Squirrel, Interrupted
So the other day I posted a link to this squirrel taxidermy:
And we all had a good laugh, and then went back to drinking ourselves to death.
But then I started thinking, which is never a good sign. Could there be more taxidermy squirrels on Ebay? And mightn’t they also be doing strange things?
It turns out the answer is not only yes, but hell yes. Stuffed squirrels doing weird shit is apparently a cottage industry, and I’m just sorry I found out about it after I decorated the living room.
In any case, here are some of my favorites. Click the images to go to the auctions, but don’t outbid me or we’re going to have words.
DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE SQUIRREL
SQUIRREL IN A TOP HAT
SQUIRREL READING THE PAPER
SQUIRREL ON A HORSE
SQUIRREL FISHING
SQUIRREL ON A HONDA
SQUIRREL WITH GUNS
DELIVERANCE SQUIRREL
BONUS:
CHIPMUNK IN A CANOE
February 29, 2012 at 10:03 am
Ugh, if only there was a way to get over my squeamishness at having dead animals in the house. These are adorable!
I have one suggestion for the taxidermists, though…. squirrel goatse. Yeah, I said it. You know you want to see it now!!!
February 29, 2012 at 10:07 am
See it? I want to own it!
March 1, 2012 at 12:03 pm
Own it ? I want to live it !
February 29, 2012 at 10:36 am
Yeah…I’m a cross between being mortified and delighted. I’m not sure about the squirrel goatse…but I have this morbid fascination now in wanting to see it.
Look away, but I can’t…I need to see it. The squirrels in the hats confuse me more than anything…want to like it, do like it but don’t like it.
I’m developing another psychological disorder because of this post.
February 29, 2012 at 1:22 pm
Get me the supplies and I’ll do it for free.
email me at wildcat4413@yahoo.com
If I thought I could do it I would modify one of the three squirrel mounts I own but two of them are too old and are probably full of sawdust, and the one I made in school I’m too attached to.
February 29, 2012 at 2:36 pm
Oh, baby. What sorts of supplies do you need? If I can swing any part of the contribution, I will. This could well be the Regretsy charity auction item to end all Regretsy charity auction items. And possibly auctions in general, and very likely charity itself. Small price to pay, really.
March 3, 2012 at 1:58 pm
February 29, 2012 at 10:03 am
All in favor of electing the Squirrel with Guns as this year’s Regretsy mascot, say Aye!
February 29, 2012 at 10:05 am
No. Squirrel with a gun, in a top hat.
February 29, 2012 at 11:07 am
Only if he also has a monocle and an octopus necklace.
February 29, 2012 at 3:23 pm
SQUIRRELPUNK!
February 29, 2012 at 8:50 pm
Just add mustache.
February 29, 2012 at 7:07 pm
He has such an expression of insouciance. I love him.
February 29, 2012 at 10:32 am
And can the motto be, “Shooting down Etsy crap, one nut at a time”?
February 29, 2012 at 11:40 am
BUSTING NUTS, REGRETSY STYLE!
February 29, 2012 at 10:03 am
But I want “Owl with a Towel”!
February 29, 2012 at 10:04 am
None of these examples feature my desired level of Squirrel Ball Exposure.
I refuse to decorate with dead squirrels unless their tiny sacks are on display, for I was raised with class.
February 29, 2012 at 10:32 am
The Squirrel with a Gun would be fine for you, then. His balls are so small that they’re lost in his fur. Which is why his gun is so big.
February 29, 2012 at 10:40 am
would not be fine for you
Derp.
February 29, 2012 at 10:33 am
Um, check out Squirrel Reading Paper. I don’t think that is his tail he’s sitting on. Those are his big furry squirrel cohones.
February 29, 2012 at 10:35 am
I say. You may be correct. I thought that was just the unique coloration of his “private area”, but it is possible that those are wee squirrel nards.
I wonder if that’s a creepy thing to message the seller about. “HI ARE THOSE HIS BALLS OR JUST A DARK PATCH IN THE CROTCH, MUST KNOW, THIS AFFECTS MY PURCHASE THANKS.”
February 29, 2012 at 11:09 am
I think you MUST message the seller with that question in all caps.
February 29, 2012 at 11:25 am
I really don’t want to out myself on exactly HOW I know that is his ballsack, but I’m pretty sure it is.
February 29, 2012 at 2:16 pm
OR… you could buy this:
Yes, that is a taxidermy squirrel scrotum with googly eyes.
…yes, I finally registered just to post it.
February 29, 2012 at 4:01 pm
Spectacular debut, Tree Huggies!
*claps
February 29, 2012 at 4:55 pm
I can just imagine my cats batting that around the house. “Is that a toy mouse she’s playing with?”
“No, actually it’s a squirrel nutsack.”
February 29, 2012 at 3:25 pm
Squirrel Reading Paper needs to be mounted on a toilet coffee cup.
February 29, 2012 at 10:38 am
I see your squirrel sack, and raise you one chipmunk choad.
February 29, 2012 at 2:40 pm
nuts to you:
February 29, 2012 at 7:04 pm
Oh my god I just noticed your name! My dad told us about that show, which he watched in high school or college for laughs, so last year my brother and I got him a DVD for his birthday. Now THAT is some quality fuckery! *singing* Lance Link! Secret chimp!
February 29, 2012 at 10:04 am
CLEARLY THIS LINK HAS FINALLY FOUND A GOOD HOME: http://www.jky.net/albums/gopher-museum_index.html
February 29, 2012 at 10:10 am
I need more thumbs!!! That must be one of those rare occasions when somebody came up with an idea while stoned, then actually went through with it.
February 29, 2012 at 11:43 am
The best part is the spelling/grammar error in the one with the pun that I didn’t quite get: “I hope I’m not being TO tackful” Is it supposed to sound like “tactful”? Why wouldn’t you want to be tactful?
February 29, 2012 at 11:46 am
OH! It’s like the guy from Dinner with Schmucks. But with gophers. It makes me want to go “Awww!” and “Ewww!” equally.
March 1, 2012 at 9:22 am
I has the same thought. “It’s a terrible movie come to life! NOOOOO!!!!!”
February 29, 2012 at 11:49 am
Oh wow. On the other end of the posing dead animals in human poses spectrum, I offer you Loved to Death, a store here in SF. Regretsians here or visiting are highly encouraged to visit.
http://www.lovedtodeath.net/
February 29, 2012 at 12:42 pm
“There is a meat case featuring all handmade meat …”
The mind boggles.
February 29, 2012 at 2:46 pm
Dear god, some things cannot be unseen.
February 29, 2012 at 11:53 am
I’ve been there!
And awesomely enough, it’s not the most ridiculous museum in the region. This place is about an hour away: http://www.bvcsm.com/
February 29, 2012 at 1:58 pm
I think I lost 10 IQ points browsing that site.
February 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm
It’s okay. You can probably spare them. The people there clearly need them more than you do. Personally, I couldn’t get past the “…refute the lie of evolution” portion on the front page. I give you immense credit for having the stomach to “browse”
March 1, 2012 at 5:52 am
The quote, “I spent more time in this museum than I did in the Smithsonian,” makes me want to bang my head on something.
February 29, 2012 at 3:34 pm
I could never respect a museum that spurned national surveys.
February 29, 2012 at 1:56 pm
Oh, wow. That was even better than Penguin, Cooee and Doo Town, Tasmania.
February 29, 2012 at 6:26 pm
Clearly, there is not much to do in Torrington, Alberta. Well, besides stuffing gophers and dressing them up for little minstrel shows. Beats growing canola, I guess.
February 29, 2012 at 6:33 pm
“Durn tootin’!”
Eee-yup.
February 29, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Forget Finland, Helen needs to come to Canada.
March 2, 2012 at 3:07 pm
In Madison, WI, there used to be a crazy squirrel museum under a funeral parlor. It was a condition of ownership of the building to allow the museum to be open to the public. (I missed going while it was open…)
http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/2247
Apparently the funeral parlor people would sigh regrettably when someone would ask to go see the exhibits, reluctantly showing them the way to the basement…
March 4, 2012 at 1:18 pm
A friend of mine went there last month and poster pictures on her facebook. I think the best thing about it is the hand written speech balloons in some of the set ups.
http://www.canada.com/travel/Photo+Gallery+Alberta+beloved+Gopher+Museum/3369444/story.html
March 4, 2012 at 6:42 pm
I went there, I like the two dollar admission
February 29, 2012 at 10:01 pm
What is it about these places that they never seem to know a decent cartoonist?
February 29, 2012 at 10:44 pm
After viewing that site, I literally no longer have any idea of how to live my life.
Clearly, my priorities have been all wrong.
February 29, 2012 at 10:04 am
I’m going to own up to something.
I bought a taxidermy owl riding a Vespa scooter for my brother-in-law. It was at a carboot sale, wine was flowing, his birthday was looming. Giggles were had.
Except for The Vegan Aunt, she was a bit pissed off.
February 29, 2012 at 10:05 am
Pics, or it didn’t happen.
February 29, 2012 at 10:05 am
I am going to make sadfaces at my SO until he lets me buy the Wild West squirrel.
“There are two kinds of squirrels in the world, my friend: Those with a rope around the neck, and the squirrels who have the job of doing the gnawing.”
February 29, 2012 at 10:05 am
If that’s Chip in a canoe, I’d hate to see where Dale ended up.
February 29, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Chip y canoe y Tyler too?
February 29, 2012 at 10:07 am
One of my faaaaavorite book series features Cool People that ride white horses with blue eyes.
I want the squirrel on the horse. I will name him Squanyel.
February 29, 2012 at 9:54 pm
It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who likes the book series featuring cool people who ride white horses with blue eyes.
March 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm
Mercedes would be the first to tell you that it’s not a horse. It’s a Companion!
February 29, 2012 at 10:07 am
where do they get all these dead squirrels?
February 29, 2012 at 10:33 am
Roadkill!
February 29, 2012 at 2:47 pm
Alien squirrel abduction
February 29, 2012 at 3:17 pm
That will only be one of the questions our future squirrel overlords will be asking.
February 29, 2012 at 4:27 pm
I always wondered why the old man who used to live behind my mom’s house constantly left a live trap for squirrels out. He caught quite a few. I guess this could be the reason.
February 29, 2012 at 4:58 pm
If they want dead possums, we’ve had a sudden increase lately.
February 29, 2012 at 10:08 am
You’d better put these up high somewhere, or the dogs will have a field day.
February 29, 2012 at 11:06 am
My thoughts exactly! I imagined my living room decorated with dead squirrels — and then imagined the dog destruction that would occur 2.5 seconds later.
February 29, 2012 at 10:09 am
I personally would like to see some more roadkill couture.
February 29, 2012 at 10:09 am
Why is the squirrel in a canoe paddling on grass?
February 29, 2012 at 10:12 am
It is a fool who searches for logic in the idiom of decorative squirrel taxidermy. These sculptures were clearly inspired by pure passion.
February 29, 2012 at 10:24 am
Because it’s a chipmunk.
February 29, 2012 at 3:56 pm
Chipmunk is also known as “ground squirrel” around these parts.
February 29, 2012 at 6:25 pm
Oh crap… I read that as chimpunk… like a steampunk chipmunk.
And now I can’t stop imagining a steampunk chipmunk.
February 29, 2012 at 10:27 am
It’s a chipmunk, that’s why.
February 29, 2012 at 10:09 am
Squirrels were fine, I endorsed that wholeheartedly. But the Chipmunk? Now that’s just offensive and distasteful. Everyone knows Chipmunks don’t like water sports.
February 29, 2012 at 10:38 am
I was thinking the same thing. And, that chipmunk thing is pretty racist.
February 29, 2012 at 3:21 pm
I must respectfully disagree, the chipmunks that obsessively dug up my crocus bulbs all smelled like piss. Clear, irrefutable evidence that they were water sports enthusiasts. In addition to being miserable little fuckers.
February 29, 2012 at 10:10 am
If you add tiny goggles to the squirrel in the top hat would he classify as Steampunk?
March 1, 2012 at 5:20 pm
Only if you glued a watch gear to his… nuts.
February 29, 2012 at 10:11 am
The fishing squirrel bares a striking resemblance to Dale on the Walking Dead TV series …..
February 29, 2012 at 10:13 am
I think it’s the judgmental eyes.
STOP JUDGING ME, SQUIRREL!
February 29, 2012 at 10:32 am
Holy Gnomes on toast!! You are exactly right.
STOP JUDGING ME, DALE SQUIRREL!!!!
February 29, 2012 at 10:12 am
It’s good to see that Janitor is keeping busy since Scrubs went off the air.
“Everybody, this is Kyle. Kyle this is everybody.”
February 29, 2012 at 8:40 pm
Immediately thought of this too….if only I had the storage space available in my house and I could convince my husband that we need a collection of stuffed squirrels.
However, we do have a mounted bear head that currently resides in the laundry room.
February 29, 2012 at 10:12 am
My husband has been threatening for years to put a deer mount in the family room. Only my luck and his questionable archery skills have kept that from happening.
I’m just enough carnivore to eat meat and just enough bunny hugger to not want dead animal eyes staring at me while I play Words with Friends.
With this in mind, should my “Run, Deer! Run!” dance fail me during hunting season, I’m getting a chipmunk in a canoe to counteract it. I have to put up with his shit, he has to put up with mine. THAT’S what makes a sound marriage. It sets the kids up for the need for life long therapy…but, you can’t win ‘em all.
February 29, 2012 at 10:36 am
No, you should decorate his deer mount for Christmas. It’s a holiday tradition in my family, and after a couple of decades, Dad quit rolling his eyes.
Head and shoulder mounts look quite festive festooned with garland and strung with lights.
February 29, 2012 at 11:26 am
Yup. We had a stuffed javelina head in the house growing up, and every Christmas we hung candy canes from its tusks.
February 29, 2012 at 11:52 am
Yep, I bought Santa hats for all of my boyfriend’s deer mounts this past holiday. Next year I need to find smaller reindeer horns for the mounted ducks.
March 1, 2012 at 12:41 pm
In college, my roomates and I mounted a deer head on the wall and would dress it up different each month. Examples: Miss Cleo Deer (with a turban), Deer Slut (with red lips, a wig, KY Jelly, condoms and a bra)..you get the picture.
February 29, 2012 at 10:12 am
That squirrel on a horse is PERFECT for my little niece! Thanks, Regretsy!
February 29, 2012 at 1:59 pm
…and it would be even better if you upcycled it to a glitter unicorn!
February 29, 2012 at 5:23 pm
glue, glitter and a horn can be added later….no problemo
February 29, 2012 at 10:12 am
I think I know why all the red squirrels are going missing……
February 29, 2012 at 10:44 am
LOVE your screen name!
/grammar nerd
February 29, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Needs a hyphen.
/punctuation fascist
February 29, 2012 at 1:12 pm
I noticed, really I did, but I just didn’t say anything. I don’t know why.
*hangs head, embarrassed*
February 29, 2012 at 2:00 pm
Ill Advised Apostrophe meets Misplaced H’yphen?
February 29, 2012 at 10:13 am
WHY was I not aware of these before I decorated the baby’s room?
February 29, 2012 at 4:52 pm
Because your kid would’ve ended up like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Nn0UkdDArM
February 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm
I am now going to read every instance of “squirrel” in this post the way that little girl says it.
February 29, 2012 at 10:14 am
I always wanted that fish in a squirrel suit. *sigh* Damnable lack of money. These just don’t have the same feel… but I still want them.
February 29, 2012 at 10:29 am
Poor Erl. He’s in everybody’s favorites, but still no forever home.
February 29, 2012 at 10:14 am
I would put Deliverance Squirrel right next to my taxidermy frog with a banjo, and then make the “Duelling Banjos” song noises ALL DAY LONG.
February 29, 2012 at 11:04 am
I can’t be the only one who read that as “Duelling Bajingos”
February 29, 2012 at 11:12 am
Trust me, you are not.
February 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm
These dueling bajingos, where can I go see them?
March 1, 2012 at 11:34 am
You gotta buy the DVD.
February 29, 2012 at 10:15 am
I want to laugh at this ridiculousness but I like squirrels, the live adorable version, too much. This just makes me sad. And a little sick. Ew.
February 29, 2012 at 10:23 am
I’m with you. I watch the little critters in my backyard every chance I get. It’s pretty ingenious how they steal the bird food from our hanging feeder, I just can’t get mad at them for it.
February 29, 2012 at 10:52 am
May I suggest getting the Squirrel Buster bird feeder? (And no, I do not work for them!) You can get it at Lee Valley. I’ve had many moments of hilarity watching them launch themselves off my window ledges to attempt the “smash-and-grab”. The look like little, furry trapeze artists.
February 29, 2012 at 11:46 am
the bird food I’m OK with. It’s when they climb my tomato plants and pull the ripe ones off and run away with them MINUTES before I was going to pick them for dinner is when war were declared.
February 29, 2012 at 2:48 pm
I finally got so pissed off with the squirrels that kept digging up every goddamned bulb and seedling I’d plant that I planted catnip all the fuck over the place. The little assholes may still steal my shit from time to time, but now they have to work for it thanks to all the cats hanging out near my flowerbeds. Fucking squirrels.
March 1, 2012 at 2:18 am
If you are waging a war of wits with a squirrel, you may want to study this:
http://www.myspace.com/video/vid/105826147#pm_cmp=vid_OEV_P_P
February 29, 2012 at 10:54 am
I think you would change your love of flying rodents if one climbed in through the sunroof of your car to eat the chex mix of cheerios, etc. that your kids leave all over, only to be discovered as you drive into traffic- the “fftt, fftt, fftt” of it’s teeth making that horrid noise, slam on the brakes, open every door of your car and run for your life….
February 29, 2012 at 11:35 am
In the spirit of that story, I offer you this: http://www.vtwinmama.com/demonic_squirrel_riding_story.htm and also this one: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/115/first-day (scroll down to “Squirrel cop”)
February 29, 2012 at 12:04 pm
My all-time favorite This American Life story! The fact that the cop has such a deep, sexy voice makes it all the funnier. Just reading the words “squirrel cop” makes me break out in insane giggles. I’ve sent a link to countless people with “Trust me: You have GOT to listen to this!”
February 29, 2012 at 12:51 pm
I literally had to stop reading in medias res to take a potty break before I could continue. Also had to wipe my eyes and stuff a sock down my throat since I don’t have an office door and I was afraid TPTB would hear me snorting.
February 29, 2012 at 12:55 pm
My ex, very seriously and with the best intentions in the world, made me read the Demon Squirrel Biker Story before I bought my first helmet, in an attempt to talk me out of a full-face.
Years later, poetic justice took place when he laid his bike down hard rather than run over a small dog that ran out in front of him (just like the squirrel in the story). As he lay there oozing blood from knee and elbow road rash, trying to get to the kill switch on his — yes! — Valkyrie, the dog trotted over to him, licked his wounds, and then proceeded to bathe his face, including his split lip, in doggy spit mingled with his own blood.
It happened a block from home, on his way to work, on the main route out of the neighborhood. Now that dog trots alongside him, pacing him, every day — and it sometimes runs across the road in front of him. Back and forth, two or three times. Looking at him.
It’s not the squirrels you have to watch for. It’s the Poms with a taste for human blood.
February 29, 2012 at 10:16 am
That’s it, I need to learn taxidermy. Either that or buy them all and open a dead squirrel museum.
February 29, 2012 at 2:58 pm
I posted it way down at the bottom but I thought I’d share this with you specifically…. Taxidermy class!!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2107482/Taxidermy-class-teaches-students-stuff-dead-mice-pose-humans.html
February 29, 2012 at 10:19 am
This topic keeps making me wish this would happen for realsies:
February 29, 2012 at 12:15 pm
Why is Ben Franklin flying his kite indoors?
February 29, 2012 at 1:51 pm
Why not?
February 29, 2012 at 2:50 pm
The bastards always forget John Adams.
February 29, 2012 at 5:04 pm
Good God, tey should consider themselves fortunate that they have John Adams to abuse, for no sane man would tolerate it!!!
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CDcQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DDqAdlkJDt7k&ei=K8lOT_yfB-LL0QH4zu3qAg&usg=AFQjCNG9cdZq37UaQU-lluMgf7AcsEogQg
God that musical has great lines… many of which were actually said by the founding fathers.
February 29, 2012 at 5:15 pm
Including the part of this clip about the history books, which goes nicely with hypocrates’s statement. Adam’s monologue was actually from a letter written by Adams, although the writer added the horse to make it funnier. Also, Martha Jefferson wasn’t actually in Philadelphia, but the sexual innuendo her presence brings to the show is great.
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=4&ved=0CEAQtwIwAw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DX7tFx3ijD7Y&ei=Q8tOT6f2Barj0QGGosnzAg&usg=AFQjCNGBqjeHqPbCirodUc-SmPbPKaMI_A
February 29, 2012 at 10:19 am
I’m torn. My love of squirrels is a hair’s breadth from being considered a mental illness, but I’m not afraid to say that I love them most when they’re alive, scampering nude in the wild. On the other hand, I do get a thrill from Sugarbushsquirrel.com, the patriotic hyper conservative model squirrel that took the internet by storm years ago although his politics are distasteful to me.
I guess I just hope these squirrels died of natural causes after a long and happy life, rather than get shot by grampa’s bb gun so maw could make a tree topper or whathaveyou.
February 29, 2012 at 10:19 am
Omg, these are fucking disturbing. I’m glad I married a computer geek and not a hunter. I just couldn’t live with dead animals in my house. On a side note though, the chipmunk in a canoe is kinda cute.
February 29, 2012 at 12:57 pm
Dead computers smell a lot better, and the parts aren’t as stomach-turning come dinner time.
February 29, 2012 at 3:10 pm
The key is to not let the magic blue smoke out of the box. If the magic blue smoke gets out the computer won’t run any more.
February 29, 2012 at 3:34 pm
Unless you blow more in. That’s why so many IT-types are smokers.
Also, nicotine prevents homicides.
March 1, 2012 at 12:57 pm
Yes, magic blue smoke bad. Had the smoke escape from mine one time. After a loud pop and a burnt bacon smell the pc didn’t turn back on
February 29, 2012 at 10:21 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 29, 2012 at 10:42 am
Oh man…blatant disregard for the rules.
And, everything exists. Even if it doesn’t exist here on earth, it exists somewhere.
February 29, 2012 at 12:19 pm
It’s only against the rules if they just threw up a little. Big cascades of vomit are okey-dokey.
February 29, 2012 at 3:44 pm
You obviously don’t check Facebook and haven’t seen the vomit pa– I mean “banana split bowl” available through Etsy. You could throw up more than a little in that.
February 29, 2012 at 10:25 am
I like both squirrels with guns and I have a particular affinity for the banjo.
This reminds me of when my uncle (who is a small town taxidermist) was approached by 3 young boys who asked him to taxidermify this squirrel they “found”. My uncle said he could probably do it for $20 for them. They had a brief conference, and then asked him how much for just a “head mount”. That he did for $5.
February 29, 2012 at 10:26 am
I would bid on Squirrel Reading the Paper only if he was sitting on a tiny toilet doing so. Squirrel with guns and smoking I am watching…..
February 29, 2012 at 10:26 am
There’s a bunch of squirrels at this pawn shop my room-mate works at. I’ll have to see if the owner will separate with the squirrels at a cut rate if I’ll send them to Helen. My favorite is one holding a tiny M16 and has a little helmet with the net thing on it.
February 29, 2012 at 3:40 pm
Where is this pawn shop you speak ok?
February 29, 2012 at 10:29 am
“SQUIRREL READING THE PAPER” needs to be sitting on a toilet.
February 29, 2012 at 10:46 am
*highfives OriginalsbyJeanene*
February 29, 2012 at 12:11 pm
lol. I was telling my non-computer using mother about these. She spit out her coffee over the missing toilet.
And she thinks my kitty ear hats are weird!
February 29, 2012 at 12:58 pm
There is NOTHING AT ALL WRONG WITH KITTY-EAR HATS.
Neko-mimi moudo, ne?
February 29, 2012 at 4:50 pm
I agree with you. She just does not understand such things. You should have seen the look on her face over my lace thong panty quilt! (She is in her 70′s, but she’s been married to my dad for 54 years, and he is worse than I am!)
February 29, 2012 at 5:18 pm
Nice Tsukuyomi/Moon Phase reference.
February 29, 2012 at 3:47 pm
*highfives OriginalsbyJeanene, lemon bombs, and the dozen other people who no doubt posted this notion before i did*
February 29, 2012 at 5:40 pm
Great minds…they think about dead squirrels on the can.
February 29, 2012 at 3:52 pm
Where is his tail, I wonder?
February 29, 2012 at 5:25 pm
He’s sh…sitting on it
February 29, 2012 at 5:38 pm
*rimshot*
February 29, 2012 at 10:32 am
I really couldn’t help myself. The squirrel from the original post haunts me.
February 29, 2012 at 2:52 pm
Past the point of no return.
February 29, 2012 at 10:32 am
Someone needs to make a stuffed squirrel with a monacle and mustache.
February 29, 2012 at 10:47 am
And a walking stick. Don’t forget the walking stick!
February 29, 2012 at 10:54 am
Ah yes, how could I have forgotten the walking stick? For shame!
February 29, 2012 at 12:21 pm
How about a squirrel dressed as Petja?
Removeable head with USB drive optional.
February 29, 2012 at 10:32 am
You missed my favorite
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Squirrel-Mount-Gray-Squirrel-Taxidermy-Hunting-Cabin-/150767674976?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item231a742660#ht_872wt_1413
February 29, 2012 at 10:35 am
Yeah, I know I’m nit-picking here but the squirrel on the motorcycle, that’s a Harley not a Honda.
February 29, 2012 at 3:50 pm
That’s not nit-picking. Calling a Hawg a Honda around here will get your ass glued to a trash-can lid and tossed down a grassy hill.
February 29, 2012 at 10:36 am
Nick’s Sportshop in Palmer MA had boxing squirrels, in shorts w/ gloves in a little ring for decades. Always loved that.
Love the phrase “we’ll have words” too!
February 29, 2012 at 10:37 am
Check out the biker squirrel with an acorn helmet!
February 29, 2012 at 10:38 am
I want this!
http://www.ebay.com/itm/taxidermy-two-headed-freak-duckling-mounted-case-/270924549351?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3f145c8ce7
February 29, 2012 at 10:46 am
Apparently, two-headed birds is a thing as well.
February 29, 2012 at 11:02 am
As are serial killer ducklings…
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http://www.ebay.com/itm/Taxidermy-Duckling-Quack-Ripper-Savage-Little-Guy-/350542100451?pt=UK_Collectables_AnimalCollectables_SM&hash=item519deff7e3#ht_500wt_1203
February 29, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Note to self – no drinking coffee while reading this site!
I just don’t know about this one. I can’t tell if I am laughing or crying. It’s just so very wrong that it’s right.
February 29, 2012 at 12:22 pm
I can’t begin to say how badly I want this!! Oh and the squirrel on the horse too. If only it was a My Little Pony:):):)
February 29, 2012 at 10:38 am
Someone needs to make a hipster squirrel, with mustache and sad sleeve garment, and a steampunk squirrel.
February 29, 2012 at 10:41 am
He’s already got the hairy armpits.
February 29, 2012 at 10:46 am
That’d be Dirty Hippie Squirrel.
February 29, 2012 at 10:42 am
I once included Vitré, France on a vacation itinerary mostly so I could see their 19th century collection of taxidermied frogs dancing, playing tennis, having swordfights, etc. They reside in the chateau there.
February 29, 2012 at 11:15 am
OMG! these are great. And I must confess, as a wildlife biology student, taking mammalogy class, we had to learn to make museum mounts, and stuff mammals for the class. As an added bonus, I found a pair of roadkill squirrels, dressed them in ball gown and tux, and mounted them dancing. Freaked hubby out. I had to hide them until I presented them, boxed and wrapped, to my professor. They still adorn his lab.
February 29, 2012 at 11:31 am
I believe I now worship you. Husband had to do same for his zoology class, so he used a chipmunk. Rigor Mortis rode Husband’s mortarboard during graduation.
We lost him somewhere…haven’t seen the little bastard for years.
February 29, 2012 at 10:48 am
I was in Northern Wisconsin one time, walking in the Chequamegon National Forest, when a squirrel in a top hat asked me if I had seen a chipmunk in a kayak. I told him that I hadn’t seen a chipmunk, but I did see a gopher playing a banjo, while a raccoon danced a jig. The squirrel called me a crazy mother fucker as he walked away. But the joke was on him, the chipmunk was in a canoe. Best damn mushroom hunting experience in my life.
February 29, 2012 at 10:50 am
A Petja-squirrel. Someone please make this happen.
February 29, 2012 at 10:51 am
The frogs appear to be starting their own bizarre little band:
They are in this seller’s shop (because I’m too lazy to format a link to the images):
http://www.ebay.com/sch/pandg2/m.html?hash=item231a6f7a29&item=150767368745&pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&_trksid=p4340.l2562
February 29, 2012 at 10:57 am
I can’t seem to get the image link, but here’s a turtle playing a bass, to add to the amphibian band.
http://www.ebay.com/itm/VINTAGE-TURTLE-MOUNT-PLAYING-BASS-FIDDLE-CELLO-TAXIDERMY-/230754175600?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item35ba054a70#ht_1426wt_954
February 29, 2012 at 10:51 am
http://www.etsy.com/listing/93353275/punk-rock-squirrel-real-animal-novelty
Bringing it back to etsy, for which I apologize, but I just found this squirrel the other day and I WANT IT SO BAD
February 29, 2012 at 11:00 am
It’s MADE TO ORDER. It’s fantastic, but I’m just picturing the made-to-order process: Receive payment, go get in car, drive around in the park until you hit a squirrel….
February 29, 2012 at 11:08 am
well, she does allow 12 weeks. In that amount of time, you’re bound to hit one.
February 29, 2012 at 11:18 am
I love the simplicity of this one:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/93353682/squirrel-trophy-head-real-animal-rogue?ref=v1_other_1
It would be so much fun to just hang it up and see who notices (besides my dogs)
February 29, 2012 at 12:29 pm
It’s beautiful and not too creepy. But even if your dogs don’t notice it, you’ll forever have to remember to spell out S-Q-U-I-R-R-E-L in conversation.
February 29, 2012 at 11:11 am
Oh! I love in tme town that is home to the “World Famous” gopher museum (Torrington)! It is truly a sight to behold, both horrifying and ever fascinating! Glorious fuckery!
February 29, 2012 at 11:13 am
Ok, so now I know what I’ll be getting my parents for Christmas every year forever.
I can’t wait to watch their squirrel army slowly take over their house.
February 29, 2012 at 11:13 am
http://www.ebay.com/itm/COOL-UNIQUE-CHIPMUNK-IN-CANOE-TAXIDERMY-MOUNT-TRAP-SQUIRREL-FISHING-BOAT-ART-/220951038181?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3371b548e5
Well – I know what my dad is getting for his birthday now. He LOVES chipmunks. Really. He has a whole gathering of them that come up to his back deck for peanuts in the spring. They sit and “chatter” so freaking cute.
February 29, 2012 at 11:17 am
Live. Live in the town. Damn autocorrect. But I suppose if you wanted to get technical, I do some fabulous loving there, too.
February 29, 2012 at 11:18 am
squirrels on motorbikes is my favorite form of taxidermy. possibly even my favorite form of whimsicle fuckery.
February 29, 2012 at 11:26 am
Oh my, this is absolutely perfect.
I have a friend who found his own little delightful taxidermied friend at an estate sale. Now the little guy has a place of honor in the living room, next to a hanging butcher’s cleaver from the same sale.
February 29, 2012 at 11:36 am
Story time:
My husband is from a small village in Quebec. Growing up, there was this guy across the lane who took all matter of roadkill to practice his taxidermy on. When the old guy passed away, all the kids in town got their pick of his collection. My then 8yr old husband passed on beautiful foxes and sleek bobcats to choose a dusty, old skunk. Why? He had a plan:
He fixed the skunk to the top of his remote control truck and proceeded to terrorize the town with random skunk attacks. Some twitchy neighbor called the RCMP and they escorted my Freddy back home with his skunk-truck.
We have it on our mantle.
February 29, 2012 at 11:41 am
Huh. A few of these are UK sellers. The grey squirrel was imported to the UK as a Victorian novelty and has since run rampant. The little bastards are on the list of the 100 worst invasive species globally. Right beside the red eared slider in FL. Those fuckers are everywhere.
I hope to see a red eared slider playing shuffleboard. That’s some taxidermy I NEED.
February 29, 2012 at 11:49 am
Helen, are you planning a collection of these things to vie for the beater model cars?
February 29, 2012 at 11:56 am
I just have regular old stuffed wolverine not doing anything but being a dead wolverine, just standing there all awkward and dead.
February 29, 2012 at 12:00 pm
I sure do hope that canoeing chipmunk knows to paddle a tad bit faster when he sees the deliverance squirrel.
February 29, 2012 at 12:02 pm
You haven’t seen nuthin’ ’til you’ve experienced http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/
It’s crazy…
& full of awesome.
February 29, 2012 at 12:03 pm
there’s a thin line between fuckery and art …
sadly one can only afford the squirrels but not this:
http://pollymorgan.co.uk/
February 29, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Reminds me of this composite I did awhile back:
Fox Mulder and Dana Squirrely
March 1, 2012 at 12:59 pm
For “Dana” you use a squirrel, and for “Fox” you use… Duchovny?
There is no justice.
(Brilliant nonetheless.)
February 29, 2012 at 12:47 pm
If someone else beat me to it I apologize but I saw this yesterday on Stumbleupon and it seems fitting- It’s a taxidermy class where you work with mice and put them in awesome poses!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2107482/Taxidermy-class-teaches-students-stuff-dead-mice-pose-humans.html
February 29, 2012 at 1:43 pm
Didn’t George Harrison expose this type of fuckery years ago with this “I’ve Got My Mind Set On You” video?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_niy2ZM5Jo
March 1, 2012 at 9:03 am
This video traumatized me as a child!
February 29, 2012 at 2:46 pm
This is something straight out of Dinner For Schmucks.
And I was disturbed enough when I thought it was a made up hobby…
February 29, 2012 at 3:21 pm
WTF?! No gerbil in a bundt cake?!
February 29, 2012 at 3:54 pm
Somebody please thumbs-up Postmenopaws for me? I hit down by mistake! (Sorry, Postmenopaws!)
February 29, 2012 at 3:43 pm
Makes me want to buy them all for my PETA and Vegan friends.
February 29, 2012 at 4:01 pm
Seriously fabulous items. Kinda makes “Cowboy Squirrel Flashing His Nuts” look like he’s trying a little too hard.
Heh heh… “hard”…
February 29, 2012 at 5:06 pm
I want all of these in my life…
February 29, 2012 at 5:16 pm
I came down here to make sure that Ms. April knows about The Bloggess (http://thebloggess.com/) and her obsession with taxidermy, but went off to get the link to the Juanita post, and lo and behold, what do I find?
The Bloggess’s post about taxidermied squirrels and April. I’m not even kidding.
February 29, 2012 at 5:30 pm
Hey, I think I found the source for most of these!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfgELYaSYhM
…We need to buy those now.
February 29, 2012 at 5:56 pm
tax return time makes me dangerous. must…have…canoeing…chipmunk.
February 29, 2012 at 6:19 pm
I’ve got a squirrel fur in a box ready to be mounted. In the spirit of bad crafts, what should this squirrel be doing? I want to make regretsy proud.
February 29, 2012 at 9:40 pm
Making glittery crafts with acorn shells.
March 1, 2012 at 3:09 am
Actually, photographing them on tiny planks of barn wood.
March 2, 2012 at 11:30 am
Send it to the person who offered to make a squirrel goatse?
Kiyarasabel in comment #1.
February 29, 2012 at 7:37 pm
“So, Ducky, how DID the squirrel die?”
“Jethro, it was tax-i-derm-y.”
February 29, 2012 at 7:42 pm
In a quest for something else interesting, I did stumble across this guy – not quite as cool as squirrel nuts, but oddly awesome all the same:
February 29, 2012 at 7:44 pm
Also, what the frock?
(See more: http://dailypetfwd.blogspot.com/2011/09/look-away-if-you-scare-easily-new.html)
February 29, 2012 at 11:33 pm
That is so wrong on so many levels. I think my son would have nightmares and my daughter would say that’s so gross but cool.
March 1, 2012 at 4:56 am
There’s now a generic version of Lexapro on the market. It got here JUST IN TIME.
March 1, 2012 at 6:16 pm
Where did you find the Newt Gingrich baby photo?
February 29, 2012 at 8:46 pm
Winning at steampunk
March 5, 2012 at 11:12 am
that’s beautiful!
February 29, 2012 at 9:28 pm
Do a Google search on Walter Potter. Doing this is actually a 150+ year old tradition!
February 29, 2012 at 9:36 pm
Chipmunk is an obvious Stuart Little reference
February 29, 2012 at 10:00 pm
Please tell me you have heard of jackolopes!
February 29, 2012 at 11:06 pm
I once needed a squirrel for an art project and long and behold it was tougher than you’d think to win a bid on a dead squirrel on ebay. Anyways, this is what I used the squirrel for: http://KatDrama.deviantart.com/art/Flying-Squirrel-146788854
March 1, 2012 at 4:58 am
Fly, my pretty!
March 1, 2012 at 1:22 am
I’m proud to say we do it bigger in Britain!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSx4d075tQM
That’s a clip from the Great British Bake Off…
March 1, 2012 at 2:42 pm
Why are that squirrel’s nads do much lower than the taxidermy one? And why is the penis a completely different size and proportion from the little dot in the middle of the dead one’s belly? Maybe the live one has a woody? Maybe it only looks that way because the dead one’s balls are shaved (seriously, I can’t believe no one’s brought up that little bit of squirrel scaping. I hope the seller didn’t use his own razor…)
March 1, 2012 at 4:55 am
Please tell me Helen is going to buy all of these and put them into an integrated diorama on her lawn, preferably kinetic.
Even then, it will be merely a pale shadow of Mr Sam Sanfiliipo’s taxidermy museum located in the basement of Cress Funeral Home in Wisconsin.
It has mechanized, topless, taxidermied squirrel dancers.
And evil albino squirrels driving a fuschia Barbiemobile.
My question is, why the fuck would you leave the dead body of a human relative at Mr Sanfiliipo’s funeral home, having seen what he does to squirrel carcasses?
What if he has another, secret basement UNDERNEATH THE SQUIRREL MUSEUM BASEMENT?
Look:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/extremecraft/sets/72157605431249252/
March 1, 2012 at 12:57 pm
Please tell me Helen is going to buy all of these and put them into an integrated diorama on her lawn, preferably kinetic.
It has mechanized, topless, taxidermied squirrel dancers.
…Am I the only one having panty-goat flashbacks right now?
March 1, 2012 at 5:49 am
The person who made the drunk-and-drive squirrel needs to franchise that shit. I don’t know one bar owner who would not lovingly hang that in a place of honor.
March 1, 2012 at 7:27 am
You can always upcycle:
http://manmadediy.com/martin/posts/1593-eerily-beautiful-taxidermy-lamps
March 1, 2012 at 5:07 pm
I made an account just to share with you my lovely hungover e-bay squirrel that my boyfriend got me for my birthday:
http://happyvelociraptor.tumblr.com/post/16824663594/birthday-present-from-my-love-3
March 4, 2012 at 5:09 pm
I just said to my husband: “Are you aware you buy stuffed squirrels in strange positions? We could have a collection!”
Husband: “what?”
March 4, 2012 at 6:37 pm
No one has mentioned Brewdog’s The End of History- the worlds highest alcohol and most expensive beer, bottled in a taxidermied squirrel? http://www.brewdog.com/blog-article/341
March 19, 2012 at 6:37 pm
I hated dinner with schmucks but that is actually my job! I sell that shit.
Sorry.
http://www.pluckymermaid.com/