I just had a nerdgasm
Yes, I did the same.
I’m sure there was a collective nerdgasm brought on by pure WANT of that table.
My husband just came running into the room because I screamed “OH MY GOD!” upon seeing this. He thought I was hurt. When I showed him he just shook his head and walked away.
Holy crap, I yelled that too! Bu the kender-dad isn’t here and he’d freak out about this, too.
I have to change my pants.
I’ve gone through 3 pair already
I’ve never even watched an episode of Star Trek and I think this is awesome.
I don’t even really like Star Trek and I think this is awesome.
Hm. I did till I read Petja calling me back to reality and reasoning, and unblinding me.
man, I could use that coffee table too. currently we don’t have one(it used to hold up the fishtank with *soon to be* dead goldfish)
Am I the only one that pictured you writing this as you watch your poor fish flop around on the floor and the garbage truck drives away with old coffee table and tank?
Buy! Buy! Buy!
To boldly go where no coffee has gone before…
I would so put this in my office at home.
You already bought it, didn’t you?
Oh I wish. I wish really hard.
Perhaps we could work out some sort of time-share between us FJLs? We could all pitch in and could just pass the table around the country…
The Sisterhood of the Travelling Enterprise Coffee Table?
I think I read that book… didn’t they turn it into a crappy movie? Or was I thinking of something else…?
Well, it is a spaceship, so it might not cost much to send. Anybody know what kind of fuel the Enterprise uses?
Dilithium Crystals. Duh!!
Dilithium Crystals & Anti-matter.
When you do get it, I will polish it for you personally with my cashmere panties.
You’ll do that while you’re wearing them, won’t you?
Mugsy, please get video of the table-polishing! Pretty please with tribbes and cheese-its on top!
Maybe you could, if you’d seen it before the RegretsyCon. And those rounds of drinks you bought.
I don’t see many things priced at 3k on Etsy that are worth the price, but this thing is gorgeous. If I had money, and didn’t have a two year old, I would buy it in a heartbeat, just to see my Trekker husband go nuts over it.
Thought you said go nude over it. was like totally understandable.
I’d totally go nude over it. Hmmm…I wonder if it’s sturdy enough to take on a “maiden voyage”…?
*nudge nudge wink wink say no more*
Did you change your avatar for the occasion or is it just a lucky coincidence?
Maybe you could sell your child to buy the table I’m sure your husband would go with it, since he’s a Trekkie. After all, this is one of a kind. You can always have another kid.
He’s already spent two years molding this one, though. We weren’t even home from the hospital a week before he was sitting with our newborn son on his lap, watching bootleg Star Trek episodes on Chinese YouTube. The table is cool, but our son is going to be his masterpiece.
I’ve never been a Star Trek fan and even I want that table!
I don’t like Star Trek either, and yet I still can’t understand how the seller can bear to part with it. That table completely pulls the room together.
Does he take Diners Club?
I didn’t know Diners Club was still a thing
That sooo needs to be in the same room as Admiral Ackbar on Black Velvet!
Or, a couple of glasses of Black Velvet
I sent a short message to the true artist who created this, telling him it’s breathtaking and that I only wish I had the money to purchase it. It’s not a sale, but I hope he appreciates sincere flattery.
Me, too!! I included the link to this little nerd-fest.
Yay! Sellers can tell where their visitors are clicking over from, but if they’ve heard only negative things about us, they can upset (and butthurt has been know to occur).
I’ve sent messages to sellers when we’re drooling over something beautiful, saying that their item IS featured at Regretsy AND we were loving its wonderfulness.
Some of the featured sellers, even if we’re making fun of something (such as fairy doors), find the humor and join us—even proudly stating in their listing that the item was featured on Regretsy!
I’m not a Star Trek fan, but oh my god, be still my geeky heart. I do want.
You know how you know this is a truly good piece? Non-Trekkies would still love to have it in their living room.
I’d venture to say if there never had been an “Enterprise” that this table, presented as an “abstract piece” would still attract many admirers.
It’s a beautifully crafted table, that much is very evident. If someone didn’t like it, regardless of if they were a Trekkie or otherwise, I’d wonder what medications they should be taking, because they’ve obviously got something wrong with them!
It’s lovely as is, but I think I’d like it in a darker wood, though.
You could go the other way, too, and find a white birch with a good washed out look, yet a clear grain. But alas, I attempt to improve upon perfection.
Lumberyard nerds! Found in the rare woods section. With their hands in pockets.
I say we put together a donation effort to buy HK this table. After all, she deserves it as our snark goddess. With the number of people who read this site, it won’t take much per person. . I’m in for $20!
I owe HK at least a few dollars for the joy and cashmere panties she brings to my life.
I thought the same thing! Where would it truly fit in if not in her house?!
I would totally contribute five dollars to this fund.
I too would be happy to put in for this. We all get so much out of Regretsy it would be an amazearama way of saying thanks
Someone link this to George Takei on Twitter. Maybe he will buy it and display it Hot DAMN but that is impressive.
Or post it on his FB page -
Oh heck, I’ll do it!
I am sure that the table is sturdy enough to support some feet-up action,
however; if this were in my house and you put your feet on it you would be immediately executed to the appropriate music.
And no Jury would convict me.
especially since a jury of MY peers would have to include older jewish ladies, geeks, and, nerds.
and don’t forget FJLs! We wouldn’t convict you.
“We, the jury, find the defendant totally innocent.”
“But, but, aen13 MURDERED someone for putting their feet on a coffee table!!!”
“Your honor, it was JUSTIFIABE HOMICIDE. To quote the statute, ‘Murder is when death is brought upon an innocent person.’ The person who put his feet on such a beauty is NOT innocent of the crime—”
“That’s absurd! It’s a coffee table, a modern one, not a rare antique that—”
“Your honor, have you SEEN the coffee table?”
“Well, no, no I haven’t.”
*Bailiff hands the judge 27 color 8×10 photos. Several jurors will later swear that they saw the judge stash a few in his pocket*
“Well, ahem, now that I’ve been presented with this further evi—Holy Mother of a Horta, this is fucking gorgeous! ahem, further evidence, I see no reason, uh, absolutly no…Case Dismissed! (in a low voice) Bailiff, what’s this Etsy thing and how can I order one of these for myself??”
I LOVE the “Alice’s Restaurant” reference.
Just need Picard stretched out on that couch sipping some Earl Grey HOT.
In his tiny little robe! Patrick Stewart is the epitome of old guy hot.
Patrick Stewart HOT.
Locutus can assimilate me anytime.
Worth the price. That’s a nice piece of furniture.
For anyone who’s new to this site, not everything that Helen and Bronc post is snark-worthy or sarcasm-inducing. No. Once in a while they find something of such beauty, made by true artists, that are considered gifts to all us FJLs for all that we do. This magnificent table is one such gift.
It, my friends, is the sorbet between the courses of fuckery. Savor it.
Yes, I think they’ve been able to gather this by looking at the tag under the post title.
Oh, how I want this. I don’t have a living room big enough for it, but I’m sure that I’d have the space if I got rid of my sofa.
This would be a great piece to have in the bedroom: you could crack all kinds of jokes while having sex next to it. (It’s a shame the glass isn’t thicker, then adventurous nerds could even have sex on it and fight over who gets to be Kirk.)
One can always lie underneath and watch the Captains Log if one is so inclined…
So help the person who lets out a Captain’s Log on THIS beauty…
No Star Dates allowed.
I hear Chuck Berry loves a glass topped coffee table.
That needs to boldly go in my LIVINGROOM…
There’d be a few other things (sweet, sweet nerdy things) boldly “going” in my livingroom if I had that coffee table as bait . . . I mean, after I spent a good two weeks just sitting there looking at it all by myself that is.
And, OMG, it’s Enterprise C. That’s some major Trek nerdage right there.
This puts the Communicator cookies I bought my boyfriend for Valentines day to shame.
Where from? I need this information purely for research purposes. I’m definitely not planning to buy and eat a bunch of them all by myself.
My first thought upon seeing the headline? Oh no, HK needs bail money.
There is a God, and he’s into carpentry.
Wasn’t his kid supposed to be a carpenter? Must run in the family…
This is probably an appropriate use of all that student loan money I just received.
You have an error in your comment.
This is beyond a shadow of a doubt the most appropriate use for all that student loan money I have just received.
There ya go! I think I fixed it, didn’t even use duct tape this time!
Certitude, how I love thee.
Agreed, that table gives me a strong conviction. Rawr.
Go ahead, Helen! Press the “Add to Cart” button! Press it! Press it!
This will go great with my Borg Cube coffee table
It would assimilate into your decor quite nicely…
Ba-dum Pshhhh! (rimshot)
Rim shot, rim job…
In the end, all my jokes suck
Not at all. I thought your joke was funny. then again my sense of humor might be a tidge questionable.
I’ve gone through at least 6 panty liners looking at this.
This is a new way of determining how awesomely affecting something—or someone—is: How many panty liners are used in reaction.
I want it in NCC 1701-D.
I’ve never wanted to get laid on a table more then I do now!
So, you’re saying you get laid on a table a lot already?
only a picnic table and an old dining room table….nothing so fancy as a coffee table like this one.
I made some kind of ridiculous noise when I saw this. My sister looked over and told me “Your nerd is showing…you should probably cover it up.”
Sorry about my nerd showing … I just need to wait until it goes down …
I hear tucking it in the waistband helps.
Heck, I don’t want that. I want to have been the person who MADE that. Damn, that’s a gorgeous bit of woodworking there.
Just imagine how good s/he must be with the rest of …oh yes.
We got younger son an Enterprise pizza cutter for Christmas; he adores it.
It was only $15 — think of the savings!
I have the Enterprise pizza cutter and the bottle opener. They are only gateway drugs to to coffee tables.
O_O I need it to go with my signed photo of Brent Spiner.
I will sell my husband for that.
Switchie, I’d sell your husband for that.
My mom went to high school with Brent Spiner.
I have her yearbooks.
Life is good.
Screw leaving that Leonard Nimoy cookie jar in the kitchen, it never looked right on that shelf with the flower pots anyway… this here is the table I would put it on!!
This is definitely worth Gimping…I’ll be right back!
I have my set of Star Trek action figures…I could have Kirk battling the Gorn right there!
Kirk vs. the Gorn? I just swooned.
That had to be done. Now I feel better.
Somehow the random appearance of Horatio in that photo makes my life much better.
So, um… you only really need one kidney to live, right?
Someone buy it, and give it better surroundings. It just blends into the room they photographed it in. That table deserves a spotlight.
Holy fuck. I will see my soul to Etsy to outbid you on this.
“Um, Petja? Listen, something’s come up…”
I’ll be in my bunk.
That is awesome, but I have to ask, why the C? Wouldn’t the 1701 or the D (or even E) be more popular?
Also, perhaps a table version of Terek Nor.
I just thumbed you up for the pure nerdiness of that statement.
Because Rachel Garrett is awesome? She went back in time even though she knew they’d all die, just to keep the peace.
No she didn’t, she died in the future leaving the mission in the hand of Elvis Costello and Bing Crosby’s severely indecisive granddaughter.
An item on etsy that is truly one of a kind and awesome as fuck? I don’t believe it. Whoever buys that, can I move in with you just so I can sleep next to it?
only if you pay rent, in order to cover the table costs
I want this. I want this very badly.
It’ll probably sell before I can save up enough for it.
I feel like I’m being teased by this. WHY must everything that would make me whole be just a few thousand dollars out of reach?
There are no amount or quality of words that will express just how AWESOME and AMAZING that is!!!!!!
After seeing that pic of Bronc at the L.A. Meetup (and I’m day-uuum sorry I didn’t go), you could pimp that stuff out and make some serious cash in no time.
I’m just saying…
Mortgage or Coffee Table… Mortgage or Coffee Table…
Scotty needs to beam that shit up!
I thought I had it bad for HK’s cookie jar. This….this makes me die inside just a little because I will never be able to afford it. I am going to drown my sorrows in some dollar store cookies.
I suddenly realized how much my father’s career as a carpenter has affected me when my first thought was, “wow, look at that lovely woodgrain!”
That’s a lot of fiverrs, but I would try. I know what I’m going to dream about tonight.
Here’s what I dreamt about last night:
I should have known that you dream in hellephant.
Well, to be honest, It started as someone else’s dream. I don’t know how they got into my head.
Hellephants tend to wander. They’re free spirits. Wonderful one-earred free spirits, but free spirits nevertheless.
I heard back from the artist, who says thanks for the compliments.
Me, too! I was happy to find a real gifted artist who’s so nice.
I suggest that the maker of this awesome table have a casting made of it so that molded resin versions can be made and sold. There are many who can afford a more reduced price, compared to a rare few who can afford the original. I, for one, would gladly buy the reproduction, even though I would love to have the original. I’m pretty sure there are some catalogs out there that would love to carry this item.
I was thinking that the countdown to a Chinese Reseller Replica has probably already begun. Watch for the same table to show up next week on etsy for $29.95 + shipping.
you could airbrush the resin replicas, have a cow-print Enterprise
Where’s H&M when you need them?
Can I write you a check? Or do you need REAL money? Cause I have lots of checks, just sitting around collecting dust…
Apropos of nothing (other than “lots of checks”), if you’re sitting there tearing up old checkbooks for what, during the process, seems like 30 years, it’s probably going to cross your mind that an axe might cleave through all the checks in the box at once, freeing up the remaining 2 days of your lifespan.
Which it might, but apparently not if you set it directly on the ground, after a rainstorm. In this case, the entire box is bent in two, and the whole thing driven about a foot into the topsoil, meaning you have to pry it out with a screwdriver. Aaaand continue tearing up checks. Which are now refreshingly filthy.
You can get a cross-cut shredder at Costco for under 50 bucks.
-this is from the woman who had to destroy 30+ years of cancelled checks and old bank statements from her father who never threw anything away.
Cancelled checks make lovely kindling.
I have a prelit picture of the original Enterprise.. another poster with detailed schematics … klingon to english dictionary … a detailed communicator pin, which i wear for formal occasions .. the star trek symbol on my fathers grave … and a klingon/federation tattoo… This table NEEDS to live in my house! I may be a FJL.. but now the “J” half of me is huge!
What kind of formal occasions?
I am so fucking glad that this is New Generation, if it were original generation I’d be selling my blood to afford it. Or something else. (shudder)
I’m going to convo the seller and see if he wants an amazing custom quilt (or three) in exchange for a coffee table…
I better just go to bed, because I’m thinking that my kid doesn’t REALLY need to go to college next year…
Kid doesn’t need college, college will always be there. Some richie mcrich hipster could buy this before you!
I neared orgasm seeing this, but what finished me off was the dream that he’ll make a Serenity one next.
7 panty liners. Gone.
I would sell my firstborn and my laptop for one of those Serenity tables.
My God. This is amazing. My husband would make sweet sweet love to this piece of furniture.
It looks as if there’s enough space between the warp engines for yeoman Rand to sit while I lie under it we play 3D chess.
May this never, ever warp. In the wood way.
You won’t see another one like it! …..until H&M prints its likeness on rugs and towels and pillowcases!
what? me? oh nothing much, just been sitting on the coffe table…….
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
I might consider $3100 if it vibrates
My husband and I aren’t hardcore Treksters by any stretch, but that is one GOOD LOOKING table. And well made!
So when is the “Regretsy Guide to Star Trek” going to show up on Kickstarter? Soon I hope, ’cause I’m runnin’ out of job here!
If I had seen this earlier today (when I was in the depths of a funk, which I’m now trying to come out of), I likely would have wept at the beauty of this.
I still kind of want to now, actually. I don’t think I could sell something that I made that contained this much awesome!
I need this so hard. It may be the only thing that will ever bring me happiness.
I’m not a Star Trek fan by any means but this makes me wish I was. It’s just SO beautifully done.
*drools* Want – so – badly.
If I mentioned my first crush was Mr. Spock – when I was 3 years old – think some rich person looking to do random good deeds would buy it for me?
It’s true you know. Spock was my first crush. My second was The Riddler, as played by Frank Gorshin, not John Astin.
Oooooh, Frank Gorshin’s Riddler! I was watching Batman before Star Trek was on the air, so my first crush was Batman. And his ropes. Oh, yes, Batman and his ropes.
I’m soooo far away from my bunk right now. It’s going to be a very long day…
You just have to try and think of something else. Like a naked Pakled or Commissionaire Gordan in a banana hammock.
I once sat down and for the fun of it looked up pictures of every fictional character or celeb I had even the tiniest bit of a crush on and realized with a few exceptions, almost all are thin guys with big noses. Spock, The Riddler, Sherlock Holmes, etc.
Apparently I like big noses and I cannot lie. Forget Christian and give me Cyrano!
Oh dear- be still my heart. I’m not even a big trek fan (nothing beyond watching an episode if I catch it while channel surfing), and I WANT this. Those curves- that CRAFTSMANSHIP- the woodgrain!
…brb, robbing a fucking bank. I need this in my life.
I’m not even a Trekkie and I love it!!
It is so ugly that it should be criminal.
I believe that in all civilized countries, is authorized to use deadly force if someone is approaching you with such a that table.
-inch hole in the end it is better to
it suffers from less time
My first reaction was a loud gasp that woke my husband and cat. Second was to immediately post it to my friend’s FB page, as she is the only one besides my snoring husband who would appreciate the sheer brilliance of this, this… ASTOUNDING WORK OF ART. Lastly, I’m sitting here at 4:54 am, on the couch, possibly without pants, trying my damndest to think of SOME WAY we can convince this seller to give the table to Captain Killer and Admiral Bronc.
I have never seen a handmade piece so spectacular. Just amazing.
As far as epic science fiction sagas go, I’m on Team Babylon 5 but I sure would buy this table at once had I $3100 to spare.
Oh my god, if someone made a White Star coffee table…
Now *this* is art.
I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT
Now he needs to to a Red Dwarf wastebasket.
Red Dwarf is in production again. All may be right again in the world.
yeah, but without all the awesomely naff special effects
And a TARDIS wardrobe.
Rubbed poly finish coat…mmmm…I’m not even a closet Trekkie and I’m in lust…
WOW!! I’ve been a lurker since pretty much the beginning of Regretsy, and I just joined so I could officially register my love for this table and drool along with the rest of you!
I have nothing to add to the drooly, panty-linery comments here, but now I gotta say:
Artist person1 Make sure your work is… copyrighted or whatever the shit it is artists do, I’m too lazy and drunk to look it up…
But GOOD GOD the minute we start seeing these reproduced in some shitty chain store’s catalog? We are gonna bring DOWN some Righteous Wrath. Don’t let it happen!
.. for aLL your work, they’re all beautiful
I would buy the shit out of that.
“I would hit it like an antimatter bomb.”
I’m a lawyer and I don’t have an office that could hold this table yet but when I do I am going to TRACK THIS ARTIST DOWN and commission an identical table for my fucking office. I will require my clients to call me Admiral.
My jaw just dropped when I saw this. Literally. This is that awesome.
I made an account here just so I could reply to some of the comments here. Let me start by saying you guys have flattered me to the point that I will probably never recover. When I built the enterprise table I had no idea it would gain so much attention. Im a a sci fi geek in general but I just wanted to know if it were possible to build it at all. I have been told that it is on George Takei’s facebook page and gone viral so maybe it will sale soon. Once again.. THANK YOU, for all the cool things you have said and some of them have made me laugh so hard that I almost cried… check out my website at barryshields.com for other items Ive made
Your stuff is awesome, barryshields! You’re a fine artist and craftsperson.
I see someone bought it- at the same time I am glad it found a home, but I also feel some bittersweetness that it will be forever beyond my reach. But it found a home, and I hope that you are able to continue making such beautiful works of art!
Nevermind- I am confused if it was sold or not? The link at the top says sold but your etsy shop has it for sale.
I did sell it but wanted to show it for sale again so that I can build them as ordered now. Maybe I did it the wrong way but want to keep selling them.
So THIS is that internet porn everyone’s been raving about!
You must be logged in to post a comment.
The term "Etsy" is a trademark of Etsy, Inc. This site is not affiliated with Etsy, Inc.