I instantly had ‘Paperback Writer’ stuck in my head after reading the title/description, your comment makes me feel more sane for my mind going there right away.
RedSoloCup is YOUR Friend
February 17, 2012 at 10:42 am
I’d wear that necklace, I’m not going to lie about that. Seriously, I’d wear it. It has kitties on it and it would confuse people. People rarely ever ask for clarification when they see something like that, they just walk past with a priceless look on their poor little normal faces.
I. WOULD WEAR THE SHIT OUTTA THAT NECKLACE! Going to the grocery store?!? WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CAT WRITER NECKLACE! If I was single.. I would wear it to SINGLES PARTIES!!! And make sure my clothes are covered in cat hair.
RedSoloCup is YOUR Friend
February 17, 2012 at 5:34 pm
Yeah, cat hair all over my clothes would match it very well. That’s just understood. If I were single and wore it to a singles’ party, you can bet that I wouldn’t be leaving that party alone and I’d probably have someone stay for breakfast the next day.
+8
kyjellybutthurt
February 17, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Cole Slaw can we be friends? Like go to the store together with out Cat Writer necklaces and scare people while sucking our friendship lollipops friends?
Of course you can call me Steamy. And it’s never too early for rum. We are running a bit low (only 20 more cases), so grab a bottle and I’ll run down to the store to grab some more.
+9
landcfan
February 17, 2012 at 9:54 pm
So THAT’s why the rum’s gone!
+2
Whirlwitch
February 17, 2012 at 9:53 pm
Seriously. Subtract the keys and it would be fairly awesome.
RedSoloCup is YOUR Friend
February 17, 2012 at 10:53 am
I don’t mean to start a debate about this, but MOST cats are pretty damn near illiterate. They just get by because of their athletic ability and propensity to keep places free of mice and, in our educational system, that means they graduate from grade to grade as the teachers turn a blind eye. Maybe every now and then one will actually earn their grades and be able to write well, but those are so few and far between.
I’m just saying, I don’t want to get anything started. I love my cats dearly, but I am pretty sure that they plagiarize even the simplest of writings and they are drug addicts.
I’ll agree that cats are terrible spellers and not so hot at grammar most of the time. But mine at least seems to have mastered the concept of the independent claws.
I told my cat every day last week that I was taking her to the vet on Saturday, but when the day rolled around and I was sticking her in the carrier she acted all surprised, as if that was the first she had heard of it.
I’m beginning to think she’s just pretending to listen when I talk to her and that she really doesn’t understand a thing I say.
God, that middle cat looks like an animal cracker. I’m so fucking hungry I can’t even make joke about the beads coming out of those cats’ asses! This seller is going on the list.
My new cat looks like someone dipped his tail in ink to write with. I’ve tried seeing if it leaves marks, but he pulls it away and wanders off in search of food when I do.
Really, I’m surprised I haven’t lost a hand to trying that.
It’s a little ambiguous, isn’t it? I feel like this seller is trying to cross over between the people-who-write-about-cats market, the cats-that-write-things market, and the people-who-write-things-using-cats-as-implements market. Ambitious.
All I can think is one of those atrocious pseudo-mystery novels where the cat solves the case in the end by mistaking the poisoned tampon for a toy mouse and carries it to its sassy-stay-at-home-mom-turned-detective owner.
All I had to see was this ‘director’ and ‘temper tantrum’ to know this was the director George Clooney understandably almost killed. (Scroll to the bottom, you’ll see the relevant excerpt.)
I think that should be the new standard for adult tantrums: if you can provoke Clooney into assaulting you, you’ve hit the abuse-and-histrionics sweet spot.
+11
rmw1982
February 17, 2012 at 3:53 pm
I now have this picture of DIY-ers using cats as tools.
My mom got cat scratch fever once. She was recovering from it when I first brought my now-husband to meet her. Mom’s not that good at remembering nouns, though, and told him she had feline leukemia. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to choke.
OH NO, I’ve lost my BACKBONE (or nads). I can’t bring myself to say snark on PMP.
I suck. Push the RED button, Frank.
+5
pandiculation
February 17, 2012 at 6:22 pm
The photo of the kittens with the tiny phones looks like the work of Laurie Cinotto from the Itty Bitty Kitty Committee blog http://www.theittybittykittycommittee.com/
The photographer of the image should be given credit in this post.
Mugsy: UGH. I feel for ya. My cat’s on thyroid meds. Little pink pill twice a day. We kinda have it down to a science at this point, but even after a year he hasn’t learned that it’s MUCH better on the days he doesn’t pitch a fit.
HalfNote5: One of my cats is on thyroid meds as well. Are you aware that there is a topical cream you could use instead of the pills? It’s slightly more expensive, but truly worth it. If only to avoid the trauma and band-aid moments of giving a cat a pill.
+8
HalfNote5
February 17, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Yeah, but the other cats lick the cream, and then their little thyroids shut down.
I DO appreciate the advice though, and it’d be an excellent idea if not for the other one’s propensity to lick stuff she shouldn’t.
+9
HalfNote5
February 17, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Also, a word of advice if you have the pills: get the coated pills. They won’t tell you, but coated or uncoated, it’s the same drug they give humans for hyperthyroidism, and they don’t recommend anyone but the thyroid patients themselves handing those.
Veterinary offices will tell the staff not to handle it for prolonged periods, so use a glove with the cream, too.
Yeah, that’s a problem. We’re lucky in that Taboolie isn’t the friendly sort The other cats don’t have a chance at getting that close.
+5
HalfNote5
February 17, 2012 at 1:03 pm
Definitely. if it were our crazy one, the cream would be ideal. Since it’s the friendly one, it takes about 0.3 seconds to go from “administration of cream” to “Delicious Magic Ear-buffet of Thyroid Suppression”
+8
HalfNote5
February 17, 2012 at 1:05 pm
P.S. “Taboolie?” Love it.
+6
friesentl
February 17, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Mugsy and HalfNote, have you tried pill pockets? They’re treats made to hold pills. My cat came from a shelter that was fancy (yay for Orange County CA!) and they had her on anti-depressants. They gave me some pill pockets to use as I weaned her off the meds. She loves them, thought they were regular treats.
Our cat apparently has a sensitive stomach and threw up the pills, then kept on throwing up. After a couple of days hoping his system would get used to the pills, we asked for the cream. That has worked like a charm, thank goodness.
+4
HalfNote5
February 17, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Thanks! I’ll have to look and see if we have them at the pet supply shop.
+3
Mugsy Doodle
February 17, 2012 at 1:17 pm
Friesentl: I was being humorous. No cat in my life, I’m afraid.
As for pill pockets, you beat me to the punch. A friend’s cat has a heart murmur and has to take pills. He tried the pill pockets, but then discovered a mail-order pharmaceutical company that will mix the pill with a beef-flavored treat. The cat loves it.
friesentl: You are so lucky. All three of my cats can sense the pill and eat around it. Even when wrapped in their very favorite foods.
HalfNote5: Yeah, Taboolie. He’s our cranky little Boolie/Boo/BooBoo/Booman/Bouillabaisse/Ta-Boo. He doesn’t really care what we call him. As long as there’s food.
+6
friesentl
February 17, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Well get on the cat person train Mugsy – go get one! That sounds like a really awesome company, I’ll have to look into if if (god forbid) my cat ever needs long term medication.
+3
friesentl
February 17, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Steampunk: She’s not a very smart cat. Last night she ran into a door and the night before she thought the wall was attacking her. Which is great, because I can pull things like hidden pills on her and she’s none the wiser.
+8
HalfNote5
February 17, 2012 at 1:33 pm
well… Full disclosure: I’m not really a “cat person.”
I own three, but I’m allergic to them. Dermal allergies. Swell-up-and-bleed allergies. A pet I adopt has a lifetime contract with me, but at this point it’s like sharing my house with three ambulatory wads of poison ivy. My spouse pets and plays with them. I just feed and medicate them, and occasionally pet them with gloves or shoes.
+7
HalfNote5
February 17, 2012 at 1:35 pm
More full disclosure: I will cry like a little girl whose favorite ribbon was stolen when something finally happens to one of the little allergen balls.
An alternative to pill pockets is the cream cheese trick a vet taught me once. Roll the pill up in a small amount of cream cheese. Then roll up a ball of cream cheese about the same size. Put the ball on the end of your finger (it should stick) and hold it over the cat’s head so they have to tilt their head back to sniff and lick it. The ball should fall straight into their mouth. Then, since they’ve had the good experience with the cheese only, you do the same thing with the covered pill.
The tip of finger and over the head part are the important bits, after the cream cheese itself; you want it to fall into the back of the cat’s mouth and be swallowed before they realize what’s happened.
Rana: That is brilliant! Next time one of our ambulatory allergens needs pills, I am going to try that.
+2
researchgrrrl
February 17, 2012 at 4:58 pm
I did animal rescue at a no-kill shelter for years. Coating a pill in butter works a charm for getting dogs, cats, and ferrets.
+3
whimsiclefucker
February 17, 2012 at 6:05 pm
Our pitbull was friggin houdini, anything you put a pill in, he ate, and gracefully spit the pill on the floor, then smiled. So we mashed the pills into either a hardboiled egg yolk, or a small ball of PB and it was gone like BAM.
researchgrrrl: With another cat, I’d try butter. Taboolie is either allergic to cow (beef and dairy) or something in those items reacts with his insulin. He is such a special needs kitty.
It MEANS that the keys, having been struck thousands of times by these writers, have now been infused with their muses and all their hopes and dreams and wishes and fantasies.
The keys are magickal, damnit! I will even go so far as to say THEY’RE JELLICLE!
And keys struck several hundred times in an effort to bang out “Ode to Mittens” are not so much infused with writerly muse dust as they are Chee-toh dust, cat hair, boogers, food crumbs, personal fluids, and whatever’s been trapped under their fingernails recently.
It means that my psychotic cat has snuck out of the house and broken into the homes of people who get paid to write.
When she was idly popping the keys off MY laptop and pushing MY printer off the shelf (destroying it), it was just for fun. Now that she’s honed her craft, she has a new career as a KEYCYCLER.
Sigh. It’s such an old, old story. You work 2 jobs to support the cat, dry her tears when CAT FANCY rejects another manuscript, break out the catnip when she finally hits it big…THEN she goes off to hang out on the desk of Stephen King or (god help her!) Stephanie Meyer.
thesunshinevalentineballerina
February 17, 2012 at 12:39 pm
How do we define working? Getting paid for it? Pounding on a keyboard vs. staring at it hopelessly while waiting for inspiration to strike? Why is the word “actual” necessary here? What’s the opposite – fictional? (“Hi, I’m not a writer, but I play one on TV”) And “harvested”? Were they picked under a full moon and bathed in dew? This one sentence alone makes me insane. Hmmm, maybe commenting after my first day on Weight Watchers isn’t such a good idea….
cat shit for Christmas
February 17, 2012 at 9:50 am
someone has been spending waaay too much time alone , with her cats. and SHE’S clearly no cat writer as she neglected to say ” PURRRfect for book signings” psshh
Folks? Folks? Your attention please! OK, everyone line up in an orderly fashion behind me. The sooner we do this the quicker we can thumbsdown Whimsiclefucker and the closer we are to Happy Hour! I’ll go first…
“To be considered for membership in the CWA, you must include, along with your application and $30.00 fee, CAT-RELATED samples of your work published or publicly produced during the preceding 12 months (24 months for books). All work samples must be dated, include the publication’s name, and must contain significant “cat content”, not just mention cats in passing or use them as props or scenery.”
One cat-related work published in the past year for associate membership, two (or one book) for professional membership. Must be at least one-third about cats, and not portray cats in a negative manner.
I’m having such a grammargasm right now. The seller used the phrase “pride of place” correctly!! I’m always correcting copy editors and proofreaders who want to change it to “place of pride.”
I’m so glad no one else knew what the fuck a cat writer is, It makes me sad when I am the only one who has no idea what the crazy internet “thing” is on here. And I’m relieved I don’t have to learn about it from some tub-girl-esque video. So this was a win all around!
The Cat Writers Association of America is real and they have an annual conference. I’ll bet they get so tired of the “Oh, you run a conference? Gee, that must be like herding cats!”
(I had to look it up. I had no freaking idea these people we so organized.)
Okay I never comment on these things, but I have to say something because this is pertinent! Several months ago a friend of mine gave me a thrift store find of a photo album with pictures of NOTHING BUT CATS circa 1970′s. Cats jumping rooftops, cats playing, cats standing like a weird doll human begging for treats. It was ridiculous and beautiful and horrible.
There was also a single picture of a man with a jerry curl hair situation.
One of the pictures was covering up another so I decided to peel it back. On the back side of this picture was a single name: Stanley Baron.
And so my search began! I typed in his name to google and I found a “Diary of a Victorian Cat” book on Amazon with the authors name but with no link to his bio. I searched the illustrators name but it looks like she died a few years ago.
If cat writers are all the rage, I am going to take a chance and put my cat, Chaucer in charge of my next few listings. I guess that makes me a collective shop now.
key-cy-cled [kee-sahy-kuhld]
verb (used with object)
1. to treat or process (used or wasted keyboards found in a dumpster) so as to make suitable for revenge:
“Judge Judy, I borrowed him $500.00 from my tax refund so he could put spinners on his truck. I caught him behind the Burger King with my sister so I keycycled the truck and now we’re even.”
Did you know, if you put an infinite number of cats in a room with an infinite number of typewriters, you’d eventually get nothing because the cats would get bored and fuck off?
I was all “heh, this thread is awesome and I can’t believe how clever you all are” and then this made me weep for the thousands of aspiring catwriters that we think nothing of making sport of. Shame on us.
It’s ok kitty, we all get rejection letters. I keep them in a scrapbook that has become brittle and warped from the tears of a dream both deferred and denied. Maybe when I’m dead my daughter will find my manuscripts and they’ll be published.
Everything I typed look exactly like that creightonberyl – after I spilled water on a corner of the keyboard and couldn’t get a new keyboard until a week later.
forty-nine dollar suit
February 17, 2012 at 11:53 am
Where can I get that desk platform cat bed thing? My cat finds my hands and/or the keyboard too appealing to resist, but that thing just might entice her away.
DragonSpeak is an aid to people who are sight-impaired. CatWriter is aid to people who need psychiatric medications. Hey, stop with the disapproval already! I can make that joke because I am one … or some days both … of the above.
They were stolen from dollhouses. Those tiny cats are also in charge of a copper theft ring. It’s truly sad to see a whole neighborhood of doll houses without their gutters. But no one can catch the Cat Burglars.
But seriously…I have such an inordinate love of teeny tinies. When my mother in law found a fairly valuable wooden dollhouse by a famous dollhouse company I cannot recall from the 1940s in her neighbors attic, complete with solid hardwood walnut furniture, I almost passed out. She gave it to my four year old daughter but I wanted to claim it for my own and fill it with everything tiny down to teeny tiny toilet paper.
I know what you mean. I subscribe to a miniatures catalog just for the fun of looking. I’ll never attempt to build or decorate a dollhouse, but I can dream. I could always make a single room in a box, if I wish.
I have an 18-inch-tall Christmas tree and lots of miniature ornaments (some from Hallmark, many that I made myself or “repurposed”—a charm from a gift shop becomes an ornament, with some hanging thread, crocheted little ornaments, etc.). I’ve looked at the miniature moulding ovals…and think “Add a photo or picture and it’s a tree ornament!”
Back when I was looking for a job (like 6 months ago…yay recent employment!) I saw an ad on my Facebook page that said “Make a living writing about CATS!”
I ignored it. Moments later, I realized my grave mistake. Why did I not click on that? It was a freaking dream job!
Why is everything always “harvested”? Do they have to be gently levered out with a special magical screwdriver after not being watered for 40 hours under the shade of a flowering yew tree (I don’t even know if yew trees flower)
How about ripped out of actual smashed keyboards? Hmmm, doesn’t quite have the same crazy hipster cat lady ring to it, does it?
LOL! I am charmed that my cat necklace has engendered such a lively discussion! I thank you all for a delightful reading experience… The necklace has been sold to a real honest-to-goodness cat writer who absolutely loves it.
And yes, I did pry off every one of those keycaps myself, while standing in a huge crate of discarded keyboards. Visit an electronics recycling warehouse sometime; it’s fascinating!
Thanks, and Purrrrrrs…
wendycats
(Yes, I am a cat writer; I’m the author of “Outwitting Cats,” a very popular cat behavior book.)
February 17, 2012 at 9:32 am
It has to be some kind of new sexual perversion… Right?
February 17, 2012 at 9:42 am
No, this was made for those in the litterary profession.
February 17, 2012 at 9:49 am
I hate those types, walking around with their noses in the air, acting like their shit don’t stink. It’s apawlling.
February 17, 2012 at 10:01 am
You buried the lead on that story, Fluffy.
February 17, 2012 at 11:41 am
Let’s not kibble about the details. The necklace is ugly. End of story.
February 17, 2012 at 11:44 am
It’s not just ugly – it’s a complete catastrophe.
February 17, 2012 at 12:06 pm
Oh, I don’t know. I think it can go even further.
February 17, 2012 at 12:11 pm
Really? You got litterary but missed purrfession?
I’m so disappointed in you.
February 17, 2012 at 1:34 pm
LeeLoo, I constantly find myself mucho envious of your puns. Dear God, that was great.
February 17, 2012 at 10:46 am
I appreciate your optimism.
February 17, 2012 at 9:33 am
Is this something you wear while listening to the Beatles Paperback Writer and having the cat on your keyboard?
February 17, 2012 at 9:35 am
I instantly had ‘Paperback Writer’ stuck in my head after reading the title/description, your comment makes me feel more sane for my mind going there right away.
February 17, 2012 at 9:38 am
Litterbox Writer
It’s a dirty story of a dirty cat
About the places the kitty has shat…
February 17, 2012 at 1:48 pm
Oh goodie, I wasn’t the only one.
I was actually humming it, reading this, when my new kitty hopped up in my lap.
February 17, 2012 at 9:35 am
No, it’s definitely something you wear when listening to zydeco music and upcycling.
February 17, 2012 at 9:38 am
Aprils pictures were adorable, but I wouldn’t wear that necklace.
February 17, 2012 at 10:42 am
I’d wear that necklace, I’m not going to lie about that. Seriously, I’d wear it. It has kitties on it and it would confuse people. People rarely ever ask for clarification when they see something like that, they just walk past with a priceless look on their poor little normal faces.
February 17, 2012 at 12:26 pm
I. WOULD WEAR THE SHIT OUTTA THAT NECKLACE! Going to the grocery store?!? WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CAT WRITER NECKLACE! If I was single.. I would wear it to SINGLES PARTIES!!! And make sure my clothes are covered in cat hair.
Oh my god I would so wear it.
February 17, 2012 at 2:41 pm
Y’all would look great in it too!
February 17, 2012 at 5:34 pm
Yeah, cat hair all over my clothes would match it very well. That’s just understood. If I were single and wore it to a singles’ party, you can bet that I wouldn’t be leaving that party alone and I’d probably have someone stay for breakfast the next day.
February 17, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Cole Slaw can we be friends? Like go to the store together with out Cat Writer necklaces and scare people while sucking our friendship lollipops friends?
February 17, 2012 at 5:05 pm
And eat coleslaw! Never forget the coleslaw.
February 17, 2012 at 9:39 am
I instantly had the “Ghost Writer” opening credits (and the theme song we made up) in my head (yeah, my kid loved that show when she was a tween).
February 17, 2012 at 9:34 am
“I get my best ideas while sitting in the litterbox.”
February 17, 2012 at 1:37 pm
I’m convinced there’s a missing h in that statement.
February 17, 2012 at 9:34 am
If it weren’t for the keyboard keys, I would buy that necklace.
February 17, 2012 at 9:38 am
But they’re KEYCYCLED and already so dirty they got thrown away!
February 17, 2012 at 10:44 am
The artist for this piece must have recycled more than one keyboard. Keycycling is going to save the whole wide world!!
February 17, 2012 at 12:07 pm
And to think I’ve been giving my old keyboards to my parrot all these years (she has a blast picking the keys out).
February 17, 2012 at 10:14 am
I do like the round cat-face beads that almost don’t look like cat faces. Reminds me of a stylized Laurel Burch cat.
February 17, 2012 at 11:01 am
And the long beads remind me of claws. The seller really didn’t have to spell it out.
February 17, 2012 at 11:20 am
OMG, Steamy!* We think alike—as if that should surprise me!—see my reply to your calligraphy comment below.
Too early in the day for rum to celebrate?
*I hope I can call you Steamy. Your full name seems so formal and hell, we’ve hung out and reduced the rum supply on many an occasion.
February 17, 2012 at 11:36 am
Of course you can call me Steamy. And it’s never too early for rum. We are running a bit low (only 20 more cases), so grab a bottle and I’ll run down to the store to grab some more.
February 17, 2012 at 9:54 pm
So THAT’s why the rum’s gone!
February 17, 2012 at 9:53 pm
Seriously. Subtract the keys and it would be fairly awesome.
February 17, 2012 at 9:34 am
My cats won’t hold still long enough for me to write grocery lists or simple reminders on them. I call shenanigans.
February 17, 2012 at 11:23 am
They’d do better if you wore this necklace to show them what’s up. Also, try installing a key-cycled keyboard on them…that might help.
February 17, 2012 at 3:26 pm
Does this count?
February 17, 2012 at 9:34 am
First of all, we all know cats can’t spell. And don’t even get me started on their grammar.
Kat Riter would have been more accurate.
February 17, 2012 at 10:24 am
Someone had to post it:
February 17, 2012 at 10:53 am
I don’t mean to start a debate about this, but MOST cats are pretty damn near illiterate. They just get by because of their athletic ability and propensity to keep places free of mice and, in our educational system, that means they graduate from grade to grade as the teachers turn a blind eye. Maybe every now and then one will actually earn their grades and be able to write well, but those are so few and far between.
I’m just saying, I don’t want to get anything started. I love my cats dearly, but I am pretty sure that they plagiarize even the simplest of writings and they are drug addicts.
February 17, 2012 at 11:03 am
Oh I don’t doubt that they’re plagiarists and druggies. But they are most certainly literate plagiarists and druggies.
February 17, 2012 at 11:05 am
Madam, my best friend is a cat, and she wishes to respond to your comments. I turn the keyboard over to her:
rfgethsynku .k,jfesrfhjkyt,l,mhyt bdnbfgmss,j,m nbfv fdasgmx,utlrzymnjahsgf!
February 17, 2012 at 11:29 am
I wish I could thumbs-up that over and over.
February 17, 2012 at 12:08 pm
I’ve gotten many an IM from my sister’s ferrets that looked like that.
February 17, 2012 at 1:43 pm
I’ve gotten messages from my 3 and 4 year old nieces that look like that and they are really smart. Cats just can’t type properly… yet.
February 17, 2012 at 3:08 pm
Wow, your cat speaks ferret! Impressive.
On a related note, do you all know why they don’t use guinea pigs in call centers? It’s because they are slow typists because they have no thumbs.
February 17, 2012 at 11:51 am
I’ll agree that cats are terrible spellers and not so hot at grammar most of the time. But mine at least seems to have mastered the concept of the independent claws.
February 17, 2012 at 12:16 pm
I always figured that they got by on good looks alone.
February 17, 2012 at 12:25 pm
That and knowing where you sleep.
February 17, 2012 at 2:55 pm
I told my cat every day last week that I was taking her to the vet on Saturday, but when the day rolled around and I was sticking her in the carrier she acted all surprised, as if that was the first she had heard of it.
I’m beginning to think she’s just pretending to listen when I talk to her and that she really doesn’t understand a thing I say.
February 17, 2012 at 3:23 pm
Cats are like teenagers in that respect. It’s not that they don’t understand, it’s just that they aren’t listening.
February 17, 2012 at 3:53 pm
I’d just like to pause and note that there are now 15 comments (layered 5 deep)debating feline orthographic skills.
February 17, 2012 at 5:36 pm
So? Do you have a point?
February 17, 2012 at 9:34 am
God, that middle cat looks like an animal cracker. I’m so fucking hungry I can’t even make joke about the beads coming out of those cats’ asses! This seller is going on the list.
February 17, 2012 at 9:35 am
Does one dip the cat’s tail in ink and attempt to compose a novel? Using a cat to write sounds dangerous to me. Claws, you know.
February 17, 2012 at 11:08 am
But think of the calligraphy you could do with the claws!
February 17, 2012 at 11:17 am
I thought (hoped?) that the longish beads in the necklace were claws. Bummer.
February 17, 2012 at 4:28 pm
My new cat looks like someone dipped his tail in ink to write with. I’ve tried seeing if it leaves marks, but he pulls it away and wanders off in search of food when I do.
Really, I’m surprised I haven’t lost a hand to trying that.
February 20, 2012 at 11:07 am
There’s still time.
February 17, 2012 at 9:35 am
I’m sure there’s a huge market for Cat Writer merch.
February 17, 2012 at 9:35 am
That “Nautical Cat Erotic Poetry” shelf at Barnes & Noble won’t fill itself!
February 17, 2012 at 9:35 am
the cats are carved from BONE. what animal did they come from?!
February 17, 2012 at 9:36 am
Dog, ironically.
February 17, 2012 at 9:55 am
I was hoping for cat
February 17, 2012 at 10:13 am
HUMAN bone. buwahahahaha
February 17, 2012 at 11:33 am
You’re proof that cats can type and use the caps lock key. Congrats!
February 17, 2012 at 3:09 pm
Milk.
M00.
February 17, 2012 at 9:35 am
Am I supposed to know what a cat writer is?
February 17, 2012 at 9:38 am
Rita Mae Brown? Lillian Jackson Braun? Dr. Seuss?
February 17, 2012 at 3:52 pm
TS Eliot?
February 17, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Carole Nelson Douglas has a great series set in Vegas.
February 17, 2012 at 10:06 am
It’s a little ambiguous, isn’t it? I feel like this seller is trying to cross over between the people-who-write-about-cats market, the cats-that-write-things market, and the people-who-write-things-using-cats-as-implements market. Ambitious.
February 17, 2012 at 11:24 am
All I can think is one of those atrocious pseudo-mystery novels where the cat solves the case in the end by mistaking the poisoned tampon for a toy mouse and carries it to its sassy-stay-at-home-mom-turned-detective owner.
February 17, 2012 at 2:58 pm
No, the cat solved the case by wandering around all over the neighborhood, and the kidnapped lady put her watch around the cat’s neck like a collar.
February 17, 2012 at 3:24 pm
Wasn’t that from That Darn Cat?
One “cat writer” makes it big in the ’60s and everyone wants to get in on the act. ; )
February 17, 2012 at 4:07 pm
Hayley
or Christina
Either way I’m cool with it.
February 17, 2012 at 11:33 am
Oh sweet jesus. Thanks LADY THAT MADE THIS NECKLACE.
I have tales of my cats in a blog, and…
I guess there really is no redeeming myself, it’s out there for the world to see.I write about them.
Does it help that there is lot of swearing in it?
..fucking cat writer necklace. She ruined my life!!!
(thought I’d throw a touch of dramatic flair)
February 17, 2012 at 11:45 am
That was good! But, if I may, perhaps a look at the director of “I Heart Huckabees” throwing a temper tantrum would be inspirational?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4Qls1rAfYs&feature=player_embedded
February 17, 2012 at 4:28 pm
All I had to see was this ‘director’ and ‘temper tantrum’ to know this was the director George Clooney understandably almost killed. (Scroll to the bottom, you’ll see the relevant excerpt.)
I think that should be the new standard for adult tantrums: if you can provoke Clooney into assaulting you, you’ve hit the abuse-and-histrionics sweet spot.
February 17, 2012 at 3:53 pm
I now have this picture of DIY-ers using cats as tools.
February 17, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Duh, where have you been? Get with it!
http://www.catwriters.org/
http://confessionsofacatwriter.blogspot.com/
February 18, 2012 at 11:13 am
I checked out one, and it was depressing as hell! I do believe mine is still funnier with more swearing. And cats.
February 17, 2012 at 6:52 pm
It’s a fucking elistist clique and if you don’t know you aren’t supposed to know. Kind of like the FreeMasons.
February 17, 2012 at 9:42 pm
Be very careful of that second link Mystik posted. The top entry is a heartbreaking story with gruesome photos.
I kind of like the necklace — nice color scheme and those cat beads are adorable — but I’d like it better without the keys spelling a WTF? saying.
February 17, 2012 at 9:36 am
WTF is “writerly?” And those cats have the same disinterested stare as any cat I’ve ever seen.
February 17, 2012 at 9:41 am
I assume Writerly was typed by the cat
February 17, 2012 at 11:53 am
The literary version of “painterly,” perhaps?
February 18, 2012 at 7:38 am
I’ve seen “writerly” used in books about writing.
It’s sort of one step down from “literary”.
February 17, 2012 at 9:36 am
Reading between the lines, if you squint you can just pick out ‘I am so lonely’.
Also, kittens with tiny phones! I would like to place an order for those at once.
February 17, 2012 at 1:22 pm
Reading between the lines, the artist is clearly suffering from a full blown case of Cat Scratch Fever.
February 17, 2012 at 2:31 pm
My mom got cat scratch fever once. She was recovering from it when I first brought my now-husband to meet her. Mom’s not that good at remembering nouns, though, and told him she had feline leukemia. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to choke.
February 17, 2012 at 3:00 pm
Quit laughin’. I was once diagnosed with distemper.
February 17, 2012 at 3:15 pm
Distemper! Oh no! I guess it still ….
OH NO, I’ve lost my BACKBONE (or nads). I can’t bring myself to say snark on PMP.
I suck. Push the RED button, Frank.
February 17, 2012 at 6:22 pm
The photo of the kittens with the tiny phones looks like the work of Laurie Cinotto from the Itty Bitty Kitty Committee blog http://www.theittybittykittycommittee.com/
The photographer of the image should be given credit in this post.
February 17, 2012 at 7:01 pm
I agree, but I don’t know who did it. It was sent to me by a reader months ago.
I don’t see it in the link you provided. But if anyone sees the photo with credit, let me know and I will make sure it’s linked appropriately.
February 17, 2012 at 9:31 pm
Here’s the link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lalalaurie/3620744384/in/set-72157619167749265 The photo is Laurie Cinotto’s, but it was posted on flickr, not the IBKC blog.
February 17, 2012 at 9:46 pm
Thank you very much! I have linked the image.
February 17, 2012 at 9:36 am
Wait… are we still doing the Esty or Regretsy thing? Very funny HK, ha ha, you had me going for a minute there.
February 17, 2012 at 9:36 am
“Keycycled”? Is that a thing now? I don’t think that’s a thing.
February 17, 2012 at 10:58 am
Apparently it’s a thing now!
February 17, 2012 at 11:48 am
Keycycling is what you do with old keyboards that have been keyclawed.
February 17, 2012 at 10:06 pm
That word… I do not think it means what she thinks it means… or anything, for that matter.
February 17, 2012 at 9:39 am
Purr-oudly?
Me-ouch!
February 17, 2012 at 9:41 am
It’s kismet — the next post on my FB feed was to this:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/animals/cats-as-fonts — fonts and the cats who clearly inspired them.
February 17, 2012 at 9:44 am
And I thought it was going to be a font created from cat silhouettes.
Although seeing a cat with a top hat and monocle is always worthwhile.
February 17, 2012 at 10:01 am
Mine was this:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Animal-Thoughts-Pea-Horsley-Professional-Animal-Communicator-UK/211005028997793
February 17, 2012 at 9:42 am
I’m imagining a Cat Writer to be something a cat meows into and it spits out a translation on a piece of paper.
February 17, 2012 at 9:42 am
I think this is because of Louis vs Rick and the crafter thinks that Louis is actually texting Rick.
CAPSLOCK IS HOW I FEEL ALL THE TIME
Here is a link for the too-lazy-to-google crowd: http://louisvsrick.com/post/258980760/episode-1-the-ping
February 17, 2012 at 9:48 am
I love Louis vs. Rick. I used the CAPSLOCK IS HOW I FEEL ALL THE TIME line on my boyfriend. He didn’t get it. Which made me feel even more capslock-y.
February 17, 2012 at 9:52 am
My two new favorite things to say are the capslock thing (really should be a sampler), and
“All the dialogue is either whispered or shouted… and everything is on fire.”
February 17, 2012 at 11:01 am
OMG thank you for introducing me to that. Love it.
“It’s a laser pointer, Louis” might be my favorite line yet.
February 17, 2012 at 11:17 am
Oh, that just got favorited. Thanks!
February 17, 2012 at 3:51 pm
Yeah. Those bad black cats. They live here.
February 17, 2012 at 9:45 am
You know this thing is going to have cat hair stuck all over it.
February 17, 2012 at 9:55 am
Along with the essence of cat urine.
February 17, 2012 at 9:57 am
But are they non-smoking cats? Cause then it’s OK.
February 17, 2012 at 10:55 am
Cat’s don’t smoke
They roll.
February 17, 2012 at 11:26 am
Woah. If that’s catnip, I do NOT wanna be around when it kicks in.
February 17, 2012 at 11:47 am
Okay people. We’re going to need someone to clean up the floor and someone else to vacuum the cat. Volunteers?
btw… not me!
February 17, 2012 at 12:24 pm
No, sorry, I’m scheduled to give the cat a pill. Shame I wore a white shirt today.
http://www.nanceestar.com/CatPill.html
February 17, 2012 at 12:38 pm
Mugsy: UGH. I feel for ya. My cat’s on thyroid meds. Little pink pill twice a day. We kinda have it down to a science at this point, but even after a year he hasn’t learned that it’s MUCH better on the days he doesn’t pitch a fit.
February 17, 2012 at 12:46 pm
HalfNote5: One of my cats is on thyroid meds as well. Are you aware that there is a topical cream you could use instead of the pills? It’s slightly more expensive, but truly worth it. If only to avoid the trauma and band-aid moments of giving a cat a pill.
February 17, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Yeah, but the other cats lick the cream, and then their little thyroids shut down.
I DO appreciate the advice though, and it’d be an excellent idea if not for the other one’s propensity to lick stuff she shouldn’t.
February 17, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Also, a word of advice if you have the pills: get the coated pills. They won’t tell you, but coated or uncoated, it’s the same drug they give humans for hyperthyroidism, and they don’t recommend anyone but the thyroid patients themselves handing those.
Veterinary offices will tell the staff not to handle it for prolonged periods, so use a glove with the cream, too.
February 17, 2012 at 12:58 pm
Yeah, that’s a problem. We’re lucky in that Taboolie isn’t the friendly sort The other cats don’t have a chance at getting that close.
February 17, 2012 at 1:03 pm
Definitely. if it were our crazy one, the cream would be ideal. Since it’s the friendly one, it takes about 0.3 seconds to go from “administration of cream” to “Delicious Magic Ear-buffet of Thyroid Suppression”
February 17, 2012 at 1:05 pm
P.S. “Taboolie?” Love it.
February 17, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Mugsy and HalfNote, have you tried pill pockets? They’re treats made to hold pills. My cat came from a shelter that was fancy (yay for Orange County CA!) and they had her on anti-depressants. They gave me some pill pockets to use as I weaned her off the meds. She loves them, thought they were regular treats.
February 17, 2012 at 1:09 pm
Our cat apparently has a sensitive stomach and threw up the pills, then kept on throwing up. After a couple of days hoping his system would get used to the pills, we asked for the cream. That has worked like a charm, thank goodness.
February 17, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Thanks! I’ll have to look and see if we have them at the pet supply shop.
February 17, 2012 at 1:17 pm
Friesentl: I was being humorous. No cat in my life, I’m afraid.
As for pill pockets, you beat me to the punch. A friend’s cat has a heart murmur and has to take pills. He tried the pill pockets, but then discovered a mail-order pharmaceutical company that will mix the pill with a beef-flavored treat. The cat loves it.
February 17, 2012 at 1:19 pm
friesentl: You are so lucky. All three of my cats can sense the pill and eat around it. Even when wrapped in their very favorite foods.
HalfNote5: Yeah, Taboolie. He’s our cranky little Boolie/Boo/BooBoo/Booman/Bouillabaisse/Ta-Boo. He doesn’t really care what we call him. As long as there’s food.
February 17, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Well get on the cat person train Mugsy – go get one!
That sounds like a really awesome company, I’ll have to look into if if (god forbid) my cat ever needs long term medication.
February 17, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Steampunk: She’s not a very smart cat. Last night she ran into a door and the night before she thought the wall was attacking her. Which is great, because I can pull things like hidden pills on her and she’s none the wiser.
February 17, 2012 at 1:33 pm
well… Full disclosure: I’m not really a “cat person.”
I own three, but I’m allergic to them. Dermal allergies. Swell-up-and-bleed allergies. A pet I adopt has a lifetime contract with me, but at this point it’s like sharing my house with three ambulatory wads of poison ivy. My spouse pets and plays with them. I just feed and medicate them, and occasionally pet them with gloves or shoes.
February 17, 2012 at 1:35 pm
More full disclosure: I will cry like a little girl whose favorite ribbon was stolen when something finally happens to one of the little allergen balls.
February 17, 2012 at 1:44 pm
An alternative to pill pockets is the cream cheese trick a vet taught me once. Roll the pill up in a small amount of cream cheese. Then roll up a ball of cream cheese about the same size. Put the ball on the end of your finger (it should stick) and hold it over the cat’s head so they have to tilt their head back to sniff and lick it. The ball should fall straight into their mouth. Then, since they’ve had the good experience with the cheese only, you do the same thing with the covered pill.
The tip of finger and over the head part are the important bits, after the cream cheese itself; you want it to fall into the back of the cat’s mouth and be swallowed before they realize what’s happened.
February 17, 2012 at 3:28 pm
Rana: That is brilliant! Next time one of our ambulatory allergens needs pills, I am going to try that.
February 17, 2012 at 4:58 pm
I did animal rescue at a no-kill shelter for years. Coating a pill in butter works a charm for getting dogs, cats, and ferrets.
February 17, 2012 at 6:05 pm
Our pitbull was friggin houdini, anything you put a pill in, he ate, and gracefully spit the pill on the floor, then smiled. So we mashed the pills into either a hardboiled egg yolk, or a small ball of PB and it was gone like BAM.
February 17, 2012 at 7:24 pm
researchgrrrl: With another cat, I’d try butter. Taboolie is either allergic to cow (beef and dairy) or something in those items reacts with his insulin. He is such a special needs kitty.
February 17, 2012 at 7:25 pm
Oh shoot. I think I didn’t close italics. Sorry!
February 17, 2012 at 9:46 am
It’s a “conversation-starter” alright, one that will inevitably end with the other person running away.
Also: KeyCycled, writerly? Is she trying to win a prize for most made up words in a single Etsy product description?
February 17, 2012 at 9:48 am
ok, kitten bidding war just won the whole morning for me.
February 17, 2012 at 9:49 am
“Harvested from the discarded keyboards of actual working writers”?
What the hell does this mean?!?
February 17, 2012 at 9:57 am
Pffft!
It MEANS that the keys, having been struck thousands of times by these writers, have now been infused with their muses and all their hopes and dreams and wishes and fantasies.
The keys are magickal, damnit! I will even go so far as to say THEY’RE JELLICLE!
February 17, 2012 at 10:31 am
It means SHE LIES.
The keys, having been struck hundreds of thousands of times, have the letters worn off them.
February 17, 2012 at 11:28 am
Right. So shit writer tries her hand at shit jewelry maker? Got it.
February 17, 2012 at 12:15 pm
And keys struck several hundred times in an effort to bang out “Ode to Mittens” are not so much infused with writerly muse dust as they are Chee-toh dust, cat hair, boogers, food crumbs, personal fluids, and whatever’s been trapped under their fingernails recently.
February 17, 2012 at 11:04 am
It’s all metaphor…it all makes sense. Ahhh..the beauty of the written word and the imagination of cats and human beings alike. Powerful…powerful.
February 17, 2012 at 10:00 am
They’ve had booze and tears spilled on them. Mostly booze. Maybe some Doritos grease, too.
February 17, 2012 at 10:30 am
It means that my psychotic cat has snuck out of the house and broken into the homes of people who get paid to write.
When she was idly popping the keys off MY laptop and pushing MY printer off the shelf (destroying it), it was just for fun. Now that she’s honed her craft, she has a new career as a KEYCYCLER.
February 17, 2012 at 10:47 am
Sigh. It’s such an old, old story. You work 2 jobs to support the cat, dry her tears when CAT FANCY rejects another manuscript, break out the catnip when she finally hits it big…THEN she goes off to hang out on the desk of Stephen King or (god help her!) Stephanie Meyer.
February 17, 2012 at 11:05 am
Keycyling scrap yards are popping up all over the place. Get with the times, peeps.
February 17, 2012 at 12:39 pm
How do we define working? Getting paid for it? Pounding on a keyboard vs. staring at it hopelessly while waiting for inspiration to strike? Why is the word “actual” necessary here? What’s the opposite – fictional? (“Hi, I’m not a writer, but I play one on TV”) And “harvested”? Were they picked under a full moon and bathed in dew? This one sentence alone makes me insane. Hmmm, maybe commenting after my first day on Weight Watchers isn’t such a good idea….
Carry on.
February 17, 2012 at 1:19 pm
Good luck with WW!
February 17, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Thank you!
February 17, 2012 at 9:50 am
someone has been spending waaay too much time alone , with her cats. and SHE’S clearly no cat writer as she neglected to say ” PURRRfect for book signings” psshh
February 17, 2012 at 9:50 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 17, 2012 at 9:51 am
this is a thing? http://www.catwriters.org/
February 17, 2012 at 9:54 am
Oooh. I think the Communications Workers of America are going to visit these people and make them change their acronym.
February 17, 2012 at 10:01 am
“A newsletter, MEOW, is published quarterly and available to members only”
Just in case you wanted to lose a little more of your faith in humanity today.
February 17, 2012 at 10:02 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 17, 2012 at 10:12 am
(Don’t worry about it; FJLs are very organized.)
Folks? Folks? Your attention please! OK, everyone line up in an orderly fashion behind me. The sooner we do this the quicker we can thumbsdown Whimsiclefucker and the closer we are to Happy Hour! I’ll go first…
February 17, 2012 at 11:32 am
So, I can’t find a pic of the person who runs the website, but Matt Groening did a lovely rendering:
February 17, 2012 at 12:11 pm
I could always snap some pics of my neighbor.
February 17, 2012 at 12:44 pm
That’s me!
February 18, 2012 at 7:46 am
“To be considered for membership in the CWA, you must include, along with your application and $30.00 fee, CAT-RELATED samples of your work published or publicly produced during the preceding 12 months (24 months for books). All work samples must be dated, include the publication’s name, and must contain significant “cat content”, not just mention cats in passing or use them as props or scenery.”
One cat-related work published in the past year for associate membership, two (or one book) for professional membership. Must be at least one-third about cats, and not portray cats in a negative manner.
February 17, 2012 at 9:55 am
I’m having such a grammargasm right now. The seller used the phrase “pride of place” correctly!! I’m always correcting copy editors and proofreaders who want to change it to “place of pride.”
I’m so excited I’ve gotten a headache.
February 17, 2012 at 11:07 am
And yet you didn’t have a CAPSLOCK panic attack? I am so proud of you! You know that this means the meds are working, right?
February 17, 2012 at 11:15 am
Yup, and all the pills are such pretty colors!
February 17, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Eh, for me it’s outweighed by the fact that she didn’t use a serial comma there at the end.
Also, it should be “writers’ conferences.”
February 17, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Are you anti serial comma?
February 17, 2012 at 12:31 pm
No, I’m all for the serial comma. Much less likely to result in confusion.
February 17, 2012 at 12:40 pm
February 17, 2012 at 9:59 am
I’m so glad no one else knew what the fuck a cat writer is, It makes me sad when I am the only one who has no idea what the crazy internet “thing” is on here. And I’m relieved I don’t have to learn about it from some tub-girl-esque video. So this was a win all around!
February 17, 2012 at 10:02 am
The Cat Writers Association of America is real and they have an annual conference. I’ll bet they get so tired of the “Oh, you run a conference? Gee, that must be like herding cats!”
(I had to look it up. I had no freaking idea these people we so organized.)
February 17, 2012 at 10:15 am
They insist that there are no electric can openers allowed inside the building.
February 17, 2012 at 11:25 am
Even the hand can openers are a problem for some.
February 17, 2012 at 11:35 am
Pipe the sound of the can opener over the P.A. system of the convention center to see what happens.
February 17, 2012 at 11:48 am
Better than the Bat-Signal!
February 17, 2012 at 12:13 pm
My cat is savvy to the pop top cans.
February 17, 2012 at 10:10 am
Here’s a “box-cat-esque” video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPzNl6NKAG0
February 17, 2012 at 10:00 am
On top of this, like, forever ago: http://typecats.tumblr.com/
Catwriters are huge, now and forever.
February 17, 2012 at 10:03 am
Okay I never comment on these things, but I have to say something because this is pertinent! Several months ago a friend of mine gave me a thrift store find of a photo album with pictures of NOTHING BUT CATS circa 1970′s. Cats jumping rooftops, cats playing, cats standing like a weird doll human begging for treats. It was ridiculous and beautiful and horrible.
There was also a single picture of a man with a jerry curl hair situation.
One of the pictures was covering up another so I decided to peel it back. On the back side of this picture was a single name: Stanley Baron.
And so my search began! I typed in his name to google and I found a “Diary of a Victorian Cat” book on Amazon with the authors name but with no link to his bio. I searched the illustrators name but it looks like she died a few years ago.
Any detectives with a lot of time on their hands?
February 17, 2012 at 10:04 am
If cat writers are all the rage, I am going to take a chance and put my cat, Chaucer in charge of my next few listings. I guess that makes me a collective shop now.
February 17, 2012 at 10:21 am
Chaucer looks as if he’d daydreaming. Certainly not of a Bath, I’m sure! (Oh, please, I’m an English major. I can’t resist a Chaucer joke!)
February 17, 2012 at 3:04 pm
I think I love you. So many people stare blindly at me when I tell them his name.
February 17, 2012 at 11:16 am
With a name like Chaucer, he’s bound to come up with better descriptions than most cupcakes.
February 17, 2012 at 11:36 am
Whann that Aprill Comme, wey bryngest fuckeryie moast fynne to Etsye.
February 17, 2012 at 1:57 pm
BRILLIANT!
February 17, 2012 at 8:52 pm
Oh man, that’s gotta be done all up in calligraphy and illuminated and shit.
February 17, 2012 at 12:18 pm
My cat, Lemmiwinks, seems to be too busy at the moment to bother with my shop:
February 17, 2012 at 10:10 am
key-cy-cled [kee-sahy-kuhld]
verb (used with object)
1. to treat or process (used or wasted keyboards found in a dumpster) so as to make suitable for revenge:
“Judge Judy, I borrowed him $500.00 from my tax refund so he could put spinners on his truck. I caught him behind the Burger King with my sister so I keycycled the truck and now we’re even.”
February 17, 2012 at 10:10 am
Well, if it was on Judge Judy, it must be valid.
February 17, 2012 at 10:15 am
cat necklace with keyboard keys: so you never have to have sex again.
February 17, 2012 at 10:20 am
February 17, 2012 at 10:21 am
What is this?
Cats are terrible writers. Everyone knows that. Ferrets are the true literary geniuses.
February 17, 2012 at 11:26 am
That’s racist.
February 17, 2012 at 11:57 am
Wouldn’t it speciesist?
Look…I’ll have my cat type right now…
iob9ehhhhhhhhhhhh5547 biouiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
See? That’s terrible.
February 17, 2012 at 12:13 pm
First, yes, it’s speciesest.
Second, DON’T YELL AT YOUR CAT! Who’s going to type well with someone yelling at them?
February 17, 2012 at 12:15 pm
Pfft…I didn’t yell..he’d never have his manuscript ready to hand in by the deadline.
Someone had to keep him motivated.
February 17, 2012 at 10:25 am
keycycled sent me over the edge. now we can put any word/jumbling of letters before “cycled” and it becomes a thing?
February 17, 2012 at 10:37 am
Did you know, if you put an infinite number of cats in a room with an infinite number of typewriters, you’d eventually get nothing because the cats would get bored and fuck off?
February 17, 2012 at 10:38 am
They’re “non-working” writers because half their keyboard keys are now around their necks. Which is gonna make for interesting spelling.
February 17, 2012 at 10:47 am
February 17, 2012 at 11:47 am
I was all “heh, this thread is awesome and I can’t believe how clever you all are” and then this made me weep for the thousands of aspiring catwriters that we think nothing of making sport of. Shame on us.
February 17, 2012 at 4:15 pm
No one cries for the aspiring catwriters.
Except you, I suppose.
February 17, 2012 at 2:52 pm
It’s ok kitty, we all get rejection letters. I keep them in a scrapbook that has become brittle and warped from the tears of a dream both deferred and denied. Maybe when I’m dead my daughter will find my manuscripts and they’ll be published.
And she’ll get all the money.
sigh.
February 17, 2012 at 10:53 am
If she would just yank off those dirty used keyboard tabs, this would be kind of a cute necklace.
February 17, 2012 at 11:06 am
I tried being a cat writer once, but the cat objected to being dipped in ink.
February 17, 2012 at 11:09 am
They plagiarize.
February 17, 2012 at 11:11 am
Fuck me I actually LIKE that thing. I had to go favorite it. I have so little self respect anymore.
February 17, 2012 at 11:22 am
I like it, too. It’s funny. It would go with some of my t-shirts…
YAY!
February 17, 2012 at 11:12 am
February 17, 2012 at 11:14 am
(Psst, Lemon Bombs? Beautiful cat, but he can’t spell. Just saying.)
February 17, 2012 at 11:44 am
His ass can’t spell.
February 17, 2012 at 12:26 pm
And he’s like to buy a
bowelvowel.February 17, 2012 at 12:49 pm
I thought his last piece was very moving. (Ba-dumm Tshhh)
February 17, 2012 at 1:20 pm
Gives new meaning to “writer’s block.”
February 17, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Genius!
February 17, 2012 at 11:14 am
Hmmm. _here s__m _o b_ som_ k_ys m_ss_ng from my _ompu___ k_ybo_rd.
February 17, 2012 at 12:33 pm
Everything I typed look exactly like that creightonberyl – after I spilled water on a corner of the keyboard and couldn’t get a new keyboard until a week later.
February 17, 2012 at 11:18 am
In a perfect world, I’ll one day go to a book signing for one of the older, crazier authors I follow and find this around her neck.
February 17, 2012 at 11:53 am
Where can I get that desk platform cat bed thing? My cat finds my hands and/or the keyboard too appealing to resist, but that thing just might entice her away.
February 17, 2012 at 12:54 pm
Overstock:
http://www.overstock.com/Pet-Supplies/The-Refined-Feline-Kitt-in-Box-Desktop-Cat-Bed/5216182/product.html
February 17, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Tried writing with a cat once. Didn’t work so well. Ended with 13 stitches and a rabies shot.
February 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm
Tried being a cat writer once, but my pen kept getting clogged with fur.
February 17, 2012 at 12:37 pm
I have GOT to stop reading Regretsy at work on the shitter. The person next to me scurried out pretty quick.
February 17, 2012 at 12:50 pm
DragonSpeak is an aid to people who are sight-impaired. CatWriter is aid to people who need psychiatric medications. Hey, stop with the disapproval already! I can make that joke because I am one … or some days both … of the above.
February 17, 2012 at 12:54 pm
We’ve covered almost everything that needs to be covered in this post, but as a lover of very tiny things….
WHERE DID THE BIDDING WAR CATS FIND THOSE TINY PHONES? I NEEEEEEEED THEM. NEEEEEED NEEEED.
February 17, 2012 at 1:02 pm
They were stolen from dollhouses. Those tiny cats are also in charge of a copper theft ring. It’s truly sad to see a whole neighborhood of doll houses without their gutters. But no one can catch the Cat Burglars.
February 17, 2012 at 1:09 pm
Please don’t call out criminals on Regretsy. It’s totes rude.
February 17, 2012 at 1:14 pm
But seriously…I have such an inordinate love of teeny tinies. When my mother in law found a fairly valuable wooden dollhouse by a famous dollhouse company I cannot recall from the 1940s in her neighbors attic, complete with solid hardwood walnut furniture, I almost passed out. She gave it to my four year old daughter but I wanted to claim it for my own and fill it with everything tiny down to teeny tiny toilet paper.
I LOVE TINY THINGS YOU GUYS
February 17, 2012 at 1:28 pm
I know what you mean. I subscribe to a miniatures catalog just for the fun of looking. I’ll never attempt to build or decorate a dollhouse, but I can dream. I could always make a single room in a box, if I wish.
I have an 18-inch-tall Christmas tree and lots of miniature ornaments (some from Hallmark, many that I made myself or “repurposed”—a charm from a gift shop becomes an ornament, with some hanging thread, crocheted little ornaments, etc.). I’ve looked at the miniature moulding ovals…and think “Add a photo or picture and it’s a tree ornament!”
February 17, 2012 at 3:33 pm
Admit it, textbookjess. You don’t need the tiny phones. Your cats do.
And they need to put down the gun and untie you right now.
February 17, 2012 at 12:55 pm
Back when I was looking for a job (like 6 months ago…yay recent employment!) I saw an ad on my Facebook page that said “Make a living writing about CATS!”
I ignored it. Moments later, I realized my grave mistake. Why did I not click on that? It was a freaking dream job!
February 17, 2012 at 1:44 pm
This necklace wins first prize!
February 17, 2012 at 2:07 pm
But where do they get actual discarded keyboards from real working writers?!
February 17, 2012 at 2:54 pm
There’s no way that “A” key came off a real writer’s keyboard. The letters wear off the “A” and “S” keys long before the keyboard dies.
February 17, 2012 at 6:06 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 17, 2012 at 7:29 pm
It’s not a “thing.” It’s just a thing. Check in the comments above; there’s a link and everything.
February 17, 2012 at 8:01 pm
Now I want to read the ‘The Cat Who’ series of mysteries again. I’ll say it. I loved those!
And that necklace is pretty awesome, even with the loony keys. I’d have preferred them in scrabble tiles to match the wood and bone, obviously.
February 19, 2012 at 3:26 am
Why is everything always “harvested”? Do they have to be gently levered out with a special magical screwdriver after not being watered for 40 hours under the shade of a flowering yew tree (I don’t even know if yew trees flower)
How about ripped out of actual smashed keyboards? Hmmm, doesn’t quite have the same crazy hipster cat lady ring to it, does it?
February 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm
OMG, I want to move in with all of you people. Or adopt you. Or something. I haven’t laughed this much in … ever.
February 22, 2012 at 10:53 pm
“This necklace is a real conversation-starter — perfect for book signings, author visits, writers conferences and other writerly activities.”
Also perfect if you are a social-pariah fond of writing slash fiction about Starsky & Hutch!
May 15, 2012 at 9:01 pm
Hello, Regretsy-ers…
LOL! I am charmed that my cat necklace has engendered such a lively discussion! I thank you all for a delightful reading experience… The necklace has been sold to a real honest-to-goodness cat writer who absolutely loves it.
And yes, I did pry off every one of those keycaps myself, while standing in a huge crate of discarded keyboards. Visit an electronics recycling warehouse sometime; it’s fascinating!
Thanks, and Purrrrrrs…
wendycats
(Yes, I am a cat writer; I’m the author of “Outwitting Cats,” a very popular cat behavior book.)