Peck of the Day
This post first appeared on Regretsy on March 28, 2011
As you know, the good folks at Etsy put an assortment of super special items on their front page, hoping to fool you into thinking that’s what they sell there. These items are chosen in a very deliberate and careful way, and by that I mean they throw some corn on a keyboard, and post whatever their chicken pecks out.
Case in point: a delicious, sunny, citrusy, honey-mustard coated treasury of yummy nummy handpicked fuckery that appeared on Etsy’s front page Sunday night.
Isn’t that so… orange? And it’s French too! I mean, I don’t know why it’s french, but they say that it is, and there’s a little Eiffel Tower in one of the pictures, so… je t’adore!
And of course, everyone loves this treasury, because that’s what people do on Etsy – they talk about how super cute and great and awesome everything is.
These are actual quotes. Only the names and avatars have been changed to protect the craftards
That’s right! The brown paper package tied up with string on the front page of Etsy isn’t even an actual object. IT’S JUST A SHIPPING OPTION.
But it’s a really cute shipping option! OMG it’s so cute, you guys! Super cute. I don’t know why your shipping option is on Regretsy, I think it’s cute. I heart your shipping option and added it to my favorite shipping options. You can’t get cute shipping options like this at the big box stores.
And here’s the best part of this clusterfuck: you can’t sell something like this on Etsy. It’s against their Terms of We Can’t Find Our Ass With a Map. They’re using front page real estate to promote something you aren’t allowed to sell. So if you can’t buy it and you can’t sell it, why is it on the front page?
BECAUSE IT’S THE RIGHT COLOR. That stupid fucking box matches the rest of this merde bébé collection, and that’s good enough for them.
In fact, it could have looked like this:
It reminds me of an article I read once, about how people who are mentally defective or schizophrenic make decisions based solely on color. And isn’t that what we’re really talking about? A building full of adults using giant phones, drinking out of toy cups and wearing their clothes backwards?
MAYBE THIS WHOLE THING IS A CRY FOR HELP