FROM THE MAILBAG
From: Apocalypse Vintage
Subject: Response
Date: February 8, 2012 1:31:42 PM PST
To: Helen@regretsy.comHello there,
I just found out that you covered a photo/piece from our shop in September.
That was actually a totally professional photo shoot with professional models, photographer, hair sylists, makeup artist and photographer. Spent an incredible amount of money to make happen. It’s definitely very “on the edge” and I’m sure there’s going to be plenty of people that don’t like it, but there are a lot of people who find it totally breathtaking.
I attached a couple more photos from the shoot. Our website is down at the moment but once it’s back up I can refer you to the full sets from that and our other shoot, of which I’m also attaching a photo.
I thought that what you wrote was totally rude and that your taste is obviously very limited.
Alix
Apocalypse Vintage
Dear Alix,
Let me offer my sincerest apologies to you.
I had no idea you spent money on that photo shoot.
Totally yours,
Helen
February 8, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Totally butthurt.
February 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm
Totally.
February 8, 2012 at 7:48 pm
To the max.
February 8, 2012 at 3:58 pm
Like you are like so like totally not like hip and with it! Like gag me with a spoon and junk!
February 9, 2012 at 12:18 am
I can totally see the models penis in the second picture!!~!
February 9, 2012 at 8:23 am
There’s no such thing as bad publicity. Just ask Rebecca Black.
February 8, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Response win. Ass is currently busy being laughed off
February 8, 2012 at 2:48 pm
Yeah, the two fake pics you put up in retaliation were hilarious!
February 8, 2012 at 2:20 pm
It must be hard to find out via Regretsy that just because you paid for something, doesn’t mean it’s any good.
Loud patterned bike shorts with a weenie-poke never made me feel so sad before.
February 8, 2012 at 2:25 pm
I was thinking the same thing. Colorful bike shorts should be happy, not oppressed like a sad sad clown that is about to be euthanized.
February 8, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Perhaps, but long gone are the days when brightly patterned short-pants that highlight every detail of your penor are seen as a symbol of elitism and success.
Colorful bike shorts were the Rolex of their day. Now? They’re like Members Only jackets for your dick.
February 8, 2012 at 2:38 pm
You are right about them being not so popular nowadays, but there should be a law about the people that still wear them. The law should be something like this:
“The wearer of brightly colored, tight bicycle shorts shall never appear to be depressed in public and must have a sense of humor. The wearer shall always be happy and motivated to smile at all times and never appear to be suicidal. The wearer must be as Spandy Andy-ish as possible or appear to attempt to be like this awesome person while wearing the bike shorts.”
February 8, 2012 at 3:59 pm
I’d go one step further and say that the law should read “No one, except Spandy Andy, is allowed to wear Spandex or Spandex-like material. Ever.”
February 8, 2012 at 4:32 pm
Fluffy, you took the words right out of my mouth (and I totally have garlic breath right now). Anyone with brightly colored spandex anything should give it up and send it all to Spandy Andy because he, of course, rules the world. Right after April.
February 8, 2012 at 6:48 pm
i third what Fluffy said!
If you ain’t Andy, don’t be Spandy.
February 8, 2012 at 10:17 pm
“If you ain’t Andy, don’t be Spandy”
I smell a sampler!
February 8, 2012 at 2:34 pm
They told the model to look happy. Unfortunately, all he could think at that moment was “I am never getting into Vogue”
February 8, 2012 at 3:37 pm
A drag queen hairdresser and my awesome self are both convinced that’s a girl. No adam’s apple, girl hair, and girl eyelashes. Plus, we see no peen. Just mons.
February 8, 2012 at 4:26 pm
^^^this.
February 8, 2012 at 7:07 pm
It’s either a really femme guy, or a girl with one HELL of a chin and jawline.
February 8, 2012 at 8:59 pm
Well, I for one thing Tilda Swinton is awesome, and somebody’s got to pick up that baton sometime.
February 9, 2012 at 10:49 am
Could be – I was going with the gender others were using by default.
Either way – not getting into Vogue.
February 10, 2012 at 4:37 am
Awww, man, they spent so much money and have so much taste and all they get are a bunch of fat jealous losers arguing about their gender. As if it matters, squares.
And I vote guy. Unless she ironically stuffed those biker shorts.
February 11, 2012 at 10:09 pm
See, I was getting girl too and the “Peen” shadow COULD possibly be contributed to the pattern and the shadow from the light. I’ve seen girls with jawlines that distinct. I vote girl.
February 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm
Quick! Go watch Spandy Andy! His loud patterned spandex is gleeful and not…whatever this is.
February 8, 2012 at 2:31 pm
Spandy Andy is the man.
February 8, 2012 at 2:32 pm
I “totally” thought that was a girl before you said weenie-poke.
February 8, 2012 at 3:03 pm
i did too!
February 8, 2012 at 2:37 pm
I have a widescreen monitor, so I could see his head before I could see his junk. My reaction was more along the lines of, “Holy crap, that’s a guy?”
February 8, 2012 at 2:49 pm
^ this. Was exactly my reaction too.
February 8, 2012 at 7:46 pm
I had to scroll back up and down several time. I’m still not sure..
February 9, 2012 at 3:28 pm
Awesome hair, though. You gotta give him/her that.
February 9, 2012 at 11:03 am
Maybe this gorgeous combo from Apocalypse Vintage will cheer you? Feel the burn!
(Personally, I think the bike shorts androgyne is a dude wearing makeup with a weirdly lit chin.)
February 9, 2012 at 10:22 pm
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February 8, 2012 at 2:20 pm
Yeah, it’s certainly “on the edge.”
On the edge of a cliff, about to throw itself off.
February 8, 2012 at 2:20 pm
Totally, like, fer shurrr
February 8, 2012 at 2:23 pm
I came here to type this. Now I am a jealous loser.
February 8, 2012 at 2:58 pm
It’s OK, I don’t mind sharing
February 9, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Come on, you’re fat too, aren’t you? You can tell us.
February 8, 2012 at 3:58 pm
I would add, “Gag me with a spoon,” as well.
February 8, 2012 at 10:20 pm
Totally Radical!
February 9, 2012 at 6:19 am
Gag me with a spandex-wrapped weenie.
February 8, 2012 at 6:49 pm
Gag me with a Ginsu!
February 8, 2012 at 2:20 pm
Not too bad, 5 months later the butthurt became too much to bear.
February 8, 2012 at 2:22 pm
It’s as if you planted a hemorrhoid seed and it finally sprouted into existence. Beautiful really.
February 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm
A seed of discontent has been planted and the tree has grown out her butt…leading to the butthurt.
February 8, 2012 at 2:51 pm
That should be on a sampler.
February 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm
None of these keep me from pining for a wasted youth in the ’80′s. Ah, to be thin and taste-free.
February 8, 2012 at 2:34 pm
This might keep me from pining for the 80′s:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/63266916/ideal-slouch-cardigan
But mostly because it’s going to give me nightmares of Werewolf Bill Cosby with a septum piercing and a table saw.
February 8, 2012 at 2:52 pm
The link said “slouch”. I thought that referred to the cardigan, not the model.
February 8, 2012 at 3:36 pm
It’s OK, I don’t recall anyone wearing rusty tools as jewelry in the 80s. Or lensless nerd glasses.
February 8, 2012 at 3:52 pm
I’m pretty sure that they had stopped making quaaludes by the ’80′s. So, why is she like that?
February 8, 2012 at 4:39 pm
It’s a Cosby Sweater, a COSBY SWEATER!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLkWODqzGK0
February 8, 2012 at 9:02 pm
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, nooo!
February 8, 2012 at 3:51 pm
Oh yeah, I always find myself pining over the 80′s, then I stuff my face with Cheetos to drown my FJL sorrows. Tis gone, never to return. sad smiley face.
February 8, 2012 at 8:53 pm
Like all the American beer back then!
February 8, 2012 at 9:11 pm
Have a Bartles & Jaymes and Relax.
February 9, 2012 at 5:47 am
I was pregnant in 1980 and 1982, and I totally rocked the colorblock Spandex look at nine months.
February 9, 2012 at 5:10 pm
Mom?
February 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm
I’m not sure why but all that’s crossing my mind is that the second picture has a rather disappointing package in it.
February 8, 2012 at 2:23 pm
It’s either a huge camel toe or a tiny, tiny peen.
February 8, 2012 at 2:23 pm
I bet you feel like a Puralator Courier employee right now, with that depressing and disappointing package.
February 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm
What I find breathtaking is that someone thought to include jorts AND bike shorts… and yet, nobody wearing them appears to be suffering emotional turmoil.
February 8, 2012 at 2:22 pm
SOME HURTS ARE ON THE INSIDE
February 8, 2012 at 2:31 pm
John Cena wears jorts unapologetically AND he manages to rise above hate.
February 8, 2012 at 2:40 pm
More words of wisdom from this thread and John Cena.
Rise about the hate! I feel like writing a song and inspiring all the young people out there to be cool like us.
February 8, 2012 at 9:46 pm
Hey there, missie, speak for yourself. I never said I was cool! I am unapologetically UNcool.
February 8, 2012 at 4:25 pm
No apologies! And he goes antiquing.
February 8, 2012 at 5:19 pm
That’s Stone Cold.
February 8, 2012 at 6:59 pm
Pearl — I’m not sure if you mean giving The Rock a stunner is a Stone Cold thing to do, or if you thought I had Steve mixed up with John. (Blasphemy!)
February 9, 2012 at 12:28 am
And he’s down with Daniel Tosh too.
February 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm
and “on the edge” makes sense…if you’re referring to poor taste, or sanity
February 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 8, 2012 at 2:25 pm
HORROR?! What are you smoking? Davide Bowie in Labyrinth is awesome and I’ll take those kind of flashbacks any day! ;D
February 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm
And yes, Davide is his Spanish name.
Okay it isn’t, I fucked up my spelling.
February 8, 2012 at 2:30 pm
No kidding. And let’s just go ahead and say it – Bowie’s package is WAY more impressive. Like, SO MUCH MORE.
February 8, 2012 at 2:42 pm
I want to have more thumbs for this comment.
February 8, 2012 at 4:03 pm
I’d go underground with him:)
February 8, 2012 at 5:03 pm
David Bowie’s package has its own website! http://id34111.securedata.net/areaology/area.html
February 8, 2012 at 7:11 pm
and of course YOU know this XD
gigglefits
February 8, 2012 at 9:03 pm
That was worth a laugh tonight, thanks
February 10, 2012 at 6:15 am
AND a Facebook page!!! http://www.facebook.com/pages/David-Bowies-Crotch/198960761441
February 8, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Totally!
February 8, 2012 at 2:42 pm
The Goblin King made me gay. No, I’m serious. This makes me a little less gay, though.
February 8, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Just gonna leave this here:
February 8, 2012 at 4:22 pm
As big as Hoggle’s nose, it was
February 8, 2012 at 5:33 pm
I hear that in a Cockney accent
February 9, 2012 at 4:43 am
of course! I typed it in a cockney accent!
Though, admittedly, I should have typed ‘oggle’s
February 9, 2012 at 4:46 pm
It’s horror if you were about 5 or 6 when you saw the movie…yet somehow it was still one of my favorites growing up.
February 8, 2012 at 2:30 pm
I think what you meant to say was “that second picture gave me flashbacks of David Bowie from Labyrinth…oh the loin-stirring joy….” No need to thank me.
February 8, 2012 at 2:33 pm
My loins began to stir with joy, but then I saw your screen name and now my loins are very confused.
February 8, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Loin confusion is a very serious thing indeed.
February 8, 2012 at 3:14 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 8, 2012 at 3:37 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 8, 2012 at 4:11 pm
You are entitled to your personal opinions.
Even when they are UTTERLY DISGUSTING and wrong.
February 8, 2012 at 4:23 pm
Everyone knows you’re supposed to hate Jennifer Connelly’s whiny ass in that movie.
February 9, 2012 at 4:44 am
I only hated her inability to act…otherwise, I was in total lust…
…especially now!
February 9, 2012 at 9:21 am
I hated her less when I realized “You turned down DAVID BOWIE … oh wait, MORE FOR ME!”
February 9, 2012 at 5:57 am
Ms. Winchell, could you please add to the FAQ that David Bowie’s package, as shown in “Labyrinth,” is an Official Regretsy Icon (ORI), and is not to be disparaged?
Thank you.
February 11, 2012 at 10:13 pm
Wow, you just TOTALLY lost some respect from the other FJL now, didn’t you?
February 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm
While I do think (and thought) the pictures in and of themselves are kinda cool, the clothing which is the focal point is… well. I’ll defer to Thumper’s recitations in Bambi.
I also think someone’s vocabulary is obviously limited.
And I would like to know in what universe a ruffled shirt, blazer, and 80s/90s hideous spandex biking shorts is a winning combination.
February 8, 2012 at 2:22 pm
She’s just now catching on to this? BTW, your paragraph describing the pictures in the original post was brilliant. It totally captures that time period that I think most of us went through in our teens and twenties. “You need pictures.” Brilliant!
February 8, 2012 at 5:34 pm
I think that post and the comments beneath were one of the higher points of that entire year for me. And not because of any substances I may or may not have ingested.
February 8, 2012 at 2:23 pm
Just when I thought this day was a loss…a Picasso print package! I think it’s totally full of win now!
February 8, 2012 at 2:23 pm
“What do you mean you want your money back, Alix? You were featured on Regretsy! Wasn’t that the whole purpose of the shoot?”
February 8, 2012 at 2:23 pm
Getting totally upset over totally anonymous internet snark and totally impugning the taste of the critic is totally the response of a spoiled fashion school drop-out.
If you want to make it, you need to get used to this shit. Build up that thick skin, especially when you’re trying to sell ugly 80′s style fashion.
That shit was last ‘on-the-edge’ and ‘breathtaking’ when my mother was squeezing me out in hospital.
I can go on, but I don’t think you want me to.
February 8, 2012 at 2:27 pm
See and I was totally thinking that she totally didn’t understand that the additional pictures would totally not change anybody’s mind about her totally professional photography skills.
February 8, 2012 at 2:32 pm
They totally changed my mind about her totally avant-garde and modern fashions sense. Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
February 8, 2012 at 2:50 pm
Your Totally Total is totally 27 in total.
February 8, 2012 at 3:01 pm
Totally
February 9, 2012 at 10:40 am
I actually almost felt sorry for the poor thing when I saw that she sent in MORE pictures, and that thought it would perhaps make us realize our grave error in judgement about the photoshoot…
If that’s not leading the proverbial lamb to the slaughter I don’t know what is.
February 8, 2012 at 2:49 pm
This shoot was obviously conceptualized by someone who totally did not come of age in the 80′s and has a totally mediated vision of how it was.
Trust me, I wore some weird-ass shit of questionable taste back then, but I never had a hankering to channel Malcolm McDowell in Clockwork Orange nor did my eyeshadow ever stray from my lid (even if it was black and white checks done in grease paint which it frequently was).
And even with all the weird shit I did wear, I *never* wore bike shorts. I did draw the line somewhere!
The stylist on this shoot has stared at one too many Nagel paintings.
February 8, 2012 at 5:09 pm
I wish I could upvote your post a gajillion times.
Bike shorts really did not come into fashion until the MC Hammer years. Bicyclists and painters hats however were in fashion.
Those outfits are like grody to the max. Like…you know?
February 8, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Ok, I’ll admit it – my eyeshadow sometimes trailed clear across the bridge of my nose and/or my eyebrow tweeny spot but bicycle shorts? Never. Have you noticed all the most hideola 80′s styles are the ones back ‘in’ now? Acid wash jeans, hot pink and yellow shit, and slutty whore-tops. My young ‘uns think this is authentic cool caca. I reminisce about the dirty tramps who wore those things. Bitchin’
February 8, 2012 at 6:10 pm
I resembled that remark.
February 8, 2012 at 9:18 pm
Given that I was ages 0 through 9 in the eighties, I wore a lot of giant sweaters and tee shirts (you know, the ones that came down to your knees) with glittery neon tee shirt clips, accessorized with tights and a sideways ponytail.
February 9, 2012 at 10:30 pm
I had zebra print leggings in 3rd grade (1988-89). Add to that a white shirt with yellow, pink and neon blue squiggles and you know why THAT picture will never see the light of day again.
February 10, 2012 at 4:43 am
Slap bracelets could kill you back then. We were hardcore.
February 11, 2012 at 10:58 am
Yes! You could cut a bitch with those things.
The bitch was usually me, but that doesn’t make it not so.
February 8, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Channeling Clockwork Orange was so seventies, man. I know, I lived through it. I also snuck into the theater to see Clockwork Orange when I was 16 because when it was released it was totally rated X.
February 8, 2012 at 7:21 pm
I was kind of thinking there’s a Boy George on top, Jane Fonda on the bottom thing going on with that outfit. Which strikes me as a historical mixup. Yes, they were both in fashion at the time, but they were different subcultures.
February 9, 2012 at 5:03 am
Boy George on top, Jane Fonda on the bottom? Now there’s a weird image…
February 8, 2012 at 10:17 pm
It was only the “Val” wannabe’s that wore patterned spandex in the ’80′s. All the girls I knew were decked out in ’50′s party dresses and boots with lots o’ buckles. They would have made anyone showing up dressed like this shoot cry black mascara tears.
February 9, 2012 at 4:46 am
Were there any G Val wannabes? I don’t remember any…
February 11, 2012 at 10:21 pm
Okay, confession time: I was heavily into neon, slap bracelets (which now my almost 14 year old daughter has), I ROCKED the side ponytail complete the barrette that had those unblown mini balloons tied in them, AND my favorite outfit in the 5th grade (1988) was my purple Hypercolor t-shirt and black multicolored paint splatter patterned bike shorts. *Phew!* That was good to get off my chest.
Oh, and P.S. I DID have the Jordan Knight t-shirt I rocked often too.
February 9, 2012 at 9:25 am
Seller: Frankie Say Relax, already! It’s all in good fun…
February 8, 2012 at 2:25 pm
paying money for things makes it legit.
February 8, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Oh, so that means the crochet crop top I owned in my teens is no longer a thing of shame?
Wait. It still is. LIAR.
February 8, 2012 at 2:38 pm
I think I can outshame you. In 7th grade, I had a crocheted button down. Like, a dress shirt style, made of crotchet. It was white, and I wore it with white pants and a purple tank top often enough that that’s one of the few outfits I remember from that awful time.
February 8, 2012 at 3:00 pm
The year was 1998. A misguided, nerdy, newly en-braced 13 year old went shopping.
“I know what’ll make the kids at school think I’m cool at the disco and when they see me in town. A RAINBOW CROCHET CROP-TOP. I’ll wear it with those white jeans! That won’t be a horrible mistake!”
February 8, 2012 at 9:29 pm
Same year. And so many braces. God we were both awesome.
February 9, 2012 at 10:44 am
I was 13 that year too, except I opted for an effing Hawaiian shirt instead for the 8th grade social.
February 9, 2012 at 11:00 am
Wow, MABsoota, I was thirteen and wore hawaiian shirts too! And I cut all my hair off and looked like an adorable little bull-dyke (in the best possible sense of the word.)
February 8, 2012 at 3:18 pm
I’m impressed by the crocheted button-down. I had a long tie-front white crocheted vest that I wore over a lavender blouse and purple pants.
(I also had two granny-square vests. I still like granny squares, just don’t wear them.)
February 8, 2012 at 4:28 pm
I have a crocheted full-length sundress that actually looked really good on me so I’m going to say it’s totes legit.
Yup, me in all my Pagan hippie wombyn glory.
February 8, 2012 at 5:30 pm
That’s a beautiful dress!
February 8, 2012 at 5:37 pm
It is a beautiful dress, but you’re wearing way too much underneath it for a REAL Pagan wombyn.
February 8, 2012 at 9:45 pm
Well, do I get points for it being a spandex unitard under there? It’s not rainbow, but it probably should have been.
February 9, 2012 at 6:05 am
I had a full skirt like that; I made it out of a table cloth. I loved that skirt…
I wonder where it is, and if I can still fit into it.
February 8, 2012 at 3:36 pm
Not gonna lie, I would probably wear that. Only not white pants. Maybe a black skirt.
February 9, 2012 at 7:11 am
Hey, I had deep purple CRUSHED VELVET trousers. That was in the ’70s, though. (So they were, of course, flared.)
Also a rather natty purple poncho with white trim that my aunt made for me.
February 8, 2012 at 5:12 pm
For you – yes. It is still a garment of shame.
For a hipster – Nope. They would be considered edgy and cool.
Sorry
February 8, 2012 at 2:38 pm
Like prostitution!
February 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm
NOTHING MAKES THIS LEGIT.
February 8, 2012 at 2:25 pm
Sending more photos totally strengthens your argument.
February 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm
I am sad her name isn’t Jem.
That would have been totally totally rad.
February 8, 2012 at 2:30 pm
No, it would have been truly truly truly OUTRAGEOUS.
February 8, 2012 at 2:33 pm
Aw damn..you’re right. I buggered that one up. Oh well. Someone knew what I was talking about. LOL
February 8, 2012 at 2:53 pm
Beat me to it, I refreshed the page and there your comment was.
Glamor and glitter, fashion and fame!
February 8, 2012 at 4:08 pm
Dude, that should TOTALLY be Etsy’s new motto!
February 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm
Am I the only one staring at the guy’s crotch in the second picture? That is a guy… right? RIGHT?
February 8, 2012 at 2:34 pm
I can’t see an Adam’s Apple…unless it was ‘shopped out.
February 8, 2012 at 3:05 pm
His crotch? I can’t stop staring at his chin.
February 8, 2012 at 3:39 pm
He could have totally been the Mac Tonight moon guy from those 80′s McDonald’s ads.
February 9, 2012 at 11:45 am
Either they got the most bird-jawed woman in existence and put a grape in her pants to hide her girliness, or they found a man with a dingle the size of a kiwi and an Adam’s apple the size of a large pea.
I don’t know which is sadder.
February 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm
Oh my god, I totally had those bike shorts in 1989. Totally!
February 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm
Really? You didn’t scream for a refund?
February 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm
Boy, if they thought what you wrote was “totally rude” they must not spend much time on the internet. You were hardly even mean. Anyone who gets mad at “haha we do some dumb shit when we’re kids, amirite?” is clearly still mentally 19.
February 8, 2012 at 2:34 pm
more likely, literally 19. i can’t imagine that anyone who actually lived through the 80s would want them back.
February 8, 2012 at 3:39 pm
Once, when listening to an 80s power ballad station (it was the only thing we could get, ok?) on a road trip, I asked my mother if the 80s were actually as bad as they seemed. She turned, looked me straight in the eyes and said, in a voice dead with despair
“No. They were worse.”
February 8, 2012 at 4:39 pm
Sorry, I was trying to give you a thumbs up! Your mom is hilarious.
February 8, 2012 at 5:39 pm
Not really. The 80′s were awful.
February 8, 2012 at 5:58 pm
The best humor is found in tragedy Princess Buzzkill.
February 9, 2012 at 7:17 am
In the paper just last week:
“The ’80s were just than the ’60s with more money and better technology.”
February 9, 2012 at 7:18 am
DAMMIT! Let me try that again:
“The ’80s were just the ’60s with more money and better technology.”
February 8, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Especially if you were a teenager in the 80s. Just what you want: to be stuck wearing ugly-ass clothes at the very same time you’re dealing with social anxiety and puberty.
Did anyone look good in that crap?
February 8, 2012 at 5:30 pm
No.
February 8, 2012 at 7:12 pm
and permed hair with big fucking bangs for both men AND women, or Jherri curls that were nasty wet.
I oughta know, I graduated high school in 83
February 8, 2012 at 7:42 pm
Oh good god, the MALL BANGS. Tap and tease!
Probably the main reason why my hair has been straight and flat to my head for the past 18 years.
EDIT: holy shit, the TapTeaser apparently has been brought “back by popular demand”. http://www.tapteaser.com/
February 8, 2012 at 2:35 pm
If she thinks that was totally rude, she’d probably cry when she saw some of the criticism I’ve received… from professionals. Seriously, ‘you simply cannot write shit like this’ being one of the mildest.
And places like 4chan would make her dissolve into a smear made up exclusively of pain and disgust.
February 8, 2012 at 2:37 pm
Allow me to edit:
I thought that what you wrote was
totallytotes rude…There, now she’s moved into her 20s!
February 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm
Typical. She’s “sure there’s going to be plenty of people that don’t like it” but apparently saying that out loud is totally rude.
February 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm
I remember this person, they’re also the recipient of a Kiva loan: http://www.kiva.org/lend/145603
Which means they used money for this that could/should have gone to someone trying to work their way out of poverty.
Interesting.
February 8, 2012 at 2:51 pm
the money totally went to good use with this photoshoot
February 8, 2012 at 4:52 pm
OK, now we know Alix isn’t 19. Not chronologically, anyway.
February 8, 2012 at 9:19 pm
As a PDX-er, I’d just like to say I gave a little sigh of relief that she left Portland.
February 8, 2012 at 10:25 pm
A 10k loan and she can’t keep a website up? That really inspires confidence.
February 9, 2012 at 10:55 am
Berkeley. Well that explains a lot.
February 8, 2012 at 2:27 pm
a trip to the salvation army, dollar store makeup and a crimper doesnt constitute a professional photo shoot. I have equally authentic shitty pictures in a shoebox in my basement that didnt cast me anything but to pay to have the film developed.
February 8, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Saved By the Bell =/= breathtaking
February 8, 2012 at 2:39 pm
Screech approves.
February 8, 2012 at 7:47 pm
Huh. Screech and the photo models all have something in common. Both will weather totally awesome 80s trends and heavy drug use to go on and star in crude pornos in their thirties.
February 9, 2012 at 3:30 am
*shudder* thanks for reminding me of that video. An old, sleazy screech will be in my nightmares tonight.
February 9, 2012 at 7:18 am
I stopped lurking Regretsy just to tell you that you’re so damn awesome for liking both Killer7 and shitty crafts! I wish I could buy you a beer.
Although I’m more of a Kevin kinda girl. No waver, and Kaede’s reloading time is atrocious.
February 10, 2012 at 8:35 am
Oh Screech. The beginning of my love affair with total hot nerds. <3
February 8, 2012 at 2:28 pm
They totally raided my 80s closet for this photoshoot. And my bubblegum stash.
February 8, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Dear God,
Modern humanity is getting to me.
Please send The Doctor and have him leave me off in the 1970s.
And when the 80s comes – have him do it again.
And again.
For all eternity.
Disco forever! The crap above, never!
Amen
February 8, 2012 at 2:53 pm
I would like to edit your comment for my own purposed:
Dear God,
Please send the Doctor. Preferably the tenth one. And have him do it again and again with me. For all eternity.
Amen.
February 8, 2012 at 3:23 pm
AAAAAMMMMEEEEENNNNNN!
February 8, 2012 at 3:48 pm
PREACH!
February 8, 2012 at 4:35 pm
You take Ten, I’ll take Four. He’s a bit naughtier.
February 8, 2012 at 5:40 pm
Why do we have to LIMIT OURSELVES?
February 8, 2012 at 6:54 pm
I’m with princess Buzzkill! I’d gladly take Two, Five, Six, Seven, Nine and Eleven (yeah, I started out watching Classic Who before it was cancelled). But not Four. Everyone knows he was besotted with Romana.
February 8, 2012 at 9:19 pm
Because I’m a one man at a time type woman. More than one at a time and something might get stuck into a place I consider off limits to anything not medical.
February 8, 2012 at 9:20 pm
Can we share him?
February 8, 2012 at 10:02 pm
Sure.
Or heck, since I’m into older men anyway, I’ll happily settle for One or Two.
Though I can’t help but think of what fun stuff Four can do with that long scarf of his.
February 8, 2012 at 3:22 pm
Re disco: Finnish Disco Lesson
February 8, 2012 at 4:35 pm
I prefer this one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TsRdkrxl4g
February 8, 2012 at 7:17 pm
I started to watch that, and got a commercial for catheters. Ewww.
February 8, 2012 at 10:02 pm
Did you watch the one I linked? That guy’s hips are hypnotic.
February 9, 2012 at 6:29 am
He’s obviously danced his ass off.
February 8, 2012 at 9:21 pm
Looks like somebody put a dent in the 80s.
February 9, 2012 at 7:44 am
Wait a minute. How did the DISCO era actually get BETTER than what followed it? I still remember the disgust people heaped on the fashions of this time period. Nostalgia, it’s not what it used to be…
February 9, 2012 at 8:14 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 8, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Wait… You mean those are actually living, breathing people who expected to be paid, and not the mannequins rejected from Old Navy commercials?
Well, pinch my bajingo and call me stumped.
February 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm
i will admit it. yes, my taste is limited. and it does not include your front-pleated, acid-washed jorts. they make my butt hurt.
February 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm
She totally got ripped off.
Just because you pay someone and they have a camera does not make them a professional fashion photographer. That’s especially true when one of the pictures you chose from the shoot to sell your work has one of the models not engaging the camera and making a “Who farted?” face.
February 8, 2012 at 4:01 pm
Don’t you know anything? Farting is totally “on the edge” right now.
February 8, 2012 at 6:55 pm
Gnomey, you got it. In the first post, that model’s nose – WTF? The perspective is TOTALLY skewed. At least in the 2nd pic above, the proportions are better. The 1st, however, again, WTF? Nobody looks flattering in that picture. It’s not artistic license, Ms. Alix. Someone has an expensive camera and are telling you that they’re good, but they’re not.
I missed some opportunities for totally totally totally, so I’m totally taking advantage of it now.
February 8, 2012 at 8:54 pm
The totally professional photographer totally forgot their totally professional lighting
February 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm
Today, while at the grocery store, the music over the PA system played a variety of songs from my youth. Including, but not limited to A Flock of Seagulls, John Cougar Mellencamp, Rick Springfield, and what my dusty memory identified as Ratt.
And now this.
IF YOU WANTED ME TO FEEL OLD, YOU SUCCEEDED!
I miss shoulder pads.
(not really)
Also, I leave you with this: my 18 year old daughter modeling the sweater I wore in 1986. Yes. I still have it. No, I can’t still wear it.
February 8, 2012 at 2:33 pm
I want to pet the sweater.
February 8, 2012 at 2:45 pm
Got that request a lot back in good ol’ 1986.
For some reason, the daughter refused to wear this sweater. Not even on “80s Day” during Spirit Week. I told her that she’d be the only one with an actual ’80s-era sweater. But alas, she declined.
February 8, 2012 at 6:04 pm
I’d wear that.
February 8, 2012 at 6:41 pm
Well, remember in the later 80s when dressing like a “hippie” for Halloween was all the rage? My Mom offered me actual hippie clothes, like a long, boldly flowered muu-muu-like dress and love beads. I was mortified. “No thanks Mom, I would rather wear my unauthentic tie-dye and brand new ‘John Lennon glasses’ than be laughed at for wearing a muu-muu to school.”
February 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm
I wore a mu’u mu’u to school. I also lived in Honolulu, though, so I was predisposed to large flowered dresses.
February 8, 2012 at 2:35 pm
I was shocked to find to hear that Smashmouth is apparently now soft rock. !? I think I’m gonna need to invent Auto-Detune so I can stomach modern music and get my street cred back.
February 8, 2012 at 5:24 pm
That’s ok. Whenever I walk into my local Waldbaum’s, there’s Alice Cooper and Guns N’ Roses playing–not that I’m complaining or anything. But GNR is now classic rock.
February 8, 2012 at 8:09 pm
That’s because radio stations’ definition of “classic” is the same as Etsy’s definition of “vintage”.
February 9, 2012 at 9:26 am
I took my husband to see The Cure a couple years ago, and I was thinking “we’re too old for this shit”. Then I realized if we were listening to The Cure 25 years ago, so were they and everyone else in the audience.
February 9, 2012 at 11:24 pm
I will contribute every fucking penny, aluminum can, and
stolenupcycled copper wiring I can find to contribute to your kickstarter project to invent that. I loathe autotune so much I think I have given myself painful hateroids.February 8, 2012 at 2:43 pm
I used to pair this sweater with a denim miniskirt and white pumps. I also wore a wide white belt that had an off-center buckle.
I WAS BEAUTIFUL, GODDAMMIT!
February 8, 2012 at 3:40 pm
YOU’RE STILL BEAUTIFUL. GODDAMNIT!
February 8, 2012 at 3:43 pm
YOU’RE ONLY SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO PET MY SWEATER!! ♥
February 8, 2012 at 4:12 pm
I WANT TO SWEAT YOUR PETTER!!
(wat?)
February 8, 2012 at 4:37 pm
don’t sweat the petty, pet the sweaty.
February 8, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Something about heavy petting? OMG…you were there in health class, you know that’s wrong.
Wait, what?
February 8, 2012 at 5:29 pm
Don’t sweat the small stuff, stuff the small sweater.
February 8, 2012 at 9:37 pm
Yeah… I played grade school soccer with Ratt’s cousin (the singer’s). So long AGO!
February 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm
Is that in today money or 1980s money?
February 9, 2012 at 5:14 am
Shoulda been monopoly money.
February 8, 2012 at 2:30 pm
Dear 80′s Fashions,
Please go back to the depths from whence you came.
Thanks,
80′s Survivors
February 9, 2012 at 10:41 pm
Amen.
February 8, 2012 at 2:31 pm
The response to the butthurt was very good. I appreciate the restraint and the conciseness.
I’m sorry she spent money on that, too. I want to apologize as well to this person. If she’s on here reading, I want her to know that she is a child of god and loved.
We are all SO kind. Being here is making me a better person. I want to thank everyone for that.
February 8, 2012 at 2:41 pm
Are you wearing a head hat? Of what, may I ask?
February 8, 2012 at 3:34 pm
Yes, you look…different, somehow.
February 8, 2012 at 4:30 pm
it’s a rodent…
February 8, 2012 at 5:28 pm
Well, I no longer start hearing “Red Solo Cup” in my head when I see your avatar. Now it’s “The Hamster Song.” HUGE improvement!
(Don’t worry. It’s me. Random songs pop up in my head when I least expect them, sometimes with the slimmest of connections to what inspired them.)
February 8, 2012 at 6:13 pm
Toby Keith would be so proud if he knew that he has created a song more annoying than Hamster Dance!
They play that Red Solo Cup song so much now…I don’t know why. First time it’s funny, second time you know all the words, third time you never need to hear it again…
February 8, 2012 at 6:19 pm
I’d heard OF the song, but never heard the actual song until I was listening to Imus in the Morning a few months ago. Normally he’ll play 30 seconds of a song, maybe a minute if he likes the song. The. Entire. Song. He played the entire song. I heard it once and it seared its awfullness into my brain.
February 8, 2012 at 9:25 pm
I keep having “You’re a Mean One,Mr. Grinch” pop into my head lately. No idea why.
February 9, 2012 at 7:23 am
I’ve never heard, or heard of, any “Red Solo Cup” song. Don’t think you have to enlighten me.
I woke up yesterday with “Everyone Has AIDS” (from “Team America”) going through my head. It took hours to eradicate. And now that I’ve mentioned it, there it is again.
February 9, 2012 at 10:42 pm
Dammit, I have the Chicken Dance song in my head!
February 9, 2012 at 11:30 pm
My beloved and I spent a joyous 11 hours Sunday night trapped sideways in her car, in a ditch, in a hole, in the snow. At one point I started to rip my ears out to get “that bloody song” out of my head. “Which one?” beloved asked, which is odd as she knows better than to ever ask anyone what song they have earwormed. When I told her which one, she gasped – same song stuck in her head! AIIIIEEEEEEEEE!
We figured out (hey, we had A LOT OF TIME to think on it) it was because that song happened to share its meter with the hazard lights in her truck.
\wants at least a half extra point for not telling what song, thus saving y’all. Yer Welcome.
February 8, 2012 at 4:49 pm
I suspect she figured out that she could get a bit more exposure for her shop, but was canny enough to not act totally batshit — thus driving off anyone who may actually like what they’re seeing.
February 8, 2012 at 2:32 pm
Well see this is what we were missing from the original post, mom jorts. That would have made it much better.
February 9, 2012 at 10:18 pm
That look has been done before – see Martika’s “Tin Soldier” video. This seems more like a Walk of Shame by Nick Rhodes – lost a bet and had to dumpster dive for some bottoms. See – it’s a narrative!
February 8, 2012 at 2:35 pm
How thoughtful of them to send along some more pictures to laugh at!
February 8, 2012 at 2:36 pm
…The etsy seller wasted her money.
February 8, 2012 at 2:36 pm
On the edge of 1985-1986 maybe.
Guess that’s the point since she uses Totally Valley Girl speak.
Whatever…I’m laughing my ass off that she paid money for that.
February 8, 2012 at 2:37 pm
Holy technicolor moose knuckle. TOTALLY didn’t need to see that.
February 8, 2012 at 2:37 pm
Did anyone else notice that they hired a “photographer, hair sylists, makeup artist and photographer”. Seriously, 2 photographers were needed for that mess? Maybe it’s for the flier for their Shabby Chic Hobo Union they are forming?
February 8, 2012 at 3:19 pm
February 8, 2012 at 5:24 pm
Hedy Lamarr! I LOVE Hedy Lamarr!!!
February 8, 2012 at 5:52 pm
That’s HEDLEY!
February 8, 2012 at 9:26 pm
Stampeding cattle in the Vatican?
Kinky!
February 8, 2012 at 9:22 pm
See also:
Photographer, eggs, sausage, and photographer; photographer,photographer baked beans and photographer…
February 9, 2012 at 4:53 am
Bleh! I don’t LIKE photographer!
February 10, 2012 at 2:23 am
You could have something with a bit less photographer in it – how about photographer, photographer, beans, eggs, sausage and photographer? That’s only got three photographers!
February 8, 2012 at 2:39 pm
Is it just me, or can anyone else not stop staring at the guy in the 2nd picture’s crotch? I mean, those stretch pants totally do not go with that ruffled shirt.
February 8, 2012 at 7:04 pm
The ruffed shirt makes me think he’s trying to go for a sort of proto-Victorian steampunk look. Unfortunately, the stretch pants and Mr. T necklace totally ruin it. And no, I don’t care HOW MANY velocipede wheels you put in the picture, he still looks like a dork!
February 8, 2012 at 9:34 pm
Hey, be nice. Dorks don’t deserve that kind of abuse.
February 8, 2012 at 2:39 pm
Maybe I’m feeling bad for my generation being blinded by the wrong idea that the 1980′s was a fashionable decade but I’m impressed by the lack of cussing and how posed the letter writer reads.
The lack of name calling is impressive compared to the other butthurt letters HK gets. I mean they didn’t even threaten to sue!
February 8, 2012 at 5:57 pm
That was my thought too. HK calls his entire portfolio a “New Wave Hillbilly Clownfuck” and “I thought that what you wrote was totally rude and that your taste is obviously very limited” was all he could come up with.
Maybe he skipped the creative writing classes to take more fashion and wardrobe classes.
February 8, 2012 at 10:48 pm
On the other hand, it could be showing tremendous class and restraint. Someone who sees how butthurt is savaged like piranha on an injured cow coated in Nutella couldn’t come up with anything safer.
February 9, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Yeah, I was impressed by the amount of class the person showed. I’m 25 around how old I imagine this fellow to be and other people in our generation would not have shown this much restraint and class.
February 8, 2012 at 2:40 pm
The professional’s who worked on this shoot need to find new professions.
February 8, 2012 at 2:40 pm
There is a slight negative correlation between “professional” and “talented” in most creative industries.
February 8, 2012 at 2:41 pm
Ohhhhh, you paid for this shoot. That’s makes all the difference then.
February 8, 2012 at 2:41 pm
I had no idea that paying for something amounted to it being worthwhile.
February 8, 2012 at 2:42 pm
“That was actually a totally professional photo shoot with professional models, photographer, hair sylists, makeup artist and photographer.” The photographer must have been expensive: Cojoined Twin Photographers are rare@
February 8, 2012 at 2:43 pm
The love child of Edward Cullen and Gary Numan gazes pensively at the tumbling waves. “If I’d known they’d turned my bicycle into installation art,” he thinks, “I wouldn’t have bothered to put on my bike shorts this morning.”
February 8, 2012 at 2:57 pm
From Edward Gorey’s “A Picture Is Sometimes Not Worth the Photographer’s Fees”
February 8, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Totally read that as ‘feces.’
Still accurate.
February 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm
I would absolutely date the love child of Edward Cullen and Gary Numan. Which probably says more about me than anything else.
February 8, 2012 at 2:48 pm
So this isn’t a photo-shoot of hookers?
February 8, 2012 at 2:59 pm
No, hookers wear things that are supposed to be sexually alluring to someone.
February 8, 2012 at 3:10 pm
I always wondered what the 80′s would have been like if I had been old enough to drop acid during them…
February 8, 2012 at 3:32 pm
I was and I did and believe me, they didn’t….
February 8, 2012 at 3:21 pm
Breathtaking…..absolutely. I laughed so hard I was out of breath.
February 8, 2012 at 9:13 pm
I suppose a gasp can be defined as “breathtaking”…
February 8, 2012 at 3:25 pm
Professional. My ass. How can it be considered professional without a bit of bling?
February 8, 2012 at 4:14 pm
Bravo! Now I’ve got Aha’s Take On Me running through my head as I look at this:-D
February 8, 2012 at 4:52 pm
A bit of bling, you say?
(Love the butterflies!)
February 8, 2012 at 4:54 pm
Sir or Madam, you have won my heart and thumbs.
February 8, 2012 at 4:59 pm
Now THATS what the 80s looked like on acid.
February 9, 2012 at 4:55 am
I love that you would know that
February 9, 2012 at 9:02 am
Well, I was 22 and stupid in 1985 so…
February 9, 2012 at 6:56 am
I just had a small, glitter induced seizure.
February 8, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Spending lots of money on a photoshoot and having stylists and photographers means diddly. If the product sucks, it sucks.
Even Vogue wouldn’t have that.
February 8, 2012 at 3:30 pm
“You don’t like the same things I do so obviously your taste is limited.”
I would have looked for a “reply with a punch in the head” button.
February 8, 2012 at 3:37 pm
Why is the blonde…woman? person? on the right in the first photo (the one in the green shirt) holding a buttplug in her/his mouth?
Am I the only one who sees a buttplug there? Am I?
February 8, 2012 at 3:39 pm
Now there is no way for me to convince myself it’s a popcicle.
February 8, 2012 at 5:11 pm
I thought it was bubblegum but now I’m second-guessing myself.
February 9, 2012 at 7:26 am
I thought it was one of those “party pacifiers”… but now, yeah, I can’t see anything but a buttplug.
February 8, 2012 at 3:42 pm
Jesus, I hate the name “Alix.” It’s so hipster, it makes me want to punch babies.
February 8, 2012 at 4:01 pm
It’s more fun just to punch the hipsters.
February 8, 2012 at 4:10 pm
Sister, I sympathize.
February 8, 2012 at 4:25 pm
Amen, Jesix!
February 8, 2012 at 4:40 pm
What do you bet the birth name was Alice, and she changed the spelling herself in middle school?
You know, back before Alice became the most badass steampunk name ever, up there with “Elizabeth.”
February 9, 2012 at 2:20 am
As someone with the name ‘Alix’; a name that was given to me as the shortened form of my full name, Alexandra, because it was the name of the last Tzarina of Russia, by my entirely non-hipster parents (who were in their 40s at the time; Dad a Russian scholar, Mum a Russian hobbyist), I say ‘fick yiu’
February 9, 2012 at 2:27 am
Isn’t it just the french for Alex?
February 9, 2012 at 2:47 am
I think you could be right.
February 9, 2012 at 6:40 am
Could be worse. Could be “Alyx.”
http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/0/Alix
February 9, 2012 at 6:48 am
Also on that link, proof, as if ’twere needed, that there’s nothing hipster about Alix.
All this talk of Alix made me have one those ‘seeing myself from outside what the fuck am I me what the fuck is going on’ moments.
February 9, 2012 at 7:09 am
I’m not disparaging the name “Alix,” or anyone named “Alix,” only the use of the letter “y,” as in “Womyn.”
My own birth name has nine letters, many of which are vowels, and goes back to the 18th century (when it was last popular). I would be quite a hypocrit to poke fun at anyone else’s actual name.
February 9, 2012 at 7:49 am
sorry, years of correcting peoples’ spelling, being told I have a boy’s name (I see Alix as a more feminine version) and a ridiculous amount of pride in my name has made me rather defensive :p especially if it’s being used as a reason to punch babies/hipsters/presumably me.
For the record, your name sounds kind of awesome. I love the 18th century!
February 9, 2012 at 10:57 am
What? There are no boys’ names! There have been girls going by Jack and Joe since forever.
I’m waiting for the day when there are no girls’ names either, and I can legitimately urge my sister to name my nephew Jocelyn (nickname: Lynn) as if it were the Regency.
February 9, 2012 at 12:20 pm
I am now highly curious of your name, since it sounds cool.
I don’t think my name has hit the hipsternet yet, but given that there’s 6+ ways to spell it, I might not realize it even if it did.
February 9, 2012 at 3:27 pm
nah, it’s French for totally edge fuckwit.
February 8, 2012 at 3:58 pm
That store has some of the most batshit retarded ugly crap I’ve ever seen. It’s like the 80s took a dump on the internet.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/46358978/quilts-on-acid-puff-jacket
^It’s all the embarassing stuff my mom made me wear as a kid.
February 8, 2012 at 4:00 pm
Why is this not filed in the Butt-Hurt section?
February 8, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Just Glue Some Gears On It, And Call It Steampunk (singing)
February 9, 2012 at 7:55 am
I heard that being sung in my head when I read your comment. Thank you.
February 8, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 8, 2012 at 4:44 pm
I heard emancipated bitches there for some reason, and I was about to say that was awesome.
Now, I’m definitely a fat jealous loser, sitting here in my size 2X sweat pants, and I have no problem with being that. But I think to call the models emaciated is doing them a disservice. I’d say they actually look pretty healthy figurewise. They’ve got hips and calves and things. They’re nowhere near what you see working for Dior.
February 8, 2012 at 5:10 pm
The real life Scarlett O’Hara
February 8, 2012 at 5:11 pm
Ack! It didn’t work! Here.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4108089/The-girl-with-a-20in-waist.html
February 8, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Ugliest shite I’ve ever seen. Ever. My garbage is offended by this being referred to as garbage.
February 8, 2012 at 4:41 pm
More money just means it’s more of an epic fail. I wouldn’t feel so bad if it was on a budget. This is like Cirque du Soleil on drugs violently thrown back to the ’80s!
February 8, 2012 at 5:09 pm
Y’all beat me to mentioning Spandy Andy. *swoon*
Also, that first photo looks like a week one America’s Next Top Model photo, where the Jays haven’t yet chastised them for squinting and being no-neck monsters.
February 8, 2012 at 5:41 pm
Like, all this crap is like, still around right? because it was like sooo grody we wouldn’t wear it and like our Moms totally had to donate it to the Sally. Like I’m so sure. Sorry, I’m from the Coal Region – we never spoke that way.
February 8, 2012 at 5:46 pm
I am so glad I was into metal and hair bands in the 80′s and managed to avoid most of this shit. Although I do have a fringed leather jacket with shoulder pads worthy of the NY Giants.
February 9, 2012 at 7:34 am
LOL, me too.
I was IN one of those 80s metal hair bands!
Fortunately, we all had Bowie-worthy packages to be proud of in our spandex, LOL
If you happened to miss seeing our band play, please just go ahead and watch Spinal Tap again…it’s pretty much the same thing
February 8, 2012 at 5:54 pm
Oh and this post reminded me that I did this a while back in my artistic ability:
February 8, 2012 at 9:38 pm
That’s some f***ed up AWESOME! Portlandia wants to host this contest.
February 9, 2012 at 5:01 am
That’s awesome!!
Also: I once played the Stone Pony back in the early 80s!
February 8, 2012 at 6:20 pm
Not sure what I’m more impressed by, the butthurt response or the fact that people were paid to partake in this assault on my eyes.
February 8, 2012 at 6:25 pm
To be fair, yeah, I find it “breathtaking”, but in the Seinfeld sense.
February 8, 2012 at 7:52 pm
I’m sorry, but I just don’t see the appeal of a Euro-trash/punk photoshoot. I don’t care if your clothing is vintage, retro or brandfuckingnew.
That look wasn’t “in” in the 80′s, and next time don’t use Tina Turner’s makeup artist from beyond thunderdome.
I’m sorry, I just got back from a wedding, depressingly sober, where the groom’s family thought they were too good to co-mingle with my blue collar family.
But hey, I get to wake up in St Thomas four more times before I have to return to the snow.
February 8, 2012 at 8:13 pm
I don’t know how much you paid, Alix, but I can say with certainty that it was too much.
February 8, 2012 at 8:23 pm
What the HELL is in their mouths in the first pic?
February 8, 2012 at 9:03 pm
I already voted buttplugs.
February 9, 2012 at 7:31 am
I ALWAYS vote buttplugs.
There are going to be some very confused folks in my district while they are counting ballots in November
February 9, 2012 at 7:59 am
Oh my. I think I love you.
February 10, 2012 at 4:46 am
I may just need to hold you to that
or hold mine to yours
or something…
February 9, 2012 at 11:04 am
Butt. Plug.
February 10, 2012 at 4:47 am
BUTTPLUG!
February 9, 2012 at 2:25 pm
Just as long as there are no hanging chads….or alixs…you should be fine.
February 8, 2012 at 8:50 pm
I had my wisdom teeth out today. When I woke up, the anaesthetics had made me a little high, and everything was so FUNNY. I wish I could have looked at these photos this morning. They would have looked even funnier than they do right now.
February 8, 2012 at 9:12 pm
I like how she says “photographer” twice in the first paragraph, trying to convince us it was legit and not TOTALLY done with a disposable from Rite Aid and then edited in iPhoto.
February 9, 2012 at 11:10 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 8, 2012 at 9:42 pm
“and that your taste is obviously very limited.”
yeah, limited to things that don’t suck, or aren’t hideous, or some such along those lines. the horror.
February 8, 2012 at 10:34 pm
OMG I totally know Alix. We used to rent studio space from a warehouse s/he ran in SF.
Based on what s/he wore on a daily basis, I believe that s/he put effort into making this look “classy”..
February 8, 2012 at 10:52 pm
Can anyone really, truly, totally know Alix?
I actually can appreciate these pictures as art, but I couldn’t imagine they’d be at all useful in selling anything these people are wearing.
February 9, 2012 at 3:32 pm
Art!!
Totally
LOL!!
February 8, 2012 at 10:56 pm
someone so boundlessly stuck in the mirror of her own self importance that she can no longer even see the endless stack of too recent cultural images from which she is appropriating [in ordinary circumstances aka: stealing. in this one aka: merely copying].
between all the self-love & self-licking [in every sense of the word] this one clearly sees herself as a radical artist. not a copyist, not a xeroxing fool duplicating cheap & ugly dregs that were not even worth bothering w/ the first time. i remember this 80s wreckage in it was in its original incarnation. garbage in, garbage out, sayeth whoever: garbage evermore. w/ those proud & ever original fluoro spandex dick shots.
she made all this up. not really.
i wanna smash my head against the wall until it bleeds when i see stuff like this.
February 9, 2012 at 12:58 am
Oh honey, no. Gently hold your finger on the shift key and drink some liquor.
February 9, 2012 at 3:42 am
there is vintage and then there is this shit.
How very embarrassing lol.
February 9, 2012 at 6:59 am
This makes me feel like a stuffy old guy. I want to wave my stick and yell, “Get a real outfit, you whippersnappers!”
Besides…holy shit…that stuff was stupid twenty years ago, it’s moronic now. Now excuse me, I have to select which waistcoat I’ll wear today….
February 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm
I suggest the maroon one with tails.
February 9, 2012 at 11:05 am
Just because it made people speechless, doesn’t mean they found it breathtaking.
February 9, 2012 at 11:31 am
Or I could be gasping for breath after laughing myself sick at this silliness….
February 9, 2012 at 12:11 pm
“Our website is down at the moment but once it’s back up I can refer you to the full sets from that and our other shoot, of which I’m also attaching a photo.”
Or updating website and getting ready for free publicity here.
February 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm
The top one is kinda awesome in an 80′s-licious re-imagining of “Grease” for a high-school drama department.
The bottom one is kind of like 1800′s London version Count Dracula had a bastard offspring son with Cyndi Lauper. Or maybe Boy George. And he “REALLY likes” bicycling.
Either way, I’m sure everyone’s noticed that the spandex keeps few secrets.
February 9, 2012 at 3:36 pm
It’s not art, it’s not fashion, it’s crap, utter crap, that’s all.
February 9, 2012 at 10:15 pm
I’m still too enamored with the words “hillbilly clownfuck” to stop laughing long enough to care the butthurt of a technicolor mime troupe.
February 10, 2012 at 12:33 am
I had hippy parents who dressed me in tie-dye when I was little. My dad had long hair, and my mom wore a puffy white shirt (looked almost like a “Bohemian” style shirt minus the low collar) and a white skirt with some earthy brown trim when they married in ’83. We listened to Led Zepplin and Jimi Hendrix in the house, mixed with some Pink Floyd and old Grateful Dead.
While I think my parents did a lot of stupid shit, there is one thing they did that I think was smart: they skipped the 80′s.
February 10, 2012 at 4:47 am
I dunno, the 80′s DID have tight jeans with plaid jean jackets, which were stupendously awesome, provided you lived within a couple miles of a farm or cornfield. Of course, at some point someone added 2-foot iridescent see-through epaulettes and the whole thing went to shit.
February 11, 2012 at 10:40 pm
Do you recall tight rolling your jeans?
February 10, 2012 at 8:56 am
I have no idea what I am doing. FASHION!
http://bln.gs/b/248fva
February 10, 2012 at 9:18 am
Second picture kind of looks like Dooce.
February 11, 2012 at 10:35 pm
I’m going to make ALL of you 80′s kids feel better right now. This was me, Easter of 1988 or 1989:
Jaclyn Smith for Kmart collection. Yes, it had a peach butt bow on it too. I wore headbands every single day at that point. I would love to be a size 8 again though.
February 11, 2012 at 11:12 pm
The “professional” who styled the shoot was Alix herself. http://www.modelmayhem.com/1237704
That must have cut down on the costs at least a little.
February 16, 2012 at 3:52 am
Holy shit. I want those skates.
Somebody got the hookup?