Hasbrosary
This post first appeared on Regretsy on December 30, 2009
Hail Barbie,
Full of Win,
The Lord is awesome!
Blessed art thou among 11″ fashion dolls,
and blessed is thy Porsche
which is sold separately.
Malibu Barbie,
Sister of Skipper,
play with us now,
and at the hour of 3:00,
when we get home from school.
ZOMG.
December 25, 2011 at 11:02 am
Chew marks add to the uniqueness. Totes.
December 25, 2011 at 11:03 am
I’d actually want to buy that if it wasn’t a hundred bucks and “may or may not contain chew marks.”
December 25, 2011 at 11:33 am
Yeah, for a hundred bucks, there’d better be no chew marks and it should be new, in box.
December 25, 2011 at 11:04 am
cut their hair and dye it blue.
December 25, 2011 at 11:04 am
This is the raddest of the rad!
December 25, 2011 at 11:04 am
I’ve got PLENTY of unique chewed “findings” for her right here at my house.
December 25, 2011 at 11:04 am
Barbie must be in the 1% …
December 25, 2011 at 11:04 am
The chew marks are from Barbie praying extra hard. Probably for genitalia.
December 25, 2011 at 11:05 am
I initially read it as “Chew marks just add to the unpleasantness of the item” and was surprised the creator acknowledged it. I suppose sometimes “unique” is just another euphemism for “wtf.”
December 25, 2011 at 11:06 am
So THAT’s what happened to Ken’s testicles.
December 25, 2011 at 11:09 am
Not enough information here for me to make an informed purchase. *very* disappointed!
1. Does the “artist” chew them herself, or does she outsource it to starving Third World sweatshop children?
2. If they are domestically chewed by animals, are the animals kept according to the most PETA-friendly regulations?
3. If you pray with a Barbie rosary, what do you get? A guy to live with you whose expression never changes, who has no genitals? Tits so big and a waist so small and feet cantilevered at such an extreme angle to your ankles that you’d be bent forward in a permanent jackknife position?
HOW CAN I MAKE A DECISION AS AN INFORMED CONSUMER?
December 26, 2011 at 11:15 am
1. Don’t be silly. Of COURSE she does it herself. Buy mouthmade!
2. You’re thinking of the ASPCA. PETA thinks domestication is wrong and that domestic pets should not exist, and therefore they euthanize every domestic animal they can.
3. No more than you get crucified and pregnant without sex by praying with a regular rosary. You will continue to be a fat jealous loser with feet capable of being stood on and no kendroid occupying your every nightmare. You’re welcome.
December 25, 2011 at 11:16 am
Ah, I see why it’s so expensive, it MIGHT be made out of solid gold!
December 25, 2011 at 11:29 am
You just have to pray hard enough to get a gold one… otherwise yours is just chewed up…
December 26, 2011 at 11:16 am
I was wondering if the teeth marks were included in the gold version, myself. It wouldn’t be the same without them.
December 25, 2011 at 11:23 am
29 inch Vanity Beads?! 29 INCH? Does it come with a back brace so you can wear it?
December 26, 2011 at 2:21 pm
I, too, thought that sentence could use a little more punctuation (Hell,the whole thing could use a good edit, but what’s new?). For the right price, I could make her some little commas out of solid gold…
December 25, 2011 at 11:23 am
In case you guys just HAD to have this item, but were disappointed that it’s been pulled down… here’s one with black swarovski Tahetian pearls for HALF PRICE!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/29358671/half-off-sample-sale-ooak-barbie-esque?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=etbyet&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade
December 25, 2011 at 11:25 am
It’s Christmas and I’m drunk. I also apparently can’t spell. This is why I’m going to teach social studies instead of English!
December 25, 2011 at 11:29 am
Awwwww, but the Barbie corvette isn’t included?!? Man, she had me up until that point.
December 25, 2011 at 5:32 pm
She’s got a bad case of Swarovski Tourette’s, a tragically common malady on Etsy. Get your gnawed-on, vaguely blasphemous Barbie accessories, now surrounded by glass, glass and more glass! You know my product is quality because I bought the fancy glass!
What’s that term for when companies that produce luxury items whore out a bit too much and lose their brand cachet? Someone should send the good people at Swarovski this and maybe that $800 blinged-out solar powered calculator because I’m not so sure they realize what people are doing to their name.
December 25, 2011 at 6:36 pm
Multiple thumbs up for “Swarovski Tourettes.”
December 25, 2011 at 11:26 am
It’s about time somebody figured out a way to combine consumer culture with religion! Especially involving toys!! What could go wrong?
December 25, 2011 at 11:28 am
I’m confused. I’m not Catholic, but I was under the impression you aren’t supposed to gnaw on the rosary.
December 25, 2011 at 11:50 am
Don’t put any holy stuff in any hole and you’ll be OK.
December 25, 2011 at 11:41 am
Item may be made out of solid gold for a premium price? Wouldn’t that detract from the “unique” chew marks? These Barbie parts were probably chewed on by the dog and peed on by the cat before they were upchucked into this rosary. Totes expected to see a hairball on barn wood in the background. Can’t buy this because of that!
December 25, 2011 at 11:45 am
Go big or go home. Solid gold for me!
December 25, 2011 at 11:52 am
I’m not so upset by the chew-marks that may or may not be contained in this item, its just the fact that this person has made over 300 sales in their Etsy store selling “Nicki Minaj bodysuits” and Mattel Toy parts inappropriately mashed together with religious articles, and I can’t make ONE sale making things of actual value.
I guess I better start chewing on my inventory if I ever want to sell anything… oh yeah, and glitter… I’ll need lots of glitter…
December 25, 2011 at 12:58 pm
glitter makes everything better! and it’s also the gift that keeps on giving, frequently by being a mote of sparkle on your cheek for no apparent reason.
December 25, 2011 at 11:10 pm
I wonder sometimes if folks use a second account to “buy” their own stock over and over to have a higher sales count so they look more legit or stable.
December 26, 2011 at 11:20 am
You can link your store to your screen name. Every regretsy comment page gets like a hundred thousand views in the first few hours. You’ve just missed out on a chance to have me and thousands of other FJLs click your name to see what things of value you’re selling.
December 25, 2011 at 12:00 pm
Sort of reminds me of the pope’s christmas message today:
“Today Christmas has become a commercial celebration, whose bright lights hide the mystery of God’s humility, which in turn calls us to humility and simplicity”….he said from his palace in the richest city in the world in his ornate robes from his golden gilded throne.
Ugh…
December 25, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Translation: “Stop giving your money to shops in an attempt to make your loved ones happy and show how much they mean to you, and bring it to church for collection at mass. Papa needs a new hat!”
December 26, 2011 at 6:30 am
Amen!
December 26, 2011 at 6:53 am
The pope also had some pretty harsh things to say about glitter too(specifically christmas glitter).Does this mean we’re all doomed? Most of his gold was looted from the incas .Must at least count as recieving stolen goods?
December 25, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Barbie is in the details (nodding)
December 25, 2011 at 4:15 pm
Barbie is in the accessories.
December 25, 2011 at 4:41 pm
what in the ever loving fuck??
December 26, 2011 at 11:25 am
Isn’t that the best kind of fuck?
December 25, 2011 at 6:40 pm
A MUST for all those who pray to Holy Mother of Mart.
December 25, 2011 at 9:24 pm
Can I get it made out of solid gold AND with chew marks?
But yeah, I call bullshit on this. You make this out of genuine Barbie items, down to the toddler slobber, and somehow can pull a solid gold version out of your ass. What you mean to say is, “I’ll do my best to find someone else who will replicate something this silly out of gold if you pay me enough to be the middleman.”
I mean, for the right price, you can get pretty much anything cast in gold as long as it fits within a cubic dekameter. You could just add that to everything you sell that includes a solid, shippable component.
Or…maybe she meant “SOLID GOLD”:
(If someone doesn’t get this reference, I’m going to feel very old for Christmas.)
December 26, 2011 at 12:51 am
All her “custom made” outfits carry this disclaimer:
Disclaimer: This catsuit is for bad b*tches only! If you are shaped like SpongeBob Square Pants with Krabby Patty butt cheeks this is not an item for you!
I myself am shaped more like Patrick Star, and take offense at her dismissal of all people who are not worthy of her “clothes”…….what if I wanted to look like a fat jealous loser Spongebob, Crabby Patty cheeked weirdo in a gold catsuit???? Isn’t that my right???
December 26, 2011 at 12:53 am
And neither are they “chewed” to give them more “interest” or however else she described the sad state of the CHEWED bits and peices. Eww.
December 26, 2011 at 11:28 am
Gotta say that for ren faires and comic cons. They do not feel the need to pretend their merchandise is for skinnies only. You can buy a helluva lot of plus-sized leather and vinyl goods in the right place(obviously not this lady’s shop).
Of course, it costs more, but hey, materials ain’t cheap, and I know how much fabric is required to cover this giant plush ass of mine.
December 26, 2011 at 6:13 pm
I thought it was actually kinda cute for a Barbie fan…til I saw the price. And the description involving chew marks. Sigh.