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My Fiverr Valentine: Day 1

One of my greatest discoveries last year was Fiverr, where we found such luminaries as Dancing Dror and the delicious Sam Cornwell.

All this week, I’ll be featuring Valentine suggestions from Fiverr, the place where people do things for five dollars because the world is a terribly cruel place and nothing is fair.

I hope you enjoy this week of special videos, because it cost $25.

First up:

A VALENTINE DANCE FROM SPANDY ANDY

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196 comments on My Fiverr Valentine: Day 1

  1. SonOfSmockHocker
    January 23, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    That was awesome beyond words.

    Thumb up Thumb down +142

    • CaitlinExplosion
      January 23, 2012 at 6:05 pm

      It was mesmerizing. I think I’m in love.

      Thumb up Thumb down +58

      • missrae
        January 23, 2012 at 6:20 pm

        You think? I know. The neon beams of spandex caught my eyes and I’ve been blinded to anything else ever since…

        Thumb up Thumb down +51

        • missrae
          January 23, 2012 at 6:21 pm

          (And by ever since, I mean the last minute or so.)

          Thumb up Thumb down +20

      • fairyberryfizz
        January 23, 2012 at 8:15 pm

        I love him. He looks like a Jewish Hobbit.

        Thumb up Thumb down +84

        • whimsiclefucker
          January 24, 2012 at 4:10 am

          I’m thinking George Clinton raped Dougie Houser.

          Thumb up Thumb down +11

        • I like pie
          January 24, 2012 at 5:30 am

          Can a gay Brothah’ get a table dance?

          Thumb up Thumb down +13

    • reneeshajackson
      January 23, 2012 at 6:22 pm

      that was totally worth every cent.

      Thumb up Thumb down +56

      • ersatzfurhats
        January 23, 2012 at 10:17 pm

        Agreed. I would like $20.00 worth on my desk tomorrow morning for me to snort.

        Thumb up Thumb down +9

      • BlancmangeFunction
        January 24, 2012 at 10:30 am

        Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

        Thumb up Thumb down -101

    • evacooper
      January 24, 2012 at 4:52 am

      i love how he grins the whole time…

      Thumb up Thumb down +24

    • Utah Dogsitter
      January 27, 2012 at 3:29 pm

      What would be awesome also is if one of you BF Losers could edit his photo into the Wikipedia Spandex page. There’s a wrestler and some chick playing volleyball; I think he belongs there too, but my internets skills are lacking.

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

  2. Dawno
    January 23, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Brilliant!

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  3. for.fucksticks
    January 23, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    SO GOOD.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  4. saintlov
    January 23, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    That made my day! My new hero is Spandy Andy! No words.. should have… sent a … FJL!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  5. RedSoloCup
    January 23, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    APRIL!! Thank you! That cheered me up immensely. That kid is talented!

    Seriously awesome! And, it was just $5?

    Thumb up Thumb down +49

    • blackgermanshepherd
      January 23, 2012 at 6:03 pm

      $5…Amazing…Spandy Andy really delivers!!

      Thumb up Thumb down +10

      • RedSoloCup
        January 23, 2012 at 6:31 pm

        Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

        Thumb up Thumb down -55

        • jamisings
          January 23, 2012 at 9:17 pm

          Are you kidding. He just needs one of these to go viral and he’ll be set up for life with money from pistachio ads. Honey badger ain’t got nothin’ on SA!

          Thumb up Thumb down +46

        • Misantharista
          January 23, 2012 at 10:09 pm

          This is what April said. “All this week, I’ll be featuring Valentine suggestions from Fiverr, the place where people do things for five dollars because the world is a terribly cruel place and nothing is fair.

          I hope you enjoy it, because it cost $25.” Which my remaining brain cells tell me means, April spent $5 each on five days’ worth of Fiverr Valentine stuff, which adds up to $25 TOTAL. Meaning, this AMAZEBALLS video did, in fact, cost $5. Not $25.

          Now, I may not have TERRIBLY many brain cells left, but I do think there’s just enough to be correct here.

          So, yeah. TOTALLY worth the FIVE dollars April spent! (And I thank you for the much-needed laugh, April.)

          Thumb up Thumb down +53

          • WateryTart
            January 24, 2012 at 5:49 am

            Thank you, Misantharista! If you had not, I would have attempted it, and my version would have come out sounding a lot less-constructive.

            I can’t wait for the next 4 days!

            Thumb up Thumb down +8

    • MsBitchhands
      January 23, 2012 at 8:23 pm

      This truly IS proof that April loves us FJL’s SOFA KING much…

      Thumb up Thumb down +21

      • Zippy
        January 23, 2012 at 8:38 pm

        SOFA KING – for all your lying needs!

        Thumb up Thumb down +14

  6. mamaursula
    January 23, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Aw, Spandy Andy was totally worth $25.

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

    • Helen Killer
      January 23, 2012 at 5:52 pm

      Oh no, Spandy Andy was just $5. The whole WEEK of Fiverr Valentines was $25.

      Thumb up Thumb down +127

      • GranoblasticMan
        January 23, 2012 at 6:22 pm

        Dammit, HK, don’t be a cocktease! There better be four more of these coming!

        God I love Fiverr xD

        Thumb up Thumb down +12

        • GranoblasticMan
          January 23, 2012 at 6:23 pm

          I reread the original post for clarification, but y’know what? I just like to call HK a cocktease.

          Thumb up Thumb down +30

      • RedSoloCup
        January 23, 2012 at 6:32 pm

        Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! What a deal!! That’s awesome.

        I thought it was $5, then I thought it was $25…but there’s a whole week and that’s great!

        Thumb up Thumb down +13

      • Zippy
        January 23, 2012 at 8:45 pm

        So HKpril loves us 5x more than we thought! Your move, people who saaay they love us…

        (I hope sexy ladies are on the Fiverr. Don’t discrimin8!)

        Thumb up Thumb down +15

      • Whimsee
        January 23, 2012 at 9:06 pm

        That is one spandalicious Fiverr Valentine. I’m pining for diamonds thanks to him LOL :D

        Thumb up Thumb down +5

  7. TexasJeans
    January 23, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    That boy can move! I’d do him.

    Thumb up Thumb down +66

    • Lola
      January 23, 2012 at 7:01 pm

      I’d do him if he kept his glasses on. That boy is fit!

      Thumb up Thumb down +38

      • Getoffmylawn
        January 24, 2012 at 5:58 am

        I couldn’t stop staring at his thighs! Wow, I guess Hollywood Montrose was right, dancing does strengthen the legs!

        Thumb up Thumb down +24

        • angelbuttons77
          January 26, 2012 at 10:47 am

          Holy CRAP those things are hot – wonder if he does spin, or bike races? He has some Lance Armstrong shit going on there…

          Thumb up Thumb down +2

    • Tygerlil
      January 23, 2012 at 9:54 pm

      Yes.

      Thumb up Thumb down +4

      • Beeby
        January 24, 2012 at 5:29 am

        Every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Me-yow. Those glasses ain’t foolin’ anybody.

        God, I feel like a perv. (I blame it on poops and her pie-writing.)

        Thumb up Thumb down +17

  8. CJAway
    January 23, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    My heart is a-twitter with love and fuckery.

    Thumb up Thumb down +37

    • GranoblasticMan
      January 23, 2012 at 6:24 pm

      Fuck a-twitter, my heart is a-facebooked!

      Thumb up Thumb down +29

  9. FantasticFanatic
    January 23, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    That made my nose bleed a little, the awesomeness was that intense.

    Thumb up Thumb down +33

  10. Ree
    January 23, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    I want one.

    Thumb up Thumb down +44

  11. Ivanna Scream
    January 23, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    Awesome! Something about the sweet voice, and “Namaste, Bitches!” just cracked me up

    Thumb up Thumb down +74

    • FluffyBunnyTurds
      January 23, 2012 at 6:46 pm

      For me, that was the delicious cherry on top of a luscious spandex sundae!

      Thumb up Thumb down +19

      • GranoblasticMan
        January 23, 2012 at 7:08 pm

        Luscious Spandex Sundae. New band name. You in?

        Thumb up Thumb down +38

        • BewilderingDialogue
          January 23, 2012 at 8:17 pm

          I’m in! I’ll start gluing stuff to other stuff right away!

          Thumb up Thumb down +21

          • GranoblasticMan
            January 23, 2012 at 8:39 pm

            Awesome. We’re gonna be famous!

            Thumb up Thumb down +7

          • GranoblasticMan
            January 23, 2012 at 8:54 pm

            Oh shit! Wait, can any of us like… sing? Or play an instrument?

            Hmm…

            No, y’know what, that’s not important. We’ll just show up, have the roadies gradually bring an inordinate number of instruments one-by-one on stage, doing various mic checks. Then we show up on stage, grab some instruments, and shout, “HELLO CLEVELAND! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?” wait a minute, and then say, “Oh, okay I guess not,” and leave.

            Thumb up Thumb down +23

          • FluffyBunnyTurds
            January 24, 2012 at 10:15 am

            I’m only in if we can have one of these…

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=GHT8qbx260Q#!

            Thumb up Thumb down 0

        • Alicewithwings
          January 25, 2012 at 1:46 pm

          I am willing to learn to play the accordion for this endeavor. Only the accordion, though.

          Thumb up Thumb down +1

    • CrazyChainLady
      January 24, 2012 at 5:25 am

      It was the perfect ending! Love. The. Whole. Thing.

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

  12. Mina
    January 23, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    The diamonds on his spandex were hypnotic. In the good way.

    Thumb up Thumb down +45

  13. ramsgirldesign
    January 23, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    I’m in LOVE!

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

    • GranoblasticMan
      January 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

      I wish I had some kind of impressive skill to show off so I could get the admiration of all the FJLs.

      *belch*

      Oh well, back to drinking beer.

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

  14. Thats Mrs. Bitch to you
    January 23, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Namaste Spandy! And a big ol’ juicy smoochie from this fat, jealous, gray-haired loser.

    Thumb up Thumb down +23

    • blackgermanshepherd
      January 23, 2012 at 6:02 pm

      Can we share?? -signed another fat, jealous, gray-haired loser

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

      • BewilderingDialogue
        January 23, 2012 at 6:44 pm

        No way! He’s all mine!! You can have Dror!!

        First of all, what Andy lacks in hairy smoldering sexuality, he more than makes up for with color and moves, baby!

        Second of all, my hair is just half gray at this point, so I outrank you FJL’s!!!

        So there!

        Thumb up Thumb down +14

  15. der Glitzkrieg
    January 23, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    Everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. Definitely worth the five bucks.

    Thumb up Thumb down +39

    • RedSoloCup
      January 23, 2012 at 7:09 pm

      That’s how you know that something is just right, everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

      Thumb up Thumb down +22

      • BewilderingDialogue
        January 23, 2012 at 8:18 pm

        That’s pretty much my life philosophy at this point!

        Thumb up Thumb down +8

      • GranoblasticMan
        January 24, 2012 at 12:10 am

        I dunno, sometimes a little pain does a body good.

        Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • Zippy
      January 23, 2012 at 8:50 pm

      You are beautiful and hurt-free for quoting Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

      Thumb up Thumb down +13

  16. frickineh
    January 23, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    I’m in class so I had to watch on silent and it was still magnificent. I can’t even wait to get home and have my mind blown. In fact, maybe fuck class. PROFESSOR, I HAVE TO GO HOME NOW THERE IS A VIDEO I NEED TO WATCH.

    Thumb up Thumb down +41

    • Mugsy Doodle
      January 23, 2012 at 6:03 pm

      Try a Far Side line: “Can I go home now? My brain is full.”

      Thumb up Thumb down +44

      • sterling say what
        January 23, 2012 at 6:29 pm

        My anatomy professor keeps insisting that there is NO WAY that our brains can get full. I keep telling him that there is NO WAY that Gary Larson could be wrong.

        Thumb up Thumb down +70

    • GranoblasticMan
      January 23, 2012 at 7:10 pm

      Hey, you have to keep your priorities straight. Regretsy is definitely higher priority than listening to some old man ramble on for an hour.

      Thumb up Thumb down +13

      • GranoblasticMan
        January 24, 2012 at 12:12 am

        Aww I got downvotes. Alright, which of you FJLs lecture for a living? -_-

        Thumb up Thumb down +16

  17. HoneyBoy
    January 23, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    I made an account just to say this was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

    Thumb up Thumb down +44

    • dbvs
      January 23, 2012 at 8:16 pm

      The gateway post! You’re doomed now.

      Thumb up Thumb down +29

      • BewilderingDialogue
        January 23, 2012 at 8:19 pm

        Absolutely! I made an account just to comment on one thing and look at me now… a FJL4L!!

        Thumb up Thumb down +6

  18. BadMiya
    January 23, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    That…was awesome. <3 Regretsy

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  19. loriega
    January 23, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    I loved that way more than I should.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  20. SamCornwell
    January 23, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    Oh Andy. This guy is my personal hero. I’ve never spoken to anyone with such a positive outlook on life.

    I can also promise you that his dancing gets even better than above.

    Thumb up Thumb down +74

  21. WhoopsyDaisy
    January 23, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    FIrst time my dh ever saw anything on regretsy and he KNOWS Spandy Andy! Or recognized him from our trip to Marineland – he had unnatural relations with a seal. It was awkward, but the kids loved him.
    SPANDY ANDY FTW!

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

    • MousePotato
      January 23, 2012 at 6:27 pm

      I have been seeing “dh” on the baby website I am on currently. When I saw it here I realized this must be a thing that has passed me by on the internet.

      Urban Dictionary suggested “dearest husband” “donkey humper” and “dick head”. I love the options.

      Thumb up Thumb down +34

      • BeanSprouts
        January 23, 2012 at 8:47 pm

        Nice. I had the same quandry about this ‘dh’ that kept popping up on parenting websites.
        In my mind ‘dh’ has always referred to ‘dry hump.’

        Thumb up Thumb down +10

        • Zippy
          January 23, 2012 at 8:53 pm

          designated humper?

          Thumb up Thumb down +18

          • GranoblasticMan
            January 24, 2012 at 12:13 am

            Always have to have one of those before you go out drinking.

            Thumb up Thumb down +8

          • WateryTart
            January 24, 2012 at 5:54 am

            Good advice, GranoblasticMan; planning ahead will save on in-the-morning awkwardness.

            Thumb up Thumb down +3

      • jennp
        January 24, 2012 at 4:43 pm

        amongst my baseball-loving friends, “dh” is “designated husband”.

        Thumb up Thumb down 0

    • BewilderingDialogue
      January 23, 2012 at 6:45 pm

      The important information you left out is whether or not Spandy Andy was in costume when he diddled that seal?

      Inquiring minds need to know!!

      Thumb up Thumb down +13

      • GranoblasticMan
        January 23, 2012 at 7:11 pm

        Diddled? No sir/ma’am. That was seduction, plain and simple.

        Thumb up Thumb down +12

        • Beeby
          January 24, 2012 at 5:33 am

          If involved champagne and poetry reading, it was seduction. If it involved sneaking up behind the seal on tiptoe with a ball-gag, it was diddling.

          Thumb up Thumb down +10

  22. alicet
    January 23, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    I love this kid.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  23. rumorsofmydemise
    January 23, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    I just peed a little.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  24. A-bomb-sabio
    January 23, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    It might be difficult to make out with him while he’s jumping around like that, but I’m going to try, goshdernit.

    Thumb up Thumb down +27

  25. k8sxsx
    January 23, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    I think this will be even more fun to watch after I’ve had a few drinks. That…whatever the hell he’s wearing is amazing.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • GranoblasticMan
      January 23, 2012 at 7:39 pm

      HEY!!! I’m not sure if you’re AWARE, but we have RULES around here! Such as, there’s a four-drink minimum before posting on Regretsy.

      Thumb up Thumb down +10

      • Selflothius
        January 23, 2012 at 8:38 pm

        And at least a handful of pills.

        Thumb up Thumb down +5

  26. the-megan-show
    January 23, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    First I love that he’s a crazy canuck and second this ridiculousness at a public beach is so many kinds of amazing – http://youtu.be/PXYjgHC_Ycw

    Thumb up Thumb down +25

    • Solipsy
      January 23, 2012 at 10:29 pm

      Thank YOU for THAT, t-m-s! Entertaining as fuck-all, then I just spent the next half hour lmao at several of his other YouTube vids. What a great find, HK, and he should be famous!

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

      • WateryTart
        January 24, 2012 at 6:01 am

        That was so great! The best part is that he does all of this with such joy–it brightens my day.

        And I didn’t think that it could get much better than HK’s Valentine, but it did!

        Thumb up Thumb down +2

    • Touch of Magic
      January 24, 2012 at 7:15 am

      That one was great! Then I saw this one where he talks about his beginnings – http://www.youtube.com/user/SpandyAndyDotCom/featured
      I love him even more now!

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

    • stefaniey
      January 24, 2012 at 7:09 pm

      He’s an Aussie. Hands off ladies, he’s mine!

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

  27. printress dye
    January 23, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Thanks Spandy Andy, I feel all warm & glowy, except now I feel ripped off that I spent my hard earned $5 on a dirty hooker.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

    • RedSoloCup
      January 23, 2012 at 6:36 pm

      We all make mistakes sometimes.

      Thumb up Thumb down +9

    • CrazyChainLady
      January 24, 2012 at 5:27 am

      Call Mulligan on the whole deal and start over with Spandy Andy!

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

  28. berge
    January 23, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    So much spandex! So much cute!

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  29. Goldicocks
    January 23, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    April–

    Tonight I found out I’m losing my health insurance. I needed this post.

    Thanks for the laughs.

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

    • BewilderingDialogue
      January 23, 2012 at 6:50 pm

      Spandy gets around!! He was on “So You Think You Can Dance Canada: Season 3″!!

      Wow! April got a real live celebrity to dance for her for only $5!!

      Thumb up Thumb down +16

  30. DoBeDoBeadDo
    January 23, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    That was a little slice of sunshine in this rainy L.A. day. Namaste, Bitches, indeed.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  31. Victoria Regina
    January 23, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    What a great pair of thighs!

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

    • CalmlyUnaware
      January 23, 2012 at 7:21 pm

      I know, right! God, I love good legs on a man. He is so clearly gay, and would therefore probably not want to do me (I have girl cooties), But I wonder if he would just lemme touch his legs. I would be willing to give him five bucks for that, too.

      Thumb up Thumb down +11

      • GranoblasticMan
        January 23, 2012 at 7:41 pm

        Hey, I’m a straight man, but I’d pay $5 to touch his legs too. Sometimes you just need to appreciate a good pair of gams.

        Thumb up Thumb down +25

      • fvd
        January 25, 2012 at 5:24 pm

        I don’t think he’s gay, actually, since there’s a video with his girlfriend in it on his YouTube channel.

        Thumb up Thumb down 0

  32. Rauny
    January 23, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    I know what I want for my next birthday.

    Everyone to bring $5, and a raised platform to build the party around.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  33. Lady Kwake
    January 23, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    I can’t decide if that spandex suit frightens me or if I want to steal it. But I have decided that he is a pretty good dancer! I want his knees.

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

    • RedSoloCup
      January 23, 2012 at 6:37 pm

      You know you want it. I want it…I’d love to vacuum in that outfit.

      Thumb up Thumb down +15

  34. Patty got abducted by a Steampunk Alien
    January 23, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    I love him so much.

    Can we keep him?

    Thumb up Thumb down +38

  35. User1000101
    January 23, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    Oh my goodness! This is brilliant! Andy, you are a beaming ray of sunshine!

    the-megan-show, that clip you posted of him at Bondi just made the fiverr clip 100x better!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

    • User1000101
      January 23, 2012 at 6:34 pm

      I derped, I got my beaches wrong. I meant St Kilda, not Bondi >.<

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

  36. nummymuffincocobutter
    January 23, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Beautiful! I love him! I rate him 9.5 centiDrors, though maybe it is unfair to compare him to the awesomeness of Dror. I love Dror’s little belly and nekkid fuzziness, but Spandy Andy’s obnoxious… spandex… jumpsuit… thing… is kind of amazing too.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

    • nummymuffincocobutter
      January 23, 2012 at 6:42 pm

      Um, okay, I think I meant 95 centiDrors? Fuck the goddamn metric system.

      Thumb up Thumb down +20

      • GranoblasticMan
        January 23, 2012 at 7:14 pm

        How many pints of lager is a centiDror?

        Thumb up Thumb down +9

        • Zippy
          January 23, 2012 at 9:05 pm

          100 legs is a centipede
          4 pints of lager is when I peed
          8 pints is when I peed my drawers
          Dror has 2 legs…

          This is the Kobayashi Maru of Math problems, or I’m drunk.

          Thumb up Thumb down +29

          • GranoblasticMan
            January 24, 2012 at 12:15 am

            Thank you, Zippy. I think from here on out, you are the official Keeper of the Units.

            Thumb up Thumb down +10

    • OldPhatMC
      January 23, 2012 at 7:51 pm

      Oh no, you’re comparing the rich smokey coffee goodness of Dror to the bright happy Skittley tastiness of Spandy Andy. Equal brilliance but clearly different flavors.

      Thumb up Thumb down +47

      • BewilderingDialogue
        January 23, 2012 at 8:15 pm

        Well said! Seriously!

        Thumb up Thumb down +11

      • nummymuffincocobutter
        January 23, 2012 at 9:42 pm

        Well you can see my mental capacity was/is diminished. I don’t even disagree with you, but it is hard not to compare later goofy fiver dancers to the one I’ve loved for months now!

        Thumb up Thumb down +8

        • OldPhatMC
          January 23, 2012 at 11:11 pm

          Oh, not to worry. Comparisons were inevitable, but both Dror and Andy are such charming and likable fellas that we’d hope the universe could handle two of them. String theory suggests that there are eight more dancing sprites out there — one for each dimension. I just hope that Michio Kaku isn’t into spandex these days.

          Thumb up Thumb down +7

          • Mugsy Doodle
            January 24, 2012 at 9:09 am

            “isn’t into spandex these days“????

            Thumb up Thumb down +1

  37. Switchie
    January 23, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    I love this guy! I’ve watched him 12 times already! I’m wetting my pants at the idea of more glorious fuckery to come.

    <3 Regretsy

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • GranoblasticMan
      January 23, 2012 at 7:15 pm

      I think I’ve read that phrase in an erotica somewhere… “wetting my pants at the idea of more glorious fuckery to come.”

      Thumb up Thumb down +16

  38. BewilderingDialogue
    January 23, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    Ummm… I don’t know how to break this to everybody but in this video – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQgs5w5UVXI – Spandy Andy only has one sleeve.

    Only. One. Sleeve.

    He also looks like he got his shorts from some Etsy seller…

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • BewilderingDialogue
      January 23, 2012 at 6:55 pm

      He only has one sleeve in this Fivrr video, also. Plus mismatched socks. How could I have been so blinded by his smile that I didn’t notice before?!?!?

      Thumb up Thumb down +11

      • CalmlyUnaware
        January 23, 2012 at 7:24 pm

        Don’t feel too bad. I totally didn’t notice until you pointed it out. His just so damned good-looking. And the way his body moves in combination with the crazy diamond pattern? *sigh*

        Thumb up Thumb down +10

        • BewilderingDialogue
          January 23, 2012 at 8:38 pm

          Well, yeah. And he’s a MUCH better dancer than sad hipster of the one sleeve…

          I guess we can forgive his asymmetry just this once!

          Thumb up Thumb down +6

          • EyeHeartSpiders
            January 24, 2012 at 10:45 am

            Pretty sure looking like you’re having fun automatically eliminates you from any possibility of hipsterism.

            Thumb up Thumb down +7

  39. frankenmouse
    January 23, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    I’m still struggling with the tail end of my first episode of major depression and haven’t had much to smile about lately.

    This made me both smile and laugh out loud. And that felt so fucking good after spending most days with random crying jags. Thanks so much to both April and Spandy Andy for the gift!

    Thumb up Thumb down +36

    • CalmlyUnaware
      January 23, 2012 at 7:26 pm

      *hugs* hang in there. It doesn’t feel like it now, but things really do get better. :D One day at a time.

      Thumb up Thumb down +14

    • GranoblasticMan
      January 23, 2012 at 7:45 pm

      Hey, I know a lot of us have been there. Personally, I’ve struggled with it my entire life. As one of my rare sincere posts here on Regretsy, if you need to vent or whatever, I’m available at my username @gmail.com Just put Regretsy in the subject so I know it’s not spam =P

      Thumb up Thumb down +17

    • BewilderingDialogue
      January 23, 2012 at 8:15 pm

      Best relapse prevention is to take your med’s religiously, get into/keep going to therapy with a therapist you find to be effective and to exercise everyday.

      I’m pretty sure laughing at the wonder which is Spandy Andy counts as the latter.

      Good luck. If you keep working at it, it’ll work!

      Thumb up Thumb down +9

    • Solipsy
      January 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

      I was just in your place a month ago, and still digging up. I felt soooooo good just watching his enthusiasm and humor, and dancing along with him. Just do it!

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • GranoblasticMan
      January 24, 2012 at 12:19 am

      Hey, so I’ve been checking my e-mail all night. You wouldn’t happen to be the lady who sent me the seductive e-mail that stated, “Hello, I am single lady in your city. Please see my pictures at [url redacted]”

      That wasn’t you, was it?

      Thumb up Thumb down +13

      • frankenmouse
        January 24, 2012 at 5:25 am

        Oh yeah, that was totally me. ;)

        But seriously, thanks so much for the offer. I’m well on my way to mending via (as mentioned above) meds, therapy, and exercise. Hopefully things will just keep getting a little better one day at a time!

        Thumb up Thumb down +7

      • frankenmouse
        January 24, 2012 at 5:26 am

        And by totally me, I mean not me at all.

        (I had /lie in pseudo-html, but forgot that this board actually USES html)

        Thumb up Thumb down +8

  40. Rubber_Wonder_Boy
    January 23, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    wow! 8o

    looks like a challenge to wrangle him. but i bet ANY fat jealous loser here can find a way to pin him down.

    but to make things fair, best add some wesson-ality, or j-lube.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  41. elsmama
    January 23, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    I think “Namaste, Bitches!” is going to be my new default greeting.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  42. LtotheE
    January 23, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    Did we ever manage to get together the Calendar of Regretsy Men (with Bronc, Dror, Towel Mike, et al.)? Because I think Spandy Andy should be in the 2012 edition.

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

    • Underalterego
      January 24, 2012 at 4:22 am

      That is such an awesome idea that I actually stopped breathing for a moment. Calender of Regretsy men… I’m swooooning at the thought – and that is swooooning with an extra oo for the thought of all that sumptuous manliness on display.
      The thought of PETJA as Mr. December asking me to sit on his knee has me all giddy…

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

  43. FuzzyUnderpants
    January 23, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    Thank you for this. I can now rest a little easier knowing that there is a man in neon harlequin print spandex in this world willing to dance for $5.

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

    • BewilderingDialogue
      January 23, 2012 at 9:34 pm

      Don’t forget the glasses!

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

  44. thecreightonberyl
    January 23, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    Outside of the Epileptic seizure I went into watching him, Spandy Andy was terrific.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  45. darn you, darn you to heck
    January 23, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    Holy thighs Batman! I think I’m in lust.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  46. Postmenopaws ™
    January 23, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    New slippers AND a bouncy right-handed dancing boy! What a night!!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  47. AFussyCussyHussy
    January 23, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    My Spidey-senses are tingling! And by “Spidey-senses” I mean my no-no parts.

    Andy is the neo-neon god of fucktopia. He’s like the Kool-aid at the party where everyone dresses in robes and talks about the “Ascension”. You know it’s wrong but it’s just too brightly colored, fruity and refreshing to pass up.

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

    • GreenEggsAndAlex
      January 24, 2012 at 11:30 am

      Uh, Flavor-Aid s the beverage of choice of fanatics.

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

  48. Gaybriel
    January 23, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Holy shit, I saw this guy performing on the street when I was in Canada. I never thought I would see that magnificent outfit again!

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  49. Toilet Trained at Gunpoint
    January 23, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    He is so precious. Is he up for adoption? Can I keep up with him if he is? He’s like a spandex Tigger.

    Thumb up Thumb down +26

    • BewilderingDialogue
      January 23, 2012 at 8:40 pm

      Apparantly, he’s on facebook. Go get ‘im, tiger!

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

      • GranoblasticMan
        January 24, 2012 at 12:20 am

        Christ. I would love to see his reaction tomorrow morning when he finds 140 marriage proposals in his inbox.

        Thumb up Thumb down +14

        • Underalterego
          January 24, 2012 at 4:30 am

          I couldn’t resist – I sent one :) Does the fact that I’m already married disqualify me?

          Thumb up Thumb down +6

  50. alderroots
    January 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    Cossack dance… in the middle @_@

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  51. Vyxian
    January 23, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    I loved everything about this. That would be the best Valentine gift that anyone could ever ask for!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  52. Nopers
    January 23, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    You obviously REALLY love us. There can be no other explanation for such a gift.

    Oh Spandy Andy, welcome to the CF4L lexicon.

    (Speaking of – can we get some more Sam Cornwell up in this??)

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

    • printress dye
      January 24, 2012 at 6:03 am

      Oh please let Sam be one of the Valentines Fivers.

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

  53. Hrist
    January 23, 2012 at 10:11 pm

    Is it just me, or is some of that dance a LOT like the one the cowboy dude learns in Footloose?

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  54. Solipsy
    January 23, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    From now on my daily fitness regimen will be smiling widely while frantically chair-dancing along with Spandy Andy, while drinking wine (of course). He’s infectious. The really, really good kind of infectious I don’t WANT to have treated!

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

    • GranoblasticMan
      January 24, 2012 at 12:21 am

      That may require an intervention later on down the line, however.

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

  55. MarchHare
    January 23, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    that just made me so happy.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  56. Misantharista
    January 23, 2012 at 10:30 pm

    This made me smile so hard my cheeks hurt.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  57. fuzzypicklehead
    January 23, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    It’s like somebody has hit the “everything’s ok” button.

    Helen, your post has made this world a better place. The warm-fuzzy/butthurt ratio of of the site (and therefore the world) has been irreversibly altered. I may have to go and punch a daffodil just to restore equilibrium.

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

  58. tchivai
    January 23, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    He pulls that off surprisingly well.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  59. Hero
    January 23, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    Omg I love Spandy Andy! I live in Vancouver and see him around. He performed at the Taboo Naughty but Nice convention last year, it was awesome. Is there any way for me to add a pic from my phone? I took a creeper shot of him from behind as he was strolling around downtown in his fantastic unitard

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • Hero
      January 23, 2012 at 11:16 pm

      PS this is my first post. I’ve been lurking for months an I just have to say, that I fucking love you people. If anyone is in Vancouver BC and wants to meet up give me a shout. We can hit Granville Island or Main Street to find some Regretsy worthy “arts and crafts”

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

      • terriwells
        January 24, 2012 at 7:08 am

        Oh my. I’m planning an Alaskan cruise later this year that leaves from Vancouver. This could get interesting.

        Thumb up Thumb down +3

    • Hostilebear
      January 24, 2012 at 10:50 am

      I’m in Calgary! I will TOTALLY fly out for a Regretsy night.

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

      • Hero
        January 24, 2012 at 3:03 pm

        terri, when is your cruise? We’ll see how many people we can get together to give you a proper send off! I’m sure Hostilebear will be up for that ;)

        Thumb up Thumb down 0

    • Swivels
      January 25, 2012 at 10:48 pm

      Spandy Andy is awesome! I’m in Vancouver too…I was a zombie in a burlesque Thriller number that Spandy Andy guest starred in back in October. I could not look at him on stage because I would just start laughing too much and break character.

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

  60. vampje
    January 24, 2012 at 12:53 am

    that
    was
    amazing
    if andy and dror ever did a dance off, i think my face would melt.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

    • Underalterego
      January 24, 2012 at 4:24 am

      I’d DEFINITELY pay $5 for that!

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

      • terriwells
        January 24, 2012 at 7:10 am

        Andy and Dror both? That’s worth at least $10 — $15 if we can get them into matching skimpy Speedos…

        Thumb up Thumb down +7

        • Mugsy Doodle
          January 24, 2012 at 9:12 am

          $50 if we could get them OUT of matching skimpy Speedos. ;)

          Thumb up Thumb down +4

          • researchgrrrl
            February 7, 2012 at 6:39 pm

            $100 if it ends in an open-mouth kiss!

            Thumb up Thumb down 0

  61. nitebyrd
    January 24, 2012 at 5:59 am

    He’s adorable! $5.00 well spent.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  62. invisibleman78
    January 24, 2012 at 6:10 am

    ‘Daawwwwwwwww! He’s totally adorkable!!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  63. Rock Paper Bullshit
    January 24, 2012 at 7:04 am

    NAMASTE, BITCHES.

    God, that was beautiful.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  64. Melauren
    January 24, 2012 at 7:15 am

    Spandy Andy.

    Matthew Gray Gubler.

    Superhero Team Of The Year?

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  65. mingamonga
    January 24, 2012 at 7:57 am

    That was fabulous, and he is absolutely adorable. More Spandy Andy, please!

    *and a note…guys should ONLY wear spandex bike shorts if they have THOSE thighs. Rawr!

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  66. 6eisha
    January 24, 2012 at 9:49 am

    I’m tempted to buy one for Etsy.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  67. EyeHeartSpiders
    January 24, 2012 at 10:48 am

    <3 <3 <3

    I love you too, April.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  68. Hostilebear
    January 24, 2012 at 10:51 am

    I like bright colors. And wow! Dude’s got one good dentist!

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  69. lizzielizzie
    January 24, 2012 at 11:06 am

    I love this man.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  70. jeninmaine
    January 24, 2012 at 11:27 am

    I found out more about him – look up Spandy Andy on yootoob. He quit his job at IBM to be a street performer. It’s actually a very touching and inspiring story! He is awesome!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  71. Silkenray
    January 24, 2012 at 11:39 am

    Is it just me or does Spandy Andy look like a silver age Batman villain?

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  72. Lucy B Love
    January 26, 2012 at 10:27 am

    I’m in love. And I want a suit just like that to wear to the grocery store.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  73. Jenn
    January 26, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    I CANNOT believe I’m saying this, but Spandex never looked so good!

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  74. jonesaholic
    January 27, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    i have to watch this again!
    … and again.
    and again.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  75. superkris
    February 1, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    After seeing this, I loved him so much, I had to go right out and buy a Spandy Andy video for my best friends. I can’t wait for it to arrive!

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

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