111 comments on I BRAKE FOR PHLOGISTON
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February 10, 2012 at 10:01 am
Absinthe…the liquor that made me barf and piss myself in a baptist church parking lot. True story.
February 10, 2012 at 10:07 am
Too bad it wasn’t Westboro Baptist Church. You’d have gotten extra points.
February 10, 2012 at 10:15 am
God Hates Cogs
Watch out, Steampunks.
February 10, 2012 at 10:21 am
ooh, absinthe stories, i like it! let’s see,
absinthe…the liquor that made my dad light my cousin’s boyfriend on fire in the front yard and that i suspect of destroying my favorite lamp when i woke up with scissors and oil pastels.
February 10, 2012 at 10:54 am
Ah Absinthe, you made the sidewalk rise up and smack me in the face, good times.
February 10, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Is absinthe to blame for you sleeping with the scissors and oil pastels? If so, I gotta get me some of that!
February 10, 2012 at 1:44 pm
it was during the “bunking at my parent’s” phase. it was a mattress on the floor with all of my belongings basically in the bed with me. i slept with lots of weird stuff.
February 10, 2012 at 2:06 pm
Good ol’ absinthe. You inspired me to spend several minutes trying to unlock a janitor’s closet with my room key after a fellow partier convinced me that a third story windowsill was not the best place to sleep.
February 10, 2012 at 10:54 am
Now that sounds like a good time.
February 10, 2012 at 12:33 pm
No Cosby fans here, eh? Tough crowd.
February 10, 2012 at 12:29 pm
No good absinthe stories here, only good recipes. (Yes, I know there’s no Thujone in US Absinthe, but it’s still pretty damn good.) I think I’ll whip up a Corpse Reviver (No. 2) when I get home, just because it’s so so good.
February 10, 2012 at 3:49 pm
Made my own once, from a kit I found online (basically herbal/wormwood infused vodka). I drank a huge amount of it, and apparently puked up great rivers of green goo… I don’t recall that, I “slept” thought it. Had I stopped while I was ahead, it would have been a fine old time.
February 10, 2012 at 6:49 pm
A little background first – I went to the Czech Republic in college. When ordering absinthe from bars, they would serve it in a highballs glass with a few sugar packets, a spoon, and a lighter on the side. Put sugar on spoon, dip in the drink, set spoon on fire. Once the flame is more or less out but the sugar is still a tad syrupy, mix it with the rest of the absinthe and take it like a shot.
A friend of mine had been in Spain around the same time. She loves Spanish-speaking cultures. She had a lot of nice pieces of decor from various Spanish-speaking countries in her apartment, including a wooden table from Mexico.
She brought a bottle of absinthe back with her, though she hadn’t actually drank any absinthe while she was in Spain. It was her birthday, and we were incredibly drunk. She brought out the absinthe and asked me how to drink it. We gathered our supplies. The details get hazy from there, but I recall setting her wooden table on fire. The flames were blue.
February 11, 2012 at 5:55 pm
So, from what I am reading, absinthe has a greater than average chance of getting things set on fire.
February 10, 2012 at 10:02 am
“It’s a fully-articulated sentient automaton, not a choice.”
February 10, 2012 at 10:03 am
HAHA! Brilliant.
February 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm
Sounds like what the steampunk abortion robot was designed for…
February 10, 2012 at 10:03 am
Did a burlesque performance to Tom Waits “Little Drop of Poison” and mixed absinthe on stage… almost died when I tried to drink it. I abhor back licorice/anise. Crowd ate that shit up like crack though.
February 10, 2012 at 10:06 am
“this necklace is custom made to reflect your family”
Nothing could depict my family more clearly than stick figures sans pants or shirts.
February 10, 2012 at 10:36 am
Yep, evidently in that family you are either issued a shirt, shorts, or a flour sack.
February 10, 2012 at 11:11 am
It’s the Joads?
February 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm
Nah, it’s what happens after the hobo wedding.
February 11, 2012 at 2:08 pm
I was thinking “See Dick and Jane get married and have a family”
February 10, 2012 at 10:06 am
Well… I actually kind of like it. I hate the stupid stick figure family phenomenon but I like the chains and the copper. If it had something different stamped on it, it might be cute.
February 10, 2012 at 10:14 am
If it had something different stamped on it, it might be steampunk.
February 10, 2012 at 10:21 am
I would wear it to the next sci fi/fantasy con and show it to all of the hipster steampunks there and photograph their reactions. I would then make the photos into some kind of collage art and act all offended when nobody got my concept.
February 20, 2012 at 5:41 pm
What the hell made them catch onto this particular thing? Why couldn’t they all go anime and walk around dressed like whatever it is the otaku are watching these days?
I mean, Steampunk was cool back when it was a real liturature genre and something no one else understood but us. Well, … judging by what they sell on Etsy as Steampunk, I guess nobody does understand it but us.
I got so disgusted, Mrs. Woolencroft retired and went home forever.
Sometimes an octopus is just a cephalopod.
February 10, 2012 at 10:30 am
If it had something different stamped, it wouldn’t be whimsicle.
February 10, 2012 at 10:51 am
Zombies
February 10, 2012 at 10:51 am
Or stick figure porn.
February 10, 2012 at 11:58 am
I’ve always wanted one of these decals for my car:
February 10, 2012 at 12:25 pm
Holy shit, I MUST have one of those!
February 10, 2012 at 4:20 pm
Amazon.com, among others… Just search for the phrase.
February 11, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Or click the link in my post.
February 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm
I’ll buy too
February 10, 2012 at 3:19 pm
And has the middle figure Calvin’s grin or is it just me?
February 11, 2012 at 6:12 pm
Welcome to my Amazon Wish List.
( I’m talking to the decal, not you, rushgirl2112 )
February 10, 2012 at 10:07 am
Custom made to reflect your family?
I’ll take one with a sad, old woman (flask in one hand, knitting needles in the other), and 27 cats.
Also, I’ll take one of those “levitating, investigating” bumper stickers. You know, for irony.
February 10, 2012 at 10:21 am
That family pictured have no pants.
February 10, 2012 at 10:55 am
I want stickers of a woman with a smile on her face and her fists in the air with a giant sack of money next to her.
February 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm
You mean like this?
http://winblog.org/win/crazy-cat-lady-car-decal-win/
February 10, 2012 at 12:16 pm
I seriously thought that was my mother-in-law’s car until I saw it was a Kia. She only buys American cars.
February 10, 2012 at 2:58 pm
Why is it that if you have a lot of cats, you’re considered crazy, but if you have 19 kids, you get your own TV show?
February 11, 2012 at 12:02 pm
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February 11, 2012 at 2:48 pm
They “support” their family by whoring our their private life to TLC.
February 10, 2012 at 12:15 pm
My Mother-In-Law is a crazy cat lady (said with love) and has “family” car stickers of her and her 13 cats. She lives in the country and has to remove one from time to time when a cat gets eaten by a coyote. True story.
February 10, 2012 at 10:07 am
I wasn’t aware that Captain Nemo was married… or had kids.
February 10, 2012 at 10:37 am
Steampunk porn – Grinding Nemo
February 10, 2012 at 10:44 am
No, a PETA nightmare: Grinding Nemo.
“Will he blend?”
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Yes, with plenty of room for Marlin, Gill, Bloat, Peach, Bubbles, Gurgle, Deb and Jacque.
February 10, 2012 at 10:45 am
Damn! The photo didn’t come up!
February 10, 2012 at 10:09 am
If I gave that necklace to my beloved for V Day, the lovely people at Swiss medical would be extracting it from my butt within an hour. The gears would be a bitch.
February 10, 2012 at 10:09 am
A smidgen of absinthe makes the heart grow fonder…
February 10, 2012 at 10:19 am
And makes the stomach grow turbulent.
February 10, 2012 at 11:19 am
LOL! I am feeling the turbulence by proxy.
February 10, 2012 at 10:10 am
Are the stick figure lady’s boobs defying gravity or is that supposed to be a collar?
February 10, 2012 at 10:13 am
She forgot the fundamental constituents of Steampunkery: gears and watch parts, and maybe an octopus instead of the dog.
February 10, 2012 at 10:24 am
There are two gears cleverly hidden in this necklace, can you find them?
February 10, 2012 at 11:03 am
No, the gears are there…check out the chain. What’s missing is the watch parts. On the other hand, an octopus instead of the dog would be awesome, but only if it’s wearing a monocle.
Hmmm…you know, if those stick figures actually *were* done to look more steampunk, it might save this.
February 10, 2012 at 12:03 pm
I’m not as great a Photoshopper as many of you, but I managed to make this happen in my artistic ability.
February 10, 2012 at 12:33 pm
Now if everyone was wearing a tiny little top hat, it would be perfect.
February 10, 2012 at 5:29 pm
Oh look! A Steampunk Cthulhu!
February 10, 2012 at 4:10 pm
So this is sort of relevant and sort of a hijack because I thought people might be interested: Robert Brown from Abney Park is offering $100 to the person who designs him the best silhouette/stick figure/cartoony steampunk family. https://www.facebook.com/CaptianRobert <– It's on his facebook in one of his status updates. He's going to use the design to make decals.
Also, he is probably one of the worst spellers in the world. You've been warned.
February 10, 2012 at 10:18 am
The only time that cutesy shit is acceptable is when it’s done with, say, the characters from Star Wars, like I saw on a car a few days ago. I wouldn’t mind a Shaun of the Dead variety, either.
February 10, 2012 at 10:20 am
I want a bumper sticker that just says “Luddite.”
February 10, 2012 at 10:21 am
To put on my goat cart.
February 10, 2012 at 10:25 am
And post pictures of it on your website, with links to Facebook and Twitter.
February 10, 2012 at 11:19 am
There’s an app for that.
February 10, 2012 at 11:20 am
Heretic!
February 11, 2012 at 11:41 am
iLuddite v.8
February 10, 2012 at 10:24 am
I’ve been invited to a steampunk meetup on Sunday. I’m not really one myself, but the local steamers all love me for some reason. I may have to ask them about this….
February 10, 2012 at 10:24 am
Steampunk Soccer Mom:
“Yes, and after I convey my biological offspring to the spherical velocity competition preparation, I must maneuver my propulsion craft over to the provision repository for a four-litre vessel of bovine excretion.”
February 10, 2012 at 10:29 am
Niiiiice!
February 10, 2012 at 12:34 pm
That picture is too freakin’ cool. Wherever did you find it? (Or did you make it?)
February 10, 2012 at 5:25 pm
DeviantArt.com
Just Google “pregnant” and “Steampunk” and look under images.
February 10, 2012 at 4:21 pm
*Cough* Nitpick, but milk is a secretion, not an excretion.
Agree, awesome cartoon.
February 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm
Excretion, secretion
Tom-A-toe, Tom-ah-toe
Douche canoe, twat waffle…
February 10, 2012 at 8:10 pm
I thought she was going to pick up four liters of bullshit. Honestly.
February 10, 2012 at 9:54 pm
Ah. Stopping by Etsy’s front page then.
February 10, 2012 at 4:53 pm
I didn’t know Winry got knocked up. Was it Ed or Al?
February 10, 2012 at 10:26 am
Isn’t this the plaque they launched into space on Voyager? You know, the one with Kurt Waldheim telling the story of how he was a pastry chef in the war?
February 11, 2012 at 5:19 pm
I am embarrassed to say I spent several minutes trying to figure out which episode of Voyager you were talking about.
February 10, 2012 at 10:27 am
“My Other Conveyance is a Penny Farthing.”
February 10, 2012 at 10:33 am
The cog-shaped green stain on my skin from the copper might be a little more steampunk.
February 10, 2012 at 10:41 am
I always picture those stupid stick figures as little people that were smashed like bugs on the glass.
February 10, 2012 at 4:23 pm
I like to imagine them with tiny bullet holes in their little foreheads.
February 10, 2012 at 8:34 pm
See, I always think they look like a kill tally. In fact, when they first started showing up on cars, I genuinely thought they were intended to be brilliantly black humor. You may imagine my disappointment. Trufax.
February 10, 2012 at 10:43 am
I created an engine powered by indifference, which seemed so abundant and cheap, but even if I got where I meant to go, I was always late.
February 10, 2012 at 8:27 pm
This is awesome.
February 10, 2012 at 10:51 am
Did anyone see the episode of Selling New York where one of the realtors was very excited about her discovery of this “Steampunk” thing and decided to use it to sell real estate. The combination of condescension and cluelessness really reminded me of Etsy.
February 10, 2012 at 11:12 am
*sigh* How I long for the majesty of the Victorian stick figure. I better go buy five of these. Let’s just hope the seller will make it with me, my husband, my girlfriend, the cat, and possibly the studly guy who mows our lawn.
February 10, 2012 at 11:21 am
I love April even more now that she has used the word phlogiston.
February 10, 2012 at 11:43 am
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February 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm
What do you mean by “you people,” huh?
February 10, 2012 at 12:37 pm
Here.
February 10, 2012 at 2:57 pm
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February 10, 2012 at 2:59 pm
Unfortunately “joke” and “ignorance” often look the same.
February 10, 2012 at 3:05 pm
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February 10, 2012 at 4:23 pm
It was in no way clear that it was a joke, if so, it wasn’t funny, and in either case, acting like a prick does not help your case.
February 10, 2012 at 4:26 pm
Yeah…the thing is, “jokes” don’t usually need to be “explained.”
February 12, 2012 at 2:11 pm
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February 10, 2012 at 12:29 pm
You know, if something in alien was stamped instead of the suburban nuclear family this would almost make sense. almost.
February 10, 2012 at 5:30 pm
February 10, 2012 at 12:51 pm
“My Child has Perfect Attendance at the Braxton Shirtwaist Factory”
February 10, 2012 at 1:21 pm
I knew you all really liked me…you keep mentioning my name.
February 10, 2012 at 1:51 pm
Absinthe, ah yes. Repeatedly extracting intoxicated LARPers from bushes in the forest through a long night. HuZzaH!?!, crash, barf. The one who hates licorice/anise gets to be the designated rescuer every time… The truck needed a bumper sticker: Warning: Truck Powered by Methane, Passengers Powered by Absinthe.
February 10, 2012 at 4:26 pm
HUZZAH!?!
Crash
Barf
I’d like a tee shirt, please.
February 10, 2012 at 2:40 pm
And now it’s time for the Regretsy sing-along.
o/` Just glue some gears on it and call it Steampunk!
That’s the trendy fashion now a days!
Some copper painted chunk
of some 1980s junk
will fetch a pretty penny on eBay! o/`
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFCuE5rHbPA
February 10, 2012 at 6:45 pm
I spent last weekend at TempleCon (www.templecon.org) and next year one of both of those bumper stickers will be on my car. Just need to figure out which one goes on my car, and which goes on the hubby’s.
February 14, 2012 at 1:08 pm
No, it’s Absinthe makes the heart grow fungus! FUNGUS!
March 14, 2012 at 11:19 am
How is this steampunk?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/94102072/british-union-flag-crown-steampunk
bung some keys on it?
March 14, 2012 at 11:21 am
or this? http://www.etsy.com/listing/48731637/vintage-chandelier-crystal-steampunk
They’re all at it.