Why? Some people find tan lines sexy. They try to imagine what they were wearing to make them. Material, how it fit, the pattern and color, etc.
I learned this from a woman who was a little too verbal around a 13 year old girl. Told me about how crazy her boyfriend would go when she had tan lines from her bikini. Yeah, I’m still kind of traumatized from that.
Tan lines were A Thing in the early 70s, IIRC (and I might not since I was born in 1970 and wouldn’t've been looking at magazines like this as a little kid).
No, no, no. HAND-RUBBED COPPERTONE was the #1 tanner back then.
I was a teenager in the ’70s, so he’d have gone to jail, but at least his butt would have matched the rest of himmmmm-mmm-mm-m…if the rest of him was orange.
I’m not so sure about that. The jacket is just two strips. Where are the lapels? The whole thing is just so out of proportion that I can’t even look at it. It’s giving me a headache.
“$500 for a drawing of a vest, black dress shirt and tie. Oh and sketch of some guys face! I’ll just say it’s a celebrity. Someone will totally buy this, right?”
I’m forever scratching my head over the fact that real artists like Bruce White (Velvet Geek) charge $300-$400 for their beautiful work and others on Etsy feel theirs—which often look like a sixth-grade drawing project that got a “C+”—are worth so much more. Color me perplexed.
It’s pretty simple. Skilled artists are good because they actually know something about art, and knowing what it’s worth is part of it. Basically: they know shit when they see it (including when it’s their own art that’s shitty), and they don’t over-inflate their own work’s value, because they know it’s a buyer’s market.
Bad amateur artists have no idea what good art is, or what it’s worth, so they think their art is great (because they lack the training needed to distinguish between great, good, and crap) and because they worked hard on it, and they like it, they think it must be worth a lot to other people too.
Coincidentally, I am reading Rob Lowe’s memoir right now. I don’t think he would want this picture included in the photo section, unless it were to illustrated what might have happened had he not got clean.
Either that, or he could scare his kids into obedience by threatening them with Evil Daddy.
See, I see the animated dude from the Take On Me music video. Or rather, the unholy crossing between a post-accident Busey and the animated dude. Some mad scientist has gone too far.
I stared at the drawing for a few moments before scrolling down thinking, “Is this the same Rob Lowe I’m thinking about? Because it can’t possibly- oh god it is.”
I was led to believe he used his longtime friendship with Robert Wagner as the basis for his portrayal of #2 in the second Austin Powers movie. Now I’m thinking this “graphite drawing” might have played a huge part in Rob’s performance, since it’s definitely #2 in so many ways.
The only thing I like about Rob Low is that scene in About Last Night where he and Demi Moore go to the kitchen naked. And in all honesty, I really wasn’t paying all that much attention to Demi…
I love this post as I rarely get an excuse to regale people with my story of how I once escorted Rob Lowe to the restroom. He took it from there. Nice guy and very funny.
Clearly, a decimal point is missing. But even $5.00 is too much for that. Unless it’s my grandchild. Then I would pay for it and put it in a drawer somewhere where I didn’t have to look at it.
Somebody has over indulgent parents. This guy had to be encouraged by someone to purse his “artistic abilities”. And for him to think that schlock is worth $500, Mommy must have made him think he is the next Picasso.
I know that we all want to be nice, and we tell our friends and family that we like what they do, but this is what happens when you don’t provide needed reality checks.
(I just saw The Goonies for the first time a couple of weeks ago, so I was able to recognize that picture. In case you are wondering, I didn’t see it when I was a kid because it didn’t exist when I was a kid.)
You can see exactly the point where the artist’s recreational drugs wore off: right after he/she/it finished drawing that sea urchin with lips atop the nice suit and tie.
How old was he there? A year and a half later he was videotaping a three-way with underaged girls at the Marriott in Atlanta during the Democratic Convention.
I have had the shittiest day possible, but this post made me laugh so hard I hurt my stomach and a bit of pee came out. Helen Killer, you’re a fucking legend. MEOW LOVE CHUNK! MEOW LOVE REGRETSY!
January 23, 2012 at 10:07 am
That’s a real Rob “low”….poor man….
January 23, 2012 at 10:08 am
A talking head in Playgirl? That really would be interesting.
January 23, 2012 at 10:08 am
Now I have nightmare images of Sloth posing for Playgirl. D:
There goes another little piece of my childhood, courtesy of Regretsy.
January 23, 2012 at 10:28 am
Interestingly enough, John Matuszak, the actor who played Sloth, did pose for Playgirl in the early 80s.
January 23, 2012 at 12:27 pm
Of course I had to google it…
January 23, 2012 at 12:41 pm
Okay, childhood is healed. What can I say, I dig beards?
January 23, 2012 at 12:48 pm
He’s a plushie? Not that I’m judging.
January 23, 2012 at 3:07 pm
I suspect they were throwing a bone to Playgirl’s unspoken-of buyer demographic by hinting at his being a bear.
January 23, 2012 at 7:37 pm
Looks like a bear to me.
January 23, 2012 at 1:06 pm
The could have at least spray tanned his bottom.
January 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm
In the 80′s? Spray tanned with what exactly? Oh gawd, forget I asked!
January 23, 2012 at 1:57 pm
Why? Some people find tan lines sexy. They try to imagine what they were wearing to make them. Material, how it fit, the pattern and color, etc.
I learned this from a woman who was a little too verbal around a 13 year old girl. Told me about how crazy her boyfriend would go when she had tan lines from her bikini. Yeah, I’m still kind of traumatized from that.
January 23, 2012 at 2:57 pm
Tan lines were A Thing in the early 70s, IIRC (and I might not since I was born in 1970 and wouldn’t've been looking at magazines like this as a little kid).
January 23, 2012 at 8:19 pm
No, no, no. HAND-RUBBED COPPERTONE was the #1 tanner back then.
I was a teenager in the ’70s, so he’d have gone to jail, but at least his butt would have matched the rest of himmmmm-mmm-mm-m…if the rest of him was orange.
January 23, 2012 at 8:20 pm
Oh, you said the ’80s. Even better, then.
January 23, 2012 at 10:31 am
(Captain CaaaaaAAAAaaaaaveguuuuurrrrrl!!! Sorry, I hear that in my head whenever I read your name…)
And yeah, me too, I think I just turned asexual.
January 23, 2012 at 10:08 am
They put some much time and attention into the pattern on the tie, and the jacket…Did they just run out of focus by the time they reached the face?
January 23, 2012 at 10:42 am
Either the weed wore off or the acid kicked in.
January 23, 2012 at 11:17 am
Unfortunately, drawing a post-reconstructive-surgery burn victim’s face is a little more complex than copying simple geometric patterns.
It’s almost like space started working differently by the time they got to the face.
January 24, 2012 at 1:14 pm
I’m not so sure about that. The jacket is just two strips. Where are the lapels? The whole thing is just so out of proportion that I can’t even look at it. It’s giving me a headache.
January 23, 2012 at 10:08 am
Hmm, $500?
KICKSTARTER TIME
January 23, 2012 at 10:09 am
I thought that was the cover of Jerry Seinfeld’s “Sein Language.”
January 23, 2012 at 10:09 am
Must be the assemble-it-yourself IKEA version of Rob Lowe. There’s always a few bolts missing.
January 23, 2012 at 10:23 am
I think I see where the Allen wrench goes.
January 23, 2012 at 10:09 am
Nice shawl, Rob.
January 23, 2012 at 10:10 am
“$500 for a drawing of a vest, black dress shirt and tie. Oh and sketch of some guys face! I’ll just say it’s a celebrity. Someone will totally buy this, right?”
January 23, 2012 at 10:10 am
That is the most accurate Regretsy math I’ve seen yet!
January 23, 2012 at 10:10 am
My favorite part is that it’s a “graphite drawing,” like people aren’t going to know that means pencil.
January 23, 2012 at 11:27 am
Is it bad that I really want to color that in with glitter pens and fingerpaint?
January 23, 2012 at 1:44 pm
That would be the best thing to do with that piece of crap!
January 23, 2012 at 2:10 pm
That would just make it even more especial.
January 24, 2012 at 6:50 am
If we say “graphite” instead of “pencil”, we can charge at least $300 more.
Also, saying “drawing” instead of “art therapy hour in the in-patient ward” sets you up for working with the big galleries.
Really, marketing is just about spin.
January 23, 2012 at 10:11 am
If Rob Lowe had a partially formed second head growing out of his regular head I’m pretty sure it would look like this.
January 23, 2012 at 10:11 am
His eyes sparkle with a life and fire that was never present in the real thing.
January 23, 2012 at 10:24 am
st elmos frier perhaps?
January 23, 2012 at 10:12 am
Wow that sucks.
January 23, 2012 at 6:11 pm
I mean, it sucks that I don’t have my tax return yet so that I can buy this……
January 23, 2012 at 10:13 am
that is ‘literally’ the best deal ever.
Sloth-lowe!
fantastic.
January 23, 2012 at 10:15 am
I like the tie, bout the only thing they got right!(Mom said, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!)
Wouldn’t you like to meet the people behind these items, of course it would have to be on visiting days!
I love you Chuck!
January 23, 2012 at 10:51 am
(Mom said, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!)
I’m guessing your mom is not a regular Regretsian then.
January 23, 2012 at 12:03 pm
Mine is. And she’s the one that taught me the fine art of snark. Love you mama!
January 23, 2012 at 11:07 am
If you can’t say something nice about someone, come sit by me!
January 23, 2012 at 11:51 am
I knew that Dorothy Parker would be a fan of Regretsy!
January 23, 2012 at 9:15 pm
I always thought that was Bette Davis.
Of course, Dorothy Parker was a certified full-time bitch decades before Bette became a certified, full-time, OLD bitch.
January 23, 2012 at 10:30 pm
I thought that was Alice Roosevelt Longworth…she had embroidered it on a pillow. Apparently Teddy’s daughter was a crafter and a snarkster too.
January 23, 2012 at 10:16 am
I’m forever scratching my head over the fact that real artists like Bruce White (Velvet Geek) charge $300-$400 for their beautiful work and others on Etsy feel theirs—which often look like a sixth-grade drawing project that got a “C+”—are worth so much more. Color me perplexed.
January 23, 2012 at 10:18 am
Oops, saw it’s not Etsy…but y’all know what I mean.
January 23, 2012 at 10:51 am
We’ll sue you, like the tag says.
January 23, 2012 at 1:31 pm
It’s pretty simple. Skilled artists are good because they actually know something about art, and knowing what it’s worth is part of it. Basically: they know shit when they see it (including when it’s their own art that’s shitty), and they don’t over-inflate their own work’s value, because they know it’s a buyer’s market.
Bad amateur artists have no idea what good art is, or what it’s worth, so they think their art is great (because they lack the training needed to distinguish between great, good, and crap) and because they worked hard on it, and they like it, they think it must be worth a lot to other people too.
January 23, 2012 at 10:17 am
I must gaze upon this art while wearing my melted Baby Ruth wrapper earrings and eating Rocky Road ice cream.
Yes….excellent.
January 23, 2012 at 10:19 am
$500? I’m LOL’ing. Poor Rob!
January 23, 2012 at 10:22 am
Coincidentally, I am reading Rob Lowe’s memoir right now. I don’t think he would want this picture included in the photo section, unless it were to illustrated what might have happened had he not got clean.
Either that, or he could scare his kids into obedience by threatening them with Evil Daddy.
January 23, 2012 at 10:22 am
Just watched the “Portrait of Dorian Gray” the other day. Eerily similar…….
January 23, 2012 at 10:23 am
Suddenly his Drew Petersen character isn’t so creepy after all.
January 23, 2012 at 10:25 am
I think I see a little “post-accident” Busey in there.
January 23, 2012 at 12:11 pm
I see Robert Pattinson.
But now that you mention Busey, I see a little of him in there, too.
January 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm
I see Pattinson and Busey in there, along with a bad attempt at a John Waters mustache.
January 23, 2012 at 2:03 pm
See, I see the animated dude from the Take On Me music video. Or rather, the unholy crossing between a post-accident Busey and the animated dude. Some mad scientist has gone too far.
January 23, 2012 at 10:27 am
Shouldn’t this also be filed in ‘garbage’?
January 23, 2012 at 11:41 am
Better idea, it’s January and the woodstove is roaring.
January 23, 2012 at 10:38 am
$500? My God, I’ve been sitting on a GOLD MINE! I have to go dig my fourth grade sketch books out of storage…
January 23, 2012 at 10:41 am
Do you think this drawing I’d haunted? I hope so.
January 23, 2012 at 10:52 am
Every time I forget just how frightening 1980s hair was, something crawls out of a closet to remind me.
January 23, 2012 at 11:53 am
Oh, come on! It could be SO much worse. Three little words…
Flock. Of. Seagulls.
*shudder*
January 23, 2012 at 12:01 pm
True. No one could run THAT far away!
January 23, 2012 at 12:43 pm
I see what you did there as you “walk along the avenue”
January 23, 2012 at 10:52 am
You know, you didn’t have to go and tell me that it was Rob Lowe’s Playgirl cover. Anyone can easily see that.
January 23, 2012 at 10:52 am
I stared at the drawing for a few moments before scrolling down thinking, “Is this the same Rob Lowe I’m thinking about? Because it can’t possibly- oh god it is.”
January 23, 2012 at 10:55 am
I was led to believe he used his longtime friendship with Robert Wagner as the basis for his portrayal of #2 in the second Austin Powers movie. Now I’m thinking this “graphite drawing” might have played a huge part in Rob’s performance, since it’s definitely #2 in so many ways.
January 23, 2012 at 11:11 am
You know, I remember the ’80s and my memories of those days always make me cringe a little. (the hair, the shoulder pads. The shoulder pads!)
Now… now those memories will make me cry.
January 23, 2012 at 11:14 am
art = craigslist.find(“rob lowe”);
while (true) {
art = etsy.requestSculpt3d(art);
art = craigslist.requestGraphite(art);
}
I’m thinking in a few spins through that loop, we’ll have new alien lifeforms to show NASA…
January 23, 2012 at 11:19 am
The only thing I like about Rob Low is that scene in About Last Night where he and Demi Moore go to the kitchen naked. And in all honesty, I really wasn’t paying all that much attention to Demi…
January 23, 2012 at 11:28 am
Does your eye hang Lowe? Does it wobble to and fro?
January 23, 2012 at 11:40 am
Except for the glorious teeth it isn’t the worst Martin Short DWG ever. It is a new low for Rob though.
January 23, 2012 at 11:42 am
Poor Rob Lowe. No one told me about the accident!
. . .or has he really just been Gary Busey this whole time?
January 23, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Let’s be fair it is REALLY HARD to draw while masturbating to Playgirl at the same time!
January 23, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Let’s be fair, it is REALLY HARD to masterbate to Plagirl…
January 23, 2012 at 7:36 pm
REALLY HARD!
January 23, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Someone call Buckaroo Banzai! Lord John Whorfin is making another break for the 8th Dimension!
January 23, 2012 at 12:50 pm
I love this post as I rarely get an excuse to regale people with my story of how I once escorted Rob Lowe to the restroom. He took it from there. Nice guy and very funny.
January 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Clearly, a decimal point is missing. But even $5.00 is too much for that. Unless it’s my grandchild. Then I would pay for it and put it in a drawer somewhere where I didn’t have to look at it.
January 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm
Hi, Straight Guy here.
Question:
Does Playgirl show “wang”?
Just curious.
January 23, 2012 at 1:52 pm
They did the last time I picked it up, but that was a long time ago.
January 23, 2012 at 9:22 pm
They show artfully arranged, flaccid “wang.”
I was just reading about a club where everyone had to tell a dirty joke, and if you got squeamish and used a euphemism you were kicked out.
January 23, 2012 at 1:47 pm
HEY YOU GUUUUYS!!!
(I’m just surprised nobody else said it – it was all I could think when I saw this!)
January 23, 2012 at 1:54 pm
Somebody has over indulgent parents. This guy had to be encouraged by someone to purse his “artistic abilities”. And for him to think that schlock is worth $500, Mommy must have made him think he is the next Picasso.
January 23, 2012 at 2:11 pm
I think he mistakenly put up his drawing of Clint Howard.
January 23, 2012 at 3:34 pm
I see a hint of Christopher Walken in Sleepy Hollow.
January 23, 2012 at 3:55 pm
I know that we all want to be nice, and we tell our friends and family that we like what they do, but this is what happens when you don’t provide needed reality checks.
(I just saw The Goonies for the first time a couple of weeks ago, so I was able to recognize that picture. In case you are wondering, I didn’t see it when I was a kid because it didn’t exist when I was a kid.)
January 23, 2012 at 4:24 pm
You know Rob’s character on Parks & Rec is so positive he would say, “That is LIT-TRAL-LY the greatest drawing ever.”
January 23, 2012 at 5:26 pm
Weird, Jesse from Breaking Bad was the first thing that popped into my mind.
January 23, 2012 at 6:56 pm
You can see exactly the point where the artist’s recreational drugs wore off: right after he/she/it finished drawing that sea urchin with lips atop the nice suit and tie.
January 23, 2012 at 8:26 pm
Is it my imagination, or is Rob Lowe totally baked in that Playgirl photo?
January 23, 2012 at 9:26 pm
How old was he there? A year and a half later he was videotaping a three-way with underaged girls at the Marriott in Atlanta during the Democratic Convention.
January 23, 2012 at 9:42 pm
I never thought a drawing could give me nightmares…until today…
January 24, 2012 at 4:21 am
I have had the shittiest day possible, but this post made me laugh so hard I hurt my stomach and a bit of pee came out. Helen Killer, you’re a fucking legend. MEOW LOVE CHUNK! MEOW LOVE REGRETSY!
January 24, 2012 at 3:43 pm
Wait a minute…David Byrne did an issue of PlayGirl??? Now that is something I might have to get my hands on…
(don’t judge me!)
January 28, 2012 at 8:44 am
$3.75? In 1987? What, am I made of money?