You Keep Using That Word
This post first appeared on Regretsy on February 23, 2011
IT’S UNIQUE
VERY UNIQUE
PERFECT FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE UNIQUENESS
SO UNIQUE IT’S VINTAGE AND BRAND NEW AT THE SAME TIME
HANG IT SIDEWAYS FOR MORE UNIQUENESS
GET TWO AND MAKE EARRINGS
PUT AN OWL ON IT
WATCH PARTS
WATCH PARTS
A VACUUM TUBE AND WATCH PARTS
AN ELEPHANT HEAD AND WATCH PARTS
A VAGINA AND WATCH PARTS
A MUSTACHE AND WATCH PARTS
BUY HAND-ASSEMBLED!
February 25, 2012 at 4:35 pm
The octopus is only 3 bucks at Wal Mart.
February 25, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Compare and save!
February 26, 2012 at 6:53 am
Dammit, I guess the wall tentacle I bought wasn’t as unique as they told me it was…
February 27, 2012 at 6:01 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm
I am in the process of making leatherbound flasks for my wepay store and I think I have found some inspiration.
February 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Still not remotely steampunk.
February 25, 2012 at 4:52 pm
Buh… Buh… There’s gears glued to them!
February 25, 2012 at 5:03 pm
And a vacuum tube. Très steampunk. Of if you prefer Le Steampunk. Or as I prefer El Steampunko.
February 25, 2012 at 9:19 pm
Go Japanese: Sutiimupanku!
February 25, 2012 at 10:12 pm
VAGINAPUNK
February 25, 2012 at 10:27 pm
Would that be an ocotopus glued to a thong?
February 25, 2012 at 11:33 pm
The poor octopus is the thong.
February 26, 2012 at 7:36 am
*starts to sing* if you liked it then you should have put vaginas on it…
February 26, 2012 at 9:20 am
All the single molluscks -
February 27, 2012 at 3:21 am
No longer do I have even the vaguest understanding what steampunk actually is. They have made the word mean nothing. steampunk steampunk steampunk steampunk steampunk steampunk steampunk steampunk steampunk steampunk
See? Means nothing.
February 25, 2012 at 5:10 pm
It all makes sense to me. But that might be because I am drunk.
February 25, 2012 at 5:13 pm
I needed this laugh tonight.
February 25, 2012 at 5:15 pm
I always wanted to see something like “Relatively unique” or “slightly unique” or “somewhat unique”. How about “unique as long as you take my word for it and never shop on Etsy again”?
February 25, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Or visit a craft store.
February 25, 2012 at 10:40 pm
Or http://www.modcloth.com/shop/necklaces/my-pet-octopus-necklace, or Walmart.
February 26, 2012 at 8:48 am
As the definition of the word unique is “one of a kind,” how can something be very unique? It makes as much sense as your options!
February 25, 2012 at 5:29 pm
I believe that octopus charm is one of the most enduring symbols of the stunning uniqueness of the handmade wonder that is etsy. I think it was on the front page when I discovered the site back in ’06.
Mustaches are a close second though.
February 25, 2012 at 5:30 pm
As more and more people want octopussies, Etsians will just keep gluing more and more shit on them to make them “unique”! Because having an actual original idea is just way too hard! We should pity the Etsian who has to keep up with this ADD market!
February 25, 2012 at 5:33 pm
March 10, 2012 at 10:04 pm
That is awesome!!!
February 25, 2012 at 6:00 pm
February 25, 2012 at 6:10 pm
Exactly.
My favourite sports headline ever: ‘these two athletes have something unique in common’.
February 25, 2012 at 8:10 pm
I have attended several steampunk friendly conventions and seen many, many “gentlemen” in their smoking jackets and nerf guns. With octopusoir in tow. Your poster made me laugh.
February 26, 2012 at 12:09 am
Gary Larson famously made a cartoon of one penguin in a sea of identical penguins singing “I just gotta be me.” Even more famously, when whoever made the Far Side greeting cards made that one into a card, they coloured the singing penguin and left all the rest black and white.
February 26, 2012 at 2:28 pm
He did one with sheep, too, didn’t he?
February 26, 2012 at 2:30 pm
Octopus pendants sing “We don’t have to be just octopodes!”
March 10, 2012 at 10:05 pm
So uniquely true !!!
February 25, 2012 at 6:16 pm
From what I’ve seen, I think Etsy tends to confuse the term “steampunk” as meaning pretty much anything that looks vaguely metallic.
February 25, 2012 at 9:46 pm
Do check out the “Not Remotely Steampunk” folder. You’ll see even more evidence to back that up.
February 25, 2012 at 6:29 pm
http://www.ebay.com/itm/HOBBY-LOBBY-Gift-Card-COLLECTIBLE-NO-VALUE-2011-/140653570458#vi-content
Sorry I don’t know how to do the pretty pictures. I liked the octopus, so was looking for Hobby Lobby but it is apparently out of business. But this enterprising ebay seller is selling a “collectible” Hobby Lobby gift card–that has no value.
That would be great with my collection of maxed-out credit cards!
February 25, 2012 at 6:37 pm
Hobby Lobby isn’t out of business. lol
http://www.hobbylobby.com
February 25, 2012 at 8:00 pm
Which is a good thing. Hobby Lobby displays are a favorite location for Regretsy-inspired guerrilla fuckery.
February 26, 2012 at 3:40 am
Sorry–my contemptuous snark apparently didn’t come across properly in text. I was implying that the only reason a gift card with no value would be something collectible would be after they go out of business, thus trying to make fun of the seller.
February 26, 2012 at 12:40 pm
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February 26, 2012 at 12:42 pm
oh, never mind. i understand what you mean now. can everyone down-vote my shame please?
February 25, 2012 at 6:39 pm
I was lucky enough to get Jewel Rene (AKA Hell Yeah) to make this for me.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/89406693/cthulu-hellephant-whimsicle-illustration
One of the requests I made was that Cthulhu would be killing that fucking Sextopus. As someone said when this was originally posted, “IF IT DOSEN’T HAVE FUCKING WINGS IT’S NOT CTHULHU!
February 25, 2012 at 10:22 pm
Well, if you’re going to call it Cthulhu, it pretty much HAS to have wings. Lovecraft’s descriptions of him were fairly explicit in that respect. Plus, all my stuffed Cthulhu’s have wings. Including my house slippers. And his tentacles weren’t located in the place that octopi tentacles are located. He didn’t look like a winged octopus; he looked like an Eldritch Abomination.
February 25, 2012 at 7:04 pm
February 26, 2012 at 1:16 am
I sometimes think they’re confusing it with “eunuch.”
February 25, 2012 at 7:12 pm
Did you stop to think that maybe all these watch parts and vacuum tubes and mustaches and other animal heads and yonis are helping him compensate for his two missing tentacles?
Poor, poor Hexapus!
February 25, 2012 at 7:40 pm
I lol’d so hard at the vagtopus you clearly made up. And then I saw it was real and I stopped laughing.
February 26, 2012 at 4:21 am
Not only that, it’s sold.
I need a drink.
February 25, 2012 at 7:41 pm
I ran over here after finding this gem: http://www.etsy.com/listing/71171012/upcycled-steampunk-art-mug-with-mustache?ref=sr_gallery_1&sref=&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=mustache+cthulu&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade
And then I see at the top of the blog are “Cthulus” and “Octopi”. So, yes, this tinfoil mug with a drawn on paper octopus fits in well.
February 25, 2012 at 8:02 pm
That looks like leftovers stored in a mug in the back of the fridge.
February 25, 2012 at 10:15 pm
Dude, that’s AntB, she’s old skool Club Fuckery.
February 26, 2012 at 1:18 am
One of us! One of us! Gooble gobble! One of us!
February 25, 2012 at 10:16 pm
That’s AntB, she’s a regretsian. I am pretty sure that listing is a joke.
February 27, 2012 at 4:36 pm
That is VERY good to know….I was scared!!!!!!
February 25, 2012 at 11:22 pm
Thank God I saw the April Fools note at the bottom of the listing before I gouged out my eyes with a non-steampunk, octopiless spoon.
February 27, 2012 at 4:38 pm
I didn’t see the note! *goes back to look* Aha! And I’ve found I LOOOOOOVE her actual shop! Gorgeous things in there…..and TRULY unique!
February 25, 2012 at 8:16 pm
If you liked it, then you shoulda put a vag on it.
February 26, 2012 at 9:29 am
And flee to the mountains!
February 25, 2012 at 8:16 pm
The Yoni necklace has been sold. Her descriptions are sampler worthy and her sculptures are really… pretty. Not at all like the hair babies in a previous post. Which were terrifying and reminded me of the creepy girl in The Ring.
February 25, 2012 at 8:42 pm
I feel so much shame that a few years ago when I was new to etsy I purchased one of these unique octopus necklaces. I am thinking of assembling string around it and making a thong. Steampunk-Octothong.
February 25, 2012 at 9:39 pm
I’m going to a costume party next month. I’m going as a steampunk octopus.
February 25, 2012 at 9:47 pm
PICTURES. We need them.
February 26, 2012 at 12:26 am
It’s a masquerade apparently. So I papier mached a mask with tentacles, but the whole thing cracked when it dried. I may have to do a second attempt. And it needs bigger tentacles.
February 26, 2012 at 4:00 am
Everything is better with bigger tentacles.
February 26, 2012 at 9:32 am
Spats on the tentacles!
February 25, 2012 at 9:48 pm
Sweet spaghetti and fuckballs, was this really a whole year ago? This is another one of those iconic Regretsy images, right up there with Hellephant and Level 4 Cat.
February 25, 2012 at 10:01 pm
February 25, 2012 at 11:28 pm
Guess what?! I found his other two tentacles!
February 26, 2012 at 9:35 am
This is Level All-Of-Them
February 25, 2012 at 9:55 pm
I had a ceramics friend that couldn’t afford to buy one so she made one from white stoneware and monofilament. That was… 3 years ago almost. It was cute then, I think.
February 25, 2012 at 10:13 pm
Well, at least there’s nothing dead hanging off of them.
Or clumps of sloughed hair.
February 25, 2012 at 10:33 pm
Have to admit, I somewhat liked this item when I stumbled across it on Modcloth maybe a couple of years ago.
It’s still there, and at $14.99, so unique that it has 427 reviews.
http://www.modcloth.com/shop/necklaces/my-pet-octopus-necklace
February 25, 2012 at 10:37 pm
A Steampunk Octipi?
Why not Zoidberg?
Octipi Facebook?
Why not Zuckerberg?
February 25, 2012 at 10:38 pm
Oh! Now you can make your own Unique Pendant!!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/80821411/on-sale-now-large-steampunk-octopus?ref=sr_gallery_79&sref=&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=mold&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=4&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade
February 25, 2012 at 10:42 pm
That’s so STEAMPUNK!
February 26, 2012 at 12:24 am
“BUY HAND-COPIED!”
February 28, 2012 at 9:40 pm
‘Kawaii’? ‘KAWAII’?? Nngh, I do not that word means what they think it means either.
February 25, 2012 at 10:38 pm
They’re breeding like Rabbits!
February 26, 2012 at 9:51 am
Real Octopi only reproduce by tens of thousands of eggs at a time. They are clearly slacking compared to Etsypi.
February 25, 2012 at 11:04 pm
My sister & I were at a bridal shower for my niece a couple of months ago (she lives in Williamsburg, NY) & one of her friends came in wearing one. We both screamed in unison “Oh my God, a Steampunk Octopus!” and leapt from our chairs to go see it thinking this girl had an obvious sense of humor.
*sigh* We gave her too much credit. She cocked her head to one side like a confused puppy & said in a really flat voice “Excuse me, I don’t know what that means.”
Luckily when my niece caught up with the story later she laughed her butt off. That’s why we let her in the family.
February 25, 2012 at 11:29 pm
I buy my hexapi in bulk. And upside down.
February 25, 2012 at 11:30 pm
http://www.8seasons.com/antique-bronze-octopus-charm-pendants-43x35mm-sold-per-packet-of-5-p-16543.html
February 25, 2012 at 11:31 pm
I wonder how they pump out so many variations.
February 26, 2012 at 12:10 am
I’m confused (but I know what unique means). Is the sideways seller claiming they cast the octopus his or herself?
February 26, 2012 at 2:13 am
If so, they did a shitty job of it. I’ve got a friend who’s in training to be a gold smith, and she creates her own molds and casts all her own jewelry. It’s a fairly time-consuming task, but on the other hand, she can legitimately claim her stuff is unique because most of her molds can only be used once.
February 26, 2012 at 3:11 am
Ia! Ia! Fuckery f’taghn!
February 26, 2012 at 3:39 am
Made this for my son’s Pinewood Derby last year and wore a Unique Faux Patina VINTAGE Steampunk Octopus Pendant. Cthulhu was pleased; I took first place.
February 26, 2012 at 6:46 am
Helen really needs to add a category “…and watch parts” so I can keep laughing and rolling around in my bed everyday.
February 26, 2012 at 8:57 am
I am amazed at the varying degrees of uniqueness represented here. It’s like each one is slightly more unique than the last!
February 26, 2012 at 9:16 am
I think what bums me out more than just the incorrect wording “unique” is the prices verses what I know is the actual quality of the pendant. Even though some of the wording is “antique silver” “antique brass” etc. This item is consisted of nothing but pot metal which I can snap with my bare hands. Real brass and real silver or even a brass with a plate of silver or gold is heavier and way stronger than this POC.
February 26, 2012 at 9:35 am
Vaginas and tentacles go together like… WAIT.
February 26, 2012 at 10:01 am
Ask Pricess Clara and the “Drawn Together” gang.
February 26, 2012 at 9:44 am
damn that thing reproduces fast-how unique
February 26, 2012 at 12:58 pm
i want one only if i can get angry eyebrows over the top of its octi-eyes. then i’m sold.
February 26, 2012 at 1:44 pm
I bought one for my alphabet xD. O is for Octopus. I think he’s going to have signs and tents around him a la Octopi Wall Street.
February 26, 2012 at 4:30 pm
And I have a “vintage STEAMPUNK” Happy Meal toy.
(From the flicker “The Night at the Museum 2″)
Who knew Ben Stiller was a silent start from the late 1800′s.
February 26, 2012 at 5:16 pm
Etsy has some serious explaining to do when 80% of their jewelry components come from China.
Handmade does not mean gluing a bunch of crap you bought together and claiming it is your art.
February 26, 2012 at 6:31 pm
How have I not seen this video linked here yet?!?!
The song is called “just glue some gears on it” and regretsy is thanked by the author.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFCuE5rHbPA
February 28, 2012 at 4:30 am
The term “Victorian Edwardian Art Nouveau” makes me want to punch my own face in.
February 28, 2012 at 9:44 pm
If they’d just added Regency, they could’ve spanned a whole century.
February 28, 2012 at 2:17 pm
I am so glad you commented on the seller’s use of “VERY UNIQUE”. People rarely notice this ridiculous usage – unique is an absolute, and it means one-of-a-kind. You can’t make something VERY one-of-a-kind! “Very unique”, “extremely unique”, or “so unique” should NEVER be used. Drives me bonkers!
March 30, 2012 at 8:55 pm
What, no “As seen on Jay Leno” in the description?
May 6, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Am I the only person that noticed that Audrey on Rules of Engagement has been wearing a steampunk octopus necklace in several of the current season’s recent episodes? I feel like someone on the costume team has to be a fan of regretsy.
May 6, 2012 at 2:03 pm
And she looks SO happy to be wearing it too!