259 comments on 10 Things I Can’t Believe Someone Bought
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March 22, 2012 at 10:15 am
That molding looks moldy all right.
March 22, 2012 at 10:31 am
Mold is so yummy though! Especially in layers.
March 22, 2012 at 8:02 pm
It’s lovely!
March 22, 2012 at 10:16 am
I am very concerned about the ‘yummy layers of chippy paint’ Delicious but deadly!
March 22, 2012 at 10:19 am
I was concerned too. Perhaps it’s lead based paint – that would account for why they are selling it? (And maybe why someone bought it?)
March 22, 2012 at 11:22 am
And why it’s delicious. Lead paint is sweet as pie!
March 22, 2012 at 11:23 am
Seriously, it is, that’s why little kids will chow down on it.
March 22, 2012 at 4:19 pm
It’s what I’m bringing to the next Etsy potluck.
Shhhh! Don’t spoil the yummy surprise!
March 22, 2012 at 10:19 am
Yeah, that part got me too. It explains why they listed a piece of old molding though. They are bat shit insane from eating lead paint chips. The buyer lives under high tension power lines.
March 22, 2012 at 10:22 am
Sounds like something out of My Strange Addiction.
March 22, 2012 at 6:10 pm
Pretty sure she’s been sampling those ‘yummy layers’ herself..
March 22, 2012 at 10:16 am
Well, you can’t expect people to buy your industrial safety pin if it comes from a smoking household. It could be ruined.
March 22, 2012 at 10:43 am
Yes; this way you know it’s in perfect health. Except, of course, if it came from a polluting industry.
March 22, 2012 at 5:01 pm
I did not buy anything from this list. BUT…
When I was a kid, my dad had a habit of sitting around the house on weekends in his underwear. He wore boxers. He often did not wear a robe.
So, one Christmas, I found a big, gold-colored safety pin and gave that to him as a gift. He actually used it…or so I hear, because after that, my mom made him ALWAYS wear a robe over his boxers around us kids.
March 22, 2012 at 10:17 am
I’m glad there are no prices listed. If we don’t know, I can assume they cost next to nothing, since that’s what they are worth.
March 22, 2012 at 10:32 am
But I’m actually curious; some of this I can stretch my mind to someone buying, but that light….. WTF?????
March 22, 2012 at 12:47 pm
Relax! Dick Clark bought it!
March 22, 2012 at 7:52 pm
It reminds me of something a Gooey Louie fan would buy. They picked a winner if that is the case.
March 22, 2012 at 4:48 pm
That’s the thing, I am not really surprised that any of these items sold (well, except for the chunk of moulding) because I’ve seen people buy a lot of weird and/or useless shit if it’s cheap enough. However, because it’s Etsy, I guarantee you they sold for a hell of a lot more than you’d think.
March 22, 2012 at 10:17 am
Carrot Nose Warmer goes with absolutely everything in my closet. I can’t think of a single place that would be WRONG to wear Carrot Nose Warmer. I can’t believe I missed this opportunity to go about in “Snowman Chic”.
March 22, 2012 at 10:21 am
The only place I can think of where it might be problematic is in close proximity to horses, could be painful.
March 22, 2012 at 5:14 pm
When I was a kid, I once got nibbled at by a pony for wearing a t-shirt with apples and grapes on it. Must have been a bad case of the munchies, though: The print was already pretty faded. Or, in Etsian, “vintage”. So on the other hand, maybe the pony was just trying to upcycle…
March 22, 2012 at 10:40 am
It sort of reminded me of the ‘nose’ they put on the witch in “Holy Grail.”
March 22, 2012 at 11:09 am
That was my first thought, but when it’s listed as a nose warmer, I doubt that was the intent. Even a blind hog finds an acorn sometimes, as they say here in the South.
March 24, 2012 at 12:21 am
She turned me into a newt!
….I got better…
March 22, 2012 at 11:26 am
I’m wondering if this person actually got the wrong body part here. I think it would be much better suited somewhere else
March 22, 2012 at 11:26 am
I’m wondering if this person actually got the wrong body part here. I think it would be much better suited somewhere else
March 22, 2012 at 1:10 pm
Wing wang warmer? Too big for a stuffed squirrel though.
March 22, 2012 at 10:17 am
I hate to admit it – the egg hats are cute
That lamp is frightening. The “Cave Like Atmosphere” from the stalagsnots probably refers to the cavernous nostrils those bulbs got yanked from. Healthcare – ur doing it rong
March 22, 2012 at 10:20 am
Yeah, I got to the egg hat and thought “actually, I sort of love those.” But I like tiny things in general, so they appeal to me.
March 22, 2012 at 11:41 am
http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-woman-only-enjoys-miniature-versions-of-thing,2665/
March 22, 2012 at 12:24 pm
I, too, like miniature versions of things. That imaginary lady and I should start a club.
March 22, 2012 at 10:22 am
although, for $9.00 + $6.00 shipping, my eggs can remain hatless.
March 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm
You can make them!!
http://etsyrussianteam.blogspot.ca/2011/04/easter-felted-egg-cozies-by-yanart.html
I don’t know how to felt and this tutorial probably isn’t enough… but I really want to learn how so I can make things like this
March 22, 2012 at 3:48 pm
…And another fabulous way to display your air plants!
March 22, 2012 at 8:19 pm
That was my thought – I love them, but I don’t $15 love them.
I shall work on my felting skills, and then Gandalf the Easter Egg will be mine!
March 22, 2012 at 10:37 am
I agree, I like the egg hats!
And the septum stache is a great idea!
March 22, 2012 at 11:31 am
I sort of think with the 500 disclaimers about the septum stache NOT being defective and if you break it it’s YOUR fault that the second you tried to talk with it in the sides would snap off.
Plus it’s ugly.
March 22, 2012 at 12:21 pm
True, but then again, if you try to wear a polymer clay septum stache as an everyday piece of jewelry, joke’s on you, I suppose.
Then again using the right type of polymer clay makes it less likely to break. Chances are, there are disclaimers everywhere because only the cheapest clay is being used and someone complained.
March 22, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Then again, I just looked at the actual listing. “Not for mucous membranes”? What do you think your inner nostril is?
March 22, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Yah the seller seems a bit touchy on the subject.
Hey that reminds me of a joke: “How do you break an Etsy Admin’s finger? You punch them in the nose!”
March 22, 2012 at 5:06 pm
I’d kick ‘em in the crotch, but that’s just me.
March 22, 2012 at 11:58 am
One of my friends has a metal septum stash, that’s not green, not likely to break, and is the gauge it was sold as.
This really looks like some sort of weird clay to me, and clay in piercings freaks me out.
March 22, 2012 at 3:14 pm
Seriously, of all the colors that you could choose for a septum stache, why would go with green?!?
“Forget decongestants and tissues when you have a nasty cold, just groom your snot and soon you’ll be sporting a snappy stache!”
Bleck
March 22, 2012 at 3:15 pm
^you – as in, Why would YOU go with green?!?
Argh.
March 23, 2012 at 11:50 am
My thoughts exactly!
LMAO @ Hostilebear and Menopaws!
March 23, 2012 at 11:58 am
APOLOGIES! POSTmenopaws.
March 24, 2012 at 2:58 am
So, so this…
My first thought was it looked like a booger octopus was trying to escape her nose.
March 22, 2012 at 11:53 am
I think the lamp looks like a female reproductive system, but thanks to Etsy, all the lamps do. Yes, I am aware it needs a vagina, but I’m already at a site that supplies oh so many kinds, so that vagina thing is covered.
March 22, 2012 at 2:31 pm
The vagina lampshade costs extra.
March 22, 2012 at 5:48 pm
Ok, as long as it matches the curtains.
March 22, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Actually I’d buy those egg hats if I wanted my kid to have extra clothings for her dolls and whatnot, not to dress up my food.
The lamp looks like someone upcycled an old container full of caramel. Where would you put that thing anyway? The Batcave?
March 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm
When you have the time to start wondering if you should buy hats for your eggs, your life is either really good or really bad.
March 22, 2012 at 3:50 pm
Hmmm… 22 million egg cozies can’t be all wrong, can they?
Except I suppose the main characteristic of a cozy is that it COVERS the egg, not just decorates it.
What the hey, why not just buy some, upcycle them with glitter glue, and resell them at twice the price?
March 22, 2012 at 3:31 pm
I like the egg hat because it’d be perfect for torturing my cats/CUTE PIX
March 22, 2012 at 5:10 pm
You might want to reconsider that idea. Remember: Your cat knows where you sleep and that you walk around barefoot in the dark.
Save yourself a lot of grief and needing to wipe gunk off your feet.
You’re welcome.
March 22, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Hah, he is subdued. I have the photographic evidence and miniature hats to prove it.
March 22, 2012 at 6:51 pm
Might explain why he keeps biting me though…
March 22, 2012 at 8:24 pm
My first response to your comment was “Naw, that’s too small for a cat”.
My thoughts should have stopped there. My ferrets may have a bone to pick with you.
March 23, 2012 at 7:48 am
Ferrets would really look—I can’t help it—TOTES ADORBS with those hats.
March 24, 2012 at 12:22 am
Please take pics! I love ferrets!
March 22, 2012 at 10:18 am
“yummy” layers of chippy paint?? what???
March 22, 2012 at 10:23 am
I think that was a typo, they meant ‘creamy’ or ‘lovely’ or ‘super cute’
March 22, 2012 at 10:24 am
sadly the adjective “yummy” is misused in annoying ways on etsy a lot
March 22, 2012 at 10:25 am
Yummy lead paint, random abandoned refrigerators strewn about, begging children to get trapped inside, toys made out of industrial grade steel with sharp edges, car seat – what’s a car seat?!?, chemistry sets, machines for kids into which you pour molten plastic and heat up to 800 degrees to make little boats and cars, asphalt under the jungle jims in the schoolyard…
God I miss my childhood
March 22, 2012 at 10:49 am
Smells like my childhood as well!
Esp. the molten plastic molds… the gateway craft projects.
March 23, 2012 at 11:54 am
Good Lord! I’m surprised you SURVIVED your childhood long enough to miss it!
March 25, 2012 at 9:47 am
They still sell E-Z Bake Ovens, you know.
They just keep making the structure more and more ridiculous to try and keep little fingers out of the, you know, actual oven.
March 25, 2012 at 9:48 am
My bad, it’s spelled Easy-Bake!
March 22, 2012 at 10:18 am
Am I the only person who wondered how the shirt felt about having dream catchers “fixed into the backside”? Cuz really, if she did it without asking or without lube…that’s just RUDE. SHIRTS HAVE FEELINGS TOO, MAN!
March 22, 2012 at 10:18 am
To be fair, I’d buy a carrot-shaped nosewarmer. And wear it, too.
March 22, 2012 at 10:19 am
I respect you for this.
March 22, 2012 at 3:27 pm
I would.
But not on my nose.
March 22, 2012 at 10:18 am
Re: Moustache septum jewellery
As someone with a sizable septum piercing, I am sad to say that these things are kind of popular. I am horrified that people actually think this is an acceptable thing to put in their faces.
March 22, 2012 at 10:23 am
I think it’s the colour that ruins that one. Looks like stylised bogies.
March 22, 2012 at 10:48 am
Exactly, does it have to be green?
Although I can’t think of a good colour for it.
March 22, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Pink, if it were tentacles instead of some weird alien catfish whiskers.
March 22, 2012 at 1:19 pm
Nooo brass “steampunk” octopus tentacles… or maybe purple
March 22, 2012 at 5:11 pm
Yes, tentacles! I would wear tentacles coming out my nose.
Except for the fact that I pass out if I get a pimple in there…
Maybe clip-ons. {lunges for Sculpey}
March 23, 2012 at 12:00 pm
Phew! For a second there, I thought you said “pink testicles”! Now THAT would be funny and combined with the carrot nosewarmer….heehee!
March 22, 2012 at 11:07 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 22, 2012 at 11:53 am
http://winningateverything.com/files/2012/03/WA_NOBODY.jpg
March 22, 2012 at 5:13 pm
Serious question: Why do you care what someone else does with their body?
March 22, 2012 at 11:51 am
I’m more horrified thinking about what the mustache might be made of.
I mean, I’m no expert, but cramming Sculpy or some shit up one’s piercing holes seems like kind of a stupid idea.
March 22, 2012 at 12:29 pm
Hey, if two-year-olds do it, it must be fun!
March 22, 2012 at 5:09 pm
Maybe it’s like the grown-up version of kids shoving shit up their noses (or other bodily orifices).
March 22, 2012 at 5:18 pm
The only things I’ve pierced are my ears (four times), but wouldn’t it be a lot safer to afix the “mustache” bits to a genuine, hygeinic surgical steel barbell or something? I certainly wouldn’t stick a Sculpey post through one of my earlobes.
March 22, 2012 at 10:18 am
I can’t believe that skull isn’t on your headboard, HK.
March 22, 2012 at 5:19 pm
I was thinking it would make a yummysupercute toothbrush-holder in the bathroom.
March 22, 2012 at 10:18 am
The jizz dripping light bulb and the fetish hello kitty bra are what concern me. Just reminds me of really bad porn.
March 22, 2012 at 10:20 am
Doncha mean really good porn?
March 22, 2012 at 11:18 am
That light bulb piece of junk makes me think of when you have sex and then he kinda just tosses the condom in the vicinity of the trash can afterwards, and then you’re cleaning three months later and you find it stuck to the baseboard.
March 22, 2012 at 11:27 am
WHAT??
March 22, 2012 at 1:21 pm
You know… my day is now better. I know I’m not the only one that finds old condoms when cleaning up the disaster that is my room.
Thanks Regretsy fans for making my life less sad! I’m so glad I get to hang out with all your fat jealous losers!
March 24, 2012 at 12:25 am
One time I had movers in my bedroom moving a dresser and guess what!!?!?! there was a used condom underneath it!!! YAY I have never been so mortified in all my life
March 22, 2012 at 11:21 am
First thing I thought was “Someone REALLY likes light bulbs.”
March 22, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Or someone with a big nose and a bad cold had a big sneeze. Like a bull. Wearing a mustache septum ring.
March 22, 2012 at 11:31 am
Man o man I could never fire a shot that far in the air. Well unless I was hanging from said chandelier I call fake.
March 22, 2012 at 10:19 am
A few random thoughts:
-Even though both the carrot nose and safety claim to be from smoke free homes, I’m assuming they’re only talking about cigarettes.
-I had no idea septum jewelery existed; taint accessories cannot be far behind.
-Hello Titty!
-Dreamcatcher or exit wound?
March 22, 2012 at 10:38 am
You should see what some people do to their bodies! There are people with taint piercings, along with bars thru their penis, biforcated tongues, metal objects shoved under the skin, and I saw a picture of a couple with holes in their chins just under their lower lips (they probably usually had disks in them), and they were touching tongues thru them… *shudder*
March 22, 2012 at 1:25 pm
I googled taint piercing and I think the uvula piercings that came up are way worse. I have allergies and when my uvula ends up inflammed it’s awful, always feeling like you have to swallow ….
This one is seriously infected, and his tongue is bad, bad, bad…I was going to put it up here but maybe I’ll leave the choice to click it up to you:
http://www.zentastic.com/iamimport/2006/06/martys-rejecting-uvula-piercing-1.jpg
March 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Ugh, why would you even do that? When anything gets to there you’re probably gagging anyways, and that would make sore throats a nightmare. Not to mention no one will see it! And why TWO?! I see plenty of good cheek, lip and tongue space available if they are that desperate for piercings.
March 22, 2012 at 9:01 pm
I can’t stand the feeling of having a hair wrapped around my uvula (yeah, from doing what you’d think I’d be doing to get a hair in my mouth) so the idea of a piercing there is really gross to me.
March 22, 2012 at 3:27 pm
Man, people will pierce any old shit these days, won’t they?
March 22, 2012 at 5:28 pm
If someone’s going to pierce their shit, I would recommend using something cheap and crumbly that won’t clog the plumbing.
Maybe…an off-brand polymer clay mustache, or something…
March 24, 2012 at 12:26 am
oh my god. vomit.
I want to see a picture of the day the chunk of flesh and piercing fell out.
March 24, 2012 at 12:27 am
seriously someone get this guy some antibiotics.
March 22, 2012 at 10:48 am
“Hello Titty!”
Loving it!
March 22, 2012 at 11:23 am
Also, I am SO glad that the industrial safety pin is from a smoke-free home. I hate it when my industrial safety pins smell like smoke, even if they are vintage.
March 22, 2012 at 12:26 pm
How do you feel about vintage smoke?
March 22, 2012 at 12:46 pm
Uh… I don’t mind any smell, vintage or otherwise, as long as you can increase the size of it?
March 23, 2012 at 3:08 pm
Monkey33, you know what happens when you assume, right? You end up being totally fucking correct, that’s what.
March 22, 2012 at 10:22 am
I want felted hats for my eggs! There are probably a few in my refrigerator who want to stand out in the crowd of matching white shells.
March 22, 2012 at 3:13 pm
My eggs will have to tough it out, and stay hatless, the way eggs were meant to be…hard, bald eggs.
March 22, 2012 at 5:30 pm
My eggs are all wearing Depends.
Oh, CHICKEN eggs. Never mind.
March 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm
Ooooo, that kinda makes me hot.
March 22, 2012 at 8:53 pm
errr…that comment is for what Fluff said, not PMP…
March 24, 2012 at 12:29 am
aww why’d you have to go and clarify
March 22, 2012 at 9:53 pm
So is that Sean Connery-bald hard eggs, or Patrick Stewart-bald hard eggs? Personally, I’d go for the Patrick Stewart variety. Given time, I’m sure I could talk my husband into it…
March 22, 2012 at 10:23 am
SOMEONE *REALLY* LIKES DOUBLE LIGHT SOCKETS.
There. I said it.
March 22, 2012 at 10:23 am
Those egg hat cozies are totally legit. I would buy one if I had, you know, monies.
March 22, 2012 at 10:23 am
Someone really liked lightbulbs.
March 22, 2012 at 10:24 am
likes* damnit!
March 22, 2012 at 10:43 am
Well, since there is so much of it and it’s melty, I think you’re safe with either liked or likes
March 22, 2012 at 10:24 am
I kind of like the carrot nose warmer. You could use it and a decoy duck to help reenact that scene from Monty Python’s Holy Grail.
I weigh the same as a duck!
March 22, 2012 at 10:59 am
GMTA, kayejazz. I thought the same thing!
March 22, 2012 at 11:18 am
Indeed!
March 22, 2012 at 8:06 pm
same here!
March 22, 2012 at 2:23 pm
First thing I thought when I saw it –
“This isn’t my nose, it’s a FALSE one!”
“Well, we did do the nose. aaaand….the hat. But she’s still a witch!”
March 22, 2012 at 10:24 am
I bet I know who bought the carrot nose warmer…
http://theclicker.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/21/10793496-woman-covers-her-body-in-carrot-tattoos-on-my-crazy-obsession
March 22, 2012 at 10:37 am
Hmmm… I’m picking up on some type of Freudian symbolism here… but what?
Hold on, it’ll come to me…
March 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm
If she loves carrots so much, why isn’t her hair orange? Or would that be too matchy-matchy? Wouldn’t want to look crazy, now would we!
March 22, 2012 at 3:31 pm
And what’s with rolling the hair in carrots? That’s a waste of good food and that’s a sin as my mom would have said.
March 22, 2012 at 5:39 pm
Aren’t those carrot-shaped foam rollers?
Anyway, if she rolls her not-orange hair every night, why is it so straight and stringy?
On a side note, I could easily turn into someone like her if I had money. Except my passion-food is lemon. I love lemons. I love their shape, their smell, their texture. I love to eat lemons…which is why I have little enamel left on my teeth and I’m losing them. Plus, I look like hell in yellow. But I loooooooooove lemons…
My Lemon Collection, so far, is comprised of zero lemons.
March 22, 2012 at 10:04 pm
“A vegetarian? Are you gonna marry a carrot?”
March 22, 2012 at 10:26 am
I was going to make fun of the egg hats, but then I noticed there was a pinecone in the picture. Pinecones make everything better.
March 22, 2012 at 3:56 pm
Are pinecones the new barnwood?!!?
March 22, 2012 at 5:06 pm
*checks schedule of trends*
Not until September, after Labor Day, if all goes according to plan. Barnwood is still barnwood until then.
March 22, 2012 at 10:27 am
Something posessed a person to buy a “funky pan”?! I prefer my posessions with pea soup vomit and crusifixes in uncomfortable places. At least it would be less depressing. And cheaper.
March 22, 2012 at 10:41 am
I like the funky pan. I make no apologies. I don’t know if I would pay actual money for it, and I wouldn’t say it’s yummy… But I could see it as some kind of garden planterish thing.
March 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm
I actually bought a pan that looks like that at a garage sale. I paid 50 cents for it. I put it in my herb garden. I planted oregano in it. No, really! It’s oregano! That’s my story, and I’m sticking with it!
(seriously, it’s oregano)
March 22, 2012 at 11:38 am
Reminds me of the bedpan I saw at an antiques mall with a sign that said “chip and dip bowl.”
True story.
March 22, 2012 at 12:52 pm
I believe it’s a chamber pot. the kind that hangs in the chair, not the kind that sits on the floor. So, yeah, the pan is funky.
March 22, 2012 at 10:20 pm
Last summer, in a desperate bid to discover where a horrific cloning factory of no-see-ums were coming from, I found what I think is an oil-changing pan under the deck of the house I rent. Doesn’t look like it was ever used for oil, but it does have a fetching rust hole in the bottom. I was going to use it to cart around mulch and garden soil ’cause hey, free pan, but you know: hole. I should totally add a wire loop and try to sell it as a wall planter. Some hot glued genuine NC mountain oak twigs– perfect.
(the no-see-ums were in fact coming from an empty Rubbermaid tote, left upright under the deck to collect water all spring and generally become a mosquito brothel. God, I hate the people who lived here before me.)
March 22, 2012 at 10:27 am
I can only assume these purchases are the result of some horrible Russian-Roulette style Etsy drinking game where people get really drunk, click on a random listing, and then they have to buy whatever pops up.
March 22, 2012 at 10:52 am
This Now!
March 22, 2012 at 11:00 am
I wish to try this game. (May have to resort to unspeakable deeds in order to pay off the Etsy-drinking debts I incur in the process, though)
March 22, 2012 at 11:20 am
This sounds like a new Club Fuckery game. The person who ends up buying the most ridiculous piece of shit gets a prize from HKApril
March 22, 2012 at 11:36 am
What happens when you land on the $100,000 screen play?
March 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm
Hmmm maybe you’d have to set a top price… but you’d end up with a lot of bottle cap magnets and buttons if my previous searches are any indication…
March 22, 2012 at 10:46 pm
Sounds good. Perhaps “difficulty” levels as dollar limits: $10, $25 and $50 to keep the game accessible and challenging. If you land on something truly offensive or hazardous–Navajo peace symbols, placenta pendants, animal parts, rocky road mix with visible hairs–you can reclick.
And it sounds like the cheaper the fuckery, the harder to find some truly unique crap, so oddly, the more bragging rights if you DO score on $10. This sounds like fun.
March 22, 2012 at 10:29 am
I’m feeling fancy, like I want to dress up. I know! I’ll put on my Hello Kitty dance top! Then I’ll be fancy AND ready for any exotic night shows that I get invited to.
March 22, 2012 at 10:50 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 22, 2012 at 10:29 am
I can easily believe the nose warmer sold, because not only would I buy it, but I’d wear it too.
I can easily believe the Hello Kitty bra sold too, not because I’d want it, but because I used to help with a quilt auction, and I helped sell far weirder bras in that time.
March 22, 2012 at 10:30 am
Sad to say, I’ve bought things like the pan and the sabre skull for my job.
So one answer to “who would by this?” is prop people.
There’s no accounting for the moldy chunk, tho…
March 22, 2012 at 10:35 am
Oh yes, prop people buy weird shit. Costumers too when they have to do armor on a budget.
March 22, 2012 at 11:01 am
Yep. And we fob off our weirder shit to other prop tarts.
“Anyone want this pile of crap I’ve painted blue for some damn show? Anyone?”
But thanks to Etsy, I now know that if I put that blue crap on some barnwood, I
can haz monieswill make money!!!If I didn’t a schmear of self-respect, that is…
March 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm
self respect is for people who don’t have giant piles of
blue thingsmoneyMarch 22, 2012 at 10:35 am
I would totally rock the Hello Kitty belly dance top. No lie.
March 24, 2012 at 5:01 am
I may be a geek– But I too LOVE that HEllo Kitty Bra!!!!
March 22, 2012 at 10:37 am
“For when you have to have your nose up someone’s cold, cold ass.”
March 23, 2012 at 8:00 pm
You laugh, but this is entirely applicable to my job.
March 22, 2012 at 10:41 am
Once more my ass is chapped.
Who knew that people would pay for our renovation debris?
Half-rotted woodwork? Got it!
Beat to shit and covered with paint? Got it!
Damn, I wonder what people would have paid for pieces of the 100 years of paint-impregnated wallpaper? Or better yet, the linoleum found under layers and layers of cheap-ass flooring?
But wait! We still have the original cupped, splintery, painted pine boards underneath the carpet!
Genooo-ine steampunk!
March 22, 2012 at 10:45 am
WHO THE HELL IS CROCHET GUEVARA?
are they coming to NY in May?
March 22, 2012 at 11:32 am
This is what I came here to ask.
WTF, Crochet? Introduce Yoself!
March 22, 2012 at 10:46 am
When HK can’t believe someone bought something, it must be pretty outre.
Actually, on a couple of these, I think she’s just jealous someone bought it before she could.
March 22, 2012 at 10:46 am
I would buy the carrot and wear it all day saying “It’s not my nose, it’s a false one!”
March 22, 2012 at 11:24 am
“She turned me into a newt!”
“A newt?”
“… I got better…”
March 22, 2012 at 10:48 am
I kinda like the gauged mustaches…they look fun. I do reserve the right to leave the office if my female GYN is wearing one though
March 22, 2012 at 10:48 am
The bad thing is the felt egg hat looks like quite a reasonable purchase in this company. Why can’t I bring myself to sell shitty crap if idiots want to buy it? Damn my twisted sense of ethics, it’s what keeps me poor.
March 22, 2012 at 10:51 pm
Tell yourself it’s just an “experiment” to see if people are really that gullible. True, we probably all know the answer already, but reaffirming the data couldn’t hurt, right?
March 22, 2012 at 10:49 am
Would the FJL who bought the carrot nose please post pics. Seriously seems like exactly the kind of thing our *insert collective noun* would buy.
Collective noun
- Gaggle
- Horde (For the HORDE!)
- Screech
- Crumpet
- “Collective”
- Hodge Podge
- Villainous Organization
- etc.
March 22, 2012 at 11:04 am
I vote for “Crumpet” as the collective noun!
March 22, 2012 at 11:24 am
I kind of like Villainous Crumpet Collective
March 22, 2012 at 11:33 am
I smell a new sampler!
March 22, 2012 at 12:20 pm
Me too!
March 22, 2012 at 12:21 pm
Crumpet Fetish 4 Lyfe?
March 22, 2012 at 11:24 am
As much as I like Horde, I think Villainous Organization is more apt. We’re the FJL: Felonious Judemental Louts.
March 22, 2012 at 11:34 am
you could add “murder” to that list
March 22, 2012 at 9:56 pm
“Murder” was already on my list…my to-do list…
*Attempts to look villainous*
March 22, 2012 at 11:39 am
I submit “Fetish”. Because I can.
March 22, 2012 at 5:50 pm
I think of us more as a “cabal.”
March 22, 2012 at 9:27 pm
I kind of like RICO. Not that I think it applies, exactly, I just like it.
March 22, 2012 at 10:50 am
I think I’m going to cry.
March 22, 2012 at 10:51 am
Ha! I like the rusty bowl and egg cozies….. Fun! But then again I’m a kitchenalia addict!
March 22, 2012 at 10:54 am
Just find a large industrial bedsheet and you have a reusable XXXL diaper for your “Alternative yet smoke-free lifestyle.”
March 22, 2012 at 10:57 am
Egg cozies are legit, yo. Don’t be a hater.
And, I hope the person who bought that “peekaboo dreamcatcher” shirt only made it ten yards down the street before a group of Ninja First Peoples beat them soundly with some reverse-appropriated hipster/hippie bullshit items. “Don’t you LIKE my moustache shaped brass knuckles? They are heap big cute, aren’t they, MOTHERFUCKER?”
March 22, 2012 at 11:04 am
I recently had the opportunity to judge some clothing that was entered into a design competition. One of the contestants had dream catchers hanging from the center of the bating suit bra tops. When we saw it, the other judge and I just looked at each other through face palms.
March 22, 2012 at 12:08 pm
This needs to be a real gang.
March 22, 2012 at 3:07 pm
Yes, yes they do.
March 22, 2012 at 11:11 am
Fetishes. That’s why they’ve all sold. I am convinced of it.
March 24, 2012 at 12:42 am
agree
March 22, 2012 at 11:15 am
I’m redoing the first floor of my house and have a bunch of old molding laying around. Time to slice it up, beat it with a hammer, and sell the pieces. I had no idea I was sitting on a gold mine!
March 22, 2012 at 10:54 pm
Yesterday’s outdated building materials are tomorrow’s fuckery backdrop.
March 22, 2012 at 11:19 am
Those egg hats are pretty cute and the mustache septum thing is kinda awesome! The rest…yeah…not so much.
March 22, 2012 at 11:23 am
That just proves people will buy anything. I can also imagine some of those items being worn at Burning Man.
March 22, 2012 at 11:24 am
I am glad the safety pin comes from a smoke free home.
March 22, 2012 at 12:32 pm
That means it was never exposed to bad habits. I mean, except for the sellers penchant for selling stupid crap on Etsy.
March 22, 2012 at 11:24 am
I guess this concludes my lesson in why I’m not making money on Etsy.
1) I am not a re-seller of chinese factory made crap
2) I spend time, energy, effort and money to produce something on my own. That wasn’t ripped off and is handsewn and well made
3) I see junk… and MOST of the time think… “What a piece of junk” not “Wow.. how can I make money off this moldy turd I found in my backyard….”or “I like t-shirts…I like fake Native Dreamcatchers… how canIi combine the two to make the ugliest piece of shit possible.. and sell it to an idiot…..”
But what do I know, I’m a JFL…..
March 22, 2012 at 11:42 am
I looked at your shop and you have some nice items. You might have more success if you brightened your pictures and had the same background in every pic. Also I noticed you are selling vintage too. You should stick with one market niche.
March 22, 2012 at 12:59 pm
I second that advice, although I don’t mind that you are also selling some vintage items. Also, for the dog and cat items, a photo of a photogenic dog or cat using one would be a big plus!
March 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm
I hear ya Tunernpooch. I live in a new suburb and I was out for a jog yesterday. I ran past this hunk of rusted drain pipe and I thought:
“If I were to photograph that against a nice piece of barn wood I’m sure I could make a buck on Etsy.”
That’s when I tripped on my shoe laces and fell smack on my knees. Serves me right!
March 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm
Turnernpooch, my thoughts exactly! And I only get views/favorites if I pay for Etsy’s search ads.
March 22, 2012 at 1:59 pm
I heard jewelry is the most competitive and the hardest thing to sell on Etsy. I opened a second shop which was for jewelry and I did not sell one thing.
March 22, 2012 at 11:35 am
I really wanted to make a jizz joke about the light fixture, but all it reminds me of is chewed gum. Yummy vintage Doublemint or Juicy Fruit reclaimed from under old desks and upcycled into… that.
March 22, 2012 at 1:00 pm
Is it a coincidence that the chandlier is the same shape as the nose in the mustache photo, just drippier?
I think not!!
March 22, 2012 at 11:53 am
Oh please. This is definitely a case of Doth Protest Too Much.
April obviously bought the carrot nose warmer.
March 22, 2012 at 11:57 am
Cthulhu version?
March 22, 2012 at 12:22 pm
Dang. That looks like a whole mess of string beans.
March 22, 2012 at 12:23 pm
And now I know how to recreate the look of a green polyclay mustache for less than 24¢…
March 22, 2012 at 10:46 pm
aaaugghhh! It’s Cthulhu!
March 23, 2012 at 4:23 am
Ugh, the string bean snarf…not pretty, my friends. Not pretty. And someone paid $19 for it.
March 22, 2012 at 11:59 am
I want an egg hat. For my gentlemen friend’s penis.
It would go beautifully with his ball snood.
March 22, 2012 at 1:57 pm
“Make every day a celebration of your love. Surprise her with a pasta-salad. Put a mini beret on your wang.” -Homer Simpson
March 22, 2012 at 12:05 pm
I think we all know where that carrot nose warmer needs to go.
March 22, 2012 at 12:14 pm
love this new section!
March 22, 2012 at 12:17 pm
Sheeps two cents:
various garbage being sold as vintage – ok, not too unusual, we have seen that before. Morons will buy anything.
Easter egg felted hat – really cute (not sure if it is $9 worth of cute, but still cute)
Dreamcatcher – not sure about execution, but interesting idea
Carrot nose – I WOULD WEAR THIS
Lamp – I didn’t see come, I saw a REALLY snotty nose
The septum mustache – Ok, anyone who wears this piece of shit around me is going to be bitch slapped into next Sunday. I mean it. I have no idea why this enrages me so, but I want to rip it out of her smug face. Just remember – NO FAKE STACHES ROUND THE SHEEP.
March 22, 2012 at 12:20 pm
I like how the girl who made the green mustache piercing jewelry basically says that it’s an unhygienic and poorly made piece of shit, but if you buy it, it’s your problem. “I can’t be expected to make quality work, and you’re an idiot if you want to buy it and I have no respect for you.” At least, that’s what I got out of it.
As someone who has had multiple piercings, I would never use anything that was handmade. Especially made out of clay and of improper gauge. It won’t fit right and can’t be cleaned properly. And since she didn’t specify that the one she was modeling wasn’t the one to be sent out, I’m going to assume the worse. Because it’s Etsy.
March 22, 2012 at 12:25 pm
It wouldn’t even be that hard to get gauge, you know? All you need is a sizer to run it through and maybe a small caliper; it’s not like polymer clay changes size significantly when it’s hardened (unlike ceramic clay).
March 22, 2012 at 12:32 pm
I know right? I mean, I still wouldn’t buy it, but that would be one less mark against why it would be a bad purchase.
March 22, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Hey, why not push some lima beans up your nose, wait for them to sprout and save some money?
March 22, 2012 at 12:50 pm
You could wear the nose warmer as a headband and portray a Vegan Unicorn.
March 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm
Yes! You can use it multipur—
Never mind.
March 22, 2012 at 12:57 pm
“This isn’t my nose. It’s a false one.”
“Well, we did do the nose.”
March 24, 2012 at 12:49 am
…and the hat.
March 22, 2012 at 1:03 pm
I have two of the large safety pins (Shut up! They were $1 at the thrift store). Plus, I have a smoke-free home.
I wonder how much I could get for them…
March 22, 2012 at 1:56 pm
7 bucks, according to her store where she has a large brass safety pin for sale for 3.50 (plus 1.99 shipping)
March 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm
Animal skull with a fake grill? SOLD. I want one D:
It would go so wonderfully between a taxidermy squirrel and my liquor shelf
March 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm
If you want to touch my goddamned Jose Cuervo or Grey Goose I’m gonna make sure you’re properly motivated.
March 22, 2012 at 2:00 pm
The thing that would put me off the purchase is if it was smaller than a real skull, and not articulated. If you’re going to go taxidermy fabulous, go big!
March 23, 2012 at 10:54 am
That’s goin’ on a t-shirt.
March 22, 2012 at 1:56 pm
The “saber tooth tiger skull ornament” is an aquarium decoration with gold paint slopped on its teeth. And it’s a Jaguar skull, not a saber tooth tiger.
Jaguar Skull
Saber Tooth Tiger Skull
March 22, 2012 at 2:00 pm
Ah. Not fabulous at all.
March 22, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Jaquar Skull is $4.99! Exclusively at PetSmart.
I will have one in my bathroom next week. With glitter teeth.
March 22, 2012 at 6:13 pm
Ah, in that case, I’m sad I didn’t buy it myself. I could have left the gold, painted the rest teal, and thrown it at the TV when the Jaguars are playing shitty.
March 22, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Proof that your late night alcohol binge induced thoughts that begin with “What if I-” and end with “-and sold it online!!!” can make you money.
March 22, 2012 at 2:25 pm
I love that dreamcatcher shirt. Not really because of the dreamcatcher itself (ugh so hipster) but more because of the peekaboo effect. I have plenty of sheer and holey tops that I wear completely unfazed (and 99% of the time with nothing underneath because I’ll be damned if I’m going to layer in a tropical setting). I am a walking scrap of fabric and my boyfriend often hates me for it.
The septum “jewelry” squicks me so hard that my eyes have twitched shut for the day. Thankfully this will relieve the awful temptation of going to find out if there is clay labret jewelry available on the world wide Etsywebs (I already have a bad feeling there is).
March 22, 2012 at 2:27 pm
COULD SOMEONE (with talent because I have none) PLEASE MAKE A PICTURE OF ALL OF THOSE ITEMS TOGETHER? Somehow when I look at them I see them piled all together in some crappy, robot of the future like shape. Pin for arms, carrot for the nose, bucket for the head etc…
March 22, 2012 at 6:10 pm
The captcha to upload this to tinypic was “cole slaw.”
March 22, 2012 at 6:11 pm
Aw crap. His dance doesn’t work. I’ll try to see what the problem is.
March 22, 2012 at 6:17 pm
Sorry about the technical difficulties. Here’s the fixed version:
March 24, 2012 at 12:50 am
bless you!
March 22, 2012 at 2:41 pm
I have that exact Hello Kitty plushy used for the “dance top.” Two of them, actually. Now I know what I have to do – cut their heads off and make Hello Kitty plushy pasties. I’m sure my husband will be totally diggin’ it.
March 22, 2012 at 2:42 pm
I probably would have bought the blue enamel pan if the price was good. I like things like that. But… a green nose mustache thingy? that is just dumb looking. I am guessing most of this stuff was bought as joke gifts. I actually fantasize sometimes of making something so bad so it gets on Regretsy… do you take submissions? I could send you my ideas and if deemed worthy, I would make and list. I already have a couple of things I’m not sure should see the light of day… I sure could use the income. (Sales on my good artwork have slowed down.) What say you Helen?
March 22, 2012 at 2:50 pm
Riiiiight, like that nose warmer is going to be used on a nose…
March 22, 2012 at 2:58 pm
I had such a visceral reaction to “yummy paint layers” that it frightened me.
March 22, 2012 at 3:17 pm
That skull would be awesome if it didn’t look like it was made of foam.
And didn’t have fucking grills.
Also, I can’t believe I laughed as hard as I did at the safety pin coming from a “smoke-free home”. Somehow I didn’t think metal could really hold on to scents.
March 22, 2012 at 3:17 pm
That skull would be badass if it didn’t look like it was made of foam.
March 22, 2012 at 3:21 pm
“Yummy” layers of paint? That explains EVERYTHING.
March 22, 2012 at 6:10 pm
Come on, HKpril, fess up…it was YOU that bought the Hello Kitty bra, right?
(and boy, I’m sure glad that safety pin is from a smoke-free environment.)
March 22, 2012 at 6:23 pm
But, but, but.. I like the egg hats…
(Ducks and runs)
March 22, 2012 at 7:06 pm
Yummy yummy lead paint!!! Poisons kids and makes women infertile.!!! Dreamy, creamy and yummy!!
March 22, 2012 at 7:49 pm
yummy yummy chippy yummy
chippy chippy yummy yummy
chippy yummy chippy yummy
chippy chippy chippy yummy
yummy chippy waxy drippy
goopy drippy waxy drippy
waxy drippy bulby chippy
chippy chippy mold on top!
toothy toothy chippy yummy
goldy toothy greeny clayey
chippy greeny handle careful
yr defective! heres yr mustache!
yummy mustache mold on top!
pretty chippy hello kitty
itty bitty kitty titty
itty bitty titty kitty
bitty kitty titty ribbon
no one smoked near safety pin!
theres a carrot on my nose
[better used for penis clothes]
yummy chippy floaty planty
kitty titty pan of holes!
i am tired, crazyspouse was supposed to have open heart surgery yesterday [but for some reason they couldnt do it. he still lives]. i just wanna go far far away from this stuff, back to where the word go go was capitalized only after the words whisky a & that world was dark & fun & beautiful & nothing at all like this one.
March 23, 2012 at 7:51 am
Yeah, but we’d have to wear white eyeshadow, pasty pink lipstick, and unflattering bras.
March 24, 2012 at 12:30 am
I can supply the bras. {hugs for luck to ilovetrash’s crazyspouse}
March 24, 2012 at 2:50 pm
thank you.
i am really grateful.
March 24, 2012 at 1:17 am
I love air plants! If I could I would just cover the walls of my house with them. I mean, if that wouldn’t be completely impossible to clean and wouldn’t collect dust like it was going out of style I would.
March 24, 2012 at 2:29 pm
I actually want that septum mustache. I miss my septum piercing.
March 26, 2012 at 12:40 am
I had pneumonia a few weeks ago, and I thought someone was stealing my snot filled tissues but I couldn’t confirm it until I saw that lamp. Now I’m sure of it!
I mustache you a question…
Wtfuckery is that nonsense?
For some really weird reason a part of me wants to like the dream catcher shirt not so much the placement but the concept. Then again it’s also 3:30am and another part of me feels drawing a pickle making out with a squirrel makes sense too so it’s not saying much.
That Hello Kitty bra was definitely bought by some creepy old dude with a mail order bride and a fetish for Japanese school girl naughtiness.
Clearly the molding was bought cause they had the other parts of it. I mean that’s the only logical reason you’d buy something so ridic.