It is considered gauche to wear a yellow penis fascinator after Labor Day. My mother always said, “if you’re not going to wear the right boner hat for the season, you shouldn’t be wearing a boner hat at all. Put on your every day vulva hat and be done with it.”
It’s a sadly neglected thing in this troubled age. We’re all awaiting your mother’s new book, “Mama Rev’s Tome of Boner Hat Etiquette (With a Disquisition Upon the Misuse of the Steampunk Octopus Fascinator).”
“You know something, sir?”
“Do I know what, Euchariah?”
“I like you a lot better without my penis hat.”
“You’ll put your penis hat back on, and face the facts!”
It depends on how much ammo you have. If you get a killshot on a rapturee then they are going to fall and then rise back up.
Though if you single out one person, and set up a schedule so people are continuously shooting them down, preventing them from ever rapturing, it could be quite fun.
I assume at some point they will get so frustrated they will renounce their religion just to stop the endless up and down cycle.
Now the question becomes, who should we pick to prevent from rapturing?
I was gonna comment that the plush headband girl wasn’t even trying, but seeing as she matches her makeup to her painstakingly created abominations…I’ll give her some credit
I could see wearing it at a bachlorette party in Vegas. But that’s probably because the last time I was in Vegas there was a bachlorette party where every single woman was wearing plastic penises all over them.
Salt and citrus! Together in one scent that reminds you of that night at the club when you gave a blow job to that random hot guy in the bathroom right after the janitor hosed it down with lemon scent cleaner and you couldn’t quite get rid of the smell of lemon scented cleaning product and spunk out of your hair.
I have a couple headbands lying around, and I’ll see if I can get some kind of stuffed animal out of a claw machine before then. Hopefully a dolphin, but if not I will totally wear a bunny or something on my head.
Taxidermy couture is the kind of person I see hanging out in the alley behind the grocery store looking for milk crates because their living room needs a new couch.
I think so. It’s required on your journey to adulthood. It happens right after the power gets shut off and before your first eviction notice. Ahhhhh youth…
I’ll never understand the finger in the mouth pose. I think it is meant to convey vacant innocence or far-off thoughts, but I’m just not sure. Stop sucking your digits. You’re selling a dead deer hat, not fried chicken.
I don’t have a penis, but I know that if I did, it would be so huge that a finger in the mouth would never call it to mind. Maybe if she hung an entire human leg from her mouth. But not a finger.
“Rev, let me make one thing clear. Every woman is blessed with her gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be an imaginary penis large enough that, if it had an imaginary penis of its own, my penis’s penis would be larger than your penis.”
It’s funny in a way, girls will say they want a boob job just to be one size bigger, like b to c, I can’t imagine any dude trying to get anything less than “well exactly how the hell big can you make it?”
Compare her to Dying Bambi and Taxidermy. Now they are truly glorious, ridiculous fuckery (and they look well-made too. I would probably happily put them on my head for a photo-shoot.
It’s like comparing someone who sings a bit now and again and a professional opera singer. Not even close.
I talk to people I see out in this kind of shit. It pisses my wife off if she is with me, but I insist it’s just rude not to. If someone goes to that much trouble for attention, who am I to deny them?
No offense, but when I see people in this stuff at the supermarket, my usual response is to think, “Oh no, it’s one of those homeless people who used to live at the state hospital. How sad. I hope he (or she) is getting treatment and will be okay.”
Maybe that’s my psych background speaking, or the fact that I’ve lived in both cities in my state which hosted our state mental hospitals (and now host lots of mental homeless people). Maybe this just means my city isn’t as hip as it thinks it is, or else I’d just think to myself, “Oh joy, a drama queen wearing something dumb on his (or her) head.”
oooh, I’ve got one of those, too. She’s 84 years old (I know because she tells *everyone*) wears violent fuchsia and ties/hangs/straps random shit to her head and body.
It should be charming, but she’s kinda agro about it.
Dude, it’s a mini pirate hat with a bird skull on it. Small means cute + motherlovin’ pirate hat (with skull of beloved deceased bird companion) = awesome. Now THAT is something I would admire if I saw a person wearing it, like the gal behind the checkout counter who occasionally wears a mechanical mini dragon on her shoulder (yes, my supermarket employs cool people).
I’m not an expert at anything other than what kinds of vodka are most likely to cause debilitating heartburn the next day, but I have to say — Bambi looks Photoshopped. Anyone else notice that? It looks like she found someone ELSE’S fashion photography and shopped her own shit-ass creation (with bonus WGAF TMI in the description!) onto a pretty woman’s head.
Also, I love the kitchen sink taxidermy one. It’s like the quiche of fascinators — I will just throw everything I have on hand into this and see what happens. Between that, her masses of hair/extensions, her ridic rabbit’s foot earrings, all that damn blush she’s got on, and her statement necklace, her head must feel like my heart — heavy and stone-like. Remember what Coco Chanel said about taxidermy fascinators: “Take one dead animal bit off before you post it on Etsy.”
On the kitchen sink taxidermy creation, I can’t decide if it’s a piece of driftwood or half an eider duck. I’m assuming duck in keeping with the theme.
For the record, the person who made the Bambi hat is a talented milliner, the hat is real, not photoshoppeed, and yes, that is her model and her own photography. I’ve purchased some of her “prettier” and tamer creations. The Bambi hat? Not my thing, but I respect her artistry, even if it isn’t my style. This one takes the idea of her first deer hat further (it was just a little vintage deer, with an arrow stuck in it’s haunch.)
Actually, I loooooove that first one. I’d totally wear it to opening day the race track. But I’ll make my own, thanks, instead of shelling out that much money for a freaking bow.
Lady Bunny would never go out in public with her hair so snarled, would she? I think she’d at least run a brush through it first so it didn’t look like a literal bird’s nest.
I guess I have to scrap last night’s project/present. It seems you have no love for stuffed dead animals on your head. Maybe there is still time to make it into something else. One roadkill shawl coming right up.
We tried to get her to buy the one with the dolphin humping her head to have that “something blue”, but she wanted to spend a little more on her “special day”
Adding “Couture” to the name of something makes it so much better. At first I thought that giant red bow was silly – then I saw that it was “couture” and I was like “WHERE’S MY WALLET?!”
Oh good, I’m not the only one who gets irritated at people who throw around the word “couture.” It’s a very specific term for a very specific kind of handwork, which takes a hell of a lot more skill and time than Ms. Bowhead bothered to put in here. I’m a fashion geek and every time people toss out the word “couture” to describe their painful and/or hip abominations, I want to call on the ghost of Alexander McQueen to punch them in the tits until they stop.
I think I had that deer as a kid! It was a piggy bank, and the felt fuzziness started to wear off and it looked like the deer had mange. Perhaps I should have saved it and turned it into a hat to represent my inner-mange.
If the Vagabond headpiece was a “labor of love,” I wonder whose fetid uteri it fell out of. I already know who patched it together, but I need to know who else to full-body cauterize.
I got sexually harassed by a dolphin once. Can I sue this Etsy seller for triggering a bout of pain and suffering? No one has to know that I cowered under the bed whimpering because of her work’s suckitude. /sarcasm
Glad to know I’m not the only one who’d wear those damned awesome things.
I could let out my inner moose rage and attempt to trample someone outside of Walmart, I’m also imagining thrashing around tearing apart someones grocery bags.
Will you please move to my farmer’s market so I have an unarguable excuse [ Free Kale!!!] to create and wear travesty couture while I’m fondling the squash?
Why does the pheasant wing, alligator paw, fox fur fascinator description not mention the antlers?? Are they not included? Did the model just add them herself? Or grow them herself??
$150 might be ok if the antlers are included. But without them I wouldn’t pay more than $79.95.
I’ve been wondering what to wear to my friend’s wedding. I’m thinking of combining all these fine ideas for a new look. Dead deer penis shooting out feathers on a bed of neckties, topped with a giant bow. Who wants to make it for me?
I like how adding a quote from someone famous or from a classic piece of literature is thought to make the item more appealing and important. It’s like they’re trying to use it as a celebrity endorsement. You can quote any piece of literature that you wish and your “work of obscure art” will still be a piece of garbage.
The description of the Bambi one is exactly why I stopped checking in at the fibromyalgia forums. Yep, I have chronic inexplicable pain. Yep, it’s a bitch. So it would be great to get the occasional “Hey, hang in there!” rather than post after post of “NOBODY UNDERSTANDS MY PAAAIINNNNNN”.
I bet Bambi here refers to people without fibro as “normals” too. I really fucking hate that shit. You’re neither a cursed outcast from life, nor a super special snowflake. You’re just human like the rest of us fat ugly jealous losers.
Regretsy is WAY more therapeutic than a fibromyalgia forum.
Ha, that reminds me of a great story. I knew this girl in high school who claimed she had fibromyalgia. Essentially, it was just whatever would give her sympathy.
So, one day, after she went to the doctor, she comes back all serious and shit. She tells us that the doctor told her she had hypochondria, and that it was a really big deal.
I just about died. She had absolutely no idea what hypochondria meant. Soooo funny.
I know someone like that. I wonder if yours hD an older sister with a genuine medical condition that required attention. we think that’s how this one got so damn goofy.
NOBODY UNDERSTANDS MY PAAAIINNNNN except my entire family on my mother’s side. I guess most of this shit is hereditary! (except the back, that’s a car accident and falling on my tail bone a few too many times)
But seriously, Regretsy is the best pain support group ever! “I hurt!” “OMG me too!! *passes the painkiller*”
I might drink some vodka later after the pain killer wears off. but we’re doing lunch and dinner with my in-laws, so I don’t want to be drunk right now. (although a part of me would love the relaxing quality of vodka… my back is not having a good day…)
Actually speaking of vodka the lady in the ties bears an uncanny resemblance to Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen.
New series: My Drunk Sewing Room! Ep. 1 begins with a pattern for a matching hat and tie set and ends with severe puncture wounds, more needles than a heroine addict and mangled cravat headgear in a brand new Etsy shop.
I was looking for support when the pain specialist suggested I might have fibro. I found incessant whining, doctor-hating and “alternative, natural and holistic” crap treatment bullshit instead. “This enema cure totally works!!”
Fuck that. I can do without this kind of support, thankyouverymuch.
I prefer treating myself with un-holistic pain killers, heating pads, regretsy and lolcats.
Oof. You’ve described just about every medical condition forum I’ve ever been on. At first, it’s kinda nice, being around a bunch of people who understand what you’re going through, but then you realize that there are some people who have made Being Sick With Condition X a lifestyle choice.
I just want to know I’m not alone and some tips on coping with the symptoms; I’m not interested in being Infertility Girl or MVP Crusader for the rest of my life, you know?
This is what happens when you pass out drunk first at the party in the taxidermy shop. You wake up with the contents of the dustpan glued on your fucking head.
I would really like to see that worn WITH the alligator tits actually…
Dear Mistletoe,
Because of this post, I love you so very much. I’m not sure if I have fibromyalgia or not (several doctors disagree, juvenile onset RA has been suggested) but even if I don’t, I still love you. Your attitude rocks.
Petja, you illustrated how to do that so well that even though I speak not a word of Finnish, I understood exactly what you were saying. I wish I had a length of material long enough to try it! Thank you for posting this!
A length of 3-5 meters.
Cotton fabric, 140 cents wide, folded in the longitudinal direction, so that is about 40 cents wide.
Another way is 90 cents wide, folded double.
Fabric can be Thai or Dupion silk.
I’ve used turbans, because my head is so big that it is difficult to find in winter hats.
If you get to come to New York City, there is a felt hat shop downtown (I think 7th street) that makes felt hats from old hat blocks. They may have one to fit your head size.
OK, I got my hatbox out and looked at it: http://barbarafeinmanmillinery.com/
Expensive, but hand blocked and beautiful
(OK, so I have a hat problem, so what?)
So, so fabulous!! Petja, you are the gift that just keeps on giving! We, the drunken, salute you!! I have fabric and am off to try my own hand at a turban — and then I am taking a nap! . . . in the turban!!
Our genus has been the tradition.
We’re always fucked the best women in the place.
It then means that more than 500 years we have gathered charisma.
My charisma range will be of the same class with the missiles.
I can pull my head pussy
but I do not need to flee to the mountains.
Okay, well…
-Perfect for the hooker you put in the backseat of the Christmas gift Lexus
-Godzilla 1, Bambi 0
-Is that a lemon penis on your head or are you just happy to see me or are you out of your fucking mind?
-Look! I stuck my head in my dad’s closet!
-Phylis Diller stuck in a tree
-I’m horny!
-What happens when you cross a dolphin with a smurf and it then spooges in your eyes
…and so it goes
Is it bad that I kind of like the taxidermy piece? I’d wear it proudly around NYC and tourists would be like “OH! Look at the silly American with the jackalope-bird thing on her head!”
I believe you are referencing the Wolpertinger, which is from the Black Forest. The Jackalope is similar, but lacks the fangs and wings and is native to the American Southwest. Also, I have a hard enough time finding Americans that know about the Jackalope to believe that tourists from other countries would recognize it.
I actually agree with you. Arturo has stuff that I could see in photo shoots. And I would totally get the taxidermy thing, but I wouldn’t know where to wear it.. Plus I can make it cheaper.
I’m a southern girl, we kill the animals ourselves, eat everything in them, and use the bones to make crazy shit, like headpieces.
I’ll kill twice the amount of animals and send you one. We’ll walk around every street in the north and south until everyone has seen how whimsical they are.
I thought that red bow was rather fabulous the first 800 times Etsy included it in their emails, but now I choke on it like the brussel sprouts Granny used to sneak into my dinner.
***I will donate $5 to April’s Army*** in honor of someone if they Photoshop for me Princess Beatrice’s hat from the Royal wedding being approached by these two spermatozoa of a hat, as if to fertilize it.
the lemon penis is missing a scrotum. peniscraft is not as simple as just tacking two balls on to a dick. do it right, or just leave the balls out of it. also, in all the times i’ve shot a load, it never exploded out in 15 separate simultaneous streams. F minus.
I’ve seen furries stick a lot of weird shit on their head but the sacrificial headband plush is pretty odd even by furry standards (I don’t think it’s that bad actually, but it’s not a common furry thing). Also, she should mention “phins” or cetaceans if she’s actually trying to sell that to furries since these are the only kind of furries who are likely to want to wear that particular piece in public.
Also, I liked the Bambi until I realized those weren’t supposed to be flowers and birds. “Bambi” the craftard appears to be caught in the headlights of a monster truck, unfortunately.
Oh, and hey, note to sellers: I don’t need to hear your life story about the chronic pain condition you suffer from to guilt me into purchasing a weird thing for my head. Although I guess I’m more likely to buy it if you stuff it with some of your leftover Vicodin.
The word “plushie” a common shibboleth in furry fandom. “Plushie” has always meant “a stuffed animal”, and never meant anything else. Someone who has er…romantic relations with plushies is a “plushophile”.
The reason for the confusion is some hack from Vanity Fair misquoted a furry and Hollywood based everything they know about furries on that one article.
I also doubt someone’s sexual attraction to a stuffed animal or lack thereof would dictate headwear. It’s not like I walk around with a vibrator strapped to my forehead, or a priest wears an altar boy as a hat for that matter…
Didn’t Buffalobluedesigns throw a gigantic fit last time you featured her (with her glove-hat)? Wonder if that’s what San Andreas’ fault waiting for to swallow California in one bite.
I’m going to venture a guess that the creator of the Bambi fascinator was never taught as a child to abstain from chewing one’s finger. You never know what invisible illnesses you’ll wind up catching when you do that, especially after failing to wash your hands after shooting deer in the woods.
That said, I might wear the antler one if there wasn’t a haphazard wing/alligator foot/dryer lint stuck on for prosperity.
To be fair, the glove on the head idea was also stolen. Else Schiaparelli did it first without stuffing the gloves, as a joke on the hat/glove standard in the 30s and 40s (now you could have both in one piece– and not lose a glove either!) and Dolce & Gabbana copied it as a salute to Schiaparelli a few years ago.
sisterstigmata@gmail.com
January 16, 2012 at 12:31 pm
I love the lack of justification for the Floral Penis headband.
Dead bambi and ugly tie hat try to convince you with lyrical paragraphs but Floral Penis headband knows where it stands. Want a cock fascinator? No? Move the fuck along then.
from an artistic standpoint the big red bow one is stunning, it’d be fun to paint on a model. You couldn’t wear it anywhere without people thinking you were memorializing the massive head trauma you suffered that led you to think it was good idea to wear that out of the house, though.
and if the necktie one was in better colors for me, I have to admit I’d consider wearing it, at 75$ I would not however consider buying it. It may be 75$ worth of time and materials, I will grant that.
Just not my 75$. I have a sewing machine, a giant box of neckties no one wants, and I make hats for fun.
One of my biggest gripes is girls/women who put on wild make-up ala Whale Lady and don’t bother to groom their brows. And in her case, her mangled mane.
It’s bad enough she glued a Beanie Baby to a headband and is trying to market it to furries but GODDAMN is she lazy.
Is this a stale trend abomination from fashion runways? I’d be happy to blame it on whatever idiot decided that bad brows and frizzed-to-all-hell hair are the perfect complements to wild eye makeup. I’ve seen this for quite a while and it will not go away.
I kind of *love* the bird wig. It makes me feel better about my premature gray. Now I just need to divorce my husband and find someone new to marry so I can have an occasion to wear it. Yep, that’s what I need.
FINALLY! I now can wear my hobbled together hats and look cool. Animal parts on a hat!! How could anyone ever call that shit. Dead Bambi? No way, I want a real dead seagull with a giant red bow (and maybe a few solo cups, yeahhhh.)
If these are acceptable, I think we should push the envelope and create even more hats that are larger and even more disturbing. Etsy has made this very easy…
I know the back stores to some of these:
Red bow. Chick had big bow on her Christmas present (winter coat? Exercycle?) She looks, says “what can I do with my garbage? I know, I’ll glue shit to other shit and well it on Etsy for ridiculous price!”
The literal dead head with the antlers? Her hubby works as a taxidermist and she recycles his mistakes. Poor thing’s “hat” is so tight that she didn’t realize that alligators do not have “paws.”
It’s the fake, ostrich feather jiz on the penis headband that’s kinda freakin’ me out here. I mean, I’m an open-minded girl but I draw the line at cum in my hair.
***I will donate $5 to April’s Army*** in honor of someone if they Photoshop for me Princess Beatrice’s hat from the Royal wedding being approached by the red spermatozoa of a hat (the red bow tie one with the tails), as if to fertilize it.
Until today I didn’t know how badly I need a penis fascinator with faux semen erupting forth. I don’t even like penises but having one on a headband opens up a whole new world of possibilities. I need this.
I actually like the wig, but I’d be wearing something like that for Halloween or at Comic Con. For the latter it would be blue with a light on top, not unlike what I threw together for last Halloween.
But for the others – well, except for the penis one which would be great for some types of parties – I don’t understand why anyone would want them. Unless they were high.
I used Find to see if anyone had already made a “dickhead” comment (they have) and am shocked to see that the word “dick” has only been used TWICE, so far.
DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK
As a writer, and thinker of complicated thoughts and a general “muser”, I tried really hard to understand the blurb from the Artist Formerly Known as Bambi. Shouldn’t there be some sort of punctuation, or more words in the first couple of lines? Why are you telling us all about the history of A PIECE THAT IS NOT PICTURED HERE? And I hate to nitpick, but if your “Bambi Has Fibromyalgia” piece is indeed UP FOR INTERPRETATION, then you can’t tell me what it’s supposed to stand for, right?
I guess what I’m trying to say is…Jesus that’s an ugly hat.
this is the first time i’ve seen these, i dont know where i was in january.
i still have a question, same question idve had then: where, precisely does a person where a floral lemon penis headband?
for real. i mean, i dont go to college any more. it’s been a while. i woulda worn it there &, at the time, i woulda been the only person to wear it there. people were still scared of punkrockers then.
otoh, i also love that giant red satin bow thing & i have no idea where to wear that either.
not that i can afford either, even though theyre both still available. after rebuilding my whole life slowly & carefully post-tragedy, it’s all gonna go into my teeth. i hope not.
January 16, 2012 at 11:09 am
I want the penis one, but in pink. Like brilliant, almost-fuchsia. Or red… PURPLE. Dangit, I need a set.
January 16, 2012 at 11:19 am
It is considered gauche to wear a yellow penis fascinator after Labor Day. My mother always said, “if you’re not going to wear the right boner hat for the season, you shouldn’t be wearing a boner hat at all. Put on your every day vulva hat and be done with it.”
January 16, 2012 at 11:58 am
A bit long for a sampler, but that really needs to be preserved for posterity.
January 16, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Would make a nice print, with sketches of both of the mentioned hats… XD
Something like this…
I’ll print it on a piece of random (likely pastel colored) cardstock for anyone who wants to give me $5 to do so!
January 16, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Of course, only if that’s ok with Rev up there, anyway.
January 16, 2012 at 1:48 pm
That vulva headpiece is beautifully rendered. If you just remove the appropriate apostrophes, you could sell these prints on etsy for BIG BUCKS.
January 16, 2012 at 2:34 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/90711406/right-hat-for-the-season-adult-theme
January 16, 2012 at 4:50 pm
You are magnificent for doing this. I just had to say that…
January 16, 2012 at 8:41 pm
I had to buy it. It was preordained to be mine!
January 16, 2012 at 10:23 pm
Anyone else wants one, I need only hit ‘print’
January 17, 2012 at 3:56 pm
Damn it, where is my boyfriend when I need to steal his credit card for this kind of emergency?!
January 16, 2012 at 12:04 pm
It’s a sadly neglected thing in this troubled age. We’re all awaiting your mother’s new book, “Mama Rev’s Tome of Boner Hat Etiquette (With a Disquisition Upon the Misuse of the Steampunk Octopus Fascinator).”
January 16, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I’ll have to tell her that people are waiting for this book, so she can give me that look and tell me to watch my smart mouth.
January 16, 2012 at 12:45 pm
“You know something, sir?”
“Do I know what, Euchariah?”
“I like you a lot better without my penis hat.”
“You’ll put your penis hat back on, and face the facts!”
January 16, 2012 at 6:07 pm
HOORAY! I just watched that today with my two year old!But, you know, without the penii.
January 16, 2012 at 10:50 pm
They’re very puritanical Whos, they only take out their junk in the Euphemism.
Also holy shit someone else who has seen that cartoon. I thought I was the only one suffering through eyebrow nightmares as a child.
January 16, 2012 at 11:10 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
January 16, 2012 at 11:16 am
And yet you decided to comment.
January 16, 2012 at 12:48 pm
Bitch pudding––my favorite!
January 16, 2012 at 2:35 pm
We all get a taste.
January 16, 2012 at 4:57 pm
BUH-LAM!
January 16, 2012 at 12:35 pm
We try to help you up your game because we love.
January 16, 2012 at 8:24 pm
I feel you, Scarlet. I was eating while reading this post and three times – thrice – my jaw dropped, and the food fell right out. True Story.
January 16, 2012 at 11:10 am
“Lemon Floral Penis” sounds like it should be a scent for dish soap.
Or for hillbilly bajingo wash.
January 16, 2012 at 11:12 am
Beat me to it. Bravo.
January 16, 2012 at 11:13 am
I’m pretty sure that my beating anybody to anything is a sign of an impending rapture. Get your guns and bottled water all ready.
January 16, 2012 at 12:05 pm
Just to be clear, are we shooting the other survivors, or taking potshots at the rapturees as they fly past upwards?
January 16, 2012 at 1:31 pm
It depends on how much ammo you have. If you get a killshot on a rapturee then they are going to fall and then rise back up.
Though if you single out one person, and set up a schedule so people are continuously shooting them down, preventing them from ever rapturing, it could be quite fun.
I assume at some point they will get so frustrated they will renounce their religion just to stop the endless up and down cycle.
Now the question becomes, who should we pick to prevent from rapturing?
January 16, 2012 at 1:33 pm
If you have to ask…
January 16, 2012 at 8:17 pm
I’m pretty sure Rapture-griefing will get you banned from the server.
January 17, 2012 at 7:51 am
January 17, 2012 at 10:09 am
PULL!!
January 16, 2012 at 11:38 am
I’ll add that to the current selection of Vagilla Wafer and Cool Cootiecumber
January 16, 2012 at 6:25 pm
If you sell any of this stuff on Etsy, we will all salute you and your powers of fuckery. I salute you now for the picture.
January 16, 2012 at 9:18 pm
Unfortunately, the 102 oz Party Size is all sold out. But maybe I can whip up some personal carafes / travel flasks….
January 17, 2012 at 4:22 am
Your name is making me envision a very, very different version of Deliverance.
January 17, 2012 at 12:05 pm
Would make cute mini-jar/vial earrings. HAHAHA
January 16, 2012 at 9:44 pm
Ugh!!!! What is that? Hillbilly bajingo backwash?
January 17, 2012 at 7:41 am
This simply had to be added to Pinterest!
Thus the Regretsy pin board was born.
January 16, 2012 at 11:40 am
How many times do I have to tell you, hillbillies don’t wash their bajingos! Sheesh!
That do, apparently, wear dead deer for hats, though.
January 16, 2012 at 12:00 pm
The two should be sold in “his & hers” gift packs. Can’t wait for the parents anniversary now!
January 16, 2012 at 11:10 am
Seriously, honey, exactly matching your eye makeup to your stuffed-whale-headband? Talk about tacky.
January 16, 2012 at 11:17 am
That whale misses it’s iPod.
January 16, 2012 at 11:17 am
That headband is meant for Pam Poovey.
January 16, 2012 at 11:42 am
I wish HK had used the seller’s OTHER shot, where you can see her metallic blue lipstick!
January 16, 2012 at 12:03 pm
But she did that porpoise!
January 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm
And in this one she matched her eyeshadow to her neon green lobster headress (not her lipstick though):
I think her kids recently moved out; I hope so for their sakes.
January 16, 2012 at 2:56 pm
I was gonna comment that the plush headband girl wasn’t even trying, but seeing as she matches her makeup to her painstakingly created abominations…I’ll give her some credit
January 16, 2012 at 3:54 pm
I’m going to take credit away because her make up is even shittier than that thing on her head.
January 16, 2012 at 11:11 am
You know, my fashion sense is somewhat… eclectic, but I would still never wear any of this shit.
Well, maybe the penis, but that’s entirely because there’s feathers coming out of it.
January 16, 2012 at 11:20 am
I like feathers and I like penises, but I would not adorn my head with either. Everyone knows you fashion them as earrings.
January 16, 2012 at 11:44 am
Consult your physician if you have a penis that has feathers coming out of it.
January 16, 2012 at 12:00 pm
I think I would consult a physician if I suddenly had a penis, feathers or not. o.O
January 16, 2012 at 12:06 pm
Well, I don’t have one either, but I just use my fiance’s when I need it.
January 16, 2012 at 12:07 pm
“Hey, look, Doc, I’m a hermaphrodite now! ISN’T THIS AWESOME.”
January 16, 2012 at 3:34 pm
I showed my doctor the feathers on my penis and he recommended a dietary change: “stay away from chicken.”
January 16, 2012 at 6:26 pm
Shouldn’t that read “Stay away from the chicken?”
Poor chicken.
January 16, 2012 at 8:21 pm
I think the proper phrasing is Stay away from the chickens. All of them.
September 18, 2012 at 12:29 pm
What about choking the chicken? Is that still allowed?
January 16, 2012 at 10:53 pm
I could see wearing it at a bachlorette party in Vegas. But that’s probably because the last time I was in Vegas there was a bachlorette party where every single woman was wearing plastic penises all over them.
January 16, 2012 at 11:11 am
Isn’t lemon floral penis Glade’s new air freshener scent?
January 16, 2012 at 11:15 am
I think it’s Lemony Snicket’s sister.
Can’t imagine why I looked at these and thought “Series of Unfortunate Events.”
January 16, 2012 at 6:52 pm
The stuffed animal headbands look like something Harper would wear on Wizards of Waverly Place.
http://images.wikia.com/wizardsofwaverlyplace/images/d/d3/WOWP25.jpg
January 16, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Salt and citrus! Together in one scent that reminds you of that night at the club when you gave a blow job to that random hot guy in the bathroom right after the janitor hosed it down with lemon scent cleaner and you couldn’t quite get rid of the smell of lemon scented cleaning product and spunk out of your hair.
January 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm
The lemon sounds tasty but “floral?” Just too much seasoning for something that is best served simply.
January 16, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Margaritas and Jizz – Together at last!
January 17, 2012 at 10:11 am
You got your jizz in my margarita!
You got your margarita on my jizz!
January 16, 2012 at 11:12 am
Really, what’s the point of spending $200 on a bird wig if I can’t wear it every day?
January 16, 2012 at 12:18 pm
I’d totally rock that bird wig at the next PTA meeting….
January 16, 2012 at 12:23 pm
You mean PETA meeting?
January 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm
No, you wear the taxidermy hat to PETA.
January 16, 2012 at 1:52 pm
Along with one of these:
{ Magpie skull (cast plastic, very nice, a couple of friends ordered some last term) for sale Here }
January 17, 2012 at 12:58 am
Nice plywood.
January 16, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I need to stop strangers from sitting next to me on the bus.
January 16, 2012 at 11:12 am
I expect to see at least one of these in the pictures of the LA Regretsy Meet-Up.
January 16, 2012 at 11:17 am
I have a couple headbands lying around, and I’ll see if I can get some kind of stuffed animal out of a claw machine before then. Hopefully a dolphin, but if not I will totally wear a bunny or something on my head.
January 16, 2012 at 12:01 pm
You need a Level Four Cat. In fact, if any of these people had made a Level Four Cat fascinator, I’d consider buying it.
January 19, 2012 at 12:34 am
I have my mustache-on-a-stick all ready for Sat.
I may have extras!!!!
January 16, 2012 at 11:12 am
Taxidermy couture is the person you see on the side of the highway with a plastic bag and a saw looking for roadkill..
January 16, 2012 at 11:19 am
Taxidermy couture is the kind of person I see hanging out in the alley behind the grocery store looking for milk crates because their living room needs a new couch.
January 16, 2012 at 12:23 pm
I had milk crate bookcases for years, gotta problem with that? :^)
January 16, 2012 at 9:52 pm
I think so. It’s required on your journey to adulthood. It happens right after the power gets shut off and before your first eviction notice. Ahhhhh youth…
January 16, 2012 at 1:01 pm
Isn’t that just something everyone does?
January 16, 2012 at 11:13 am
I’ll never understand the finger in the mouth pose. I think it is meant to convey vacant innocence or far-off thoughts, but I’m just not sure. Stop sucking your digits. You’re selling a dead deer hat, not fried chicken.
January 16, 2012 at 11:17 am
Where do you think she gets the material for her ~creationz~?
January 16, 2012 at 1:16 pm
KF Road Kill – mmm, mmm, it’s finger sucking good.
January 16, 2012 at 11:27 am
I always got the –this could be your cock vibe– from these kind of poses.
January 16, 2012 at 11:31 am
So, the target market for dead deer hats is dudes who want a toothy BJ from a lobotomized mannequinn?
I guess I could believe that.
January 16, 2012 at 11:36 am
The one with the finger in her mouth anyway.
January 16, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Well, find a niche and fill it, I guess…
January 16, 2012 at 1:35 pm
January 16, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I remember a lot of bad 70′s porn actresses doing the finger in the mouth pose just before the cock in the mouth pose.
January 16, 2012 at 12:51 pm
I don’t have a penis, but I know that if I did, it would be so huge that a finger in the mouth would never call it to mind. Maybe if she hung an entire human leg from her mouth. But not a finger.
January 16, 2012 at 9:56 pm
That’s right. Own your inner penis. If you’re going to grow an imaginary penis, hell, make it impressive.
January 16, 2012 at 11:42 pm
“Rev, let me make one thing clear. Every woman is blessed with her gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be an imaginary penis large enough that, if it had an imaginary penis of its own, my penis’s penis would be larger than your penis.”
January 17, 2012 at 7:00 am
It’s funny in a way, girls will say they want a boob job just to be one size bigger, like b to c, I can’t imagine any dude trying to get anything less than “well exactly how the hell big can you make it?”
January 16, 2012 at 6:28 pm
It’s supposed to be sexy, apparently. I blame Nickelback for making that mainstream.
January 16, 2012 at 6:30 pm
And somebidder, I’m impressed that you beat me to it. Hehehehe, I said “beat.” Hehehehehe.
January 16, 2012 at 11:13 am
Compared to the others, Dolphin girl just didn’t come up to scratch, did she?
(Full disclosure. The drama queen loony who lives in me would wear nearly everything here. To the supermarket)
January 16, 2012 at 11:19 am
She’s out of her league.
The fact that she was included with the others is a fluke.
January 16, 2012 at 11:25 am
Compare her to Dying Bambi and Taxidermy. Now they are truly glorious, ridiculous fuckery (and they look well-made too. I would probably happily put them on my head for a photo-shoot.
It’s like comparing someone who sings a bit now and again and a professional opera singer. Not even close.
January 16, 2012 at 11:29 am
Those opera singers can really whale!
January 16, 2012 at 11:32 am
Urrrrrrgh.
January 16, 2012 at 11:38 am
“Plush Dolphin Headdress” = boring.
Get more creative with your tidals, seller!
January 16, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Well done. According to the d20 I just rolled, you have inflicted 11 points of pun damage on everyone who reads either of those remarks, Leloo.
January 16, 2012 at 12:21 pm
I’m suffering from ocean madness.
January 16, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Hey LeeLoo, you’re spelling those words wrong on porpoise!
January 16, 2012 at 9:58 pm
Those whale singers can really opera.
January 17, 2012 at 8:21 am
LeeLoo, ocean madness is no excuse for ocean rudeness!
January 16, 2012 at 11:52 am
I see what you did there:-p
January 16, 2012 at 11:20 am
If I saw you in the supermarket in one of these, you would totally make my day. Probably my week.
January 16, 2012 at 11:26 am
I’d make everyones, I think.
I promise to wear it with a corset, stupid tutu and pny shoes, for the full look.
January 16, 2012 at 2:50 pm
I talk to people I see out in this kind of shit. It pisses my wife off if she is with me, but I insist it’s just rude not to. If someone goes to that much trouble for attention, who am I to deny them?
January 16, 2012 at 6:35 pm
No offense, but when I see people in this stuff at the supermarket, my usual response is to think, “Oh no, it’s one of those homeless people who used to live at the state hospital. How sad. I hope he (or she) is getting treatment and will be okay.”
Maybe that’s my psych background speaking, or the fact that I’ve lived in both cities in my state which hosted our state mental hospitals (and now host lots of mental homeless people). Maybe this just means my city isn’t as hip as it thinks it is, or else I’d just think to myself, “Oh joy, a drama queen wearing something dumb on his (or her) head.”
January 16, 2012 at 11:29 am
She gets thestupid shit from my child’s toy box on my head award.
January 16, 2012 at 11:43 am
oooh, I’ve got one of those, too. She’s 84 years old (I know because she tells *everyone*) wears violent fuchsia and ties/hangs/straps random shit to her head and body.
It should be charming, but she’s kinda agro about it.
January 16, 2012 at 12:30 pm
Can I have her phone number?
January 16, 2012 at 11:14 am
I never thought I would hear the phrase “Taxidermy Couture”. I was wrong.
January 16, 2012 at 11:16 am
You must be new.
Further disclosure. I recently nearly bought a mini pirate hat with a little (real)bird skull on it.
January 16, 2012 at 6:37 pm
Dude, it’s a mini pirate hat with a bird skull on it. Small means cute + motherlovin’ pirate hat (with skull of beloved deceased bird companion) = awesome. Now THAT is something I would admire if I saw a person wearing it, like the gal behind the checkout counter who occasionally wears a mechanical mini dragon on her shoulder (yes, my supermarket employs cool people).
January 16, 2012 at 11:14 am
I’m not an expert at anything other than what kinds of vodka are most likely to cause debilitating heartburn the next day, but I have to say — Bambi looks Photoshopped. Anyone else notice that? It looks like she found someone ELSE’S fashion photography and shopped her own shit-ass creation (with bonus WGAF TMI in the description!) onto a pretty woman’s head.
Also, I love the kitchen sink taxidermy one. It’s like the quiche of fascinators — I will just throw everything I have on hand into this and see what happens. Between that, her masses of hair/extensions, her ridic rabbit’s foot earrings, all that damn blush she’s got on, and her statement necklace, her head must feel like my heart — heavy and stone-like. Remember what Coco Chanel said about taxidermy fascinators: “Take one dead animal bit off before you post it on Etsy.”
January 16, 2012 at 1:40 pm
well the Bambi one is gone, so you may have smoked out a skunk.
good job.
January 16, 2012 at 8:29 pm
Good eye! I was wondering why such a professional looking model would be posing in that hat. Now I know.
Regretsy, always with the learning.
January 17, 2012 at 7:01 am
On the kitchen sink taxidermy creation, I can’t decide if it’s a piece of driftwood or half an eider duck. I’m assuming duck in keeping with the theme.
February 21, 2012 at 11:26 am
For the record, the person who made the Bambi hat is a talented milliner, the hat is real, not photoshoppeed, and yes, that is her model and her own photography. I’ve purchased some of her “prettier” and tamer creations. The Bambi hat? Not my thing, but I respect her artistry, even if it isn’t my style. This one takes the idea of her first deer hat further (it was just a little vintage deer, with an arrow stuck in it’s haunch.)
January 16, 2012 at 11:14 am
I could totally see Euginie or Beatrice wearing the first one… The rest? Thank goodness “WOW” can go both ways.
January 16, 2012 at 11:17 am
I’d rock the shit out of the first one if had to choose.
January 16, 2012 at 11:44 am
Especially you know, a few weeks ago all the red Christmas bows were on clearance for 25 cents at Walmart.
January 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm
I had the same thought about the bow. “That would totally unremarkable at a royal wedding.”
January 16, 2012 at 11:14 am
Actually, I loooooove that first one. I’d totally wear it to opening day the race track. But I’ll make my own, thanks, instead of shelling out that much money for a freaking bow.
January 16, 2012 at 11:40 am
She has a lot of great stuff. Nothing I could pull off, but fun to look at.
January 16, 2012 at 8:30 pm
I agree – I really like that shop. But those are hats as art, not hats for wearing to the kind of functions mere mortals attend.
January 16, 2012 at 11:15 am
I think the Taxidermy Couture one is the ultimate in gluing shit to other shit.
January 16, 2012 at 11:34 am
I don’t see the gold veil. I’m sure the gold veil would just tie everything together but it’s practically non-existent.
January 16, 2012 at 12:05 pm
I think “gold veil” must be another way of saying “antlers.”
January 16, 2012 at 11:15 am
“It was made with the most special bride in mind.”
Yes-Lady Bunny.
January 16, 2012 at 6:39 pm
Lady Bunny would never go out in public with her hair so snarled, would she? I think she’d at least run a brush through it first so it didn’t look like a literal bird’s nest.
January 16, 2012 at 11:15 am
The bridal one looks a bit like myself after a night of heavy drinking and bowling with my bitches.
January 16, 2012 at 11:15 am
The first bow… pretty sure they stole that off the giant christmas tree at Rockefeller Center.
January 16, 2012 at 11:22 am
Or from the Lexus dealership.
January 16, 2012 at 11:15 am
I guess I have to scrap last night’s project/present. It seems you have no love for stuffed dead animals on your head. Maybe there is still time to make it into something else. One roadkill shawl coming right up.
January 16, 2012 at 11:16 am
I do not like how angry I look on the main comments. I am much happier in the forums.
January 16, 2012 at 11:38 am
Whenever I see your icon, I want to tell you to turn that frown upside down.
January 16, 2012 at 11:15 am
That bride has a bird’s nest in her hair!! No, seriously. Yes, she did it on purpose. No, we couldn’t talk her out of it.
January 16, 2012 at 11:18 am
She really puts the “special” into “special day.”
January 16, 2012 at 11:30 am
We tried to get her to buy the one with the dolphin humping her head to have that “something blue”, but she wanted to spend a little more on her “special day”
January 16, 2012 at 11:16 am
Adding “Couture” to the name of something makes it so much better. At first I thought that giant red bow was silly – then I saw that it was “couture” and I was like “WHERE’S MY WALLET?!”
January 16, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Oh good, I’m not the only one who gets irritated at people who throw around the word “couture.” It’s a very specific term for a very specific kind of handwork, which takes a hell of a lot more skill and time than Ms. Bowhead bothered to put in here. I’m a fashion geek and every time people toss out the word “couture” to describe their painful and/or hip abominations, I want to call on the ghost of Alexander McQueen to punch them in the tits until they stop.
January 16, 2012 at 11:16 am
I think I had that deer as a kid! It was a piggy bank, and the felt fuzziness started to wear off and it looked like the deer had mange. Perhaps I should have saved it and turned it into a hat to represent my inner-mange.
January 16, 2012 at 11:17 am
If the Vagabond headpiece was a “labor of love,” I wonder whose fetid uteri it fell out of. I already know who patched it together, but I need to know who else to full-body cauterize.
January 16, 2012 at 11:17 am
I actually squealed when I saw the title, but nothing prepared me for the fuckery that lay ahead.
“A jumping dolphin rests comfortably across the top of your head for a whimsical effect.”
Just sit with that for a minute…
January 16, 2012 at 11:19 am
It’s made even better when you know that dolphins are the rapists of the sea.
January 16, 2012 at 11:29 am
Skull rapist dolphin.
January 16, 2012 at 12:39 pm
At least there is no plush bear.
January 19, 2012 at 12:42 am
Mittens on your head FTW!!!
January 16, 2012 at 2:53 pm
If you would wear more alligators the dolphins wouldn’t rape you as often!
January 16, 2012 at 6:45 pm
I got sexually harassed by a dolphin once. Can I sue this Etsy seller for triggering a bout of pain and suffering? No one has to know that I cowered under the bed whimpering because of her work’s suckitude. /sarcasm
January 16, 2012 at 11:21 am
Oh – a whimsical effect! That’s it’s porpoise. Got it.
January 16, 2012 at 12:40 pm
*Groan*
Another 5 points pun damage.
January 17, 2012 at 10:12 am
Yeah, I keep failing my saves too.
January 16, 2012 at 11:17 am
I would totally wear the antlers. With a cape. While roller skating down main street. Because I’m a super hero.
January 16, 2012 at 11:24 am
Capes and roller skates do not mix.
I am speaking from experience.
January 16, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Perhaps waist length cape is the way to go. Less dramatic, but safer.
January 16, 2012 at 6:45 pm
NO CAPES!
January 16, 2012 at 9:59 pm
Isn’t that called a ‘capelet’? I’m sure I’ve seen a fashion collection themed around them – although taxidermy would have improved it no end.
January 19, 2012 at 12:43 am
Super Hero couture!!!
January 16, 2012 at 11:30 am
While you’re wearing that I’ll stick on dying baby with a blood spattered 50′s dress. We can be best friends.
January 16, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Oh yes! The new Wonder Twins! (As in ‘I wonder what asylum they escaped from.)
January 16, 2012 at 12:39 pm
That’s it! Were car pooling to that PTA meeting together for sure!
January 16, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Glad to know I’m not the only one who’d wear those damned awesome things.
I could let out my inner moose rage and attempt to trample someone outside of Walmart, I’m also imagining thrashing around tearing apart someones grocery bags.
January 16, 2012 at 11:18 am
I think the insane fuckery has gotten to me, because I’d like totally wear that necktie hat. To the farmer’s market. To buy kale.
*shaaaame*
January 16, 2012 at 11:42 am
If you wear that hat to the farmer’s market, I will give you free kale.
If you wear all of these things at once, I will give you free kale for the rest of my life.
January 20, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Will you please move to my farmer’s market so I have an unarguable excuse [ Free Kale!!!] to create and wear travesty couture while I’m fondling the squash?
January 16, 2012 at 11:18 am
Why does the pheasant wing, alligator paw, fox fur fascinator description not mention the antlers?? Are they not included? Did the model just add them herself? Or grow them herself??
$150 might be ok if the antlers are included. But without them I wouldn’t pay more than $79.95.
January 16, 2012 at 11:31 am
I was wondering that too. I don’t think that the antlers come with the fascinator. They are part of her everyday wear.
January 16, 2012 at 12:07 pm
If antlers are her everyday wear, I’d love to see her when she gets all fancy!
January 16, 2012 at 12:25 pm
I wondered about that too, then just figured the antlers were part of her head.
January 16, 2012 at 6:47 pm
Ah, so her name is Imogene. Poor kid. We should get an April’s Army run going….
January 16, 2012 at 11:19 am
I love the bow! But I think it would be lovelier if it were a giant butterfly
I quite like the floofy bird wig too, but I would never wear it. And definitely not at a wedding!
January 19, 2012 at 12:44 am
Bird wig screams “Caroi Channing”
January 16, 2012 at 11:19 am
I’ve been wondering what to wear to my friend’s wedding. I’m thinking of combining all these fine ideas for a new look. Dead deer penis shooting out feathers on a bed of neckties, topped with a giant bow. Who wants to make it for me?
January 16, 2012 at 11:27 am
You know…for a formal occasion, you might want to have the penis shooting out pearls. Really classes it up.
Or maybe….the pearls shooting out of the penis can be connected to a necklace. A real ensemble piece.
January 16, 2012 at 11:31 am
Or your pearl necklace thong
January 16, 2012 at 1:01 pm
Which are a Conneckearring™ necklace!
January 16, 2012 at 11:42 am
So sad they no longer do alchemy requests.
January 16, 2012 at 11:43 am
I’m really starting to like the sound of this. It’ll be the ultimate OOAK.
January 17, 2012 at 12:39 am
http://www.boneroom.com/bone/miscbones.html Baculum= penis bone that way all have to do is add pearls feathers and your dreams of your boner boutonniere is in your grasp!
January 20, 2012 at 5:43 pm
I went to a wedding where the bride insisted on decorating with this lovely plant Asclepias curassavica. The common name is “monkey balls”.
January 16, 2012 at 11:20 am
I did enjoy the poem under the Tie Hat.
January 16, 2012 at 11:20 am
I think the penis one and the dolphin one were trying to get on Regretsy.
January 16, 2012 at 11:21 am
I like how adding a quote from someone famous or from a classic piece of literature is thought to make the item more appealing and important. It’s like they’re trying to use it as a celebrity endorsement. You can quote any piece of literature that you wish and your “work of obscure art” will still be a piece of garbage.
January 17, 2012 at 11:14 am
Thinking about all the fuckery that April has featured, I think I know a Bible quote that could be legitimately added to each cupcake’s listing:
Jesus wept.
January 16, 2012 at 11:21 am
I like the one that specifically targets furries as the customer.
And it uses the words whimsical.
You can’t make this stuff up.
January 16, 2012 at 11:23 am
I was wondering when someone would mention that!
It’s like furriewear for beginners or something.
January 16, 2012 at 11:28 am
My First Furry?
Yes….this is marketable.
January 16, 2012 at 11:47 am
Regretsy: Thinking up or finding disturbing children’s toys since 2009.
January 16, 2012 at 6:48 pm
Already been done, I’m afraid. This gal knows her audience too well.
January 16, 2012 at 11:36 am
But that’s the problem. Furries don’t like WEARING animals, they like BEING animals. So it’s really missing the point.
January 16, 2012 at 11:55 am
Yeah, I’m fairly certain the lady starting her comment with “furries behold” is not furry.
(It prompted a chuckle as it reminded me of Dr. Weird. “Gentlemen, behold!”)
January 16, 2012 at 11:21 am
The description of the Bambi one is exactly why I stopped checking in at the fibromyalgia forums. Yep, I have chronic inexplicable pain. Yep, it’s a bitch. So it would be great to get the occasional “Hey, hang in there!” rather than post after post of “NOBODY UNDERSTANDS MY PAAAIINNNNNN”.
I bet Bambi here refers to people without fibro as “normals” too. I really fucking hate that shit. You’re neither a cursed outcast from life, nor a super special snowflake. You’re just human like the rest of us fat ugly jealous losers.
Regretsy is WAY more therapeutic than a fibromyalgia forum.
January 16, 2012 at 11:25 am
She’s a super special flake alright, just not the kind she thinks she is.
January 16, 2012 at 11:26 am
Ha, that reminds me of a great story. I knew this girl in high school who claimed she had fibromyalgia. Essentially, it was just whatever would give her sympathy.
So, one day, after she went to the doctor, she comes back all serious and shit. She tells us that the doctor told her she had hypochondria, and that it was a really big deal.
I just about died. She had absolutely no idea what hypochondria meant. Soooo funny.
January 16, 2012 at 1:42 pm
There aren’t enough likes in the world for that story. I know a bunch of people like that.
January 16, 2012 at 5:55 pm
I know someone like that. I wonder if yours hD an older sister with a genuine medical condition that required attention. we think that’s how this one got so damn goofy.
January 16, 2012 at 6:51 pm
Oh shit, that sounds way too close to Munchausen.
January 16, 2012 at 8:44 pm
Best medical trolling ever.
January 16, 2012 at 11:27 am
NOBODY UNDERSTANDS MY PAAAIINNNNN except my entire family on my mother’s side. I guess most of this shit is hereditary! (except the back, that’s a car accident and falling on my tail bone a few too many times)
But seriously, Regretsy is the best pain support group ever! “I hurt!” “OMG me too!! *passes the painkiller*”
January 16, 2012 at 11:32 am
*passes the vodka*
Now it’s time to bag on more craftards.
January 16, 2012 at 11:39 am
I might drink some vodka later after the pain killer wears off. but we’re doing lunch and dinner with my in-laws, so I don’t want to be drunk right now. (although a part of me would love the relaxing quality of vodka… my back is not having a good day…)
January 16, 2012 at 11:44 am
Wait, you DON’t want to be drunk? I never wanted to spend time with my in-laws UNLESS I was drunk.
January 16, 2012 at 11:49 am
My in-laws are pretty awesome.
January 16, 2012 at 12:58 pm
You’re missing the point of pain killers. You don’t let them wear off before you drink the vodka. You partake of vodka and meds all at the SAME time.
May enhance the effects of medication you say? YES PLEASE!
January 16, 2012 at 11:58 am
Actually speaking of vodka the lady in the ties bears an uncanny resemblance to Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen.
New series: My Drunk Sewing Room! Ep. 1 begins with a pattern for a matching hat and tie set and ends with severe puncture wounds, more needles than a heroine addict and mangled cravat headgear in a brand new Etsy shop.
January 16, 2012 at 10:03 pm
I would so watch that. I would tape it and put it on a loop to watch repeatedly until the vodka and painkillers wore off.
January 16, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Ramen, sister.
I was looking for support when the pain specialist suggested I might have fibro. I found incessant whining, doctor-hating and “alternative, natural and holistic” crap treatment bullshit instead. “This enema cure totally works!!”
Fuck that. I can do without this kind of support, thankyouverymuch.
I prefer treating myself with un-holistic pain killers, heating pads, regretsy and lolcats.
January 17, 2012 at 10:14 am
That’s my prescription too!
January 16, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Oof. You’ve described just about every medical condition forum I’ve ever been on. At first, it’s kinda nice, being around a bunch of people who understand what you’re going through, but then you realize that there are some people who have made Being Sick With Condition X a lifestyle choice.
I just want to know I’m not alone and some tips on coping with the symptoms; I’m not interested in being Infertility Girl or MVP Crusader for the rest of my life, you know?
January 16, 2012 at 4:49 pm
This is what happens when you pass out drunk first at the party in the taxidermy shop. You wake up with the contents of the dustpan glued on your fucking head.
I would really like to see that worn WITH the alligator tits actually…
January 16, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Dear Mistletoe,
Because of this post, I love you so very much. I’m not sure if I have fibromyalgia or not (several doctors disagree, juvenile onset RA has been suggested) but even if I don’t, I still love you. Your attitude rocks.
Thanks.
Love,
Me
January 16, 2012 at 7:57 pm
Hey, hang in there!
January 16, 2012 at 10:04 pm
hang in there, and pass the wodka
January 17, 2012 at 4:39 pm
Back atcha babeh! *salute*
January 16, 2012 at 11:22 am
I and my great red turban.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79qOMUMLL0g&feature=g-upl&context=G2c4eca5AUAAAAAAAZAA
January 16, 2012 at 11:33 am
Now I can check “learning to wrap a turban” off of my bucket list.
January 16, 2012 at 11:35 am
Petja, you illustrated how to do that so well that even though I speak not a word of Finnish, I understood exactly what you were saying. I wish I had a length of material long enough to try it! Thank you for posting this!
January 16, 2012 at 12:00 pm
A length of 3-5 meters.
Cotton fabric, 140 cents wide, folded in the longitudinal direction, so that is about 40 cents wide.
Another way is 90 cents wide, folded double.
Fabric can be Thai or Dupion silk.
I’ve used turbans, because my head is so big that it is difficult to find in winter hats.
January 16, 2012 at 12:05 pm
My husband has the same problem! I’ll keep that in mind if we ever find he needs one.
January 16, 2012 at 2:30 pm
If you get to come to New York City, there is a felt hat shop downtown (I think 7th street) that makes felt hats from old hat blocks. They may have one to fit your head size.
OK, I got my hatbox out and looked at it: http://barbarafeinmanmillinery.com/
Expensive, but hand blocked and beautiful
(OK, so I have a hat problem, so what?)
January 17, 2012 at 1:27 am
New York, there are better hat companies.
That’s now look lace ass wanker company.
January 16, 2012 at 12:15 pm
So, so fabulous!! Petja, you are the gift that just keeps on giving! We, the drunken, salute you!! I have fabric and am off to try my own hand at a turban — and then I am taking a nap! . . . in the turban!!
January 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Sometimes the side of the forum, I will teach how to stop hiccups
January 16, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Nice!
January 16, 2012 at 1:48 pm
Petja, you sound like you are saying “cocks” at :27 and :30
January 16, 2012 at 3:41 pm
Is it so that you have some unmet needs?
January 17, 2012 at 1:25 am
I said, “it is, then stick to it, as the big …”
January 16, 2012 at 8:50 pm
Petja you look so stylish in everything you wear. You could make a dead raccoon sitting on your head look good.
January 17, 2012 at 12:56 am
Our genus has been the tradition.
We’re always fucked the best women in the place.
It then means that more than 500 years we have gathered charisma.
My charisma range will be of the same class with the missiles.
I can pull my head pussy
but I do not need to flee to the mountains.
January 17, 2012 at 7:05 am
I don’t know about you fjl’s but I just subscribed to Petja’s youtube channel!
January 16, 2012 at 11:23 am
“to me, the bambi wasn’t dying but wounded…”
BAMBI HAS NO FUCKING HEAD!
January 16, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Bambi is the best place on a platter.
Sure, it gets a good coat
January 16, 2012 at 12:15 pm
“It’s just a flesh wound!”
January 16, 2012 at 8:01 pm
I read enough of that to know that she’s referring to a previous “art piece” she did where she shot Bambi with a bow and arrow.
Apparently, since she didn’t trust the arrow to finish “the bambi” off, she decapitated it.
I’d pay money to read her therapists’ session notes.
January 16, 2012 at 11:26 am
Okay, well…
-Perfect for the hooker you put in the backseat of the Christmas gift Lexus
-Godzilla 1, Bambi 0
-Is that a lemon penis on your head or are you just happy to see me or are you out of your fucking mind?
-Look! I stuck my head in my dad’s closet!
-Phylis Diller stuck in a tree
-I’m horny!
-What happens when you cross a dolphin with a smurf and it then spooges in your eyes
…and so it goes
January 16, 2012 at 6:55 pm
Okay, why are you not a guest writer on this site? Fun stuff.
Of course, I could say the same of so many Regretsians here. *hugs for Regretsians*
January 16, 2012 at 11:29 am
I thought the *definition* of “couture” was “women with stupid shit on their heads.”
January 16, 2012 at 11:30 am
it’s going to take me forever to decide which one i want to wear to the next royal wedding.
January 16, 2012 at 12:32 pm
By default, Twitta Dee and Twitta Dumb should be on this list as honorary Shit Heads.
January 16, 2012 at 11:32 am
quick! Where’s the photo of Chefann wearing the kitchen scrubby butterfly in her hair? I deserves to be among this awesomeness.
January 16, 2012 at 11:37 am
A rack of antlers sends the perfect message to all the guys at the bar: “STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME.”
January 16, 2012 at 11:57 am
I need one of these to wear on the bus and keep the raving crack addicts away.
January 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm
Doesn’t work. And I know.
January 16, 2012 at 1:15 pm
I figured it would induce rack jokes
January 16, 2012 at 11:40 am
Is it bad that I kind of like the taxidermy piece? I’d wear it proudly around NYC and tourists would be like “OH! Look at the silly American with the jackalope-bird thing on her head!”
Is it too early to be drinking?
January 16, 2012 at 4:44 pm
I believe you are referencing the Wolpertinger, which is from the Black Forest. The Jackalope is similar, but lacks the fangs and wings and is native to the American Southwest. Also, I have a hard enough time finding Americans that know about the Jackalope to believe that tourists from other countries would recognize it.
January 16, 2012 at 6:18 pm
Okay, so they’d just think I was crazy.
And I know plenty of Americans that know of the jackalope. O_o
January 16, 2012 at 11:40 am
Go ahead and thumb me down, but I think some of Arturo Rios’ hats on his site are pretty fucking fabulous (although not this giant red Lexus bow.)
Also I would totally buy that Bambi hat if it weren’t $650 or whatever the exchange rate is. Unfortunately it’s already been taken down.
January 16, 2012 at 11:53 am
I have noticed that he does get “inspired” by preexisting hats though. His hat is on the right.
January 16, 2012 at 11:56 am
Wait … are you actually implying someone on Etsy STOLE ideas from elsewhere?!
I like the gray one that looks like it has a feathered volcano erupting on top. Would wear that to Trader Joe’s or a funeral.
January 16, 2012 at 11:55 am
I actually agree with you. Arturo has stuff that I could see in photo shoots. And I would totally get the taxidermy thing, but I wouldn’t know where to wear it.. Plus I can make it cheaper.
I’m a southern girl, we kill the animals ourselves, eat everything in them, and use the bones to make crazy shit, like headpieces.
January 16, 2012 at 6:57 pm
Hey, us northern girls do that too. Us backwood types have some major love for our southern sisters.
January 17, 2012 at 4:38 pm
I’ll kill twice the amount of animals and send you one. We’ll walk around every street in the north and south until everyone has seen how whimsical they are.
January 16, 2012 at 11:43 am
I thought that red bow was rather fabulous the first 800 times Etsy included it in their emails, but now I choke on it like the brussel sprouts Granny used to sneak into my dinner.
January 16, 2012 at 11:45 am
Perhaps this line of headgear should be dubbed “When craft stores and flea markets attack!”
January 16, 2012 at 11:48 am
These headpieces give me an ice cream headache
January 16, 2012 at 11:50 am
Introducing the 2012 reboot of Mothra!
January 16, 2012 at 12:08 pm
January 16, 2012 at 12:34 pm
***I will donate $5 to April’s Army*** in honor of someone if they Photoshop for me Princess Beatrice’s hat from the Royal wedding being approached by these two spermatozoa of a hat, as if to fertilize it.
January 16, 2012 at 11:52 am
the lemon penis is missing a scrotum. peniscraft is not as simple as just tacking two balls on to a dick. do it right, or just leave the balls out of it. also, in all the times i’ve shot a load, it never exploded out in 15 separate simultaneous streams. F minus.
January 16, 2012 at 6:00 pm
You’re doing it wrong?
January 16, 2012 at 11:59 am
Isn’t one of these fabulous couture designers that wonderful lady who created the stuffed glove fascinator a while back?
January 16, 2012 at 11:59 am
The sad thing is that I can see that big ass bow on the front page.
January 16, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Oh it’s so sad. Why didn’t the headpiece of ties come out in time for the Hobo Wedding. It is so perfectly tacky.
January 16, 2012 at 12:03 pm
I’ve seen furries stick a lot of weird shit on their head but the sacrificial headband plush is pretty odd even by furry standards (I don’t think it’s that bad actually, but it’s not a common furry thing). Also, she should mention “phins” or cetaceans if she’s actually trying to sell that to furries since these are the only kind of furries who are likely to want to wear that particular piece in public.
Also, I liked the Bambi until I realized those weren’t supposed to be flowers and birds. “Bambi” the craftard appears to be caught in the headlights of a monster truck, unfortunately.
Oh, and hey, note to sellers: I don’t need to hear your life story about the chronic pain condition you suffer from to guilt me into purchasing a weird thing for my head. Although I guess I’m more likely to buy it if you stuff it with some of your leftover Vicodin.
January 16, 2012 at 12:03 pm
1) i can’t wear the summer bridal wig every day? well i don’t want it, then!
2) furries are not the same thing as plushies.
3) if those antlers were a headpiece without all that other shit i’d be all over it.
January 16, 2012 at 12:04 pm
4) i secretly kindof dig the tie hat thing
January 16, 2012 at 1:19 pm
Oi, someone else who knows plushies exist *shudder*
January 16, 2012 at 4:21 pm
Yes, stuffed animals do exist. You are correct.
January 16, 2012 at 1:49 pm
The word “plushie” a common shibboleth in furry fandom. “Plushie” has always meant “a stuffed animal”, and never meant anything else. Someone who has er…romantic relations with plushies is a “plushophile”.
The reason for the confusion is some hack from Vanity Fair misquoted a furry and Hollywood based everything they know about furries on that one article.
I also doubt someone’s sexual attraction to a stuffed animal or lack thereof would dictate headwear. It’s not like I walk around with a vibrator strapped to my forehead, or a priest wears an altar boy as a hat for that matter…
Okay, maybe it happens sometimes.
January 17, 2012 at 3:17 am
excellent.
January 16, 2012 at 12:05 pm
Didn’t Buffalobluedesigns throw a gigantic fit last time you featured her (with her glove-hat)? Wonder if that’s what San Andreas’ fault waiting for to swallow California in one bite.
January 16, 2012 at 12:08 pm
I thought only men could be dickheads. I stand corrected!
January 16, 2012 at 12:10 pm
I kind of like the Bambi one, but what would I wear with it? I’m thinking this:
http://ep.yimg.com/ca/I/yhst-87811716240312_2192_3627474
January 16, 2012 at 12:18 pm
THAT is amazing. I know where you can get a couch to match that dress.
January 16, 2012 at 12:11 pm
I’m going to venture a guess that the creator of the Bambi fascinator was never taught as a child to abstain from chewing one’s finger. You never know what invisible illnesses you’ll wind up catching when you do that, especially after failing to wash your hands after shooting deer in the woods.
That said, I might wear the antler one if there wasn’t a haphazard wing/alligator foot/dryer lint stuck on for prosperity.
January 16, 2012 at 12:12 pm
I want every last one of these so I can force my guests to wear them during my next Mad Tea Party themed birthday party…all my friends hate me.
January 16, 2012 at 12:17 pm
Oh no….http://www.etsy.com/listing/63224881/silly-lobster-headdress. I need a small child to raid every claw machine ala Walmart in town!
January 16, 2012 at 12:20 pm
DAMN! Dead Bambi was removed!
January 16, 2012 at 12:22 pm
The first one looks Photoshopped and the person who made the Bambi one needs to drink bleach.
January 16, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Isn’t BuffaloBlueDesigns a veteran Regretsy feature? She was ‘glove on my head’ girl… amiright?
January 16, 2012 at 7:02 pm
To be fair, the glove on the head idea was also stolen. Else Schiaparelli did it first without stuffing the gloves, as a joke on the hat/glove standard in the 30s and 40s (now you could have both in one piece– and not lose a glove either!) and Dolce & Gabbana copied it as a salute to Schiaparelli a few years ago.
January 16, 2012 at 12:31 pm
I love the lack of justification for the Floral Penis headband.
Dead bambi and ugly tie hat try to convince you with lyrical paragraphs but Floral Penis headband knows where it stands. Want a cock fascinator? No? Move the fuck along then.
January 17, 2012 at 7:20 am
You can call it a “cock fascinator” all you want, I have a cock and assure it was not fascinated, I even double checked.
January 16, 2012 at 12:35 pm
from an artistic standpoint the big red bow one is stunning, it’d be fun to paint on a model. You couldn’t wear it anywhere without people thinking you were memorializing the massive head trauma you suffered that led you to think it was good idea to wear that out of the house, though.
and if the necktie one was in better colors for me, I have to admit I’d consider wearing it, at 75$ I would not however consider buying it. It may be 75$ worth of time and materials, I will grant that.
Just not my 75$. I have a sewing machine, a giant box of neckties no one wants, and I make hats for fun.
January 16, 2012 at 7:03 pm
And you probably sew ones that are constructed better and fit properly.
January 17, 2012 at 7:21 am
But do you look a little like Maggie Gyllenhaal?
January 16, 2012 at 12:37 pm
One of my biggest gripes is girls/women who put on wild make-up ala Whale Lady and don’t bother to groom their brows. And in her case, her mangled mane.
It’s bad enough she glued a Beanie Baby to a headband and is trying to market it to furries but GODDAMN is she lazy.
January 16, 2012 at 7:05 pm
Is this a stale trend abomination from fashion runways? I’d be happy to blame it on whatever idiot decided that bad brows and frizzed-to-all-hell hair are the perfect complements to wild eye makeup. I’ve seen this for quite a while and it will not go away.
January 16, 2012 at 12:40 pm
“And do you, sir, take this head-case to be your lawfully-wedded wife?”
*thinking i do i do i do i think i can*
“Nope. Sorry. I don’t.”
January 16, 2012 at 12:40 pm
I kind of *love* the bird wig. It makes me feel better about my premature gray. Now I just need to divorce my husband and find someone new to marry so I can have an occasion to wear it. Yep, that’s what I need.
January 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Me too…and it would explain to my friends and family why I was getting married and having a white wedding. “Ohhhh,” they’d say, “she went craaazy.”
January 16, 2012 at 12:52 pm
The bird wig has, in a sense, been done before and (naturally) much better:
Gloria Swanson in the 1919 film Male and Female. (Directed by Cecil B. DeMille so you know he had to get a little costume porn in there.)
January 16, 2012 at 1:03 pm
Taking it a step further… Stephen Jones for Giles, Spring 2012.
January 16, 2012 at 1:52 pm
and one from Colonial Williamsburg, where fuckery existed in the 18th century:
January 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm
Looks like Betty White, rolling her eyes.
January 16, 2012 at 3:19 pm
The Wise One in the Labyrith has a live bird hat which provides a running commentary.
January 16, 2012 at 6:01 pm
“It’s so stimulating being your hat.”
January 16, 2012 at 1:35 pm
Now we know why Joseph Kennedy fucked around on his wife. He wanted to mount that peahen and prove what a peacock he really was to himself.
January 16, 2012 at 7:06 pm
I LOVE costume porn (and old movies, especially silents), but I never had a word for it before now! Thank you!
Mmm, costume porn.
January 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm
I REALLLLLYYYYY want the bambi piece. Hell, I’d wear it to my wedding, to the hospital when I give birth, to my divorce hearing, and funeral.
January 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm
Vintage fox fur? When does the dead animal go from being just dead to vintage? I might have some vintage squirrel in my attic…
January 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm
Who runs away from the mountains?
January 16, 2012 at 12:55 pm
People without a cunt pulled over their heads?
January 16, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Can you guess what is in my head?
January 17, 2012 at 7:23 am
Dirty thoughts?
January 16, 2012 at 12:55 pm
Lady Gaga called and wants to know how she didn’t get onto a list of this nature.
January 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm
FINALLY! I now can wear my hobbled together hats and look cool. Animal parts on a hat!! How could anyone ever call that shit. Dead Bambi? No way, I want a real dead seagull with a giant red bow (and maybe a few solo cups, yeahhhh.)
If these are acceptable, I think we should push the envelope and create even more hats that are larger and even more disturbing. Etsy has made this very easy…
January 16, 2012 at 7:21 pm
Yes,but can I pull off any of these “looks” as a man? Can someone ask Lady Gaga how she does it?
January 17, 2012 at 9:34 am
I have observed Lady GaGa, and I am pretty sure she applies heavy amounts of “CouldGiveAFuckLess” ™ to pull-off those looks.
January 16, 2012 at 1:06 pm
bambi looks like a cross between a camel and a rabbit.
and i want a Taxidermy Couture-inspired Project Runway. how much of a fucktastrophe would that be?
January 16, 2012 at 7:08 pm
No more of a fucktastrophe than Project Runway has been since Christian Siriano won, unfortunately….
January 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm
I know the back stores to some of these:
Red bow. Chick had big bow on her Christmas present (winter coat? Exercycle?) She looks, says “what can I do with my garbage? I know, I’ll glue shit to other shit and well it on Etsy for ridiculous price!”
The literal dead head with the antlers? Her hubby works as a taxidermist and she recycles his mistakes. Poor thing’s “hat” is so tight that she didn’t realize that alligators do not have “paws.”
January 16, 2012 at 6:03 pm
Doesn’t everyone stick the bows from their Christmas presents on their heads? No? Just my weird family then?
January 16, 2012 at 2:01 pm
I don’t care what anyone says, that red bow hat doo-dad is the hotness. All the others may be a mess but the bow is a HOT mess.
January 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm
It’s the fake, ostrich feather jiz on the penis headband that’s kinda freakin’ me out here. I mean, I’m an open-minded girl but I draw the line at cum in my hair.
January 16, 2012 at 4:36 pm
I’d totally wear that freakin’ antler/wing thing. It says it attaches to any hairstyle. Mines 1/2″ long, bitches, strap me up with some ANTLERS!!!
January 16, 2012 at 5:00 pm
My hair is also currently about 1/2″ long, so I’d like to have the matching fascinator made from the other wing, please.
January 16, 2012 at 5:02 pm
Now I will buy it.
January 16, 2012 at 7:23 pm
Now,THAT is a LOOK,honey! -Every Gay Nerd Ever. As a gay nerd,I can say that,right? I need to consult my handbook….
January 16, 2012 at 7:34 pm
To quote my husband, “And last but not least, I glued a stuffed dolphin to my head!” . . .
January 16, 2012 at 7:59 pm
My offer still stands.
***I will donate $5 to April’s Army*** in honor of someone if they Photoshop for me Princess Beatrice’s hat from the Royal wedding being approached by the red spermatozoa of a hat (the red bow tie one with the tails), as if to fertilize it.
January 16, 2012 at 9:29 pm
The grammar/ unprofessional language in the first entry bothers me wayyyyy more than any of these hats.
OMG! Lyke, should I totes mcgoates buy this?! YAYES! Smiley face!!!!!!!!!1111111111111!!!!!!!!! Bow on my head for getting fucked by frat guyzzzz!
January 16, 2012 at 9:59 pm
Those are all hilarious, and I would wear them all. Possibly at the same time.
But especially the cock.
January 16, 2012 at 10:16 pm
Most of these are legit stupid, but a couple just look like misguided attempts to be the new Chris March.
But there’s pretty much no topping that guy when it comes to headwear, so I’m still laughing at all of them.
January 16, 2012 at 10:24 pm
Until today I didn’t know how badly I need a penis fascinator with faux semen erupting forth. I don’t even like penises but having one on a headband opens up a whole new world of possibilities. I need this.
January 16, 2012 at 10:59 pm
I actually like the wig, but I’d be wearing something like that for Halloween or at Comic Con. For the latter it would be blue with a light on top, not unlike what I threw together for last Halloween.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/40566216@N04/sets/72157627882757929/
But for the others – well, except for the penis one which would be great for some types of parties – I don’t understand why anyone would want them. Unless they were high.
January 17, 2012 at 3:39 am
at the time of this post NO ONE HAS BOUGHT THE PENIS YET. I am thrilled, and yet disappointed in you all.
January 17, 2012 at 8:33 am
I’m fairly certain the chick who makes the white wigs doesn’t frequent Ren Faires….
January 17, 2012 at 2:18 pm
And the chick with the dolphin hat has never even read about furries, either.
January 17, 2012 at 8:42 am
I see what you did there, HK! You posted this right after the post with you in you Nike sandal hat:P
January 17, 2012 at 2:11 pm
I love the white wig/bird thing. And I would wear the shit out of it.
January 17, 2012 at 2:17 pm
I used Find to see if anyone had already made a “dickhead” comment (they have) and am shocked to see that the word “dick” has only been used TWICE, so far.
DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK
There.
..and GOATSE! =O=
January 17, 2012 at 2:36 pm
As a writer, and thinker of complicated thoughts and a general “muser”, I tried really hard to understand the blurb from the Artist Formerly Known as Bambi. Shouldn’t there be some sort of punctuation, or more words in the first couple of lines? Why are you telling us all about the history of A PIECE THAT IS NOT PICTURED HERE? And I hate to nitpick, but if your “Bambi Has Fibromyalgia” piece is indeed UP FOR INTERPRETATION, then you can’t tell me what it’s supposed to stand for, right?
I guess what I’m trying to say is…Jesus that’s an ugly hat.
January 17, 2012 at 5:28 pm
Bjork called, she wants her head wardrobe back.
January 17, 2012 at 8:02 pm
I feel like the penis headband is the least ridiculous out of these. I can’t believe I just typed that sentence…
January 19, 2012 at 4:26 am
the penis headband is genius! obviously its taking the piss
April 3, 2012 at 10:21 pm
this is the first time i’ve seen these, i dont know where i was in january.
i still have a question, same question idve had then:
where, precisely does a person where a floral lemon penis headband?
for real. i mean, i dont go to college any more. it’s been a while. i woulda worn it there &, at the time, i woulda been the only person to wear it there. people were still scared of punkrockers then.
otoh, i also love that giant red satin bow thing & i have no idea where to wear that either.
not that i can afford either, even though theyre both still available. after rebuilding my whole life slowly & carefully post-tragedy, it’s all gonna go into my teeth. i hope not.