I would have never slept again. I was already convinced Santa wanted me dead. The dead bear heads would have convinced me that he was just taunting me.
What toys did you have that terrified you when you were about 4 or 5?
+19
catherder
December 14, 2011 at 5:27 pm
There was one called Tippie Tumbles, or such like. She did somersaults, and you could hear the machinery grinding inside. When she started leaking oil from her joints, my parents returned her to the store.
The American Idol equivalent of butthurt is usually throwing things, screaming at the camera that those [bleeping bleeping bleeps] don’t know good singing when they [bleeping] hear it and Ima gonna make it so [bleeping] big and they’re going to kiss my [bleeping bleep]!
Agreed! I have approximately an ounce of creativity and craftsmanship in me (they wane and wax with my BAC), and I could still make better shit than that. I know her profile says she doesn’t use sewing machines, but what’s the excuse for the fabric that looks like it’s been cut with safety scissors?
I think we should all be thankful that she’s using safety scissors. what she does with soft toys is frightening enough; you want to give her sharp objects?
Oooh! Put in little battery-powered flashing red lights! Tuck the kid in, flick the switch, and now SATAN IS HOLDING BACK YOUR CURTAINS, BITCHEZ!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA….!
+25
Mugsy Doodle
December 14, 2011 at 4:09 pm
I remember when I read “The Amityville Horror” (later proven to be totally fabricated, but I digress) in school–before it came out as a book, it was serialized in the local paper, which made it seem really real–and the scariest part of all was the red eyes staring through the second-story window.. Guess what floor my bedroom was on! The bedroom with windows on two sides, and thanks to furniture, I couldn’t keep watch on all three windows at once!! The bedroom I slept in ALONE!!!
Now you’ve given us flashing red eyes…and I think it’s really cool. Why should children have sweet, innocent bedtimes? This builds character and really good agility to run for the bedroom door before the red eyes get me you?
Convo me for as many horrid ugly decapitated stuffed animal heads with heart eyes as your little heart desires! (I can do pigs, monkeys, rabbits, and giraffes too!)*
*I’m not the maker of this POS, but I’d be happy to cash-in!
Add that to the list of things to not put in a room you intend to ever have sex in. Other things on that list? I love Lucy pictures and Hello Kitty anything.
I say go for it! If he says yes, you’ll know he truly loves you. If he says “Why the hell do you want a Hello Kitty vibrator while I’m gone?!”, you may want to reconsider the engagement.
I have forgotten to hide the hello kitty pillow under the bed before having sex, before. I also have Strawberry Shortcake pillowcases. They may cause pause, but they don’t derail the sex-train.
Everyone likes to talk a big game for comic effect and all, but we know that once the sex-train leaves the station ain’t no cartoon character pillow-case gonna derail it.
Hey, there are some people out there who NEED Hello Kitty accoutrements in their boudoir. I’m not saying I’m one of them, but there are people with needs:
How is this for lovers? A badly constructed bear head with hearts for eyes that vaguely reminds me of a leather sex mask isn’t going to help my husband get hard. And if it did we’d have to have a long talk..
I made something like that in grade 5. However I was using scraps of fabric out of my Mom’s bin and glue instead of the sewing machine. And I wasn’t trying to sell the sucker.
Dunno if its the absinthe talking but it vaguely reminds me of the golly wog dolls that you used to be able to get here in the UK because they were banned.
Yep. My first thought was reconstructing the seller’s thoughts: “Hm… my African curtain tiebacks came out a bit too racist. I know! I’ll stick some ears on and call them bears.”
yet another thing to awaken in the night to eat my face off. i’m going to end up sleeping in a all-white heavily padded room because of this shit. possibly in a jacket with really long sleeves that makes me hug myself.
AAAH! I was expecting to see a decapitated teddy bear head or something, not this thing from my nightmares. Is it bad that I’d prefer a decapitated teddy bear?
I bought it. Me and my boyfriend have this joke about how bears are horrifying. (it is the kind of joke that goes one and on, but that you can’t tell to other people or it makes no sense.) Anyways, he is getting this for Christmas. And that means that I will be the winner of christmas this year. Hell yeah.
bears are not horrifying because they will eat you. they are horrifying because they are douchebags who dont respect personal property…I cannot believe I am trying to explain an inside joke that started when I was on mushrooms to a bunch of people I don’t know.
dear lord. lets HOPE I am the winner of christmas. If he wins, (which he still might) I will also send a picture of the offending article to HK. I don’t know how I could be defeated with this bear in my corner, but it is possible.
I kept reading “Beer on Curtains” before I opened the page, and hoped for something fun and wacky—maybe beer can drapery rings? Even after I saw the photo, I kept hearing “Beer on Curtains” in my head. I’m optimistic to a fault sometimes.
That thing is just begging to have a hole between those lips to shove something in. And I’m a girl, I’m not sure what I’d shove in it, or why that was my first thought. Regretsy has caused me to think this way.
DAMN!!! I wish I was your lover…
I’ll scare you till the daylight comes,
Make sure you are shaking with fear.
Don’t close your eyes, I’m gonna get you.
I will do such things to cause your pain,
Fuck your mind and make you feel ashamed
Of course it is the only one in the world. The Curtain Bear species died out years ago. The heart shaped eyes became saddened over time. Their excessive use of My Pink Button on their lips has also been linked to their demise.
Does anyone else see in the first picture: in the bell is a reflection of a child sitting in a corner, knees up to chest, arms wrapped around their knees saying, “can’t sleep, bear will eat me…can’t sleep bear will eat me!!”
I made something like this once. Only it was on construction paper and my teacher yelled at me for using too much glue. It was my second year of college.
Ah, the majestic curtain bear, Ursus velum. It reigned supreme in the parlours and living rooms across the northern hemisphere. That is, until it was rumored that it’s anal sphincter was an natural Viagra. The last known bear, a immature male, was shot in Bismarck, North Dakota
Oh. Sadly, I’m not sure I completely realized that people only say that about Virginia. Maybe I knew it on some level. Actually, this makes it a bit funnier for me, because many years ago, when I was at Build-a-Bear Workshop, I remember seeing a stuffed animal shirt which said, “Virginia is for Teddy Bear Lovers”. Oddly fitting here.
On a completely unrelated note I heard back from one of my state representatives. He is NOT in favor of SOPA. He thinks the government censoring the internet and tracking down pirates would be a waste of our taxpayers’ money and the companies fighting for this make enough money to handle their own copy-write problems.
I know some bear guys…y’know, the hairy M4M type of bears…who would go for this, simply because it’s a bear. Doesn’t matter if it’s cheaply made and looks like crap…it’s a BEAR, dammit, gotta have it NOW. Just because they’re gay, doesn’t mean they have taste. And I say that as a flaming ‘mo who cheerfully acknowledges his lapses in taste…
I guess I never assumed gay bears were like the more femme gays. But this is good to know in case I ever make friends with a “bear” so I know what to give him as gifts.
I don’t mean to stereotype ALL of them; they run the gamut, like any other group. But there are SOME that can be very femme-y in decor. An ex of mine is a big burly sort, looks and dresses like a truck driver, but does needlepoint and embroidery and is an ace flower arranger. And I know another whose idea of decorating is pinning up beefcake posters. But I’ve known a few who, if they see ANYTHING bear-related, snap it up in a trice.
Mass produce that! It could be the biggest trend of 2012. Tie back your curtains with upcycled garbage.
The lips creep me out. The eyes follow me if I move from side to side. If that thing were in my house, I’d probably sleep with the lights on. Bear’s gonna eat me….
It’s reverse synergy. The eyes, the lips and the ears along with the rest added together is so much less than the sum of the parts in normal.
I have a feeling that seeing it in person could turn any normal human into a zombie or something like that. It may be a voodoo doll of some type with magical abilities. It’s disguised as home decor on etsy for a reason possibly.
There a lot of words to describe this catastrophe, but racist is not one of them. The curtains are brown, so the bear is brown. I bet the seller would be happy to make you a hideous bear for any color curtains you have.
December 14, 2011 at 1:24 pm
People aren’t even TRYING anymore, fuck!
December 14, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Sorry, got a little head ‘splody there. But, dang, workmanship aside, how do you not see that that’s just fucking ugly?
Oh, wait. The same way people auditioning for “American Idol” apparently can’t hear how much they suck.
Vodka o’clock? Don’t mind if I do….
December 14, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Done correctly, they could be cute for a child’s room.
On the other hand, decapitated bear head curtain ties could be terrifying to a small child.
December 14, 2011 at 1:33 pm
That thing is truly horrifying, the stuff of nightmares.
December 14, 2011 at 1:39 pm
It’s truly unbearable…
December 14, 2011 at 3:57 pm
I don’t want the love heart bear to love me. He’s a little too creepy.
December 14, 2011 at 5:01 pm
Is it just me or is Bear a little 1930′s Disney flavour racist?
December 14, 2011 at 5:47 pm
Agree Ms. B. It is downright grisly.
December 14, 2011 at 11:36 pm
Alright, which one of you fat fuckers bought this thing?
December 15, 2011 at 1:34 pm
Aww he’s kinda cute! Wait… nope, that was the distorted image through my Cocktail glass.
December 14, 2011 at 2:43 pm
I would have never slept again. I was already convinced Santa wanted me dead. The dead bear heads would have convinced me that he was just taunting me.
December 14, 2011 at 4:01 pm
It would have scared the shit out of me as a kid. Ask me sometime about the toys I had that terrified me when I was about 4 or 5.
December 14, 2011 at 4:33 pm
What toys did you have that terrified you when you were about 4 or 5?
December 14, 2011 at 5:27 pm
There was one called Tippie Tumbles, or such like. She did somersaults, and you could hear the machinery grinding inside. When she started leaking oil from her joints, my parents returned her to the store.
December 16, 2011 at 3:36 pm
make it a zombie bear with a bloody mouth
December 14, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Yes, but at least the poor singers on America Idol get to be on tv. As raving idiots yes, but on tv.
December 14, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Horrible crafts make it to Regretsy, which I think it more of an honor.
We can all see it when someone is butthurt because they post about it for all to see.
December 14, 2011 at 3:51 pm
The American Idol equivalent of butthurt is usually throwing things, screaming at the camera that those [bleeping bleeping bleeps] don’t know good singing when they [bleeping] hear it and Ima gonna make it so [bleeping] big and they’re going to kiss my [bleeping bleep]!
December 14, 2011 at 3:08 pm
I actually think I could do better, and my crafting skills are extremely limited
December 14, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Agreed! I have approximately an ounce of creativity and craftsmanship in me (they wane and wax with my BAC), and I could still make better shit than that. I know her profile says she doesn’t use sewing machines, but what’s the excuse for the fabric that looks like it’s been cut with safety scissors?
December 14, 2011 at 1:39 pm
steam-a-seam is supposed to work a whole lot better than that!
I can even get better results with scotch tape.
December 14, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Or a stapler. And duct tape. And a sharpie.
Oh stop me…
December 14, 2011 at 2:54 pm
I think we should all be thankful that she’s using safety scissors. what she does with soft toys is frightening enough; you want to give her sharp objects?
December 14, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Maybe they don’t allow her to have sharp objects where she is…
December 14, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Ah, art therapy. Supposed to be very soothing.
December 14, 2011 at 1:24 pm
If you love me,
Don’t tie shit to my curtains
December 14, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Huh, I was just thinking I needed something with big red eyes to stare at me from my bedroom window.
December 14, 2011 at 1:28 pm
This is how you’ll know I was thinking of you, as I peered out of the curtains and watched you sleep.
December 14, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Maybe she can make them glow-in-the-dark? You know, for all-night staring.
December 14, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Oooh! Put in little battery-powered flashing red lights! Tuck the kid in, flick the switch, and now SATAN IS HOLDING BACK YOUR CURTAINS, BITCHEZ!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA….!
December 14, 2011 at 4:09 pm
I remember when I read “The Amityville Horror” (later proven to be totally fabricated, but I digress) in school–before it came out as a book, it was serialized in the local paper, which made it seem really real–and the scariest part of all was the red eyes staring through the second-story window.. Guess what floor my bedroom was on! The bedroom with windows on two sides, and thanks to furniture, I couldn’t keep watch on all three windows at once!! The bedroom I slept in ALONE!!!
Now you’ve given us flashing red eyes…and I think it’s really cool. Why should children have sweet, innocent bedtimes? This builds character and really good agility to run for the bedroom door before the red eyes get
meyou?December 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm
“Is Jodie a boy or a girl?”
“Don’t be silly, daddy. Jodie is a pig.”
I’ll be up all night, now.
December 14, 2011 at 5:50 pm
So this is the bear version of Edward?
December 14, 2011 at 1:24 pm
If there is only one… what will hold open the other side of my curtain?
December 14, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Your love holds the other side of the curtain open. Harness the power of love.
December 14, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Convo me for as many horrid ugly decapitated stuffed animal heads with heart eyes as your little heart desires! (I can do pigs, monkeys, rabbits, and giraffes too!)*
*I’m not the maker of this POS, but I’d be happy to cash-in!
December 14, 2011 at 3:57 pm
There can be only one.
Let us be thankful.
December 14, 2011 at 6:47 pm
Yeah…why is there only one? Shouldn’t there be a pair of these for a proper set of curtains? Would it be worse if there were two of them or better?
December 14, 2011 at 4:03 pm
The bear’s ass? I can see a little round stuffed thing with a little bear tail sticking out of it on the other curtain.
December 14, 2011 at 6:05 pm
The other one if off killing someone
December 15, 2011 at 3:01 pm
How silly! The other curtain won’t come anywhere NEAR that fucking thing!
December 14, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Add that to the list of things to not put in a room you intend to ever have sex in. Other things on that list? I love Lucy pictures and Hello Kitty anything.
December 14, 2011 at 1:40 pm
so I guess a Hello Kitty bajingo tattoo is out, then?
December 14, 2011 at 1:47 pm
So Hello Kitty Vibrators are a no-go too?
http://www.kittyhell.com/2007/11/04/hello-kitty-vibrator-reborn/
December 14, 2011 at 2:19 pm
I should not have looked.
December 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm
But that looks like a perfect stocking stuffer!
December 14, 2011 at 2:34 pm
It’s a something stuffer.
December 14, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Goetsy Stuffer?
December 14, 2011 at 4:05 pm
Helloooo Kitty!
It’s a kitty for your pussy.
Oh, god, need booze. Must stop brain immediately.
December 14, 2011 at 4:43 pm
…I want to request that my fiance buys me this before he deploys simply to see if he will indeed buy me it. Should I?
December 14, 2011 at 8:43 pm
I say go for it! If he says yes, you’ll know he truly loves you. If he says “Why the hell do you want a Hello Kitty vibrator while I’m gone?!”, you may want to reconsider the engagement.
December 14, 2011 at 1:51 pm
I have forgotten to hide the hello kitty pillow under the bed before having sex, before. I also have Strawberry Shortcake pillowcases. They may cause pause, but they don’t derail the sex-train.
December 14, 2011 at 3:31 pm
Everyone likes to talk a big game for comic effect and all, but we know that once the sex-train leaves the station ain’t no cartoon character pillow-case gonna derail it.
December 14, 2011 at 2:06 pm
Hey, there are some people out there who NEED Hello Kitty accoutrements in their boudoir. I’m not saying I’m one of them, but there are people with needs:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/53093589/hello-kitty-ball-gag-prop
December 14, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Dang, it’s sold.
I’d have liked to buy it to slip into the Secret Santa stack at some random office. I have the same plans for the bondage teddy bears:
December 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm
And dolls.
Dolls with staring eyes.
Dolls with staring eyes that stare at you all. night. long.
*shiver*
December 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm
Here’s a song for you, Rana http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0t7ZTzylg0
December 15, 2011 at 11:28 am
Ah, I love this song. Nothing better than geeky music by a geeky songwriter inspired by a geeky past time.
I <3 Jonathan Coulton.
December 14, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Its mouth is very human. It’s really creeping me out.
December 14, 2011 at 5:36 pm
God, same here.
December 14, 2011 at 9:24 pm
Say what you will. I’m just glad Janice Dickinson is taking some time out of the public eye.
December 14, 2011 at 1:26 pm
How is this for lovers? A badly constructed bear head with hearts for eyes that vaguely reminds me of a leather sex mask isn’t going to help my husband get hard. And if it did we’d have to have a long talk..
December 14, 2011 at 1:26 pm
I hope there is only one
December 14, 2011 at 1:28 pm
I was kind of hoping something, naked or nasty or surprising was reflected in the silver ornament. No such luck.
December 14, 2011 at 1:28 pm
it feels like “bear on curtains” should be a pun. Except that it’s really not.
December 14, 2011 at 1:28 pm
I made something like that in grade 5. However I was using scraps of fabric out of my Mom’s bin and glue instead of the sewing machine. And I wasn’t trying to sell the sucker.
December 14, 2011 at 1:28 pm
Someone let Stephen Colbert know the new number one threat to Americ-raft: BEARS! –ON CURTAINS.
December 14, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Her profile is the best thing in her shop.
December 14, 2011 at 1:34 pm
You weren’t kidding! I’d like her profile description on a sampler!
“Hahaha
I am Jessie! happy Jessie! I love to share my happy to everyone else! ♥♥”
December 14, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Aww, bless her heart, she’s happy Jessie! It’s nice someone at the home showed her how to use Etsy.
December 14, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Whoa there Jessie. They have a name for people who love to share their happy with EVERYONE else…
December 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm
popular girl
December 14, 2011 at 3:39 pm
and a few diseases to catch.
December 14, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Crafter on PCP is for Etsy.
December 14, 2011 at 1:30 pm
“Everything here are hand made. No machines use, no sewing machines use”
Note to the seller: Please yes sewing machines use.
December 14, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Entirely certain that handmade does include sewing machines. Good happy shiny sewing machines that like to share their happy!
December 14, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Dunno if its the absinthe talking but it vaguely reminds me of the golly wog dolls that you used to be able to get here in the UK because they were banned.
December 14, 2011 at 1:31 pm
It reminds me vaguely of Little Black Sambo…
December 14, 2011 at 1:34 pm
I’m glad I’m not the only one. My first thoughts were, “That bear is ugly… And vaguely racist.”
December 14, 2011 at 2:13 pm
I’m with you both. I thought those lips were a bit um… big. Botox. Yeah, let’s go with that.
December 14, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Oh good, that was pretty much my exact thought. It’s because of those freaky humanoid lips it’s got.
December 14, 2011 at 3:14 pm
Yep. My first thought was reconstructing the seller’s thoughts: “Hm… my African curtain tiebacks came out a bit too racist. I know! I’ll stick some ears on and call them bears.”
December 14, 2011 at 6:49 pm
Wow. Worlds of understanding have opened into my fragile mind. This handicraft truly must be the work of a racist Satan.
December 14, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Dear Lover,
I find this unbearable.
December 14, 2011 at 1:32 pm
yet another thing to awaken in the night to eat my face off. i’m going to end up sleeping in a all-white heavily padded room because of this shit. possibly in a jacket with really long sleeves that makes me hug myself.
December 14, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Is it wrong that I’d rather have Copernicus the Homicidal Monkey and the Dead Wolf Snuggie in my room than this thing?
December 14, 2011 at 2:25 pm
Oh yes! I mean, oh no, not wrong at all. I love that homicidal monkey!
December 14, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Bear IN Trash? Or Bear OF Trash? Because I’m easily confused.
December 14, 2011 at 1:34 pm
That is terrifying.
And not having a sewing machine is no excuse. I don’t have one and I can still do better than that.
December 14, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Love Heart Bear has no nose. It’s actually Voldemort!
December 14, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Beardemort?
December 14, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Frayed eye hearts?
I’d give my love a whippin’ for giving me that shit.
December 14, 2011 at 1:36 pm
Seller info: “Everything here are hand made. No machines use, no sewing machines use.”
I think that’s pretty obvious. It’s also obvious grammar wasn’t used….or talent…or skill…or adult scissors.
December 14, 2011 at 1:36 pm
I kind of love the idea, only I’d like one that is well made and reasonably tastefully done. And probably something that’s not a bear.
December 14, 2011 at 1:53 pm
I was thinking the same thing. It’s a very cute concept, just not carried out well.
December 14, 2011 at 1:38 pm
AAAH! I was expecting to see a decapitated teddy bear head or something, not this thing from my nightmares. Is it bad that I’d prefer a decapitated teddy bear?
December 14, 2011 at 1:38 pm
I’m getting some of these so my brats will be too damned scared to come in my room. Brilliant.
December 14, 2011 at 1:39 pm
They ate his paws in Helsinki.
December 14, 2011 at 1:39 pm
This reminds me of Ed Gein.
December 14, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I’m deeply ashamed to admit that the first thing that popped into my head when I saw this were Emmett Till’s funeral pictures.
(If you don’t know who that is or what he looked like at his funeral, think long and hard before you Google it. What is seen cannot be unseen.)
December 14, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Wow! Okay, I see what you mean!
December 14, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Does it come in PedoBear? For the kids room?
December 14, 2011 at 2:09 pm
No, but PedoBear comes in the kids room.
December 14, 2011 at 8:49 pm
It’s to hold the curtain back so PedoBear can look in and watch…
December 14, 2011 at 1:41 pm
A bear with a strap on. Yikes.
December 14, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Yeah, now it needs a ball gag.
December 14, 2011 at 1:42 pm
This is so your mate will stop giving a shit if the dogs come in to watch you have sex, right? Because this is so, so much worse.
December 14, 2011 at 1:44 pm
I bought it. Me and my boyfriend have this joke about how bears are horrifying. (it is the kind of joke that goes one and on, but that you can’t tell to other people or it makes no sense.) Anyways, he is getting this for Christmas. And that means that I will be the winner of christmas this year. Hell yeah.
December 14, 2011 at 1:48 pm
bears are not horrifying because they will eat you. they are horrifying because they are douchebags who dont respect personal property…I cannot believe I am trying to explain an inside joke that started when I was on mushrooms to a bunch of people I don’t know.
I cannot wait to get this thing in the mail.
December 14, 2011 at 4:10 pm
No,they don’t respect personal property. They’ll rip apart YOUR car to get at YOUR food.
December 14, 2011 at 4:47 pm
If you haven’t seen this Viral Video Film School lesson on Bears, you *must* watch it!
http://youtu.be/RmmyuuBj_Qg
December 14, 2011 at 6:17 pm
I’m always screaming, “Put your HEAD in my mouth!” I must be a bear.
Um…not really. I don’t scream it.
December 14, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I was just about to ask which sick fuck bought this thing.
December 14, 2011 at 1:49 pm
OK, so you have to send HK photos of him opening his gift, as well as a “view it in a room” shot, to put in the gallery.
December 14, 2011 at 1:50 pm
will do.
December 14, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Um… congratulations on winning christmas..?
December 14, 2011 at 1:57 pm
dear lord. lets HOPE I am the winner of christmas. If he wins, (which he still might) I will also send a picture of the offending article to HK. I don’t know how I could be defeated with this bear in my corner, but it is possible.
December 14, 2011 at 1:44 pm
This sold today. Who bought it?
December 14, 2011 at 1:45 pm
me! so excited!
December 14, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Looks like a plush ted danson in blackface…
December 15, 2011 at 7:48 am
Thank goodness, I thought that was my latent Southern heritage popping up. It’s not just me!
December 14, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Hmmm….I mean…we need curtains. And I love my boyfriend. But I don’t know if I love him that much.
December 14, 2011 at 1:51 pm
the ghost of Bernie Mac captured in felt
December 14, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Brown and black together? For SHAME!
December 14, 2011 at 1:53 pm
the bottom picture looks suspiciously like a ball gag.
December 14, 2011 at 1:58 pm
For some reason, my first impression from glancing the top photo was “Chocolate Gumby.”
December 14, 2011 at 2:01 pm
When I was little I was convinced that there were monsters that lived in the folds of the curtains and came out at night. Looks like I was right.
December 14, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Oh dear fuckery this has got to be fuckery.
That or those eyes have given me an intense, psychadelic stroke.
December 14, 2011 at 2:11 pm
I kept reading “Beer on Curtains” before I opened the page, and hoped for something fun and wacky—maybe beer can drapery rings? Even after I saw the photo, I kept hearing “Beer on Curtains” in my head. I’m optimistic to a fault sometimes.
December 14, 2011 at 2:14 pm
it looks like a harlequin fetus.
December 14, 2011 at 4:18 pm
it’s eyes aren’t terrifying enough, but somehow they are close
December 14, 2011 at 2:20 pm
That thing is just begging to have a hole between those lips to shove something in. And I’m a girl, I’m not sure what I’d shove in it, or why that was my first thought. Regretsy has caused me to think this way.
December 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm
With apologies to Sophie B. Hawkins:
DAMN!!! I wish I was your lover…
I’ll scare you till the daylight comes,
Make sure you are shaking with fear.
Don’t close your eyes, I’m gonna get you.
I will do such things to cause your pain,
Fuck your mind and make you feel ashamed
December 14, 2011 at 2:37 pm
THE DAMN THING IS STARING AT ME!!!
December 14, 2011 at 2:48 pm
I dont know if I need to lay off the vodka, or if I need more vodka, but I like it!
I’m going to hide now
December 14, 2011 at 2:53 pm
Of course it is the only one in the world. The Curtain Bear species died out years ago. The heart shaped eyes became saddened over time. Their excessive use of My Pink Button on their lips has also been linked to their demise.
December 14, 2011 at 4:21 pm
+1 for the My Pink Button reference.
December 14, 2011 at 2:56 pm
Does anyone else see in the first picture: in the bell is a reflection of a child sitting in a corner, knees up to chest, arms wrapped around their knees saying, “can’t sleep, bear will eat me…can’t sleep bear will eat me!!”
December 14, 2011 at 3:23 pm
I made something like this once. Only it was on construction paper and my teacher yelled at me for using too much glue. It was my second year of college.
December 14, 2011 at 3:23 pm
Ah, the majestic curtain bear, Ursus velum. It reigned supreme in the parlours and living rooms across the northern hemisphere. That is, until it was rumored that it’s anal sphincter was an natural Viagra. The last known bear, a immature male, was shot in Bismarck, North Dakota
December 14, 2011 at 3:30 pm
December 14, 2011 at 3:36 pm
what the??? It worked in the preview! BALLS!
December 14, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Please, Santa let this work…or should I beseech Krampuus?
December 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Dear world,
Please don’t associate Virginia with this monstrosity. Instead, associate us with…with….
Fuck it. Go ahead and think of this shit when you think of Virginia.
<3, a native
December 14, 2011 at 6:20 pm
Come on my fellow Virginian! We were the first colony! More presidents were born here than in any other state!
December 14, 2011 at 6:25 pm
Wait, this seller’s from California…
December 15, 2011 at 3:51 pm
The title of the post is a play on the state motto for Virginia… “Virginia is for lovers.”
December 16, 2011 at 10:05 am
Oh. Sadly, I’m not sure I completely realized that people only say that about Virginia. Maybe I knew it on some level. Actually, this makes it a bit funnier for me, because many years ago, when I was at Build-a-Bear Workshop, I remember seeing a stuffed animal shirt which said, “Virginia is for Teddy Bear Lovers”. Oddly fitting here.
December 14, 2011 at 3:40 pm
That monstrosity is an insult to bears!!!
December 14, 2011 at 3:42 pm
On a completely unrelated note I heard back from one of my state representatives. He is NOT in favor of SOPA. He thinks the government censoring the internet and tracking down pirates would be a waste of our taxpayers’ money and the companies fighting for this make enough money to handle their own copy-write problems.
December 14, 2011 at 4:07 pm
I know some bear guys…y’know, the hairy M4M type of bears…who would go for this, simply because it’s a bear. Doesn’t matter if it’s cheaply made and looks like crap…it’s a BEAR, dammit, gotta have it NOW. Just because they’re gay, doesn’t mean they have taste. And I say that as a flaming ‘mo who cheerfully acknowledges his lapses in taste…
December 14, 2011 at 4:20 pm
I guess I never assumed gay bears were like the more femme gays. But this is good to know in case I ever make friends with a “bear” so I know what to give him as gifts.
December 14, 2011 at 4:37 pm
I don’t mean to stereotype ALL of them; they run the gamut, like any other group. But there are SOME that can be very femme-y in decor. An ex of mine is a big burly sort, looks and dresses like a truck driver, but does needlepoint and embroidery and is an ace flower arranger. And I know another whose idea of decorating is pinning up beefcake posters. But I’ve known a few who, if they see ANYTHING bear-related, snap it up in a trice.
December 14, 2011 at 5:47 pm
The Cell Block here in Boystown is adertising $1 PBR cans on Mondays. All joking aside, there are apparently Hipster Bears in Chicago.
December 14, 2011 at 6:50 pm
Groan. Just, groan.
December 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm
This looks like a warning to any other stuffed bears that might potentially enter your house.
December 14, 2011 at 4:41 pm
That bear gives off a bit of an S&M vibe to me. I think it needs a safe word.
December 14, 2011 at 4:49 pm
OMFG it’s Satan’s Hell Bear!!! It’s the bear Satan gives his kids when he’s pissed at them and wants them to have Hell Nightmares.
BRB – Gonna douse my brain with Holy Water to keep the nightmares at bay. D:
December 14, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Mass produce that! It could be the biggest trend of 2012. Tie back your curtains with upcycled garbage.
The lips creep me out. The eyes follow me if I move from side to side. If that thing were in my house, I’d probably sleep with the lights on. Bear’s gonna eat me….
December 14, 2011 at 6:03 pm
I can’t look away from those lips…
December 14, 2011 at 6:56 pm
It’s reverse synergy. The eyes, the lips and the ears along with the rest added together is so much less than the sum of the parts in normal.
I have a feeling that seeing it in person could turn any normal human into a zombie or something like that. It may be a voodoo doll of some type with magical abilities. It’s disguised as home decor on etsy for a reason possibly.
December 14, 2011 at 5:53 pm
Love Heart Bear give me nitemair.
December 14, 2011 at 6:23 pm
I’m still working on my “Baron Curtain” joke.
December 14, 2011 at 8:00 pm
SOLD! Be sure to check out my next listing….6 sessions with the shrink for the child you bought this for!
December 14, 2011 at 10:27 pm
Maybe grandma bought it to make him/her feel better? She will hide it in that special drawer in her desk.
December 14, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Sold? I guess it’s true: De gustibus non est disputandum.
(/pedant mode)
December 14, 2011 at 9:49 pm
Oh look it’s Pedo Bear’s cousin, soul sucker bear. That thing is going to give me some wierd nightmares.
December 14, 2011 at 11:18 pm
Racism is that you? It’s me Etsy.
December 15, 2011 at 5:03 pm
There a lot of words to describe this catastrophe, but racist is not one of them. The curtains are brown, so the bear is brown. I bet the seller would be happy to make you a hideous bear for any color curtains you have.
December 15, 2011 at 5:31 am
I was just wondering how to make my curtains look more like a combination of hearts, teddy bears, and minstrel shows.
December 15, 2011 at 9:46 pm
Anybody else getting a distinct golliwogg vibe?