Healing through Tragicrafting: Whitney Houston Edition
One of the great things about Etsy is that it affords any jackass with a glue gun the opportunity to make a quick buck on a dead celebrity.
I call it, Tragicrafting™. It’s an uncontrollable urge to make some sort of “tribute” merchandise, and put it in your Etsy store before the body gets cold. Oh, not to profit, of course, but to heal.
And this weekend, there were an awful lot of crafters trying to get their healing on. I particularly loved this one:
A plastic, battery-operated clock with Whitney Houston’s birth and death dates is a great gift for any occasion! New baby, Quinceanera, even Red Tent parties! What, you think Whitney didn’t have periods? Grow up.
What time is it?
TIME TO HEAL, ASSHOLE
Some people identify so strongly with the dead celebrity, that you really can’t blame the for shitting out a bracelet in 15 minutes. I mean for Christ’s sake, there was the high school speech. And Seventeen magazine! Seriously, she’s almost family at this point. Sometimes I look at my DIVA death clock and just say, “Where did it all go wrong, Aunt Whitney?”
IT’S LIKE SHE’S ALWAYS BEEN THERE
Now we come to the most shameless segment of the TragiCrafting movement… Tragitagging.
Tragitagging • (n) [traj-i-tag-ging] Slapping the name of a recently deceased celebrity on a completely unrelated item that’s been moldering in your Etsy store for months
This is especially sad, as it doesn’t even involve making a new craft to maximize the buzzardry. But you do have to give the seller points for the whole “beautiful but flawed” thing. Personally, I’d have gone with “saving all my stones for you,” but I can’t be everywhere at once.
When I think of triangles, I think Whitney Houston. Isosceles, Equilateral, Scalene, Obtuse… it doesn’t matter. They all say Whitney to me. She was a champion of geometry.
Give me a moment.
When I heard about Whitney Houston dying in a bathtub at the age of 48, two words immediately came to mind:
1. FUN
2. FIBER
And finally, a candle. Which is really collectible and super hard to find, unless you also have a printer and a roll of scotch tape.
But the bigger question is, with all these Whitney Houston TragiCrafts popping up on Etsy like vaginal warts, how do you find the best of them?
Well that’s easy – the front page, of course!
Isn’t that beautiful? I think we all know how much Whitney liked bookends.
I’m sure I don’t have tell you how this fuckery was received:
You see? Tragic people dying young isn’t so much sad as it is AMAZING! And fun! Super, super fun. Also, R.I.P.!
Let’s not fight it. After all, opportunism only knocks once! Just sit back and be healed by the growing pile of Whitney Houston TragiCrafts clogging up the Etsy colon.
WHITNEY WOULD HAVE WANTED IT THAT WAY
February 13, 2012 at 4:40 pm
I had to double take the braclet. I thought it said, ” A Pill Will Always Love you.”
February 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm
*bracelet
February 13, 2012 at 4:47 pm
Until it kills you.
Too soon?
February 13, 2012 at 4:51 pm
I know MY pills love me when nobody else in the world does. I assume it was the same for Whitney.
February 13, 2012 at 6:18 pm
Personally, I’m holding out for the Whitney Houston Bathtub.
//hell, yes, I’m going to it
February 13, 2012 at 7:47 pm
Does it come with a Whitney Houston Snorkel?
February 13, 2012 at 9:11 pm
That was actuallly the problem…
February 13, 2012 at 9:13 pm
Bloody “l”!
February 14, 2012 at 12:01 pm
Is everyone’s avatar wearing a black mourning square in memory of Whitney? Or is that only happening on my computer?
February 14, 2012 at 11:24 am
The site Animals Being Dicks got in on the Whitney fun too http://animalsbeingdicks.com/post/17551373363/rip-whitney-houston
February 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm
At 8:34pm EST Saturday, there were 12 items tagged with Whitney Houston. (I checked immediately, because I knew this would happen.) Now there are 84.
Fucking vultures, every one of them.
February 13, 2012 at 4:44 pm
How does one go about f*cking a vulture?
I’m asking for a friend…
February 13, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Is it the greatest love of all?
February 13, 2012 at 4:46 pm
It is…but it’s not for chickens. You have to pluck up all your courage.
February 13, 2012 at 5:07 pm
That was a fowl joke.
February 13, 2012 at 5:09 pm
Wait ’til you get the bill.
February 13, 2012 at 7:27 pm
I’ll pass. I think I’ll just get Buzzard. Gotta be careful though – Last time I thought I was with a fascinating Chick, but turned out it was a fancy Cock.
February 13, 2012 at 4:46 pm
carefully.
February 13, 2012 at 8:23 pm
Over something’s dead body.
February 13, 2012 at 4:46 pm
I checked too lol. Right after confirming that she had passed (a friend had posted on facebook) I ran to see what etsy might have.
February 13, 2012 at 4:52 pm
I checked too and feel the same. How they justify it, I don’t know. Despicable.
February 14, 2012 at 3:29 am
They have to justify it?
February 13, 2012 at 4:43 pm
I can just see these tragicrafters eagerly scanning the news all day with one sweaty hand resting on a glue gun…hoping some celebrity dies so they can make a buck.
A little sick really. And this comes from people who collect goatse crafts.
Think about that tragicrafters.
People who giggle at the image of a stretched out bunghole cross stitch, think there is something wrong with you.
February 13, 2012 at 5:04 pm
I think you, BadMiya, summed up my feelings about this whole tragicrafting deal with that last sentance…….I honestly could not have said it better myself!
That image, in my head sadly permanently now, is making me giggle even now…….heehee!! Sorry. Not appropriate I know……*ahem*
February 13, 2012 at 5:26 pm
I can’t help but wonder if they’re like obituary writers. They keep obits on file for the living, update them every so often, and have them on hand just in case they keel over.
Maybe these folks had Whitney Houston stuff stockpiled, just in case? What else do they have locked away in the storage shed?
February 13, 2012 at 5:39 pm
There’s two piles: the “probably gone too soon” pile, with Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, and Dale Jr., and the “gotta happen eventually” stack, with Betty White and Jimmie Carter.
February 14, 2012 at 3:33 am
Agreed, a neighbor said she “didn’t see it coming, she was still young” I’m thinking the only thing I didn’t see in this was whitney out-living winehouse, I mean I saw it coming for both of them, I just figured the crack reaper would hit whitney first is all.
Does that sound mean? I can’t tell.
February 14, 2012 at 5:33 am
Not mean, just brutally honest.
February 14, 2012 at 6:19 am
I’m worse; I was surprised to hear she died because I didn’t realize she was still alive.
February 13, 2012 at 4:44 pm
I was waiting for this. People are pathetic.
February 13, 2012 at 6:08 pm
No, no…don’t be silly! Etsians aren’t pathetic! It’s the fat, jealous losers at Regretsy who save parks & puppies and help strangers who are pathetic! You’d better go back & read the butthurt section again to remind yourself just what kind of element you’re dealing with here!
February 14, 2012 at 3:35 am
Running FJL’s running free
See the FJL’s they fed a puppy
February 14, 2012 at 6:05 am
Well said, jetsybetsy. When you put it that way, my sense of indignation nearly chokes me all over again.
February 14, 2012 at 11:14 am
“ooh, I wanna felt with somebody”…
February 14, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 14, 2012 at 6:29 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/82414697/caricature-doll-needle-felted-made-to?ref=sr_gallery_18&sref=&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=whitney+Houston&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_ship_to=US&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=
February 13, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Now now, the “lemon sapphire” isn’t just tragi-tagged, it’s “Beautiful but flawed”… JUST LIKE WHITNEY.
February 13, 2012 at 4:54 pm
(and five minutes later… note to self- read the damn description before you think you’re being witty.)
February 13, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Ugh, I feel so inhuman. I found out about Whitney’s death and all I could do was head on over here to have a good time looking at the Tragicrafting.
But if April says that Whitney would have wanted it that way then I feel less guilty.
February 13, 2012 at 4:47 pm
I kind of want to make little pill holders and put them on Etsy in memory of Whitney. I Wanna Dance with Somebody (in my head as I take too many pills).
Too far?
February 13, 2012 at 5:28 pm
“Whitney” will easily fit in the “SMTWTFS” spots on a daily pill organizer. Just use some Goof Off to remove the days, glue some glittery stickers down, and voila!
February 13, 2012 at 9:07 pm
Ooh, I’ll buy that fun fiber and really show off my mad glue gun skills! This plan is coming together.
February 13, 2012 at 4:48 pm
On a serious note – that “Fun Fiber” made me wince.
Jesus.
February 13, 2012 at 4:50 pm
Because of what April wrote on the fibre I now can’t get the image of a clogged bath plug outta my head *shudder*
February 13, 2012 at 4:50 pm
Yeah, no kidding – nine bucks for just over an ounce?! Highway robbery.
February 13, 2012 at 4:53 pm
Tragipricing.
February 13, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Cheaper than crack! At least, I think it is.
February 14, 2012 at 3:39 am
Last I knew crack was about $10 a “hit” or “rock” or whatever around here, so technically it is cheaper, but only if shipping is free . . .
February 16, 2012 at 9:09 pm
Crack is Wack tho
February 13, 2012 at 8:25 pm
My kids make lots of assorted “crafting leftovers” d’you think I can sell them for $4 per oz? Maybe $9 if they listen to Whitney while crafting?
February 13, 2012 at 5:05 pm
Fiber makes me think of Denis Leary, not Whitney Houston.
February 13, 2012 at 5:51 pm
Makes me think of Wilford Brimley.
February 14, 2012 at 6:21 am
It makes perfect sense; dyed in a bathtub.
February 14, 2012 at 6:42 am
When there’s a Regretsy parade, YOU must ride on the leading float!
February 14, 2012 at 6:47 am
It’s stuff like the fun fiber that embarrasses fiber artists.
February 14, 2012 at 6:54 am
I submitted it as a tip. A ton of other people probably did, but in my mind, I’m taking credit for it.
February 13, 2012 at 4:48 pm
I’m going to start tagging things with “RIP ” so I can be in on the ground floor when they die. Like “Crochet bookmark RIP Cher”
February 13, 2012 at 4:49 pm
I think it would be awesome if Regretsians started a movement to tragicraft someone totally random who died whenever. Like, for Colonel Sanders or something.
February 13, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Or even better, someone who never even existed. Then etsy will really be WTF-ing.
February 13, 2012 at 5:19 pm
A memorial market for Kenny. The sales would just keep on coming!
February 13, 2012 at 5:52 pm
Kenny’s dead?… God no… You bastards
February 13, 2012 at 6:33 pm
Grandpa Joe from Charlie and the Chocolate factory just died. Maybe him? I actually *liked* him.
February 13, 2012 at 7:00 pm
Or even better, someone who never even existed.
True fuckery would be to tragicaft for someone famous who’s still alive…
February 13, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Jubilation T. Cornpone’s got my vote!
February 13, 2012 at 9:44 pm
This reminds me of the bit that Kathy Griffin did where she made up a tragic tale of drug rehab about Dakota Fanning, then asked for passing celebs (at whatever event she was at) to offer her advice and support. It was pretty priceless.
February 14, 2012 at 12:14 am
RIP CARROT TOP
February 14, 2012 at 3:41 am
It’s not the same if you want them dead.
February 14, 2012 at 12:24 am
This! Yes, please, lets do this! I can immortalize them in gummibears.
February 13, 2012 at 4:59 pm
Or totally random LIVING celebrities. Market them as “collectible”, OOAK. “You can say you had this memento of __________first, before they were even dead!!!”
February 13, 2012 at 5:08 pm
At the risk of sounding cliche, I nominate Snooki.
Let me go get my hot glue gun and resin pickles. The world awaits.
February 13, 2012 at 5:27 pm
I kind of want to wear something covered in resin pickles.
February 13, 2012 at 6:42 pm
Okay, now when she dies you realize you’re the prime suspect, right?
Are you in the market for a Tragicrafting hitwoman? You could quadruple your prices and earn back my fees in no time.
February 13, 2012 at 8:30 pm
At the risk of being obvious: Abe Vigoda
February 13, 2012 at 9:08 pm
I don’t think I have enough crepe paper to properly recreate his neck wrinkles, but I do have enough steel wool for his hair!
February 13, 2012 at 5:01 pm
Colonel Sanders should be an etsy saint already–stupid tie, goatee, dark framed glasses, walking stick. Maybe its the meat-eating thing that’s holding him back.
February 13, 2012 at 5:02 pm
He’s more hipster than hipster.
February 13, 2012 at 5:11 pm
He was hipster before hipster was cool (the first time around).
February 13, 2012 at 5:02 pm
I’m GelatinousAlienDeathWeb, and I approve this message.
February 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm
You know who totally deserves memorial goods? Alan Turing. For real. Let’s get that shit ON.
February 13, 2012 at 7:11 pm
I read that as Alan Tudik. Why not both?
February 13, 2012 at 7:22 pm
How about Alan Thicke? It’s never too soon.
February 13, 2012 at 7:26 pm
It’s never too soon TO MEMORIALIZE HIM IN CRAFTS. I’m not anxious for the man to die.
Wait, he IS still alive, isn’t he?
February 13, 2012 at 5:54 pm
How about hoax-crafting a weapy bunch of RIP April Winchell shit ALL BEING POSTED AT THE SAME TIME and starting an Etsy flash mob?
February 13, 2012 at 9:09 pm
I will make the ugliest thing EVER for this. Like, so bad that maybe April herself will actually buy it.
February 13, 2012 at 9:46 pm
I think you might be onto something.
February 14, 2012 at 9:58 am
A self-creating Treasury, to be sure. Can you imagine all the gushing compliments? I wonder if any of the flouncers would come back and weep, regretting their awful behavior when “our” April was still alive.
*rubs hands in gleeful anticipation*
February 13, 2012 at 4:50 pm
“it is brand new and approved and authorized” – by whom? The seller isn’t the photographer, the photo is stolen, cuz I bet the copyright holder didn’t “authorize” anything, or any of the other images used in their shop. Grrr… Not only is Backstreetcrafts a vulture, but a thief.
February 13, 2012 at 5:12 pm
Authorized by the crafts teacher in prison, maybe. See what happens to you when you copy one too many Eminem songs, kiddies?
February 14, 2012 at 6:48 am
It looks just like the clocks made by Cafe Press. They even provide a free “clock face” template to smoosh over any photo.
March 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm
But do they come with a case of cryabeetus?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/92822908/i-have-but-one-thing-to-regretsy-dot-com
February 13, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Colors from the 80′s? I didn’t realize they stopped existing after that. What have I been missing!?
February 14, 2012 at 10:00 am
You’ve been using these colors without proper copyright permission?!?!? Well, missy, you’ve been lucky until now, but from this point on, use so much as a polka dot of True Cherry Red or Beachy Teal and there’ll be some serious layers sent to you. Crease & Desist immediately!
February 13, 2012 at 4:52 pm
That crying eagle gets me every time……
February 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm
Cuz you know Whitney was saving all her love for some fun fiber…
February 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm
“I’m shaving off my muff for yooooou…and hot gluing the hairs to a headband to make this OOAK fascinator!”
February 13, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Um… what site did you get here from?
February 13, 2012 at 5:22 pm
It was a few years ago, so it’s kind of hard to remember. It was definitely from somewhere else on the internet, though.
February 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm
I’m out of the loop on this one.
I’ll just go back to walking around my kitchen shouting “BOBBY!”
That’s how I choose to mourn.
February 13, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Just picturing Kathy Griffin doing that.
February 13, 2012 at 9:10 pm
I keep thinking of the clip from her reality show that The Soup always played.
KISS MY ASS!
It was, apparently, Joel’s favorite clip.
February 13, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 13, 2012 at 4:57 pm
I think the Tragitagging is even sneakier when they don’t acknowledge that they’ve done it at all…like in the case of this fine ‘Pooch Brooch’:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/73099591/pooch-brooch?ref=sr_gallery_36&sref=&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=whitney+Houston&ga_order=date_desc&ga_ship_to=US&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_page=1&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=
Perhaps they felt the connection was so clear, they needn’t elaborate on it!
February 13, 2012 at 5:02 pm
Sheesh.
February 13, 2012 at 5:21 pm
This one : http://www.etsy.com/listing/78193443/mariah-carey-spray-painted-on-record isn’t even Whitney!
And this one : http://www.etsy.com/listing/92429878/orange-daisy-ring-handmade-one-of-a-kind is a rock glued to a ring.
I like the ‘scarf’ but as a buyer would be totally turned off by the tragitagging : http://www.etsy.com/listing/92872955/rustic-brown-orange-eco-friendly-organic
Still, my favorite of them all is this one : http://www.etsy.com/listing/83288168/how-to-tastefully-profit-from-a
February 14, 2012 at 12:19 am
Nana’s is labeled “Regretsy inspired.” I think she did it on purpose.
That doesn’t make it less awesome, of course.
February 14, 2012 at 1:50 am
The ring is driving me nuts! The seller makes a point to mention that it is a “handcrafted natural pebble” (dude, it’s either one or the other unless you’re God) and that the flower on it is NOT a sticker. That’s decopaged, man.
But the decopaged flower *looks* just like she stuck a sticker to a damned rock then glued that shit to a crappy ring, so even if that’s not what she did why does it matter if that’s what it freaking *looks* like she did?!
AAAHHHHHHGGGGG!!!
February 14, 2012 at 7:02 am
No, not stickers. Stickers have glue on them.
http://blackberrydesigns.com/Decoupage%20Pages%20DWT/DPFlowers1NewDWT.htm
February 13, 2012 at 4:58 pm
I’m tempted to find some fun, sparkly white glitter and and glue it on a straw… Just at the end…
If I make them earrings, THEY’LL BE JUST LIKE WHITNEY!!!
/tragicraftard
February 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm
OMG you MUST make these…..it would be a crime not to.
February 13, 2012 at 6:08 pm
Seriously, you now have to make it.
February 13, 2012 at 5:02 pm
The candle holder claims to be “one of a kind”, yet most of the rest of the bullshit suggests an unspecified, limited number available.
I will bet LOTS that the “limited amount” is exactly equal to the number of idiots who order this. Hopefully “Zero”.
February 13, 2012 at 5:05 pm
To be fair but just as unfortunately, you see major retailers pulling this sort of thing too… Though I imagine they can’t churn stuff out as fast as people on Etsy can update their shops.
February 13, 2012 at 5:09 pm
Sorry April, but I have to say you’re totally wrong and WAY out of line on this one!
First of all the Diva Death Clock was AUTHORIZED! Meaning while they were still zipping up the body in that plastic bag and loading it on to the gurney, her people were on the phone giving permission to this crafter to create this plastic clock in her honor! ABSOLUTELY acceptable! Second, the red triangle earrings represent how she slashed her wrists while in the bathtub she was found in and third the psychedelic colored balls of fluff and frizz are reminiscent of all the trips she took while she was high. You just don’t get her, man!
February 13, 2012 at 5:31 pm
I stand corrected.
February 13, 2012 at 5:09 pm
so april when you finally kick the bucket while holding on to your judge Judy memorabilia(because you are taking that with you to hell dammit!) what sort of tragicrafts would you like made in your “honor”?
February 13, 2012 at 5:32 pm
EVIL NEVER DIES
February 13, 2012 at 7:19 pm
This, on a sampler?
February 13, 2012 at 8:37 pm
with a picture of…
February 13, 2012 at 9:14 pm
Goatse.
February 13, 2012 at 7:42 pm
Aw, shit. She must have Horcruxes.
February 13, 2012 at 8:38 pm
Yeah, us.
February 13, 2012 at 9:40 pm
Well crap, that’s gonna be a bitch to take care of in only two movies.
February 14, 2012 at 12:35 pm
Especially considering all the crap she’s bought over the years that we’re gonna have to weed through.
February 13, 2012 at 9:29 pm
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February 13, 2012 at 5:10 pm
My favorite Whitney Houston tagged item on Etsy yet.
I’ve been waiting for this. Mainly because I’ve been too lazy to go searching for the TragiCrafts all on my own.
February 13, 2012 at 5:11 pm
Actually, I totes take that back.
Rock on, Nana!
February 13, 2012 at 6:20 pm
I love you, Nana! How ’bout this? We contact the tragicrafters & tell ‘em they won some dumb “Coolest Hipster on Etsy Award”, get their addresses & send ‘em one of Nana’s magnets? Even though it would be better served on the parks, puppies & people I mentioned earlier, I’d chip in some dough to buy MAGNETS FOR MORONS!
February 13, 2012 at 8:41 pm
“painted individually on a fire-escape which hangs over the most major street in downtown Portland.”
February 14, 2012 at 12:20 am
So it.. wasn’t painted corporately on a fire escape?
February 13, 2012 at 5:10 pm
What’s truly amazing is that it looks like the usual reseller suppliers knew in advance and had boatloads of *easily customified* ready to ship.
February 13, 2012 at 9:15 pm
If I may be completely crass: It’s not like we haven’t seen this one coming for years. It’s kinda like how I know that Lindsey Lohan will die soon, and I will just look at the computer and go, “Oh. I see.”
February 13, 2012 at 5:10 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/83288168/how-to-tastefully-profit-from-a?ref=sr_gallery_10&sref=&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=whitney+Houston&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_ship_to=US&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_page=3&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
February 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm
Nana for the Double Win! See also: #22.
February 13, 2012 at 5:14 pm
You would have thought the bracelet stamper would have taken 15 extra minutes before jumping onto the Whitney bandwagon to make sure her final project didn’t look so bent and shitty. It looks like she whacked it a few extra times in her rush to fame and $$$$$.
February 13, 2012 at 5:29 pm
It’s supposed to represent the rise and fall that were worth it, my friend. Didn’t we almost have it all (aligned properly)?
February 13, 2012 at 5:16 pm
Living in the South, I’ve become something of an expert on vultures. For instance, your normal vulture won’t show up at the site of roadkill for at least 4-6 hours, as it takes at least that long for the freshly dead to start giving off the scent of death vultures find so appeling.
This etsy variety must be some kind of super-vulture species, because from what I can see they were picking Whitney’s bones clean in under an hour.
February 14, 2012 at 7:10 am
http://www.etsy.com/listing/73375730/blacklight-vultures-original-vintage
February 13, 2012 at 5:18 pm
I had to take a break from sexting with the Disabled Guy (he’s visiting his family) so I could cry glitter tears of rage over the lack of tragic crafts.
Thank you, Regretsy Lady. Now I can go back to sexting with my husband. WE ALL MOURN IN OUR OWN WAY! DON’T JUDGE ME!
February 13, 2012 at 9:57 pm
You’re awesome. I’m going to go appreciate my husband in person, who finally isn’t traveling this week.
February 13, 2012 at 5:21 pm
I like the idea of Regretsians making “in memoriam” items for either non-dead celebrities or people who died ages ago. Someone make a random mess of wire and tag it RIP THOMAS EDISON or something, or hell, even tag it in memory of dead folks who were utter monsters, fictional or real.
February 13, 2012 at 5:33 pm
A photo of a broken lightbulb: RIP Thomas Edison
A seashell: RIP Titanic (extra cost for personalization by a Sharpie)
A long silky scarf, with some axel grease smeared on the ends: RIP Isabella Duncan
February 13, 2012 at 5:44 pm
Kudos for bringing up Isadora Duncan and the Bugatti/scarf incident.
February 13, 2012 at 6:45 pm
Thanks. I was afraid it might be too soon.
February 13, 2012 at 6:59 pm
Is it too late to post my “Captain Beefheart” jar of pickled beef hearts?
February 13, 2012 at 9:05 pm
February 13, 2012 at 9:17 pm
I’m gonna need seven. I can’t properly show my devotion with less than that.
February 14, 2012 at 5:30 am
What a marvelously opaque Hallowe’en costume the last one would be. That’ll beat my friend’s Virginia Woolf outfit (stones in her pockets, frequent attempts to drown herself in the punch bowl) by a Parisian country mile.
February 13, 2012 at 5:25 pm
Lou Grubb died, I don’t see any tragicrafting for him. Boo.
February 13, 2012 at 5:36 pm
What about Zalman King? I have to hear about it on “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.”
A pair of red shoes (any size or style)—RIP Zalman King
A diary—RIP Zalman King
A big black question mark on a stark white background—RIP Zalman King
Zalman, we hardly knew you!
February 13, 2012 at 5:29 pm
The sad part?
Etsy is still showing far more class and taste than Foxnews.com.
Little Green Footballs link, since foxnews.com might have been purged.
February 13, 2012 at 5:56 pm
Good God *smh*
February 13, 2012 at 5:58 pm
I couldn’t read past the second one, now THAT’S disgusting.
February 13, 2012 at 6:27 pm
Holy shit.
February 13, 2012 at 7:23 pm
Wow. Those comments are horrifying. Ironic that people so ignorant, stupid and vile have the sheer temerity and unmitigated lack of perception or shame that they would call ANY human being worthless.
I say sour grapes. Despite her troubles, Whitney Houston achieved more than any of those pathetic little racist nobodies ever will before they shuffle off the mortal coil.
This is why heavily funding education is important, and why people like this FIGHT government funding of education: This level of blind ignorance can’t stand up to the light of a little rational thought.
SHAME be upon those fox commenters.
February 13, 2012 at 9:07 pm
But did you expect anything less from them?
February 14, 2012 at 5:17 am
Sadly, they far exceeded my expectations.
February 14, 2012 at 5:18 am
(And I mean that in the negative)
February 13, 2012 at 9:27 pm
A nice hearty, daily does of disappointment in the human race. I suppose the only thing one can do is confront those racists in person when they cross into your lives. I don’t let my grandfather-in-law get away with that crap any more.
February 14, 2012 at 5:30 am
Good for you! But the sad news is it’s younger people learning to hate that perpetuates the cycle.
Gee… I wonder where they’ve been picking up these ideas that all foreigners or anyone who looks or thinks differently is inherently evil…
(Pic is not my work, by the way.)
February 13, 2012 at 9:42 pm
I had to join regretsy just to add my voice. Really ugly, hateful shit going on at FOX.
February 13, 2012 at 5:33 pm
I was at a friend’s birthday party that night and someone got word of this on their smart phone. In the middle of a Moroccan restaurant, we drunkenly started to caterwaul our favorite Houston songs, all at once. I’m amazed they didn’t throw us out; I guess because it was between belly-dance shows so they didn’t care. We were collectively lit: it was 17 people and we were up to a bottle of wine per person; not quite drinking like Finns; maybe Danes? It was our own combination of fuckery and tragicrafting.
February 13, 2012 at 5:49 pm
“I Want to Belly Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)”
“How Will I Know (That The Gyros Are Ready)”
“Where Do Broken Pita Chips Go?”
February 13, 2012 at 6:04 pm
“The Greatest Baba Ganouj of All”
February 13, 2012 at 5:37 pm
“Cuz I’m savin’ all my glue guns for you”.
February 13, 2012 at 5:41 pm
If they really want to honor Whitney ‘s death by the way she lived, they need to mix the ashes from a burnt photo of Whitney mixed with some crushed up prescription drugs with the instructions to snort it while listening to a “vintage vinyl” album of Whitney Houston or watching the VHS tape of The Bodygaurd.
Snorting powder, vinyl record and VHS tapes all available at the Etsy seller’s site, of course.
February 13, 2012 at 5:45 pm
February 13, 2012 at 5:52 pm
I’m torn between being snarky or waxing philosophical. I think philosophical wins out: The comments to the front page? Leave me shaking my head. The crappy tragicrafting? Beyond being mercenary and tasteless, it just speaks to what a possesion-driven, throw away society we’ve become. I mean honestly, how long do you think someone is gonna hang on to their Whitney Houston Diva clock or that shitty-ass stamped bracelet? The fact that people would buy this shit? Demonstrates just how obsesses our society is with the cult of celebrity. Do you think these people would have custom-made consumer crap made for their loved ones who passed away? No fucking way.
That being said:
RIP Snooki!
February 13, 2012 at 9:11 pm
Check out the latest comment on page 4. I think The Only Sane Person In The World has chimed in.
February 14, 2012 at 7:23 am
TOSPITW is far, far wittier.
February 13, 2012 at 6:07 pm
As a long-time fan of Whitney Houston’s music (the drugs and her ex-husbands not so much) I have to say that the etsy tragicrafting induced several moments of gagging, then choking down whatever came up from my stomach. Or maybe I ate too much spicy food, I don’t know.
I can say though that this is the first time I’ve ever been more viscerally angry with tragicrafting than really just bemused/irritated/annoyed. It’s unfortunate that there’s nothing the estate of the deceased can do, but as a regretsy reader I try to do my part to help unleash unholy fuckery on the grave ghouls seeking to thieve profit from her truly tragic early demise.
February 13, 2012 at 6:09 pm
Whoa, the Cupcakes have been busy! When I checked Etsy for Whitney Houston-related Tragicrafting last night, there were only 49 items available. They’ve nearly doubled their output in less than twelve hours.
Never underestimate the power of someone with a glue gun and a desire to earn money.
February 13, 2012 at 6:10 pm
effing vultures.
February 13, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Her label, Sony, is no different. This morning they announced they were raising the prices of her albums. Now, as of last night, her albums had shot up to the top 4 of the Top 5 on Amazon and one of her albums was at #1. That always happens—an artist dies and suddenly everyone wants to listen/watch their work. I don’t have a problem with that. I DO have a problem with Sony not being happy that their sales were going up so dramatically. No, they wanted more.
At least the royalties will go to Whitney’s estate and daughter, but I’m sure there would be still be a very high influx of money even if the prices had not been raised.
February 13, 2012 at 6:45 pm
Glad you brought this up about Sony. If I had actually read all the posts I may not have posted my comments.
February 13, 2012 at 6:47 pm
That’s what I get for skimming through posts while painting portraits of Whitney on my old Xanax bottles. Next time Regretsy gets my full attention.
February 14, 2012 at 10:11 am
Don’t apologize for multitasking your tragicrafting. Time is of the essence.
February 14, 2012 at 2:18 am
The differnece between the vulture and the pimp: the former has the decency to prey on the dead.
February 14, 2012 at 10:43 am
differnece
difference
February 13, 2012 at 6:18 pm
Cupcakes. Special Snowflakes. None of the usual appellations seem to fit these tragicrafters.
I’ve got it: Vampire Cupcakes.
February 13, 2012 at 7:15 pm
http://thefabempire.com/2012/02/13/recap-recording-academy-d-c-chapter%E2%80%99s-official-grammy-viewing-party/
February 14, 2012 at 7:28 am
That made me tear up a little and my nose got stuffy. But then that often happens right before I throw up.
February 14, 2012 at 5:00 pm
February 13, 2012 at 6:19 pm
Death, the ultimate sales pitch.
February 13, 2012 at 6:23 pm
I’m surprised no one with an old bathtub has tried to unload it on Etsy as a “tribute”.
February 13, 2012 at 6:52 pm
Maybe a cushioned bath mat…because if she’d only had one, she would have slipped beneath the
waveswater. (Sorry, I was thinking about the next celebrity to die at sea and conflated the two.)February 13, 2012 at 7:16 pm
Wait for it.
February 13, 2012 at 9:01 pm
It’ll happen, trust me.
February 13, 2012 at 6:24 pm
IF YOU REALLY LOVED HER YOU WOULD BUY MY LEFT OVER SUPPLIES.
SHE WOULD WANT YOU TO.
February 13, 2012 at 6:33 pm
The tragitagging is annoying the crap out of me. They aren’t even bothering putting ANYTHING in the description on some of these…they’re just slipping “Whitney Houston” into their tags and watching those items jump to the head of the bone pile.
February 13, 2012 at 6:40 pm
itunes just jacked up the prices on their catalog of Whitney’s music…
…Why should only the big companies be allowed to profit? Who’s getting all snarky about their profits?
February 13, 2012 at 7:54 pm
I thought the idea was that hand crafters were better than huge corporations.
February 13, 2012 at 6:41 pm
All I have ready to sell right now in my store are Hell Devils, and I think people will take them the wrong way if I tag them “Whitney Houston”
February 13, 2012 at 9:12 pm
Go for it.
February 13, 2012 at 6:52 pm
Where’s the Whitney Houston Memorial Wild-Crafted Handmade Reusable Maxi Pads?
February 13, 2012 at 6:55 pm
I really wish there was an “avoid like the plague” option on Etsy. The exact opposite of a favorite button. Then I could be sure I wouldn’t purchase anything from these opportunistic cock knockers.
February 13, 2012 at 6:56 pm
I don’t care if Whitney covered the song, I Will Always Love You is a Dolly Parton song, not a Whitney Huston song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_utP1mGoutQ
But seriously, I think the Regretsy people who sell on Etsy should make some I Will Always Love You Dolly Parton crafts just to upset the Whitney Huston Tragicrafting people. Just because it would be funny to see them get all whiny.
February 13, 2012 at 9:20 pm
I am so in! I’ve been bitching about the same thing. Not that Whitney didn’t do a good job with it, mind, but Dolly made it a hit TWICE before Whitney got hold of it.
February 13, 2012 at 9:31 pm
Dolly did “For Daddy” on a TV show a few years ago. When she finished, she said:
“After Emmylou Harris did this song, I laughed all the way to the bank. Then Whitney came along, and I bought the bank.”
February 13, 2012 at 9:31 pm
Ugh. “To Daddy.”
February 13, 2012 at 10:32 pm
I do not mind that Dolly sleeps on piles of money thanks to Whitney, I am just biased towards hugely famous singers who manage to keep themselves together and live an average life span. Also, Dolly’s boobs are hypnotic.
February 13, 2012 at 7:11 pm
You know, if I was as shameless as these people, I’d've had enough money to retire years ago.
February 13, 2012 at 9:13 pm
I always said that if I were any kind of scumbag, I’d be a fucking millionaire.
February 14, 2012 at 7:09 am
Damn it, I must be doing it wrong. I have no shame or morals, but I’m still dirty poor.
February 13, 2012 at 7:26 pm
My goodness, its been 2 days… What took so long? Now all we need is bobbleheads of MJ, Amy Winehouse and Whitney Houston holding hands in heaven. “Make a joyful noise”? Bonus points for buzzard with glitter tear.
February 13, 2012 at 7:56 pm
Hey, I’d buy a buzzard with a glitter tear. A whole flock would be even better, made out of crocheted earth-toned yarn scraps, perched on barn wood…lovely.
February 13, 2012 at 9:32 pm
Throw in Etta James and you have Amy Winehouse’s father’s “girl group in heaven.”
February 14, 2012 at 1:12 am
Paint those bobbleheads on black velvet and I’ll buy a dozen.
February 13, 2012 at 7:26 pm
There’s a picture going around on facebook of Whitney in the arms of Michael Jackson in heaven (which apparently is Niagra Falls)… can one of you fat jealous losers whip up some excellent tragifs? Tragigifs?
February 13, 2012 at 7:34 pm
I had recently painted a Whitney record and when I heard about her I went ahead and clear coated it. I listed it this morning at about 6:40. At 6:50 it sold. Unbelievable.
And I didn’t even jack the price!
February 13, 2012 at 7:37 pm
Heaven is Niagara Falls? Who knew? I know I used to get confused by the Rainbow Bridge stuff… Because here, not a half hour from the falls and just West of Canada…. Who knew we were in a suburb of heaven?
February 13, 2012 at 9:33 pm
Isn’t “Rainbow Bridge” a euphemism people use when pets die?
You’re in a suburb of doggie heaven.
February 14, 2012 at 5:32 am
Unless it’s a fish, and then it’s the “magic whirlpool.”
February 14, 2012 at 7:37 am
I’ll buy the first picture of Whitney Houston going over Niagara Falls in a bathtub.
(Not really. I’m broke.)
February 14, 2012 at 10:13 am
I’d buy it and give it to you just for the giggles that image gave me.
February 13, 2012 at 8:08 pm
But it has to be organic yarn carded during the first Woodstock and blessed by Janis Joplin, while singing Mercedes-Benz
February 13, 2012 at 9:21 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/90466307/whitney-houston-lion?ref=sr_gallery_8&sref&ga_search_submit&ga_search_query=whitney+Houston&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_ship_to=US&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_page=3&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet
February 13, 2012 at 9:59 pm
Tell me about it… The SPCA that way would make Michael Vick say “what the fuck?” And who could know our traditional sarcastic “welcome to paradise” during blizzards etc was an awed little prayer/greeting.
February 13, 2012 at 10:05 pm
YDo you know who needs to be on the receiving end of some damn Tragicrafting? Do you know who was completely skipped over by cupcakes and special snowflakes alike? And who gave us such a wealth of inspiration it makes me il to think about it?
February 13, 2012 at 10:06 pm
Kim Jong Illlllllll! To the scrap bins!
February 14, 2012 at 10:16 am
A week or so ago there was an Internet rumor that Kim Jong Un had died. I wonder how many Etysian Tragicrafters burned their fingers on overheated glue guns while they grabbed every bit of fluff and glitter they could find, only to be disappointed that he was still alive.
February 13, 2012 at 10:10 pm
Zippy, you be Il’in, yo
February 13, 2012 at 10:16 pm
Is this by a FJL? if not it and there is now irony involved…well judge for your self – http://www.etsy.com/listing/90497795/whitney-houston-lion
February 14, 2012 at 5:27 am
This one’s my favorite of all the Whitney tragicrafts (it’s ANOTHER lion):
http://www.etsy.com/listing/90466307/whitney-houston-lion
February 13, 2012 at 10:41 pm
There’s actually a Whitney Houston CD up as a vintage item. from 1992.
Damn you Etsy and your “20 years is vintage” rule.
I feel old
Now get off my lawn!
February 14, 2012 at 12:05 am
Could some one tell me how “the New Edition” (wiki: an R&B group formed in Boston in 1978 ) VINTAGE (not retro) shirt with a small tear has to do with Whitney? I eman yeah (with the help of fast reading wiki) they did this: “In November of the same year, Bobby Brown, Ralph Tresvant, & Johnny Gill appeared on Whitney Houston’s track “Somebody Bigger Than You and I” featuring singers Faith Evans and Monica for the soundtrack to the film, The Preacher’s Wife which stars Houston herself” but really? that is all? that merits to slap the name Whitney Houston (and Ricky Martin at the tags) to assosiate with the shirt, that doesent have Whitney in it, or anything she said/sang? http://www.etsy.com/listing/70558108/original-new-edition-vintage-1980s?ref=sr_gallery_35&sref=&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=whitney+Houston&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_ship_to=US&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_page=2&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet= btw thats the link to the so appropriate shirt….
February 14, 2012 at 10:03 am
Keep wiki-ing, Bobby Brown is Houston’s ex-husband and father of her only daughter. Bobby Brown is also the person most people blame for Houston’s drug abuse (I don’t know therefore have no opinion on it) and there were accusations of domestic abuse during their marriage (she admitted this herself so I feel justified in having the opinion that he is an abusive asshole).
Not that I’m justifying the use of the Whitney tag, but yeah, there’s a connection there. If a horrible, insulting connection.
February 14, 2012 at 12:27 am
Does anyone else see the goatse hidden in the ring?
February 14, 2012 at 5:33 am
Well we do NOW…
February 14, 2012 at 2:58 am
BUY HANDMADE
http://www.etsy.com/listing/92896082/dvd-albums-whitney-houston-cd-t-shirt
February 14, 2012 at 5:41 am
You know, they get away with it 10 times out of 10.
One of these days I’m just going to say “screw it” and list every piece of equipment, software, and machinery in the shop on Etsy. We’ve written over all the MSRP’s so technically it’s all “hand-painted.” And the price stickers are “appliques.”
And technically any software we’ve made is “self-made” and “our design” and “produced by me” and I even have some from over 20 years ago that’s “vintage.” Hand-painted Ubuntu Live USB sticks? You betcha!
I’m going to go breathe glitter and hot glue fumes until I work up the gall to do it.
February 14, 2012 at 6:10 am
During the first week of my engagement six or so years back, my now husband asked me to come with him to his grandmother’s funeral for moral support. The minister wore a shiny gold suit, and my husband’s step-dad’s parents told my husband’s grandfather that he could now play the field. Loudly, during the post-service coffee time. In a room with around 100 people. My grandfather-in-law, being a classy man, just gave them the look of death and walked away. Oh, yeah, and the minister stumbled over Psalm 23:4 as though he hadn’t read it before. The first line. Ya know, the one that everyone knows because of a 90′s rap song.
That point had been the tackiest death experience I had ever experienced.
And then I discovered Regretsy. The gold suit pales in comparison.
February 14, 2012 at 7:07 am
I’m still waiting for the Whitney Memorial Mirror, Razor and Straw Set.
February 14, 2012 at 7:35 am
From a news item about Whitney’s upcoming New Jersey funeral that fits the bill: “Across the street from the (New Hope Baptist) church, Bashir Rasheed set up shop with a duffel bag full of T-shirts reading ‘In Memory of Whitney Houston 1963-2012.’ He said he had sold 24 shirts at $10 apiece within a few hours.” How lovely for you and your customers, Bashir.
February 14, 2012 at 7:55 am
as i was browsing this, i wondered if amy winehouse had this sort of commemoration (i’m new to regretsy). and of course she did!!
February 14, 2012 at 8:01 am
Gross! SEO and capitalism does not a decent human make.
February 14, 2012 at 8:04 am
February 14, 2012 at 8:06 am
I wish I could thumb-down myself.
February 14, 2012 at 9:03 am
I noticed Helen filed this post in “Dead Things” category. I think we’ve seen enough Tragicrafting by now to have a separate category for it, don’t you think? I mean, it’s already a TM, for goodness sake! Plus, poor celebs aren’t at fault for being dead. It’s the Tragicrafters that we are after.
February 14, 2012 at 9:41 am
Oh goodness. I have this tiny little Etsy shop that gets nearly no views and I’m cool with that, as it’s just an excuse to my husband to buy beads and make myself some funky jewelry.. so just for giggles I added “Witney Houston” to one of the item tags with a disclaimer, of course, that I was just curious about the item views and that my item actually had nothing to do with the famous dead. Views doubled overnight. I may have found my new marketing scheme, lol!
February 14, 2012 at 10:09 am
How about a link! Some of us love funky beaded jewelry! Unless of course you really don’t want to part with some of your pieces.
February 14, 2012 at 7:01 pm
Oh that was misleading. I am fully aware that most of the stuff in my shop just looks like i’m trying too hard, and there is very little funk involved. I tend to keep the stuff I really love, lol, it’s the rest of it that gets listed. Sorry. That was sucky of me. I’m still learning, lol!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/mama2beans
please no hating, I know it looks…er.. hand crafted.
February 14, 2012 at 10:24 am
I forget for which departed celebrity, but there was a seller who tagged her item with the celebrity’s name and when one of us asked her about it, the seller said that the Regretsian should tag ALL of her items that way. To paraphrase, “They’ll come to your shop and then look at all the other items and you’ll sell something!”
Sometimes I hate people SO much.
February 14, 2012 at 10:24 am
Obviously everyone forgot the most infamous words to ever come out of Whitney’s mouth “CRACK IS WACK!”
February 14, 2012 at 10:27 am
Yes! She made a point to Diane Sawyer that she, Whitney, doesn’t smoke crack. “Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack. Let’s get that straight, okay?”
February 14, 2012 at 10:29 am
And that priceless little quote that you know we’ve all said at one point or another “AAAW HELLS TO THE NO!” I admit to seeing blurbs on The Soup, I never actually watched Whitney loves Bobby.
February 14, 2012 at 11:02 am
This is the proper way to honour Whitney: “90-year old grandma’s dance tribute to Whitney Houston” http://boingboing.net/2012/02/13/90-year-old-grandmas-dance-t.html
February 14, 2012 at 11:16 am
The Crying Eagle didn’t Die Too, Did He?
February 14, 2012 at 6:35 pm
So now Apple and Sony are even getting in on the action:
http://www.digitalspy.com/music/news/a365322/whitney-houston-death-apple-criticized-after-albums-price-boost.html
February 14, 2012 at 7:11 pm
Let’s see…I’ve got some extra pill organizers and wine glasses around here. Now all I need is some bath salts, for the “Remember Whitney” kits.
February 14, 2012 at 7:30 pm
I can sell my old CDs on Etsy?? Awesome, didn’t know they were vintage. Good to know
February 15, 2012 at 4:42 am
Wow. I am seriously thinking of changing my username from “Twight Rose” to “Beachy Teal.” COLOR FUCKERY 4 LYFE
February 15, 2012 at 11:24 am
I’m waiting at least another week before listing my Whitney Houston memorial crack pipe and Xanax and bath salts relaxation kits. It’s more respectful that way.
April 19, 2012 at 5:53 pm
Hey! I have A LOT of extra Klonopin!