Perfect for swingers parties.
It does expose quite easy access to her coin slot.
Or bike rack.
To access, please insert coin into slot.
If the dress wasn’t a micro dress you’d think so. Who is so lazy that they can’t raise the dress two inches to poop/hump/both
But this makes it so much easier to swipe my credit card…
LEMME CHARGE THAT ASS!!!
Natch, it’s from Greece. They invented it.
But is it freshness dated?
I don’t think that dress is all it’s cracked up to be…
Cheeky, aren’t ya?
If you don’t like it, you’re lacking in hindsight.
This is a FORMAL dress.
She wears something alot more casual for everyday.
She wears the same dress, only backwards.
They’re probably selling this only because they’re behind on their bills.
Just say NO to crack.
I feel that purchasing this dress would just improve the seller’s bottom line.
You guys are cracking me up! Cheeky monkeys.
If that was on top, they’d call it a peekaboo dress… so would this be a peekapoo???
It’s giving me Crac Man Fever!
How do you feed the fish in the heels of those awesome shoes?
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
just say no to crack
This goes with it:
Everyone wrote this design off as a loser but it will be a come-from-behind triumph.
The seller always gets them in the end.
Say no to crack.
I think I’m in love
You’re right, you are.
My plumber already has one like this and it fits him much better.
I haven’t met your plumber, but I feel confident in saying I’d rather look at this crack.
What I can’t understand is why she didn’t model some of her “very personal erotic strings”, with such a perfect, um, showcase.
Some say the eyes are a window into a person’s soul. This dress is a window into a person’s lunch.
SLIDE CARD TO BEGIN.
Also: MINE. I posted it to the forums! YAY ME.
Did you buy the dress for your dog?
And if you did, tell me you don’t have pictures.
It is the perfect dress for a butt, I mean mutt.
There’s a hole for the tail in the dress already! What a find…
Better for sniffing
That’s where I saw it! For one very long moment, I thought I was having deja vu about an assless dress. And I was very confused.
I love this dog. I always love smiling dogs.
Me too. I always feel the need to smile back. So I end up stuck smiling at a picture of a smiling dog.
What a wonderful movie! I went with a friend who chastised me everytime I cried. “My dear, it’s an animated movie!” “I DON’T CARE, IT’S SAD!!”
I don’t think I could be friends with someone who didn’t feel sad watching “UP”.
I cried so much in the first 10 minutes or so & I practically never cry while watching movies… but it felt GOOD to cry with this one. So satisfying.
I do too, especially my pooch’s awkward, lopsided grins.
Are you familiar with Chris Becker’s Woof Page on Facebook? Your sweetie’s smile would fit right in!
Aww, Mugsy, I’d never seen that page but there is so much cute there! Definitely watching it now, and yes, my boy would fit in just fine!
Glad to share. I can’t remember where I found out about the author, but there was one photo that I loved so much that I had to send him a compliment and he wrote back, thanking me and saying how much fun he has photographing the dogs.
I love the I’m-basking-in-the-sunshine smile on your baby!
@Haineux: Are you familiar with Chris Becker’s Woof Page on Facebook? (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Chris-Beckers-Woof-Page/196863890324204)
I thought I’d seen smiliing dogs on his page, but nothing compares to yours! (I’ve printed out the photo in b&w and taped him to my office wall, so I can always see his incredible face.)
She takes credit cards?
I mean, everyone will think so if you’re going around in a dress like that.
I’ve been looking for the perfect dress for my butt-rape convention.
Also “Crack is Whack”-Whitney Houston
Just the thought of an entire convention dedicated to butt rape made milk spew from my nose.
I am hoping you were actually drinking milk at the time…if not you have a very unique skill.
Can you really call it “surprise” buttsecks if you’re wearing this?
‘Who’ might still qualify as a surprise.
Added bonus- Ease and convenience after those drunken late night trips to Taco Bell.
She has it on backwards.
For when you want a new tramp stamp, but you are just too embarrassed to disrobe in front of a tattoo artist.
I’ve been wanting to get Arschgeweih in Old English across my lower back. (That’s German for “ass antlers.”)
Aparently in Swedish the word for what we call “tramp stamp” has the literal translation of ass antlers.
None for me thanks…
And they said that major in Anglo-Saxon Languages would be useless.
I will admit, I’m very tempted to get “EXIT ONLY” tattooed above my butt. However, I already have two tattoos I regret getting and they’re just a couple of small roses.
Yeah, you never know, you might change your mind about that! but I’m sure it could be tinkered with in that case.
Nearer to Goatse…
reminds me of a hymn. “Nearer, My Goatse, to Thee”
“Yo, dawg, we heard you like assholes, so we put a giant asshole on your asshole!”
It’s certainly the biggest, greyest pucker I hope ever to see.
She has it on upside down, right?
Is this the keyhole neckline equivalent of Skants?
So she put her head through the armholes, and somehow ended up with the head hole at her butt… this has to be it, right?
I’d wear it the other way around, just for fun!
Now that’s what I call being a “good sport”!
This is the first time I’ve found a post literally jaw-dropping. I just can’t even.
I do not want to sit in any chair after the person wearing this dress…
I don’t see a woman wearing this dress spending much time sitting.
I’d spend all of my time in this dress sitting. But, then, that’s mainly because the seller’s assumptions about the most attractive part of a woman don’t apply to all of us.
Is that Prince’s new girlfriend?
Ok bad joke. Lets just put it behind us.
I’m going to get it out of my system:
“I’d plumb her depths!”
HOLE-Y wardrobe malfunctions BUTTMAN!
Yup, it certainly does a good job of showing off her elbows. I know I hate it when women wear big, flowing dresses that cover up their sexy, sensual elbows.
Straight women are obviously jealous of the assless chaps gay men get to wear.
all chaps are assless
my friend: what do you call chaps with asses then?
Is it just me, or is this not the first time I’ve read the phrase “all chaps are assless” on Regretsy this week?
think it’s a sampler. Or it should be.
it will be soon, knowing FJLs
Come on you guys! Don’t be so ANAL about this dress. I can see the down BUTT let’s not PUSH HARD the issue. LUBE is probably needed to slip into it. Looks like SEX.
Hahaha so I’m not the only one who realized my joked sucked >.<
I think it got down voted more because you capitalized everything. I mean really the people on here are about the dirtiest I know they don’t need any help. :p
It takes practice. Remember that “brevity is the soul of wit” (or whatever). Omit needless turds.
I thought this site was about all the needless turds people were emitting already….
Note how quickly we omit them.
I can’t help but imagine that this dress is very fastidious and prim in the front just so it can REALLY freak people out once you turn around.
It kinda is, actually.
Kinda screams “bank teller” actually.
please! someone put some goatse hands in that dress!! it is screaming for it!
It’s a “Goatsie Frame”(tm) dress!
Say you spy that special somone across the bar, how do you get their attention? Too shy to walk up and say hi? Give em a goatsie & a smile!
I so want to buy this and applique Goatse hands on either side of the hole. And wear it.
(I go to adult cons, so yes, I DO have a place to wear it in public. Won’t make it any less horrible, but will get great laughs.)
Makes it easier for anyone who buys this to stick their head up their own ass.
I think if they’re buying this, it’s already there.
OMG, the perfect dress for Michelle Bachman.
Only no one would want to actually see her wear it?
Well, no, I’m thinking more practical than aesthetic purposes for her.
Wouldn’t we need to get her head OUT of her ass first so she could get this on?
Nah, you’d be able to see the harness straps when they rode up.
This is great. It has been too much work for me actually lift the skirt part to take a shit.
She looks like she’s squatting a bit, too. Modeling correct pooping posture?
Oh, I thought she was tap dancing. Which made as much sense as what’s she’s modeling.
No, I think she is actually shaped like that. See her in this photo?
From the waist down she faces a different way than the rest of her. I had a Barbie doll that was broken like this once.
I had a GI Joe that had the same problem. Aww, they could have made a crooked couple!
She’s thinking that pose makes her legs look longer and her butt look less wide. She does it in all her photos. Should have just hired a model if it bothered her that much.
I don’t think even Jenna Jameson would model the stuff this lady makes.
The camera used has some serious distortion problems that may be part of the problem. Look at the grout line on the floor.
At least I hope it’s the camera causing that, and not a drunken…tiler. Tile-layer? Tilist?
Chapess? Draps? What are we calling this thing?
And can we see one modelled with these? http://www.regretsy.com/2012/01/29/weekend-flashback-i-hate-everyone/
It would be the ultimate outfit of “things that do not actually cover the areas you would usually expect that type of garmet to cover.”
Does it come in plus size??
I bet there’s some kind of illogical math where you actually pay more for less and less fabric as the sizes go up.
Sounds like the average Abercrombie & Fitch store to me.
Like food at Nobu?
Gives a hole new meaning to the term “butterface”
I see what you did there…
The lesson here is: PAY YOUR DRY CLEANER ON TIME!
You’ve got to be shitting me.
I think you’re supposed to wear it with this: http://www.etsy.com/listing/89955032/sexy-jeweled-g-strings-with-earrings
Awesome, I need a new chain for my ceiling fan!
Did the Kardashian’s start an Etsy shop?
Oh god the front is worse.
Because it’s ruched or because she’s in the front? Tbh, her ass is her better looking half.
That’s what she said.
Seriously, she really did this time!
It has a front?
From the Jackie Stallone collection.
^ Best Comment So Far!
You know what accessory would totally complete that look ? A human hair butt plug !
The Eye of Sauron gazed upon its domain. The walls, once red with blood, were now a light pink. To make it worse, the light pink was from paint and not the skins of hobbits. The thrown made from the bones of a thousand slain virgins was replaced by a hideous IKEA couch. Apparent, a bad interior had just walked into Mordor. The Eye of Sauron began to weep.
Just be thankful she’s not modeling some of her other products…though they might go *ahem* well *ahem* with this dress…
Why the f*ck would you want that dangling in front of your bajingo?
Just what I need, a leather-thong wedgie.
I’m so confused!
It’s like a carnival game. Avoid the swinging beads of chafing while trying to poke your girlfriend. By Hasbro.
That’s Has-Bro, I think
When you want to find level. It’s a plumb bob, naturally.
It’s a country/western thong, you know the words, “I got beads that bajingle bajangle bajingle”
Looking at her crotchbutt “jewelry,” all I can think about is sitting down, then standing up and having to pull all that metal and beadwork out of my ass-crack. That’s so attractive…and why I do not wear thong underwear. (Well, that, and the fact that I’ve yet to find the last pair I wore.)
You totally beat me to it.
Granted, I’d say the ass jewelry would really brighten this up.
Look at it this way, at least she had class enough to have a mannequin model this.
I find that both stunny and erotical.
You’re right. It has a certain sexual “Je ne sais quoi”, doesn’t it. I’ve always found dowsing rods sexy.
as you walk, that dangly-bit swings fore and aft…
I bet that would be hell on someone with a nickel allergy.
I was going to wear my Superman briefs with the dress… but I guess this leathery thong would work too.
Though who am I kiding? I’d be wearing the dress at least once a week, so I’d get to peekaboo ALL my underoos eventually! Even the cashmere ones I bought the other day!!!
This piece achieves functionality and fashion whilst pooping. No more bunching around the waist while hoping you haven’t trapped a hem under your thigh. Ah, what a dream life. I see I’m not the only one with this thought. Hi-tens to that.
I can’t decide what the best part is. That it’s probably illegal to wear as-is in the picture, or that it’s a one-size-fits-most garment.
I always feel like they leave off a word in that phrase. one-size-fits-most-manequins
“You mean I can poop AND be warm!?”
It may be the hipster equivalent of a union suit. Or an outfit for those “explosive diarrhea” days.
I think it would look much better backwards.
She’d get more dates for sure.
“It reveals the most attractive part of the women’s body”
Yet somehow even without that sentence I already knew the creator of this thing was an ass man….
Oh I thought it was more like:
Oh man, I’d love to have that plate. If anyone asked, I’d play dumb that I had no idea of what they were talking about. It says A55 RGY.
that picture of orange makes letter “o”
so to me, it looks like A55 ORGY
Sadly, our great state of Florida has changed it so there are now two oranges in the center.
Okay, so you can’t use the orange as an “O” to spell things any more, but the two oranges are still strategically placed on the silhouette of Florida:
AWESOME!!! You mean my cellulite dimpled asscne would be made attractive??? Where do I put my visa …
You left out a comma. “He’s an ass, man.”
Completely unrelated to the dress… is that a just a big piece of tacky fabric covering the couch? I mean, look at it. It has the white edge to it. Whatever happened to using actual sheets?
I’d rather wear the couch cover.
I’m confused. It says it “reveals the most attractive part of the women’s body” but it doesn’t look like her mind is showing…
Nope, indeed her mind was gone when she made that dress.
And not to be rude, but for many women (and many men) their mind can be one of the LEAST attractive parts of them. Especially if it is small, closed, and/or relatively unused.
Everyone’s had it happen: You think someone’s cute until you talk to them for about a minute.
I hate to contradict you, but it does reveal the most attractive part of a woman’s body: it doesn’t go anywhere near her ankles! Talk about an aesthetically pleasing body part.
… I’ll be in my bunk.
I want those stockings and those shoes! *drools with retro-lust*
Oh I know, me too!!
Should be called the Coin Slot Dress.
I’m thinking “credit card swipe.”
I’m confused by the quasi- “warrior pose”.
I dunno, it’s sort of like an exhaust vent. Maybe she’s going out for Mexican tonight. You know what happens when you eat Mexican, pound down the Dos Equis (stay thirsty my friends) and the ol’ digestive tract acts up.
This has got to save her thousands in skid-mark related dry cleaning alone. Leave that mark on the chair in the club, it’s THEIR problem. No more scorched drawers. I’m ordering two for me.
You have me giggling like a maniac. Yes, indeed, the perfect dress for Taco night.
well how about taco night laced with rectal rocket fuel hot sauce
It must be pretty bad when you have to go so bad that you can’t decide whether to pull down your skirt or lift it up to use the toilet. It’s even worse when you need a trap door option on a skirt.
Pepto-Bismol is cheaper.
i was gonna say, this dress would sell well on cruise boats headed to mexico.
DON’T DRINK THE WATER! unless you are wearing this dress =P
I wonder if this person had public decency laws in mind. Or thought of the kids with their low-hanging pants and came up with something for their girlfriends.
Actually, the whole idea is to make her very expensive her good taste in intimate apparel. Without buying her dinner and drinks.
Oh my. I derped!
Meant to say “Actually the whole idea is to make her good taste in very expensive intimate apparel visible. Without buying her dinner and drinks.”
No more posting before coffee. I promise!
Alright, alright, but who wore it better, hmm ???
I remember that movie with Ryan O’Neil
But that’s not who is going to wear this type of dress. This is who will wear that…
Walmart customers can afford quality Etsy goods?
You know, she has good taste in underwear. Mayhaps she should go with a slightly higher rise on the pant, though.
I think that’s one of my sisters-in-law. O_O
Didn’t Prince wear a pair of jeans like the ones in the movie? I have a memory of seeing his butt cheeks and they’re not something I would think about without provocation.
Actually this garment would be handy for those of us that have vestigial tails.
Don’t be hatin’…
I see a South Park image that says “HOTLINKING IS BAD…MMMKAY?” That means you’re not supposed to post a direct link to an image on funstuffcafe.com, but steal it outright and host it on your own webspace, like they did, from http://lessthanhuman.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d78jq2.
DAMN YOU OLDE AGE
The latest in crack whore fashion, from Sluts-R-Us.
It screams, “I’m a sexy lady plumber!” That just makes me want to purchase it all the more. Maybe this is all the rage for women in Greece and we just don’t understand.
The nudity doesn’t bother me, but I certainly hope that the persons wearing such a thing practice good hygiene or maybe wear some undies. They could wear panties with it!
This is why their economy is in the toilet. They forget to sew the flap on to their union dresses.
She’s Greek! No wonder! Beware of Greeks bearing gifts and wearing sneakers
In this case, it’s Greeks baring gifts.
I guess I’m not very attractive…no man has ever complimented just the top half of my ass crack.
you obviously haven’t been trying hard enough
Darling, I would like to say that you have an absolutely lovely top/half ass crack!
You have to epilate and use glitter.
I feel like this could be the start of a new Regretsy feature: Is it Butt Cleavage or Boob Cleavage?
“As long as you have cleavage, it doesn’t matter which way it’s facing”- Jeff Murdoch, Coupling
So, this is what Power Girl wears when she goes clubbing, then?
I’m really enjoying the implied C**** T**.
I suppose I really am ADD.
CRACKED.com had a very enlightening article the other day, focusing pendulously on that character’s costume.
Glad to see that you are keeping abreast of the latest developments.
I would buy that, but I would only wear it once in a blue moon.
That’s what happens when you wear it outside in the winter.
I see what you did here….
And it is funny!
When I showed this to The Ginger, I told him that it was Goatse waiting to happen. He replied, “back door guests are always best.”
Sometimes you just gotta let your pooper breathe.
But not on burrito night.
I am freaked out more by the shadow of the lampshade that just doesn’t seem right.
It’s on BOTH upside down and backwards I think.
“reveals the most attractive part of the women’s body” – it certainly ain’t her face, am I right?
Oh!…is she wearing a c-string now??
Well, they say place trash in the can. I guess they meant her can.
is it only me or does it look like a lavender my little pony diving out of her valley?
But what is the most attractive part of a woman’s body? Don’t leave me in suspense! Is it the upper part of the spine? The elbows? The inside of the knee? Don’t tell me it’s that upper part of the crack of the ass from which you can’t really access any orifices…
Seriously, people. If you want to do fetish wear, at least put the hole in a place we can fuck. Or put it on something that’s not a mini where it’s just as easy to reach underneath as it is on top. This isn’t sexually convenient, it’s just confusing. Maybe she has it on upside down.
You just have another option with this dress. Maybe it’s about freedom of choice as shown in design and the functionality it creates. Not everything is a home run, sometimes people really miss the mark with the things they dream up and make.
Why does the floor appear curved under her feet? That troubles me more than the dress. Not good at spatial relations so I’m having trouble imagining how this lens curve(?) distortion has affected the way the dress appears.
I’m not sure a different lens will help.
Maybe she shrunk her ass using photoshop and it distorted things? Other than that, I don’t know what would do that!
Digital cameras are notorious for causing that kind of distortion. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it so bad, though. It’s almost as if she used a wide-angle lens. Or a fish-eye lens.
Brown fish-eye, maybe.
1. That’s man.
2. How is he warping gravity to bend the floor tiles into a circular pattern?
But there’ll be nothing to absorb my sharts
She’s making an ass of herself.
Why is the model standing like that with her knees bent? And why is the floor curved up?
Ah, I see I am late with this comment. Sorry
I think the floor is curved due to the use of a fisheye lens on the camera.
Great minds think alike, only mine is slower. A LOT slower.
If she made wedding dresses like this, it would add a whole new dimension to the Money Dance.
Coin only dance
We all know that the next logical step is to have the cut-out in the back AND the front: be afraid. Be very afraid.
…gee…i have an overwhelming desire to toss a quarter in that crack…
It’s clearly a medieval catholic consummation dress for grooms who have done time.
Don’t all dresses show off your brain?
So like…where would someone WEAR a dress like that? Is that something that can be worn outside the home without risking arrest?
I think it’s the ritual garb for a spanking.
Oooh… and I bet I know what comes after the spanking…
Only if you’re very good.
The oral sex?
(That’s what you get for leaving that fake Grail light on again. Naughty Zoot!).
Oh, good! Now I have something to wear with my assless tights from American Apparel!
It’s like an upside-down, backwards Powergirl..
Well, I can honestly say that my ass in NOT the best part of my body. Seriously, where could you wear that? It screams, I’ll bend, you insert. Or, as the astute commenter above pointed out, it’s great for holding credit cards.
Business in the front. Party in the rear!
It’s the mullet of dresses.
I’m surprised it doesn’t show the crack in her boobs too!
These are the problems you have when you let gay men design women’s clothing.
Fixed that for ya.
Yes, gay men usually have exquisite taste in clothing. They wouldn’t be caught dead near Paris Hilton’s hospital gown, here.
Paris Hilton’s hospital gown is the perfect name for this. Even if you think the concept is hot (which, for lingerie/fetish wear, not to be worn in actual public, it could be), the execution is lousy. The ruching around the window is just hideous. I wouldn’t have thought an assless dress could be made frumpy, but this person pulled it off.
Some has a horrible fetish for club skank wear and footie pajamas with drop seats. Or…I don’t know? Anyone made a transvestite hooker joke yet? Full moon viewing port, perfect for wearing to the observatory? Perfect for signing butt casts at parties? Insert photos of loved ones for a truly unique dress! Perfect for work- for everyday butt copies or when you turn around and tell your boss to kiss it. I…I must stop. I could go on all night.
Better pay for it on time.
You wouldn’t want to be in arrears.
dis is da crackhouse welcome 2 da crackhouse
man we talkin more parties den a frat house~
God damnit I couldn’t resist.
“Most attractive part of a woman” really? That’s something I’ll never get – butts are where poop comes out of. And farts. I just can’t find something that poop and farts come out of attractive. I mean, at least breasts give life sustaining milk for babies. Butts just give us fecal matter and bad smells.
I agree, seller, elbows are awesome.
FINALLY! A sexy dress we goddamn dinosaurs can wear! WHY HAVEN’T THEY HAD TAIL HOLES BEFORE?
This is also the perfect dress for the discerning farmer who wants to class up his date. His wooly, wooly date…
She’s good for his blood circulation.
I was hoping one of you clever folks would past the charming wooden buttplug from the other day into the picture as the completed outfit.
Nevermind the dress, the descriptions on the thong listings are killing me
I made this very personal erotic strings with love and care, taking in consideration your very special moments.
Handmade! Each item is unique!
VERY SPECIAL MOMENTS INDEED
Hookers can have special moments while working? I guess I can believe that.
Wow. Can’t wait until the size Large hits the “People of Walmart”.
Man, hospital gowns have gotten more complicated lately.
Also, I’m sure this is the point, but let’s hope she doesn’t have to pick anything up off the floor. You bend over in that thing, and there are no secrets anymore.
lol @ this exchange after seeing this picture:
My husband: “I can think of three different body parts that are sexier than a woman’s ass crack.”
Me: “Plus, by her pose, it looks like she’s about to take a shit. NOT sexy.”
I think with some thought, you can re-purpose this beauty. One way to do it is use it as balaclava. Just sayin…
How’d she get that Ninja up her ass?
Everything IS better with Googley eyes!
This dress answers the question, “how do I convince a baboon that I’m not a drag queen?”
I DO like the paisley shirt in her other listing though, but not necessarily as a “woman shirt.” A skinny dude could totally rock that thing Chris Kattan style.
Is anyone surprised that this shop has no sales?
No! It can’t be!
I wonder if the dress can become more handy if worn backwards.
It could be marketed as labor-and-delivery outfit. One can deliver through the bottom opening, and then immediately start breastfeeding through the top one. Handy. And Sexy!
i find the constipated stance to be more disturbing that the garment.
anyone remember doodie dot com?
I am late to the party, but my Spidey senses are telling me that the model is a man (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I’m just going by the gigantico hands, the luscious elbows, the strong, veiny pipes, and her calves.
Well fuck, Crystal Glass…I rubbed one out to that photo.
Now I’m Gay.
Not that there’s ANYTHING wrong with that.
On a totally unrelated note, does anyone have the number to Michelle Bachmann’s “clinic”? I know she needs the money…
Vintage upcycled from Prince’s dumpster
She’s squeezing her ass like she’s trying to pop a massive zit DX
I hate her shoes.
“reveals the most attractive part of the woman’s body” in a completely un-attractive way.
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