Follicle-La-La
You know, I haven’t been able to find the Neiman Marcus version of this thing, but really, who needs it? If I want busted vintage jewelry hot-glued on a styrofoam cylinder this Christmas, I’m buying handmade! And you know why?
Because only an Etsy crafter puts a piece of themselves in everything they make.
It’s like The Gift of the Magi, isn’t it? He sells his watch to buy her a comb, and she glues her hair into a shitty junk tower to pay her listing fees.
GOD BLESS US, EVERY ONE
December 14, 2011 at 4:33 pm
I’m guessing cat hair…possibly Persian. I’d have to taste it to be sure.
December 14, 2011 at 4:36 pm
I have two cats and I don’t think that’s any less gross than if it was the seller’s hair. She can keep her theoretical cats to herself, thanks. :X
December 14, 2011 at 4:36 pm
I admire your level of dedication to certainty.
December 14, 2011 at 5:54 pm
I think it’s actually glue strings from a hot glue gun. Clean up your shit if you’re gonna sell it for that much. Geez…
December 14, 2011 at 6:45 pm
I don’t think glue strings are that opaque under flash, unfortunately…
But yes, clean up your scalp and shit.
December 14, 2011 at 10:26 pm
You’d be surprised. Flash actually makes them stand out even more.
December 15, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Scalp? My, you’re so generous.
December 14, 2011 at 7:25 pm
I was going to say the same thing. It’s sloppy crafting, but not quite so disgusting. And glue strings show up REALLY WELL in a picture.
Now I have to say, the price is silly… but does anyone else kind of like this, bad glue job aside? Of course I should mention I’ve been running a 101 fever all day, maybe my judgement isn’t sound, but I think it is a bit pretty.
BUT I GUESS I HAVE A FEVER AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION IS MORE GLUEGUN.
December 15, 2011 at 12:21 am
has potential but isnt made very well, ie: the glue strings. also, that it’s just a version of something thats been made many time by other people. you get to pick whether that makes it a classic or a copy. of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy, etc & ect, one of which is from neimans. or saks, i dont remember.
i think the other thing that qualifies whether one or another of these is actually good is the interest in the vintage mismatched jewelry. theres so much of it, but some is much more interesting than others. this is not the best. so, you know, somewhat compelling idea, somewhat amiss production. like a B-, say.
December 15, 2011 at 6:45 am
No, I think it’s kind of pretty, too. Then again, my deco style is super old lady baroque meets 1970s liberace.
December 15, 2011 at 6:43 am
I love this comment. SO MUCH. It sounds like you’re a character in a movie. CAT DETECTIVE!
December 14, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Well you have to give her some credit. She appears to have gone to a lot of effort to make this… thing.
December 15, 2011 at 12:56 pm
Yeah, it is hard to be accepting of all those Etsy PIF’s.
December 14, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Just the centerpiece for your son’s “purple tower” party.. if there was such a thing.
December 14, 2011 at 4:46 pm
I’m sure that statement made many a… head… throb…
Yeah. I’m sure you’ll stand for that statement too!
December 14, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Actually … I hate to be the wet blanket, but it looks like stringy bits from the glue gun. You know how the hot glue does that.
December 14, 2011 at 4:36 pm
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December 14, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Exactly what I thought.
December 14, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Although it occurs to me that hot glue is terrible for bonding metal, so maybe not.
December 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Oh I’m guessing there’s not much real metal in that thing.
December 14, 2011 at 4:44 pm
Just because it’s occurred to you doesn’t mean it occurred to the crafter…
December 14, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Ditto. But still, shoddy work. Especially for that price.
December 14, 2011 at 6:59 pm
You are correct. For the price I would want that ugly thing to be completely perfect without any flaws. I want it to be mint.
December 14, 2011 at 4:38 pm
That’s what I thought too, which just shows how cheaply it’s made.
December 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm
I thought so too – but yeah, even if it IS – trim that shit!
December 14, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Even if it is glue, why take a close up of your hot glue strings?
December 14, 2011 at 4:55 pm
definitely hot glue, unless she is now bald, because their are strings all over it if you look at the close-up in full.
but maybe she’s left them on so it doubles as a cobweb-covered halloween decoration? man, she’s really got her bases covered. all it needs now is some bunny ears.
December 14, 2011 at 5:14 pm
I thought that too. There is no excuse for not picking them off, so customers won’t think it’s hair and get grossed out. Especially when comparing the work to a NM display and charging $400 smackers for it. For that price, I’d expect the piece to be pristine, not look like something from a classroom at Michael’s.
December 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm
N-M isn’t all that. Many years ago, I went in there to mock the 900 dollar vicuna-wool poncho (this was in the early 1980s, when 900 dollars was TWO mortgage payments instead of half of one), and examined the 200 dollar silk blouse. For 200 bucks, I expect finished seams inside, not raw, pinked edges.
December 14, 2011 at 6:04 pm
Although my great-aunt worked at the original Neiman’s in Dallas for many years, and so every Christmas she’d send us one of the cosmetic counter giveaway sets done up in the most AMAZING gift wrappings. We’d save them and reuse them for years, they were so fabulous. I wonder if they still have the great gift wraps? I miss them. And I miss Great-Aunt Reba, she was a sweetie.
December 14, 2011 at 6:32 pm
I think they do a very fancy box with a wide silk ribbon and a little doodad like a jeweled miniature picture frame.
I have every N-M Christmas book going back to the late 50s, so I know what you’re talking about. It was a great tradition.
December 14, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Yeah, looks like glue-trails to me too. Though she should have cleaned them off.
December 14, 2011 at 5:41 pm
Could be, but to me it’s a sign that they were too lazy to give it another look and fix that.
December 15, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Depends on what made the blanket wet. Are there orange fingerprints too?
December 14, 2011 at 4:34 pm
There’s got to be a way to make a jewelry tree that doesn’t suck. I was just thinking today how many single earrings and old necklaces I have. I could be a styrofoam shape and a bottle of glue away from a masterpiece or my own episode of Hoarders!
December 14, 2011 at 4:51 pm
WD, I believe you can do it. Step 1) be willing to NOT include bits that don’t do anything for the piece 2) Layer the damn things so the gold wrapping paper you used to cover the green foam tree does show. 3) Try E6000 instead of a glue gun, but either way 4) trim the “hairs” when you’re done.
December 14, 2011 at 5:55 pm
This isn’t a tree, but this is how I did a reindeer. With tacky glue, and carefully arranging the pieces to completely cover the entire surface. No hairs.
December 14, 2011 at 5:56 pm
Well shoot, he was larger and more visible in the preview. I brought him to the NC Regretsycon. His name is Whimsy, the Patron Saint of Shit-Glued-to-Other-Shit.
December 14, 2011 at 6:06 pm
I’ve cropped and enlarged, let me try one more time:
December 14, 2011 at 6:33 pm
I think he’s very nice. And I’m stunned that no one has commented on the beaded penis lamp.
December 26, 2011 at 4:44 am
I’m with mapleleaves—although I first read : “Bearded penis lamp”…which disturbed me just a bit more!
December 14, 2011 at 5:58 pm
That’s pretty!
December 14, 2011 at 6:02 pm
Correction, now that I know it’s a he:
He is very whimsical and handsome.
December 14, 2011 at 6:04 pm
Thanks, Mugsy!
December 14, 2011 at 6:05 pm
He’s wonderful! Gosh, maybe I need to craft my own Shit-Glued-to-Other-Shit object. Heaven knows my grandmother left me enough costume jewelry to cover something sizeable!
December 14, 2011 at 6:25 pm
That is the prettiest shit-glued-to-other-shit I’ve seen in a long time!
December 14, 2011 at 6:31 pm
Thanks, you FJL’s! BTW, this popped my cherry on picture posting in the comments!
December 14, 2011 at 6:33 pm
Whimsy is spectacular. I have seen “junk trees” with the well-ordered beauty of Whimsy, too, but they take real work — as I’m sure Whimsy did, as well. Gorgeous!
I love the penis-shaped candlestick, too.
December 14, 2011 at 6:39 pm
LOL Mapleleaves! I never noticed! It’s a tasseled candleholder and each gold part is a large fancy knot.
December 14, 2011 at 8:05 pm
It looks like it’s beautifully and expensively made. It’s just shaped like a gilded cartoon penis.
December 14, 2011 at 7:02 pm
You have tacky glue talent.
December 14, 2011 at 8:01 pm
I’ve seen it in person, and it is seriously the most beautiful example of shit-glued-to-other-shit in the UNIVERSE.
I mean, it is PERFECT. IN. EVERY. DETAIL.
*swoons and tries not to get grabby*
December 15, 2011 at 11:35 am
It is truly a monument and a thing of epic beauty.
December 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm
When I figured out what that zoom was I just about threw up. Oy… usually this stuff doesn’t gross me out, but the thought of hair just glued under all that jewelry? Gross. x_x
December 14, 2011 at 4:39 pm
On the bright side, they are too long to be pubes.
December 14, 2011 at 5:15 pm
And not nearly curly enough. Remember, pubes have body.
December 14, 2011 at 6:44 pm
Regretsy: your source for pube experts.
December 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Love the little soviet star in the mix.
December 14, 2011 at 4:43 pm
I think that’s to emphasize that it contains NO Christmas items.
December 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm
It’s funny that I’m reading this right after I cut my hair.
December 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Could that be dried glue strands? I hope.
December 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm
I’m just glad I’ll be able to display it year-round. It’ll be even more multipurpose than the Love Moose.
December 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Hey, that hair is a feature, not a bug!
December 14, 2011 at 4:36 pm
don’t see how that is 15″ in diameter? maybe she meant circumference.
THIS IS WHY WOMEN DON’T SIZE OUR BRAS PROPERLY!!
December 14, 2011 at 4:37 pm
That looks just like the contents of the .99 bag o’ mystery jewelry from Goodwill.
December 14, 2011 at 5:41 pm
I guess “buttons” didn’t deserve a trumpeting CAPS LOCK in the description. Discriminatory!
But since she tells you she made it “JUST this week”, at least you know it’s fresh.
December 14, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Yeah, a fresh steaming pile.
December 14, 2011 at 4:37 pm
I tried to find the Frontgate version but no luck there either. Although they DO sell this thing for $799 so I guess money can’t buy good taste no matter where you spend it. http://www.frontgate.com/holiday-frost-tree/383750
December 14, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Yeah, selling your crap by mentioning Frontgate doesn’t exactly get me whipping out the MasterCard.
December 14, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Seriously, that’s like saying it’s similar to the one in Skymall, but even more obscenely priced.
December 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Well, this one looks like it has tons of “hair”, I guess that’s what the extra $400 is for.
December 14, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Money definitely can’t buy good taste. Look at Donald Trump.
December 14, 2011 at 6:00 pm
Maybe those are HIS hairs on the piece.
December 14, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Now, THAT looks like a hairball!
December 14, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Wait, it’s a table decoration? And here I thought I’d found my new “best friend” for when my hubby was gone on business!
December 14, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Well, now I’m crossing my legs for the rest of the evening!
December 14, 2011 at 6:49 pm
Internal vajazzling?
December 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm
I think I have some of those pieces from my great-grandmother! I swear not to push them into my candles and sell them though!
December 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Done right, this could actually be super cool.
Done right and minus about $350.
December 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Yeah, that’s gotta be hot glue stringies. Too thick to be hair. Even spray painted hair.
December 14, 2011 at 4:41 pm
My dog ate a pair of my earrings once and crapped out something much nicer than that.
December 14, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Guess it’s just me, I kinda like it
Better than stuffing all your antique broaches/lost earrings in a jewelery box, never to be seen again. And I think the “hair” is dried glue gun gunk, sorry 
December 14, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Yes, two whole HUNDREDS of pieces of grandma’s worthless broken crap I really bought in a lot off of ebay for $20 and thought would be more awesome can be YOURS for $399.00. It’s totally frugal. I see what you did with your shop name, there!
As for the strands of leftover glue hairs, at least we know she cares enough to use the very best. And to spooge across her backdrop.
December 14, 2011 at 4:45 pm
EVERYONE has one of these… Now I don’t want one. Not OOAK enough for me…
http://www.bluevelvetvintage.com/vintage_style_files/2008/12/08/diy-project-vintage-jewelry-christmas-tree/
December 14, 2011 at 4:48 pm
DUDE. The one in that photo is AWESOME.
December 14, 2011 at 6:08 pm
This one also has at least twice as much stuff on it as our Etsy seller’s — it’s really gorgeous!
December 14, 2011 at 6:09 pm
I like that one way better – and they used “some type of craft glue you can get at any Michael’s store.” Would that be glue???
December 15, 2011 at 6:46 am
My favorite thing about that is the first commenter: “This is a great idea! Mine will be all clear rhinestones and will look great on my mirrored vanity tray.”
“Great idea, but mine is going to look GOOD!”
December 14, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Have yourself a hairy little Christmas
Make the yuletide pay
December 14, 2011 at 4:48 pm
I’m so impressed. It doesn’t match and that makes it the coolest thing I have ever seen. Does one have to be on meth to create such a thing?
December 14, 2011 at 4:48 pm
What a waste of vintage jewelry…
Oh…
Wait…
That’s just the broken shit culled from dumpster diving. Nevermind…
December 14, 2011 at 4:49 pm
For $400, I’d appreciate at least the smallest attention to detail. Like, oh, I don’t know, getting the hair or glue strings the hell OFF OF THE PIECE. I can glue my own sparkly shit to tree-shaped shit and remember to clean up the glue before I take pictures. Hell, I bet I could train my cat to do the same.
I also want a hell of a lot more fancy brooches and earrings and stuff for $400. That’s $25 at an estate sale, tops, on a paper mache’ tree. Seriously. $30. Final offer.
December 14, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Cover it in glitter and it will make the FP.
December 14, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Nope, to make the front page you gotta spray paint it creamy.
December 14, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Ugh, as a vintage jewelry collector, this gives me an additional reason to want to retch.
December 14, 2011 at 6:53 pm
Don’t feel bad, she only used “vintage-TYPE” jewelry. No real vintage jewelry was harmed!
December 14, 2011 at 6:56 pm
Ah I misread, she was saying her tree is superior to the vintage-type poseurs. Nevermind me.
December 14, 2011 at 4:55 pm
I think this is the one the seller is talking about..
December 14, 2011 at 6:35 pm
This is what I was able to find at Neiman-Marcus. Compare and Save!
December 16, 2011 at 10:58 am
It looks like Frontgate doesn’t sell it anymore. I found a link to the page on their website, and it didn’t work. This site also sold it by connecting to their site, I guess, since their link doesn’t work anymore either. They say it may be sold out.
http://www.polyvore.com/jeweled_tree_frontgate/thing?id=45765522
December 14, 2011 at 4:55 pm
i think its competition time,pretty sure with a quick trip to the charity shop i can knock up…i mean painstakingly craft…something better.
December 14, 2011 at 4:55 pm
I buy old rhinestone brooches and put them on the tree. Or I scatter them around other decorations. Bling Bling everywhere! And no hot glue callouses. Maybe she’s figuring into her asking price the wound care involved in her project?
December 14, 2011 at 5:00 pm
It’s actually *less* Etsy for not including the accidental scalping as a particularly OOAK selling point.
December 14, 2011 at 5:12 pm
The hair looks golden blonde. Clearly the seller searched high and low for hair that would match this vintage masterpiece. So many here who don’t recognize true artistry. For shame.
December 14, 2011 at 5:16 pm
Hair or not, that thing looks like something I would see in my tasteless neighbor’s house during those godawful parties they held back in the 70s.
December 14, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Also, closeup brooch is missing a stone. With so much glue flying around, why not glue another one in?
December 14, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Could it maybe, possibly (but probably not) be hot glue strands?
Speaking of which, to all you hot glue gun crafters out there–hitting the item with a blow dryer usually makes them disappear.
December 14, 2011 at 5:34 pm
You can find these on ebay, too. There’s some pretty framed pieces, like this one:
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Victorian-Chic-Style-Vintage-Jewelry-Christmas-Tree-Framed-Art-Picture-/200687837864?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item2eb9ed62a8
December 14, 2011 at 5:38 pm
I have four dogs, two cats, and long hair. My greatest crafting fear is that a customer would find a hair on one of my dolls. I’m absolutely neurotic with the sticky lint roller! How does someone take close-ups and not see this?
December 14, 2011 at 5:40 pm
O.K., I’ll confess. I think that this would be a cool way to store my vintage pins (stick them into the foam, not glue). However, it would NOT go on public display and is in NO way worth hundreds of dollars.
December 14, 2011 at 5:43 pm
It is beeauuutifulll!
December 14, 2011 at 5:48 pm
Ah, at last, a perfect source of DNA for my clone army! With that hair, I cna make a million crafters of tacky shit and make any world government surrender. It’s the perfect plan!
December 14, 2011 at 5:49 pm
“Due to the value of this item…”
Um, I am pretty sure any value the junk bits of “vintage” jewelry may have had just went out the window.
December 14, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Pssst! Cone, not cylinder… I’m such a buzz kill.
December 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm
Unless it had some kind of tardis-like time and space bending trick not listed in the info, the creator and I have very different definitions of the word “hundreds.”
December 14, 2011 at 6:11 pm
The nursing home is going to eventually figure out where all the missing earrings, brooches, and buttons have gone.
December 14, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Uh, that is not a hair, but the hyphae of a species of Moniliophthora, a common fungal pathogen, also known as witch’s hair, which is commonly found on heirloom varieties jewelry trees. The newer strains of jewelry trees have been breed specifically for resistance to this and many other naturally occurring plant pathogens.
December 15, 2011 at 6:50 am
I suspect that you, like me, used to bullshit your friends mercilessly with fake science just to see what you could get people to believe.
December 15, 2011 at 6:24 pm
As someone with an associates degree in horticulture, I would just like to say I approve heartily of this assessment. PLANT NERDS UNITE!
December 14, 2011 at 6:22 pm
I get my hair in EVERYTHING. Hairnets are a crafter’s friend.
December 14, 2011 at 6:27 pm
Somebody better tell her what diameter means.
December 14, 2011 at 6:29 pm
I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt; thought maybe it could have been fur from her Great Pyrinese or St Bernard, but it does look like glue gun hair. Either that, or her own, very bleached, very brittle vintage hair… What she’s used to put around the “tree” to paint it “gold” before she glued her “ornaments” on? That looks like a “gold-painted weathered wood-look” finish to me. Can’t see how she missed that opportunity!
She one of fucktards who haven’t figured out just because it’s old shit doesn’t mean it’s valuable shit. And just because it’s “vintage” doesn’t mean it shouldn’t also be nice and clean and have all its shiny rhinestones. And putting together a bunch of old used trash jewelry in the shape of a tree does not make it anything more than a tree-shaped pile of old used trash jewelry… She didn’t even put enough on to make it look like the other overloaded ugly trees – she’s stingy, to boot.
December 14, 2011 at 6:39 pm
I bought some garland from Frontgate and I’m very pleased with it. But I wouldn’t buy that jewel-encrusted festive holiday buttplug, and I sure wouldn’t buy this:
http://www.frontgate.com/santa-s-night-out/holiday-decor/holiday-sale/385647
Santa’s night out? Does he moonlight as the MC at a drag show?
December 14, 2011 at 7:48 pm
I’d only buy it if he danced the macarena.
December 14, 2011 at 7:27 pm
If that isn’t hot glue hair – then she’s shedding like a dog, because the same “hair” is on a bunch of the other stuff in her shop.
Her creative license should be revoked.
December 14, 2011 at 7:30 pm
I have only one word to say:
Ackytay.
December 14, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Hundreds of vintage earrings and shit? It looks more like a few dozen.
December 14, 2011 at 11:16 pm
It looks like they took a styrofoam cone, painted it gold, and rolled it over the quarter table at the old cat lady down the roads yard sale.
December 14, 2011 at 11:42 pm
Did no one else look at this thing and think ‘ornamental buttplug’?
December 15, 2011 at 2:34 am
That would be Christmas tree, which I planned.
December 15, 2011 at 8:28 am
That’s beautiful. I especially like how you have blue and gold ornaments. Really well done! Is the lighting inside or behind it?
December 15, 2011 at 9:01 am
It is organdi fabric and spring steel.
Decorations are caught with small hooks and lights inside.
We have done this with my wife and some of the sellers, but now we do not have steel, and we do not know what it is not the quality.
December 15, 2011 at 9:45 am
Petja, you could use either spiral steel or plastic boning, as you would sew into corsets.
December 15, 2011 at 9:59 am
could be considered
December 15, 2011 at 8:05 am
did anyone else notice her absurd shipping price? $50?!
December 15, 2011 at 9:05 am
December 15, 2011 at 11:07 am
anyone else notice that her dimensions are all out of whack? 15″ diammeter by 21″ height? that would be a lot stumpier. perhaps she meant 15″ circumference?
December 15, 2011 at 2:20 pm
dude that’s not hair, its hot glue strings and $399??? for shit hot glued onto more shit??? and the glue strings not even removed? Does the seller think people are right stupid!? Who in their right mind would even consider buying that!! Even if I had all the money in the world and it would be a charity purchase I wouldn’t you know why? I don’t support stupidity
December 15, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Did anyone else notice the name of her shop? This $400 monstrosity is in a shop with the word “frugal” in the title.
December 16, 2011 at 6:07 am
Somebody confiscate the hot glue gun…
December 16, 2011 at 10:43 am
Interesting… This other Etsy seller mentions the same thing from Frontgate:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/87742876/jeweled-tree-handmade-vintage-brooches?ref=sr_gallery_8&ga_includes%5B0%5D=tags&ga_search_query=Jeweled+Tree&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=
December 16, 2011 at 10:48 am
This has some pretty nice ones, but they’re even more expensive. $1250 for an 18 inch one.
http://blog.bergdorfgoodman.com/bg-magazine/holiday-gifts-2011
December 22, 2011 at 1:28 am
Roger’s Gardens in newport beach, Ca sells some bs like this for a few hundred dollars.
the ones they sell are a styrofoam cone covered with hot glue buttons for 4-6 hundred.
I think they are retarded. I’m pretty sure that’s what she was attempting to do. But with some gnarly hair thrown in.
March 18, 2012 at 12:11 pm
My nana made one of these probably 20+ years ago and I found it in the closet when I moved in with her last year and promptly set about finding a way to get the few things of value on it Off and destroying the rest.