Etsy or Regretsy?
Perhaps the most frequently asked question at Regretsy is this:
Is this shit really for sale?
Sadly, the answer is yes. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last 2 years, it’s that People will sell anything (primarily because people will buy anything).
So here’s new game for you:
At least one of these is a real listing on Etsy. At least one is fake.
Which is the Etsy and which is the Regretsy?
Leave your guesses in the comments.
January 30, 2012 at 12:17 pm
I would bet my virginity that all of those are available for sale on etsy.
January 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm
I’m going to bet my already ruined vagina that those are all real.
January 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm
Yeah, I mean, good luck collecting on my virginity. It’s really just a concept at this point, like “money”.
January 30, 2012 at 12:47 pm
It was a real thing, until Nixon took it off the gold standard.
January 30, 2012 at 1:03 pm
Money? Or my virginity?
January 30, 2012 at 2:09 pm
There’s gonna be a serious drop in inflation when the economy finds out about my STD results!
All negative! Woooo! The market’s open!
January 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm
I’d bet my virginity, but I have no idea where it is. I lost in years ago.
January 30, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I already sacrificed mine to one of the lesser gods. No help here.
January 30, 2012 at 12:41 pm
I tried to lose my virginity, but it found me again. Damn thing is like a homing pigeon.
January 30, 2012 at 1:02 pm
I have a cousin who was a virgin for both of her weddings, yet consummated both.
How?
Auntie wrote a check for $2000 and a nice letter to the Church asking for an anullment of her daughter’s first marriage. Now that I think of it, the letter wasn’t necessary.
January 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm
This is immensely awesome & demands to be shared… I would vote for a t-shirt, but it’s not the sort of thing often advertised. Unless… cheeky Christian teens?
January 30, 2012 at 1:02 pm
Fortunately you still have the box it came in.
January 30, 2012 at 1:55 pm
I personally liked the box better than I ever liked the virginity.
January 30, 2012 at 12:40 pm
I too would have bet your virginity
January 30, 2012 at 12:58 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
January 30, 2012 at 1:26 pm
Hi! Nice to have you and your average-size penis around here again!
January 30, 2012 at 1:53 pm
Is the size something you really Regretsy?
January 30, 2012 at 3:25 pm
But what size is the smell?
January 30, 2012 at 12:18 pm
OMG, I know who killed Jesus because they have the “original”
January 30, 2012 at 10:01 pm
I thought a crucifix was supposed to still have his corpse nailed to it?
January 31, 2012 at 12:09 pm
Yes, I was hoping that they didn’t include that in the sample so that you couldn’t just…copy from the listing. Then I thought I was giving them way way too much credit.
January 30, 2012 at 12:18 pm
..I have no idea. I have been on this site too long, these are all believable. I’m going to guess..Dildo shirt!
January 30, 2012 at 12:19 pm
I’m guessing dildo shirt too, or the crucifix. The “rainwater harvested under the full moon” seems too likely to be on etsy.
January 30, 2012 at 1:57 pm
I say Helen made up the Match Brooch – Bronc made up the dildo shirt
The rest are Etsy
January 30, 2012 at 2:39 pm
I’m going to vote for the matchstick brooch as being made up, too. That, or they’re all real.
January 30, 2012 at 1:24 pm
I saw a bunch of “I love my dildo” stuff last night when I made the mistake of trying to see if there were any handmade sex toys on Etsy.
I’m scared for life.
January 30, 2012 at 1:39 pm
I actually make floggers out of Rexlace and have sold several on Etsy. My best seller was a rainbow flogger with a glow-in-the-dark handle! I should put some more up there…
January 30, 2012 at 5:11 pm
The floggers aren’t bad. It’s things like the ceramic dildos and crocheted ring gags that got to me.
http://forums.regretsy.com/topic.php?id=18509
January 30, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Handmade sex toys: by handiworkers for handiworkers.
January 30, 2012 at 1:24 pm
The shirt is probably real actually. There is a town in Canada called Dildo so I know there are I love Dildo shirts out there. It’s surprising the amount of tourists they get.
January 30, 2012 at 1:52 pm
Sort of like Intercourse PA. I have wine glasses and a mug from there.
January 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm
Bone Lick national park, TN
January 30, 2012 at 2:02 pm
Climax, MI.
January 30, 2012 at 2:34 pm
I’m sorry, but I still think Spread Eagle, WI wins.
January 30, 2012 at 3:09 pm
Hell, Grand Cayman.
January 30, 2012 at 5:58 pm
Bong Recreation Area in Wisconsin, on the way down to Chicago from Milwaukee.
January 30, 2012 at 2:45 pm
There’s a Dildo Key in Florida, too.
January 30, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Really? At least one is fake?? Oy….. I’ll go with the rainwater, though I have no faith in that decision.
January 30, 2012 at 12:19 pm
These are all expertly useless. I’m going to say the I Love Dildo shirt must be regretsy because it actually has a function as clothing. clothing that will get you weird looks, but weird looks are just more reason to be yourself and be smug doing it, amirite.
Gonna say the Eggshells and crosss stitching are real because they both show serious misunderstanding about how the internet and the postal service work.
January 30, 2012 at 12:19 pm
I cried a little and then I thought to myself…
My god…there are so many dumb people who need to give me their money. I think I’ll start with pet hair. I got tons of that.
January 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm
Oh and my guess which I forgot…
The dildo shirt is the fake.
January 30, 2012 at 12:40 pm
If it’s fake, does that mean H&M can steal it with impunity?
January 30, 2012 at 1:51 pm
It’s real now, ’cause bronc is wearing it (in photoshop…)
January 30, 2012 at 10:06 pm
Hair from your pet, or hair for your customer to keep as a pet? Or will that be up to them?
January 30, 2012 at 12:19 pm
I so so so want the matchstick to be a real Etsy item.
January 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm
The matchstick is real… Search Etsy for it! *facepalm*
January 30, 2012 at 12:29 pm
NO WEBCHEATING.
January 30, 2012 at 12:59 pm
THEY CANNOT BE SERIOUS.
January 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm
hey no, no facepalms! it looks like they’ve made a cast of a burnt matchstick, so it’s totally sturdy. and i will tell you what. I WANT IT SO GODDAMN HARD, AND NOT EVEN IRONICALLY.
January 30, 2012 at 2:45 pm
There is also a flammable matchstick brooch on etsy.
Just what I need to add a little spark to those first dates!
January 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm
I love the angry woman.
January 30, 2012 at 1:57 pm
I love you, too.
January 30, 2012 at 12:19 pm
I’d bet that the rainwater is the fake, and everything else is real. Mostly because it’s the least wacky thing on here.
January 30, 2012 at 12:32 pm
I think the rainwater may be a print.
January 30, 2012 at 9:57 pm
I’m predicting the rainwater is intended as a potion ingredient for Wiccans.
January 30, 2012 at 12:19 pm
Dear god, please let it be the lipstick stencil.
January 30, 2012 at 1:19 pm
I believe it is, simply because I remember seeing it in a book about chindogu which are inventions that are meant to be utterly useless.
January 30, 2012 at 1:36 pm
Bingo!
Doing a thesis now the references that very book and it is indeed a picture from there.
Chindogu
January 30, 2012 at 6:19 pm
I went to chindogu.com. What a useless site!
January 30, 2012 at 1:54 pm
I believe you are right about that as well. First of all, it doesn’t address all of the different mouth sizes.
January 30, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Or the fact that no actual human has lips shaped like that.
January 30, 2012 at 2:32 pm
January 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm
I say the dildo shirt is the regretsy one, its the most in focus.
January 30, 2012 at 1:17 pm
I’ve seen similar shirts, but they’re usually pluralized.
January 30, 2012 at 12:21 pm
I’m guessing the matchstick brooch, just because it’s the only one without a misspelling.
January 30, 2012 at 1:09 pm
I had the same though. Sigh.
January 30, 2012 at 2:18 pm
That and I didn’t see a way to actually fasten it to anything else.
It is beautifully photographed, however.
If it is fake (for the moment), it won’t be soon. I have a box of matches in the house, and a camera.
January 30, 2012 at 12:21 pm
My guess is that the match one is fake. Its probably real and i will no longer have any scrap of hope for the future of humanity left. I will have a scrap of hope that I have some vodka left in the fridge though.
January 30, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Perhaps it’s time to stock up on the vodka.
January 30, 2012 at 12:21 pm
hm, maybe the eggs are fake?
January 30, 2012 at 12:21 pm
Lipstick: Etsy
Rain Water: Regretsy
Eggshells: Regretsy
Matchstick: Etsy
Dildo: Etsy
Cross Stitch: Regretsy
??
January 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Ooohhh, I missed the “at least” bit on my first read.
Public school graduate. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
January 30, 2012 at 12:22 pm
Egg shells. The English is too bad to be unintentional.
January 30, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Agreed. “Cafe olay” made me laugh out loud, as soon as I read it out loud to figure out what it meant.
I’m going to also guess the matchstick is Regretsy, but everything else is Etsy.
January 30, 2012 at 2:21 pm
See, that’s the beauty of this game. I think “cafe olay” is a totally plausible misspelling for someone who would sell eggshells as a crafting material. We’ve seen worse. Any of these could be a plausible Etsy listing.
January 30, 2012 at 12:22 pm
I’ll bite:
1) Etsy
2) Regretsy
3) Etsy
4) Etsy
5) Etsy
6) Etsy
The only reason I guessed rainwater as Regretsy is the spelling and punctuation was the closest to proper English.
January 30, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Yes, but it’s ostensibly being sold in England, where they still have a working knowledge of English. Also, they have lots of wiccans and druids and such. So I’m saying it’s really for sale on Etsy.
January 30, 2012 at 12:22 pm
Damn, this is going to be tough. They’re all so utterly craptacular. But I’m going to guess that because it has actual practical use, the lipstick stencil is the fake.
January 30, 2012 at 12:32 pm
I was going to say the lipstick is fake because of how stupid/useless/impractical it is… We are at an impass.
January 30, 2012 at 12:41 pm
I’m afraid so. I can’t keep up with you physically, and you’re no match for my brains.
January 30, 2012 at 1:14 pm
Incontheivable!
January 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm
Never go up against a Regretsian when death is on the line.
January 30, 2012 at 12:35 pm
See, and I was thinking the lipstick one had to be real, because personally, I wouldn’t be able to resist using a huge sponge dipped in red paint as the “lipstick” being used with a shield in the action photo.
Though I suppose if you live in an earthquake-prone area, or frequently have DTs (don’t we all?) it could occasionally be difficult to accurately aim something as small as a lipstick toward your own mouth (with or without the aid of a mirror).
January 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm
I think the Dildo shirt is the fake one. That’s just because it’s the most “normal” and not a literal piece of garbage being sold for a bazillion dollars.
January 30, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Now that I see “at least one” is from Regretsy, I’m going to add that the matchstick is your creation- it’s not photographed against barn wood.
January 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm
It’s either the matchstick or the T-Shirt. I’m leaning towards the matchstick.
January 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm
I’m going to go with Egg Shells, mostly because the photography style is a bit similar to other mock-etsy-listing photos put up on Regretsy
January 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Tell the word the dildo tshirt is fake. And I love that a guy is wearing it.
January 30, 2012 at 12:24 pm
Dildo shirt.. The wording beneath it gave it away. It smacks of someone “normal” trying too hard.
January 30, 2012 at 12:46 pm
I also think the crucifix might be regretsy, but only because I refuse to believe that someone on the internet is that stupid when trying to sell a pdf.
January 30, 2012 at 1:10 pm
You must be new around here…
January 30, 2012 at 2:30 pm
Welcome to our world.
January 30, 2012 at 12:24 pm
Oh, those are all etsy, not a doubt in my mind.
January 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm
Okay, I take it back. The rain water has to be Regresty. Right? RIGHT??
January 30, 2012 at 12:44 pm
I’m sure the rainwater is the only one that’s definitely ETSY. It’s so emo.
I really hope the matchstick is Etsy, too. Imagine–as you wear it, the burnt end flakes off charred wood and then, eventually, the head falls off. It’s wearable performance art!
January 30, 2012 at 12:57 pm
If rainwater is real, I want to know what vessel it has been collected in. I will tell the seller I would like it soaked into a super absorbent tampon.
January 30, 2012 at 1:05 pm
The vessel with the pestle.
January 30, 2012 at 2:20 pm
Not the chalice from the palace?
January 30, 2012 at 5:01 pm
January 30, 2012 at 5:02 pm
January 30, 2012 at 1:12 pm
I do believe that’s the “moon water” you’re wanting, then.
January 30, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Lipstick: Regretsy
Rain Water: Regretsy
Eggshells: Etsy
Matchstick: Etsy
Dildo: Etsy
Cross Stitch: Etsy
January 30, 2012 at 12:26 pm
I’m guessing the dildo shirt is fake. The others are so out there that they have to be real.
January 30, 2012 at 12:28 pm
OK, now that I’ve gone back and read the “at least” part, I’m going to revise my answers.
Lipstick stencil, match brooch, and Dildo shirt are Regretsies.
The rain water is real, I think, because I used to hang out with some kooky Wiccan sorts (hell for a while I was a kooky Wiccan sort) and that sounds like something they’d do. The eggshells and crucifix pattern are too unbelievably stupid to not be real, if that makes sense.
January 30, 2012 at 12:46 pm
Have to agree with you on the rainwater and the crucifix. And I’m realy disappointed that there isn’t a little stick figure of Christ on the cross.
January 30, 2012 at 12:51 pm
HA! Like an xkcd Jesus.
January 30, 2012 at 2:04 pm
Except slightly more reverent.
January 30, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I don’t have a good guess, but if the waste water people could get a hold of a nice 1992 vintage American Standard toilet tank water, I’d be all over that shit.
January 30, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I’m guessing the crucifix is fake because no self respecting crap seller would post THEIR ORIGINAL DESIGN as the picture, especially without at least adding a giant watermark.
January 30, 2012 at 12:49 pm
That is a very good point. On the other hand, their original design is two straight lines, so…ack, I’m stuck in a cycle of stupid!
January 30, 2012 at 12:30 pm
Vote 1 Dildo Shirt as Regretsy.
January 30, 2012 at 12:45 pm
I toyed with that one. I wouldn’t be surprised if an “I <3 dildos" shirt exists somewhere, but on a men's shirt? I know some men use dildos. I'm just not sure they have the same passion for them that women do.
January 30, 2012 at 12:47 pm
You toyed with it? (snicker, snicker, snort)
January 30, 2012 at 12:50 pm
That was actually an unintended pun.
January 30, 2012 at 12:30 pm
Wow,… the one I thought was fake is actually real.
January 30, 2012 at 12:30 pm
I was going with rain water, egg shells and match as Regretsy, but then I saw somebody mention the match being a real etsy item and now I’m flabbergasted. Seriously?!
Think the dildo shirt is real just because of the photoshop..
Also, that cross-stitch isn’t even a cross!
January 30, 2012 at 12:39 pm
And it’s surely not a crucifix either, since (and do correct me if I’m mistaken) a crucifix is by definition a cross with a dead guy still on it.
January 30, 2012 at 12:50 pm
Not necessarily. A crucifix can be a cross with a dying guy on it. We don’t have to wait for him to die before we call it a crucifix.
January 30, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Ohhhhhh I gotcha. Thanks for that clarification.
January 30, 2012 at 1:18 pm
I’m Brian! And so’s my wife!
January 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm
How bad is it that the majority of us are assuming that of the list, only one is regretsy, instead of it being a more even mix? I personally think every single one of these is etsy. If the I <3 Dildo shirt isn't etsy, it really needs to be.
January 30, 2012 at 1:05 pm
ScootyBeth I’m also a bit worried about people calling out others’ grammar when they assume that “at least one” means “exactly one”, but it’s just one of my downthumbable comments so I’m not working on it any farther.
January 30, 2012 at 2:12 pm
6eisha, that would be that you’re not woking on it any further, not farther. You mean to a greater degree of work, or extent of work (“I’m going to study fuckery further, for my Ph.D.”), not a distance (“I’ve been working out, so I’ll be able to throw THIS hipster at least six yards farther than I did the last.”).
You’re welcome.
January 30, 2012 at 3:00 pm
Aha! But on the other hand τα ελληνικά μου είναι καλύτερα απ’το μέσο όρο. Plus, I understood “at least” correctly. Too much work for a single day B)
January 30, 2012 at 3:21 pm
Ah, when one resorts to a foreign language that she is fairly certain the object of her wrath is not fluent in, she exhibits a high degree of immaturity and shallowness.
Congrats!
January 30, 2012 at 3:53 pm
All she said was that Greek is her main language. Thanks Google Translate!
January 30, 2012 at 3:57 pm
Do you live in Greece now, 6eisha?
If so, does Regretsy have much of a following there?
January 30, 2012 at 4:09 pm
Landcfan: If someone assumes that I don’t understand the language yet insists on using it, for whatever hollow sense of superiority it gives her, why should I spend any effort to translate it? I don’t care what a troll says, but I can’t resist showing one up.
I corrected her pompous and ungrammatical put-down of ScootyBeth’s post.
Sadly for her, if 6eisha wants to play the game, she’ll just have to play with herself.
January 30, 2012 at 4:14 pm
I thought she was agreeing with Scooty Beth. Did I misinterpret it?
January 30, 2012 at 4:52 pm
No, she was insulting ScootyBeth for ignoring “at least one is Regretsy.”
January 31, 2012 at 8:48 am
Wa wa, hold on Mugsy, I prefer to be thumbed down for my actual opinion.
*Of course* I agreed with ScootyBeth! Dozens of comments say “since it is only one, then the one made up by regretsy is…”.
I was really appalled by the frequency of this logical mistake, if even only a little bit, and was glad that someone gave voice to my concern.
Well, did this really need explaining?
Second, don’t judge by your own immaturity. Google translate wasn’t needed to get my point, which landcfan got for instance – namely that english is not my first language, so I don’t care much about my grammar mistakes, and that my comment was about reasoning mistakes after all (which I do care about :p). My intention was not to make anyone jealous of my use of other languages, but to point out that I’m not a native speaker of english (but as M.Kundera wrote, the author who repeats something implies that his readers are dumb, so I won’t say this for a third time).
January 31, 2012 at 8:54 am
landcfan unfortunately I don’t know of anyone else >:-( And I heard about it from an american living in Germany…
Btw originally I was thinking of something to specifically confuse google translate, like φτιάξε ένα μουνί στο κεφάλι σου και τράβα στα βουνά, but my polite self won. This is a translation of the most outrageous finnish insult we’ve learned so far
January 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm
Hmm..
Lip stencil – Etsy, and very handy for necrophiliac serial killers who want to dress up their date.
Rain water – Regretsy, but if not I would point out that the best rain is during a waning gibbous moon, not a full moon.
Eggshells – Regretsy, “shells shipped in bubble wrap…” is the giveaway
Burnt matchstick – Regretsy, though the $47 price does put it in the “Are you fucking kidding me?!?” pricing concepts so prevalent on Etsy.
Dildo shirt – Etsy, and I bet they sell surprisingly well
Crucifix – Etsy, so delusionally odd, so “wait a sec!, I can make money selling something even brain dead fucktards can figure out” it just screams out, sadly, “I’m real!”
January 30, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Wait, you expect the eggshells to just be tossed in a box?!?!?!?
I think they’re Etsy because the listing specifies a dozen, but the photograph shows many more (yes, I counted up the halves). I’ve seen so many listings of a great price for multiple items (such as skeins of yarn) only to discover, buried deep in the copy, that the listing is for just one.
January 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm
Match Stick Broach.
All others are totally Etsy.
January 30, 2012 at 12:32 pm
I’m going to guess the lipstick stencil, I <3 dildo and the match stick are the Regretsys.
I can totally believe the rest are etsy listings.
January 30, 2012 at 12:33 pm
I’d say the dildo belongs to Regretsy and all the other listings are from Etsy. But someone probably said it before, and I’m not playing by the rules…
January 30, 2012 at 12:34 pm
I call shenanigans on the “I Heart Dildo” iron-on and the burnt matchstick. Not because either would be unrealistic, but because everything else I’m pretty sure I have seen at some point.
January 30, 2012 at 12:53 pm
“I call shenanigans on the “I Heart Dildo” iron-on and the burnt matchstick. Not because either would be unrealistic, but because everything else I’m pretty sure I have seen at some point.”
and because you like to call shenanigans, too!
January 30, 2012 at 1:40 pm
And no, I cannot take credit for this image.
January 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm
shenanigans
January 30, 2012 at 2:10 pm
shenanigans
January 30, 2012 at 2:17 pm
(Replacing Tommy Lee Jones with Alan Rickman)
shenanigans
January 30, 2012 at 3:22 pm
Damnit, I can’t resist any longer. SHENINIGANS!!!!
January 30, 2012 at 3:23 pm
Sorry, I had “ninny” on the brain, after replying to a flounce above.
SHENANIGANS!!!
January 30, 2012 at 4:01 pm
Mugsy, are you referring to 6eisha, because that didn’t seem like a flounce to me, as she doesn’t appear to be leaving.
With that said, Mugsy, it is an honor to have you, one of Regretsy’s most prodigious and clever FJLs, reply to one of my posts! YAY!
January 30, 2012 at 4:13 pm
Landcfan, you’re making me blush!!!
Yes, I meant 6eisha. No, she’s not going away. It seemed as if she were flexing her flouncing muscles. No matter; she’s usually very easy to ignore.
January 30, 2012 at 6:25 pm
I called SHANANIGANS before it was cool! In 1965, to be precise.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvEwBI_u5Rw
January 31, 2012 at 9:00 am
Mugsy I’ve been flexing my flouncing muscles for a long time, actually I’ve played with the idea of changing my avatar to the “only sane person in the world” but sadly this will also appear on other sites. The thing is, I never considered this “flexing flouncing muscles”.
Now stop looking for bar fights and go leave your next half hour’s 50 comments per square inch, something good is bound to pop up from a couple of them.
January 30, 2012 at 12:34 pm
The lipstick stencil is Regretsy.
The rest are etsy.
January 30, 2012 at 1:09 pm
If it’s Regretsy then I bet someone is already preparing some dozens of it for the shop while at least four others are making samplers as we speak.
January 30, 2012 at 12:35 pm
I have seen the lipstick stencil before so I know that is etsy… as for the rest. the rainwater seems like something someone on etsy would sell(expensive to ship though!) and the I <3 dildo shirt looks etsy
January 30, 2012 at 12:35 pm
Just the shirt is fake.
January 30, 2012 at 12:36 pm
I’ll vote for the eggshells.
January 30, 2012 at 12:37 pm
I reckon they’re all real, and then I’ll have to go and pour myself a fresh gin and weep into it for all humanity
January 30, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Do not cry for humanity, rejoice for gin.
Silver linings and all that.
January 30, 2012 at 1:22 pm
Tonic or vermouth in the gin, not salt water!
January 30, 2012 at 12:39 pm
The cross stitch pattern is spelled too well to be a real etsy listing. However, you have probably put in fake typos in all the fake listings, you cheeky bitch.
January 30, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Going with eggshells and cross-stitch as Regretsy.
January 30, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Dildo shirt has to be Regretsy. It’ll be Etsy by the end of the week though.
January 30, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Rain water and storm water are all well and good, but what about some firewater?
January 30, 2012 at 2:03 pm
is well water just good?
January 30, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Hipsters, beware! It’s a trap. If you guess all six correctly, it will label you as having a finely-tuned kitsch detector. Thus, the probability that you are a hipster, and thus unfit for society, is too high to allow you to remain on this mortal plain. The powers-that-be will send you a poison mustache ring, and since more than likely you’re a hipster, you will feel compelled to hold it up to your nose. Thus inhaling a deadly poison, and your death will not be ironic…..
Actually, come to think of it, if it really is a trap and hipsters fall for it, then there will be less hipsters.
So ignore my previous warning and guess away. And by the way, mustache rings are cool….
January 30, 2012 at 12:41 pm
I’m going with the dildo tshirt.
January 30, 2012 at 12:41 pm
I was going to say Matchstick pin before it was outed above. Now I’m going with eggshells because of the line about bubblewrap to prevent breakage (when they are already broken)and the derp “cafe olay”. It seems very April.
January 30, 2012 at 12:43 pm
The only thing that doesn’t scream “ETSY” to me is the matchstick.
January 30, 2012 at 12:47 pm
D’oh! I was wrong.
January 30, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Ok, seriously, are there no newfs on this board?
Dildo is a place. (Dildo Run to be exact)
http://www.env.gov.nl.ca/env/parks/parks/p_dr/index.html
I still call shenanigans on that one though, if it said do you love dildo I’d have given it a pass, but it says do you love YOUR… the rest are all far too plausible.
January 30, 2012 at 12:43 pm
I couldn’t get past the ‘cafe olay’ in the eggshell title. FOR FUCK’S SAKE IF YOU CAN’T SPELL IT AT LEAST DO A SEARCH AND LET GOOGLE CORRECT IT FOR YOU, YOU MOUTHBREATHING SIMPLETON.
(this angry message is brought to you by someone who speaks French)
[also, I tried that search and Google did, in fact, correct it]
January 30, 2012 at 12:45 pm
I’ve used Olay beauty products for years. DON’T HATE THE OLAY.
January 30, 2012 at 12:49 pm
But was there coffee in it?
January 30, 2012 at 2:11 pm
Hey, if there was I might actually buy that overpriced crap.
Or I might not. Coffee you can’t drink is up there with chocolate you can’t eat in my book.
January 30, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Would-be-ETA: Pitchforks will be shelved if revealed that it’s a joke listing and the spelling is meant to mock. Because I can’t even tell you how fucking tired I am of what some English-speakers* do to a language I love. You bastards.
(*yeah, I’m throwing you in there, too, Britain. And you, Canada.)
January 30, 2012 at 12:53 pm
People don’t enter a search for a word when they’re sure they’re spelling it correctly.
January 30, 2012 at 1:06 pm
Wah-lah!
January 30, 2012 at 1:52 pm
So I can only assume that this person has never been inside a coffee bar or anywhere else serving coffee beyond drip, nor seen paint chip samples in a creamy brownish-beige, nor seen several common varieties of coffee-flavoured milk chocolate, nor even had the popular International Delights insta-’coffee’ in their entire lives. Because then they’d know ‘Olay’ is a brand of skin care products.
January 30, 2012 at 2:35 pm
Maybe you’re totally overthinking it and it was a carefully crafted derp by Helen.
January 30, 2012 at 12:43 pm
They are all so believable as being really from Etsy. I think they are all Etsy except for the lipstick one.
January 30, 2012 at 12:44 pm
1. I bet the lipstick stencil is wither a fake or a reseller ripoff. I swear I’ve seen such a thing before, and the photos look like stock photos.
2. The rainwater is too fucking priceless to be fake. PLEASE let it be real.
3. Eggshells–see my sentiments on #2.
4. Burnt matchstick brooch seems so very implausible–I just don’t see how you’d actually make such a thing. That gets my best vote for Regretsy fake.
5. The only reason I want to say that it’s a fake is that it’s on a Men’s shirt. Of course, then I would think it’s real for the same reason.
6. The cross-stitch pattern must be real. It’s just a gimme.
We’ll see just how wrong I am.
January 30, 2012 at 12:45 pm
I’m guessing that the Regresty offerings are the eggshells (mainly because of the misspelling of “au lait” to “olay”) and the dildo shirt (because I’m not sure there’s enough fairy dust to be an Etsy shirt).
January 30, 2012 at 12:46 pm
I think they’re all Etsy but the dildo shirt.
January 30, 2012 at 12:48 pm
Oh, please be real, Crucifix Cross Stitch Pattern!
January 30, 2012 at 12:48 pm
i’m thinking eggshells are regretsy because it beautifully captures all things etsy … the ignorance (cafe “olay”), the arrogance ($12?! i pay $5 for a dozen free range eggs from my local farmer which INCLUDES shipping and figuring in my own labor for cracking them, i’m still under their asking price), the typos, the suggestion of using someone else’s trash in your food/beverage, and the unintended irony (bubble wrap!). a masterpiece to be sure.
January 30, 2012 at 12:48 pm
I want to say everything but the eggshells is made up, but I fear I would be extremely wrong. Nice job, Helen and Bronc, on matching the Etsy vibe so well. I’m not sure that’s a compliment, though I intended it to be.
January 30, 2012 at 12:48 pm
Because I still have some faith in humankind, I’m going to guess that…
Lipstick guide: Etsy
Rain Water: Regretsy
Eggshells: Regretsy
Matchstick: Etsy
T-shirt: Etsy
Cross Stitch: Regretsy
January 30, 2012 at 12:51 pm
I’m not even certain I want to play because I’m too tempted to attempt some knock-off sales.
January 30, 2012 at 12:51 pm
I love that we totally can’t agree on this.
January 30, 2012 at 12:51 pm
I’ll play along, it’s like Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me for FJLs! Woo! I’m going total WAG (that’s Wild Ass Guess) because they’re all believable. Regretsy: Moon Water, Eggshells, and Crucifix pattern. All others are Etsy.
January 30, 2012 at 12:57 pm
Ooh, I LOVE Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me!!! Did you hear this weekend’s episode with the children’s book author who won the Newberry for his story of being a drug smuggler? No joke—well, there were a lot of jokes, but the author was really funny.
January 30, 2012 at 1:02 pm
Ha, no I missed it! Guess I’ll find that segment online, that sounds as ridonkulous as these items!
January 30, 2012 at 12:51 pm
Cross Stitch Pattern is Regretsy because of the restriction on selling finished items.
NO ONE COULD BE THAT CRAZY.
January 30, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Matchstick brooch is fake!
The title is indented.
January 30, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Sence yuo dont spel nuthin rong I bett teh aggshulls ar th ony oen frum Esty.
January 30, 2012 at 12:58 pm
The eggshells in the colors of soft brown and cafe olay?
January 30, 2012 at 12:55 pm
I’m going to say the eggshells are the fake post, only because “mosaic” is spelled correctly in the title.
January 30, 2012 at 12:55 pm
I’m going to go with the rainwater, only because it’s the one listing that is in GBP, all the others are priced in USD. Only thing is that the rainwater seems the most obvious choice because it’s just too ridiculous, all the others seem like things you are very likely to see on Etsy.
January 30, 2012 at 2:22 pm
But… it rains so much in Englandia
January 30, 2012 at 12:55 pm
One of these is not like the others!
Lipstick stencil guide has the side photos. To me that smacks of someone snorting into their gin while concocting a face listing–couldn’t resist putting in the extra photos she thought of. Plus it’s too much like the mustache stencil, while being a little more useless.
I feel like I have to try to pick other fakes, because she would have had so much fun coming up with them…but the others all look so real! I think she wouldn’t have gone to $47 with the matchstick–either lower or higher would have been more likely for a fake. And I don’t think the crucifix cross stitch can be fake either–I think she’d have made a better-looking cross. Beyond that, you got me…
January 30, 2012 at 12:58 pm
“Crucifix” cross stitch pattern has to be Regretsy, just because of the quotation marks on crucifix. Those wee marks are an acknowledgment that it is not actually a crucifix, and that is way too self-aware for Etsy.
I’m going to guess the rainwater is a real Etsy offering, not because anything in the ad gives it away, just because I really, really want it to be real.
As for the rest, I have no idea, any and all of them could be on Etsy. I pray the lipstick stencil is real, though, because that is absolutely amazing.
January 30, 2012 at 12:58 pm
Lips: Etsy
Eggs: Regretsy
Matchstick: Regretsy
Dildo: Etsy
Crucifix: Etsy
Water: CAN’T DECIDE
But in any case someone has done some spectacular work faking etsianspeak for the Regretsy ones.
January 30, 2012 at 1:25 pm
GOD! I searched on Etsy and I’m blind now. Although it could have _definitely_ been worse.
Also, I can’t exclude some of the items been taken down already.
January 30, 2012 at 12:59 pm
I’m sure the match is real. Not sure about the rest.
January 30, 2012 at 12:59 pm
Dildo shirt has to be Regretsy-everything else not so much.
My reasoning is that it looks like a Zazzle model.
January 30, 2012 at 1:04 pm
I’m gonna guess the I <3 Dildo shirt is Regretsy, because it looks 'shopped. I can tell by the pixels and I've seen quite a few 'shops in my time.
January 30, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Okay, without having checked Etsy to confirm my suspicions, I’m betting the eggshells and matchstick are Regretsy, and all others are real.
January 30, 2012 at 1:07 pm
As clothing the shirt serves a purpose therefore it is most likely not from etsy.
January 30, 2012 at 1:08 pm
the only one i doubt is the matchstick. please, please let that be fake!
January 30, 2012 at 1:09 pm
Fakes: eggshells (c’mon, in the coffee? ewwww), rain water.
EVERYTHING else is totally credible.
And just for the record, I was saying vee eye etsy password before etsy was a stain on its momma’s cupcake wrappers.
January 30, 2012 at 1:09 pm
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say they’re ALL Regretsy. A bold move I know. Just call me reckless!
January 30, 2012 at 1:18 pm
Ok, who’s gonna paste the “you must be new here” pic first?
January 30, 2012 at 1:27 pm
I said it was a bold move! (Or a cowardly one, depends on how you look at it)!
January 30, 2012 at 1:31 pm
She said at least one item came from each site…
January 30, 2012 at 1:10 pm
I am gonna say Dildo tee is Regretsy… everything else is too likely to make it to Etsy front page to NOT be on there.
I really need to down-grade my own shop to start getting some sales….!
January 30, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Oh my, I’m often on here, happily reading, but this made me giggle so much that I just had to pitch a guess in. The egg shells make me think of an old joke of a guy selling apple pips for $5 “because they make you clever” – after chewing it, the buyer says “Sh*t, I could have bought several apples for that money!” – “See, it’s working already!” – Please, please tell me nobody spends $12 on a dozen egg shells (plus shipping???). And yes, I too *need* the cross stitch pattern to be real, for my own personal Nirvana
))
January 30, 2012 at 1:15 pm
The eggshells seem too dumb, even for the morons who buy shit on Etsy, but I’m guessing the rest of it is actually for sale.
January 30, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Masaics, proejcts, inro scrapbooking, added to coffee grinds, shipped individually in bubble wrap, and breakige.
Those eggs were used for deep frying latke-battered, sausage-bottomed cupcakes over the holidays.
January 30, 2012 at 1:19 pm
I was so taken aback by the matchstick that I forgot about “cafe olay”, “free range egg shells”, and of course, “soft brown.”
January 30, 2012 at 1:56 pm
Yeah but you can see that someone has carefully washed all the shells. They haven’t baked them to dry them, so they’d probably be mailing some lucky buyer a box of salmonella to brew their coffee through, but I think these are probably a legit item for sale.
January 30, 2012 at 1:18 pm
All I know for sure is that “dildo” is spelled incorrectly. It should be, “Deeeeeldeau”
January 30, 2012 at 1:19 pm
I was going to guess the burnt match brooch was the fake here, but then upon reading the description, that sounds way too pretentious to have been made up. Gah.
I want to HOPE that the eggshells are fake, but I dunno, I would belive them being real.
Really, everything here is the kind of stuff we are used to seeing on Regretsy. But Im going to guess the Rainwater is fake, just because it seems TOO real.
January 30, 2012 at 1:22 pm
I’m going to guess that the eggshells are the regretsy item… there are so many obvious misspellings that it just screams “parody” to me…
Possibly the cross-stitch pattern as well, multiple pages of instructions for a double row of stitches, among other clues…
That’s just my $0.02
January 30, 2012 at 1:22 pm
I’m going to guess that the eggshells are the regretsy item… there are so many obvious misspellings that it just screams “parody” to me…
Possibly the cross-stitch pattern as well, multiple pages of instructions for a double row of stitches, among other clues…
That’s just my $0.02
January 30, 2012 at 1:27 pm
note to self:
Do NOT double-click the “Post Comment” button…
January 30, 2012 at 1:27 pm
I don’t know if anyone’s pointed this out yet, but the last one is NOT a crucifix. If it has an image of a crucified Christ, THEN it’s a crucifix. Otherwise it’s just a cross. If that’s a real listing then the person who put it up really needs to go to a library and do some studying.
January 30, 2012 at 1:29 pm
I noticed that as well, not to mention the crossbar being too low for a christian cross, but that makes it more believable as an Etsy item, thus telling me it’s a fake.
January 30, 2012 at 2:03 pm
I love the way your logic works.
January 30, 2012 at 1:31 pm
April…are you going to tell us which is which?
January 30, 2012 at 1:32 pm
I really WANT to say that the lipstick stencil is Regretsy, but then I think about Jersey Shore.
January 30, 2012 at 1:35 pm
I wish they were all fake, but think (hope) that the eggshells and matchstick brooch are…
January 30, 2012 at 1:45 pm
I was astonished that the correct answer was NOT kayawkay’s already ruined vagina, NOR was it Rev. Back It On Up 13′s phantom virginity! Through my amazing powers to sense bullshitery it is that incredibly worthwhile crucifix! (I mean, who could actually layout their own cross pattern?) Well, rethinking it all over again now, it could be the egg shells. Or the other stuff too, so I guess that even if any of us really did guess right, all these things remain completely worthy of of regretsying if actually purchased.
January 30, 2012 at 2:03 pm
There _is_ one of us who did guess right (as far as I can see on etsy, that is).
January 30, 2012 at 1:52 pm
If the cross stitch pattern is for real, someone needs to kneecap the seller. WTF? “Pattern is for personal use only. You may not sell finished cross stitching items.” Am I reading this wrong? I buy the pattern (being the pious, religious woman that I am), make a cross cross-stitch, and then can’t sell the finished product? Yeah, right. God Bless you too, hon. I call bullshit.
January 30, 2012 at 2:06 pm
Never mind that you could copy it off the photo of the pattern in the listing. Or just, you know, stitch two perpindicular lines on a piece of cloth. There’s that.
January 30, 2012 at 1:54 pm
Having searched Etsy (*AFTER* I made my guesses above), I’m pretty sure that I now know the answer, but are you going to update us later?
January 30, 2012 at 1:54 pm
The rainwater is nice, but really pushing the snob factor as anything more than a desktop background. Also Dildo shirt, there are friends who I would give it to.
January 30, 2012 at 1:58 pm
I’m going with the eggshells, because of the herp derp, though Helen is a clever bitch who could have produced said derp just to throw us off.
Clearly it should read “Cafe? Olé!”
January 30, 2012 at 2:07 pm
I mean to say that I think it’s real, even though I know at least one other to be real as well.
January 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm
Here are my guesses
Etsy:
Lipstick Guide
Rainwater
I<3 Dildo t-shirt
x-stitch pattern
Regretsy:
Eggshells (only because of the "shipped in bubblewrap" line)
Matchstick (because of the "just utter nothing")
January 30, 2012 at 2:00 pm
I’m going with the match. Oddly it makes the most sense that it’s NOT on Etsy… but watch me be wrong. I’ve been wrong before.
January 30, 2012 at 2:01 pm
I’m guessing the only fakes are the eggshells. Those eggshells scream “weekend brunch” to me.
Sadly, none of it would actually surprise me as be a real etsy item.
January 30, 2012 at 2:02 pm
Here’s my guess
Lipstick stencil: fake (regretsy)
Rainwater: real (etsy)
Eggshells: real (etsy) too many spelling goofs to be fake
Matchstick: fake (regretsy) I can’t see the pin, if it is a brooch
Dildo shirt: real (etsy)
Cross stitch pattern: fake (regretsy) As a designer of cross stitch patterns, I hope no one would be that stupid to pay for that!
January 30, 2012 at 2:13 pm
cross stitch pattern, I have more faith in my fellow man’s stupidity than you I guess.
January 30, 2012 at 2:03 pm
Well, I know the eggshells are Regretsy — I remember seeing the ‘shop on one of the Regretsy Advent Calendar posts. The rest?
I hate to say I wouldn’t be surprised even a little bit to find out they’re all real Etsy listings.
January 30, 2012 at 2:12 pm
#4 is suspicious, only because it appears correctly spelled. But no one should trust me on spelling. I find nothing to suspect in the others.
January 30, 2012 at 2:16 pm
I think the cross stitch pattern is the only one that isn’t actually on Etsy. Although, they all do look like something you’d find on there and I’m really just taking a wild guess.
January 30, 2012 at 2:20 pm
Etsy: dildo shirt, rainwater, lipstick guide
Regretsy: cross stitch pattern, eggshells, brooch.
January 30, 2012 at 2:36 pm
All right. My guesses are:
Regretsy: Lip stencil, eggshells, dildo shirt.
Etsy: Rain water, matchstick, cross stitch
January 30, 2012 at 3:04 pm
What am I looking at? Yes, I’m looking at your avatar, but what am I looking at?
January 30, 2012 at 2:36 pm
Clearly the I love dildo tshirt is fake. If it was a real etsy listing, there would be dirty hippie vagina somewhere in the picture. BTW: no one wants the virginity of fat, jealous losers.
January 30, 2012 at 2:38 pm
If I had to pick one to be fake I think I’ll go for the shirt…. or the matchstick brooch maybe…
January 30, 2012 at 2:41 pm
dildo shirt and match are fake
More IMPORTANTLY
I thought I saw Bronc in an elevater in Fort Worth this weekend. Was it you Bronc??
January 30, 2012 at 2:42 pm
They are all so completely believable. Not one of them scream fake to me! If I was being threatened with a tattooed mustache on an index finger pointed at me, I’d guess the rainwater was the fake. Do people actually use the word “decant” on a day to day basis?
January 30, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Ok I’m going to go with the matchstick is fake because the photography is too good and the description sounds a little too smart to be from etsy
January 30, 2012 at 2:45 pm
Although the picture is different.
January 30, 2012 at 2:47 pm
Whoops, this was a reply to a post that’s no longer there. Continue with your regularly scheduled fuckery.
January 30, 2012 at 3:03 pm
Please say the cross stitch pattern is fake. Because a little part of me (the bit that isn’t drunk yet & it’s not quite 10am) still wants to believe people can’t be that stupid. Oh wait…what am I saying…it must be real.
I’m going to go with eggshells. $1 an eggshell? Pffft. For that price I’d be expecting free range eggs hand delivered by specially trained yaks from the mountains of Peru. Wearing steampunk mustaches.
January 30, 2012 at 3:13 pm
Oh Jesus, this is WAY too difficult!
January 30, 2012 at 3:47 pm
Oh Sister, so very difficult indeed.
January 30, 2012 at 3:19 pm
Lipstick: Etsy
Rain Water: Etsy
Eggshells: Regretsy
Matchstick: Regretsy
Dildo: Etsy
Cross Stitch: Regretsy
January 30, 2012 at 3:21 pm
With a sore brain from the wealth of convincing points and counterpoints above: the eggshells and the cross pattern are Regretsy, the rest from Etsy. Eh?
January 30, 2012 at 3:47 pm
Honestly, I can’t decide. Maybe the pattern and rainwater are fakes? I can see any one of these being real listings.
January 30, 2012 at 5:00 pm
It’s not rainwater if you put it in crystal and set it out to absorb the power of the moon. Idiots! It’s moonwater. Gah, newbs.
January 30, 2012 at 5:06 pm
I say that Helen tried to trick us with the misspellings on the eggs shells – and that she’s too lazy to make a t-shirt, or an eye mask with grommets on it. 0.o Oh snap, did I just type that? Keyboard gremlins…I call shenanigans on em!
I think the rain water ad might also be Regretsy.
January 30, 2012 at 6:36 pm
My vote goes that all of the items are Regretsy, aside from the matchstick brooch.
No doubt others are real, but are they on Etsy is the question.