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Holy mother of yarn balls batman!
Holy monkey yarn balls batman!
Until this moment I never knew I’ve always wanted a pair of crocheted monkey balls. Thank you Regretsy.
They wont get sticky in summer time, that’s for sure.
Unless a Popsicle is involved. Not that I would know such things.
p.s. Orange is the stickiest. Just saying.
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Fuck the last one is so big I don’t want such a thing in my house
I was looking at the pics, my brain oohing and aahing over the crocheted awesomeness of those animals when all of a sudden it screamed, “HOLY FUCKSHIT…MONKEY BALLS!! SCORE!”
Is it weird that I want to touch them?
With a name like Fluffy Bunny Turds? Not really…
Etsy truly does have everything for all tastes.
Sorry, the monkey balls do not belong here. They were supposed to go upthread a ways.
I wish I could convince Uncle Asbury to get rid of the real deer heads for this version…
It would look so much better with the Christmas jingle bell Aunt Esther puts around the deer heads every year…
I’m going to miss my partner’s family now that she’s gone… *sigh*
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The site is back online. I’d love to have a grizzly or polar bear version of the bear. If not I’ll just settle for the deer or lioness head. They’re gorgeous!
I have to admit, I thought the fox was a kangaroo :<
Holy skills and patience, Batman!
No joke! I used to crochet until my shoulder went out; it’s giving me sympathy pains just looking at this stuff.
this is sort of fantastic
I would love to have my work shown as ‘No animals were harmed in the making of this…um..mount?’
Well, that word just made me blush. What am I, 5?
But yeah, Tenfold have this before a real dead animal head. I’d even go as far to say well crafted and cute idea.
No animals were harmed during this process. However, remember: PETA disapproves of Wool.
Of anything animal at all…including their poo…illegal to sell poo…(or it will be soon)
Wait, what? o.O
…. How bad is the crazy that, for a second, I believed that was one of their campaigns?
Well, there goes that lucrative cat shit market on Ebay.
Damn, I was going to fund my retirement selling my cats’ shit.
But then where will I get my poo paper?
They disapprove of everything but sexism, essentially.
Hold the front door, don’t shearing sheep actually benefit them?
I thought you were if PETA does not, in fact, benefit from sheep thatare capable of shearing, either themselves (self-shearers) or other sheep.
I put nothing, NOTHING, past a sheep.
Ewe are strangely wise.
You are truly a sweet lamb and may you never be trapped by a lonely shepherd, unless he buys you dinner first—and make sure he doesn’t use a coupon for dinner. You’re worth the full price!
are you from NZ? Have you seen Black Sheep?
What do they shear?
Don’t forget about racism.
I imagine if they can somehow work in (mostly) naked ladies simultaneously black-faced and wearing white hoods they will have considered their work for animals finally done.
I went on a date with a vegan fellow once who explained to me that considering animals and animal products food was wrong because it objectified them. When I brought up PETA’s incredibly sexist advertising he got all squirmy.
Because apparently animals deserve more dignity than women do . . . ?
Needless to say I finished my pepper steak in the back of a taxi.
Shearing sheep benefits them in summer as they’ve been bred to have far too much wool. However, some farms don’t take the proper time to shear the sheep carefully and they end up being injured. And most sheep aren’t bred for wool alone so you would be indirectly supporting the trade in their skins and meat in that case.
Some people think it’s wrong to use animals in any way as they’re incapable of giving consent. This is fair enough but I don’t feel that way.
And then you have PETA who combine all this with steaming heaps of misogyny and racism, rendering it completely unhelpful! yay!
There is actually an experimental dairy herd that has a fully automatic milking station.
When the cow feels the need to be milked they saunter over to the milking parlor where a machine cleans and sanitizes the udder, then attaches the milking apparatus. When the flow of milk ceases, the machine releases and the exit opens.
That’s sort of consent… They don’t get milked unless they go to the machine.
On a side note, I’m a member of the other peta.
There is room for all of god’s creatures…
Next to the mashed potatoes.
The bovine equivalent of potty training!
There is a special magic to the phrase “where a machine cleans and sanitizes the udder”. I have this mental image of topless women in classy hats passing through an Automat.
I heard of that a while back it’s neat
I remember seeing that. Free-range dairy.
“When the cow feels the need to be milked…”
That is pretty cool, but I’d prefer they didn’t take their calves away, and the calves could relieve them of their need to “be milked.”
But if the cows give their milk to the calves, what would I do for chocolate milk? And please don’t bring up soy milk, my testicles are small enough without plant estrogen, TYVM.
I would hate to get lost and wander into that room….on second thought, where is it
@OldPhatMC: Have you tried almond milk? Blue Diamond has unsweetened (yuck), sweetened (still a bit yuck), and vanilla (yum). I think the last would be nice with a good chocolate syrup.
Now I feel 8 years old and have such a craving for milk with Bosco…and there’s a supermarket near the office. BRB.
Robot milking stations are well past the experimental stage. A lot of the big dairy businesses have gone completely automatic.
The cows seem to like the freedom of being milked when they want it. Some go once or twice a day, others four or five times. They all give more milk than under a traditional routine, which is a good indicator of happiness.
The cows are kept indoors all the time, which is normal in the US anyway, but they’re free to wander around the building, socialise, eat, be milked, or lie down as they please. (They have special rubber mattresses to lie on.)
There are also automatic stations where the cows can go to be brushed and massaged. They love that. They’ll queue up politely to wait their turn — but they have very clear ideas about how long is long enough, and if one cow is hogging the machine the others will start to complain.
REAL MILK COMES FROM COWS, goddammitohellalreadypeople!!!
That other crap is bean and nut juice. Stop calling it “milk.”
I’ve seen sheep that positively flock (pun most CERTAINLY intended) to be sheared on 98 degree days.
If you’ve ever seen Ang Lee’s Sense and Sensibility, with the “period sheep,” you know that sheep pass out in the wussy heat of the UK, just from the sheer weight of their wool.
Peta kills homeless animals and hides them in dumpsters instead of sheltering them. I wouldn’t even trust them with a crochet animal!
Look up mulesing
It is necessary in Australia due to fly strike. The problem is that to cut costs farmers do this without anesthetic. It’s really horrible to see.
Interesting. Seems to me the easiest solution is a requirement for anesthetic, not only for mulesing but for tail docking as well (which is done at the same time).
Screw PETA, anyway.
(I am a sheep, and I approve the above statement.)
A Mooooooooving argument. ; )
I believe so. They are probably against it. But they definitely believe crotch waxing benefits women. http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2011/11/26/peta-attacks-pubic-hair/
Whoops maybe not. They are still super annoying sanctimonious sexists though.
PETA make me want to eat bacon, just to piss them off. And I am a Jewish vegetarian, eating bacon is just about the worst thing I can imagine.
I’m vegan, and PETA makes my skin crawl. They fuck it up for all of us plant-eaters.
The problem is that most wool comes from a type of sheep that is bred to have wrinkly skin. The skin that surrounds their bottom and genitals ends up collecting a lot of fecal matter, attracting flies. Then it becomes infected and full of maggots. To combat this farmers cut the skin off of the lambs bottoms without anesthetic so that it heals smoot and wrinkle free. Since sheep naturally shed their wool in the warmer months farmers sheer them before the weather is warm enough. In some cases they send the sheered sheep to the slaughter house. I don’t know how much of it is propaganda but I saw videos of the cutting of the butts and it was so painful to watch.
Save for a few breeds of “hair” sheep, most sheep do not shed their wool. If they are not sheared, their wool just continues to grow. Not shearing your sheep is as inhumane as not feeding them. Sheep who have issues with flystrike are not hair sheep, and generally mulesing is only done on merino sheep.
PETA can suck my big, fat, animal cock.
PETA, The People for Eating of Tasty Animals.
Also, I want one of every type of animal these people make. I need them for the “I don’t hunt, I do crappy crafts” room.
Like they’d suck on meat. Maybe if it was dark & you told them it was a cucumber…?
We care what PETA approves of now? Alpaca and nachos are too good to be wrong.
WTF? and what do they think the sheep are going to do with it? I rather think it’s animal cruelty not shearing sheep, it makes them more comfortable. Plus it also keeps rare breeds of sheep like the one of my namesake (Jacob sheep) in existence. Love making Jacob spun Jacob, yes I have a spinning wheel and several drop spindles to keep me busy.
Wasn’t there a sheep recently that had 5 years of wool on them? If I remember it was about 80 lbs of wool, almost the weight of the sheep, which was having problems moving. Sorry, but PETA can suck it. I love socks I’ve knitted for myself. They Fit!! And alpaca fiber is absolutely pettable..
Okay, now that the yarn fumes have gotten to my brain, These “taxidermy” Mounts are freaking AWESOME. Especially the ginormous Puma(? Mountain Lion?) ♥♥♥x 1000.
We have jacob sheep! You can have their wool! We have it coming out our ears!
I sooooo want the patterns…gives this hillbilly somethin to do when it’s cold out. “Babe, can you pick up another skein of tawny lion at Wallyworld? I’ve got an ear done!”
Oh man.. they’re fricking fabulous
Oh, she’s in that great show at the Victoria and Albert museum in London–The Power of Making–anyone in the area should go–it has everything form stone walls to 3D printers, Ghanian coffins and well, this!
There’s a great video of that show here.
You can see her crocheting.
This fence made into lace was in the same exhibition.
Which I CANNOT believe I just missed.
I want the one with monkey balls. Aw yiss
Holy Hannah I want each and every one of those, Batman! >.<
I never thought I would want to cuddle something that had been stuffed and mounted….
That’s what he said.
And this, people, is the proper use of “that’s what s/he said.” Unexpected and clever. Bravo!
I was just pondering what my next crochet project should be!
I’m so jealous…
I cam barely make a hat and scarf…
Same here. I think that my crochet hook just went limp with inadequacy.
You’ll have to make it with Lion yarn.
This is really awesome.
Oh man, that is way more patience than I have. I have yet to finish making a little amigurumi, much less a life-sized life-like animal bust. Or a ginormous goddamn cat. Holy fuckballs. Someone give her all the monies.
That’s some serious skill right there.
It’s incredible, but the thought of how long it would take me to even attempt to do the last one makes me want jump in front of a bus.
It makes me feel guilty about the filet crochet tablecloth that’s been languishing in my UFO collection. And that’s just three panels. I am a crochet wimp.
This stuff is seriously awesome. I love seeing artists take needlecrafts and take it to 11. Or, in this case, 111.
Wow. That is some seriously amazing work.
i think i need one.
That rocks my socks.
That’s amazing. Beautiful. I wish I had that level of talent in my needleworking…
Hakuna Matata, that’s some serious yarn!
I thought this post was called “CROTCHdermy.” I am most pleasantly surprised.
me too, that was the first thing I saw, damn these old eyes
I initially misread it that way, too. Not that it couldn’t be the name for a great Regretsy post.
Oh thank FSm, I’m not the only one.
I think we all did.
I also read crotch-dermy. I would totally hang a mounted cock and balls over my toilette.
I had the same thought, but I’m actually a little disappointed.
I mean, the crochetdermy IS awesome.
But it can’t fill the void I now feel.
umm…. They make accessories for that…
Damn, I just posted the same comment.
I knew I couldn’t be alone.
It’s because we are all sick fucks with our minds firmly planted in the gutter. On another note these are fucking rad!!!!
Ditto here. I was expecting a very different “pussy” cat.
I guess it’s a chicken-and-egg question, then. Are we all attracted to Regretsy because of our dirty, dirty minds, or has Regretsy conditioned us to see genitalia everywhere?
Same question is asked by the regulars over at Ugliest Tattoos… And the consensus is that it is a mix of both.
I really, really wish I weren’t unemployed.
That is six different shades of awesome, and I bow in worship of her skill!
I could use an extra set of Balls. But make them out of Acrylic or Cotton, please. Wool makes me itch, and I scratch the Balls I have too much as it is.
Acrylics aren’t all that comfortable either.
I’d go with cotton, maybe accented with a nice eyelash yarn for that manly look…
But you need a little bit of another fiber blended with the cotton. Otherwise, cotton just stretches out and sags something awful.
The More You Know…
so do one’s balls as they age…
Cotton poly blend?
I get a little upset when you put awesome stuff on here. Turns me into a FJL for not being able to afford or create these masterpieces.
Must… Have… Patterns…
I see what you did there
Holy shit that’s amazing!
Kind of puts most of Etsy to shame, doesn’t it? For sure the ones who get listed here.
WOW!!! Unbelievable!! Too bad these aren’t on ETSY, this would sell them alone!!
This is the only way I would want a deer head in my house. I would love to have a few of these.
The orange saber-toothed one looks like an animated character voiced by Will Ferrell.
I couldn’t help but notice the mountain lions neck looks like a big floppy vagina, but that’s probably because I misread the title as CROTCHdermy.
Holy Shit I NEED one if those, love the boar & mountain lion heads!!
I love how the amazing posts remind us of how everything else we see on Regretsy really is terrible.
On the other hand, I hate how amazing posts like this make me feel like a miserable failure for not having done more with my time.
It’s people like that who make you realize how little you’ve accomplished.
For example, it is a sobering thought to realize that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for three years.
It’s people like that who make you realize how little you’ve accomplished.
For example, it is a sobering thought to realize that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for three years.
Amazing hook fu. This is the highest level of amigurumi evolution!
Well, I know what my husband’s getting for his birthday. This is just to frickin’ awesome!!
Please post photos!
Of my husband? Sorry, I’m keeping that man candy all to myself. I don’t want any of you fat, jealous losers touching yourselves to his photo.
I would like a whole carousel of them. For the playroom in my mansion.
Am I the only one who read the title as CROTCHdermy? I actually stared at the lioness for a while, looking for a hidden vagina, but there was no vagina in sight. Slightly disappointed.
Haha I did the same thing! Clearly we’re either both illiterate or completely ruined by this website.
But seriously, the last one…wow, I wonder how long that took. I don’t even have enough patience to finish a scarf let alone something as big as a whale.
It’s neck kind of looks like a vagina, if it makes you feel any better.
The monkey has balls if it helps.
Ahh, you people are so wonderful.
Upon closer inspection – yes, certain shapes can definately be identified as crotchdermy – adding to that list the bottom part of the deer, which could kind of look like a giant mutant camel toe. Oh Regretsy, what have you done to me.
I only wish the first one had saber teeth. THAT is the only “fault” I can find with these. Her work is incredible.
I crochet and have tried my hand at designing, but I couldn’t come anywhere near this. I’m amazed at her proportions and placement of stitches. Beautiful art!
I used to think I was pretty good at crochet. I even had the idea that I could sell a few afghans. Viewing Regretsy today has made me feel very, very inadequate.
And that’s not why I come here, dammit!
I misread the title of this post as “crotchtedermy” and ended up paging down looking for the crotch that never came.
“…looking for the crotch that never came.”
This sounds both sad and a little frightening.
Or the title of a unpopular children’s book…
The Crotch That Never Came
So. Awesome. I would totally own these.
Absolutely stunning! She has more talent in her pinky finger than I do in my whole body. My mom tried to teach me how to crochet as a kid and I never caught on.
On a side note I found my vodka! It was hiding in the orange juice, back to being a FJL.
Sneaky vodka…always making its way into things
I wonder if she could make the animal out of the yarn made from the animal?
A sheep from wool; an alpaca from alpaca fur; a naugabeast from naugahyde?
When I was a teenager, I once started spinning a tale of the poor little naugas, South American animals hunted for their skins, to make naugahyde. I wanted to see if anyone would believe me. I actually got some of the other kids to buy it.
I’m old enough to remember the original Naugahyde advertising, featuring the Nauga.
Ha! The creatures are still featured on the company website. They seem to have got smaller over the decades.
I love the last photo. That sweet little dog is cool and in his heart, he can beat the crap out of every one of those animals.
My sister NEEDS that panther in her house. I can’t fathom how out of my price range it is though.
Animals made of yarn? Sure, why not. But apparently she draws the line at dentistry- the fangs have got to be authentic. Yowsa.
Not necessarily; she may get them from the same place she gets her body forms. Good artificial jawsets look very realistic. http://www.vandykestaxidermy.com/M1197F-P7338.aspx
…if she doesn’t sculpt them herself, I mean.
I was already horribly impressed, and then I got to the last one. That is some serious awesome. I don’t think I even want to know how long that giant cat took! But I DO like the fact that it’s on wheels. There’s something wildly entertaining about that.
I want to RIDE it!
I agree!! that’s awesome!
Oh damn… This sort of stuff is what I’d do if I didn’t have the RealJob(TM).
These are incredible!! No animals were killed in the making of these game trophies.
OMG!!! I can’t fathom the time to do those!
And I crochet and knit for a living!!!
HOLY FUCKCAKES THAT’S AMAZEBALLS.
I have so much respect for this artist. I’m just in awe here. Amazing.
This is totally blowing my mind.
This is a thing that I need in my life.
Oh my god this is amazing. And adorable!
I think it’s beautiful work.
It reminds me of the beaded and sequined deer head I saw at the super-awesome America Visionary Art Museum.
In the early ’70s, there were these KraftyKits that involved balls of styrofoam, pins, and beads. The results are still treasured on my family’s fucked up Christmas tree.
I remember those ornaments and was always jealous of the people who had them. You can still buy such kits (see http://www.marymaxim.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/category4_10001_10054_15018_-1_15009_15009 for a few), but nothing beats the sweet lovable tackniness of the ones from the 60s and 70s.
Nope; Chuck Testa!
When I used to ride the bus to work, there was a lady that would crochet.
Nice stuff too.
THIS would have blown my my mind!
I want a shark!
Or an oyster.
Wow! I saw the Bear at the Victoria and Albert museum how wonderful and inspiring. There was a giant Gorilla made of wires bent to resemble coat hangers. The small curve part sticks out to form each ” hair ” . I wish I knew how to post that image too. That show should be force fed to all those craft versus fine art a – holes We have all had to listen to.( stomping art degree under heel STOMP)
Am I the only person who wishes the crazed animal hoarder in Ohio had found Ms. Richardson’s crochetdermy site and purchased these animals instead? All those lovely Bengal tigers, mountain lions, grizzly bears, etc. would still be alive… and Mr. Thompson too perhaps (with many lovely crocheted mounts to love)…. and Ms. Richardson would have made loads of sales. It would have been a win-win-win.
I legitimately want that deer head. Right now.
When I first read this title I thought it said crotch-idermy, like, taxidermy-ed genitalia or something. o.o I’m kind of glad it wasn’t, but then kind of disappointed too.
That is so cool!
If you watch the video, she just free-styles single crochets over a constructed mount already in the shape of the critter. This is genius. Fuck patterns.
I love this XD
FREAKING AWESOME!!! (fellow fiber artist here! very impressed!)
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