Sad Hipster Is Sad
This post first appeared on Regretsy on March 4, 2011
Let’s face it, hipster life is not always easy.
It’s hard to get up in the morning, knowing you have to put on your sister’s jeans and ride your fixed-gear bike all the way down to the meatpacking district, just to get some fair trade coffee. Some days you just want to pull that ironic T-shirt over your head and stop reading Noam Chomsky on your iPad.
Hey man, I hear you.
But when life gives you Meyer lemons, you have to make French Lemonade. You have to look for the good things in life, even when you’re pale and sad and your hair isn’t quite long enough to cover your eyes.
So come on! Fire up The Decemberists on your record player (because vinyl is the only medium that matters) and let yourself go. Sure, you only have one sleeve and a neck hole, but that doesn’t mean you can’t dance!
February 11, 2012 at 5:03 pm
It’s like a snuggie for a snake. A snake with low self esteem.
February 11, 2012 at 6:22 pm
The scarf, or his (sister’s) pants?
February 11, 2012 at 7:15 pm
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February 12, 2012 at 2:10 am
How would you know? I mean since you’re a fat jealous loser like the rest of us, you’ve probably not seen it in over 5 years, which I believe is enough to declare it legally dead…
February 12, 2012 at 11:10 am
Maybe he’s a grower.
February 11, 2012 at 5:05 pm
Since when do cut up sweaters sell for $200? Stupid hipsters.
February 11, 2012 at 5:07 pm
It’s not a cut-up sweater. Someone committed this yarn-crime deliberately.
February 11, 2012 at 5:12 pm
Somewhere, a skein of yarn is crying glitter tears over this monstrosity.
February 12, 2012 at 2:57 am
Hoping to be snagged so it can unravel itself and put an end to its tragic life.
February 13, 2012 at 10:30 am
Here. Hold this thread as I walk away.
February 11, 2012 at 5:25 pm
I look just like this when I’m putting on my clothes and get confused. But then I find the arm hole and end up dressed like a sane person.
February 11, 2012 at 5:06 pm
I like it, I would gogo dance in nothing but that thing.
February 11, 2012 at 5:12 pm
Glad I’m not the only one who likes it. Can’t help but think how amazing this would look with my one-strapped overall jeans.
February 11, 2012 at 5:08 pm
If I were wearing those ?pants?, I’d be really sad and wearing anything I could to take the attention away from them, too.
February 12, 2012 at 5:38 pm
I couldn’t give a fuck less about that ridiculous sweater thing I wanna know WTF ARE THE PANTS MADE OUT OF??? Are they tights? Leggings? Long Johns? Is he tucking? I DON’T KNOW. I have NO answers.
I need answers. Anyone?
February 11, 2012 at 5:09 pm
Lycra leggings to boot!
February 11, 2012 at 5:10 pm
Sad Hipster is Sad because his Hipster girlfriend gave up knitting and took up pottery before she finished his sweater.
February 11, 2012 at 5:10 pm
♬I’m a hipster tea-pot, see me pout ♪
♪ My girl’s warez I model, she better better put out ♬
February 11, 2012 at 5:11 pm
i can’t wait to see what bizarre knitting item esty will come up with next.
February 11, 2012 at 5:13 pm
FUCK. first regresty post and i can’t even spell.
February 11, 2012 at 5:15 pm
Insufficient alcohol, probably…
February 11, 2012 at 5:16 pm
“Some days you just want to pull that ironic T-shirt over your head and stop reading Noam Chomsky on your iPad.”
Best. HK Commentary. EVER.
February 11, 2012 at 5:17 pm
I found the “Cubist Literature” reference odd enough to google it. If this is the same guy, then you must check out his website: http://cubistliterature.com/home.html Photo gallery is really something! Why or why do people consider these kinds of photos artistic? They are self-indulgent at best. Also: Most Boring Blog Ever.
February 11, 2012 at 5:18 pm
*reaches up and changes “r” to “h”*
Damn.
February 11, 2012 at 5:34 pm
Knit Bondage is my absolute favorite one of the bunch; a knitted ball gag and knitted boxer shorts in front of a fridge with magnetic letters? You can’t make this shit up!
February 11, 2012 at 5:41 pm
I thought the pink knitted jockstrap was quite….special.
February 12, 2012 at 6:35 pm
The side-peen was a nice touch.
February 11, 2012 at 9:37 pm
somehow the letters were the most disturbing part of that pic
February 12, 2012 at 1:05 pm
I’m strangely fascinated..
February 11, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Bondage knitwear…that’s a first for me.
February 11, 2012 at 5:44 pm
anyone else find it interesting that he chose to call the site c.lit?
February 11, 2012 at 6:01 pm
I was thinking banal, but whatever.
February 11, 2012 at 6:33 pm
You, sir, are no Brooklyn Tweed.
February 11, 2012 at 11:47 pm
It does seem to be a rather odd choice for a blog which brings little pleasure…
February 11, 2012 at 8:35 pm
Thank you friend, this made my night. The best part of those photos is the setting: grandma’s house.
“What’s that sweetie? You want to have some friends over while I’m at bingo night? Well sure, but just don’t let me catch you with your nut sack in my afghan again. Knit your own bondage-thinga-whosits!”
February 11, 2012 at 8:36 pm
I think that is the second most disgusting self-love montage I have ever seen in my life. I mean seriously, if you want to look at yourself naked just go stand in front of the mirror for two hours, don’t subject the rest of the world to your pale soft body. And not pale and soft in a good way, pale and soft in the wow-I-should-really-start-doing-some-sit-ups-or-something sort of way.
February 12, 2012 at 2:03 am
Which really begs the questions – what is the first most disgusting self-love montage? Please, otherwise I’ll be guessing all night…
February 12, 2012 at 1:07 pm
I don’t say the guy should be modeling, but I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers.
February 11, 2012 at 5:22 pm
I haven’t pulled this one out in awhile…
February 11, 2012 at 6:00 pm
Sad Jesus is sad.
February 11, 2012 at 6:10 pm
and dancing
February 12, 2012 at 12:19 pm
Against barn wood
February 12, 2012 at 5:47 pm
:right click, save: Thank you! Oddly enough, the pants don’t catch my attention now, they look perfect, now.
February 11, 2012 at 5:26 pm
Finally a penis cozy for me..It appears long enough but may be a bit too tight.Hmmmmmmmmmmm
February 11, 2012 at 5:35 pm
not enough thumbs for this one
February 13, 2012 at 10:47 am
February 13, 2012 at 10:49 am
February 11, 2012 at 5:31 pm
Is that a 1/2 banana in his pants?
February 11, 2012 at 5:33 pm
To the tune of Yankee Doodle Dandy (for obvious post-irony reasons) –
I’m just a tiny penised hipster
My tiny penis you infer
A real live nephew of a really rich guy
My trust fund is so sky high
I’ve got a sad hipster sweetheart
She thinks life has no joy
Tiny penised hipster came to Brooklyn
Just to rise his green Dutch bike
I am that tiny penised hipster boy!
February 12, 2012 at 8:57 am
Also helps if you sing it like you were James Cagney…
February 13, 2012 at 10:20 am
TallandGassy: Thank you for that. I imagine him throwing in a little street ‘tude along with the singing.
February 11, 2012 at 5:34 pm
I like the animation except for the frame in which it looks like the model’s hand is dangling from a metal joint. Is this fellow sad because he only has one arm and knitting this scarf is a particularly tough thing to do with only one opposable thumb?
February 11, 2012 at 5:35 pm
Only one can be bought, though, because once one hipster has it, it’s too mainstream. No wonder it’s $200!
February 11, 2012 at 5:50 pm
Sad Hipster is my favorite Regretsy post of all time.
February 11, 2012 at 6:30 pm
It really ought to be brought out every year. We could make it a holiday.
February 11, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Mine too… I can’t think of it or the resulting fallout without a huge smile.
Cheer up emo kid… there are people out there with two cold arms.
February 11, 2012 at 11:35 pm
It’s hard to believe it’s been a whole year since last Sad Dancing Hipster Day.
February 12, 2012 at 7:34 am
Mine too! And yet, I forget him so easily!
February 11, 2012 at 5:51 pm
What’s really sad is that hipster is totally dancing in sync with the music I’m playing…
February 11, 2012 at 5:57 pm
Aw…one of the best regretsy posts ever. I hope that it causes as much upheaval as it did the first time.
I love to see when the sad hipsters turn into pissed off sad hipsters.
February 11, 2012 at 6:07 pm
Holy shit! I just figured out what I’m going to wear to the NYC Shindig, and if I apply myself, I actually have time to knit it!
February 11, 2012 at 8:07 pm
except mine will have a Finnish curse down the sleeve and I will not look sad while wearing it.
February 12, 2012 at 6:29 am
As long as you dance it, that’s all that matters.
February 12, 2012 at 5:49 pm
best. idea. ever. I want a pic with you!!!
February 11, 2012 at 6:23 pm
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February 11, 2012 at 7:43 pm
wat
February 12, 2012 at 7:43 am
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February 12, 2012 at 1:10 pm
Did you see the title at the top of the page?
February 12, 2012 at 5:48 am
Beware, should your keneticism be sprayed. Get a hat.
February 12, 2012 at 7:45 am
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February 12, 2012 at 1:12 pm
February 12, 2012 at 11:13 am
Well, at least your username is fitting.
February 11, 2012 at 6:23 pm
why is he wearing those horrible pants. I know hipsters like skinny pants, but these are more like 80s aerobic video spandex pants.
February 11, 2012 at 6:28 pm
This totally made my night. I just love Sad Hipster. He’s so very sad.
February 11, 2012 at 6:30 pm
So glad to see sad hipster again. I love him, just the way he is, dancing, that is.
February 11, 2012 at 7:19 pm
Sad Hipster is sad because his hipster friend tried to make him a sling for his shoulder after he injured it while getting too passionate during a debate about the fate of the american honey badger due to over-industrialization and he ended up with that. Sorry for the run on.
February 11, 2012 at 7:45 pm
I had forgotten how distracting his pants were.
February 11, 2012 at 8:34 pm
Damn. I drink fair trade organic coffee, I worship Noam Chomsky, and I like the Decemberists (a lot). But I’m certainly not a hipsterette. And all my sweaters are whole. Also, I’m fat, and im pretty sure they don’t allow Fat Jealous Losers into their exclusive club that I don’t want to belong to anyway.
February 12, 2012 at 1:11 pm
Nope, being fat automatically disqualifies you (and me).
Look on the bright side. WE get to eat ice cream.
February 11, 2012 at 8:45 pm
I know where he wears this.
He’s sad because no one in Billyburg drives. They all ride fixies. Take a cab, silly hipster!
February 11, 2012 at 9:16 pm
Holy fuckcakes, has it been a year already? It seems like just yesterday that pretentious douche was singling me out for my avatar having elf ears.
He really pulled out the big guns that day.
February 11, 2012 at 9:44 pm
Why does he look like he’s wearing the jeggins stonewashed version of chick pajama jeans? I mean, look at it. You can see his tiny knob.
Doesn’t he know they have pajama jeans for men, including
stupidprison fashion inviting butt rapeinsipidly hipster retro-80′s heavy metal douche wadthat fashionable boxer hanging out lookthat make men walk like a penguinFebruary 12, 2012 at 5:55 am
Those pants have got to go. I just hope someone’s taking pictures when they do.
February 12, 2012 at 10:14 am
Sorry… pants? Where? Didn’t notice.
February 11, 2012 at 11:36 pm
Thank god. I’ve been fretting over Spandy Andy’s missing spandex sleeve, lest he catch a chill in this wintery weather. Now there’s a solution!
February 12, 2012 at 1:54 am
From “The Call of Cthulhu”:
Dark, frail, and somewhat unkempt in aspect, he turned languidly at my knock and asked me my business without rising… The youth was of a type, at once slightly affected and slightly ill-mannered, which I could never like.”
I don’t know if the point has been made before, but I think Lovecraft was warning us that the presence of hipsters eventually leads to the rise of the Elder Gods.
February 12, 2012 at 1:56 pm
Or possibly that the Elder Gods will be preferable in the wake of all the hipster crap we’re slogging through now.
After a singularly horrific pic of a hipster chick posing ironically over her used tampon and menstrual blood on a sidewalk, ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn sounds pretty good right about now. (Seriously: CANNOT UNSEE.)
February 12, 2012 at 4:55 am
Am I the only one with Weezer stuck in their head now?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHQqqM5sr7g
February 12, 2012 at 1:13 pm
No, I’m there. I like that song, though.
February 12, 2012 at 4:55 am
It’s like an antidepressant drug company ad gone wrong.
February 12, 2012 at 5:27 am
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February 12, 2012 at 5:58 am
I hope you get herpes.
February 12, 2012 at 7:22 am
You…clever bastard
February 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm
makes me think of a skinny sad Howard from The Big Bang Theory.
February 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm
No, no, no- when life gives a hipster lemons, they make homemade limoncello. And refer to it every time with both words.