Also: Hope like hell that no sadistic woman is around to slam the bible closed. Because that’s the first thought that popped into my head after reading that.
I am pretending so hard right now that it’s secretly fuckery the seller is giggling madly about posting. I am not checking the seller’s store, where my make-believe will only be shattered.
Also, I hope that turns up in somebody’s bag at the NY CF4L meetup.
Sean Connery: I’ve got to ask you about the Penis Mightier. Alex Trebek: What? No. No, no, that is The Pen is Mightier. Sean Connery: Gussy it up however you want, Trebek. What matters is does it work? Will it really mighty my penis, man? Alex Trebek: It’s not a product, Mr. Connery. Sean Connery: Because I’ve ordered devices like that before – wasted a pretty penny, I don’t mind telling you. And if The Penis Mightier works, I’ll order a dozen. Alex Trebek: It’s not a Penis Mightier, Mr. Connery. There’s no such thing! Nicholas Cage: Wait, wait, wait.. are you selling Penis Mightiers? Alex Trebek: No! No, I’m not. Sean Connery: Well, you’re sitting on a gold mine, Trebek!
chix_nuggets_r_all_lips_and_aholes
February 16, 2012 at 9:34 am
I am going to politely disagree with the first and feel like that one most resembles a present your dog might leave you when you neglect to fill his bowl.
the bedazzled cock’n'balls is something I wish I had for my prom. that is glorious shit glued to other shit fuckery right there.
Years ago, when he was in Congress, I saw him on the streets of DC. I booed at him and flipped him off. When asked why I did that, I said, “Because I didn’t have anything to throw and it was too far to spit.” True story.
He looks a bit like Jerry Seinfeld. That’s it. Oh, and when I look at Santorum I think of the definition coined by one of Dan Savage’s readers, which will live in Internet infamy:
Santorum: The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.
chix_nuggets_r_all_lips_and_aholes
February 16, 2012 at 10:34 am
Manglaze nail polishes (the owners would fin in woderfully here) immortalized this by creating a wonderful brown polish by the name of Santorum. It is the only time I will be happy to have Santorum on my hands.
I think they don’t realize they’re just bad artists. They’re seeing shrimp cocktail or liberty cap mushroom (which would be a great name for a cervical cap, btw), but they’re not seeing how unlike the actual things they are.
Sort of like body image vs. reality. What you see in the mirror isn’t what you see in a photograph.
Seeing anything in the shape of a penis that is simultaneously covered with multi-faceted sharp pointy bits makes my girl parts want to climb up inside my body and hide.
Is the seller of the turkey platter on crack? What’s with the poem? LOL shit, why not just come out and say I found this ugly ass platter in my grandma’s attic, please buy it;)
And that shrimp penis pendant with sparkle jizz is just the epitome of Etsy isn’t it? Bravo!
Her poem is FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC: (from the listing)
“Turkey Lurkey Shmirkey Furkey
The cow jumped over the moon
The little dog laughed
To see such a snood
He ate the platter and not his food”
And the ’90s wanted everyone to be vintage, to the old days in the ’70s when the Bedazzler first came on the market. Back then it was sold in 60-second commercials, not nearly enough time to extol it fucktabulousness.
I sold a few since the day of the feature, but still have alot more to go! Enough for everybody who didn’t yet get one
In fact I put a particularly phallic looking one as one of my Etsy featured. That’s still available.
I want to ask how you know what an imprint of a vulva looks like, but that could lead to me visualizing something involving sand, or clay, or birthday cake, so I will refrain.
I’ve been horrified by a lot of things here on Regretsy, both aesthetically and emotionally. I’ve been confused, aroused and afraid…but nothing….NOTHING GOD DAMMIT prepared me for that dumb. ass. turkey poem. I don’t care if you come at me with “it was written by the creators of Downton Abbey you jerk”, it’s not funny, or cute, or anything but horrible. The writer should punch themselves in the face.
At the risk of there being a distressing theme to my posts this week, I saw the jeweled “shrimp” and the rhinestones caused me to do a double-take at what my brain thought was a snazzy S&M male chastity device.
When I travel, I like to pack and carry items that marginally resemble things I plan to buy at my destination. It’s why I always pick up a Taco Bell burrito at the airport on my way to Mexico, and I make sure to take a baggie of oregano to Amsterdam.
Now that I can buy that Eiffel Tower soap, I won’t have to decant Boone’s Farm into four-ounce bottles for my trip to France.
That last seller has a bit of trouble making her products look polished, or like the things they are supposed to look like, but I will give her this: http://www.etsy.com/transaction/58414378
And I want that Thanksgiving necklace. That would make my day shpadoinkle.
The bedazzled shrimp made me think of some guy masturbating in a craft store then dipping his now-flaccid sticky wick into one of those bulk containers of random shit. Et voila!
Can I just say how comforting it is to know that I am probably not the only person who has a folder titled “Penises” on their work pc (excluding porn folks and urologists of course)?
My folder is for when I find out people are hotlinking images from my company’s website
Dammit, first one of you beats me to the amethyst druzy banjingo and now the penis is already sold! My collection of erotic gems will never get off the ground at this rate.
The one that looks like boobs and a few more have sold but I still have some others left.
In addition to the Cactus Quartz, I’m about to list a hilarious pendant made out of polymer clay that a friend of mine made several years ago. It’s amazingly realistic!
how many of you have actually seen a real penis? the soap and the shrimp don’t look like dicks. and if you are seeing dicks that look like either one…run. fast. and stop knocking on peoples art.
was i supposed to come up with something more profound? but honestly, whose penis looks like that shrimp? thats awful. the fact that my jewelry made it to this list is pretty amazing but i’ve seen more phallic items on etsy.
February 16, 2012 at 9:31 am
that liberty cap reminds me of an exboyfriend… he too was under 2 inches in length…
February 16, 2012 at 9:35 am
Same here. Except, his name WAS Liberty.
February 17, 2012 at 1:48 pm
Was he in the movie House of the Dead, directed by Uwe Bolle? Was he at that time wearing glitter on his face and a patriotic jumpsuit leotard?
February 16, 2012 at 9:31 am
They say “just under two inches in length” like it’s something to brag about.
February 16, 2012 at 9:32 am
Maybe it’s a grower not a shower?
February 16, 2012 at 9:33 am
The only thing I have that looks like a penis, is well, a penis. And nobody wants to buy it.
February 16, 2012 at 9:36 am
Have you tried adding some Swarovski crystals to it?
February 16, 2012 at 11:01 am
What is the man friendly term for vajazzling?
February 16, 2012 at 11:06 am
Pedazzling?
February 16, 2012 at 11:06 am
“fabulous”
February 16, 2012 at 11:27 am
Dickorating?
February 16, 2012 at 3:55 pm
You, sir (or madam), just made my day.
February 16, 2012 at 9:28 pm
I am a lady, and it was my pleasure!
February 16, 2012 at 9:38 am
Perhaps if you photographed it against a barn wood background, or next to some boobs.
February 16, 2012 at 9:39 am
So you spend all this money on a penis and don’t even get a pity-cuddle thrown in?
February 16, 2012 at 9:40 am
Hmm..that wasn’t supposed to reply to you, but maybe it worked out for the best? I mean, we’re all here to help really..
February 16, 2012 at 9:40 am
Stick some gears on it.
February 16, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Don’t forget the watch parts! Then you can have steampunk junk!
February 16, 2012 at 9:45 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 16, 2012 at 10:28 am
Paint a picture of Whitney on it and throw it up on Etsy!
February 16, 2012 at 10:42 am
Barnwood is so totally 2011.
Arrange you manly bits artfully on a bible page, hopeful one that has awesomely inappropriate text.
February 16, 2012 at 3:48 pm
Also: Hope like hell that no sadistic woman is around to slam the bible closed. Because that’s the first thought that popped into my head after reading that.
February 16, 2012 at 4:27 pm
Arrange you manly bits artfully on a bible page
Please.
Don’t.
Give.
The.
Menstruating.
Jewelry.
Seller.
Any.
Ideas.
Involving.
Bodily.
Fluids.
February 17, 2012 at 1:54 pm
1 Kings 14:10? I particularly thing the KJV is elegant.
February 18, 2012 at 11:01 pm
Plus one for that quote, “him that pisseth against the wall” indeed
February 16, 2012 at 9:33 am
At least the necklace would save one from boring cocktail party conversation, one way or another.
February 16, 2012 at 9:39 am
Yes…
“Where did you get that fantastic bedazzled penis. I simply must have it!”
February 16, 2012 at 10:54 am
Whatever it looks like, it certainly does not look like shrimp.
February 16, 2012 at 3:46 pm
I am pretending so hard right now that it’s secretly fuckery the seller is giggling madly about posting. I am not checking the seller’s store, where my make-believe will only be shattered.
Also, I hope that turns up in somebody’s bag at the NY CF4L meetup.
February 16, 2012 at 9:33 am
“cock”tail party, indeed.
February 16, 2012 at 10:09 am
I read that and knew the seller was not clueless.
February 16, 2012 at 3:46 pm
Think they’d be willing to dicker on the price?
February 16, 2012 at 9:33 am
I’ll take, “Things that look like a Penis for $500, Alex.”
February 16, 2012 at 11:03 am
Suck it, Trebek!
February 16, 2012 at 1:19 pm
Suck it, Trebek!
IT NEVER GETS OLD!
February 16, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Sean Connery: I’ve got to ask you about the Penis Mightier.
Alex Trebek: What? No. No, no, that is The Pen is Mightier.
Sean Connery: Gussy it up however you want, Trebek. What matters is does it work? Will it really mighty my penis, man?
Alex Trebek: It’s not a product, Mr. Connery.
Sean Connery: Because I’ve ordered devices like that before – wasted a pretty penny, I don’t mind telling you. And if The Penis Mightier works, I’ll order a dozen.
Alex Trebek: It’s not a Penis Mightier, Mr. Connery. There’s no such thing!
Nicholas Cage: Wait, wait, wait.. are you selling Penis Mightiers?
Alex Trebek: No! No, I’m not.
Sean Connery: Well, you’re sitting on a gold mine, Trebek!
February 16, 2012 at 9:33 am
Am I the only one that thinks the “Shrimp” looks like an internal organ?
February 16, 2012 at 9:36 am
No. I thought it looked a little like an enlarged appendix, myself. Or maybe a colon.
February 16, 2012 at 10:44 am
Once, on a blind date that was going horrible quite quickly, I blurted out that the shrimp I was eating looked a little like a fetus.
At least the whole uncomfortable thing ended shortly thereafter.
February 16, 2012 at 4:29 pm
At least the whole uncomfortable thing ended shortly thereafter.
Umm, when you say “shrimp I was eating”, that’s seafood and not a euphemism, right?
February 16, 2012 at 9:37 am
Nope. It looks like a piece of the large intestine from the anatomy models we use for teaching, minus the crystals of course.
February 16, 2012 at 9:40 am
I dare you to start gluing crystals to all the anatomy models!
February 16, 2012 at 10:10 am
And take photos. Lots and lots of photos.
February 17, 2012 at 1:56 pm
Actually a bedazzled anatomical model is the kind of thing I actually might buy…
February 16, 2012 at 9:45 am
I think it looks like a diet aid, because now I never want to eat again.
February 16, 2012 at 10:38 am
I am going with zygote..
February 16, 2012 at 10:47 am
Look like the disgusting grubs I find in the garden.
February 16, 2012 at 11:26 am
Japanese beetle larva! I hate those things.
February 16, 2012 at 9:33 am
I see your 5 things, and I raise you these:
http://www.uncommongoods.com/voting/product/54502/bones-salt-pepper-shakers
February 16, 2012 at 10:29 am
“‘Dry bones’ feel” – is that like dry humping?
February 16, 2012 at 11:36 am
“Bones”. Sure they are;)
February 16, 2012 at 8:41 pm
To me it looks like a swan with a cork in its beak and three buttholes.
February 16, 2012 at 9:34 am
I’m not sure they let you into France with soap.
February 16, 2012 at 9:34 am
I am going to politely disagree with the first and feel like that one most resembles a present your dog might leave you when you neglect to fill his bowl.
the bedazzled cock’n'balls is something I wish I had for my prom. that is glorious shit glued to other shit fuckery right there.
February 16, 2012 at 9:48 am
I was thinking a nose. You know what they say, once you go Cyrano…
February 16, 2012 at 11:38 am
I’m getting more “space shuttle” than “Eiffel Tower” myself.
February 16, 2012 at 5:42 pm
Maybe since I live in Florida– My thoughts exactly…
February 16, 2012 at 9:35 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 16, 2012 at 3:23 pm
What, you can’t read my mind? Okay, okay, I deserve the thumbs-downing for lack of clarity at the least.
Here was my thought process: Reaching for my bag of toys late at night and coming upon one of those glittering monstrosities instead…”OW!”
February 16, 2012 at 9:35 am
Did you forget this?
February 16, 2012 at 9:37 am
Beautifully played, Petja!
February 16, 2012 at 9:41 am
Years ago, when he was in Congress, I saw him on the streets of DC. I booed at him and flipped him off. When asked why I did that, I said, “Because I didn’t have anything to throw and it was too far to spit.” True story.
February 16, 2012 at 9:48 am
You, sir, (well, at least according to your bemonicle’d avatar) are a true wit.
I also want to have your internet babies for some reason.
February 16, 2012 at 9:51 am
Does anyone else think that his face was sculpted out of butter? It looks like someone cut a head off of a baby and put it on an old mans body
February 16, 2012 at 10:14 am
You reminded me of a famous NY Daily News front page cartoon from when he threw a tantrum. Wasn’t the first and wasn’t the last.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Nydailynews_newt.jpg
February 16, 2012 at 11:10 am
His head is a terrible mix of toddler and dick. And he just strikes me as a whiny dick, so personality as well as looks.
February 16, 2012 at 6:48 pm
Also, no parent who truly loved their child would give them a name that could be shortened in such a way to make you think of a small lizard.
February 17, 2012 at 10:17 am
You’ve all seen the Newt/Schrute pic?
http://zwingliusredivivus.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/hmmmm-newt-schrute/
February 16, 2012 at 9:57 am
Ahhhhh!!! You beat me to it. But here’s another one you forgot.
February 16, 2012 at 10:00 am
Oh, if we’re going to play this game, it could go on for days. And my ex husband getting posted with great prominence.
February 16, 2012 at 10:02 am
Goddamn tablet.
February 16, 2012 at 10:18 am
He looks a bit like Jerry Seinfeld. That’s it. Oh, and when I look at Santorum I think of the definition coined by one of Dan Savage’s readers, which will live in Internet infamy:
Santorum: The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.
February 16, 2012 at 10:34 am
Manglaze nail polishes (the owners would fin in woderfully here) immortalized this by creating a wonderful brown polish by the name of Santorum. It is the only time I will be happy to have Santorum on my hands.
February 16, 2012 at 10:45 am
I think Item #1 looks like Santorum — just imagine it lathered up…
February 16, 2012 at 1:06 pm
No, he doesn’t look like Seinfeld. Santorum looks like a nervous whippet about the piddle on the carpet.
See the resemblance?
February 16, 2012 at 1:34 pm
No I disagree, that whippet’s got more light behind his eyes and looks far more intellectual.
February 16, 2012 at 5:44 pm
Stop insulting Whippets….
February 16, 2012 at 8:42 pm
Whippet? Whippet good.
February 16, 2012 at 11:10 am
He’s more of an asshole.
February 16, 2012 at 10:03 am
That’s really a horrible backdrop.
February 16, 2012 at 10:12 am
It makes Newtie look well endowed in comparison. I think this is he eHarmony profile photo.
February 17, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Nah, he’s not gonna need one of those profiles until his present wife gets seriously ill…
February 16, 2012 at 10:55 am
I require more green thumbs for Petja’s contribution. It makes me so very happy.
Also, that amethyst thing made my vag hurt just looking at it.
February 16, 2012 at 9:35 am
I think the soap looks more like Cardassian insignia than a penis.
As for the quartz item, I guess that’s what they mean by rock hard.
February 16, 2012 at 11:09 am
I think it looks like a nose.
February 16, 2012 at 9:36 am
Wait. That’s a tiny soap. Is it for sexually frustrated francophile gnomes?
February 16, 2012 at 10:25 am
It’s a PERSONAL size soap. Really personal.
February 16, 2012 at 11:24 am
In that case, it should be on a safety retrieval string.
February 16, 2012 at 1:20 pm
Or a motorized spring.
February 17, 2012 at 2:01 pm
Wouldn’t that sting like a motherfucker after a few seconds?
February 17, 2012 at 6:29 pm
I didn’t know bees were motherfuckers. Well, I guess there’s only one queen…
February 16, 2012 at 9:36 am
That shrimp necklace makes me kinda hungry. If I buy it, I might accidentally eat it after a trip to Captain D’s or Red Lobster.
February 16, 2012 at 10:19 am
Not Long John Silver’s?
February 16, 2012 at 10:23 am
Ew, the Long John Silver’s we have here is totes nasty. Like, roaches in the fish batter, nasty.
February 16, 2012 at 10:34 am
I was going for the shrimp-as-a-penis-shaped-object joke.
February 16, 2012 at 10:59 am
Even better. But still, don’t go to a Long John’s in Mississippi. You’ll get bugs.
February 16, 2012 at 11:05 am
Did you have to remind me of the Clarence Thomas hearings?
February 16, 2012 at 10:42 am
oh god.. Captain D’s.. I just really got a hankering for some hush puppies.
February 16, 2012 at 9:38 am
Do people just not know? How do they not know?!?!
February 16, 2012 at 9:55 am
I think they don’t realize they’re just bad artists. They’re seeing shrimp cocktail or liberty cap mushroom (which would be a great name for a cervical cap, btw), but they’re not seeing how unlike the actual things they are.
Sort of like body image vs. reality. What you see in the mirror isn’t what you see in a photograph.
February 16, 2012 at 11:10 am
I think they know. They have to know. That turkey platter – it has to be intentional.
February 16, 2012 at 9:38 am
Seeing anything in the shape of a penis that is simultaneously covered with multi-faceted sharp pointy bits makes my girl parts want to climb up inside my body and hide.
February 16, 2012 at 10:00 am
Too late, they already did.
February 16, 2012 at 9:40 am
Also this is an appropriate song for this post: http://www.wehoconfidential.com/2012/01/miss-prada-big-dick-music-video.html
Warning: Video and Song might be NSFW
February 16, 2012 at 9:52 am
Really thought it was going to be my weena.
February 16, 2012 at 10:07 am
What the hell did I just watch?
February 16, 2012 at 10:39 am
I see your song and I raise it to:
Detachable Penis by King Missle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byDiILrNbM4
February 16, 2012 at 12:47 pm
I had this song stuck in my head when I was reading this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnzYG0ZkrXg
Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
February 16, 2012 at 9:40 am
I thought the soap was a nose.
February 16, 2012 at 11:10 am
Me too!
February 16, 2012 at 9:41 am
Is the seller of the turkey platter on crack? What’s with the poem? LOL shit, why not just come out and say I found this ugly ass platter in my grandma’s attic, please buy it;)
And that shrimp penis pendant with sparkle jizz is just the epitome of Etsy isn’t it? Bravo!
February 16, 2012 at 9:55 am
Well, for any penile product to be the epitome of Etsy it should really be placed next to an ash tray in the shape of a vagina.
February 22, 2012 at 12:50 am
On barn wood.
February 16, 2012 at 11:25 am
I just whispered “sparkle jizz” to myself. Like the kid on the Middle.
*sparkle jizzzz*
February 16, 2012 at 12:48 pm
I refuse to believe that that wasn’t written by an FJL-er. The snood reference is a total give away!
Either that or the Etsyans have become self-aware. Judgment Day is coming!
February 17, 2012 at 6:45 pm
I looked snood up after seeing that, and it is also a word for a turkey’s comb.
February 16, 2012 at 9:43 am
That “turkey lurkey” person is out of her tree.
February 16, 2012 at 10:44 am
Her poem is FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC: (from the listing)
“Turkey Lurkey Shmirkey Furkey
The cow jumped over the moon
The little dog laughed
To see such a snood
He ate the platter and not his food”
February 16, 2012 at 10:47 am
It was so amazing, I wanted to you read it again.
February 16, 2012 at 10:54 am
Annnnnd I totally did.
Sampler, anyone?
February 16, 2012 at 9:43 am
I thought the soap was a bicycle seat. Ah well, seat, soap or peen, I’d sit on it.
February 16, 2012 at 9:45 am
Why the hell have bedazzlers been made so readily available?
February 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm
Because the ’90s needed everyone to look as obnoxious as possible to try and erase the ridiculousness of the ’80s.
February 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm
And the ’90s wanted everyone to be vintage, to the old days in the ’70s when the Bedazzler first came on the market. Back then it was sold in 60-second commercials, not nearly enough time to extol it fucktabulousness.
February 16, 2012 at 9:49 am
More like a COCKtail party.
February 16, 2012 at 10:06 am
LOVE it.
February 16, 2012 at 9:50 am
Waitaminute. This isn’t another episode of “Etsy or Regretsy?”
February 16, 2012 at 9:54 am
Clearly, this needs to be the theme of the next “Etsy or Regretsy?”
February 16, 2012 at 9:50 am
I bedazzled my own “Shrimp”, and it looks remarkably like the one in the picture.
February 16, 2012 at 10:04 am
My first thought was “Gad, what a painful looking place to have a carbuncle.”
February 16, 2012 at 11:12 am
It doesn’t look like a prawn or peen to me. It looks like a recently removed appendix…with glass crystals hot-glued on it.
February 16, 2012 at 10:09 am
Please, for the love of God, ask a friend: “Does this look remotely like a penis?” before selling on Etsy.
February 16, 2012 at 10:32 am
If you have to ask, the answer is “yes.”
February 16, 2012 at 10:13 am
I guess I should sell this dog on Etsy, based on the trends and all.
February 16, 2012 at 10:32 am
I hear he’s a real dick.
February 16, 2012 at 11:29 am
I need to share that photo.
Why isn’t it on your blog so I can do that?
February 16, 2012 at 12:45 pm
I have made it so!
February 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Woot!
February 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm
I want that fuzzy body pillow. Where can I buy one? *wink*
February 16, 2012 at 3:51 pm
I needed far longer than I really should have to see the dog in this picture. Well played.
February 16, 2012 at 10:27 am
February 16, 2012 at 10:34 am
So they really ARE separate creatures with a mind of their own???
February 16, 2012 at 10:39 am
Legs of their own anyway
February 16, 2012 at 11:12 am
ACK!
February 16, 2012 at 11:15 am
Can you imagine if they had bones in them? Painful, in every way.
February 17, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Actually in a lot of animals they DO have bones. It’s called a baculum.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baculum
/biology nerd nitpick
February 16, 2012 at 10:29 am
Dammit, my birthstone is amethyst. Which one of you fat jealous losers bought that?
February 16, 2012 at 12:08 pm
Dammit! My birthstone isn’t amethyst, but I wanted the hell out of it too, and someone beat me to it. WAAAAH!
February 16, 2012 at 9:26 pm
LOL! I was wondering where all that traffic came from today, and had a good laugh when I looked at my Etsy stats
I still have some more similar phallic-looking stones. These are all the Cactus Quartz here; http://www.etsy.com/shop/GiftbearerSupply/search?search_query=Cactus+Quartz&search_submit=&search_type=user_shop_ttt_id_5212640&shopname=GiftbearerSupply&page=1
There’s also one that looks like a pair of boobs.
February 17, 2012 at 2:10 pm
FUCK YEAH.
Way to be a good sport.
March 14, 2012 at 9:54 pm
I sold a few since the day of the feature, but still have alot more to go! Enough for everybody who didn’t yet get one
In fact I put a particularly phallic looking one as one of my Etsy featured. That’s still available.
February 16, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Mine is, too, but I didn’t buy it. I knew I’d giggle uncontrollably every time I’d look at it.
February 16, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Well yeah, isn’t that the point?
February 16, 2012 at 4:41 pm
The “point(s)” look painful!
February 16, 2012 at 10:29 am
Is the shrimp also OOAK, like the crab jewelry from awhile ago?
February 16, 2012 at 10:57 am
What a stunning ensemble THAT would make.
February 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm
Just need a lobster fascinator and a clam belt and the look’s complete!
February 16, 2012 at 10:35 am
The Eiffel tower soap looks like the imprint of a vulva.
February 16, 2012 at 10:49 am
I want to ask how you know what an imprint of a vulva looks like, but that could lead to me visualizing something involving sand, or clay, or birthday cake, so I will refrain.
February 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm
Don’t even mention asking unless you really want the answer.
February 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm
Dude. That’s not a vulva, that’s a carwash entrance.
Oh wait. Negative space.
February 17, 2012 at 7:22 pm
I thought you were gonna go for this one, even though it’s the opposite of an imprint:
http://www.regretsy.com/2011/03/14/its-the-great-wall-of-vagina-charlie-brown-nsfw/
February 16, 2012 at 10:41 am
I’ve been horrified by a lot of things here on Regretsy, both aesthetically and emotionally. I’ve been confused, aroused and afraid…but nothing….NOTHING GOD DAMMIT prepared me for that dumb. ass. turkey poem. I don’t care if you come at me with “it was written by the creators of Downton Abbey you jerk”, it’s not funny, or cute, or anything but horrible. The writer should punch themselves in the face.
February 17, 2012 at 7:29 pm
OMG I just looked at your blog. It’s great!
February 16, 2012 at 10:56 am
When I read the turkey platter poem and got to “snood,” I immediately thought of this:
http://www.regretsy.com/2011/03/08/its-all-good-in-the-snood/
Still makes me laugh insanely.
February 16, 2012 at 10:59 am
It’s the “Are you a wizard” part that gets me every time.
February 16, 2012 at 10:58 am
At the risk of there being a distressing theme to my posts this week, I saw the jeweled “shrimp” and the rhinestones caused me to do a double-take at what my brain thought was a snazzy S&M male chastity device.
Mistress owns my penis, but at least it’s shiny!
February 17, 2012 at 2:12 pm
I think you mean “and of COURSE it’s shiny.”
February 16, 2012 at 11:02 am
When I travel, I like to pack and carry items that marginally resemble things I plan to buy at my destination. It’s why I always pick up a Taco Bell burrito at the airport on my way to Mexico, and I make sure to take a baggie of oregano to Amsterdam.
Now that I can buy that Eiffel Tower soap, I won’t have to decant Boone’s Farm into four-ounce bottles for my trip to France.
February 16, 2012 at 11:13 am
That last seller has a bit of trouble making her products look polished, or like the things they are supposed to look like, but I will give her this: http://www.etsy.com/transaction/58414378
And I want that Thanksgiving necklace. That would make my day shpadoinkle.
February 17, 2012 at 7:32 pm
Hahaha! She spells “potatoe” like Dan Quayle! Nice workmanship, though!
May 2, 2012 at 1:16 pm
thank you for getting my cannibal the musical reference. and how does one make a clay potatoE look more polished lol?
February 16, 2012 at 11:57 am
Eiffel Tower? Looks more like the Tower of Power.
February 16, 2012 at 11:58 am
(as in Frank Zappa, “I can take about an hour on the Tower of Power ‘long as I get a little golden shower”)
February 16, 2012 at 12:07 pm
C’mon. Making these things up is so yesterday.
February 16, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Thank you turkey platter, now I have a stunning visual reference for Cthulhu’s penis.
February 16, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Forgive me, I’m not sure how to add this:
http://cheezburger.com/builder#step2_5848940544,http://i.chzbgr.com/imagestore/2012/2/16/3abb1b3f-c9c5-4513-85da-77eed680f4bc.jpg
February 16, 2012 at 1:38 pm
The Eiffel tower: for all your bajingo washing needs.
February 16, 2012 at 2:27 pm
The bedazzled shrimp made me think of some guy masturbating in a craft store then dipping his now-flaccid sticky wick into one of those bulk containers of random shit. Et voila!
So, THANKS FOR THAT MENTAL PICTURE, Regretsy.
February 16, 2012 at 2:53 pm
Okay, which one of you bastards bought the Amethyst Cactus penis? I’m jealous.
February 17, 2012 at 2:16 pm
There are more!
March 14, 2012 at 9:59 pm
I have more. Check out the one I put as one of my featured items in my shop. That one looks even more phallic than the one that Regretsy featured!
February 16, 2012 at 3:45 pm
Thanks, I’ll be giggling like a schoolgirl at the word “cocktail” for the next week now.
February 16, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Everything in nature looks like cock and balls. I’m kinda convinced about it.
February 17, 2012 at 12:09 am
The soap looks like a fourth grader’s art class clay project. I think he intended for it to be a fighter jet.
February 17, 2012 at 3:13 am
Can I just say how comforting it is to know that I am probably not the only person who has a folder titled “Penises” on their work pc (excluding porn folks and urologists of course)?
My folder is for when I find out people are hotlinking images from my company’s website
February 17, 2012 at 8:54 am
Where do you work that people can hotlink images of penises?
February 17, 2012 at 11:10 am
Hotlinking penises sounds like an incredibly painful crafting technique.
February 17, 2012 at 5:04 am
Dammit, first one of you beats me to the amethyst druzy banjingo and now the penis is already sold! My collection of erotic gems will never get off the ground at this rate.
March 14, 2012 at 10:00 pm
Would love to have you in my shop! I have more!
April 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm
The one that looks like boobs and a few more have sold but I still have some others left.
In addition to the Cactus Quartz, I’m about to list a hilarious pendant made out of polymer clay that a friend of mine made several years ago. It’s amazingly realistic!
February 17, 2012 at 6:34 pm
Anyone notice the mushroom is carved from elder wood? OMG IT’S THE ELDER
PENISWAND! KEEP IT AWAY FROM VOLDEMORT!April 12, 2012 at 2:57 pm
Here’s the new pendant;
http://www.etsy.com/listing/97418491/novelty-penis-bead-or-pendant-made-of
April 19, 2012 at 2:04 pm
The polymer clay penis bead is still available. This I only have one of, but still have a good number of Cactus Quartz left.
May 2, 2012 at 10:31 am
how many of you have actually seen a real penis? the soap and the shrimp don’t look like dicks. and if you are seeing dicks that look like either one…run. fast. and stop knocking on peoples art.
May 2, 2012 at 10:45 am
it took you three months to come up with this?
May 2, 2012 at 1:14 pm
was i supposed to come up with something more profound? but honestly, whose penis looks like that shrimp? thats awful. the fact that my jewelry made it to this list is pretty amazing but i’ve seen more phallic items on etsy.
May 2, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Well, the dick is in the eye of the beholder.
May 2, 2012 at 1:32 pm
poor guy.
May 3, 2012 at 8:12 am
so funny… my favourite is the shrimp necklace.. can’t wait to be the centre of attention with that beauty around my neck!!