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Penis From Heaven

This post first appeared on Regretsy on March 25, 2011

Someone really likes driving in the rain.

65 comments on Penis From Heaven

  1. KatP
    March 11, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Ah, they must be driving the Kia Bukkake.

    Thumb up Thumb down +92

    • butts lol
      March 11, 2012 at 9:34 am

      To me it looks more like a spurts car.

      Thumb up Thumb down +91

      • KatP
        March 11, 2012 at 9:35 am

        Maybe it’s a Blotus

        Thumb up Thumb down +19

        • monkey33
          March 11, 2012 at 9:45 am

          Or a Hummer?

          Thumb up Thumb down +38

          • KatP
            March 11, 2012 at 9:54 am

            Sexus?

            Okay, I’m officially out of ideas.

            Thumb up Thumb down +12

          • dnbdole
            March 11, 2012 at 9:55 am

            Hope they don’t get a flat. They will have to Jack it up.

            Thumb up Thumb down +17

          • mrthumbtack
            March 11, 2012 at 10:17 am

            And once they Jack it up, they’ll have to get off the nuts.

            Thumb up Thumb down +18

          • monkey33
            March 11, 2012 at 10:51 am

            Maybe a Spewick?

            Thumb up Thumb down +10

    • mrthumbtack
      March 11, 2012 at 10:11 am

      The Toyota Priapus.

      Thumb up Thumb down +51

      • monkey33
        March 11, 2012 at 10:15 am

        If it is a Priapus, that would mean that for the first time in history an erection would last longer than a battery.

        Thumb up Thumb down +39

      • KatP
        March 11, 2012 at 2:37 pm

        Leakin’ C*ntinental.

        Thumb up Thumb down +12

    • kittenlamieux
      March 11, 2012 at 1:18 pm

      They should be careful driving their Skeet Cherokee in the rain, they might hit something wet and explode.

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • reddogbon
      March 11, 2012 at 4:08 pm

      Hopefully they don’t get rear-ended by a Probe.

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

      • 53raptor
        March 11, 2012 at 4:26 pm

        I had a Probe.

        Every time someone cut me off, I yelled that.

        Thumb up Thumb down +4

  2. KnittingB
    March 11, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Looks like someone got the money shot

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  3. KnittingB
    March 11, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Does she have a Hitler mustache?

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

  4. gnuknitter
    March 11, 2012 at 9:43 am

    It’s a tribute to Cronenburg’s “Crash”.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

    • treefinger
      March 11, 2012 at 1:28 pm

      THE MINGLING ODORS OF SEMEN AND ENGINE COOLANT

      That’s all I remember from the book Crash was based on. Ballard used that same phrase about 7 or 8 times throughout the book.

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

    • CrabOfDoom
      March 11, 2012 at 10:57 pm

      Nor gory enough for an homage to “Warm Leatherette”.

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

  5. OhHowMyBrainHurts
    March 11, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Oh I know I’m dating myself terribly but I just can’t resist:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5QErPDNcj4

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    • OhHowMyBrainHurts
      March 11, 2012 at 10:07 am

      Warm leatherette
      Warm leatherette
      Warm leatherette

      See the breaking glass
      In the underpass
      See the breaking glass
      In the underpass
      Warm leatherette

      Hear the crushing steel
      Feel the steering wheel
      Hear the crushing steel
      Feel the steering wheel

      Warm leatherette

      Warm leatherette

      Warm leatherette
      Melts on your burning flesh
      You can see your reflection
      In the luminescent dash

      Warm leatherette

      A tear of petrol
      Is in your eye
      The hand brake
      Penetrates your thigh
      Quick – Let’s make love
      Before you die

      On warm leatherette
      Warm leatherette

      Warm leatherette
      Warm leatherette
      Warm leatherette

      Join the car crash set

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

  6. mingamonga
    March 11, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Looks like someone had serious glue gun problems.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

    • OldPhatMC
      March 11, 2012 at 10:44 am

      I’ve never seen a glue gun used on full-auto before.

      Thumb up Thumb down +24

    • lavenderhoney
      March 11, 2012 at 3:42 pm

      My mind NEVER went to a glue gun. Maybe I would feel better about this if I thought of a glue gun. When I first looked at it, my first thought was, “The artist must have used an eye dropper to evenly distribute all the SPERM that’s on the picture.”

      The thought of running my hand over that picture just…no.

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

  7. scampelina
    March 11, 2012 at 9:45 am

    Carwashes are not the places they used to be.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

    • scampelina
      March 11, 2012 at 9:46 am

      They are waaaaaay more fun these days.

      Thumb up Thumb down +12

  8. monkey33
    March 11, 2012 at 9:46 am

    It seems the Michelin Man got a bit overexcited while filming the wiper commercial.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  9. monkey33
    March 11, 2012 at 9:47 am

    God, I hate driving through Intercourse, Pennsylvania

    Thumb up Thumb down +63

    • MrCarol
      March 11, 2012 at 10:25 am

      You sure it’s Pennsylvania? Looks like they just got in to Climax, Michigan.

      Thumb up Thumb down +26

      • monkey33
        March 11, 2012 at 12:54 pm

        Possibly – the one thing I’m sure about is that it’s not Deadwood, South Dakota.

        Thumb up Thumb down +10

        • YouTooWillona
          March 11, 2012 at 2:07 pm

          Nor the island of Lesbos.

          Thumb up Thumb down +5

      • Nervous Paragon Of The Snippy Salvation
        March 11, 2012 at 5:31 pm

        That is only a few miles from where I live. I always make some crack about approaching Climax when I get off the highway there.

        Thumb up Thumb down +4

    • lavenderhoney
      March 11, 2012 at 3:43 pm

      Looks like they hit Humptulips, WA.

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

  10. dcupcake
    March 11, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Glue guns should be confiscated from people who don’t know how to use them properly. (The same goes for dicks, too, now that I think of it.)

    Thumb up Thumb down +25

    • gnuknitter
      March 11, 2012 at 10:20 am

      Aren’t they both meant to go off when you squeeze them in your hand?

      Thumb up Thumb down +14

      • lavenderhoney
        March 11, 2012 at 3:45 pm

        Sadly, I’ve known both to jam up when squeezed.

        Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • MrCarol
      March 11, 2012 at 10:26 am

      This is my penis, this is my gun.
      One is for crafting, the other for fun.

      Thumb up Thumb down +62

  11. monkey33
    March 11, 2012 at 9:48 am

    If this is truly representative of driving in the rain, it would explain why so many people get pregnant during hurricanes.

    Thumb up Thumb down +24

    • Park
      March 11, 2012 at 2:43 pm

      It’s really not that big a deal. It only rains like that for like 20 seconds, and then it can’t rain again for 15-20 minutes.

      Thumb up Thumb down +11

  12. lolitaluv
    March 11, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Well, the forecast did say the rain was cumming.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  13. dnbdole
    March 11, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Is it Kareem Abdul-Jabbar driving?

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  14. thecreightonberyl
    March 11, 2012 at 9:58 am

    “…and we didn’t have an umbrella when we got out of the car. That’s how I got pregnant, Dad. Honest!”

    Thumb up Thumb down +24

  15. mrthumbtack
    March 11, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Crash?
    That’s that movie with Sandra Bollocks in it right?

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

    • HalfNote5
      March 11, 2012 at 12:05 pm

      Thumb up Thumb down +11

      • HalfNote5
        March 11, 2012 at 12:09 pm

        This was actually supposed to go somewhere else, but it works fine here, too. Back to drinking I go…

        Thumb up Thumb down +6

  16. KharmaApple
    March 11, 2012 at 10:18 am

    It bothers me that their wiper doesn’t seem to be doing anything.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  17. barnwoodpecker
    March 11, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Looks like its starting to stick – roads won’t be safe to drive soon.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • gnuknitter
      March 11, 2012 at 10:43 am

      To be fair, they’re putting down salt at the same time.

      Thumb up Thumb down +10

  18. somebody
    March 11, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Is there some way to view Etsy stuff after Phyllis gets to it? I love being able to poke around the shops and look at their other pieces. It’s a great source of amusement, but if I come to late then I don’t get my fun. ;-)

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

    • CalmlyUnaware
      March 11, 2012 at 4:09 pm

      “…if I come too late then I don’t get my fun.”
      *ahem*
      THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.

      Thumb up Thumb down +8

  19. Postmenopaws ™
    March 11, 2012 at 10:50 am

    The ad on the right, for Kellogg’s, says “See the power of breakfast in action.”

    No. No, thank you. [runs to ba

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  20. HammerTime
    March 11, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Excerpt from “Planet J_I_Z_Z 243″

    “The splooge has come again.” Said Jose emphatically as he turned on the wipers. Raising her right eyebrow, Margret wondered if it would be normal raining on her home planet of Earth. “Does it splooge often here?” she replied. Jose strained to see the conductive highway through his one good eye. His left eye had been damaged in the crash a few years ago…

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  21. HalfNote5
    March 11, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Remind me NOT to walk under that particular raincloud.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  22. YouTooWillona
    March 11, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    “It’s rainin’ SEmen, Hallelujah
    It’s rainin’ SEmen, amen…”

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  23. Trickster
    March 11, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    o/~ If you like “penis colossus”,
    and getting jizzed in a car;
    then when you log on to Etsy,
    you won’t need to look far. o/~

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

    • monkey33
      March 11, 2012 at 12:53 pm

      If you like penis colossus?
      Who doesn’t like penis colossus?

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

  24. maxruehl
    March 11, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Rain? It was just a light jizzle.

    Thumb up Thumb down +26

  25. Zippy
    March 11, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Whacks on – Whacks off…

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  26. hamsterfucker
    March 11, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Ahh, The life of an artist: Paint, Jack off, Repeat.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  27. Tigress
    March 11, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    I’m just getting over the flu..one look at that painting almost made my stomach lose it

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  28. Brad the Butcher
    March 11, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    They’ve got a lot of spunk driving with their headlights off.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  29. Diana
    March 12, 2012 at 4:38 am

    Semen jokes aside, why is her head so huge?

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

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