand the whole placenta obsession. It’s for your baby. When your baby no longer needs it(right after birth)your body gets rid of it. Your body doesn’t even want that thing. There are so many other ways to remember your baby’s birth, why go for the most unsanitary one?
March 24, 2012 at 8:45 am
I wonder what she would charge if I wanted the entire placenta encased in resin on a spatula?
March 24, 2012 at 11:10 am
A navel bar or ring would be better.