- Submitted by Jack
If only it was “Buy it Now”.
I put a second squirrel up for auction 69.50 Trophy Takers
oh, man, I wish I had the cheddar to buy this!
Such a polite squirrel – he brought his own nuts!
Wow, a squirrel dressed as Howard keel.
Howard Keel would never flash his nuts at anyone! Unfortunately.
Oh I don’t know, that shocked smile both Betty Hutton and Doris Day have at time in Annie Get your Gun and Calamity Jane might might be caused by more than their plaits being too tight.
Sir Blue Balls!
Bow ties are cool.
According to David Sedaris, outside of white or black tie, they indicate you are no longer able to get an erection.
It takes two hearts to maintain the blood pressure necessary to sustain bow-tie levels of cool and an erection.
I think one heart and 50mg of viagra might do the job, but once you bring the fez into the mix…
Then you’re definitely gonna need the double hearts.
But your Dr Who fetish stands out like the proverbial.
Shit, now I can’t stop picturing Larry King naked.
Howard Keel nothing! This squirrel is obviously dressed as the Munchkin coroner:
…read that as mutherfuckin’ coroner.
In Samuel L. Jackson’s voice, of course.
Crap, I bid on this thinking that it was a reenactment of a scene from Phantom of the Opera. Oh well, live and learn.
Can you imagine having to explain things like this when the alien squirrel-men come down and start asking questions?
And so is this. An armadillo stuffed to drink beer found in a gift shop in Texas. What a deal at 10% off.
An ex-boyfriend used to have something similar to that, except that it was plastic and he used it to hold wine bottles. He frequently used to say that as soon as he found an armadillo on the roadside in good enough shape, he was going to have one made from an actual carcass.
Knowing him, if he ever did have one made, he probably included the little gun holster and tiny cowboy hat on the little dead drunken armadillo.
I’m glad I got out when I did.
And it’s got BARN WOOD!!!!
I see what you did there, Alice Dickey.
Excuse me, you’re squirrel nut zipper seems to be open…
You could be heading for some serious strife.
Now you make the scene all day,
but tomorrow there’ll be Hell to pay!”
This is worth far more than the current bid price. Far more.
It’s up to $157.50 now. God bless the regretsians who bid on this.
My cat is nuzzling the computer screen. I think she’s indicating that she’s chosen her birthday present.
Has anyone notified the Bloggess about this treasure?
Yes..I did. Though it wouldn’t hurt if more did.
Juanita needs a boyfriend!
There needs to be a bidding war between HK and the Bloggess. It would make a great story.
A bidding war in chocolate pudding.
Aw crap. She’s on too manypainkillers and just realized she typed that outloud.
I was just checking the comments to see whether anyone had said that yet.
This shit has gotta be copyrighted. Someone should write an angry letter to this fella.
Oh my gaaawwd – those aren’t anywhere NEAR that poor squirrel’s testicular region – they look like some horrible tumor…or…*shudder*…bot fly larva pustules. I so want to look at that on my fireplace mantle for eternity.
How many squirrel testicluar regions do you have experience with?
A photo of a squirrel with a [relatively] massive pair of balls was one of the very first animal photos that welcomed me to the internet, years ago. Dunno about anyone else, but I was familiarized with squirrel anatomy without even wanting to be.
Worse: why are there testicles but no penis?
My thought exactly, although this may well be the first time I ever had “squirrel” and “penis” in the same thought. Thankfully.
At the risk of sounding knowledgeable about squirrel dong…. that’s not his belly button.
If ever there was an oxymoron, it’s “squirrel dong.” It’s also another combo that most of us never thought we would see in one sentence until we fell into the Regretsy abyss.
I thought your hat looked a little like Forest Ranger Smith’s.
It’s there. How on earth are you not seeing it?
Sneaky nuts- sac out only.
You have heard the expression “Hung like a squirrel,” no?
WHY HAS NO ONE SAID THIS YET?
Guess I was giving the maker credit for irony by using acorns or butternuts in lieu of testicles.
If they were, this might actually be charming instead of repulsive. That tweak would make a decent t-shirt gag.
I had a pet squirrel, his tree was knocked down when he was a tiny baby and we raised him till he was big enough to be out on his own. He had very prominent nuts (as most rodents do) and they were nowhere near there.
Those look more like a tumor than testicles.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Late to the party, Shar…scroll up a few inches.
“Bot fly larva pustules”…why, oh why haven’t I learned not to browse while eating (a nice gooey grilled cheese this time)?
Quick! Someone needs to reenact Hairspray using taxidermy creatures! He can be the flasher that lives next door. Or next tree. Whatever.
yawn I’d be more impressed if he were packing acorns.
His expression looks almost apologetic, no?
I want this so hard!
“Come on and dance guys grab a girl don’t wait make the twirl
It’s your world and I’m just a squirrel
Trying to get a nut to move your butt to the dance floor
EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!” out of my head. They need to animate it so when it opens the flash coat this part of the song plays.
YES thank you! I got that song stuck in my head when I saw this.
Oh my god! I need a whole bunch of these. I would want more costumes like the creepy dentist that tea-bags you when your under, the inappropriate gym teacher, a priest (I’m a horrible catholic), the original trench coat, and I’d want one dressed as a banana.
Oh my gods…..if I had the spare money, I’d buy this for my dad! (He has an ongoing battle with squirrels in his garden, so I buy him ugly squirrel things for gifts all the time).
Have you looked at the other stuff this guy is selling? Spectacular, just spectacular! A squirrel on a motorcycle. A squirrel business card holder. I need something from this person!
Like the mouse guy in “Dinner For Schmucks”, I loved those mice.
Just went to his store and noticed the Howard Keel Flashing His Nuts Squirrel is the only picture you can’t enlarge.
I have two budgies that died of old age in my freezer because I rent and can’t part with them here. Also because I sell on Etsy and that shit’s mandatory.
I wonder if this guy takes commissions?
“I have two budgies that died of old age in my freezer.”
HOW OLD WERE THEY WHEN YOU PUT THEM IN THE FREEZER?
I have no idea what budgies are, but now I feel the need to go out and get some to see how long they can survive in a freezer. You know, for science. Unless that would be a bad idea. Someone please advise.
Budgies are like parakeets. Or paracicles, in this case.
Thing about science, it never thinks anything is a bad idea.
My sister has her beloved goldfish in the freezer for the same reason, when Scuba Steve shuffled off this mortal coil…..
Can you stuff goldfish? Does any one know?
I’m sorry no one has put forth an answer to this. I can’t believe everyone is being so koi.
You can stuff goldfish, but it’s much easier to swallow them one at a time.
Yes, you can have fish taxidermied, unless it was pretty big, too damn big for a bowl, you may have trouble finding anyone willing to work on it. Even fine seams like awful on a 1.5″ mount.
What about formaldehyde and clear resin?
I’ve been renting and moving quite a lot in the last fifteen years, while being a ferret-mom all the while. When they die, I get them cremated because I can’t stand the thought of leaving them when I move. I realized the other day that I had acquired quite the necropolis.
My dream is to be able to afford one of those diamonds made from their ashes, except it’ll have to wait until I’m dead, cremated, and included so that I can be sure I really, truly horrify whichever relative I will it to.
Never mind – your legacy will be instantly for sale on Etsy, I’m sure.
If it is, it had damned well better be in something that gets featured on Regretsy. I’m thinking maybe a piece called ‘JESUS CHRIST I THINK OUR AUNT MADE A HORCRUX’ would be all right.
There might need to be a codicil to my will about this now that I think about it.
Man, you fuckers never disappoint. Parakeets and budgies are essentially the same bird. Budgies in the US are usually descended from larger birds with fancy-pants records and everything. However, they are easily spotted by their huge foreheads and swaggering girth. I got the first deep freeze inhabitant from a friend that rescued dogs and came across a bird.
The other came from a neighborhood kid with a bird in a box. I just call them all (I currently have five) “budgies” so everyone recognizes we’re better than everyone else.
You prove my point about budgies—the point that I was going to post but decided against it—that budgies are like parakeets on steroids WITH ATTITUDE.
I had a neighbor with a budgie. I was telling him that I always had parakeets, never budgies (he’d had both) and I asked him what was the difference. I expected “attitude” or “not as playful.” Instead I got “About $90.”
EXCEPT WHEN HOUSED IN THE FREEZER, I think budgies live longer than parakeets mainly because budgies are purebred and parakeets are mass-bread and susceptible to disease, so nowadays they don’t live more than a few years. But oh what great years they are!
*thinks fondly of last parakeet who owned me and how glorious he was…sigh
I dated a guy whose stepmom did this with his dad. It was pretty fucking spendy. I’m going to save up all my dead and demand our best bones be tumbled and polished into perfect 25 x 18mm cabochons. They’re easiest to set by Etsy shoppers.
Deep fried Christ how the fuck is this not in “Things I Love”? We may bid on this for our crazy neighbor that had a flying squirrel invasion in her home.
I want to bid on it for my ex husband. Well, I actually want to commandeer borrow his PayPal account and bid on it for him. He’d be pleased as punch when it came in the mail.
And if you gaze for long enough into the nuts, the nuts gaze also into you.
Needs more googly eyes.
Now THIS is where Wrong dances right up to the line…then stands on tiptoe, almost but nnnnot quite making the plunge into Disgusting.
I feed the squirrels in my yard and they’ve never flashed their nuts at me. But then again, they don’t wear capes, hats and bowties either
We don’t get squirrels in our yards here in Australia, I feel as though I’m missing out. Especially now they are dressing up and flashing people.
…but I’m pretty sure the possums do. Right after they’ve munched through your parsley hedge.
I reckon you could probably get a flashing possum from New Zealand, though – they hate possums there.
I’m sure we can package up the 75 million possums we have here and send them back to Australia.
Sure one of them will flash the ‘nads!
We’re not that fond of possums here, either, but they ARE protected… unlike yours.
They got the Great British Bake-off Squirel? Nooooo!
(For the non-Brits, which suspect is most of you, “The Great British Bake-Off” is a very lovely prime-time cooking contest, on the BBC. Which has a lot of shots of lovely picturesque British countryside, and furry things, and so on. And which last year, featured shots of a squirrel with ginormous nads.)
Yes, the bollock-flashing squirrel was major news over here for days. We are a tiny island, there’s not much going on…
Hmmm. I also strongly suspect the seller may be the Janitor from Scrubs. Or, I maybe should have gone straight to bed after getting home from the gin tasting evening. Or both. Or neither.
Stay classy Britannia!
Thank you for this brilliant link, IndieChic – now I can add “knackers” to my vast vocabulary of testicular terminology.
Hung like a squirrel, yee-ha!
Though he could probably do with some glitter. And perhaps a Zorro mask and sword…
I bet he plays with his nuts instead of storing them.
I cannot show this to my hubby, because he would proclaim that it is awesome. Yes, I’m married to one of those kinda guys. Sigh.
I do think the little guy is missing a Phantom mask…that might distract from his other, erm, attributes.
Love this, wish I owned it.
Am I the only one who would have found this funnier if the squirrel had a peanut tied to his waist?
No sarcasm intended, I’m serious. It’s amusing in a demented sort of way, but I’d like a little irony thrown in there.
I think irony is the word I’m looking for…
**wanders off arguing with himself**
I hope you didn’t lose the argument. I hate when that happens. Then I’m awkward around myself for a few days and never speak to myself except for the most necessary exchange. Then I have to apologize to myself and I have to accept the apology. Really awkward. But the make-up sex is worth it!
… but are the nuts fresh?
“I don’t always perform taxidermy on animal corpses… But when I do, I prefer to depict exhibitionist rodents.”
Squirrel. Nuts. ‘Nuff said.
I love bad taxidermy almost as much as I love a fine scotch. Maybe someday, my own taxidermy will be hilariously bad (“hilaribad”) enough to be on regretsy. It’s good to have dreams.
At least it looks like he died happy.
New: A brand-new, unused, unopened, undamaged item (including handmade items). See the seller’s listing for full details.”
Undamaged? It’s a DEAD squirrel. I call misrepresentation!
and…and…he had to OPEN it to stuff it.
I prefer wild rats to any sorta squirrel. Rats are just so… nuanced.
Squirrels are ballsy.
I dunno. Maybe he used a turkey baster to stuff it? Wouldn’t have to open him up for that.
All I could think of looking at this picture is that the girl squirrel looks like a sexified version of Gadget.
My inner child freaked out so much that it took me several minutes to get the joke.
Hmm. I don’t really see the resemblance to Gadget, but my sympathies on the shock value. I tend to assume people who see the horrors of Regretsy are relatively immune to the casually bizarre (I know I am).
You know, I could have gone my whole life without seening blackened, shriveled squirrel balls.
Regretsy is a treasure trove of things that make me drink.
Treasure trove of that which makes us drink
Bless this Vodka
I feel that this has changed my life, I didn’t know what was missing but this was definitely it.
I want him. I do not $80 want him, however.
Bastards! Now it’s at $157! I’ll never get that much past the wife!
I know some people who would love that. Dad would have a fit though if I spent that much money.
Oh how I wish I could have bid on this! I would have nailed it to the top of a fence post facing a horrid neighbor. Seeing that in the morning would make her choke on her fat tongue.
I think a better name for it would be “Stevie Ray Rodent” …but then again Squirrel “mount” DID catch my eye…
My dad would LOVE this! However, he would kill me for paying over $200.00 for it.
That’s the sad thing about Regretsy. Way too often I see the post and think, “Dad would like that!”
What does that say about my father……
Perhaps that little guy just pulled a vagina over his head and flew around mountainy!
Bid is up to $280 for the squirrel.
Rocky’s on the junk again.
Thanks Everyone for the posts about my squirrel mount I never thought it would draw this much attention. To answer the questions about the squirrels privates they are 100% real and he does have both parts. I have several others like it that will be available in a few weeks. Thanks again everyone Trophy Takers Taxidermy
I need this in my life.
I am officially disturbed by this.
It’s not that I’m offended (because I’m not), it’s because I can’t stop thinking that this poor squirrel corpse had it’s balls shaved and shellacked for people to gape and gawk at.
Someone’s hand delicately de-fuzzed his scrotum and sealed it allowing them to glisten forever.
(shudder) Now that’s sick.
You must be logged in to post a comment.
The term "Etsy" is a trademark of Etsy, Inc. This site is not affiliated with Etsy, Inc.