The Handmade Tail
This post first appeared on Regretsy on February 11, 2011
Last December, I asked you to predict the hottest Etsy trends of 2011.
You came up with some astonishingly good ideas, like flannel hot pants with detachable dinosaur heads, mammy-patterned menstrual pads and of course, gloves that are just fingers.
But if you look carefully at the list of write-in suggestions, you’ll notice something else.
Oh, it was funny all right. But it was just a silly joke! No one would ever actually make such a thing.
Or would they?
Butt plug – human hair
This is a unique piece made as part of a “wedding gift”. A girlfriend gave us her hair shortly after her wedding. She wanted it turned into a flogger. He was enchanted with her offering and decided to take it a step further. We turned her gorgeous locks into a butt plug for his “filly”; to complete the look.
Isn’t that beautiful? It’s like that old Christmas story; she sold her hair to buy him a buttplug, and he sold his ass to buy her a comb.
The hand-turned butt plug is of canary wood. The hair was inserted and sealed into the plug. If you would like to offer you own hair for this or similar products, just give us a call.
Yes, it looks like you people have done it again. True, it’s not on Etsy. But there’s always Monday.
It just goes to show you that whatever ridiculous shit you can think of, someone else is already working on it. And when they’re done, they’re going to stick it up their ass.
January 29, 2012 at 4:39 pm
Ass plugs for men. I’m not only the owner, I’m also a client.
January 29, 2012 at 4:55 pm
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January 29, 2012 at 5:58 pm
I’d love to see your business cards!
…
You don’t put THOSE in your ass, too, do you?
January 29, 2012 at 4:48 pm
Gives a “hole” new meaning to “Having a wild hair up your ass”
January 29, 2012 at 4:56 pm
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January 29, 2012 at 4:55 pm
the gay man in me is like “mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm butt plug!” the horse in me is like “YAY A TAI”L… but the practical human part of me is like “owwie… anal splinters!”
January 29, 2012 at 6:05 pm
Strictly ornamental we hope.
Tree Wood and pelvic orifices DON’T mix, people.
Just needs some glitter glue for the full nolle prosequi to be issued.
January 29, 2012 at 10:50 pm
Anal Splinters = good band name.
January 30, 2012 at 4:31 am
I live in Austin, TX, the live music capital of the world… and the likelihood of that already having happened is extremely high. Now playing at Emos… ANAL SPLINTERS followed by Gang Rape Dolly and Dentata Traviata.
January 30, 2012 at 8:27 am
awww. I miss Liberty Lunch.
January 29, 2012 at 4:56 pm
human hair buttplug – $100
quality lube – $20
watching your spouse open her gift at the reception… priceless
January 29, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Realizing it got mixed up with a gift for the bridesmaids.. awkward.
January 29, 2012 at 6:51 pm
Explaining to your mom that it’s not a faux ponytail and convincing her to stop trying to strap it to her head…unforgettable.
January 29, 2012 at 7:12 pm
The moment her dad asks you for a link.. Nauseating.
January 29, 2012 at 7:20 pm
Not the woody I was expecting for sex (and not in the right place either)
January 30, 2012 at 12:35 pm
You jest, but it probably speaks fairly ill of my and my family in general (not inaccurately) that whilst I happily soil myself belly laughing at just about every Regretsy post, it’s usually only the exposed-balls underwear and faux animal tail butt-plug links I email along to my dad.
January 30, 2012 at 5:35 am
The word “ponytail” had completely innocuous connotations to me. This is no loger the case.
January 29, 2012 at 7:01 pm
Explaining to future daughter that the rest of Wooden Barbie is somewhere around here….
January 29, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Do we know who came up with this idea for a new trend? I’d like to have that person pick up some lottery numbers for me.
How on earth could someone see this coming without being psychic?
I know this is a repost of an older idea…but still, I am impressed.
January 29, 2012 at 5:22 pm
that pucker is going to slam shut at the tiny base of that thing and without a graduation of width to back it out again, the trip to the ER is going to be interesting.
January 29, 2012 at 7:44 pm
No doubt it will be re-homed in the ‘Ass Box’, (every good ER should have one) and will join all the other bizarre shit people seem to ‘accidentally’ fall on to sphincter first while dusting the curtain pole naked.
January 29, 2012 at 8:10 pm
Once upon a time on the internet, there lived a site called UFO (Unidentified Foreign Objects). It was the home of many wonderous x-rays of the shit people inserted into their anuses.
A half full Suave bottle (yes, you could see the label along with the liquid contents). A Maglight that was on. Curling brushes, D cell batteries, and a whole lot more.
Doing a search, I found this site:
http://www.well.com/~cynsa/newbutt.html
And lo and behold, they have “The April Winchell Collection.” Why am I not surprised?
January 29, 2012 at 8:20 pm
I worked in a military hospital, so couple the embarrassment factor of the general public with complete humiliation of trying to explain how that “doorknob”, “butane curling iron…luckily in the “off” position”, or “Half Full Beer Bottle” got THERE.
I’ve seen those X-Rays
January 29, 2012 at 8:35 pm
They should sell OOAK ass x-rays on Etsy. Hell, I’d buy ‘em!
January 29, 2012 at 8:37 pm
So would I. Great conversation pieces.
January 29, 2012 at 9:58 pm
Conversation: Why do you have ass x-rays?
January 29, 2012 at 10:10 pm
The same reason Metallica had a shot of semen on their Load album cover; because it’s cool.
January 29, 2012 at 10:31 pm
“Whether I’m right or whether I’m wrong
Whether I find a place in this world or never belong
I gotta be meeee, I’ve gotta be me
What else can I be but what I am”
January 30, 2012 at 8:04 am
@Scampelinaa: Now I’m hearing Sammy Davis Jr. singing that…imagining another way to make his eye pop out.
January 30, 2012 at 8:17 am
January 30, 2012 at 5:45 pm
On that “newbutt” page, I kinda want to know how the gun got So High Up…and then again, I don’t want to know. Not at all.
January 29, 2012 at 5:23 pm
Oh these are used in..what the hell is it called…I think pony play? Horse play? Something like that. Made up of people who dress up and behave like horses, they wear shoes that are made to leave hoofprints and saddles and whatnot. Major fetish following for it too.
January 29, 2012 at 6:41 pm
Yup, Pony Play. They have horse hair butt plugs like this too. Bridles, saddles, the “riders” or “trainers” have riding crops…it’s one of the bigger, better known fetishes out there. And yes, the base of the plug itself is usually made out of wood, rubber, sometimes silicone, glass, or plastic. Oh yes, glass.
There’s also Puppy Play and Kitty Play…let your mind go where it will on that one.
January 29, 2012 at 7:30 pm
The commenting section on this site has taught me so much about everything.
Well, mostly just about sex.
But same difference, isn’t it?
January 29, 2012 at 5:23 pm
I would buy it jut to paint the plug to look like Kim Kardashian.
January 29, 2012 at 5:24 pm
“just” — Freudian slit.
January 29, 2012 at 6:58 pm
And this one was even better than the last.
January 29, 2012 at 5:27 pm
“She sold her hair to buy him a buttplug, and he sold his ass to buy her a comb.”
Somehow, you made that sound so full of wisdom. You’d make a great high school English teacher, April, but I’m glad you do what you do instead.
Although, I dunno… Now I can’t get the idea of a Regretsy English class out of my head. Regressay? If that existed, and I was in that class… I would have actually read Pride and Prejudice.
(Okay, that’s a lie. I read it anyway. And I liked it, if you want the honest truth. But sometimes I like to pretend that I was ever cool.)
January 29, 2012 at 5:31 pm
Actually, I’m not all that surprised. Maybe I’ve watched too many episodes of Strange Sex…
January 29, 2012 at 5:32 pm
Human hair?
meh. A butt plug wedding gift?meh. A wooden handle? Now that’s something I can stand. That is going to be a sanctuary for some pretty nasty bacteria.January 29, 2012 at 5:48 pm
I would buy this; but my last one I bought cost me 58 stitches when my cat attacked it.
January 29, 2012 at 7:04 pm
Yeah, my moonlit romp through the neighbour’s field wasn’t such a brilliant idea either.
January 29, 2012 at 7:33 pm
That was you??? WTF! (My grandmother says hi.)
January 30, 2012 at 8:07 am
Were you wearing it at the time? Yes, I DO have to ask!
January 30, 2012 at 8:08 am
Just read your post again. Forget I said anything. I haven’t had any coffee yet.
January 29, 2012 at 5:50 pm
Aside from the splinter factor, isn’t wood a porous material? Not a good choice for an object to be inserted into your ass, unless it has one hell of a coat of lacquer on it.
On second thought, that really doesn’t make things any better. I wonder if the folks at the Home Depot have any suggestions?
January 29, 2012 at 6:54 pm
I’m gonna buy just to go in and ask them.
January 29, 2012 at 5:55 pm
These things always look like doorknobs to me. Why not just take a doorknob and shove it up your ass? And for free!
You can just take some Gorilla Glue and some hair from a comb you use pretty often and VOILA! Same thing.
DIY Buttplugs.
January 29, 2012 at 6:07 pm
“DIY Buttplugs”: A reality television show whose moment rapidly approaches.
OR
“Lost in the Kardashians”
January 29, 2012 at 6:49 pm
My last landlady wouldn’t return my deposit for that very reason.
January 29, 2012 at 8:24 pm
You sat – when you should have shat.
January 29, 2012 at 6:40 pm
I must say I am impressed by the high level of butt plug knowledge in this group.
January 29, 2012 at 8:48 pm
*wink, wink*
January 30, 2012 at 3:17 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ona-RhLfRfc
January 29, 2012 at 6:42 pm
The mundanity is killing me. Now, if they’d attached some dentures or a glass eye or an octopus tentacle or a stuffed gerbil or something interesting on the plug, then I’d be impressed.
January 29, 2012 at 6:43 pm
He didn’t give up his ass…he gave up hers. It says it was made for “his ‘filly’” and thus…he decided no, she’s not getting a flogger, I want you to make something to shove up her ass instead!!
What a lasting relationship.
January 29, 2012 at 6:44 pm
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January 29, 2012 at 6:45 pm
I am still waiting for someone to produce midget amputee clown porn.
January 29, 2012 at 6:57 pm
And in my quest to research for you, I have now watched more midget porn in 12 minutes than I have in 37 years.
January 29, 2012 at 7:03 pm
Yes, but did you find midget amputee clown porn?
I know that rule 34 says that I must make it. I just dont know any amputee midgets who like to dress up as clowns.
January 29, 2012 at 7:39 pm
It’s easier to make a midget an amputee than the other way around…well, until you go to jail for assault of some kind. But you would have your midget amputee porn story to share with all of the inmates.
January 29, 2012 at 7:00 pm
Do not taunt the internet into going all Rule 34 on us!
January 29, 2012 at 6:48 pm
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January 29, 2012 at 6:52 pm
Can they make it look like a fox tail too? I seem to remember that sexy shaman with a cockring painting someone sent HK a while back.
January 29, 2012 at 7:00 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/77022211/red-fawx-tail-with-small-plug-mature?ref=sr_gallery_1&sref=&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=fox+tail+butt+plug&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_ship_to=US&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade
January 29, 2012 at 7:20 pm
Im getting married soon; I need to somehow incorporate this piece into my special day.
January 29, 2012 at 7:23 pm
January 29, 2012 at 7:28 pm
well shit, let me try that again…I am trying our Pixlr, and it’s not a reliable saver.
January 29, 2012 at 7:29 pm
PS, every once in a while, the preview button vanishes on replies (not posts). Not making that up.
January 29, 2012 at 7:01 pm
Surely, gentles, you have read the immortal works of A. N. Roquelaure?
January 29, 2012 at 7:40 pm
The 5th! I plead the 5th..Oh god, please don’t remind me how much of the fifth I plead!
January 30, 2012 at 8:13 am
Did you mean to type “gentiles”?
In either case, I can use “immortal” to describe Anne Rice’s works along with the Twilight series—Attrocious. Books. That. Just. Won’t. Go. Away.
January 29, 2012 at 7:04 pm
why did Willow Smith come to mind when i saw this?
WHY?
January 30, 2012 at 4:22 am
Willow Smith + Shakira = “I whip my hair back & forth” by shaking my hips!
January 29, 2012 at 7:15 pm
January 29, 2012 at 10:02 pm
Now I’m humming “Do you believe in love?” and dancing in fishnets. Thanks.
January 30, 2012 at 8:13 am
I hope they’re the fishnets that show off that tattoo on your tush!
January 29, 2012 at 7:20 pm
And they make a fun *POP* sound when you pull them out.
January 30, 2012 at 8:15 am
If the hair had been made into a flogger, it would have made a nice SNAP! sound.
If this butt plug is used to energetically, you’ll achieve the CRACKLE! sound. (*shudder*)
January 29, 2012 at 7:23 pm
Was there ever a predictions for 2012 post?
January 29, 2012 at 7:37 pm
“If you would like to offer you own hair for this or similar products, just give us a call.”
I had been growing my hair to donate it for wigs for kids with cancer. Now I’m torn.
January 29, 2012 at 7:53 pm
Yeah, it’s a coin-toss.
January 30, 2012 at 4:23 am
Shape of that plug, I’m guessing only a proffesional wouldn’t get torn.
January 29, 2012 at 7:55 pm
It’s Log Log, it’s big, it’s hairy it’s (bacteria infested) WOOD!
It’s Log Log, it’s better than bad, it’s STAPH!
January 29, 2012 at 8:45 pm
“Cynthia, this handle on this duster is dirty!”
*produces a hanky, spits on the hanky*
“Mommmmm! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!”
“What honey?”
“Never mind”.
January 29, 2012 at 8:48 pm
I would like to see the permed or dreded versions!
January 30, 2012 at 4:24 am
Dreads, wtf, this thing won’t get dirty & smelly enough the way it is?
January 29, 2012 at 9:41 pm
My problem with this is she wanted a flogger made from her hair, not a butt plug. The customer did not get what they wanted. I bet she felt cheated. That would be like if I took in material to a seamstress to have her make me a jacket and she made me a skirt out of it instead.
January 29, 2012 at 10:01 pm
Flogger? Oh I thought she said “Frogger”.
Not quite the upgrade I first thought it would be.
January 30, 2012 at 4:25 am
She can still totally flog with that, & now she can use it multi-purpose!
January 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm
I can’t stop thinking…If someone photographed this thing jammed in Peter North’s ass from just the right angle, it’d look like a convincing portrait of Cher.
.
.
.
What?
January 31, 2012 at 1:43 pm
Just scrolled up and saw Lemon_Bomb’s post…aw man…
I should have said Jimmy Durante or something.
January 29, 2012 at 11:11 pm
When I first read “human hair butt plugs”, I imagined something made entirely of hair like the Cherokee Hair Tampons on South Park. And yet, this is equally appealing—I mean disturbing!
January 30, 2012 at 4:28 am
I just hope someone buys one, inserts, takes several hi-res close up photos, and sends to the “Queen of All Rumpologists”. I can’t wait for her predictions!
January 30, 2012 at 5:05 am
Hey.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/60588389/complete-star-trek-pillow-set?ref=tre-1975074793-1
Irrelevant to the post but I guess you won’t mind looking at what will compliment the coffee table in your future.
January 30, 2012 at 8:18 am
I love their copy:
“Just looking at these makes us want to exclaim the worlds best-known split infinitive at the top of our lungs.”
January 30, 2012 at 9:50 am
How about a new submission list of hot Etsy trends for 2012?
January 30, 2012 at 10:19 am
Yesterday at dinner my father-in-law was complaining that his hands were cold and I jokingly suggested he get some “hip” fingerless gloves. He responded that his hands were fine, it’s really just his fingers that are cold.
Which of course to me expounding on glingers, and regretsy, and how I can’t believe I’ve actually met someone who needs GLINGERS. He thinks I’m nuts, of course, and now I am making him a set. He suggested that I connect them at the base so he “doesn’t have ten things to keep track of”. Hah true story.
I’m doing it.
January 30, 2012 at 11:26 am
Uh, I hate to point out the obvious, but why do you need a plug? Isn’t there supposed to be a hole there. And it’s it uncomfortable when things do get backup?
January 30, 2012 at 11:51 am
Everyone, kindly do yourselves a favour and click on Holytape’s name.
January 30, 2012 at 5:59 pm
I second that. What a sick individual…and my latest Favorite.
January 30, 2012 at 6:07 pm
ok…it might not be your thing, but pony play is popular on the bdsm scene, and this is quite a classy example of a pony tail butt plug…should taking the piss include laughing at what turns others on?
January 30, 2012 at 6:08 pm
Absolutely.
January 31, 2012 at 3:08 am
“taking the piss” is also a popular bdsm activity, now you are doing it too. Welcome aboard.
January 30, 2012 at 6:53 pm
♫ My little pony, my little pony ♫
March 3, 2012 at 6:45 am
I think being a client is better than being the owner. One unique added value for the butt plugs is that they are interchangeable from mouth to butt and maybe, you can use then to shut up people that ride you when you are shopping. I would like to buy two of them. One for the neighbors dog, and one for my mom………