Etsy Garage Sale
This post first appeared on Regretsy on March 9, 2011
Hey there hoarders, it’s Etsy Garage Sale time! Let’s fire up the fuckerymobile and go for a little drive. Here are some sweet garage sale finds available on Etsy right now!
Six half empty bottles of old cologne, right off grandpa’s bureau at the rest home. Convo me for his lower plate.
I already have dead batteries from 1951 and 1953, so this is awesome.
Will you consider trading for a Sanford & Son Thermos?
What a deal! I was thinking about making cookies in August.
Shrek might have lost it! LOL!
Fuck you.
February 19, 2012 at 4:33 pm
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February 19, 2012 at 4:41 pm
So much so that you felt the need to post about it. Good job!
February 19, 2012 at 4:44 pm
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February 19, 2012 at 5:04 pm
But see that would have been something!
February 19, 2012 at 5:03 pm
I always laugh when someone says they are speechless. But, I do believe it is against the rules here to just post that.
Sometimes I go to garage sales and the excitement for getting to paw through other people’s shit can send me into hysterical blindness or speaking in tongues.
(See…you can come up with all sorts of stupid things to say if you just think about it for a second…)
February 19, 2012 at 10:24 pm
I don’t think it’s a violation of rules, so much as a violation of custom.
February 19, 2012 at 11:18 pm
It’s not illegal. It’s frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.
February 20, 2012 at 5:15 am
Actually, GranoMan, that probably IS illegal. Unless you do it in the bathroom?? IDK but it may be best just to leave it alone when you’re on a plane…
February 20, 2012 at 7:28 am
Who frowns on THAT?!
February 20, 2012 at 11:44 am
It was a quote from The Hangover >_>
February 19, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Six half empty bottles of cologne is three full bottles of cologne. Where the hell is your sense of optimism?
February 19, 2012 at 4:47 pm
“All vintage.” Vintage what, 1994?
February 19, 2012 at 4:51 pm
They mis-spelled “Al Vintage”.
It’s European.
February 19, 2012 at 5:05 pm
Everything in the world is vintage if you try hard enough.
February 19, 2012 at 5:44 pm
I should sell my vintage toothpick used to check scones. It’s from a minute ago.
February 19, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Technically they’re all full. It’s just that the top half is full of air and fetid cologne fumes.
February 19, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Wow, they even admitted that they just found it in a forest… and yet are still flogging it on Etsy. Where is the “made this in my artistic ability”? They’re just not even trying anymore – and this was a year ago!
February 19, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Er, the shoe, that is.
February 19, 2012 at 4:37 pm
Actually….that Ps3 would be backwards compatible….I would pay that much for it :/
February 19, 2012 at 10:32 pm
But it’s a 40gb though
only the 60gbs were backwards compatible.
February 20, 2012 at 9:19 am
My FJLA seems to recall there was partial emulation in early fats? Hell, I’d buy an older PS3 just to force Linux onto it and fuck Sony in the goatse as the favor they’ve needed returned for a good long while.
February 20, 2012 at 11:35 am
Sadly, if we didn’t still have our PS2, we probably would buy it too.
February 19, 2012 at 4:39 pm
Either HKapril is finally getting tired of this crap or she’s posting drunk again… Either way, I like ending with “Fuck you.” Succinct and to-the-point. (No one point out that that’s redundant. Shut up. Fuck you.)
February 19, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Fuck you too <3
February 19, 2012 at 4:39 pm
Damn, where is that Redd Foxx sex doll… errrrm I mean, mannequin representation, yeah…. never mind, I’m not trading it for ANYTHING.
February 19, 2012 at 7:41 pm
That is known as Lamont’s lament!!
February 19, 2012 at 4:41 pm
Every time I see posts like this…I’m tempted to go rooting through my junk drawers and open an Etsy shop as some kind of experiment to see what people will actually buy…
February 19, 2012 at 4:54 pm
I know exactly how you feel. My puppy is losing her teeth right now. Maybe it’s time to open up shop !
February 19, 2012 at 5:34 pm
I would, no kidding, actually buy a tiny puppy incisor. Why? Because my 7 year old (whose teeth are falling out at an alarming rate) thinks she’s been terribly clever and has written to her tooth fairy asking if she can have one of her teeth as an exchange.
The “tooth fairy” is consequently stumped.
February 19, 2012 at 5:37 pm
I might also mention that my need to win all such battles of fantasy with my child is probably bordering on the psychotic, but I MUST WIN DAMMIT!
Ugh.. I’ll probably end up making something out of a twist of polymer clay and glitter glue, but I’m afraid that would probably more closely resemble Edward Cullen’s dandruff than a tooth fairy baby tooth.
Ok, time for more Red Breast whiskey.
February 19, 2012 at 6:45 pm
You can find “teeth” on etsy. Granted they’re mostly model teeth. I can’t decide if this one is cool or frightening:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/85332785/human-teeth-bracelet-macabre-quay?ref=sr_gallery_2&sref=&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=tooth&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade
February 19, 2012 at 8:07 pm
I umm…..have some puppy teeth. It kinda freaked me out when our German Shepard started losing his teeth and I kept a few. He was losing like 3-4 a week for awhile there but they all seem to have grown back. I would gladly share them with you for free rather than letting them sit in the bottom of my junk cup where they have lived on my desk for the last 6 months.
But I’d sorta feel very Hannible Lecter sending random strangers puppy teeth in the mail..LOL.
They belong to this guy…
February 20, 2012 at 8:47 am
I think the teeth magically morph into something else the minute the tooth fairy gets them home–bunny tails or marshmallows or puffy white clouds which just float away. (worth a try).
February 24, 2012 at 5:20 pm
So I accept that this is disturbing, but I actually have a jar full of both my daughter’s baby teeth. I have no justification.
February 19, 2012 at 7:21 pm
DUDE!
That would be so steampunk!
February 20, 2012 at 8:37 am
Several years ago someone broke into our truck and stole the dog’s backpack–which we used when the dog went to stay with grandma. They got two dog bowls, some dog treats, her emergency folder, and a few of her puppy teeth. I always wondered what they did with her teeth.
February 19, 2012 at 4:42 pm
*clutching chest and gesturing wildly*
Nobody wants your Playstation, you big dummy!
February 19, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Thumbs down?
Can people not tell when someone is channeling Fred Sanford?
*sigh* I’m old. I remember that show.
February 19, 2012 at 4:47 pm
Never mind. It changed. I’m ok now. Still old, but ok.
February 19, 2012 at 4:50 pm
I’m old too. I got the reference!
February 19, 2012 at 7:23 pm
I’m comin’ Elizabeth!
February 19, 2012 at 11:22 pm
I’m only 26 and I got the reference. Hell, even Scrubs makes Sanford and Son references.
February 19, 2012 at 7:55 pm
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February 20, 2012 at 7:45 pm
*Maniacal giggling*
February 19, 2012 at 4:42 pm
The shoe was my favorite from the original post. This year, I’m going to have to go with the batteries, since the seller still has it listed, but has changed it to include the Regretsy post.
Nah… the shoe’s still my favorite.
February 19, 2012 at 4:49 pm
I wonder if the shoe now has a tree growing out of it.
February 19, 2012 at 5:12 pm
I’m guessing mushrooms.
February 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm
Mushrooms – a new twist on sole food!
February 19, 2012 at 5:19 pm
Shrooms…. mmmmmm…..
February 20, 2012 at 5:12 am
Gives a whole new meaning to foot fungus.
February 19, 2012 at 5:12 pm
A shoe tree? That sounds ridiculous!
February 19, 2012 at 8:22 pm
But then they could link it to other movies!
February 19, 2012 at 11:23 pm
People are downvoting you because they don’t get the joke, but I node what you meant.
(Mmm, data structures)
February 19, 2012 at 4:48 pm
There’s a theme at play here:
Melt the dark choco mint in the cologne.
Drizzle all over the shoe; place in oven & bake for an hour.
When dining on such fine haute cuisine, highly recommend playing Back in Black on the PS3 rigged to run on dead batteries.
VOILA!!!
Regretsy date night material
February 19, 2012 at 5:07 pm
WALLA!!!
/Ã la Etsy
February 19, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Oh shoot! Where’s my old 50′s flashlight that doesn’t work. I finally found some batteries for it!
February 19, 2012 at 4:58 pm
May belong to Shrek. Or, you know, that vintage dead body buried a few feet further over.
February 19, 2012 at 5:08 pm
That is just so much fun! Kids love Shrek. This could help teach them about how everyone eventually dies…
February 19, 2012 at 5:13 pm
Emo Shrek. If I had any Photoshop skills, there’s potential with that one.
February 19, 2012 at 9:25 pm
February 19, 2012 at 10:02 pm
HAAAAAAAAA!!! You got the hair just right! That’s awesome.
“Emo Shrek” is my favorite one of the Shrek movies.
February 19, 2012 at 11:25 pm
You’re my
February 19, 2012 at 11:26 pm
Also, I’m a little freaked-out because my last comment had 911 characters left after typing it. CONSPIRACY!
February 20, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Oh I love this one. This is where shrek thinks everything is too mainstream… Wait wait wait thats hipster shrek.
This is the one where no one understands him and he discovers the wonders of black makeup to express his emotional woes.
Is his ear pierced?
February 19, 2012 at 5:13 pm
That hit the coffin nail on the head.
February 19, 2012 at 5:02 pm
OMG, the shoe! People are insane.
February 19, 2012 at 5:04 pm
Holy crap I’m sitting on a gold mine. I just found my grandmother’s stash of soap bars in a ziplock bag. Convo me!
February 19, 2012 at 5:17 pm
Vintage and recycled – double whammy!
February 19, 2012 at 5:49 pm
Make a sculpture out of them and it’ll be upcycled
February 19, 2012 at 5:05 pm
Oh, and how clever that they displayed the AC/DC disk on an air conditioning filter! (Or, is that just included with the CD?)
February 19, 2012 at 6:45 pm
If it were included with the CD, it’d cost you $2 more.
Obviously, the seller was trying to buck the Etsy trend of photographing random objects on barn wood.
February 19, 2012 at 5:08 pm
Selling food of questionable origin, and certainly without a health permit. Ugh.
Who owns that store? Sal Monella?
February 19, 2012 at 5:15 pm
No, you’re thinking of Sam & Ella’s.
February 19, 2012 at 5:48 pm
I rally want the stuffed black baby unicorn in the foreground of the garage sale photo.
She can keep the ‘stashe on a stick someplace less sunny though….lol!
February 19, 2012 at 5:48 pm
REALLY even! Typing and spelling imediment, sorry.
February 20, 2012 at 4:07 pm
No you don’t: http://www.regretsy.com/2009/10/03/beating-a-dead-horse/
February 19, 2012 at 5:49 pm
SEE!? IMPEDIMENT! UGH!
February 19, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Put. The. Bottle. Down.
Or get another.
Either way.
February 19, 2012 at 6:19 pm
TLC’s show “Hoarders” would do well to start up an Etsy site and offer up what gets tossed into the Got Junk trucks.
February 19, 2012 at 7:08 pm
*narrows her eyes*
I’m fairly certain that those chips are being sold, if not at cost, then slightly above cost. I can go down Giant and get some bags that don’t look like they’ve had someone’s patina of dinginess rubbed all over it.
At least they brushed off the cat hair first.
February 20, 2012 at 11:42 am
My first thought too — that is a horrible price for secondhand chocolate chips. Plus shipping! At least give a discount to make up for the squick factor!
February 21, 2012 at 8:20 pm
Those chips better damn well be vintage at that price.
February 19, 2012 at 7:45 pm
And this is why my State Farm newsletter suggested Etsy.com as a sufficient place to get rid of your old clothes. Instead of throwing them out or giving them away. True story.
February 19, 2012 at 7:53 pm
I know you wrote true story, but is that really true??
February 20, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Yes! They actually said etsy.com. If they were just talking about vintage clothes sure but they were talking about any old clothes you didn’t want.
February 19, 2012 at 10:23 pm
Pics/scan or it isn’t a true story.
February 20, 2012 at 1:45 pm
Don’t make me work for this!
February 19, 2012 at 7:58 pm
And to think that someone is paying 20 cents every couple of months to relist the fucking batteries and cd. Take the hint already!
If you’re into heavy metal, then chances are, you already own Back in Black on cd or cassette. Or you’ve already illegally downloaded it from a torrent. I’ve seen it cheaper in the bargain bin at Best Buy.
February 20, 2012 at 9:12 am
This person has got the marketing all wrong. they need to be upcycling that old CD into a sun catcher or a rear-view mirror ornament! God, do we have to do all the thinking here on Regretsy?
February 19, 2012 at 8:18 pm
I have 2 bags of those mint and chocolate chips in my fridge. They never got used at christmas time because I was too busy drinking eggnog spiked with spiced rum. I COULD SELL THEM ON ETSY FOR MORE BOOZE.
February 19, 2012 at 9:05 pm
The chocolate mint chips have been on clearance at Target for under $2 since after Christmas. How much upcycling could justify more than doubling the price? …unless that’s because they’re vintage now?
February 19, 2012 at 10:03 pm
I’d totally buy that boot for the moss cultures on it.
February 19, 2012 at 10:37 pm
All of these things need to be in the trash. Including the Play Station, because Lord knows what this dude has done with it.
February 20, 2012 at 5:24 pm
iTS NOT CALLED A JOY STICK FOR NOTHIN!!!
February 20, 2012 at 7:54 am
Well now that the chocolaate chips are expired they would be considered “vintage.”
February 20, 2012 at 3:51 pm
I have some Vintage Milk in my fridge. How much could it fetch on etsy? Should I sell it now or should I wait until it turns Shrek green?
February 20, 2012 at 5:35 pm
I see no Hai Karate on that tray of used cologne. You are useless to me, etsy. USELESS.
July 19, 2012 at 9:17 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtwh3nQP5Uo