It hurts when I laugh. This picture put me in a great deal of pain. But it was a good pain. I may be developing masochism. Oh yeah, hurt me, hurt me goooooood.
I had a dog that would, embarrassingly, do just what you’re trying not to think about. She didn’t have any sort of instructive squeaky-toy to train her, either.
We had a freaking beagle when I was a teeanger. Heaven forbid you forgot to close the bathroom door because that dog would have a grand old time is strewing and shredding bloody pads and tampons everywhere. Ugh….
A dog my family had when I was growing up did that once. Only it wasn’t ONE tampon, it was about six. And when my dad got up in the wee hours and saw the regurgitated horror on the floor, he was convinced the dog had murdered a family of white mice.
Funny story:
A couple years back, my nephew went to take the dog out to do her business. He came back in a few minutes later, grabbed some paper towels and headed back out. When he finally came in, he did NOT look happy. We asked him what happened.
The dog was trying to poop, straining and having a horrid time, he saw she had something stuck in her butthole, so he grabbed the paper towels so he could grab it and pull it out, as she was in such discomfort (kid is way too nice), got ahold of it, pulled it out, and it was a tampon.
For months after that, if someone mentioned something about having a bad day, he’d give us a look of scorn and say “Oh yeah?? Did you pull a tampon out of a dog’s ass? Hmm????”
Apparently not, but I can relate. There’s a story in my family of my aunt’s panties all having holes in them after the dog decided they were it’s favorite toy.
I could be wrong, but I don’t think it was just dogs getting at our underwear that got you thumbed down. My guess? Two magical, horrible words: Yeast infection.
I worked for a vet that used to board animals…we got this little obnoxious toy dog in a crate to board, from a very unlikable woman. we take the bitey-yappy thing out of the crate, and put it’s bedding in it’s boarding cage. we find this “toy” of knotted up cloth. Suspicious, we had to open it up (with sterile instruments), and it was a very large pair of very old looking panties. with some short & curlies still on them. I had nightmares for weeks.
We had a poodle that shredded pads.(Sniffle)I don’t feel so alone anymore. Only he’d drag the shredded remains down the hall. And it was inevitably on the days I wasn’t the first one home.
My visits from the Crimson Devil are very long and very heavy, to the point that I had to start wearing disposable underwear lined with pads in order to sleep for two-three hours without needing to change the sheets and clean the mattress. (And, yes, FINALLY getting this dealt with. UTERINE ABLATION FTWMF’nW!)
Anyway. I also have ferrets. My sweet little girl, Bowie, turned out to be quite the collector. When I discovered the used products she had been stealing and stashing, I a) contacted the CDC in hopes they would quarantine and burn my apartment to the ground and b) promptly bought a diaper pail for my bathroom. Tall, lidded, and odor-proof: I HAVE TRIUMPHED OVER THE WEASEL.
Well done! I have ferrets as well, and TRIUMPHING OVER THE WEASEL is quite the feat.
My little dears have never gone after used products, but I accidentally discovered that tampons fresh in their wrappers are apparently the BEST FERRET TOY EVER,at least according to my first two little girls. The point of the exercise is to separate all the component parts out, shred them, and then disseminate them as widely as possible in keeping with the precepts of Ferret Shui.
I don’t know either, I’ve burnt out a few brain cells in my attempt to suss out the reasons. At this point I’m just muttering obscenities, shaking my fist and making rude gestures in the general direction of the person who made that abhorrence.
*says with grimace on face* if you think that’s great, you can order the gag gift one…oh yay…I have many friends I’d love to give a pretend bloody tampon to…
I was actually just wishing I could afford to order the gag one.
No, really. My family has a…I guess you could call it a tradition(?) where we try to gross my husband out by leaving disgusting-looking things (such as, say, a printout of Tub Girl) where he will come across them when he’s least expecting it. The gag gift size bloody tampon would be SO perfect. I can already see his reaction. BEAUTIFUL.
Yes, yes, I ALREADY KNOW there’s something deeply wrong with me and mine. Please, there’s no need to rub it it.
If I hadn’t read any of the text and just looked at it, I would think it was a badly crocheted (uneven color work) ’50s comic book space rocket (with a hanging fuse to be lit).
Because we all know if you put it away when company is coming, it will reappear in the most embarrassing way possible. Like when the dog brings it to your dad to play fetch.
I think I’ll buy a gross to hang on all the crosses one of the local churches puts up during “right to life” month every year.
With my luck everyone will just say “KEWT!” though.
Those are just… splendiforous! Thank god I can’t actually afford to spend money on such frivolities, and therefore my pet’s dignity remains intact. (for now)
That’s one of my good friend’s shop, she’s awesome. Check out her other shop http://handmademonster.etsy.com if you haven’t already for more awesome stuff (including a Yoda ears hat for dogs).
My cat Buddy loves to chew on a wrapped new tampon. It’s his favorite toy. He prefers the the Tampax Pearl wrapped tampons to the Playtex wrapped tampons.
This has to be merely one of the products in the Crocheted Canine Crudities Collection. Next up, giant crocheted cat shit (with kitty-litter beading), life-sized crocheted decomposing squirrel, and the piece de resistance, crocheted used diaper.
Although I have to warn her, dogs aren’t impressed by replicas. So she’ll have to get the smells right if she expects this to take off.
Miss Kitty Kraptacular
February 8, 2012 at 9:50 am
Did they crochet cat poop too? That’s another dog favorite. Our vet used to call them “Kitty hot dogs”. I didn’t eat hot dogs for the longest time after that.
I crochet. I have dark brown yarn. And for the litter, some white yarn and tan yarn (perhaps a green-white, for eco-friendly litter). I could do this, but I’d be so queasy the whole time I’d be crocheting, and I crochet (and knit) to relax and wind down, not amp up the anxiety and “ick” factor. Sorry, BGS, not even for you! (And I don’t know where to buy a squeaker, anyway.)
CALL NOW! AS SEEN ON TV! It’s a squeeky toy! It’s a bloody tampon! It’s a bottle rocket! 3 fabulous gifts in one! Call SIUYC Inc. (shove it up your cunt) today!!!!!!
I heard that from my nephew when I took him out for his 21st birthday. I thought he was making it up until I googled it. Crazy! I also recently heard that gummi bears soaked in vodka are popular with teens. They go in the other end though. Hehe.
You know, until I read your post I thought that the kids carried vodka-soaked tampons as a way to sneak the liquor into school and then suck ‘em dry (they make plastic tampon carriers, so it’s not like pockets and bags would be wet).
Now that I know how the vodka is extracted I’m going to curl up in a ball and weep for humanity.
The dog toy market has been dominated by masculine toys for too long! Down with the bone – we all know what they are really chewing on. Bring on a line of feminist dog toys – the crocheted douche bag and panty liner. Available in salmon and anchovy. Wait, what?
Why, WHY did I have to read about how they make those things? I could have just read the description, but no. I just HAD to keep reading. And I really, REALLY DID NOT NEED the images I have in my head right now.
My dog loves bully sticks. It wasn’t until months later that I realized what they really were. They come in 4′ long pieces. I would never have believed it.
Poor Debbie, poor poor Debbie. She always thought she was a free spirit. Even thou she was a mother of 2, she always thought she had still had a hip cool side to her. So she bought the bloody tampon dog toy as a hipsterish joke. It quickly became Goldie’s, her golden retriever, favorite toy.
However, later that month, at her eldest daughters birthday party, Goldie wanted to play fetch. Unable to reach his favorite toy, Goldie found the nearest, closest alternative. Seventeen, 7 years were traumatized for life. It will go down as the worst birthday party ever.
Holy crap! I have been looking for creative pineapple stuff for a way to one-up my friend who got me hooked on Psych! He gave me a pineapple, so I gave him a pineapple christmas ornament. I want to be ready with something cool so he can never out-pineapple me!
I just looked over her store. Actually, I don’t mind that stuff; there’s a retro goofiness with the dollface potholders and kitchen towels, and anyone who also does bloody tampon squeak toys definitely has a sense of humor. Her retro stuff takes me back to the church bazaars of my youth….
Okay … I have to admit that before I looked at the full post .. going on the “Red Rover” tag and seeing the dog… I thought this was going to be a crocheted red rocket cover …you know a doggie c*ck sock. Then I read the post…*smh*
WOW. You just took a gross thing and seriously upped the game. The only phrase referring to dog peen that is worse than “red rocket” is calling it his “lipstick.”
That fish bag is so cute!
And MFJ is correct about the alcohol soaked tampons used by highschoolers in all seriousness, they get referred to my husband’s addiction medicine clinic. Inventive and deadly
My problem with this is that, after looking through her store, she is actually very skilled, she just makes some horrendously shit items. The doll face pot holder will haunt me forever.
Yeah, ’cause you want to put a pot holder with a doll’s head made of vinyl, which melts like butter when put near a flame, on the stove.
When I saw those pot holders, my first thought was, “Now THAT would make an awesome dog toy. The dog would run around the house with a doll’s head in his mouth, drool dripping down, you’d want to play tug-o-war and you’d get the doll’s head, only to discover the dog had chewed out the back of its head.”
*makes note to make “interesting dog toys” should I even open that Etsy shop*
See, I view those things as being sort of tongue-in-cheek and slightly twisted (in a good way). It’s not for everyone, of course, but I like it. She should really be a Regretsian if she isn’t already.
Once upon a time, many moons ago, my roommate and I discovered that Snerf, the cat we were kittysitting for a friend, was an afficionado of used tampon applicator tubes.
This was discovered when a friend from out of town bent down to pick up whatever it was that Snerf had batted at her, presumably to throw it for Snerf to chase again.
After that, we had a closed-lidded container for lady items.
Months later when I was moving out of the apartment, and Snerf’s owner was helping me clean the kitchen, I pulled out the broiler tray so I could sweep out whatever was hiding under the stove. Whereupon I discovered why we had never noticed Snerf’s favorite playtoys before the whole out-of-town visitor incident.
Bless you for sweeping under there. One house we rented, the prior tenants didn’t, and there was a chewed up frisbee, a dessicated bone, and some horrifying orange sludge in the tray itself. Oh, and also a gnawed upon stick.
thesunshinevalentineballerina
February 9, 2012 at 3:37 pm
I am sorry to say that I have real-life experience with this one. I walked into my bedroom one day to discover my dog Max lounging on my bed and happily chomping on a used tampon like it was chewing gum. It was seriously gross. Now, everyone in my house knows when I’m on my period because the bathroom wastebasket ends up on the counter. I’ve also caught him with bloody tissues after my husband has nicked himself shaving.
Dammit. and a Kees, too. I miss my Kees… lost her about 7 years ago, she was 14. Sweetest dog you could ever know, and I am certain she’d have torn the entrails from anyone who tried to give her this thing as a toy.
February 8, 2012 at 9:32 am
The Bloodhound Gang?
February 8, 2012 at 9:33 am
at that size it only requires one change a month….
February 8, 2012 at 9:43 am
That would definately cause toxic shock syndrome.
February 8, 2012 at 9:50 am
Of *epic* proportions…
February 8, 2012 at 9:33 am
Red rover red rover, send April right over
February 8, 2012 at 10:54 am
I love that “Pet Humiliation” is a new Regretsy category now. I shudder to think, what will be next?
February 8, 2012 at 11:02 pm
February 9, 2012 at 5:11 am
It hurts when I laugh. This picture put me in a great deal of pain. But it was a good pain. I may be developing masochism. Oh yeah, hurt me, hurt me goooooood.
February 8, 2012 at 9:33 am
I think it’d be cool if my tampons squeaked.
February 8, 2012 at 9:37 am
it would be a good way to let your partner know that there will be no nookie tonight. just walk in the room squeaking from your nether regions.
February 8, 2012 at 10:38 am
Just put a towel down!
February 8, 2012 at 11:19 am
Also a great way to test your Kegel strength!
February 8, 2012 at 4:50 pm
Yes! Now I want a squeak-able vagina-toy. I guess I could do a reverse and check out the dog toy section but I;d have to be careful to sterilize.
February 8, 2012 at 5:26 pm
This is why Etsy needs to bring back alchemy.
February 9, 2012 at 10:20 pm
If you were clever with your rubber cup placement, you might manage an unfortunate fart noise.
February 8, 2012 at 3:54 pm
I would have a BAJINGO OF STEEL from all the squeezing I’d be doing!
February 8, 2012 at 5:27 pm
That’s the new Superman movie title, isn’t it?
February 8, 2012 at 8:32 pm
Would Kryptonite be like an STD?
February 9, 2012 at 10:29 am
Superman & The Bajingo of Steel!
Villan names would be awesome! Vaginosis, Mistress Menses, Dr. Yeasty, The Taintmaster, just to name a few.
February 8, 2012 at 9:33 am
Yes, because that’s what you want to encourage your dog to dig out of the bathroom trashcan…
February 8, 2012 at 10:40 am
I had a dog that would, embarrassingly, do just what you’re trying not to think about. She didn’t have any sort of instructive squeaky-toy to train her, either.
February 8, 2012 at 12:36 pm
We had a freaking beagle when I was a teeanger. Heaven forbid you forgot to close the bathroom door because that dog would have a grand old time is strewing and shredding bloody pads and tampons everywhere. Ugh….
February 8, 2012 at 1:04 pm
Yep. It happened to me while visiting relatives. Embarrassing as hell!
February 8, 2012 at 1:30 pm
Better yet is when your boyfriend’s dog eats your tampon and then pukes it back up on the beige carpet…
And we let that bitch sleep in the bed with us!
February 8, 2012 at 5:19 pm
A dog my family had when I was growing up did that once. Only it wasn’t ONE tampon, it was about six. And when my dad got up in the wee hours and saw the regurgitated horror on the floor, he was convinced the dog had murdered a family of white mice.
February 9, 2012 at 7:48 am
Funny story:
A couple years back, my nephew went to take the dog out to do her business. He came back in a few minutes later, grabbed some paper towels and headed back out. When he finally came in, he did NOT look happy. We asked him what happened.
The dog was trying to poop, straining and having a horrid time, he saw she had something stuck in her butthole, so he grabbed the paper towels so he could grab it and pull it out, as she was in such discomfort (kid is way too nice), got ahold of it, pulled it out, and it was a tampon.
For months after that, if someone mentioned something about having a bad day, he’d give us a look of scorn and say “Oh yeah?? Did you pull a tampon out of a dog’s ass? Hmm????”
February 8, 2012 at 1:50 pm
And let’s not forget what would happen to one’s panties if you had a yeast infection and didn’t take them to the dirty laundry right away.
February 8, 2012 at 4:44 pm
So it’s okay to talk about dogs digging bloody tampons out of the trash and not able them getting at our panties?
February 8, 2012 at 4:52 pm
Apparently not, but I can relate. There’s a story in my family of my aunt’s panties all having holes in them after the dog decided they were it’s favorite toy.
February 8, 2012 at 5:22 pm
I could be wrong, but I don’t think it was just dogs getting at our underwear that got you thumbed down. My guess? Two magical, horrible words: Yeast infection.
February 26, 2012 at 12:10 pm
I worked for a vet that used to board animals…we got this little obnoxious toy dog in a crate to board, from a very unlikable woman. we take the bitey-yappy thing out of the crate, and put it’s bedding in it’s boarding cage. we find this “toy” of knotted up cloth. Suspicious, we had to open it up (with sterile instruments), and it was a very large pair of very old looking panties. with some short & curlies still on them. I had nightmares for weeks.
February 8, 2012 at 1:56 pm
LurksMostly, was “teenanger” a mistake or intentional? Either way, what a great term! I think most teens are “teenangers” at heart.
February 8, 2012 at 9:35 pm
We had a poodle that shredded pads.(Sniffle)I don’t feel so alone anymore. Only he’d drag the shredded remains down the hall. And it was inevitably on the days I wasn’t the first one home.
I love my cats. They leave that stuff alone!
February 8, 2012 at 1:39 pm
thats what gave her the idea……
February 8, 2012 at 7:32 pm
My visits from the Crimson Devil are very long and very heavy, to the point that I had to start wearing disposable underwear lined with pads in order to sleep for two-three hours without needing to change the sheets and clean the mattress. (And, yes, FINALLY getting this dealt with. UTERINE ABLATION FTWMF’nW!)
Anyway. I also have ferrets. My sweet little girl, Bowie, turned out to be quite the collector. When I discovered the used products she had been stealing and stashing, I a) contacted the CDC in hopes they would quarantine and burn my apartment to the ground and b) promptly bought a diaper pail for my bathroom. Tall, lidded, and odor-proof: I HAVE TRIUMPHED OVER THE WEASEL.
February 8, 2012 at 8:13 pm
Well done! I have ferrets as well, and TRIUMPHING OVER THE WEASEL is quite the feat.
My little dears have never gone after used products, but I accidentally discovered that tampons fresh in their wrappers are apparently the BEST FERRET TOY EVER,at least according to my first two little girls. The point of the exercise is to separate all the component parts out, shred them, and then disseminate them as widely as possible in keeping with the precepts of Ferret Shui.
February 8, 2012 at 9:34 am
I’m not sure if buying this for your dog would be more or less embarrassing than your dog bringing you an actual tampon out of the bathroom trash.
February 8, 2012 at 1:08 pm
That tampon toy would embarrass my dog.
February 8, 2012 at 9:36 am
I’ve just gone into toxic shock.
February 8, 2012 at 9:36 am
What the hell is this woman thinking?
February 8, 2012 at 10:30 am
Hmmm. Maybe ‘what do I have to do to get a mention on Regretsy?’
February 8, 2012 at 10:54 am
Objection. Assumes facts not in evidence.
February 8, 2012 at 5:54 pm
Probably the same thing all the Etsy sellers offering similar cat toys are thinking.
February 8, 2012 at 9:36 am
Why are the most moronic items (almost) always crocheted? Goddamit, as a crocheter, I am offended!
February 8, 2012 at 11:06 am
I wonder that too. It seems like there is a ratio of 50:1 when it comes to knitting patterns vs. crocheting, but none of them look anything like this.
February 8, 2012 at 11:07 am
Maybe it’s because our artistic method allows for more free-form composition?
Or in this case, we can call it “decomposition”?
February 8, 2012 at 11:46 am
I don’t know either, I’ve burnt out a few brain cells in my attempt to suss out the reasons. At this point I’m just muttering obscenities, shaking my fist and making rude gestures in the general direction of the person who made that abhorrence.
And her gauge is off too!
BITCH!!!
February 8, 2012 at 9:36 am
It’s just enormous! All I can think about is toxic shock syndrome >__>
February 8, 2012 at 1:11 pm
I wonder if Michelle Duggar needs one that big.
February 8, 2012 at 1:32 pm
February 8, 2012 at 1:42 pm
Sorry, but the editor in me can’t resist, considering the context:
VAGINA
It’s not a clown car?
February 8, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Well, not supposed to be a clown car.
March 15, 2012 at 7:13 pm
She’s had 5 (I think) since then, and has two grandkids. Looks like the next generation is keeping up the traditions of popping them out.
February 8, 2012 at 8:17 pm
I bet Michelle Duggar just shoves a whole roll of Brawny paper towels up there when it is that time of the month.
February 8, 2012 at 8:21 pm
Heck no. In order to have a period, you need to spend some time not being pregnant.
February 8, 2012 at 9:36 am
Kong and Diva Cup need to pair up to make a dog toy that I can fill with ketchup for that extra realistic feel.
February 8, 2012 at 12:10 pm
It’s very, very hard to gross me out. Well done, KatP!
February 8, 2012 at 12:39 pm
And I’m done eating my late lunch. I was hungry, too…. Curse you, Kat! :p
February 9, 2012 at 11:02 pm
I hate you, KatP. I thumbed you up for getting me to heave when I thought I was virtually unheavable, but I still hate you.
Let’s go get smashed. Killer’s tab.
February 8, 2012 at 9:38 am
*says with grimace on face* if you think that’s great, you can order the gag gift one…oh yay…I have many friends I’d love to give a pretend bloody tampon to…
February 8, 2012 at 5:14 pm
I was actually just wishing I could afford to order the gag one.
No, really. My family has a…I guess you could call it a tradition(?) where we try to gross my husband out by leaving disgusting-looking things (such as, say, a printout of Tub Girl) where he will come across them when he’s least expecting it. The gag gift size bloody tampon would be SO perfect. I can already see his reaction. BEAUTIFUL.
Yes, yes, I ALREADY KNOW there’s something deeply wrong with me and mine. Please, there’s no need to rub it it.
March 10, 2012 at 5:11 pm
Oh no- I just had to look up Tub Girl. Whyyyyy???
February 8, 2012 at 9:39 am
If I hadn’t read any of the text and just looked at it, I would think it was a badly crocheted (uneven color work) ’50s comic book space rocket (with a hanging fuse to be lit).
That’s my imagination and I’m sticking with it.
February 8, 2012 at 9:44 am
That’s awesome, from now on out I am calling tampons space rockets.
February 8, 2012 at 9:47 am
Gives new meaning to the term “crotch rocket”.
February 8, 2012 at 9:46 am
Because we all know if you put it away when company is coming, it will reappear in the most embarrassing way possible. Like when the dog brings it to your dad to play fetch.
February 8, 2012 at 9:47 am
Now thats class!
February 8, 2012 at 9:47 am
I prefer the this bloody tampon kitty toy: http://www.etsy.com/listing/62749163/cat-toy-tampon-catnip-weird-pet-toys . The etsy seller also makes catnip-filled penises, dynamite, light sabers, fetuses, and so much more! I will definitely be purchasing from her at some point. <3
February 8, 2012 at 10:49 am
Much more realistic, and somehow cuter when smaller…
There is some great stuff there!
February 11, 2012 at 5:37 pm
I know! I think my kitties need the dynamite and nunchucks… maybe a zombie finger or eyeball too
February 8, 2012 at 10:56 am
I rather like the fetus. Wish I knew some right-to-lifer who has a cat…
February 8, 2012 at 1:34 pm
I think I’ll buy a gross to hang on all the crosses one of the local churches puts up during “right to life” month every year.
With my luck everyone will just say “KEWT!” though.
February 8, 2012 at 1:44 pm
In that case, you need to install a video camera, because a photo wouldn’t capture the full effect.
February 10, 2012 at 10:02 pm
Seems to be a popular theme…
http://www.etsy.com/search/handmade?search_submit=&q=fetus+cat&view_type=list&ship_to=US
February 8, 2012 at 11:28 am
Those are just… splendiforous! Thank god I can’t actually afford to spend money on such frivolities, and therefore my pet’s dignity remains intact. (for now)
February 8, 2012 at 3:40 pm
I’d totally buy the boob ones for my sister’s cat.
February 14, 2012 at 10:40 pm
That’s one of my good friend’s shop, she’s awesome. Check out her other shop http://handmademonster.etsy.com if you haven’t already for more awesome stuff (including a Yoda ears hat for dogs).
February 8, 2012 at 9:49 am
My cat Buddy loves to chew on a wrapped new tampon. It’s his favorite toy. He prefers the the Tampax Pearl wrapped tampons to the Playtex wrapped tampons.
February 8, 2012 at 8:31 pm
I have a cat named Buddy also… he likes AAA batteries.
February 8, 2012 at 9:49 am
This has to be merely one of the products in the Crocheted Canine Crudities Collection. Next up, giant crocheted cat shit (with kitty-litter beading), life-sized crocheted decomposing squirrel, and the piece de resistance, crocheted used diaper.
Although I have to warn her, dogs aren’t impressed by replicas. So she’ll have to get the smells right if she expects this to take off.
February 8, 2012 at 3:09 pm
So she’ll have to get the smells right if she expects this to take off.
Oooh! I’m sensing an opportunity for a new fragrance… “Vulva: Code Red”?
February 8, 2012 at 9:50 am
Did they crochet cat poop too? That’s another dog favorite. Our vet used to call them “Kitty hot dogs”. I didn’t eat hot dogs for the longest time after that.
February 8, 2012 at 10:35 am
Around here we call them “kitty truffles.” It’s ok, I can’t afford to eat real truffles anyway (the fungus kind not the chocolate kind).
February 8, 2012 at 8:18 pm
We call them Almond Rochas at my house.
February 8, 2012 at 9:50 am
Somewhere in there, there’s a Team Jacob/Team Edward joke, but I haven’t had enough coffee yet to think of it.
February 8, 2012 at 9:54 am
Oh good. Now all we need is a cat litter covered cat turd squeaky toy for dogs.
February 8, 2012 at 10:44 am
*tapping paws and waiting*
February 8, 2012 at 11:17 am
If I could crochet…I would totally make this.
February 8, 2012 at 11:54 am
I crochet. I have dark brown yarn. And for the litter, some white yarn and tan yarn (perhaps a green-white, for eco-friendly litter). I could do this, but I’d be so queasy the whole time I’d be crocheting, and I crochet (and knit) to relax and wind down, not amp up the anxiety and “ick” factor. Sorry, BGS, not even for you!
(And I don’t know where to buy a squeaker, anyway.)
February 8, 2012 at 2:19 pm
http://www.petsmart.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2750596
http://www.sitstay.com/dog/supplies/servlet/CategoryDisplay?catalogId=10001&storeId=10001&categoryId=13332&langId=-1&parent_category_rn=13251&top_category=
http://www.amazon.com/Replacement-dog-toy-squeakers/lm/RU3II9XRXNNM1
http://www.amazon.com/KONG-Squeaker-Refill-Small-Pack/dp/B000E91NUS
February 8, 2012 at 3:31 pm
Is o k…i found a way into the back room and steal cat shit all the time without me bitch maid knowing. our secret.
February 8, 2012 at 9:58 am
CALL NOW! AS SEEN ON TV! It’s a squeeky toy! It’s a bloody tampon! It’s a bottle rocket! 3 fabulous gifts in one! Call SIUYC Inc. (shove it up your cunt) today!!!!!!
February 8, 2012 at 10:46 am
From the offices of SIUYC Inc., Flushing Meadow, NY 11351
February 8, 2012 at 12:40 pm
The factory is in Intercourse, PA.
February 8, 2012 at 10:02 am
Related fail:
February 8, 2012 at 10:08 am
Oh please God, let that be photoshopped. Spongebob shoved up my teen’s cooter… my mind recoils in horror. HORROR
February 8, 2012 at 5:57 pm
I Know it’s wrong, but I would buy these.
February 9, 2012 at 9:05 am
So would I. In a heartbeat.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your frame of mind), this appears to be a fake.
February 8, 2012 at 10:08 am
this isnt really a thing, is it? IS IT???
Where’s my vodka?
February 8, 2012 at 10:42 am
On that note, apparently vodka-soaked tampons are actually causing problems in some high schools (the users being of both genders).
February 8, 2012 at 12:14 pm
I heard that from my nephew when I took him out for his 21st birthday. I thought he was making it up until I googled it. Crazy! I also recently heard that gummi bears soaked in vodka are popular with teens. They go in the other end though. Hehe.
February 8, 2012 at 1:46 pm
You know, until I read your post I thought that the kids carried vodka-soaked tampons as a way to sneak the liquor into school and then suck ‘em dry (they make plastic tampon carriers, so it’s not like pockets and bags would be wet).
Now that I know how the vodka is extracted I’m going to curl up in a ball and weep for humanity.
February 8, 2012 at 6:53 pm
Gummy bears soaked in rum = best/tastiest way to sneak booze onto a plane.
February 8, 2012 at 10:47 am
Well he *does* live in bikini bottom.
…and works at the crusty crab…
::headdesk::
February 8, 2012 at 10:34 am
That gives a disturbing new meaning to “sponge-worthy.”
February 8, 2012 at 10:03 am
Tamp-on! Tamp-off! The Tamper!
February 8, 2012 at 10:08 am
I hate people.
February 8, 2012 at 10:09 am
Does the Keeshond come with it??
February 8, 2012 at 1:47 pm
I have a feeling he’d beg you to release him from his imprisonment with crazy crochet lady.
February 8, 2012 at 10:18 am
I smell a partnership deal with the makes of Vulva perfume in the works!
February 8, 2012 at 10:20 am
The dog toy market has been dominated by masculine toys for too long! Down with the bone – we all know what they are really chewing on. Bring on a line of feminist dog toys – the crocheted douche bag and panty liner. Available in salmon and anchovy. Wait, what?
February 8, 2012 at 2:16 pm
Who needs a bone? They already make chew toys out of real bull’s penis.
http://www.bullysticks4dogs.com/
February 8, 2012 at 10:52 pm
Why, WHY did I have to read about how they make those things? I could have just read the description, but no. I just HAD to keep reading. And I really, REALLY DID NOT NEED the images I have in my head right now.
I may never eat again.
March 10, 2012 at 5:15 pm
My dog loves bully sticks. It wasn’t until months later that I realized what they really were. They come in 4′ long pieces. I would never have believed it.
February 8, 2012 at 10:23 am
Poor Debbie, poor poor Debbie. She always thought she was a free spirit. Even thou she was a mother of 2, she always thought she had still had a hip cool side to her. So she bought the bloody tampon dog toy as a hipsterish joke. It quickly became Goldie’s, her golden retriever, favorite toy.
However, later that month, at her eldest daughters birthday party, Goldie wanted to play fetch. Unable to reach his favorite toy, Goldie found the nearest, closest alternative. Seventeen, 7 years were traumatized for life. It will go down as the worst birthday party ever.
February 8, 2012 at 10:27 am
So, where are the used condom cat toys?
February 8, 2012 at 10:40 am
In the wastebasket?
February 8, 2012 at 10:41 am
“….And next, down the parade route, comes the Etsy Menstruation Corps, doing their exquisitely choreographed routines!”
Squeaksqueak…squeakSQUEAKsqueak…squeaksqueaksqueaksqueak…SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKsqueeeeeeeeeeeak!
“Wow! Wasn’t that amazing! Join us after these messages for more of the Annual Parade of Fuckery!”
February 8, 2012 at 10:44 am
I am grateful all tampons do not squeek. It would drive the dog crazy.
February 8, 2012 at 10:54 am
Is it so wrong that I really like this seller? She has some awesome stuff, reasonable prices, and obviously a slightly twisted sense of humor.
I love her rag rugs, but this is probably my favorite thing in her shop:
Clown Fish Bag Drawstring Tote – $25
February 8, 2012 at 10:59 am
Oooh, wait a sec. There’s also this:
Pineapple Pot Holder
FOUR DOLLARS? Four dollars and FREE SHIPPING? This is soooooo mine.
Perfect gift for a Psych fan (i.e., me).
February 8, 2012 at 11:04 am
I favorited this one before you posted it. I’m a crocheter and I find it a clever way to achieve pineappleness.
February 8, 2012 at 11:33 am
Very pineappley, also cheerful in a hard-to-put-your-finger-on kind of way.
February 8, 2012 at 11:27 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 8, 2012 at 11:39 am
Do you find yourself watching other TV shows and shouting, “THERE’S A PINEAPPLE!”
February 8, 2012 at 12:29 pm
YES!
My boyfriend and I do the same thing in real life too.
February 8, 2012 at 12:17 pm
Holy crap! I have been looking for creative pineapple stuff for a way to one-up my friend who got me hooked on Psych! He gave me a pineapple, so I gave him a pineapple christmas ornament. I want to be ready with something cool so he can never out-pineapple me!
February 8, 2012 at 12:32 pm
This is what my boyfriend got me for my birthday last year:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/56238193/pure-beeswax-large-shaped-pineapple?ga_search_query=pineapple&ga_search_type=user_shop_ttt_id_5413909
BTW, this is one of my favorite Etsy shops – gorgeous candles that smell sooooooo good, and a super nice seller.
February 8, 2012 at 4:56 pm
Damnit. Now I want to eat some pineapple.
Fucking food cravings.
February 8, 2012 at 7:35 pm
FYI, she’s got another pineapple up now in case anyone else wants one!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/92549383/pineapple-pot-holder-hot-pad
February 8, 2012 at 11:12 am
Nice find! That’s pretty and funny.
February 8, 2012 at 12:31 pm
I just looked over her store. Actually, I don’t mind that stuff; there’s a retro goofiness with the dollface potholders and kitchen towels, and anyone who also does bloody tampon squeak toys definitely has a sense of humor. Her retro stuff takes me back to the church bazaars of my youth….
February 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm
I’m in love with the rag rugs. Though I don’t have the money to spare and no place to put them. But they remind me of my childhood.
February 8, 2012 at 4:12 pm
I liked some of the rag rugs myself…
But these things are scary as shit…if I found one at my grandma’s house, I would have to burn it.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/74584686/doll-face-pot-holder-yellow-and-white
February 8, 2012 at 9:37 pm
I need this thing. Except as a hat.
February 9, 2012 at 9:08 am
Which thing did you mean? Because if it was the clown fish bag, I’m right there with you; that thing would make an AMAZEBALLS hat.
On the other hand, if you were talking about the creepy doll’s head thing…
*backs away slowly*
February 10, 2012 at 10:11 pm
Aw… I thought it WAS a hat…
It would look like a tropical fish was eating your head. And it would be the greatest thing ever.
WHY AREN’T YOU A HAT!?!
February 8, 2012 at 11:23 am
Okay … I have to admit that before I looked at the full post .. going on the “Red Rover” tag and seeing the dog… I thought this was going to be a crocheted red rocket cover …you know a doggie c*ck sock. Then I read the post…*smh*
February 8, 2012 at 1:38 pm
WOW. You just took a gross thing and seriously upped the game. The only phrase referring to dog peen that is worse than “red rocket” is calling it his “lipstick.”
February 8, 2012 at 1:49 pm
No, lipstick is what’s left on there by an inconsiderate bitch.
February 8, 2012 at 2:28 pm
The analogy is not without merit though:
February 9, 2012 at 9:10 am
I think that’s actually why it’s so gross. Because it’s a VERY apt analogy. Maybe even a little too much so.
February 8, 2012 at 11:27 am
That fish bag is so cute!
And MFJ is correct about the alcohol soaked tampons used by highschoolers in all seriousness, they get referred to my husband’s addiction medicine clinic. Inventive and deadly
February 10, 2012 at 10:14 pm
Huh, I read it was fake. But you’ve heard of definite cases?
http://www.snopes.com/risque/kinky/vodka.asp
February 23, 2012 at 3:51 am
Perhaps it was fake,until the News started freaking out about it, and that ended up giving some kids the idea?
February 8, 2012 at 11:45 am
My problem with this is that, after looking through her store, she is actually very skilled, she just makes some horrendously shit items. The doll face pot holder will haunt me forever.
WHY MUST PEOPLE USE TALENT FOR EVIL?
February 8, 2012 at 11:59 am
Yeah, ’cause you want to put a pot holder with a doll’s head made of vinyl, which melts like butter when put near a flame, on the stove.
When I saw those pot holders, my first thought was, “Now THAT would make an awesome dog toy. The dog would run around the house with a doll’s head in his mouth, drool dripping down, you’d want to play tug-o-war and you’d get the doll’s head, only to discover the dog had chewed out the back of its head.”
*makes note to make “interesting dog toys” should I even open that Etsy shop*
February 8, 2012 at 12:35 pm
See, I view those things as being sort of tongue-in-cheek and slightly twisted (in a good way). It’s not for everyone, of course, but I like it. She should really be a Regretsian if she isn’t already.
February 8, 2012 at 12:19 pm
I love my dog way too much to buy her that. It borders on animal cruelty! (insert McLachlan song here)
February 8, 2012 at 12:28 pm
Once upon a time, many moons ago, my roommate and I discovered that Snerf, the cat we were kittysitting for a friend, was an afficionado of used tampon applicator tubes.
This was discovered when a friend from out of town bent down to pick up whatever it was that Snerf had batted at her, presumably to throw it for Snerf to chase again.
After that, we had a closed-lidded container for lady items.
Months later when I was moving out of the apartment, and Snerf’s owner was helping me clean the kitchen, I pulled out the broiler tray so I could sweep out whatever was hiding under the stove. Whereupon I discovered why we had never noticed Snerf’s favorite playtoys before the whole out-of-town visitor incident.
February 8, 2012 at 4:59 pm
Bless you for sweeping under there. One house we rented, the prior tenants didn’t, and there was a chewed up frisbee, a dessicated bone, and some horrifying orange sludge in the tray itself. Oh, and also a gnawed upon stick.
February 8, 2012 at 1:42 pm
Who the hell crochets dog toys?! My dog would tear that shit apart in less than a minute.
February 8, 2012 at 8:48 pm
Why would you name your dog after me? I’ve already had a blow-up doll named after me.
Or is it named after the Prince song? That dog must be a SEX FIEND.
February 9, 2012 at 11:12 pm
^ That was me under the influence of anaesthetics, by the way…
February 9, 2012 at 3:48 am
What happened in this person life that made them think a tampon would make a good subject for a dog toy?
February 9, 2012 at 3:37 pm
I am sorry to say that I have real-life experience with this one. I walked into my bedroom one day to discover my dog Max lounging on my bed and happily chomping on a used tampon like it was chewing gum. It was seriously gross. Now, everyone in my house knows when I’m on my period because the bathroom wastebasket ends up on the counter. I’ve also caught him with bloody tissues after my husband has nicked himself shaving.
February 9, 2012 at 10:26 pm
All I saw was “modeled by my very own” and then I didn’t wait to find the last two words on the next line before my face was all D8
February 9, 2012 at 10:58 pm
oh FOR FUCK’S SAKE. LEAVE THE DOGS OUT OF IT!
Dammit. and a Kees, too. I miss my Kees… lost her about 7 years ago, she was 14. Sweetest dog you could ever know, and I am certain she’d have torn the entrails from anyone who tried to give her this thing as a toy.
February 10, 2012 at 10:18 pm
I love that in none of the pictures with the dog on the original Etsy page is the dog willing to hold the toy.