Suffocakes™
I swear to God, ever since Martha Stewart did her Dead-Baby-in-a-Dry-Cleaning-Bag diaper cake, everyone’s doing them. It’s such a cliche at this point. “Pregnant? Here’s dead baby in a bag!” *YAWN*
Just once I’d like to see someone do a Baby-Drowned-in-a-Bucket diaper cake. Now that would be adorable. Especially if the dad works in construction.
January 4, 2012 at 11:32 am
Can’t suffocate if you have no face.
Loophole identified. Enjoy your creepy, weird dead baby cake.
January 4, 2012 at 11:50 am
No, even that loophole doesn’t excuse it.
January 4, 2012 at 11:32 am
Is this from the Andrea Yates or the Susan Smith collection?
January 4, 2012 at 8:34 pm
Neither. Their medium was water.
Okay, move over. I’ve got to fit in this handbasket, too. One ticket to Hell, please.
January 4, 2012 at 11:33 am
OR if the MOM worked in construction!
January 4, 2012 at 11:35 am
“Blindfolded for your kidnapping convenience”
January 4, 2012 at 11:35 am
What exactly makes it a cake?
January 4, 2012 at 11:37 am
I was going to ask the same thing. Is that a Martha Stewart thing, to call a bunch of baby clothes “cake” because its… wrapped up? But you don’t wrap a cake….
I’m going to crawl back under my rock.
January 4, 2012 at 11:47 am
It’s because of diaper “cakes” – which actually are made to look like a cake. So basically, they made a different shape out of diapers, and figured, wtf, the other ones are “cakes” to this is too. Either that, or they’re comparing it to a Cake Wreck dead baby cake…..which is even creepier, as you eat said dead baby….
January 4, 2012 at 11:49 am
I have been to a baby shower in which the baby-face-down cake was served. It was red velvet. I had to leave, at that point.
January 4, 2012 at 11:57 am
whereas i would have asked for another vodka red bull.
January 4, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Too many photos to post. Whiskeyish, it could have been SO much worse…
http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2011/7/22/the-search-for-the-worlds-most-disturbing-shower-cake-ends-h.html
January 4, 2012 at 12:14 pm
OMG…Baby Autopsy Cake. It’s what’s for dessert.
January 4, 2012 at 11:58 am
then that should more accurately be described as a “diaper sculpture”.
My question for the seller is this: Is the baby constructed from diapers *wearing* a diaper?
January 4, 2012 at 1:20 pm
meta diapers?
January 4, 2012 at 12:08 pm
You mean you can’t even eat the dead baby!?
Who brings an inedible baby to a party?
Worse, that makes it hunger teasing ON TOP OF sloppy nomenclature.
That’s just gauche.
January 4, 2012 at 12:11 pm
This is why Jonathan Swift doesn’t go to parties anymore.
January 4, 2012 at 12:15 pm
Oh, that’s good. Wish I’d thought of that.
January 4, 2012 at 12:20 pm
Coincidentally, so-called “diaper cakes” are also the reason I no longer attend baby showers. But it could always be worse. One shower, the hostess served up these dahhhhling little cupcakes, each one decorated like a bulging baby diaper, and the filling in the middle was a nasty yellowish-green frosting. I nearly barfed on the expectant mommy.
January 4, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I am convinced that most baby showers are a creepy mix of infantilizing and sexualizing the pregnant woman, while simultaneously discouraging everyone else from wanting to reproduce.
January 4, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Rana, you mean like this?
(From the above cakewrecks link)
January 4, 2012 at 1:54 pm
PaganChick, that is one of the grossest things I have ever heard. I had horrible nausea all throughout my pregnancies and specifically forbid any diaper-related humor at my shower. I would have been vomiting all over the place.
As far as this item goes, I actually gasped in horror before I realized what it was. To me this is one of the creepiest things ever on Regretsy.
January 4, 2012 at 5:32 pm
@PaganChick
There should be a special place in Hell (full of kale & beets)for people who besmirch cupcakes.
January 4, 2012 at 9:05 pm
That and his not being alive anymore. Details.
January 4, 2012 at 3:13 pm
For the record, I’m cool with sexualizing pregnant women.
January 4, 2012 at 3:14 pm
I’m not sure who would keeping such a record or why, but there ya go.
January 5, 2012 at 1:44 am
Well that is pretty bad- but think of all the other things that could be worse? Baby pinatas? Or baby shaped rattles- ’cause of all of the horrible things one is not supposed to do to a baby other than just eating them (or not in the case of faux-cake) that has not fully been represented I feel. There is a whole rainbow of child abuse that has not yet been explored.
granted, I like babies, I just can’t eat a whole one myself.
(This is my first post- I guess I should be ready for the thumb down shower! Wee!)
January 5, 2012 at 12:04 pm
I once saw a Dora the Explorer piñata.
I wonder what the intended target market is for a fake Latina girl you hang from a tree and swat with a stick.
January 5, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Depends. Does it come with a voice chip that yells “Ayudame! Ayudame!” over and over until you hit it?
January 4, 2012 at 11:35 am
Why do they insist on calling these stupid things “cakes”? It’s made of diapers and baby clothes. You can’t eat it. It’s NOT a fucking cake!
January 4, 2012 at 11:41 am
I was wondering the exact same thing. There’s nothing “cake” about it unless you enjoy eating diapers and clothes…
January 4, 2012 at 11:42 am
A urinal cake isn’t edible either…
January 4, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Says you….
January 4, 2012 at 12:28 pm
Deep fried and served with ketchup?
January 4, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Americans, I am proud to say, will eat ANYTHING if you deep fry it.
exhibit A:
http://cf4l.regretsy.com/2012/01/01/foodporn-2012/
January 4, 2012 at 11:46 am
Women can get crazy when they’re pregnant.
I ate some Taco Bell when I was pregnant, and that’s not food.
January 4, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Now I know what I’m doing for lunch. Taco Bell, not getting pregnant, except with a baby made of burritos. Less creepy than the diaper baby thing.
January 4, 2012 at 1:04 pm
Reminded me of this classic:
January 4, 2012 at 3:17 pm
That *would* happen at Walmart.
January 4, 2012 at 8:40 pm
Judging from the names, that’s the Bay Area. I used to live about 90 minutes from there. Glad we moved.
January 4, 2012 at 9:12 pm
SOMEBODY THREW AWAY A PERFECTLY GOOD BURRITO?!
January 4, 2012 at 12:12 pm
The cake is a lie?
January 4, 2012 at 11:36 am
Um…I see the dead baby, but where’s the cake? I was told there’d be cake!
January 4, 2012 at 12:31 pm
The cake is a lie.
January 4, 2012 at 12:41 pm
I’m with you!
*bangs forks on table* CAKE! CAKE! CAKE!
January 4, 2012 at 11:37 am
I saw “diaper cake” and I pictured like a urinal cake thing to ward off the disposed-of diaper smells in the nursery.
But then again I’m dense and forgot the whole diaper-cake thing.
January 4, 2012 at 11:40 am
This idea has so much potential.
January 4, 2012 at 11:37 am
I’m glad you posted this. I’m expecting my first child and I had no idea that you were supposed to wrap the baby in plastic and tie a bow around it when it sleeps. I was just going to put it in a cradle. What a mistake that would’ve been.
January 4, 2012 at 11:41 am
There’s also the “Pillow Method”.
That’ll free up your afternoon. Well, all your afternoons really.
January 4, 2012 at 12:22 pm
Other than the obligatory 15 minute stroll around the exercise yard, and the daily afternoon shanking in the showers.
January 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I can’t help but think that it should be a blue blanket it’s wrapped in…
January 4, 2012 at 5:42 pm
Yes, it would give it that realistic cyanotic look that this one is missing.
January 4, 2012 at 11:39 am
Isn’t this an episode of Doctor Who? Faceless, plastic humans?
January 4, 2012 at 11:41 am
Y’see, these are from the “Grow-your-own-Auton” range up at Target, give it 2-3 weeks and you have your own Auton invasion to act out your Doctor Who fantasies!
January 4, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Acting out my Doctor Who fantasies… he he… yup, I’d be up for that. How many incarnations do I get? I choose 9th, 10th AND 11th
January 4, 2012 at 8:42 pm
I want 4th, but only in his DW-era prime
January 4, 2012 at 8:43 pm
And can we work out some sort of timeshare for 10th?
January 4, 2012 at 11:48 am
Rose (the mannequins), The Rebel Flesh, The Almost People, the autons around the Pandorica….
That’s it. This cake is an auton, here to destroy the world…or just to detroy crafting sites and baby showers.
January 4, 2012 at 11:41 am
The cake is a lie.
January 4, 2012 at 1:30 pm
Hahaha!
Excellent obscure reference.
January 4, 2012 at 2:01 pm
And even better reading it for the third time (so far) this post.
January 4, 2012 at 4:28 pm
Zaer did actually post it first. The others were in reply to previous comments. They just didn’t read all the comments first
January 4, 2012 at 11:42 am
What happened to keeping gifts in their original packaging so they don’t look used/regifted?
January 4, 2012 at 12:11 pm
That’s why I plan to leave my first hatchling wrapped in its gestation sack.
January 4, 2012 at 11:44 am
FINALLY, a SIDS themed baby shower gift.
January 4, 2012 at 12:04 pm
For those unwanted pregnancies?
I can’t even believe I just typed that. I’m the worst person in the world.
January 4, 2012 at 12:10 pm
THAT’S MORBID! THAT’S CONDESCENDING! THAT’S WAY OUT OF LINE! Oh fuck I have to stop….I’m laughing too hard….
January 4, 2012 at 12:24 pm
Great, now I don’t feel so guilty for snickering, myself.
January 4, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Maybe we should post a warning to the comments here… SIDS is horrible and heartbreaking to the parents…but then again, this is the Land of Fuckery and there are times when we merrily step over the line, then turn around and piss on it.
January 4, 2012 at 3:18 pm
To be fair, I don’t think anyone is laughing at ACTUAL dead babies. But the idea is so morbidly awful that you either laugh or cry, and tears are for pussies.
January 4, 2012 at 3:27 pm
I know what you mean, about having to laugh or cry. Humor is not far from pathos.
I remember a friend telling me about how right after his father died, he was in the hospital getting treatment for agonizing kidney stones, when they noticed something up with his blood and found he had lymphoma…I couldn’t help it, I started to giggle. Thank heaven, he joined in. He knows my gallows humor, which I blame on growing up in a house equidistant from a funeral home and a cemetery…
January 4, 2012 at 12:20 pm
Hallmark has just come out with a line of SIDS-themed baby shower cards and party goods. One example of an invitation:
You’re invited to a SIDS shower
Guaranteed fun, hour by hour!
Put ‘em on their tummies
While you munch on the yummies.
When you’re done, don’t say ‘bye’—
Just pick up the babies and toss ‘em high!
That’s a SIDS shower for you and I!
(Somebody save me a seat going to Hell? I’ll bring the vodka-infused Gummi Bears, ‘kay?)
January 4, 2012 at 12:24 pm
Keep the gummies, just bring the vodka, and you’ve got a seat next to mine!
January 4, 2012 at 12:47 pm
I’ll be right behind you with the brandy.
January 4, 2012 at 2:49 pm
Um, can someone tell me again- where are we going and why are we in this hand basket?
January 4, 2012 at 8:45 pm
I’m so glad to have company in this basket.
January 4, 2012 at 11:47 am
mmmm…diaper’s. it’s what’s for dinner.
January 4, 2012 at 11:50 am
Convo me for extra gravy!
January 4, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Available in yellow or brown!
January 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm
eat recycled food it is ok for you and good for the environment ….
+100 in cool if you get the reference
January 4, 2012 at 11:48 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
January 4, 2012 at 11:50 am
I realize that it’s difficult to make faces on your weird symbolic baby-gift things. But sometimes doing what’s easy isn’t doing what’s right.
January 4, 2012 at 11:54 am
Blue for boys!
Oh wait, they all turn blue eventually.
January 4, 2012 at 6:26 pm
That’s just …. accurate.
January 4, 2012 at 11:54 am
Don’t they know babies die if you don’t put them on their back to sleep?
Oh wait, I guess that’s not really a concern when it’s wrapped in plastic.
January 4, 2012 at 11:58 am
“100% usable when the baby is born.”
Because cellophane and bows make wonderful baby toys!
January 4, 2012 at 11:59 am
I prefer neutral babies, myself.
January 4, 2012 at 12:00 pm
I said I’d eat less cake this year to lose weight. This will do it.
January 4, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Shouldn’t the plastic have that THIS IS NOT A TOY warning for extra irony?
“WARNING: Keep this bag away from babies and children. Do not use in cribs, beds, carriages, or playpens. The thin film may cling to nose and mouth and prevent breathing.”
January 4, 2012 at 12:12 pm
“WARNING: Not an actual cake. Do not attempt to eat. Not an actual baby. Do not attempt to feed. Not actually sleeping, as it is an inanimate object. Do not attempt to wake.”
January 4, 2012 at 12:18 pm
“DO NOT PANIC if Sleeping Baby Cake does not appear to be breathing. Do not call 911 or go to the hospital. Sleeping Baby Cake is neither sleeping, nor a baby, nor cake. It is a bunch of cheap diapers crammed into some clothing in an attempt to resemble the corpse of an infant. Do not taunt Sleeping Baby Cake. Sleeping Baby Cake may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.”
January 4, 2012 at 12:26 pm
“Your mileage may vary.”
January 4, 2012 at 12:26 pm
“Member FDIC.”
January 4, 2012 at 8:46 pm
“Ask a doctor if Sleeping Baby Cake is right for you.”
January 4, 2012 at 9:14 pm
“Sleeping Baby Cake is not for women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant.”
January 4, 2012 at 5:16 pm
Offer not good in some states, tax, tags and coffin extra.
January 5, 2012 at 7:01 am
“This comment thread is sold by weight, not volume. Jokes may have settled slightly during shipment.”
January 4, 2012 at 7:40 pm
From the makers of Happy Fun Ball™ and Bag-O-Glass™–accept no substitutes!
*cheesy infomercial sparkly smile and exaggerated thumbs-up*
January 5, 2012 at 9:03 am
Professional driver. Closed course. Do not attempt.
My first comment! *Waves*
January 4, 2012 at 1:32 pm
I was thinking the same thing. I do wonder if the plastic bag used has the warning stamp on it because that would be super awesome and make me laugh for a couple hours.
January 4, 2012 at 12:02 pm
This kind of reminds me of those creepy-ass kid “statues” people get that have the hair and all that, and look like they’re standing in the naughty corner, or crying against the couch?? I just cannot figure out why why why you’d want a faceless, stuffed child thing that looks like you’re punishing it…
January 4, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Practice.
January 4, 2012 at 12:35 pm
My dad got one of those. Or his girlfriend. Doesn’t matter. They were all creepy.
January 4, 2012 at 8:01 pm
All “realistic” dolls are creepy. Ugh.
January 5, 2012 at 1:59 am
..And realistic dads (smiley face, heart, heart)
January 4, 2012 at 8:48 pm
I only want one of those if it comes with a flagpole, for a “Christmas Story”-themed yard decoration. But I’d spend the rest of the year sleepless and terrified of it, so it’s just not worth it.
January 4, 2012 at 12:03 pm
If daddy works in construction, shouldn’t it be a baby encased in cement?
I think that could actually work. Just a big, grey cake, but when you cut it open, you get baby strata.
Like a tiramisu of infanticide.
January 4, 2012 at 5:51 pm
Oh fuck yes. Now I know what I’m baking for next Halloween.
January 4, 2012 at 6:14 pm
I read of a baby shower where the cake was in the shape of a pregnant torso (no limbs, apparently) and when the mom-to-be cut into the tummy, was greeted with gobs of vanilla pudding annnnnd when she dug further (as instructed), she found a little plastic baby. She loved it! Thought it was hilarious. Must have been the surging hormones.
January 5, 2012 at 9:58 am
I’d think you’d want gobs of vanilla pudding in the giant penis cake for the bachelorette party. For the baby shower, shouldn’t the inside be like a red velvet layer cake with a hidden reservoir of raspberry or strawberry filling?
January 4, 2012 at 12:06 pm
My friend’s mom makes diaper cakes. But hers look like a variation of this:![]()
Which is adorable.
January 4, 2012 at 12:08 pm
http://www.amazingdiapercakes.com/page/page/4139824.htm
Guess the pic didn’t work.
January 4, 2012 at 12:22 pm
Those are really cool!
See, that actually takes some work. That thing up there . . . anybody can stuff some diapers in an sleeper in a couple of minutes. Why would you ever pay someone $30 (plus another $10 shipping) to do it for you?
January 4, 2012 at 12:27 pm
You buy diapers lately??
January 4, 2012 at 7:38 pm
No, why? Have they added fangs or something that makes them tricky to handle?
January 5, 2012 at 8:36 am
I’m so so sorry to do this, but I even logged in solely to disagree with you because I feel so strongly that YOU MUST NOT CALL THAT WHICH IS NOT : CAKE.
Ta’ ta and I’ll go take another round of back pain pills now. XOXO
January 4, 2012 at 12:07 pm
A breathtaking likeness!
January 4, 2012 at 12:13 pm
I see what you did there!
January 4, 2012 at 12:08 pm
Why don’t they make these cakes appropriate for a bris? At least then something is properly cut off, rather than sweet delicious baby legs.
January 4, 2012 at 6:29 pm
I immediately thought of Hillshire Farms.
January 6, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Go meat!
January 4, 2012 at 12:29 pm
I must be getting old. When did nicely arranged gift baskets (or baby tubs, etc…) of items become passe? Why must everything be a “cake” or look like a crime scene photo?
I guess nothing says loving like wrapping your baby in plastic. Heck, use a roaster bag and you can have loving from the oven! Easy double entendre! No effort required.
Pass the red velvet baby autopsy cake, please.
January 4, 2012 at 2:33 pm
CSI and Ace of Cakes.
January 4, 2012 at 4:18 pm
CSI: Charm City!
January 4, 2012 at 3:32 pm
Like some placenta with your baby autopsy cake?
January 4, 2012 at 5:35 pm
As frosting or filling?
January 4, 2012 at 12:30 pm
I was so excited when the Doctor told me I was having a little baby neutral.
January 4, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Cake….or death? Or in this case, both!!!
January 4, 2012 at 5:48 pm
I was just thinking the same thing! Actually they ran out of cake so your choice would have to be death. WF11 you made my day
January 4, 2012 at 7:42 pm
I’ll have the chicken, please.
January 4, 2012 at 1:08 pm
April must have cake on her mind because it’s her birthday! And she chose this one because she wants to eat a baby. I could be wrong about the last part.
January 4, 2012 at 2:05 pm
Well, they ARE pretty tender.
January 4, 2012 at 4:19 pm
The veal of cannibalism.
January 4, 2012 at 5:13 pm
Served with baby carrots, baby spinach salad and baby pears for dessert.
January 4, 2012 at 2:10 pm
I was thinking the same thing – have a good one!
January 4, 2012 at 1:28 pm
Gross that they call it a “diaper cake”. If someone told me the cake was coming, or they gifted me a cake, and i opened it and found out it was diapers, I’d be really pissed and someone better fix it with an actual cake.
January 5, 2012 at 8:38 am
Surrounded by additional cupCAKES since lying to you about cake in the first place earns multiple demerits.
January 4, 2012 at 1:29 pm
Just saying…this diaper cake sets a bad, dangerous example.
January 4, 2012 at 1:37 pm
It’s so creepalicious.
January 4, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Babies should never served in cake. Every good atheist knows that baby are best served slow smoked in a apple bar-q-que sauce.
January 4, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Apple baby-que sauce?
January 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm
Well where do you think they got the name “baby-back ribs?”
January 4, 2012 at 6:32 pm
So that’s how you get the skin so crispy?
Oh look, there’s Steve Jobs and Andy Rooney!
January 4, 2012 at 2:56 pm
“Sure to make Momma to be smile.” How much vodka has Momma to be drink?
January 4, 2012 at 4:19 pm
You know what mother-to-be would love? Baby clothes and linens that are folded in normal ways to they are ready to be put away, instead of a puzzle of rolls and stuffed pajamas that have to be taken apart and refolded.
January 4, 2012 at 4:36 pm
But new moms have alot of time to kill, and energy to burn off!
January 4, 2012 at 4:38 pm
I’ve heard those rolled up diapers are a bitch to deal with, too. They won’t stay flat, so it’s hard to store them til you need to use them.
January 4, 2012 at 7:50 pm
Oh, the hilarity that must ensue.
“Honey? Come in here, I can’t figure this out…you told me to change the baby’s diaper and I did–so why does Junior look like a frightened three-banded armadillo? And no cracks about it being a resemblance from my side of the family!”
“Awwwwwcrap it’ll take most of his naptime to unroll him now; those diapers have an awful lot of torque!”
January 8, 2012 at 2:00 pm
Plus I’m not exactly certain that I want strangers creatively manhandling my (theoretical) baby’s future diapers into interesting shapes.
January 4, 2012 at 10:45 pm
What good is a fucking dead baby that I CAN’T eat?
January 5, 2012 at 7:55 pm
I’m extremely pissed that I scrolled all the way down through comments and didn’t see a single image posted of the baby-upside-down-in-the-5-gallon-paint-bucket which HK suggested. What the fuck is wrong with you fat, jealous losers?! Dibs on the feet.
February 12, 2012 at 11:58 pm
Oh the fun that comeld be had with maxi pads, pink Depends, a corset, stockingngs & veil.Call it an IMmodest Proposal. A.d nothin’ says lovin, like q baby fresh from the oven.
February 12, 2012 at 11:59 pm
Mother fracking Auto Correct.