What’s your vagina footprint?
I am all about helping the environment, which is why I buy yarn from South Africa that takes 40,000 gallons of jet fuel to get to my craft store. Sometimes I just get it mailed to me, which only takes a truck, packaging and customs forms. But I’d rather I take the Prius to pick it up, because then I can listen to NPR.
After I knit my tampons, I have to use the camera and the computer to upload my listings, and more computer time having convos with women named Esther who want to talk about their periods. Then of course, I have to go out and get shipping supplies, so I can send mommy’s little planet savers anywhere (I offer international shipping, which means more jet fuel, trucks and processing, but hey, it’s not easy being green).
Once you throw out all of the packing materials I just sent you, you can really get down to the business of repairing the ecosphere! Because instead of being rid of your filthy tampon forever when you flush the toilet (which you would do at some point anyway), you have to put them in water and change it every day like a fucking koi. And make sure you buy special bullshit detergents that have to get manufactured, like Rocking Green Princess Fairy Yoni Bubbles, which you would never buy if you didn’t have to wash your God damn tampons in the washing machine. Oh, and use gas to boil water to disinfect your snatch rags. If you hard boil some eggs at the same time, it’s practically sustainable!
Sure, it’s a few extra steps. But when you’re out in the backyard, clothespinning your pink crotch rockets to the line while the kids are watching TV and running the air conditioning with the windows open, you’ll get the kind of satisfaction that only comes with sacrifice.
LOVE YOUR MOTHER
March 2, 2012 at 9:33 am
Just remember, the detergent has to be NATURAL or your bajingo will explode.
March 2, 2012 at 9:35 am
I don’t want tee tree oil in my vajayjay!
March 2, 2012 at 9:40 am
Tea tree oil frickin stings! No where near my nethers! Ever!
March 2, 2012 at 9:43 am
I was pretty sure my mom bathed me in it when that scruffy kid in 3rd grade gave me lice.
March 2, 2012 at 12:28 pm
Agreed. I used tea tree oil in a facial cleanser once. Soak something in it and then stick it up my quim?
March 2, 2012 at 9:55 am
Very common yeast infection cure, actually. At least among hippies.
March 2, 2012 at 10:47 am
I am a hippie, and I assure you that there are just as many dumb hippies as there are dumb people in any other group.
There are plenty of more effective natural antimicrobials with less chance of toxicity and adverse reactions. But tea tree oil and bamboo are “hot” right now. Better to be trendy than to think for oneself.
March 2, 2012 at 12:53 pm
I’m a fan of dried garlic for the ones that OTC creams won’t cure.
And dried, at that – I imagine a clove would sting just as much as the blasted oil would.
March 3, 2012 at 2:56 am
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March 3, 2012 at 4:26 am
Default User,
this totally needs to be said:
You don’t get a yeast infection from not bathing enough. In fact, bathing too much can give you one.
Yeasts live peacefully on our skin. When it comes to vaginas, they are kept in check by bacteria producing acidic substances such as lactic acid. It only gets nasty when our good bacteria (lactobacillus etc., also known as Doederleins bacteria) can’t keep up the acidic conditions in our vagina. This can be due to antibiotics (they kill the bacteria), the pill, excessive washing, especially with soap (high pH) or douching, lots of sex (semen has a neutral pH) or just plain stress ruining everything.
Then our yeasts run wild and party in our vaginas.
Solution: Besides antifungal agents, lowering the pH helps, for example by using plain yoghurt locally (contains lactic acid and also soothes the itch) or by reintroducing Doederleins bacteria, they are sold in capsules for vaginal use.
March 5, 2012 at 9:01 pm
To Zeer; I had thrush bad enough once I used a fresh clove (with some string attached). It didn’t sting, but I did start to smell garlic all the time. Apparently it just seeps right through you like a roast. It didn’t cure the thrush.
March 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm
Given that, if you totally need to go the natural way, a plain natural yoghurt will do the trick this is a super stupid.
Remember, kids: While choice is good, there are better and worse choices. Smearing essential oils on your vulva is a tremendously bad for a choice.
March 2, 2012 at 1:18 pm
I used to work at a health food and vitamin store and one tea tree oil company sold tea tree oil suppositories. Now that’s brisk!
March 3, 2012 at 8:01 am
Why would she suggest tea tree oil? Does her vagina have acne?
March 4, 2012 at 11:49 pm
I’ll admit it – I’ve used tea tree oil for that purpose before. You have to dilute it with some sort of skin-friendly oil, lest you wish for your death.
Your whole body will smell like tea tree oil. It sucks. But it the itchiness will cease in about 24 hours, and the infection is knocked out by day three. Works a lot better than Monistat. No mess whatsoever, versus yogurt, OTC creams and suppositories, and gentian violet.
This was pre-insurance, pre-living wage days when I had recurrent infections from the pill (went to Planned Parenthood), and the OTC stuff never seemed to work.
Yeah, that probably makes me a dirty hippy. Can’t imagine using tea tree oil up there on a regular basis, though. And, like, Diva Cup?
March 2, 2012 at 9:38 am
Not sure I fancy soaking something in tea-tree oil before inserting it in my nether regions.
Why is it “hand dyed using natural, low impact dye”? Is it really necessary to dye something to make it pretty when it’s intended use is to absorb bodily fluids?
March 2, 2012 at 9:40 am
But that’s LOGIC!! We don’t serve your kind here, fuzzypickle!
March 2, 2012 at 9:51 am
Of course it’s not strictly necessary, but you wouldn’t want to rob those rural South African women of the sense of pride that can only come from knowing that the fruits of their labor are been shoved into finicky white cupcake cooches, would you?
March 2, 2012 at 10:04 am
“Finicky White Cupcake Cooches” would make an excellent name for a rock band.
March 2, 2012 at 10:35 am
I would soo buy that album! And tee shirt. I would pay real money for the logo…
March 2, 2012 at 4:35 pm
[raises hand]
I’ll be a finicky white cupcake cooch!
March 3, 2012 at 1:16 pm
LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!SO made me laugh!!!! haha
March 2, 2012 at 10:37 pm
“Finicky White Cupcake Cooches” needs to go on a sampler!
March 2, 2012 at 10:16 am
And why wouldn’t you dye it a dark color like red or black? If you are thinking outside the box (hehe) enough to knit tampons, why not make them a color that hides stains and doesn’t have to be cleaned in a million persnickety ways.
March 2, 2012 at 11:07 am
AMEN!
Or maybe A-WOMAN!
A-BAJINGO, maybe?
March 2, 2012 at 2:32 pm
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March 2, 2012 at 3:03 pm
you have misread. the problem is the tampons ARE dyed. fuzzypicklehead is voicing what many of us are thinking: why dye at all? dyes are not for the vagoogoo.
March 2, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Amurana, clearly you have forgotten about My New Pink Button.
March 2, 2012 at 2:37 pm
Maybe it’s so you can see how much blood you still have to wash out of it?
March 2, 2012 at 9:34 am
Or you could, you know, get a
March 2, 2012 at 9:35 am
total blank spot where I meant to put Diva Cup. http://www.divacup.com/
March 2, 2012 at 10:18 am
Yeah, I’ve got the Lunette cup. I also eat an organic, plant-based diet, have a CSA share, compost my scraps, grow veggies in my urban garden, pay extra for the wind power offset, buy eco-friendly cleaning products, and use scratchy toilet paper from recycled sources.
But I wouldn’t stick one of those in my bajingo ONCE – much less TWICE – if you held a gun to my head.
March 2, 2012 at 10:23 am
Yep, Diva/Moon Cups are great, and I’m no hippie chick. Mine has saved me so much money, no risk of TSS, I can leave it in longer, I get less cramps, no dryness, I don’t have to worry about running out of supplies.
March 2, 2012 at 10:30 am
THANK YOU. Why all the absorbent reusable tampons/pads? No bueno.
March 2, 2012 at 1:20 pm
Well I use the reusable pads because I hate storing stuff in my vagina. But the diva cup certainly seems preferable to crocheted tampons.
(I absolutely bought one of these as well)
March 2, 2012 at 4:29 pm
How long do those pads take to air dry? I don’t do laundry (in the machine) every day, so I’d hand wash it.
March 2, 2012 at 10:41 pm
Some of us, namely me, have to use the reusable pads…I’m allergic to the plastic backing they use on disposable pads…it’s also why I can’t use the Diva Cup…I *hate* being so “special”….
March 3, 2012 at 10:39 am
Not to question you on your own allergies/nethers, but if it helps, there are cups in other materials out there. Most, like the Diva, are made in medical silicone (because most folks don’t react to it), but the Keeper is still made in latex rubber, and MeLuna cups in soft TPE plastic.
March 2, 2012 at 11:25 am
Maybe making Diva Cups out of floral oasis is the crafting wave of the future.
March 2, 2012 at 12:55 pm
I have a diva cup but had to switch to Insteads when I ran into weird issues that I haven’t heard anyone else getting.
I loved my diva, but the insteads are nice too, and you can wash an reuse them, at least for one cycle, to reduce impact on the environment, or, y’know, want to save money.
March 2, 2012 at 8:34 pm
Yup, that’s what I do, too.
Several years ago, there was a rumor that the Instead company was going to go under and I bought a whole bunch in a panic.
I now literally have a lifetime supply!
March 2, 2012 at 2:03 pm
I fucking love my Diva cup. I thought I misplaced it once (it wasn’t in the drawer with my vibe) and I cried.
March 2, 2012 at 3:04 pm
Talk about an odd couple.
March 2, 2012 at 8:07 pm
Once while visiting my family I didn’t store mine properly in the bathroom and well . . . the cat thought it seemed like a nice toy. After apparently batting it around and chewing it to almost beyond recognition, the evil beast left it in the middle of the living room for my brother to stumble upon in the morning.
So I, in a confused panic over what happened to it the next day, asked my mom if she had seen it, and my brother from the other room yells “ewwww oh god, so THAT’S what that thing was?!!”
So along with the mortification of my brother finding my long used ie stained cup (why do they make the damn thing clear!?) there was the sadness of having to buy another one. NOOOOO!
March 2, 2012 at 10:37 pm
YES. Except I have a Meluna, and srsly, I LOVE that thing. Why did it take me ’till age 25 to find out about cups?
You’d think hipsters would be all about cups, what with having to order them from Europe and all.
March 3, 2012 at 5:34 am
I’ve got a keeper (http://www.keeper.com/) – I’ve had it for more than six years now and it’s still going strong. The only thing I wash it with is mild soap – once in a while – usually warm water is plenty, thanks.
I’d rather use a little bit of natural resources, ONCE, than have to get yarn bits that are probably going to itch over and over and over again.
I’ve got a couple of reusable cloth pads, too, for doubling up on heavy days or when I just can’t afford a leak (not at an interview! no!) but for the life of me I can’t see why I would trade one disposable for another disposable…and knit isn’t going to last for THAT long under such use.
March 3, 2012 at 12:07 pm
i love the idea of a diva cup, but have Vaginismus so i’ll just stick to my Earth destroying disposable pads, thanks.
March 2, 2012 at 2:40 pm
I wonder which is ultimately more environmentally friendly. Diva cups use plastic, but I’m gonna guess that you have to buy new ones less often than for reusable tampons. Thoughts?
March 2, 2012 at 3:58 pm
Every cup I’ve seen has been made out of medical grade silicone, rather than plastic… depending on the synthesis process, this would make them much more enviro friendly than a plastic product (and you are correct, they last a very long time).
March 2, 2012 at 5:49 pm
Huh, I thought silicone was a kind of plastic. Wait, the spell check suggested silicon, which got me to thinking about the root word. It’s made from silica, isn’t it? Derp!
March 2, 2012 at 7:54 pm
The word ‘plastic’ originally meant pliable and now refers to certain substances called polymers which have this quality. The most common ones come from petroleum but they can also be made from silicon (silicone), cotton fibers (cellulose, used in rayon), and corn (zein, in biodegradable garbage bags).
There’s even a plastic made from milk protein called galalith, which you can make at home with vinegar and some cheese cloth.
Truly we live in a miracle age.
March 2, 2012 at 9:53 pm
Now we know! And knowing is half the battle! GI Joe!
March 2, 2012 at 5:20 pm
You don’t have to replace the Diva cups very often. Yeah, you have to wash them, but it’s just a matter of rinsing them off, not soaking them for days on end. They’re also less likely to give you toxic shock syndrome than even normal, disposable tampons. I can only imagine that sticking a wad of bloody yarn that’s been sitting in cold water for a few days is a great way to get sick, so you’ll probably save gas with all the ambulance rides you’ll avoid.
March 3, 2012 at 10:45 am
A cup can last ten years. So, yes, much less often than reusables.
March 4, 2012 at 10:01 am
I’m never so grateful for menopause as when these conversations about cups vs. pads. vs. bajingo plugs arise.
March 2, 2012 at 9:34 am
Epic Vagina Monologue
March 2, 2012 at 9:35 am
is epic.
March 2, 2012 at 9:35 am
Also doubles as a pen cozy.
March 2, 2012 at 10:19 am
I keep reading this as ‘penis cozy’…
March 2, 2012 at 11:43 am
Those actually exist…in more forms than you might want to know about. An online friend of mine got a request from a friend of hers to make a cigarette cozy in the shape of a penis. (Yes, she made it, and yes, I’ve seen the pics).
March 2, 2012 at 11:44 am
I think the bajingo IS the penis cozy … so this would more make this a penis/dildo/finger place holder?
March 2, 2012 at 2:45 pm
“Vagina” is Latin for “sheath”, so you have a point.
March 2, 2012 at 9:35 am
Well, I OBVIOUSLY already use a Moon Cup, but this new entry to Earth Mother love fest has me intrigued. But how do these compare with Cherokee Hair Tampons?
March 2, 2012 at 9:35 am
Air drying? But I live for that “warm out of the dryer” feel in my tampons. And how am I supposed to explain to people not to use my tampon boiling pot to cook their dinner? These things put the “ug” in “plug”.
March 2, 2012 at 9:43 am
I’d worry that they might shrink in the dryer. But on the plus side: earplugs!
March 2, 2012 at 9:58 am
I can’t even imagine the insects that will be attracted to these things hanging on the ole clothesline. Those nooks and crannies look like perfect hiding places for baby bugs.
March 2, 2012 at 10:05 am
Not to mention vampire bats…
March 2, 2012 at 10:13 am
“Not to mention vampire bats.”
But you mentioned them! WTF?
March 2, 2012 at 10:17 am
Dammit…hate when that happens.
March 2, 2012 at 10:19 am
…and pollen…itchy!
March 2, 2012 at 10:09 am
Pioneer women boiled spiders out of their tampons all the time. Toughen up, soldier.
March 2, 2012 at 12:56 pm
But the only effective way to kill spiders is with fire!
March 2, 2012 at 3:00 pm
I had to look it up to make sure that wasn’t true. Well played…
The wierd thing is, it wasn’t the part about the spiders that tipped me off, but the fact that I was pretty sure they didn’t use tampons back then. Did you know it was a guy who came up with attaching strings to tampons? Why was he even thinking about that? The more you know…
And speaking of tampon parts, anyone else notice that there’s no applicator for these reusable ones? Gah, that would be so uncomfortable trying to shove up there…
March 2, 2012 at 10:12 am
You just gave me a massive jolt of crawling skin. One of my greatest fears is something laying eggs… I can’t finish that sentence.
I’m glad I’m not using tampons (perimenopausal and not worth the effort so I use pads), but even a plastic-wrapped name-brand tampon would never EVER go in my cooch after reading your comment. I think I still have some left at home and I’m throwing them out as soon as I get there. I kept them, hoping I’d need them again. Now they’ll remind me of larva.
March 3, 2012 at 3:08 am
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March 2, 2012 at 11:10 am
But think about the static cling!
March 2, 2012 at 3:03 pm
I’m pretty sure electrocuting your junk is a fetish or unusual sexual practice, so maybe this IS good for some people!
March 2, 2012 at 9:35 am
IF YOU ARE NOT WASHING THEM THAT DAY?????????
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
March 2, 2012 at 10:02 am
Well now, it’s silly to think you’d wash something EVERY day when the thing being washed is covered in blood. Duh! There’s the environment to think of!
March 2, 2012 at 11:03 am
This reminds me of that show “worlds biggest cheapskate” that was on TLC a few weeks ago. Not only did I want to punch every person on that show in the face, but the one woman who didn’t “feel like spending her life savings on toilet paper” instead cut up old towels and fabric and made cloth wipes. There was a bucket of soapy water next to the toilet so that once you wiped up after a particularly vigorous crap, you just threw your wipe in the water to be washed at the end of the day? Week? Lunar cycle? I was really working on stifling the gag reflex that evening my friends.
March 2, 2012 at 11:12 am
Be happy it wasn’t a sponge on a stick like the good ol’ Romans used to use.
March 2, 2012 at 3:43 pm
I read that out of context and thought you meant they used those as tampons, and I was wondering about the function of a stick in a tampon. Ouch…
March 2, 2012 at 6:20 pm
So that’s where the term “reach around” really came from?
March 2, 2012 at 11:28 am
Yeah, a bucket of blood soup would be just lovely–or gruesome!
March 2, 2012 at 11:46 am
You know how some people’s bathrooms smell like a cat box yet they don’t have a cat…
March 2, 2012 at 3:05 pm
Just make sure to keep them wet to let the mildew settle in!
March 2, 2012 at 8:41 pm
Word. When I was in a particularly hippie phase I tried doing the nothing-but-cloth-pads thing, and had a bucket with a covered lid next to the toilet to dump them in. With the lid on, it didn’t stink (and you couldn’t see it) but, man, after a day or two that thing was FOUL. The only way around it was to basically wash them to almost clean first, and to change the water every day; at that point I realized first that I might as well just wash them as they got used, and then, second, that the whole “cloth-pads-only” thing was too much freakin’ work.
I still keep some around for occasional use, but after making the switch to the Instead cup, I never looked back.
March 2, 2012 at 9:35 am
the question that comes to my mind after all that nonsense is: How do you insert them?
Is this just the man with his programming that applicators are neccessary? Can she possibly crochet an applicator using silver wire?
March 2, 2012 at 9:37 am
You jam them up there with a stick. You can upcycle the one the seller keeps in their ass! Just disinfect with tee tree oil.
March 2, 2012 at 10:01 am
A sustainable bamboo stick! Think of the carbons, nobody cries for the carbon!
March 2, 2012 at 9:39 am
I thought that too. Those must be REALLY comfortable to insert.
March 2, 2012 at 9:46 am
you use your finger, she stole the design from o.b. tampons.
they were pretty good actually, but then I got my Diva Cup and I haven’t looked back. $25 for dealing with my period for 6 years (and counting) that’s a good return on an investment!
March 2, 2012 at 9:52 am
My local stores have stopped stocking OB, I guess because people are too afraid of their own vaginas to use their finger to insert a damn tampon! They’ll put all kinds of other stuff up there, though.
March 2, 2012 at 10:17 am
SOME people could never use the regular poke-it-in-yourself-without-an-applicator OBs because they have short arms (and fingers) and are long-waisted, so there’s a greater distance between to their vagina and…TMI?
March 2, 2012 at 10:35 am
Now all I can think of is a t-rex trying to use an OB tampon…
March 2, 2012 at 10:44 am
T-rex,OMG,please someone animate that!
Mugsy…condolences. Srsly.
March 2, 2012 at 11:08 am
I sat here for several minutes (no exaggeration) shaking from an almost-silent Muttley laugh after reading both comments. Tears streamed down my face and just when I thought I was calming down, I imagined a commercial for tampons with a T-Rex, voiced by John Ratzenberger (“Toy Story”) and lost it again.
Thank you.
March 2, 2012 at 11:49 am
I don’t think they have one yet for inserting a tampon, but trying to clean his ear with a q-tip gives a similar feel … T-Rex Trying
March 2, 2012 at 11:52 am
March 2, 2012 at 12:42 pm
I just spent the last 10 minutes chortling over the thought of a T-rex and a tampon. Damn, but I needed that laugh – thank you!!
March 2, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Octie if my keyboard shorts out because of the tears streaming down my face…sorry can’t type still laughing like a loon
March 2, 2012 at 7:29 pm
Lulu, that is my new favorite tumblr.
March 2, 2012 at 10:21 am
I’m imagining all the things people stick up their vaginas…and various Regretsy objects keep coming to mind. The squirrels – agh!
March 2, 2012 at 10:47 am
Well, there the next trend…taxidermpons.
March 2, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Go Team Tampaxidermy!
March 2, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Re taxidermpons:
March 2, 2012 at 2:02 pm
Already has the removal string attached and it’s tapered for easier insertion! The LunaShrew!
March 2, 2012 at 3:21 pm
It’s been done: http://www.metafilter.com/110310/Sixteen-Rabbits-and-Three-Tabby-Cat-Legs
I love the doctor that says you can’t put anything like a baby rabbit up a vagina because it’s too narrow. He thinks things can’t go up bajingos? Someone’s never been laid… And nine months after being laid, something much wider than a baby bunny comes out…
March 2, 2012 at 5:12 pm
@ landcfan
Hactually…that’s been done. Famously.
Check out Mary Toft, one of the original proponents of sticking weird stuff up one’s vagina for fame and profit.
March 2, 2012 at 5:14 pm
Whoops! Read too fast. I was just so excited to share that story.
To make up for it:
If any of you fabulous losers want a great, funny, informative read, I STRONGLY suggest “Bonk” by Mary Roach. It’s a great non-fiction piece on the history of sex and sex research.
March 2, 2012 at 5:42 pm
I am tempted to request that the library of the Christian school I go to order a copy of that book and see what happens. Actually, they’d probably do it. They have a human sexuality class, after all. And to think that about 80 years ago they didn’t even allow dancing here…
March 2, 2012 at 10:25 am
I read online something about production problems and they are working on getting them back in stores. In the meantime, people are making a killing selling them on eBay to those die hard o.b. users..
March 2, 2012 at 10:29 am
(Side note: Didn’t know there was an OB shortage- I work at a Walgreens, and we sell ‘em.. maybe check the website there, if there’s not a store nearby?)
March 2, 2012 at 2:25 pm
Another side note, Natracare and Seventh Generation make applicator-free tampons, and they’re also nasty-chemicals-like-chlorine-bleach-free. Of course, I support everyone’s right to stick whatever they want in their vajayjays – as long as it’s consensual.
March 2, 2012 at 10:48 pm
I also work at Walgreens, and buy my OB tampons there. However, I’ve also bought them at Osco and Target. So either Chicago has a lock on OB tampons, or the shortage is greatly exaggerated.
March 2, 2012 at 12:35 pm
I’m not “afraid” of my vagina. I simply don’t relish the thought of having to scrub my hands like a surgeon right before putting in every single damn tampon and then again afterwards. Especially in a public bathroom where you have to touch surfaces to get in and out of the stall.
Just think of all the germs that can lurk under your fingernails that you’re sticking up there. Ick.
Not worth it to save a flushable, biodegradable cardboard applicator. The hot water and soap from washing up is probably more costly.
This is also why, as much as it intrigues me, I will not be using a Diva Cup.
March 2, 2012 at 3:25 pm
I might someday, but not until after I graduate college. Imagine walking into the dorm bathroom and seeing someone washing one of those at the sink where you brush your teeth…
March 2, 2012 at 8:47 pm
Yes, you do tend to learn the locations of the one-person bathrooms with sinks pretty quickly…
March 3, 2012 at 5:44 am
Admittedly I’m not very germ conscious under the best of circumstances..but I’ve never felt it necessary to wash my hands before inserting products.
I look at it this way; the vagina releases fluid out and down, much like the nose. Germs are a risk, but WAY less of a risk than your mouth, where fluids are washing down and in. Do you scrub your hands like a surgeon before you apply lipstick or wipe your lips?
(This is not based on any scientific knowledge. My gut reaction only. Take with grains of comfort-zone salt)
March 3, 2012 at 10:41 am
I don’t think that theory works from a medical standpoint. Your bladder releases WAY more fluid out and down, but UTIs are very common and can be really nasty. If a steady stream of urine several times a day can’t prevent them, then I hardly think a little bit of vaginal fluid would.
Another concern of mine would be that because the vagina and urethra are so close together, introducing germs into the vagina could cause not only a vaginal infection but potentially a UTI as well. That’s why it’s recommended for women who are susceptible to UTIs (like me) to wash up after sex.
Once you’ve had a truly wicked UTI, it’s difficult to be blase about hygiene in that area.
March 3, 2012 at 10:43 am
Oh, and the lip-touching thing . . . I keep my hands reasonably clean, so I wouldn’t consider brushing a fingertip across my lips to be risky. Now, if I were putting a whole finger in my mouth, yes, I would absolutely wash my hands and under my fingernails first.
March 3, 2012 at 2:06 pm
Thanks Rushgirl for voicing what I was thinking. I’m all for not introducing new bacteria to a part of me that is already prone to infection.
March 5, 2012 at 10:45 pm
Wow, I had to look up the OBs to see what a “applicator-free” tampon was, only to find that’s the only kind that’s available in Australia. I have never seen a tampon come with any kind of applicator. In fact they seem to be specifically marketed in the smallest boxes possible so there’s no room for one.. just every box comes with an instruction sheet on how to insert one. Damn, that’s weird that they come with applicators in the US.
March 2, 2012 at 11:08 am
But…aren’t o.b.’s kind of stiff? These look all floppy, like you’d have to “tuck” them up there.
March 2, 2012 at 1:15 pm
I’ve used soft tampons. Getting them in has never been an issue. Getting them out, however, can get… messy.
The least problem with this abomination would be how to get it up your cooch, the biggest problem is HOLY SHIT WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO USE REUSABLE TAMPONS ZOMG KILL ME NAO!!!
March 2, 2012 at 11:23 am
yeah but these look floppy. obs are a little stiffy.
March 2, 2012 at 9:47 am
A beaver stick!
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.etsy.com%2Flisting%2F83731332%2Fshaman-stick-painted-beaver-stick-by-amy%3Fref%3Dfp_treasury_3&h=2AQEfqa4WAQFBuMPJCQlP0P4Dy-6kdq1Umnf1jhqa1KqZbQ
March 3, 2012 at 4:24 am
I’ve always been a bit disgusted by applicators. What, you want me to use this individually manufactured double-tube mechanism one single time so I can avoid touching myself? But I gather they’re more de rigueur in the US.
The best compromise, if you need one, is the Chinese solution. They don’t sell tampons widely there yet, but they’re catching on: you can get o.b. brand ones in big supermarkets, and they come with little packets of clear plastic finger-protectors, little single hygienic fingerlets. I think that’s genius, and much less wasteful.
March 5, 2012 at 10:47 pm
Like the ultra thin flat plastic gloves that come in cheap hairdye packets? I can see those being useful. But I doubt they’d be introduced here as obviously there’s are generations of women just fine to stick tampons up by themselves.
March 2, 2012 at 9:37 am
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March 2, 2012 at 9:37 am
Diva Cup? Too high-brow for me. I just duct-tape a Red Solo Cup down there and call it a day. Rinse that sucker out at night, and the party’s on! You know what they say…Reduce, reuse, Regretsy.
March 2, 2012 at 9:38 am
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March 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm
You’re on Regretsy – what do you expect?
March 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm
To throw up a lot?
March 4, 2012 at 2:22 pm
Well, I have become a slightly less fat jealous loser lately… thanks Regretsy and Co!
Forget Jenny Craig! Eat whatever you want and then spit-take it all back with Regretsy Reader Comments!**
**not evaluated by the FDA, FCC, or whoever else you can think of.
March 2, 2012 at 9:53 am
Red Solo Cup..I fill you up..Proceed to party!
March 2, 2012 at 10:45 am
damn you! you got to it before me
March 2, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Sorry, gotta say it; hippie(literal) Bloody Mary…Now THAT’S how you recycle! Think of all of the iron you’re getting back!
March 2, 2012 at 10:58 am
I’m waiting for our own @RedSoloCup Loves Everyone to show up.
March 2, 2012 at 8:11 pm
don’t forget to glitter it too
March 2, 2012 at 9:38 am
No one is getting anywhere near my cooch with handmade “wombyn” products. And how in the hell are these “anti-bacterial?” Excuse me if I don’t trust vinegar or “my favorite, tea tree oil” to kill all the fucking germs so I don’t wind up with total vag rot!
March 2, 2012 at 9:53 am
Look, everyone knows, south African unemployed women NATURALLY infuse anitbacterial properties into anything they knit. It’s part of “nature” and the real, natural, earth-based medicine that has been penis-oppressed for centuries! Try to free your mind, and when your twat follows, it can save the earth.
March 2, 2012 at 10:24 am
“Try to free your mind, and when your twat follows, it can save the earth.”
This shall be my uplifting, inspirational quote for the next time one of my fellow wombyn(es?)is feeling oppressed by the male patriarchy. Amen Sistah!!
March 2, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Bamboo is naturally antibacterial. Enough to trust with something like this, though? I wouldn’t.
March 2, 2012 at 1:58 pm
It is, which is why it makes awesome socks. Your feet don’t get stinky with bamboo socks.
But, yeah, not trusting it for internal use.
March 3, 2012 at 3:26 am
*checks bamboo stick label*
For external use only.
Huh.
March 2, 2012 at 2:24 pm
I cannot believe you assholes are overlooking the fact that copper and brass are natural antibacterials and antimicrobials, too. STEAMPUNK TAMPONS, PEOPLE. That’s right! No need to boil this Tesla coil! They’ll be all the rage in every wombyn’s personal Faraday cage!
(I’ll think of some more catchy snake oil slogans later. Maybe something to do with the skin effect or bleeder resistors. Or maybe just some general hoo-hoo references. I don’t know. I need dinner first.)
March 2, 2012 at 3:13 pm
Does bamboo even grow in South Africa? If not, then it has to be transported there from whence it grew… Just to get dyed and knit so it can get transported to the US, so it can be bought by someone in SE Asia… etc. etc.
March 2, 2012 at 3:26 pm
Okay, yes it DOES grow in South Africa… my bad.
March 3, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Yeah it does. I used to use bamboo to make bows and arrows when I was a kid. yay.
March 2, 2012 at 3:53 pm
Bamboo textile manufacturing involves some pretty rough chemicals, but don’t worry, it’s all made in China so I’m sure it’s fine and there’s no reason to worry about environmental impact or textile worker’s safety. They certify it!
Wiki doesn’t say anything about a bamboo cloth plant in South Africa, so even if they have bamboo out the wazoo, it’s possible the tampons go China-South Africa-Lady’s House-Your Door.
March 3, 2012 at 12:09 pm
Bamboo isn’t a real fiber. It’s rayon made with processed bamboo wood pulp, processed with chemicals and shot through a shower head as a liquid before it becomes a fiber. It’s not healthy or eco friendly at all.
March 2, 2012 at 9:39 am
Toxic Shock Syndrome
Yeah. Anything going near my happy box needs to be sterilized.
March 2, 2012 at 9:50 am
In this case I vote for “toxic schlock syndrome”.
March 2, 2012 at 8:51 pm
Brace yourself: store-bought tampons ain’t sterilized either. You can get medical grade ones that are, but they have to be special ordered.
March 2, 2012 at 9:41 am
For the love of crochet, what are these things stuffed with? This isn’t just a bit floaty earth goddess woo woo, it seems pretty dangerous to me. Has the woman not heard of toxic shock, or just plain old infections? You’d want to be sure those things were totally sterile before shoving them back up there. Just no.
March 2, 2012 at 9:48 am
no no no!! these are KNITTED!!! at least they look knitted to me.
finally something abhorrent on regretsy that isn’t crocheted, I’m so glad
March 2, 2012 at 9:51 am
alas, I’m wrong.
crochet is again besmirched. literally in this case.
March 2, 2012 at 10:06 am
I am sorry for wrongly slandering crochet. Looking more closely, I think they are knitted.
As an avid crocheter of useless items myself, I was just assuming that she was using the amigurumi spiral technique. With that you could knock out one of these delightful items in about 10 minutes. If you wanted to. Which you probably wouldn’t. But then you’d need another couple of hours to bathe it in fairy dust and moonlight and wishful thinking.
March 2, 2012 at 10:25 am
Definitely crocheted. If you look very closely you can see the little “V” of the single crochet stitch…and “V” IS appropriate in this case.
March 2, 2012 at 11:11 am
It’s tagged “crocheted”, but it looks like either a half double or a back-loop-only single stitch to me. The rows have those little lips (ew) that form pseudo-ribbing. If I’m right, the weave is relatively loose (also ew), which makes it even grosser.
March 2, 2012 at 10:22 am
Yes, but once they’re besmirched they can be washed and boiled and hung out to dry on the clothesline.
The seller should suggest not to hang them outside during nesting season. Birds LOVE bits of yarn to weave their nests and if the strings are attached to tampons, win-win–nice bolster cushions for the nest.
March 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm
I once saw a nesting bird flying while carrying a long strip of cellophane; it was impressive and noisy. I’m not sure I’d feel the same sense of “Wow! Aren’t birds resourceful!” if I saw a bird with one of these tampons. I’d probably try to save the bird and its future babies from having to live with such a disgusting thing.
March 2, 2012 at 2:36 pm
Oh, of course, that’s where the movie came from! “Birdemic: (Toxic) Shock (Syndrome) and Terror.”
March 2, 2012 at 10:26 am
Oh god. A sweater for my bajingo. This makes my ladyparts itch.
March 2, 2012 at 9:55 am
Didn’t you read it? Bamboo, pesticide/chemical free, it’s all right there. Where does all the hate come from?
March 2, 2012 at 10:03 am
All this new-fangled, high-tech bamboo and cotton knitted foolishness…
Whatever happened to moss and kapok tied on with a bunny pelt?
March 2, 2012 at 10:07 am
And inserted with a jackalope penis bone.
March 2, 2012 at 10:04 am
When I first saw the picture, I thought they were crocheted cat toys. Imagine how fun it would be to have guests over and little Mittens busts one of these things!
March 2, 2012 at 10:11 am
I kind of want a catnip-stuffed one of these now. Maybe tie a little bell on the string, too. My kitty and I would both get endless amusement from it.
March 2, 2012 at 11:38 am
Your wish is granted–see link below.
March 2, 2012 at 10:40 am
I used to have a cat that would have used those as toys. Yes, even dirty ones. Especially dirty ones.
March 2, 2012 at 3:11 pm
My cat would’ve loved one, too. As it was, his favorite toy was an amigurumi eyeball I got at a con one time.
March 2, 2012 at 10:51 am
You reminded me immediately of http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4pp1r_theyoung-ones-rick-and-the-tampon_fun
March 3, 2012 at 1:26 pm
Love the Young Ones…. totally took me back!!!
March 2, 2012 at 3:49 pm
http://www.regretsy.com/2012/02/08/red-rover/
March 2, 2012 at 9:44 am
I use cotton, reusable pads because I have a bad allergic reaction to commercial pads, but this? Holy bajingo I would never, ever dream of putting this anywhere inside my body. Not only do they look painful as all get out, but I have a strict policy of not putting anything in my hoo ha unless I’m positive of the materials it’s made with.
March 2, 2012 at 10:20 am
Agreed. There’s a difference between sticking something UNDER your cooch and sticking it INSIDE your cooch. There has to be a higher standard for something that is inserted into your body.
March 2, 2012 at 10:35 am
“There has to be a higher standard for something that is inserted into your body.”
Words to live by, and in more ways than one.
March 2, 2012 at 10:21 am
I hear ya.. Even flesh is questionable these days.
March 2, 2012 at 10:27 am
Your avatar expresses your comment perfectly.
March 2, 2012 at 11:17 am
hahahah you are so right
March 2, 2012 at 11:23 am
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March 2, 2012 at 9:45 am
GURU WOMAN: Can you feel the life forces flowing? Can you feel them?
EDDY: No, but I can smell them, honestly.
March 2, 2012 at 9:46 am
How about this?
not suitable for vegan vaginas, though.
March 2, 2012 at 9:52 am
Those actually work pretty well. I used them to hold up my delicate lady bits after my vagina decided to turn inside out after three natural childbirths.
TMI? Must be the Nyquil talking again. Fuck.
March 2, 2012 at 10:29 am
I’ve known a type of cervical cap to be used, though I never knew sponges were used for that. I’ve never had children, so needing them is a remote fear, far down on the list.
March 2, 2012 at 11:14 am
Should I leave a comment about how that remark made me even more gay? Or will it be thumbs-downed?
March 2, 2012 at 12:47 pm
oh…be.JEEEZUS.h.christ. this thread has made me so thankful for never having gone through childbirth and for never again having to shove a scratchy, chemical-soaked wad of god-knows-what up my lady bits, cooch, quim, vajayjay, penis cozy, or any other nether regions. Thank you, menopause.
March 2, 2012 at 10:00 am
::Puts on History Geek hat:: Hey, sea sponges were 19th Century birth control! Soak ‘em in brandy, shove ‘em up your love passage and voila, instant Today sponge! ::History Geek hat off::
March 2, 2012 at 10:06 am
The brandy probably made it easier to close your eyes and think of England too.
March 2, 2012 at 10:25 am
Yes, a good dose down one’s gullet was probably part of the recipe as well!
March 2, 2012 at 3:55 pm
Wouldn’t that burn like hell?
March 2, 2012 at 10:26 am
Who says Regretsy isn’t educational? Hey, homeschoolers, get a load of this!
March 2, 2012 at 11:30 am
So vegan vaginas are not sponge-worthy?
March 2, 2012 at 11:42 am
Sponges are technically animals, so that’s why vegans wouldn’t use them.
March 2, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Yeah, that’s why squirrels and gerbils are out, too.
March 3, 2012 at 1:27 pm
teeeeeee heeeee HAHHHA HAAHA !!!!!!! omg.tears.
March 3, 2012 at 8:21 pm
Sponges are freakin’ amazing. If you blend them up, all their cells aggregate back together. If you blend a bunch of different sponges up and pour all the blended bits into one jar. All the cells know exactly which other cells belong to the same sponge as them, and they aggregate accordingly.
March 2, 2012 at 12:42 pm
The picture of the scratchy starfish on that makes me cringe though.
March 2, 2012 at 9:46 am
you know, before the invention of tampons (and very likely napkins as well), women, such as my mother, would cram cotton balls up in there. Or possibly rags. My memory is spotty on this point.
Personally, I think these started life as glingers, but nobody was buying them.
March 2, 2012 at 9:53 am
Whoa! How old is your mom? Tampons were invented during World War 1!
March 2, 2012 at 9:57 am
LOL. But really – I hear that women used to just sit on hay bales back in the day too. Ouch.
March 2, 2012 at 12:49 pm
“spotty.” I see what you did there, Princess.
March 2, 2012 at 9:50 am
How is it possible that this was posted on Etsy and the seller made no mention of “wombyn”, “sacred red sacrifice”, “moon goddess” or “cyclical renewal”?
March 2, 2012 at 1:05 pm
or the sacred red tent??
March 2, 2012 at 9:51 am
If they don’t work out for you, there’s always this alternative use for them:
http://img1.etsystatic.com/il_fullxfull.195991665.jpg
March 2, 2012 at 9:54 am
Oops, that should be:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/62749163/cat-toy-tampon-catnip-weird-pet-toys?ref=sr_gallery_1&sref=&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=tampon+cat+toy&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_ship_to=GB&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade
March 2, 2012 at 9:55 am
don’t forget the fetus toy…
And maybe she’s wondering why the damn listing doesn’t seem to be selling…
March 2, 2012 at 9:59 am
I do like eyeballs and the TNT,though.
March 2, 2012 at 10:10 am
“I can keep going.”
No, that’s okay. Really, no more.
March 2, 2012 at 4:01 pm
I REALLY want to hear about someone who buys the reusable tampons and the cat toy, and accidentally puts the one covered in cat saliva and dirt in her vagoo.
March 2, 2012 at 9:51 am
And once more I say thank gawd for menopause. Although I suppose I could get a couple to soak in vodka….
March 2, 2012 at 10:08 am
That’s a whole different kind of Bloody Mary.
March 2, 2012 at 10:15 am
*wonders about the stalk of celery*
March 2, 2012 at 10:25 am
it’s a stiffy, suitable for vegans?
/has no idea why I’m taking the mickey on vegans today
March 2, 2012 at 10:26 am
You could also repurpose them this way…
March 2, 2012 at 11:02 am
OMG, she’s going to start reading vaginas now? She’ll name that VaJayJayVisions™ and the speed of her Internet connection is nobody’s business!
March 2, 2012 at 11:46 am
This was so not something I wanted to scroll into.
March 2, 2012 at 10:45 pm
I second that. It scared the shit out of me. Now that I look at the picture though, I can kinda hear her making a kind of ”huuuuu” wheezing noise. Yuck.
March 2, 2012 at 9:52 am
One of the many positive features of the disposable tampon is the fact that you don’t have to get period blood all over your hands. Yes, it’s natural, but so is shit. If I can keep it off my fingers, it’s a big plus.
March 2, 2012 at 3:04 pm
You must have very light periods. I’m lucky if I don’t get smudged up getting the stupid thing back out.
Also, I thought you couldn’t flush tampons ’cause it tended to clog?
March 2, 2012 at 9:52 am
Dear, why is this wind chime so quiet?
March 2, 2012 at 10:07 am
Curse you, IHTBJ, you’ve just scotched my carefully-nurtured business plan to sell Wind Chimes for the Deaf.
I was supposed to be first to exploit this lucrative niche market!
March 2, 2012 at 10:28 am
Ha! I hate wind chimes, so this idea intrigues me. I’d pay a guerilla squad to yarn-bomb all wind chimes within five miles of me.
March 2, 2012 at 8:22 pm
what about books for the illiterate
March 2, 2012 at 9:54 am
I’d sooner wash poopy cloth diapers….and I don’t even do that.
March 2, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Eh, it’s not so bad . . . poopy cloth diapers, that is. Unless you’re hand-washing them or rinsing/soaking them (which you DO NOT have to do), you don’t have to touch anything nasty, at least no more than changing a disposable.
However, I wouldn’t do cloth tampons or pads. I don’t use enough to make any possible savings worth the extra effort. With cloth diapers, it was a couple thousand dollars saved between my two kids . . . well worth doing 2-3 extra loads of laundry each week.
March 2, 2012 at 9:54 am
What in the bloody hell??? Ever yank out a clot, sweetie? A little globby present from your uterus? No amount of vinegar-dunking is going to make it feel okay to ram your previously soaked douche rag back up there. And the knitted texture of these must feel AMAZING. Who needs ribbed-for-her-pleasure condoms when you can have a knitted tampon rubbing you the right way all day long? It’s like a little mini-orgasm every time you cramp.
March 2, 2012 at 10:02 am
good point – I’ll take 20.
March 2, 2012 at 10:15 am
I’ll take a little good-natured ribbing then, thanks.
March 2, 2012 at 8:23 pm
this is cotton yarn right……
March 2, 2012 at 9:55 am
Here’s a thought, instead of jamming something ‘natural’ up yer cooch, just go pantsless and ride a sheep around for a week.*
*not suitable for vegans
March 2, 2012 at 9:58 am
I was totally going to comment on how she needed a wool alternative, you did it way better though.
kudos.
March 2, 2012 at 1:04 pm
…just go pantsless and ride a
sheepcotton pony around for a week.March 2, 2012 at 9:57 am
“…or, instead of going through the trouble of washing them after wear, you could give them to your husband to use as shark fishing lures.”
March 2, 2012 at 9:59 am
Vampire tea-bags.
March 2, 2012 at 10:05 am
Zombie lures!
March 2, 2012 at 12:10 pm
But, not suitable for vegan zombies.
March 2, 2012 at 12:57 pm
Do vegan zombies only eat the brains of Twilight fans?
March 2, 2012 at 1:50 pm
If they did, they’d starve!
March 2, 2012 at 9:06 pm
Grainnsss…
March 2, 2012 at 9:58 am
I have to many questions in my head that I’m just not comfortable with. How would these ‘expand’ to keep the tampon from becoming a bloody projectile if the lady so happens to sneeze whilst bleeding?
Doesn’t 100% cotton lead to twat rot?
How do I get it up there without it going all floppsie on me?
March 2, 2012 at 10:20 am
Erm, are you asking how to stiffen something that you’re going to put up your lady-tunnel?
March 2, 2012 at 9:59 am
Very important to wash in COLD water only before you boil them.
March 2, 2012 at 2:08 pm
That part does make sense. If you’re trying to clean up blood, you want to use cold water. Hot water will coagulate the proteins in blood into the fabric, and make the stain permanent. So, you get the color out with cold, and then wash in hot to sanitize.
March 2, 2012 at 10:00 am
Guys, guys. There’s no need to raise such a fuss over this…resourceful woman. Think of it as the ultimate birth control. “Honey, what smells like pachouli and rotting corpse? Oh, here it is it’s your OH JESUS FUCK ALL HOLY FUCK BISCUITS GRAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHGLH”
March 2, 2012 at 10:04 am
Even more effective than an aspirin betwixt the knees!
March 2, 2012 at 10:02 am
I get crotchety when people crochet things for my crotch.
March 2, 2012 at 10:42 am
Fine! I’ll just find someone else to test my prototype for a backwards thong.
March 2, 2012 at 10:03 am
Bamboo for your Wazoo.
March 2, 2012 at 10:34 am
Where’s the Glitterpuff for your Hoo-ha?
March 2, 2012 at 10:04 am
I bet you ten-to-one they tell the South African women they’re Christmas tree ornaments.
[and, while it's been mentioned before: "If you're not going to wash them that same day"??????? Yikes. And ick.]
March 2, 2012 at 10:10 am
But are they covered under my health care policy?
March 2, 2012 at 10:18 am
Hell no. Health insurance should never cover something as slutty as things that go into a woman’s vagina, or as I like to call them “Satan’ Little Cotton Fingers”.
March 2, 2012 at 1:01 pm
Based on the same criteria, insurance shouldn’t cover Mighty Blue Peener Power Pills for baldy old hypertensive gasbag geezers…OK.
March 2, 2012 at 1:09 pm
Are you suggesting we abolish the male-superior hypocritical philosophy that rules so much of our society? We could get a petition going, but we’d all be labeled sluts.
March 2, 2012 at 1:38 pm
It wouldn’t be the first time…
March 2, 2012 at 1:44 pm
I am thinking of whipping up a “Slutty for Mugsy” shirt though.
March 2, 2012 at 1:52 pm
Thank you for the inspiration for my next Etsy store, featured mass-produced disposable tampons embroidered with the word “SLUT”.
March 2, 2012 at 2:52 pm
@Diacritical: How about a “Slutty Mugsy” t-shirt? Some would say that’s redundant, but they’re just bitter.
If I were a lesbian, however, I’d LOVE a slew of women wearing “Sluts for Mugsy” t-shirts.
March 2, 2012 at 2:58 pm
I was going with the Anne Heche “only gay for Ellen” line for reasoning.
March 2, 2012 at 3:00 pm
*of* reasoning, pardon my derpes simplex…
March 2, 2012 at 3:51 pm
Oh! Sorry I missed the joke.
March 2, 2012 at 4:26 pm
I can’t even count all of the tampons I’ve had in me. Oh God, I’m such a slut… *crying hysterically* Forgove me, Lord!
(also, everyone knows the origin of the word “hysteria”, right? Same root as “hysterectomy”. Essentially, doctors would diagnose any number of symptoms as the patient being a crazy woman. The doctor would then give the woman a vaginal massage, until she reached “female hysterics” (if I remember correctly). The vibrator was invented to make these treatments easier (I’m dead serious). On a related note, Hippocrates believed that the womb (hyster) moved around in the body, causing women to act batshit.
March 2, 2012 at 3:06 pm
Oh, Viagra should be covered if and only if the men are made aware of the risks of sexual activity by getting a urethal swab for STIs every time they need the prescription refilled.
March 2, 2012 at 10:15 am
“Hillbilly Bajigo Wash” may have just been dethroned as my favorite phrase ever by ” Rocking Green Princess Fairy Yoni Bubbles”. Maybe, it’s a close race.
March 2, 2012 at 1:08 pm
I love to hear Don Ho sing “Yoni Bubbles”.
March 2, 2012 at 10:15 am
Knitting with bamboo? That’s a great idea! I’m going to crochet a hip scarf out of mahogany.
March 2, 2012 at 10:39 am
When you work out the process for turning mahogany into rayon, we’ll talk.
March 2, 2012 at 2:31 pm
You know, you probably could if you broke down a perfectly nice wooden table and did something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aRBn-9yV8Y
Though I suggest that instead of dripping your stuff into the acid, you put it in a syringe (the smaller the hole the better), so you can draw out a long fibre that almost looks like a strand of rayon.
…Sorry, high school chemistry geek-out there.
March 2, 2012 at 10:16 am
I have a laundry service. I wonder what they’d think of these babies in with my whites.
March 2, 2012 at 11:04 am
Damn it, I said NO STARCH!
March 2, 2012 at 10:17 am
This is just plain wrong.
However, I appreciate “Green Guide for Dummies.”
I have an idea about what she can stick up her, um, dick sharpener.
March 2, 2012 at 10:18 am
Thanks to uterine ablation and tubal ligation, my vag is leaving no carbon footprint. And it’s kind of like community service to humanity that I can no longer reproduce. Bonus points.
March 2, 2012 at 10:50 am
Jealous! My ob/gyn wouldn’t do an ablation, so I got the tubal and Mirena.
March 2, 2012 at 11:15 am
My doc is awesome.. She’s like, “Why don’t we do an ablation? If your plumbing isn’t working anyway, there’s no reason for it to leak.”
March 2, 2012 at 1:05 pm
I had an ablation. Didn’t stop me leaking.
March 2, 2012 at 10:19 am
I bet she makes pads out of used mattresses. Very eco.
March 2, 2012 at 11:20 am
Used mattressess with placental stains.
March 2, 2012 at 10:24 am
Looks like a raging case of PID waiting to happen. I don’t mind using OB tampons, but I am sure as shit flushing it when it has outlived it’s usefulness in my vajayjay. I think my vaginally is the one place that requires a new, sterile product each time. Hell… I have strict requirements for my husbad before he comes at me with his product.
I am still thinking of buying the diva cup… how do you all feel about it if you have experience with one? I’m a nurse and I work 12 hour shifts, so I could see benefits and hinderences to that. Thoughts??
March 2, 2012 at 10:44 am
Most people I’ve talked to who use the diva cup absolutely love them. I’ve never been able to get mine to work right, and I’ve been trying on & off for like ten years now. It might just be that my bits are weird though.
March 2, 2012 at 9:10 pm
Try a different brand or style, like Mooncup or Insteads – different anatomy sometimes needs a different shape.
March 2, 2012 at 10:45 am
I’ve been using a Diva Cup for about 10 years now, for me it was a financial decision. It has a bit of a learning curve, but once you’re used to it, it’s so much better than tampons. And yes, unless you have a crazy-heavy flow, you can wear it for 12 hours without having to empty it.
March 2, 2012 at 10:51 am
Do it, best £20 I have ever spent on something that wasn’t gin.
March 2, 2012 at 11:01 am
Winning at managing input AND output!
March 2, 2012 at 11:02 am
I’m with Indie and Spooky. Do it.
I routinely go a full day between emptying. I take care of that business in the shower, where I can immediately rinse it out without worry. And I personally find it easier to insert from a standing position anyway.
March 2, 2012 at 11:11 am
I use a LadyCup (ruined my coochie’s footprint by having it mailed from the Czech Republic) and it can handle 12 hours on all but my VERY heaviest days. There is a learning curve for the first couple of months, but I’ve been using cups for 6 years now and won’t go back to tampons ever.
March 2, 2012 at 12:24 pm
Just so I’m clear, you had your LadyCup mailed form the Czech Republic, right? Because having your coochie mailed from there (or anyhwere) is just a really intriguing image.
March 2, 2012 at 11:44 am
I only empty mine 2x a day anyway. Get one, they’re awesome!
March 2, 2012 at 12:36 pm
Whenever I hear “menstrual cup”, I think this… so my thought is, Bleuughh. But I’m admittedly prejudiced.
March 2, 2012 at 12:38 pm
I’ve been using one for over 12 years now, and I LOVE IT. I have both the original (dark red rubber) and the newer (clear latex), and they are both fantastic. Depending on how heavy your flow is, they can easily hang in there for 12 hours. Definitely worth the investment!
March 2, 2012 at 2:15 pm
Relatively new user (2 years) reports:
It’s a bit intimidating to consider needing to, ah, do maintenance on it in a public restroom. You can dump it and wipe it kinda clean, but that hurts me in my perfectionism.
Fortunately, I’ve almost never had to face that situation because the Diva can go so long without maintenance. Yes, 12 hours is a reasonable expectation.
There’s also the disposable Instead cup, which doesn’t have any financial or environmental benefit to speak of, but also doesn’t have the little stick bit hanging off it, so it gains the “yay clean nonsquicky sex during Leaky Week!” advantage. For me, that’s an 8-12 hour solution where the Diva is 12+.
A bottle of water to rinse the Diva in the stall, a ziploc bag to shove it in, an Instead cup as understudy, and a complete lack of burning shame at the thought of carrying around your bajingo plug until you can get to a private sink might make a good backup kit.
March 3, 2012 at 7:53 am
Brings new meaning to the word “pursesnatching”.
March 2, 2012 at 10:25 am
‘Like a fucking koi” …I fell off the chair. And pee’d
March 2, 2012 at 10:36 am
Me, too. This is my new all-time favorite Regretsy commentary.
March 2, 2012 at 10:39 am
But do they hold as much Vodka as a regular tampon?
March 2, 2012 at 5:53 pm
Wouldn’t a diva cup hold it best? *takes cup out of vag, and sips vodka*
March 2, 2012 at 10:40 am
I got a hysterectomy, bitches. I’M SAVING THE PLANET MORE THAN YOOOOUUU.
March 3, 2012 at 1:25 pm
I want to save the planet, too, but I’ve had a lot of trouble finding a doctor who believes me about not wanting bio-babies EVER. I’m 34; keeping up with the cats is work enough for me.
March 3, 2012 at 9:39 pm
Oh, see, you’re making the mistake of thinking that your body actually belongs to YOU. Silly female.
March 2, 2012 at 10:42 am
Honestly, the science geek in me is most irked by their suggestion to use chemical-free detergent to wash the damn things. Hippies: Get it through your head that just about everything in the whole entire world is made of chemicals! Chemicals are not evil, and just because something is “natural” doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Arsenic is natural, after all.
March 2, 2012 at 3:09 pm
At this point it’s sort of like trying to reclaim “gay” as not meaning homosexual. (“Organic” is pretty well gone too for non-chemists, though we do consume one totally inorganic food product very frequently: salt.)
March 2, 2012 at 4:49 pm
“Arsenic is natural” has been my go-to argument for yeares when confronted by those cupcakes who insist on “all-natural, no chemicals” in/of everything.
And “naturally flavored” doesn’t mean something is flavored with the fruit/vegetable/meat mentioned (Snapple is infamous for that) and not everything that’s in nature that’s edible is something that should be eaten.
March 2, 2012 at 10:48 am
April’s explanation of how much fuel and non-recyclable products are used to get that yarn to the seller had me giggling, but she missed one thing:
The seller’s favorite Rockin Green Femme Rock Soap (NOT made from male rocks!) is sold in a plastic bag or in a metal container with a plastic pump and cover:
http://rockingreensoap.com/
Hey, seller, that’s plastic that’s made from petroleum and which will NEVER DEGRADE IN OUR LIFETIME.
I don’t give a shit about the bottles being made from recycled plastic, it’s still plastic (like the keyboard I’m typing on, I know) and it never goes away. Until plastic is no longer manufactured (*pencils in “NEVER” on that one*), she’s a hypocrite.
/end of rant
March 2, 2012 at 10:50 am
Does this chick not realize that these will only work (if someone is crazy enough to use them) for only a couple of minutes? They won’t expand, as all other tampons do. I like to crochet, too, but crocheting these is just downright batshit crazy.
March 2, 2012 at 10:52 am
March 2, 2012 at 11:07 am
Who needs kitchens? I go to restaurants
March 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm
WHO NEEDS PLASTIC? I USE TUPPERWARE!
March 2, 2012 at 8:53 pm
His hot air makes the bus go? Or does he just take turns to help push the bus since it has no gas in it to make it go?
March 2, 2012 at 10:54 am
This is your most-est epic post ever…LOVE!
March 2, 2012 at 10:54 am
I refuse to use tampons made of South African bamboo yarn unless they’re covered in googly eyes made in Taiwan.
March 2, 2012 at 11:00 am
Once you throw out all of the packing materials I just sent you, you can really get down to the business of repairing the ecosphere! Because instead of being rid of your filthy tampon forever when you flush the toilet (which you would do at some point anyway), you have to put them in water and change it every day like a fucking koi.
Wait a minute Helen! You’re not flushing tampons are you? Has the world around me changed? I was basically warned that if I ever flushed a tampon the pipes in my house would explode and everyone in the neighborhood would know I was “dating Redd Foxx”. Are there flushable plugs now?
March 2, 2012 at 11:09 am
It depends on the age/size of your pipes. We can’t flush them in my house because it’s over 100 years old and our pipes are awful, but most places you can.
March 2, 2012 at 11:13 am
If I still used tampons, I would never flush one again after my FIL had to have a gentle talk with my DH about me not flushing. I’m still mortified and that was 10 years ago.
March 3, 2012 at 5:52 pm
Isn’t it awful? My mother used to tell me all the time to tell my friends not to flush them and I was like, “No. HELL no. I’m not having that conversation. Dad has a snake down the cellar if need be, nobody needs to hear anything.”
March 2, 2012 at 11:11 am
I should also mention the men in my family have been plumbers as far back as anyone can remember- tampons are only a problem in old buildings.
March 3, 2012 at 9:34 am
I’m actually surprised people do flush them… in Aus, only idiots do that. Sanitary bins in public bathrooms, hello?
Also, applicators, wtf? Fingers are good enough here.
March 2, 2012 at 11:09 am
I let April know about the little gem that we see here.I was on cafemom yesterday bidding my time before my evil spawns walked through the door and these crazy bitches over on CM where recommending to each other reusable plugs for there cooters!I had to let them know that it did not seem like a good idea to stick god knows what you know where,One woman told me that “I am the reason that there will be no planet for her children to grow in” so I promptly relied that she would be the reason her kids would not had a mother due to her sticking “a patchouli socked,cigar smelling,cat hair filled knitted tampon” up her already most likely smelly vag due to her uber hyper stance on soap and anything unnatural near her family…I understand mama cloths or even cloth diapers for babies but reusable tampons…
March 2, 2012 at 3:46 pm
Thanks for finding this and sending it to April AND for telling off earth mother! I hate people like that. She probably uses more non-recyclable, pollution-causing products than any three of us put together, but she’ll wave her biodegradable flag and think she’s the last great protector of the planet.
March 2, 2012 at 4:29 pm
No problem!I have been lurking around here too long.
March 3, 2012 at 6:11 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 3, 2012 at 8:43 pm
No… it was not central market,it was cafe mom and someone posted the link on a public forum recommending this product to a woman asking for information on a reusable product for her “crimson wave” NO ONE even mentioned the “Diva Cup”.I personally do not care on what any woman does to her vadg…But to stick something not medically sterile up their penis palace does not sound like it would have a good outcome.It is a forum that I have been a member of since 2007,the woman that accused me of being the reason for the future world collapse over a bacteria infested crotch missile was out of line and I just pointed out true facts.The woman in a prior post stated that her vagina has not been washed with soap in years and puts down any form of commercialized product and the people who use them all the time.”Diva Cups” are a reasonable choice,but a knitted cork that could of been created by someone who might not have washed their hands after they finger blasted themselves…No.
March 5, 2012 at 11:04 pm
Haha who boasts about not using soap? Also, “penis palace” = hilarious. But don’t tell my husband, he doesn’t need the encouragement.
March 2, 2012 at 11:38 am
The thought of sticking something knit from bamboo fiber, then soaked in tea tree oil into my hooha is enough to cause nightmares.
March 2, 2012 at 4:41 pm
Yarn made from bamboo can actually be quite soft (I’ve used it to make baby clothes). But yeah, this whole idea is just wrong. Any company trying to sell these would be in deep shit as soon as the infections/TSS started rolling in. But on Etsy, I guess it’s all good.
March 2, 2012 at 11:39 am
Hilarious. Period.
March 2, 2012 at 1:41 pm
I see what you did, there!
March 2, 2012 at 11:41 am
you forgot to mention the lengthy, entirely eco-unfriendly process that it takes to turn bamboo into yarn. It’s not that I have anything against bamboo yarn, but it’s not like they just cut down a stock and pre-dyed yarn falls out. Just don’t try to sell it to me as a more ecologically friendly version than say, wool or cotton.
The Making of Bamboo Yarn
March 2, 2012 at 12:17 pm
You beet me to it. I was about to post the steps. I get so annoyed when people try to pass it off as a “green” fiber. Its not and never will be “green”.
March 2, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Is bamboo paper processing horrible too? I have wondered how that compares to wood-pulp paper (if the processing footprint’s the same, bamboo has the advantage of growing back amazingly quickly).
March 2, 2012 at 11:44 am
I’ve already done my part in reducing my carbon footprint that’s far more effective than using reusable tampons made from imported bamboo. I went and got sterilized, thus eliminating thousands of future carbon footprints. I think I earned my disposable tampons.
March 2, 2012 at 12:19 pm
Perhaps you would consider selling/trading some of your vagina-carbon-credits to the selfish wombyn that can only think of their own aversion to toxic shock syndrome then?
March 2, 2012 at 2:42 pm
Well, I like your idea, so I’m now the proud owner of vaginacarboncredits.com. Whether I actually set up a vagina carbon credit trading business or go play on the internet is a whole other matter.
March 2, 2012 at 2:15 pm
I applaud your line of reasoning.
Instead of using environmentally unsound cleaning products in my home every week, I’ve decided I’m simply going to stop cleaning altogether unless I’m expecting company. Or CPS. This is what *I* call “natural living.”
So yeah, I think that’ll earn me my disposable period management tools.
March 2, 2012 at 3:31 pm
i do that anyway. “inlaws coming. time to shovel out the hallway.”
March 2, 2012 at 11:48 am
Got that itchy, burning feeling? Now you know why.
March 2, 2012 at 11:53 am
Shouldn’t it be “vaginaprint”?
March 2, 2012 at 3:01 pm
Or maybe “cootprint”.
March 3, 2012 at 9:30 am
They do not look very absorbent, either. I do not want to wake up in a pool of my own blood again, thank you very much.
March 2, 2012 at 12:09 pm
As a person working in the medical industry, I just want to thank this outrageous idiot for her vagtastically stupid idea. As long as there are idiots like this in the world, I will never have to fear losing my job. So plug it up with some nappy looking fuzz balls you soaked in Koala urine and bring that itchy snatch to your nearest ER or women’s clinic. What an amazing grass roots movement.
March 2, 2012 at 3:29 pm
bahahahahaha GOLD
March 2, 2012 at 6:13 pm
Is it worse than reusing sponges? I don’t use those, either, but I’m curious.
March 3, 2012 at 12:37 pm
I remember sponges were a big deal when I was a teenager. A bunch of women got horrible uterus-losing infections because the sponges were still full of bacteria from our loving mother ocean.
March 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm
As I looked through the images of this I honestly expected to see one of them used. In a way I’m relieved, but somehow I also feel cheated. If you’re going to have the balls to insinuate that other women shove this into themselves in what could be a very medically negligent manner, you’d better have proof that you’re confident enough in the product to be using it yourself.
March 2, 2012 at 3:17 pm
Maybe she has another Etsy shop where she sells products made with her menstrual fluid and doesn’t want to show any of the components before they’re combined into wombynly art.
March 3, 2012 at 5:31 am
Well, she’s missing a golden advertising opportunity here to tell potential buyers these double as a paint brush.
March 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm
I can just imagine those shooting out like bloodied bullets if I had one in and sneezed during shark week.
March 2, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Gonna add that to the list of things I’m not shoving up my twat.
March 8, 2012 at 5:30 am
There is a list?!?
March 2, 2012 at 2:47 pm
Hey, where’d all the guys go?
March 2, 2012 at 3:13 pm
We are all hiding over here in the corner cringing.
March 3, 2012 at 1:29 pm
Move over; most of us ladies want to do the same after seeing this thing.
March 2, 2012 at 2:51 pm
Should we tell the seller that the cotton tampon, the cotton string, and the cardboard applicator are all biodegradable? Or should we just let her go on about her merry, deluded, patchouli way?
March 2, 2012 at 3:03 pm
I am disappointed that Etsy had no search results for tampon composting. Surely this is just the sort of thing she’d like!
March 2, 2012 at 3:28 pm
Toxic – shock Syndrome anyone???????????
March 2, 2012 at 5:01 pm
For the thumbs down people- toxic shock syndrome is caused by dirty tampons that arent changed often enough. It can be fatal.
using tampons like thee knited ones is very likely to result in the same thing
March 2, 2012 at 10:46 pm
THIS. My first thought, upon encountering this post. Staph is not something with which to to fuck around.
March 2, 2012 at 3:29 pm
the thing about this shit is, who has the god damn TIME to wash out tampons?????? I mean who???? Isn’t there enough crap we have to do let alone this???
March 2, 2012 at 4:12 pm
I find diaper pails squicky enough, and one can make a case for the environmental impact of disposable v washables for diapers. Washing takes a lot of energy but disposable diapers are a bunch of space age whatever the fuck, so who know which is really more eco-friendly? Probably neither. But imagine a soaking tampon bucket. Oh, my God, ew. Get rid of the plastic applicator and they rot to nothing in any dump or water sanitation facility, you really don’t need to set up a home bacteria-culture production facility to save the earth from your packed cotton bajingo sticks.
March 2, 2012 at 3:30 pm
The idea of reusable tampons is just disgusting. Not only is it the thought of having to wash the bloody things, tampons sometimes come out on their own when you sit down on the toilet. Are you supposed to fish it out if it succumbs to gravity?
March 2, 2012 at 3:51 pm
Stanky.
March 2, 2012 at 4:19 pm
There’s a Pinerest button on the posts now. I just noticed this.
Who the hell would want to “pin” reusable tampons? Do they have a board of vagi-corks?
March 3, 2012 at 1:31 pm
Maybe some people have an OH HELL NO board.
March 2, 2012 at 4:51 pm
But they look like such *cute* little cotton sperms, aww . . .
March 2, 2012 at 5:19 pm
With every day I love April a little bit more.
March 2, 2012 at 5:56 pm
Fucking fucks, you mean this ISN’T a game of Etsy or Regretsy? No?
Fuck.
March 2, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Wow, that would be a shitty way to discover your bamboo allergy.
March 2, 2012 at 6:59 pm
And you know what? I do NOT want to see any “satisfied customer” photos. No. Not at all.
March 2, 2012 at 7:13 pm
My vagina footprint? Oh, about a nine-and-a-half wide, give or take a little.
I’d like to see these thing try to hold up what I would throw at them. No delicate-ass bamboo tampon is gonna cut it, I need a big, cottony man finger up in my dike. And even then they’re going to have to take turns every hour or so.
March 2, 2012 at 8:57 pm
So apparently it is, in fact, just me who saw the title first and thought it was going to be somebody doing prints of her hooha as artworks. Perhaps painting them up into amusing caricatures or something.
March 3, 2012 at 5:34 am
Considering the shit that’s sold on Regretsy, you can be forgiven for making an incorrect, but totally understandable assumption.
March 2, 2012 at 10:31 pm
Okay, I’m gonna be straight with you bitches; when I came upon this post, I was far, FAR too drunk to read all the comments. That notwithstanding, I assume I’m not the only one to say–
AAAAAAAUUUUUGHHHH! TSS! WTF! Don’t wanna die from vagina-staph!
These things terrify me.
Seriously, if you’re that into conservation, why the fuck haven’t you looked into menstrual cups!? They’re AWESOME, ethical, convenient, and–best of all–not widely available in the US!! So all those hipster fuckers can have the cred of buying something European that cuts out the Capitalist System, Maaaaan.
March 2, 2012 at 10:42 pm
“Rocking Green Princess Fairy Yoni Bubbles”
Tears…slobber…so funny…it hurts
March 3, 2012 at 9:44 am
Yes, this is disturbing, but there’s more where this came from.
you can also get them made from hemp.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/93918712/2-organic-anti-microbial-hemp?ref=pr_shop
Reselling seaweed with a 100% markup http://www.etsy.com/listing/92584408/10-sheets-sushi-nori-roasted-seaweed-for
and Tapioca pearls with a 1.25 markup
http://www.etsy.com/listing/92586752/rainbow-tapioca-pearls-use-to-make
And as a book lover, seeing that she cut up a depression-era hymnal makes me die a little in side.
March 3, 2012 at 10:02 am
HK’s use of the term “crotch rocket” reminded me of this clip of Japanese fuckery: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CDcQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dt8Nza8f0wlA&ei=MVtST933KeT40gGfw8zBDQ&usg=AFQjCNHklwVCC-tzS3CvNRPbqgtTpCqBhQ
March 3, 2012 at 3:27 pm
For anyone who’s having trouble finding “surfactants free detergent” at your local retailer: check near the dried water.
March 3, 2012 at 5:01 pm
Yes, all-natural dyes from South Africa. Filled with all-natural “flake white” lead-based paint.
Because, let’s face it, you’re probably immune already. You couldn’t get any stupider than sticking a hand-knit garment with ingredients from around the world up your carbon footprint.
March 3, 2012 at 6:56 pm
Tea tree oil up my vag????? Seriously??? No no no that is just wrong……..oh so wrong…..it makes my lady parts cringe just THINKING about it!!!!!
I am comfotable with my hoo-ha’s carbon footprint thank you very much.
March 4, 2012 at 1:43 pm
“If you are not washing them the same day…” If you use washable tampons, we cannot be friends. If you use washable tampons but are not washing them the same day and instead are just leaving them in some bowl and you have to change the water every day, I’m totally reporting you to the proper authorities because you’re fucking crazy.
March 4, 2012 at 8:38 pm
This is just plain bizarre. If you wanted to be environmentally friendly, buy a freakin Diva cup!!!!
March 5, 2012 at 12:07 am
Chlorine bleach isn’t the most delightful thing for the environment, but the chlorine evaporates within a day. Makes the whole unbleached tampon thing a bit silly.
March 12, 2012 at 10:21 pm
I just have one word: lint.
March 20, 2012 at 3:20 am
I use a diva cup (it’s freaking great, I work 12+ hour shifts, never have to worry about it). I use cloth toliet paper. I cloth diaper the kiddos. I’m that rare republican eco-freak. However I would not, under any circumstances, use these! There are some crazy peeps out there.
June 24, 2012 at 8:25 pm
But why shouldn’t I trust an etsy crafter with the health of my nether regions? I don’t know about you guys, but if VagoosRus tells me that crocheted, re-usable tampons won’t give me toxic shock syndrome, that’s good enough for me! This reminds me of the felted condoms I bought from KocksNbox–those things are great! AND reusable!
November 18, 2012 at 9:17 pm
“If you are not washing them that same day just change out the water and add new water daily until wash day.” So I’m supposed to leave a used tampon soaking in a glass of water on my bedside table like a set of false teeth?