“Daisy!” cried professor Pennywhistle, dropping his monocle. “Where are you going in that ridiculous costume?”
“Please, Victor, I’m late for my stationary velocipede class at the gymnasium.”
How? What? WHAT?
I mean, there isn’t a gear or monocle to be seen!
Or an octopus!
The real question you should be asking is: will she send it to you without washing it first…?
Twriggy, that’s the first place I went after seeing “thong” in the description, coupled with the photo. Steampunky? No. Steamfunky? Yes.
but then she would have to change her listing to steamfunk.
DERP – thats what I get for not scrolling down and reading first.
I checked wikipedia for “steampunk”, pleased to find under “fashion” references to Regretsy!
Steampunk is described as “neo-Victorian”, but your mom’s aerobics unitard is still not steampunk even if they used velvet in the Victorian era.
But it is powered by coal. The carbon foot print of this bodysuit is the equivalent of a 1959 Edsel with a bad carburetor.
I thought that was standard equipment on an Edsel.
My favorite thongs to buy online are the ones that have been in use since the 1980′s.
and involve the word “crotch”.
The sexiest lingerie has long, heavy fabric sleeves.
Stop, stop, you are turning me on. Does this thing have a used snap crotch? Because if so, where is my credit card.
Hey there, so, when’d you join the military. *waggly eyebrows*
UP YOURS! I have that nightgown. It’s heavy flannel. IT’S STEAMPUNK!
And that probably didn’t even cost $27 in the 80′s, when it was in fashion.
I was a young adult in the ’80s. Trust me, that was never in fashion.
The only place fake velvet is still cool seems to be Ren Faires. So maybe it was in fashion in the 1380′s.
Apparently I had no fashion sense even in the 80′s, then… which is really scary.
Ah! But they didn’t have snaps in the 1380s.
“Crushed Velvet” AKA – “This thing has been at the bottom of my lingerie/workout gear drawer since I was on drill team.” At least she could have pressed it first…
because nothing says “steampunk” better than 80s thong workout gear
because when i think “burlesque”, i think “long sleeved velvet”.
not just velvet, CRUSHED velvet, so you know it’s fancy.
Or just feeling very, very chagrined.
“It will work well for burlesque or lingerie”
I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.
I don’t think things can work well as both a blouse AND lingerie.
What military uses puffy shoulders in their uniforms?
The same military that wears crushed velvet and thongs.
So Eddie Izzard has his own military at last!
Where do I sign up?
He was right about the element of surprise!
(I love that man in ways I shouldn’t…I think the bf understands, though.)
I’m in! Where’s our flag?
The Rebels? They’re here? Do they want tea?
I was scrolling quickly through the comments and managed to catch this at a glance. ( <3 EI! He's the voice of my GPS system.
Does that mean we get cake?
Or death. Until they run out of cake anyway.
I ordered the chicken!
An awesome one?
“What military uses puffy shoulders in their uniforms?”
I thought exactly the same thing. My friend in the UK does authentic military reproduction uniforms for her partner and nary a puffy sleeve in sight!
The same one that thinks that ill-fitting sleeves can be passed off as puffy shoulders?
I think the name of the shop explains a lot.
There are many things in life I want. A used black crushed-velvet thong with a snap-crotch from someone calling themself “KissingCousins” is not on that list.
I dunno what you’re talking about, Beeby! A pre-owned thong that is older than I am – I’m looking for my wallet right now!
The listing says the model is only 5’0″. I’m coughing up velvet just thinking about trying to put this thing on.
That’s so gross, I love it.
As I was checking books in at the library yesterday I came across this horror of a book:
I blame it for all the terrible “steampunk” crap on Etsy.
Gaaaah! A steampunked church bazaar birdhouse on the cover? I think you’re onto a horrible truth there, pietarian.
Oh dear, you are completely correct. A quote from a reviewer “If you have a penchant for making up stories about found objects, then steampunk crafting offers ample opportunities for your imagination to jump the fence.” I think the authors of this book must work for etsy.
I think they mean “jump the shark.”
wow, my library had the Regretsy book;)
love the review
As I read the Gazette to catch up on the news,
Some classified adverts I chanced to peruse.
When I saw a category called “Steampunk”,
I turned to it eagerly, but left in a funk.
For I quite enjoy the steampunk aesthetic,
But what I beheld there was rather pathetic!
These intrepid online auctioneers
Had just taken modern objects and stuck on some gears!
It’s simply not cricket!
It shouldn’t be done!
But it’s clear how their thoughts had run:
Just glue some gears on it, and call it steampunk;
That’s the trendy fashion nowadays!
A copper-painted chunk of some nineteen-eighties junk
Will fetch a pretty penny on eBay!
But it got even worse than that, I’m afraid:
And as I went on, I became more dismayed;
For they often didn’t modify the things they wanted me to buy
Heavens to Besty!
They’ll end up on Regretsy!
Great poem! =)
It’s the lyrics to “Glue Some Gears On and Call It Steampunk,” by Mr. B. The Gentleman Rhymer – link to YouTube video below.
Credited in the review title (wasn’t sure if the video link would show there).
I actually kind of like that horrible birdhouse.
The models face says “I’ve got a 30 year old thong up my butt.”
“And I can’t remember if it was my thong or my skeevy brother’s during his ‘Flashdance’ phase.”
Well, the Victorian period was known for it’s crushed velvet bodysuits with thongs.
What, you’ve never got your knickers in an Oliver Twist, luv?
i also feel like someone should start raging over her lack of creeping thigh pubes
You’re a hairist!
This is not Steampunk. The only Steampunk that came out of the ’80′s are these “steamed punks”.
The claim that this is Steampunk is pretty, pretty vacant.
And here I was thinking they dated to the 1970s, like me.
Shut up, zygote.
Apropos of nothing, anyone else listen to ex-Sex Pistol Steve Jones’ show “Jonesy’s Jukebox” on KROQ (or, in my case, a KROQ stream)? It’s pretty fun and a nice break from their alternative-rock playlist.
Crotch snaps are metal = steampunk ? They missed some tags – it could be Edwardian because it is velvet & puffy sleeved; Goth because it is black; retro, classic, wrinkled, ick…
Other possible tags: Medieval, Dark Ages. Honestly, she should have covered more bases…
And then they used “sexy” without giving a close-up of those crotch-snaps in action!
What is Prince’s theme? (Or “The Artist Formerly Known As Prince,” or whatever he’s calling himself these days.) Whatever it is, that’s what I see this as. Ass. Whatever.
I’m disappointed the crotch isn’t hook&loop (velcro). For that matter, if it was from the 80s, they could use just the hook portion, and hook it into the wearer’s pubes. Is saving money steampunk in any way?
The idea of velcro anywhere near the nether regions sounds just horrific.
And a velvet thong that’s already been nestled ‘tween a stranger’s buttcheeks doesn’t?
The exercise-bike-saddle-sniffing Vulva Perfume man might be interested in this item, depending on the size of the smell of course.
I though you only wore that type of garment when you were welding or possibly when you’re a maniac, maniac on the dance floor.
Or if you’re a welding maniac on the dance floor. Although I suppose anybody welding on the dance floor is necessarily a maniac.
Or you eat lobster with a rich guy, then f*ck his brains out…or…huh? Wait..what?
If the velvet were being crushed by an old-timey, steam-driven robot with a top hat and monocle, then MAYBE you could call it steampunk.
Not quite what I would wear for burlesque.
I don’t know, it makes a winning combination when paired with those fetching sequinned hotpants.
Of course I must still be hungover, it needs glitter, glue and sequins with a little fabric paint thrown in!
Yeah…my cabaret/burlesque troupe would take a look at that and go ‘uh…no’. It’s gotta be easy to move in/remove (whether on stage or off) and leotards, no matter how snap-crotched they are simply don’t fit that description.
Instagram photos = steampunk? I didn’t get that memo.
“It’s 30 years old, it’s been up my ass, so I should sell it!”
^Can I have some of whatever she was smoking, please?
Here. Have a toot off my steampunk bong.
Oh Doc A, his figures can be pretty cool, but he is forever ripping off “Return to Oz”… This one is pretty neat though.
I LOVE his stuff. Saw it in a book of Steampunkery (legit).
Must. Have. That. Bong ….
ALSO: proof that, when used correctly, a mustache can be awesome.
I say Victoria, but you are a maniac, I say a maniac on the floor!
I say, if we took a holiday, just some time to celebrate… I ask not for but one day out of life. It would be, it would be most capital!
Oh, Albert, I am but a mining borough’s maiden upon a Saturday night. ~*GAZE*~
It’s odd that I’m more disturbed by the confusing title – Small, extra small. WHICH IS IT?
I read that as smell, extra smell
You’re probably not too far off. I get the feeling we couldn’t change the size of this thing’s smell.
I think it is a pause for dramatic effect
Like “Bond, James Bond?”
Stupid, extra stupid.
“The name’s Small. Extra Small.”
Add this to the ever-growing list of things I don’t want in my nether regions.
And who’d have thought we’d need a list?
I don’t blame the crotch for snapping.
I’d be pissed too if I was being suffocated by material reminiscent of my late Aunt Edna’s couch…
I started snort-laughing when I read this.
I am really surprised (and can’t decide if disappointed or relieved) that you didn’t choose the backside view of this thong body suit to share).
Gosh! 27$ (plus shipping) for an item somebody already put through their ass crack? Non merci!
What’s a T cut back? My backside has nothing remotely shaped like that. I know what a T-bone looks like, and I know when you come to a T in the road you better turn your wheel, but I’m drawing a blank on how a 30-year-old wedgie device would play into that.
Add to tags: factory+air
“puffy shoulder arms” = “military”
I could actually see this being worn as part of a steampunk ensemble, at least if you were doing the burlesque-circus side of steampunk, but it’s not really steampunk on its own…
Holy carp! If you do a search of her shop for “steampunk” about 20 items come up, including a pink prom dress that looks like it’s from Little House on the Prairie. Half her tags must have the word steampunk. Excellent SEO and GREAT for Etsy – piss off a bunch of potential steampunk buyers.
What is it with her non-steampunk items? Seems a great way to alienate potential buyers.
the fact that it’s been up her butt crack, mixed with the fact that her store is called kissing cousin gross me out
WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE WANT TO BUY THAT!?! It’s been in her friggin crack!! GET A GOD DAMN DRESS FORM… you sick cousin kissing weirdo!!!!! The only “steam” that god damned thing had better have is the industrial one at the dry-cleaners…. ew.
Can’t………smile. Thong……….creeping up ass…….clench…cheeks and grit……teeth. Can’t…..speak at…….normal rate…….
I really need to shop at Goodwill and Salvation Army more often…then sell what I buy for 10x the price on Etsy.
Then again, no, I don’t.
“Gadfrey! She is Waltzing MOST Maniacally!”
I’m surprised she didn’t use the ass shot as the front pic seeing as how that is so successfull
I think that thong is having an out-of-James-Bond-body experience.
Q: What size are you, thong?
A: Small, very small.
I really have to wonder where this seller is getting all this 1980s vintage underwear. How is her Mum going to take it when she finds her daughter has been digging through her secret sexytimes underwear drawer to raise funds for her octopus jewellery collection?
From the same seller:
“Another gorgeous antique from Donk’s grandma’s extensive lingerie collection. Circa 1950s, this slip is made of pale blue, super-silky high quality nylon. It has a sheer lace bust with an embroidered bow and a lace-trimmed hem. Excellent vintage condition. Small stain (about 1 inch) on back near hem.
No tag. Best fits a small. Would probably also work for a smallish-medium, as a more fitted garment.
**Would make a gorgeous and unique gift at a lingerie shower! ”
Because nothing says “sexy gift” like your grandmother’s mysteriously stained slip and the mental image it provides of your grandparents bumping uglies.
Ugh. Who wants to wear “vintage” underwear?!
My goodness, there is a whole bunch of ugly in that shop, isn’t there? No steampunk, but loads of ugly.
The whole store looks like she has inherited a elderly relative’s wardrobe.
Does NO ONE on Etsy own an iron???
Whenever I see a “Things That Are Not Steampunk” post come up on the RSS feed, I hear Jack Rudolph in my head going “THINGS I DON’T CARE ABOUT, THIIIINNGGS I DON’T CARE ABOUT.”
For the wording, that is, not simply to be an arsehole- just to clarify. Realised after way too many hours awake that my phrasing could be rather awkward there. I like to think I’m an arsehole for much more interesting reasons.
Not steampunk and not ’80s either.
Speaking as someone who owned:
(a) crushed velvet trousers
(b) snap-crotch body suits
…these were WAY out of fashion by 1980.
And yes, inadvertently catching a few hairs in your snap crotch is not an experience you ever want to repeat.
You know……. a hanger would have been fine, I can use my imagination. whatever chance of it being sold died the second she photographed it touching her lady parts.
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