Don’t Cry For Me
This post first appeared on Regretsy on January 27, 2011
All through my sphincter
You met resistance
I kept my prostate
Don’t keep your distance
109 comments on Don’t Cry For Me
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January 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Fuck this!
January 21, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Doncha mean:
Buttfuck This!
January 21, 2012 at 4:14 pm
It would need to have a Republican candidate on it if you REALLY want it to buttfuck you correctly…
January 21, 2012 at 11:40 pm
Either that “wide stance” senator from the restroom or Rick Santorum.
January 21, 2012 at 4:11 pm
Two hours till Regretsy in person fuckery and booze-apalooza!!!
Sake to me Sake to me Sake to me
January 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Copper paint? On a butt plug? I sincerely hope that’s been glazed over and there’s no danger of it flaking off . . .
January 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm
The resemblance is uncanny! My butt would be proud!
January 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm
It’s the steampunk deconstructed upcycled mid-century modern minimalism version of Eva, *duh*!
January 21, 2012 at 2:35 pm
Actually, it looks like it’s based off this picture of her when she was 15 (and a brunette)…
January 21, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Officially making this Pedobear territory. Fantastic.
January 21, 2012 at 4:18 pm
January 21, 2012 at 4:29 pm
January 21, 2012 at 11:42 pm
Actually I thought that you’d but Pedobear on the plug. Kind of like those flip-books from childhood; turn the plug and see the story.
January 22, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Lemon bombs, I love you so much right now.
January 21, 2012 at 3:09 pm
Wow, this takes the creepery to a new level I don’t know if we’ve ever seen before.
(yes, I realize this a flashback post too.)
January 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm
All the questions to ask about this, but all I can think is why choose Eva Peron?
January 21, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Because Carol Channing’s still alive? And that would be TOO weird?
January 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm
Can you think of someone better than a politician?
January 21, 2012 at 4:30 pm
Insert (ha) Rick Santorum joke here.
January 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm
Such lies. That’s clearly Magnum P.I.
January 22, 2012 at 8:28 am
Looks like Borat to me.
January 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm
Why choose a butt plug? Wouldn’t decorative restrains done just as well? I am too asexual for thisl…
January 21, 2012 at 1:40 pm
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January 21, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Astroglide, turning “no” into “it’s never gonna–oh. Well, okay” since 1991.
January 21, 2012 at 2:30 pm
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January 21, 2012 at 5:37 pm
I could see it bringing out more of a George Takei-esque “Ohhhhh myyyy,” but that’s just me.
January 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm
I would only stick it up my butt if it had a button to play “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina” during the most inappropriate times of intimacy.
January 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm
You know, I think there’s a unoccupied product niche there– Why can I not buy musical sex toys!?
Nipple clamps with show tunes! Acappella dildos! Anal beads that play “Smells Like Teen Spirit”!
January 21, 2012 at 2:00 pm
Sex swings that play ‘The Man on the Flying Trapeze’!
January 21, 2012 at 2:14 pm
As if I didn’t already hate karaoke nights.
January 21, 2012 at 2:41 pm
It’s fun when you get the people who take it all seriously and sing Disney sountracks as if they’re trying to win a Tony. That’s when I go up there and give a rousing rendition of Alice Cooper’s “I Love The Dead” or “Cold Ethyl”.
January 21, 2012 at 11:48 pm
I will have nothing to do with karaoke, but I have been know to threaten music lovers with the most supremely over-mauldlin version (even with a good singer it’s still on the schmaltzy list) of Danny Boy that I can render. The naked fear in their eyes after I sing a line or two is most gratifying.
January 21, 2012 at 2:50 pm
Blow-up sex dolls that sing, “It’s a Small World After All”…
January 21, 2012 at 2:55 pm
hehe….”unoccupied niche”…hehe, yeah, I’ve got an unoccupied niche for this product.
January 21, 2012 at 5:38 pm
Oh Bob . . . Do we have any openings this man might fit??
January 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm
A Capella Dildos – wasn’t that the original name of the Manhattan Transfer?
January 21, 2012 at 4:51 pm
I’ve always thought breast implants with squeakers in them would be awesome. Just think of it:
*grope*
SQUEAK!
January 21, 2012 at 7:53 pm
Technically they already have them. There’s a vibrator you can plug into your iPod and it’ll do it’s thing in time to the music you play. I believe it’s called iBod.
January 21, 2012 at 11:49 pm
Dear Santa,
I already know what I want for next Christmas…..
January 22, 2012 at 2:27 am
Speaking of an unoccupied niche, I think you may be wrong there http://www.ohmibod.com/wired-vibrators/ohmibod.php
January 21, 2012 at 2:32 pm
There are devices you can plug into an ipod/mp3 player that will vibrate (or shock-if you’re into estim) to the beat of a song.
I know way too much.
January 21, 2012 at 2:51 pm
Apple’s missing the boat here. “Introducing… The iPlug! With 8GB of flash to store your favorite sex tunes.”
January 21, 2012 at 3:01 pm
Eh wallah!
January 21, 2012 at 11:50 pm
iPlub is so impersonal. Perhaps call it “Mac” in those intimate moments?
January 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Pearl, I’ve owned two of those. The first wasn’t great, but Babeland.com was happy to exchange it for the upgraded model, which was amazing.
January 21, 2012 at 3:13 pm
(for the record…they were the iBuzz and OhMiBod.)
January 21, 2012 at 5:39 pm
Was iCum already copyrighted?
January 21, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Babeland is basically amazing in general.
January 21, 2012 at 4:02 pm
“Evita Peron, los Santo Buttplugista”
January 21, 2012 at 4:05 pm
“So what happens now?? Why is this in my ass??”
“Don’t ask, anymore.”
Any guess who played Eva in high school??;)
January 21, 2012 at 7:27 pm
This would be a great gift for the descamisado in your life. Or despantalonesado.
January 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm
I guess maybe some of the conservative Argentinian establishment of the time considered her a pain in the butt, so maybe it’s KIND of appropriate…?
And on second thought, no.
January 21, 2012 at 1:45 pm
copper…?
In my ass…?
This was not a well thought out plan.
January 21, 2012 at 2:01 pm
At least its not lead-based paint. Copper paint: That’s what you get for high-quality American-made products!
Plus, Eva has a mustache. Do the math – this could easily be a collectors item some day.
January 21, 2012 at 3:09 pm
Is that a roll of pennies in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
January 21, 2012 at 3:59 pm
I’d be more concerned about the ceramic in my ass. That’s a breakable material, guys! I’m thinking 1guy 1jar, here. (Haven’t seen it? Its not so disturbing that the jar breaks in his ass, its the fact that he doesn’t react to it breaking, as if everything was going according to plan. Yeah don’t watch it…)
January 21, 2012 at 11:54 pm
Well maybe one of those ones with the motorcycle boots…. and I was really drunk…and, oh wait, wrong copper, sorry.
January 21, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Argentina won’t cry as long as you RELAX.
January 21, 2012 at 1:55 pm
As a ceramic artist, there are SO many things wromg with this idea. First off is the possibilty of the glaze having something bad in it. Next up is the fact that if this is porcelain and/or hollow, it’s ridiculously unsafe for use in super-tight muscles.
January 21, 2012 at 2:07 pm
That was my first thought. Those muscles are, like, SUPER muscles. And it’s going to be hollow. That seems like a bad combination to me.
January 21, 2012 at 4:53 pm
My first thought was “Why is there a picture of Cheech Marin on that butplug?”
January 21, 2012 at 2:03 pm
So, I guess we’ve moved on from collectible plates.
January 21, 2012 at 2:11 pm
I seriously thought this was Napoleon Bonaparte. See the hat?? See it?
January 21, 2012 at 2:14 pm
“Up yours, young people!”
January 21, 2012 at 2:16 pm
…This was supposed to be in reply to the Carol Channing comment. Up yours, Opera mobile.
January 21, 2012 at 5:39 pm
It’s still a lovely comment out of context.
January 21, 2012 at 2:19 pm
I’m not sure if this is a tribute…or for people who really don’t like Eva Perone.
Plus a hollow ceramic butt plug says to me..”Hello 911? Yes please send an ambulance. I have shattered pottery in my rectum. Thanks”
January 21, 2012 at 2:30 pm
Oy. There are some things that should not be painted…or handmade. It’s silly that children’s toys are regulated for safety and things like this are not. This cannot be safe or sanitary.
January 21, 2012 at 2:53 pm
Plus a hollow ceramic butt plug says to me..”Hello 911? Yes please send an ambulance. I have shattered pottery in my rectum. Thanks”
That’s a hit reality TV series, right there.
January 21, 2012 at 2:58 pm
I would seriously watch this. And feel better about myself. It’s like Cops and Jerry Springer all in one!
January 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm
they kinda do- its called ER… only y’know a real one. My best friend works in one- and some of the stories she tells me are hilarious. Apparently people fall down a lot onto things and they some how end up their rectum. My favorite- was the guy who got the T-rex toy up there by tripping and falling onto it.
January 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm
LOL! My ex father in law used to be a security guard in an ER. He told me about the people who seemed to fall on things in the shower a lot. Odd…most falls in the shower result in injury…not in anal penetration.
His favorite was the repeat patient who kept falling on glass coke bottles in the shower.
January 22, 2012 at 8:09 am
Haha, my friend has worked in ERs too! Once a guy fell off a ladder onto a bottle of ketchup! How his jeans came down in the process of the fall is a mystery…
January 22, 2012 at 2:22 pm
They need to bring back Emergency 911…and it needs to be hosted by William Shatner again.
Because if I can’t hear him narrating a story about someone with a broken ceramic Eva Peron buttplug lodged in their rectum, then I don’t want to hear anyone narrating it.
January 21, 2012 at 2:37 pm
Full description:
“silky smooth art to masturbate with!
small solid stoneware, from head to toe 10 cm long (4 inch) and with a diameter of 3 cm (1,2 inch). handmade one of a kind sculpture with a special portrait of Eva Peron painted with copper. easy to clean, easy to use (put in oven to warm!). concerned about heavy metal? use a condom.
handmade, one of a kind: nr 8 of a series of 45 (28 sculptures left)
i do not make new dildo’s anymore: this is a usable item and was part of an art serie
no model was used; all my ceramics are manually made/ rotated”
January 21, 2012 at 2:49 pm
Put in oven to warm. Put in oven… To warm… PUT IN OVEN TO WARM?
1 scalded anus, serves 3.
Preheat oven to 425.
I know the seller would like to think people use common sense, but in the days of “Not for use in the bathtub” warnings on electric blankets, this seller needs to rethink their description.
January 21, 2012 at 2:56 pm
insert in 350 degree oven until golden brown…
January 21, 2012 at 3:46 pm
Allow to cool and frost with Santorum.
January 21, 2012 at 2:53 pm
I beg to differ, I was very concerned about heavy metal but the condom did not prevent me from hearing it.
January 21, 2012 at 3:49 pm
Don’t insert it backwards, you might hear satanic messages.
January 21, 2012 at 4:36 pm
I’m just glad “no models” were used. They have enough problems as it is.
January 22, 2012 at 12:04 am
Regarding the “small” factor, just how does one know one’s buttplug size? I recall that Mr. Humphries would take an inseam for trousers, but this? Glass of water for Mr. Grainger please.
January 22, 2012 at 7:28 am
“Manually rotated”
January 21, 2012 at 2:55 pm
How could THIS have been missed?
47 bucks…FOR A ONE TIME USE PAD.
Are you kidding me????
http://www.etsy.com/listing/73291544/made-on-demand-silk-sanitary-towel
January 21, 2012 at 2:59 pm
“…good for four hours of HEAVY BLEEDING !
place the silk sanitary towel in a glass cube
you made yourself some GREAT ART !”
*hurk*
January 21, 2012 at 3:02 pm
My husband just told me if I think of my period as art…he’s leaving. And I told him he has every right to. he also made me close down the page as it was making him ill to think about it.
January 21, 2012 at 3:29 pm
I don’t know how this is related to the above post but IT GETS WORSE!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/36049989/black-fur-crawling-out-of-a-silk
January 21, 2012 at 4:45 pm
That’s pretty nether, even for the Netherlands.
January 21, 2012 at 4:38 pm
January 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Finally!
You can do to that special someone what Evita Peron did to Argentina!
January 21, 2012 at 3:26 pm
Do you have to wear Dior while using it?
January 21, 2012 at 3:42 pm
why does she have a moustache?
January 21, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Considering where she’s been, what makes you think it’s a mustache?
January 21, 2012 at 4:56 pm
dirty sanchez.
January 21, 2012 at 4:47 pm
Fuckery with a “Southern Cone” aspect. Sorry, Chile.
January 21, 2012 at 4:54 pm
OMG. I just figured out what that thing was that I found in my dad’s bathroom drawer when I was a kid.
I don’t know what to think about this. Maybe someone collects these from all over the world. Grandma used to collect teacups and spoons from different states.
January 22, 2012 at 12:07 am
What state had your dad visited?
January 21, 2012 at 5:11 pm
There’s a strong fuckery front moving into the LA region at last report. Expect strong upcycles and abrupt changes in the size of the smell. It’s going to be namaste, bitches.
January 21, 2012 at 5:39 pm
I…I… I thought it looked like Freddie Mercury. D:
I’m- gonna go now.
January 21, 2012 at 6:15 pm
The likeness is uncanny:
January 22, 2012 at 2:25 pm
I’d be much more likely to stick something with Freddie Mercury’s likeness up my butt. It somehow seems like a fitting tribute.
(also, if we could get that one to play “Fat Bottomed Girls” it would be extra appropriate.)
January 21, 2012 at 6:17 pm
I am completely disappointed….when I read ceramic buttplug small copper I expected a damn police officer! Now what am I getting my mate for his birthday?
January 21, 2012 at 6:28 pm
It’s $100 cheaper than when originally seen on regretsy.
IT’S ON SALE!
January 21, 2012 at 7:04 pm
BTW, I know that I shall sleep easier tonight, knowing that it’s one of a kind. Two might breed.
January 21, 2012 at 8:10 pm
I’m pretty sure that Eva Peron is actually Borat. At least when she’s ready to head parallel the waterworks.
January 21, 2012 at 8:18 pm
This looks like Dr Frank-n-furter with a mustache. I didn’t think anything could make RHPS any creepmazing..
January 22, 2012 at 12:03 am
As a FJL of Argentine heritage, I just want to state “pero Che, que es esto insulto?!”
Now to return to my malbec and asado de tira.
January 23, 2012 at 9:05 am
Ya know, if I’m gonna stick that thing in my pucker, I deserve heaty metal poisoning.
January 26, 2012 at 1:54 pm
Pretty sure the genius was thinking of Frida Kahlo….