Helpful Shopping Tips from Yahoo
We’ve all seen commercials for Jane Seymour’s Open Heart Totally Looks Like a Scrotum™ pendant, so seeing it on The World’s Most One-of-a-Kind Independent Designer Handmade Crafthole is hilarious. But the thing that really gets me about this is that it isn’t even Jane Seymour’s design.
If you look at the jump ring, you’ll see it’s in a different place than hers. It’s not even made of the same material. Which means that this POS is actually a copy of Jane Seymour’s Mass-Produced scrotums Are For Lovers™ pendant. Only on Etsy can a Chinese reseller list a factory made knockoff of mass produced jewelry and still be referred to as an “independent designer.”
Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m one woman who doesn’t want a heart shaped necklace from a chain jewelry store knocked off by a Chinese reseller.
No, if I want a copy of a mass produced factory necklace, it’s going to be knocked off by a hand crafter on Etsy!
ETSY: MAKING A DIFFERENCE, ONE SCROTUM AT A TIME™
December 22, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Ahh, the last from is from Finleyville, PA. I’m from around there and I just have one thing to say to you all:
I’m sorry.
December 22, 2011 at 3:16 pm
….I am also sorry for my inability to type what I mean. Just take another drink and it will make sense, I promise.
December 22, 2011 at 3:22 pm
Oooh, me too, neighbor!
December 22, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Shit, I just had to look that up on Google Maps.
They won’t be inflicting their bent-up paper clips on me anytime soon, thank God. I’m on the other side of the state.
December 22, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Nice – I wasn’t the only one to quick look it up!
Blame Ohio.
December 22, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Perfect for the gay man in your life.
December 22, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Those Chinese resellers sure have got balls selling this stuff.
Didn’t Dr Quinn medicine woman specialize in the prostate…?!
December 22, 2011 at 4:46 pm
SHE SPECIALIZED IN MINE!
December 22, 2011 at 5:11 pm
and Chad Allen’s!!!
December 22, 2011 at 4:59 pm
I still think this should have been the “official” symbol of prostate cancer awareness.
December 22, 2011 at 7:11 pm
That would be awesome… if your prostate was in your nuts.
December 22, 2011 at 7:50 pm
your avatar is oh-so-appropriate
December 22, 2011 at 10:46 pm
OK so she specialized in urology…
December 22, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Ugh! I hate those things. I was thinking they looked like a snake or a flamingo with no legs, but now I can happily hate them for looking like a scrotum. Thanks Regretsy!
December 22, 2011 at 3:21 pm
All I know is if my husband is going to give me a piece of heart-shaped jewelry it had better be shaped like a real heart and not this maybe a scrotum or ass fuckery.
December 22, 2011 at 3:25 pm
With ventricles and all!
December 22, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Yes, and a little bit of aorta and vena cava to top that fucker off!
December 22, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Like this: http://www.etsy.com/listing/85874256/the-anatomical-heart-of-glass
I have that one, actually, and get compliments on it all the time!
December 22, 2011 at 4:26 pm
If we’re doing glass anatomical hearts, THIS is the one that I’ve been drooling over forever:
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/67513915
(And if Etsy would still include sellers who are on vacation n their search listings, I wouldn’t have just spent ten minutes hopelessly trying to find it. >_>)
December 22, 2011 at 7:57 pm
THIS LOCKET HAS VENTRICLES OMG
+ that right atrium looks a bit dilated
JUST LIKE MINE
Sorry, I am a nerd. This is all very exciting for me.
December 22, 2011 at 3:38 pm
And here I always thought they looked like ass cheeks. Either way, still ugly.
December 22, 2011 at 4:32 pm
Like an end-on view of two people fucking. Seems appropriate.
December 22, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Right!? I see a pair of boobs and an ass!
December 22, 2011 at 10:12 pm
I’m glad I’m not the only one! I’m like scrotum? Nah, it’s T&A.
December 23, 2011 at 7:46 am
Me too! Big boobs and a curvy bottom.
December 22, 2011 at 4:25 pm
A flamingo with no legs! You’re absolutely right! I like flamingos. If an etsy seller stuck some legs on one of those things, I might just buy it.
December 22, 2011 at 3:17 pm
Is “knocked off” similar to “rubbed one out”?
December 22, 2011 at 3:17 pm
The drawing of a heart doesn’t look like an actual heart. It actually is drawn to look like a woman’s ass.
That pendant has never looked like an open heart to me. It looks more like two asses about to share a double sided marital aid. Nothing says “I love you!” like buttsecks!
December 22, 2011 at 3:22 pm
Ah, just saw your comment as I was posting mine. Yup. Totally looks like a butt.
December 22, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Yes but your comment was =better=!
December 22, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Yeah, that’s always been the ‘double butt’ necklace to me. Ugh. Though I suppose the top curves could be boobs, in a Picasso-esque kind of way.
December 22, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Tell her she’s special in that special way – nothing says love like Jane Seymour’s T&A pendant!
December 22, 2011 at 3:35 pm
I’m so glad I’m not the only one that sees that. Go on fellas, give yer lady a necklace you can ogle.
December 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm
You’re right. We should call this design “Seymour Butts.”
December 23, 2011 at 10:16 am
FTW^
December 22, 2011 at 5:06 pm
December 22, 2011 at 7:33 pm
I thought it looked like tits and ass. Which of course every woman wants. Cleavage in their cleavage, and an ass sitting on their rack.
December 23, 2011 at 10:31 pm
YO DAWG I HEARD YOU LIKE CLEAVAGE SO I PUT CLEAVAGE IN YOUR CLEAVAGE SO PEOPLE CAN LOOK AT CLEAVAGE WHILE THEY LOOK AT YOUR CLEAVAGE.
(Sorry, I just recently discovered the Xzibit meme and the novelty hasn’t worn off yet).
December 22, 2011 at 3:18 pm
one of my friends boyfriend/fiance (depending on the day) bought her this gem last year, never really noticed the whole scrotumness of it, now that’s all I’m gonna see. I wonder how long till I break down and tell her what her cherished gift reminds me of, god I’m a shitty friend.
December 22, 2011 at 3:25 pm
If it is any consolation, that “journey” pendant that used to be all the rage and was particularly advertised as a gift for mothers…always looked like a trail of jizz to me. I used to crack up every time I saw the commercial with the husband laying it on his wife’s chest as she slept.
Yes, I’m immature.
December 22, 2011 at 4:13 pm
Not gonna lie, my parents got me the small journey set when I graduated with my masters (it was like their consolation gift for not having a son-in-law and grandkids yet). I have always referred to it as my “spinal column necklace” and my mom STILL gets the biggest kick out of that.
December 22, 2011 at 3:19 pm
The way to a man’s heart is through a firm grip on his balls.
December 22, 2011 at 3:24 pm
I always thought it was straight through the ribs, just to the side of the sternum. Or did that Indiana Jones movie lie to me all those years ago???
December 22, 2011 at 4:14 pm
The Ginger sent me this for my Valentine’s day card last year.
December 22, 2011 at 6:06 pm
Bali Mathi Kali Ma, Shakthi Digi Kali Ma…Kali Ma…Kali Ma!
December 22, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Wish I could add another thumbs up for your name.
December 22, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Okay so it’s not the cutest necklace ever but is it really fair to compare it to a scrotum? . . .
While neglecting to also mention that it looks quite a bit like an ass as well?
December 22, 2011 at 6:43 pm
That’s all I ever saw. Butts all the way. Scrotoms lack that kind of definition only a butt crack can provide.
December 22, 2011 at 3:23 pm
My husband saw the last one and suggested little fillegre on it, so they look like maggots. Like the line “I have maggots in my scrotum!” from “The Book of Mormon.”
Introducing the “I have maggots in my scrotum!” pendant, for that special someone.
December 22, 2011 at 3:23 pm
The independent jewelers balls to the wall attitude in high quality dangley bits of jewelery is impressive. Not just any bag or sack will do to wrap such a lovely gift that comes from the heart. I hope they used a good quality clasp so that it won’t be easy to jerk off if accidentally caught between your lady fairs breasts or in her hair.
December 22, 2011 at 3:27 pm
Jane Seymour still owes me for modeling for her pendant.
December 22, 2011 at 3:27 pm
It’s posts like this that make me REALLY happy that the kenderdad is too clueless to get me anything that hideous and generic (he goes for books and small appliances), and the kenders aren’t EVER set loose with enough pocket money to get something like that.
December 22, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Trust Etsy for all your shitty, unimaginative, rip-off, re-sold jewelry needs.
Especially when it looks like a testi-arse. That’s a testicle arse.
December 22, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Oh, fucking hell.
I went round my parents today to drop off their presents, and the cat was there. My dad said he was glad they’d got the cat done as, and this was his exact words ‘his balls are getting fucking huge’.
At which point, the cat jumped in my lap and waved his balls in my face, with his tail curled over. IT LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE A FURRY VERSION OF THAT NECKLACE.
That necklace looks like the cats arse.
December 22, 2011 at 3:28 pm
OH THANK GOD… I’m not the only one who thinks Jane Seymour and her Open Scrotum/Ass pendants are full of shit.
“Keep your heart open.” No, please, keep those cheeks closed.
December 23, 2011 at 8:11 am
Also, the phrase “open heart” just makes me picture surgery. I’ve always commented when the commercial came on, that the name sounds like a cardiac procedure and the design looks ass-like.
I’m so glad to know that others hate that damn pendant too!
December 22, 2011 at 3:28 pm
I’m going out to the shop to hammer out a few nails. I’ll sell them as Christ Heart Scrotum Pendants!
THIS IDEA IS MINE! IF YOU STEAL IT, I WILL CUT YOU!
Oh yes, I will CUT YOU!
December 22, 2011 at 3:29 pm
I’ve always disliked those necklaces but never quite knew why. Now that you’ve explained the scrotumicity of the item, I actually like it a tad better. Not enough to buy it mind you, but maybe enough to stop yelling at the commercial.
December 22, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Looks like tits & ass to me. Maybe I should get one as a key fob for my hubby.
December 22, 2011 at 3:36 pm
I have said this from the first time I’ve seen this thing!
December 22, 2011 at 7:24 pm
Did they buy it at Park & 73rd?
December 22, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Hmmm, I never noticed the scrotum resemblance until now. But that design has been (sorry!) the butt of many jokes over at televisionwithoutpity.com. Jokes in which the phrase “Seymour Butts” figures prominently.
December 22, 2011 at 3:30 pm
The same article mocks food gift baskets? Unless you know someone has a dietary issue, food is perfect – it’s a treat, it gets used up quickly, and if the person doesn’t like anything in the basket, just take it to work and leave it out for the people desperate for a late-afternoon snack. Better gift than a butt-ball necklace any day.
December 22, 2011 at 3:38 pm
Agreed – plus a food gift basket is ideal for a person with hoarding tendencies (especially perishable foods).
December 22, 2011 at 3:40 pm
Fuck the basket; just pile some food in front of me and I’m good to go.
December 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm
If you fuck the basket, it’s the gift that keeps on giving!
December 22, 2011 at 4:22 pm
Mmm. . .splintery.
December 22, 2011 at 9:50 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 22, 2011 at 4:18 pm
Premade gift baskets, sure, I pass on those. But a basket made with the recipient in mind can be wonderful. My sister loves Brie and Pate, but is on a limited budget. A couple of those, with a nice bottle of wine and some homemade bread, and she’s very happy. Asks me to keep doing that every year.
My diabetic brother gets one with lots of sugarfree treats he wouldn’t look normally buy. Did you know they make sugar-free Jelly Bellies?
But yes, avoid the gift baskets sold at Costco.
December 22, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Hey, no making fun of Costco! They paid for my education!
But it’s perfectly fine to ignore the gift baskets at Sam’s Club or BJ’s (the warehouse club, not the sex act).
December 23, 2011 at 12:02 am
Thanks for clarifying. Otherwise I’d be forced to wonder how one can put BJs in a gift basket. Actually, I’m wondering that anyway.
8hoists glass* Cheers!
December 24, 2011 at 3:32 pm
Due to my family’s strict “No More Trinkets” Christmas pact, food and technology are the main gifts still allowed.* I work retail, and I can assure anyone still doubting that people buy too much useless crap. At a certain point, I just decided to start buying my friends six-packs of their favorite beer as some of the only presents I give out.
*My sister illegally got me this handmade dragon from DragonsAndBeasties, but no more trinkets after that!
December 22, 2011 at 3:35 pm
it will always be the tits and ass necklace
December 22, 2011 at 3:35 pm
The hand-crafted knockoff is about 60% more scrotum-y, so definitely that’s the one for me and my family!
December 22, 2011 at 3:39 pm
It’s nice to see that scrota are being recognized for their artistic merit.
And regrettably this design is being used for tats as well.
December 22, 2011 at 3:41 pm
Nothing says ‘I regret this moment’ like a tattoo based on that necklace!
December 22, 2011 at 3:55 pm
I’ve always called it the “tits & ass” pendant.
December 22, 2011 at 3:59 pm
I worked in a jewelry store for a while and let me tell you, the problem is not with bumbling idiot men going out and thinking these things are a good idea because of commercials…it’s with high maintenance housewives who see said commercials and send their husbands out with vague guidelines on which piece they want and a short guilt trip about how they DESERVE it…
December 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Well, that’s the husbands’ story, anyway…
December 22, 2011 at 4:08 pm
dammit! you exposed the teabagger party secret necklace! Now you must dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
December 22, 2011 at 4:10 pm
I’m holding out for the tiityfuck pendant.
December 22, 2011 at 9:26 pm
Haha. You win again Autocorrect.
December 22, 2011 at 4:10 pm
Well, anyone taking shopping advice from Yahoo is probably an idiot anyway.
December 22, 2011 at 4:12 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 22, 2011 at 4:46 pm
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December 22, 2011 at 6:17 pm
I liked it. But there’s still a lot of scroto-phobia on the internet.
December 22, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Damn that sack-rophobia.
December 22, 2011 at 4:21 pm
And if my husband got me the Kitchenaid mixer from that list, he might actually get laid a lot more often!
December 22, 2011 at 6:10 pm
You know, I covet that mixer but I keep thinking it’s too expensive. Not only have I spent at least that much on lesser mixers at this point, but I got a tablet computer this year that was easily the same price.
December 22, 2011 at 7:02 pm
While that article does have great feminist intentions with the recommendation to refrain from giving your ladyfriend an appliance so you don’t seem to be telling her she’s only good for cooking and cleaning, I do agree that the stand mixer (and a food processor too, actually) would be really welcome gifts. They might actually get the boyfriend laid more often than his usual gifts of sex toys!
December 24, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Appliances for someone who loves cooking are a good idea. My sister got a super awesome Kitchenaid mixer. Appliances for someone who only cooks because no one else in the family will bother (aka, a decent percentage of women) = absolute disaster.
December 22, 2011 at 4:24 pm
That’s -pretty- scrotal, I guess. But THIS is the most nutsack-like necklace I’ve ever seen: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005OEB0YM?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER
Ran across it on Amazon, linked it in the Regretsy chat room. Funnily enough, some interesting reviews popped up right after that…
December 22, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Wow. It’s a perfect little nutsack.
December 23, 2011 at 10:55 pm
The one is called “open heart” and this is called “bypass.” I’m certain I don’t want either of these anywhere near my chest even if I did find them aesthetically pleasing.
December 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm
The person who makes the sterling silver scrotum pendant also makes cricket sculptures from spoons.
I like the crickets. They look simultaneously dangerously spiky and whimsically cute.
December 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm
To e it will always look like tits and ass.
December 22, 2011 at 4:34 pm
I’ve always called Jane Seymour’s thing the ‘Tits and Ass’ Pendant myself. This way your husband can show what’s really important to him.
December 22, 2011 at 4:49 pm
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am getting a “Scrotums are for Lovers” tattoo!
December 22, 2011 at 5:34 pm
And if you don’t want any jewelry from TV commercials, make sure not to make comments about the commercial every time it comes on, because then your boyfriend thinks you’re dropping him a hint and you not only get some diamond pendant that you didn’t really want, but you also get a really unimpressive one because he can’t afford the ones from TV.
That said, am I really the only one who kind of liked the open heart design, at least until you fat jealous losers ruined it for me by saying it looks like a nutsack?
December 22, 2011 at 5:36 pm
I’m surprised this is still around. I remember thinking it was ugly years ago when I saw it on the TV…
It really does look like some dude’s yambag had a baby with a swan…
December 22, 2011 at 6:45 pm
I’ve always thought these were so ugly, too. Never knew why, until now. I can’t believe somebody basically had to spell it out for me… they’re infinite tandem BALL-SACKS! Thanks, Regretsy for bringing the sub-concious to the surface.
December 22, 2011 at 7:05 pm
I love that the words “heart-shaped pendant” in that Yahoo article link to a search for heart-shaped pendants on the shopping section of Yahoo. You know, in case someone read that part of the article and then immediately thought, “Fuck that noise! My girl would love getting the exact thing I was just advised not to get for her!”
December 22, 2011 at 7:30 pm
This laughing heart is the one I love: http://www.votumjewellery.ca/
December 22, 2011 at 9:17 pm
They’re Truck Nuts for those of us with class.
December 23, 2011 at 4:27 am
SHIT! I KNEW I didn’t like those open heart designs and now I totally know why! Fucking Scrotums.
December 23, 2011 at 10:40 am
THANK YOU, APRIL. I’m so relieved to know that I’m not the only one who thinks it looks like a ballsack.
December 23, 2011 at 12:24 pm
We call that the Heartworm Awareness Pendant around here.
Don’t buy one, buy heartworm preventative meds for your dog instead.
December 23, 2011 at 11:02 pm
Katherine Heigl hates this pendant too, because she really hates balls.
December 24, 2011 at 2:06 am
Pfft, that Etsy knock-off isn’t remotely like the original. How am I supposed to profess my implicit support for man-boy-love if both scrotums are the same size?!
(This one actually hits close to home. Being a woman, it’s much harder to find jewelry to express this sort of thing… Especially since I am unwilling to get my scrotum pierced.)
December 24, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Every time this commercial comes on, my dad yells “THOSE ARE TWO BUTTS. Why did you design a two-butts necklace?”
December 28, 2011 at 3:28 pm
I don’t know why you’re all calling this ugly. It’s a beautiful semi-abstract evocation of the female nude, surprised while bathing. Turning to face the newcomer, her body twists sinuously and her breasts fly up in joy, an exuberant greeting… to whom? Her lover? This simple piece is rich with suggestion and heady sexual implications.
But true art will always have its detractors.