My husband just came running into the room because I screamed “OH MY GOD!” upon seeing this. He thought I was hurt. When I showed him he just shook his head and walked away.
Am I the only one that pictured you writing this as you watch your poor fish flop around on the floor and the garbage truck drives away with old coffee table and tank?
I don’t see many things priced at 3k on Etsy that are worth the price, but this thing is gorgeous. If I had money, and didn’t have a two year old, I would buy it in a heartbeat, just to see my Trekker husband go nuts over it.
Maybe you could sell your child to buy the table I’m sure your husband would go with it, since he’s a Trekkie. After all, this is one of a kind. You can always have another kid.
He’s already spent two years molding this one, though. We weren’t even home from the hospital a week before he was sitting with our newborn son on his lap, watching bootleg Star Trek episodes on Chinese YouTube. The table is cool, but our son is going to be his masterpiece.
I don’t like Star Trek either, and yet I still can’t understand how the seller can bear to part with it. That table completely pulls the room together.
I sent a short message to the true artist who created this, telling him it’s breathtaking and that I only wish I had the money to purchase it. It’s not a sale, but I hope he appreciates sincere flattery.
Yay! Sellers can tell where their visitors are clicking over from, but if they’ve heard only negative things about us, they can upset (and butthurt has been know to occur).
I’ve sent messages to sellers when we’re drooling over something beautiful, saying that their item IS featured at Regretsy AND we were loving its wonderfulness.
Some of the featured sellers, even if we’re making fun of something (such as fairy doors), find the humor and join us—even proudly stating in their listing that the item was featured on Regretsy!
It’s a beautifully crafted table, that much is very evident. If someone didn’t like it, regardless of if they were a Trekkie or otherwise, I’d wonder what medications they should be taking, because they’ve obviously got something wrong with them!
It’s lovely as is, but I think I’d like it in a darker wood, though.
You could go the other way, too, and find a white birch with a good washed out look, yet a clear grain. But alas, I attempt to improve upon perfection.
I say we put together a donation effort to buy HK this table. After all, she deserves it as our snark goddess. With the number of people who read this site, it won’t take much per person. . I’m in for $20!
“We, the jury, find the defendant totally innocent.”
“But, but, aen13 MURDERED someone for putting their feet on a coffee table!!!”
“Your honor, it was JUSTIFIABE HOMICIDE. To quote the statute, ‘Murder is when death is brought upon an innocent person.’ The person who put his feet on such a beauty is NOT innocent of the crime—”
“That’s absurd! It’s a coffee table, a modern one, not a rare antique that—”
“Your honor, have you SEEN the coffee table?”
“Well, no, no I haven’t.”
*Bailiff hands the judge 27 color 8×10 photos. Several jurors will later swear that they saw the judge stash a few in his pocket*
“Well, ahem, now that I’ve been presented with this further evi—Holy Mother of a Horta, this is fucking gorgeous! ahem, further evidence, I see no reason, uh, absolutly no…Case Dismissed! (in a low voice) Bailiff, what’s this Etsy thing and how can I order one of these for myself??”
For anyone who’s new to this site, not everything that Helen and Bronc post is snark-worthy or sarcasm-inducing. No. Once in a while they find something of such beauty, made by true artists, that are considered gifts to all us FJLs for all that we do. This magnificent table is one such gift.
It, my friends, is the sorbet between the courses of fuckery. Savor it.
This would be a great piece to have in the bedroom: you could crack all kinds of jokes while having sex next to it. (It’s a shame the glass isn’t thicker, then adventurous nerds could even have sex on it and fight over who gets to be Kirk.)
There’d be a few other things (sweet, sweet nerdy things) boldly “going” in my livingroom if I had that coffee table as bait . . . I mean, after I spent a good two weeks just sitting there looking at it all by myself that is.
Screw leaving that Leonard Nimoy cookie jar in the kitchen, it never looked right on that shelf with the flower pots anyway… this here is the table I would put it on!!
This is definitely worth Gimping…I’ll be right back!
An item on etsy that is truly one of a kind and awesome as fuck? I don’t believe it. Whoever buys that, can I move in with you just so I can sleep next to it?
After seeing that pic of Bronc at the L.A. Meetup (and I’m day-uuum sorry I didn’t go), you could pimp that stuff out and make some serious cash in no time.
I thought I had it bad for HK’s cookie jar. This….this makes me die inside just a little because I will never be able to afford it. I am going to drown my sorrows in some dollar store cookies.
I suggest that the maker of this awesome table have a casting made of it so that molded resin versions can be made and sold. There are many who can afford a more reduced price, compared to a rare few who can afford the original. I, for one, would gladly buy the reproduction, even though I would love to have the original. I’m pretty sure there are some catalogs out there that would love to carry this item.
I was thinking that the countdown to a Chinese Reseller Replica has probably already begun. Watch for the same table to show up next week on etsy for $29.95 + shipping.
Apropos of nothing (other than “lots of checks”), if you’re sitting there tearing up old checkbooks for what, during the process, seems like 30 years, it’s probably going to cross your mind that an axe might cleave through all the checks in the box at once, freeing up the remaining 2 days of your lifespan.
Which it might, but apparently not if you set it directly on the ground, after a rainstorm. In this case, the entire box is bent in two, and the whole thing driven about a foot into the topsoil, meaning you have to pry it out with a screwdriver. Aaaand continue tearing up checks. Which are now refreshingly filthy.
I have a prelit picture of the original Enterprise.. another poster with detailed schematics … klingon to english dictionary … a detailed communicator pin, which i wear for formal occasions .. the star trek symbol on my fathers grave … and a klingon/federation tattoo… This table NEEDS to live in my house! I may be a FJL.. but now the “J” half of me is huge!
If I had seen this earlier today (when I was in the depths of a funk, which I’m now trying to come out of), I likely would have wept at the beauty of this.
I still kind of want to now, actually. I don’t think I could sell something that I made that contained this much awesome!
Oooooh, Frank Gorshin’s Riddler! I was watching Batman before Star Trek was on the air, so my first crush was Batman. And his ropes. Oh, yes, Batman and his ropes.
I’m soooo far away from my bunk right now. It’s going to be a very long day…
You just have to try and think of something else. Like a naked Pakled or Commissionaire Gordan in a banana hammock.
I once sat down and for the fun of it looked up pictures of every fictional character or celeb I had even the tiniest bit of a crush on and realized with a few exceptions, almost all are thin guys with big noses. Spock, The Riddler, Sherlock Holmes, etc.
Apparently I like big noses and I cannot lie. Forget Christian and give me Cyrano!
Oh dear- be still my heart. I’m not even a big trek fan (nothing beyond watching an episode if I catch it while channel surfing), and I WANT this. Those curves- that CRAFTSMANSHIP- the woodgrain!
It is so ugly that it should be criminal.
I believe that in all civilized countries, is authorized to use deadly force if someone is approaching you with such a that table.
My first reaction was a loud gasp that woke my husband and cat. Second was to immediately post it to my friend’s FB page, as she is the only one besides my snoring husband who would appreciate the sheer brilliance of this, this… ASTOUNDING WORK OF ART. Lastly, I’m sitting here at 4:54 am, on the couch, possibly without pants, trying my damndest to think of SOME WAY we can convince this seller to give the table to Captain Killer and Admiral Bronc.
WOW!! I’ve been a lurker since pretty much the beginning of Regretsy, and I just joined so I could officially register my love for this table and drool along with the rest of you!
I have nothing to add to the drooly, panty-linery comments here, but now I gotta say:
Artist person1 Make sure your work is… copyrighted or whatever the shit it is artists do, I’m too lazy and drunk to look it up…
But GOOD GOD the minute we start seeing these reproduced in some shitty chain store’s catalog? We are gonna bring DOWN some Righteous Wrath. Don’t let it happen!
I’m a lawyer and I don’t have an office that could hold this table yet but when I do I am going to TRACK THIS ARTIST DOWN and commission an identical table for my fucking office. I will require my clients to call me Admiral.
I made an account here just so I could reply to some of the comments here. Let me start by saying you guys have flattered me to the point that I will probably never recover. When I built the enterprise table I had no idea it would gain so much attention. Im a a sci fi geek in general but I just wanted to know if it were possible to build it at all. I have been told that it is on George Takei’s facebook page and gone viral so maybe it will sale soon. Once again.. THANK YOU, for all the cool things you have said and some of them have made me laugh so hard that I almost cried… check out my website at barryshields.com for other items Ive made
I see someone bought it- at the same time I am glad it found a home, but I also feel some bittersweetness that it will be forever beyond my reach. But it found a home, and I hope that you are able to continue making such beautiful works of art!
I did sell it but wanted to show it for sale again so that I can build them as ordered now. Maybe I did it the wrong way but want to keep selling them.
January 25, 2012 at 5:15 pm
HOLY CRAP!
I just had a nerdgasm
January 25, 2012 at 6:37 pm
Yes, I did the same.
January 25, 2012 at 6:44 pm
I’m sure there was a collective nerdgasm brought on by pure WANT of that table.
January 25, 2012 at 7:09 pm
My husband just came running into the room because I screamed “OH MY GOD!” upon seeing this. He thought I was hurt. When I showed him he just shook his head and walked away.
January 25, 2012 at 7:46 pm
Holy crap, I yelled that too! Bu the kender-dad isn’t here and he’d freak out about this, too.
January 26, 2012 at 12:10 am
I have to change my pants.
January 26, 2012 at 4:56 am
I’ve gone through 3 pair already
January 26, 2012 at 5:02 am
I’ve never even watched an episode of Star Trek and I think this is awesome.
January 26, 2012 at 2:12 pm
I don’t even really like Star Trek and I think this is awesome.
January 26, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Hm. I did till I read Petja calling me back to reality and reasoning, and unblinding me.
January 25, 2012 at 5:15 pm
man, I could use that coffee table too. currently we don’t have one(it used to hold up the fishtank with *soon to be* dead goldfish)
January 26, 2012 at 8:08 am
Am I the only one that pictured you writing this as you watch your poor fish flop around on the floor and the garbage truck drives away with old coffee table and tank?
January 25, 2012 at 5:15 pm
Buy! Buy! Buy!
January 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm
To boldly go where no coffee has gone before…
January 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm
I would so put this in my office at home.
January 25, 2012 at 5:19 pm
You already bought it, didn’t you?
January 25, 2012 at 5:23 pm
Oh I wish. I wish really hard.
January 25, 2012 at 5:28 pm
Perhaps we could work out some sort of time-share between us FJLs? We could all pitch in and could just pass the table around the country…
January 25, 2012 at 6:10 pm
The Sisterhood of the Travelling Enterprise Coffee Table?
January 25, 2012 at 6:54 pm
I think I read that book… didn’t they turn it into a crappy movie? Or was I thinking of something else…?
January 25, 2012 at 7:28 pm
Well, it is a spaceship, so it might not cost much to send. Anybody know what kind of fuel the Enterprise uses?
January 25, 2012 at 7:54 pm
Dilithium Crystals. Duh!!
January 26, 2012 at 4:25 am
Dilithium Crystals & Anti-matter.
January 25, 2012 at 5:33 pm
When you do get it, I will polish it for you personally with my cashmere panties.
January 25, 2012 at 5:46 pm
You’ll do that while you’re wearing them, won’t you?
January 25, 2012 at 5:52 pm
Maybe…
January 25, 2012 at 9:17 pm
Mugsy, please get video of the table-polishing! Pretty please with tribbes and cheese-its on top!
January 26, 2012 at 2:15 pm
Maybe you could, if you’d seen it before the RegretsyCon. And those rounds of drinks you bought.
January 25, 2012 at 5:20 pm
I don’t see many things priced at 3k on Etsy that are worth the price, but this thing is gorgeous. If I had money, and didn’t have a two year old, I would buy it in a heartbeat, just to see my Trekker husband go nuts over it.
January 25, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Thought you said go nude over it. was like totally understandable.
January 25, 2012 at 6:11 pm
I’d totally go nude over it. Hmmm…I wonder if it’s sturdy enough to take on a “maiden voyage”…?
*nudge nudge wink wink say no more*
January 25, 2012 at 6:19 pm
Did you change your avatar for the occasion or is it just a lucky coincidence?
January 25, 2012 at 5:59 pm
Maybe you could sell your child to buy the table I’m sure your husband would go with it, since he’s a Trekkie. After all, this is one of a kind. You can always have another kid.
January 25, 2012 at 6:46 pm
He’s already spent two years molding this one, though. We weren’t even home from the hospital a week before he was sitting with our newborn son on his lap, watching bootleg Star Trek episodes on Chinese YouTube. The table is cool, but our son is going to be his masterpiece.
January 25, 2012 at 5:21 pm
I’ve never been a Star Trek fan and even I want that table!
January 25, 2012 at 10:20 pm
I don’t like Star Trek either, and yet I still can’t understand how the seller can bear to part with it. That table completely pulls the room together.
January 25, 2012 at 5:21 pm
Does he take Diners Club?
January 25, 2012 at 5:51 pm
I didn’t know Diners Club was still a thing
January 25, 2012 at 5:22 pm
That sooo needs to be in the same room as Admiral Ackbar on Black Velvet!
Or, a couple of glasses of Black Velvet
January 25, 2012 at 5:24 pm
Guh-HOR-geous!
January 25, 2012 at 5:25 pm
I sent a short message to the true artist who created this, telling him it’s breathtaking and that I only wish I had the money to purchase it. It’s not a sale, but I hope he appreciates sincere flattery.
January 25, 2012 at 5:49 pm
Me, too!! I included the link to this little nerd-fest.
January 25, 2012 at 6:17 pm
Yay! Sellers can tell where their visitors are clicking over from, but if they’ve heard only negative things about us, they can upset (and butthurt has been know to occur).
I’ve sent messages to sellers when we’re drooling over something beautiful, saying that their item IS featured at Regretsy AND we were loving its wonderfulness.
Some of the featured sellers, even if we’re making fun of something (such as fairy doors), find the humor and join us—even proudly stating in their listing that the item was featured on Regretsy!
January 25, 2012 at 5:25 pm
Must…have…Enterprise….
January 25, 2012 at 5:26 pm
I’m not a Star Trek fan, but oh my god, be still my geeky heart. I do want.
January 25, 2012 at 6:30 pm
You know how you know this is a truly good piece? Non-Trekkies would still love to have it in their living room.
I’d venture to say if there never had been an “Enterprise” that this table, presented as an “abstract piece” would still attract many admirers.
January 25, 2012 at 6:53 pm
It’s a beautifully crafted table, that much is very evident. If someone didn’t like it, regardless of if they were a Trekkie or otherwise, I’d wonder what medications they should be taking, because they’ve obviously got something wrong with them!
It’s lovely as is, but I think I’d like it in a darker wood, though.
January 25, 2012 at 7:19 pm
You could go the other way, too, and find a white birch with a good washed out look, yet a clear grain. But alas, I attempt to improve upon perfection.
February 13, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Lumberyard nerds! Found in the rare woods section. With their hands in pockets.
January 25, 2012 at 5:27 pm
I say we put together a donation effort to buy HK this table. After all, she deserves it as our snark goddess. With the number of people who read this site, it won’t take much per person. . I’m in for $20!
January 25, 2012 at 5:58 pm
I owe HK at least a few dollars for the joy and cashmere panties she brings to my life.
January 25, 2012 at 9:18 pm
I thought the same thing! Where would it truly fit in if not in her house?!
January 25, 2012 at 11:14 pm
I would totally contribute five dollars to this fund.
January 26, 2012 at 1:11 am
I too would be happy to put in for this. We all get so much out of Regretsy it would be an amazearama way of saying thanks
January 25, 2012 at 5:28 pm
Someone link this to George Takei on Twitter. Maybe he will buy it and display it
Hot DAMN but that is impressive.
January 27, 2012 at 10:49 am
Or post it on his FB page -
http://www.facebook.com/georgehtakei
Oh heck, I’ll do it!
January 25, 2012 at 5:30 pm
I am sure that the table is sturdy enough to support some feet-up action,
however; if this were in my house and you put your feet on it you would be immediately executed to the appropriate music.
And no Jury would convict me.
January 25, 2012 at 5:31 pm
especially since a jury of MY peers would have to include older jewish ladies, geeks, and, nerds.
January 25, 2012 at 5:34 pm
and don’t forget FJLs! We wouldn’t convict you.
January 25, 2012 at 5:45 pm
“We, the jury, find the defendant totally innocent.”
“But, but, aen13 MURDERED someone for putting their feet on a coffee table!!!”
“Your honor, it was JUSTIFIABE HOMICIDE. To quote the statute, ‘Murder is when death is brought upon an innocent person.’ The person who put his feet on such a beauty is NOT innocent of the crime—”
“That’s absurd! It’s a coffee table, a modern one, not a rare antique that—”
“Your honor, have you SEEN the coffee table?”
“Well, no, no I haven’t.”
*Bailiff hands the judge 27 color 8×10 photos. Several jurors will later swear that they saw the judge stash a few in his pocket*
“Well, ahem, now that I’ve been presented with this further evi—Holy Mother of a Horta, this is fucking gorgeous! ahem, further evidence, I see no reason, uh, absolutly no…Case Dismissed! (in a low voice) Bailiff, what’s this Etsy thing and how can I order one of these for myself??”
January 25, 2012 at 6:31 pm
I LOVE the “Alice’s Restaurant” reference.
January 25, 2012 at 5:32 pm
Just need Picard stretched out on that couch sipping some Earl Grey HOT.
January 25, 2012 at 5:37 pm
In his tiny little robe! Patrick Stewart is the epitome of old guy hot.
January 25, 2012 at 6:49 pm
Patrick Stewart HOT.
January 26, 2012 at 12:12 am
Locutus can assimilate me anytime.
January 25, 2012 at 5:33 pm
Worth the price. That’s a nice piece of furniture.
January 25, 2012 at 5:34 pm
For anyone who’s new to this site, not everything that Helen and Bronc post is snark-worthy or sarcasm-inducing. No. Once in a while they find something of such beauty, made by true artists, that are considered gifts to all us FJLs for all that we do. This magnificent table is one such gift.
It, my friends, is the sorbet between the courses of fuckery. Savor it.
January 25, 2012 at 5:50 pm
Seconded. Heartily.
January 26, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Yes, I think they’ve been able to gather this by looking at the tag under the post title.
January 25, 2012 at 5:35 pm
Oh, how I want this. I don’t have a living room big enough for it, but I’m sure that I’d have the space if I got rid of my sofa.
January 25, 2012 at 5:35 pm
This would be a great piece to have in the bedroom: you could crack all kinds of jokes while having sex next to it. (It’s a shame the glass isn’t thicker, then adventurous nerds could even have sex on it and fight over who gets to be Kirk.)
January 25, 2012 at 5:41 pm
One can always lie underneath and watch the Captains Log if one is so inclined…
January 25, 2012 at 5:49 pm
So help the person who lets out a Captain’s Log on THIS beauty…
January 25, 2012 at 5:52 pm
No Star Dates allowed.
January 26, 2012 at 4:32 am
I hear Chuck Berry loves a glass topped coffee table.
January 25, 2012 at 5:36 pm
That needs to boldly go in my LIVINGROOM…
/nerd lust
January 26, 2012 at 1:24 am
There’d be a few other things (sweet, sweet nerdy things) boldly “going” in my livingroom if I had that coffee table as bait . . . I mean, after I spent a good two weeks just sitting there looking at it all by myself that is.
January 25, 2012 at 5:38 pm
And, OMG, it’s Enterprise C. That’s some major Trek nerdage right there.
January 25, 2012 at 5:40 pm
This puts the Communicator cookies I bought my boyfriend for Valentines day to shame.
January 25, 2012 at 9:56 pm
Where from? I need this information purely for research purposes. I’m definitely not planning to buy and eat a bunch of them all by myself.
January 25, 2012 at 5:43 pm
My first thought upon seeing the headline? Oh no, HK needs bail money.
January 25, 2012 at 5:46 pm
There is a God, and he’s into carpentry.
January 25, 2012 at 5:48 pm
Wasn’t his kid supposed to be a carpenter? Must run in the family…
January 25, 2012 at 5:46 pm
This is probably an appropriate use of all that student loan money I just received.
January 25, 2012 at 6:27 pm
You have an error in your comment.
This is beyond a shadow of a doubt the most appropriate use for all that student loan money I have just received.
There ya go!
I think I fixed it, didn’t even use duct tape this time!
January 26, 2012 at 5:45 am
Certitude, how I love thee.
January 26, 2012 at 5:29 pm
Agreed, that table gives me a strong conviction. Rawr.
January 25, 2012 at 5:47 pm
Go ahead, Helen! Press the “Add to Cart” button! Press it! Press it!
January 25, 2012 at 5:48 pm
This will go great with my Borg Cube coffee table
January 25, 2012 at 5:53 pm
It would assimilate into your decor quite nicely…
January 25, 2012 at 6:35 pm
Ba-dum Pshhhh! (rimshot)
January 25, 2012 at 7:32 pm
Rim shot, rim job…
In the end, all my jokes suck
January 26, 2012 at 9:27 am
Not at all. I thought your joke was funny. then again my sense of humor might be a tidge questionable.
January 25, 2012 at 5:50 pm
I’ve gone through at least 6 panty liners looking at this.
January 25, 2012 at 5:54 pm
This is a new way of determining how awesomely affecting something—or someone—is: How many panty liners are used in reaction.
January 25, 2012 at 5:51 pm
I want it in NCC 1701-D.
January 25, 2012 at 5:51 pm
I’ve never wanted to get laid on a table more then I do now!
January 25, 2012 at 5:52 pm
So, you’re saying you get laid on a table a lot already?
January 25, 2012 at 6:17 pm
only a picnic table and an old dining room table….nothing so fancy as a coffee table like this one.
January 25, 2012 at 5:53 pm
I made some kind of ridiculous noise when I saw this. My sister looked over and told me “Your nerd is showing…you should probably cover it up.”
January 25, 2012 at 7:34 pm
Sorry about my nerd showing … I just need to wait until it goes down …
January 25, 2012 at 11:08 pm
I hear tucking it in the waistband helps.
January 25, 2012 at 5:53 pm
Heck, I don’t want that. I want to have been the person who MADE that. Damn, that’s a gorgeous bit of woodworking there.
January 25, 2012 at 6:08 pm
Just imagine how good s/he must be with the rest of …oh yes.
January 25, 2012 at 6:08 pm
We got younger son an Enterprise pizza cutter for Christmas; he adores it.
It was only $15 — think of the savings!
January 25, 2012 at 6:18 pm
thinkgeek.com!
January 25, 2012 at 6:19 pm
I have the Enterprise pizza cutter and the bottle opener. They are only gateway drugs to to coffee tables.
January 25, 2012 at 6:11 pm
O_O I need it to go with my signed photo of Brent Spiner.
I will sell my husband for that.
January 25, 2012 at 7:55 pm
Switchie, I’d sell your husband for that.
January 26, 2012 at 12:49 am
My mom went to high school with Brent Spiner.
I have her yearbooks.
Life is good.
January 25, 2012 at 6:12 pm
Screw leaving that Leonard Nimoy cookie jar in the kitchen, it never looked right on that shelf with the flower pots anyway… this here is the table I would put it on!!
This is definitely worth Gimping…I’ll be right back!
January 25, 2012 at 6:19 pm
I have my set of Star Trek action figures…I could have Kirk battling the Gorn right there!
January 25, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Kirk vs. the Gorn? I just swooned.
January 25, 2012 at 6:32 pm
January 25, 2012 at 7:04 pm
Mmm…cookies.
January 26, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Somehow the random appearance of Horatio in that photo makes my life much better.
January 25, 2012 at 6:18 pm
So, um… you only really need one kidney to live, right?
January 25, 2012 at 6:18 pm
Someone buy it, and give it better surroundings. It just blends into the room they photographed it in. That table deserves a spotlight.
January 25, 2012 at 6:18 pm
Holy fuck. I will see my soul to Etsy to outbid you on this.
January 25, 2012 at 6:23 pm
“Um, Petja? Listen, something’s come up…”
January 25, 2012 at 7:03 pm
HAHAHAHAHA
January 25, 2012 at 6:29 pm
I’ll be in my bunk.
January 25, 2012 at 6:32 pm
That is awesome, but I have to ask, why the C? Wouldn’t the 1701 or the D (or even E) be more popular?
Also, perhaps a table version of Terek Nor.
January 25, 2012 at 10:28 pm
I just thumbed you up for the pure nerdiness of that statement.
January 26, 2012 at 12:17 am
Because Rachel Garrett is awesome? She went back in time even though she knew they’d all die, just to keep the peace.
January 26, 2012 at 12:20 pm
No she didn’t, she died in the future leaving the mission in the hand of Elvis Costello and Bing Crosby’s severely indecisive granddaughter.
January 25, 2012 at 6:33 pm
An item on etsy that is truly one of a kind and awesome as fuck? I don’t believe it. Whoever buys that, can I move in with you just so I can sleep next to it?
January 26, 2012 at 11:18 am
only if you pay rent, in order to cover the table costs
January 25, 2012 at 6:41 pm
I want this. I want this very badly.
It’ll probably sell before I can save up enough for it.
I feel like I’m being teased by this. WHY must everything that would make me whole be just a few thousand dollars out of reach?
January 25, 2012 at 6:42 pm
There are no amount or quality of words that will express just how AWESOME and AMAZING that is!!!!!!
January 25, 2012 at 6:46 pm
After seeing that pic of Bronc at the L.A. Meetup (and I’m day-uuum sorry I didn’t go), you could pimp that stuff out and make some serious cash in no time.
I’m just saying…
January 25, 2012 at 6:51 pm
Mortgage or Coffee Table… Mortgage or Coffee Table…
January 25, 2012 at 6:51 pm
Scotty needs to beam that shit up!
January 25, 2012 at 6:51 pm
I thought I had it bad for HK’s cookie jar. This….this makes me die inside just a little because I will never be able to afford it. I am going to drown my sorrows in some dollar store cookies.
January 25, 2012 at 6:55 pm
I suddenly realized how much my father’s career as a carpenter has affected me when my first thought was, “wow, look at that lovely woodgrain!”
January 25, 2012 at 6:58 pm
That’s a lot of fiverrs, but I would try. I know what I’m going to dream about tonight.
Here’s what I dreamt about last night:
January 25, 2012 at 7:46 pm
I should have known that you dream in hellephant.
January 25, 2012 at 7:51 pm
Well, to be honest, It started as someone else’s dream. I don’t know how they got into my head.
January 26, 2012 at 8:38 am
Hellephants tend to wander. They’re free spirits. Wonderful one-earred free spirits, but free spirits nevertheless.
January 25, 2012 at 7:02 pm
I heard back from the artist, who says thanks for the compliments.
January 26, 2012 at 8:39 am
Me, too! I was happy to find a real gifted artist who’s so nice.
January 25, 2012 at 7:05 pm
I suggest that the maker of this awesome table have a casting made of it so that molded resin versions can be made and sold. There are many who can afford a more reduced price, compared to a rare few who can afford the original. I, for one, would gladly buy the reproduction, even though I would love to have the original. I’m pretty sure there are some catalogs out there that would love to carry this item.
January 26, 2012 at 1:31 am
I was thinking that the countdown to a Chinese Reseller Replica has probably already begun. Watch for the same table to show up next week on etsy for $29.95 + shipping.
January 26, 2012 at 11:19 am
you could airbrush the resin replicas, have a cow-print Enterprise
January 26, 2012 at 1:07 pm
Where’s H&M when you need them?
January 25, 2012 at 7:06 pm
Can I write you a check? Or do you need REAL money? Cause I have lots of checks, just sitting around collecting dust…
January 25, 2012 at 7:26 pm
Apropos of nothing (other than “lots of checks”), if you’re sitting there tearing up old checkbooks for what, during the process, seems like 30 years, it’s probably going to cross your mind that an axe might cleave through all the checks in the box at once, freeing up the remaining 2 days of your lifespan.
Which it might, but apparently not if you set it directly on the ground, after a rainstorm. In this case, the entire box is bent in two, and the whole thing driven about a foot into the topsoil, meaning you have to pry it out with a screwdriver. Aaaand continue tearing up checks. Which are now refreshingly filthy.
January 25, 2012 at 7:31 pm
You can get a cross-cut shredder at Costco for under 50 bucks.
-this is from the woman who had to destroy 30+ years of cancelled checks and old bank statements from her father who never threw anything away.
January 26, 2012 at 12:53 am
Cancelled checks make lovely kindling.
January 25, 2012 at 7:16 pm
I have a prelit picture of the original Enterprise.. another poster with detailed schematics … klingon to english dictionary … a detailed communicator pin, which i wear for formal occasions .. the star trek symbol on my fathers grave … and a klingon/federation tattoo… This table NEEDS to live in my house! I may be a FJL.. but now the “J” half of me is huge!
January 25, 2012 at 10:04 pm
What kind of formal occasions?
January 25, 2012 at 7:17 pm
I am so fucking glad that this is New Generation, if it were original generation I’d be selling my blood to afford it. Or something else. (shudder)
January 25, 2012 at 7:30 pm
I’m going to convo the seller and see if he wants an amazing custom quilt (or three) in exchange for a coffee table…
January 25, 2012 at 7:32 pm
I better just go to bed, because I’m thinking that my kid doesn’t REALLY need to go to college next year…
January 25, 2012 at 7:47 pm
Kid doesn’t need college, college will always be there. Some richie mcrich hipster could buy this before you!
January 25, 2012 at 8:04 pm
I neared orgasm seeing this, but what finished me off was the dream that he’ll make a Serenity one next.
February 6, 2012 at 8:23 am
7 panty liners. Gone.
I would sell my firstborn and my laptop for one of those Serenity tables.
January 25, 2012 at 8:09 pm
My God. This is amazing. My husband would make sweet sweet love to this piece of furniture.
January 25, 2012 at 8:11 pm
It looks as if there’s enough space between the warp engines for yeoman Rand to sit while
I lie under itwe play 3D chess.January 25, 2012 at 8:12 pm
May this never, ever warp. In the wood way.
January 25, 2012 at 8:46 pm
You won’t see another one like it! …..until H&M prints its likeness on rugs and towels and pillowcases!
January 25, 2012 at 9:07 pm
what? me? oh nothing much, just been sitting on the coffe table…….
January 25, 2012 at 9:09 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
January 25, 2012 at 9:13 pm
My husband and I aren’t hardcore Treksters by any stretch, but that is one GOOD LOOKING table. And well made!
January 25, 2012 at 9:23 pm
So when is the “Regretsy Guide to Star Trek” going to show up on Kickstarter? Soon I hope, ’cause I’m runnin’ out of job here!
January 25, 2012 at 9:41 pm
If I had seen this earlier today (when I was in the depths of a funk, which I’m now trying to come out of), I likely would have wept at the beauty of this.
I still kind of want to now, actually. I don’t think I could sell something that I made that contained this much awesome!
January 25, 2012 at 10:40 pm
I need this so hard. It may be the only thing that will ever bring me happiness.
January 25, 2012 at 10:51 pm
I’m not a Star Trek fan by any means but this makes me wish I was. It’s just SO beautifully done.
January 25, 2012 at 11:03 pm
*drools* Want – so – badly.
If I mentioned my first crush was Mr. Spock – when I was 3 years old – think some rich person looking to do random good deeds would buy it for me?
It’s true you know. Spock was my first crush. My second was The Riddler, as played by Frank Gorshin, not John Astin.
January 26, 2012 at 8:30 am
Oooooh, Frank Gorshin’s Riddler! I was watching Batman before Star Trek was on the air, so my first crush was Batman. And his ropes. Oh, yes, Batman and his ropes.
I’m soooo far away from my bunk right now. It’s going to be a very long day…
January 26, 2012 at 12:45 pm
You just have to try and think of something else. Like a naked Pakled or Commissionaire Gordan in a banana hammock.
I once sat down and for the fun of it looked up pictures of every fictional character or celeb I had even the tiniest bit of a crush on and realized with a few exceptions, almost all are thin guys with big noses. Spock, The Riddler, Sherlock Holmes, etc.
Apparently I like big noses and I cannot lie. Forget Christian and give me Cyrano!
January 25, 2012 at 11:43 pm
Oh dear- be still my heart. I’m not even a big trek fan (nothing beyond watching an episode if I catch it while channel surfing), and I WANT this. Those curves- that CRAFTSMANSHIP- the woodgrain!
January 26, 2012 at 12:05 am
…brb, robbing a fucking bank. I need this in my life.
January 26, 2012 at 1:45 am
I’m not even a Trekkie and I love it!!
January 26, 2012 at 1:54 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
January 26, 2012 at 2:24 am
practical joke
-inch hole in the end it is better to
it suffers from less time
January 26, 2012 at 1:58 am
My first reaction was a loud gasp that woke my husband and cat. Second was to immediately post it to my friend’s FB page, as she is the only one besides my snoring husband who would appreciate the sheer brilliance of this, this… ASTOUNDING WORK OF ART. Lastly, I’m sitting here at 4:54 am, on the couch, possibly without pants, trying my damndest to think of SOME WAY we can convince this seller to give the table to Captain Killer and Admiral Bronc.
January 26, 2012 at 2:02 am
I have never seen a handmade piece so spectacular. Just amazing.
January 26, 2012 at 3:48 am
As far as epic science fiction sagas go, I’m on Team Babylon 5 but I sure would buy this table at once had I $3100 to spare.
January 26, 2012 at 7:27 am
Oh my god, if someone made a White Star coffee table…
January 26, 2012 at 5:06 am
Now *this* is art.
January 26, 2012 at 8:03 am
I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT
January 26, 2012 at 9:30 am
Now he needs to to a Red Dwarf wastebasket.
January 26, 2012 at 11:10 am
Red Dwarf is in production again. All may be right again in the world.
January 26, 2012 at 11:23 am
yeah, but without all the awesomely naff special effects
January 26, 2012 at 8:42 pm
And a TARDIS wardrobe.
January 26, 2012 at 10:08 am
Rubbed poly finish coat…mmmm…I’m not even a closet Trekkie and I’m in lust…
January 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm
WOW!! I’ve been a lurker since pretty much the beginning of Regretsy, and I just joined so I could officially register my love for this table and drool along with the rest of you!
January 26, 2012 at 12:43 pm
I have nothing to add to the drooly, panty-linery comments here, but now I gotta say:
Artist person1 Make sure your work is… copyrighted or whatever the shit it is artists do, I’m too lazy and drunk to look it up…
But GOOD GOD the minute we start seeing these reproduced in some shitty chain store’s catalog? We are gonna bring DOWN some Righteous Wrath. Don’t let it happen!
January 26, 2012 at 12:50 pm
.. for aLL your work, they’re all beautiful
January 26, 2012 at 1:04 pm
I would buy the shit out of that.
January 27, 2012 at 7:10 am
“I would hit it like an antimatter bomb.”
January 26, 2012 at 6:46 pm
I’m a lawyer and I don’t have an office that could hold this table yet but when I do I am going to TRACK THIS ARTIST DOWN and commission an identical table for my fucking office. I will require my clients to call me Admiral.
January 26, 2012 at 8:39 pm
My jaw just dropped when I saw this. Literally. This is that awesome.
January 27, 2012 at 5:01 am
I made an account here just so I could reply to some of the comments here. Let me start by saying you guys have flattered me to the point that I will probably never recover. When I built the enterprise table I had no idea it would gain so much attention. Im a a sci fi geek in general but I just wanted to know if it were possible to build it at all. I have been told that it is on George Takei’s facebook page and gone viral so maybe it will sale soon. Once again.. THANK YOU, for all the cool things you have said and some of them have made me laugh so hard that I almost cried… check out my website at barryshields.com for other items Ive made
January 27, 2012 at 5:37 pm
Your stuff is awesome, barryshields! You’re a fine artist and craftsperson.
February 9, 2012 at 11:30 pm
I see someone bought it- at the same time I am glad it found a home, but I also feel some bittersweetness that it will be forever beyond my reach. But it found a home, and I hope that you are able to continue making such beautiful works of art!
February 9, 2012 at 11:33 pm
Nevermind- I am confused if it was sold or not? The link at the top says sold but your etsy shop has it for sale.
February 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm
I did sell it but wanted to show it for sale again so that I can build them as ordered now. Maybe I did it the wrong way but want to keep selling them.
January 29, 2012 at 2:57 pm
So THIS is that internet porn everyone’s been raving about!