I knew a woman named Fanny and every time someone said her name all I could think was that “I bet a British person would think it was outrageous that she’s named Fanny.”
+21
Unwell Pussy-Catt
December 14, 2011 at 1:23 am
Actually there’s a certain amount of allowance for names – you won’t necessarily be openly ridiculed for being called Fanny (outwith school) – although if I was named Frances, I would choose Fran or just use my full name.
I do know people called Willy, although as I’m in Scotland and it’s usually pronounced Wullie, which has no unfortunate connotations. I have never met anyone called Dick.
+15
Midnight Rambler
December 14, 2011 at 1:55 am
Not to mention the very popular “Fanny Farmer Cookbook”.
+12
Mugsy Doodle
December 14, 2011 at 10:02 am
@Unwell Pussy-Catt, I know a Richard Johnson. Always wanted to call him Dick (and he was a dick, besides), but didn’t. I wondered if his parents knew what they were doing or didn’t and didn’t care.
It’s not as if they named him Sue, but still.
+13
No_no_and_no
December 14, 2011 at 2:39 pm
To a British person, saying fannypack sounds like someone is casually dropping the word “cuntbag” into everyday conversation.
e.g. Elderly woman: “I always wear my cuntbag to WalMart. It’s more convenient than a purse.”
One of the (very few) ways that being British makes life more fun.
My son calls computers pooters/puters. But… he’s two. It’s cute and not at all weird or awkward when he does it. A grown professional? That’s a bit much.
Though, in my neck of the woods, I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say “poorer” (besides the aforementioned toddler crotchfruit), but I have occasionally heard “poot” and “pooted”.
An ex of mine had a dog named Cooter. Yeah. That was really awkward. The ex had never heard “cooter” to mean bajingo even though it is pretty common in this area. I never could call the dog by his name. I always called him Cooper.
I wanted to dig a hole and die in it when Ex’s mother started interrogating me as to why I called him Cooper. “His name is Cooter. Does your hearing problem make Cooter hard for you? COOOO-tteeeeerrr. Not Cooper. He doesn’t make barrels. He’s a dog. He’s Cooter, ya know like, ‘C’mere ya old cooter!’… ”
Yeah. Wanted. to. die.
Yeah, I’m surprised to see so many people going “this is crap” when it’s obviously a joke… In fact, the item is made by a fellow Regretsian. She was a donator for April’s Army, she donated the needle-felted bird-woman.
http://www.tantusinc.com/catalog/Dildos/The-Vamp
Oh God, the description… The first link found the best little tidbit, with the pretty much admitting it’s necrophilia, but this one’s a gem, too:
“But don’t save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch it sparkle.”
Yes everyone,take your dildo outside in public! Show your friends how mature you’ve become with your sparkly Twilight dildo! They’ll be really impressed!
Aren’t you describing that point that a sports coach might start saying “Don’t USE the dildo, BE the dildo!”
Very cerebral performance enrichment stuff we have here.
+7
Annie
December 14, 2011 at 3:06 am
I’m not sure whether to be amused or sickened by the fact that they encourage you to put in the freezer so that you too can know the sensation of having a frosty piece of granite shoved in to your cooter.
It looks like it’s just CALLED the Twilight Sparkle Collection, and doesn’t cause sparkle. What baffles me is the straightening iron that says, “Get Edward’s Texture Style” which is not only awkwardly worded, but is it meant for girls who for some reason want “texture” like Edwards, which they for some reason know of, despite never having pet Robert Pattinson’s head, or is it for boys, which is just a bad investment to begin with? The fact that it’s the only one that mentions texture instead of a style indicates to me it’s meant for girls without boy haircuts. I guess they must’ve used that size iron for him on the set or something? It says they were used on the set… I’ve spent too much time thinking about this…
*Raises hand, waves enthusiatically in Horshack fashion*
That would be me. Lestat was a wuss and I couldn’t get past the first chapter in his (first) book. For a long time I couldn’t figure it out and then one day I had an epiphany that there were two reasons:
1. I disliked Lestat (I was a Louis girl).
2. Really, really bad writing.
I loved “Interview,” but that was the last time I enjoyed her writing. Yes, I tried reading the “Beauty” series. I found myself questioning the practicality of some of the scenes (a girl crawling on her hands and knees across a wide gravel-covered area and not having so much as a scratch? Really?). Even worse, I found myself flipping past the monotonous and mostly uninspiring sex scenes to find a plot. Not much luck. Oh, there were some good “good” scenes, but overall, I was sadly disappointed.
Go ahead, all you Anne Rice fans, thumb-me-down. I don’t care. The woman’s writing is deplorable and insanely overrated.
+83
dorothy
December 13, 2011 at 4:46 pm
I wouldn’t fuck Lestat, but I would fuck Louis. HOW I WOULD FUCK LOUIS.
Lestat can have my tampon, though; we already know he’s into that shit.
I hated all of them with a deep and abiding passion and wanted to slap the lot of them. What miserable unpleasant people. why did I read this book?
Oh right, I was on a car trip. it was that or stare at miles of fields…
I should have stared at the cows.
+16
Park
December 13, 2011 at 4:44 pm
I am only slightly more than slightly ashamed to admit that I’ve read several of those books and, no, Anne Rice’s vampire’s don’t fuck. Bloodsucking is their only happy time. Rice wrote another kind of (sexually) safe vampire. They’ll kill you but you’re hole is always safe with an Anne Rice vampire.
No they dont fuck – directly. The bloodsucking is sex for them. The males penises IS stiff though. Its especially described in Queen of the Damned when the slavegirls wash him, and in tale of the bodythief where hes repulsed by his “soft thingie”
I dont like louis tough, hes a bit of a whiner. Im more into Lestat – or evenn better armand!
+17
Crazymissdaisy
December 13, 2011 at 4:56 pm
No they dont fuck – directly. The bloodsucking is sex for them. The males penises IS stiff though. Its especially described in Queen of the Damned when the slavegirls wash him, and in tale of the bodythief where hes repulsed by his “soft thingie”
I dont like louis tough, hes a bit of a whiner. Im more into Lestat – or evenn better armand! Mmmm Armand
The dishware is safe if you keep it out of the microwave. It’s the component melamine when unscrupulously added to food which is poisonous.
That being said, this is just foul on every level. I suppose we should be delighted that the artist didn’t use her own blood.
Actually Melamine in solid form, such as this cup is not poisonous. Powdered melamine is dangerous when ingested as it clogs the nephrons in your kidneys, causing kidney failure.
You still don’t get those? Well, have you had your first period yet? ‘Cause you’re not supposed to get a red tent party until you have your first menstrual cycle.
I called out a relative who was planning a red tent party and told her it was dumb- you don’t have a party for the first shit a child takes, or the first vomit. Why get all excited over normal bodily functions that leave me and other women hurling over the toilet in agony every month? If you want to throw a party go ahead, no excuse needed and you definitely don’t need to throw in the “wombyn” bullshit.
The relative suggested I was upset because my mother never threw me one. You can imagine how far back me eyes rolled. Sorry for the rant, but I felt it was related.
When it happened to me, my mom taught me what I needed to know for maintenance, gave me a hug and promised it would come out in the laundry, and bought me a box of Godiva chocolates to cheer me up.
But a party? Are you effing serious? I thought I’d heard every humiliating thing women do to each other, but I was wrong!
Ditto almost to the letter, except my mom threw in the “now you’re a woman!”. We both knew it was beyond cheesy, but I think she was just sad because I am her youngest daughter and she wasn’t about to have anymore kids. So I let it slide.
Sometimes I border on feminist but you’re right- some women take it all too far and it becomes embarrassing.
I’m the biggest feminist I know but blood-centered parties and embarrassing events showcasing your daughter’s bodily functions is not my idea of empowerment.
my mom said youve got the stuff(pads ect) you know what to do with it.
+14
Moose
December 13, 2011 at 3:00 pm
My mom cried tears of what I hope wasn’t sadness… it was really awkward
+11
redweasel
December 13, 2011 at 3:38 pm
Yeah, my mom flipped out at me for being embarrassed and upset. That definitely did not go on my list of best days.
+7
Whawhawhatsis
December 13, 2011 at 5:28 pm
My mom just hovered outside the bathroom door and in a stage whisper asked, “Do you have enough….Supplies?” You could HEAR the capital S on “Supplies,” too. I think that was the only time we ever talked about it. I can’t say that bothered me.
My father just tossed me a package of pads–holding it with tip of forefinger and thumb–and said “This is going to happen once every month, wear these so you don’t fuck up your underpants.”
I don’t think my mother noticed for a few months, she always bought in bulk so didn’t notice the supplies were going down faster.
I have never heard of a red tent party before kind of wish I hadn’t.
There’s nothing great about it. Now a menopause party I could go for celebrate never having to double over in pain or rush to the shop (while in pain) because you forgot to buy supplies when you went shopping.
I was visiting Atlanta for a master’s swim meet and stayed with a member of the host team. She lived in a “utopian-like society” where everyone pulled their weight to keep the place sustainable. There was even a rotating chore schedule for EVERYONE.
They had a community center where guests stayed (it reminded me of a dorm) and while I was using the computer in the the rec area, they were preparing a red tent party for one of the girls in the community. It was beyond weird. The table had all blood-red themed things… red daisies, red linen napkins, red cups, etc. I didn’t stick around to see what the hell else they were going to do. All I do know is, if my mom made me suffer through something like a red tent party, I’d probably be lying on a couch somewhere in a psychiatrist’s office, fully medicated.
I had a false alarm one day at school, started cramping pretty hardcore, and I swear I have not ever had cramps as bad since. Dad picked me up from school, and dropped me off at my Mom’s workplace with a bag and a cheeky grin and said “Here, you’re gonna need this. And good luck.”
When I opened the bag, a pair of pajama pants, clean undies and a pad were inside. I didn’t actually start bleeding until two days later when I spent the night babysitting at a friend’s house.
For me it was “Huh, guess you better learn to use a tampon quick if you want to do anything fun this beach trip. Now go watch some more sharks on Discovery channel “
I didn’t tell my mom for 3 months because I didn’t want her to make a fuss. I stole supplies out of her bathroom. One day at the store I grabbed a box and said “Oh I need these.” and walked into another aisle.
I like to think my relationship with my daughter is better, since she came and told me the minute she got hers.
Did she end up holding it anyway? How did the daughter feel about it? I wanna know how that turned out.
To me, I guess it may be an acceptable practice, but in our culture, whether someone wants to call it anti-woman or whatever, it will just embarrass the girl. Perhaps our culture is more closed-minded than a few others out there about sharing/being ashamed of sexually related bodily functions, but I don’t see a huge problem with it being swept under the rug. I wonder if it’s awkward in most cultures if a girl bleeds through or if a guy gets a boner. It’d be nice if that wasn’t the case, I guess. Anyway, if there is a ceremony deeply embedded in a culture and the girl is fine with it, power to them. I think some cultures have boy’s first jizz celebrations… But it may involve an elder jacking him off or something… I’m not sure I’m as comfortable with that one…
She actually did not! It was an aunt (through marriage, so she wasn’t related by blood.. heh) who had divorced my uncle some time prior so my extended family knew she was pretty crazy to begin with because of a bunch of unrelated things. Evidently my uncle sort of talked her out of it- I think my cousin was embarrassed about it but didn’t want to say anything to her mom. She was actually mostly pretty quiet about the whole thing. To me, that’s a sign. If your kid isn’t enthusiastic about a party you’re throwing, they’re either emo or you’re doing something wrong.
Like you mentioned, it’s not embedded in our culture so it would seem awkward. Mind you, this was in a relatively smaller town in the Midwest US so quite a few people just didn’t understand it.
I had an accidental red tent party. I started my period my first time at a family gathering at my grandparents’ house. My grandma let me eat an extra piece of cake because I was feeling so awful, and my mom gave me the necessary present of a new pair of pants and undies.
If anyone tried being all “Congratulations, you’re a woman now!” on me, though, I probably would have punched them. (Well, not my grandma.)
I wonder if these red tent party throwing moms would be as enthusiastic about having a pregnant new-adult-daughter as they are that she CAN now become pregnant.
^Amen to that. I was ELEVEN when I got my first period, so if my mom had told me “you’re a woman now” it would have been ridiculously inappropriate. Instead, she was quite helpful in a practical way. She showed me the best way to rinse blood from underwear, explained how to insert a tampon so it’s comfortable, and suggested a few ways to ease cramps. AND we had a little talk about how I was now impregnable (I already knew the mechanics of it; my parents were very open about that stuff), and how to AVOID pregnancy. Not that I was sexually active in sixth grade; more that my mom generally felt that it’s best to give important knowledge BEFORE it’s needed. I bless her for that attitude to this day.
My mom would laugh her ass off if I told her about red tent parties.
+26
Idahore
December 13, 2011 at 7:15 pm
I would only have that party if non period gifts were involved. I would be pissed if everyone gave me sweats and granny panties.
It looks like it’s made to mock.. I approve of the mockery.. and cringe at the use of a bloody tampon.
Come on people, we all know that the only way to drink your monthly blood bath is in a wine glass with a cheeseboard.
You know how sometimes you have an idea, and you think it is hilarious, and all the friends you tell it to think it is hilarious, and all the hilarity is just so wonderful that you decide you should bring your idea into reality?
When my Grandma died, I inherited a doll that looked JUST LIKE THAT. I now have the urge to check the closet and make sure the little bitch is still sealed safely in her crate rather than looming right behind mFCGTLCf gy;lofdx ghylk……………….
I’m scared that I found myself thinking “Wow, for the cost of the cup, resin, paint, and other supplies, plus the effort put into making it, that’s actually a really good price.”
I JUST “REASONED” A CUP OF BLOODTEA. LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME, ETSY!
The term “ganking” is used quite extensively in online gaming, especially Warcraft, to mean someone killing you repeatedly and usually when there is a huge power discrepancy.
Ever since I was a teenager, I wondered if a human female with a vampire boyfriend would get a lot of oral sex during her period. Then I decided I didn’t want to know. This falls in the ‘didn’t want to know’ category.
Naw, S. Meyer can’t deal with her fans’ squicky shit. When asked about something in the realm of what Edward and Bella did when she was on her period, she said something to the effect of “Eww. That’s gross. i don’t think about that and neither should you.”
When loved ones are far apart they often take comfort by looking at the night sky. The moon they see is the same moon that the object of their affection sees. It brings them closer together.
When Regretsians see a tampon teabag they have the same visceral reaction, no matter the distance between them!
If my kids ever say that I’m embarrassing to them, I’m going to show them this listing. Because you just know this person has kids. Or was a kid. Or is related to a kid.
Just know that there’s someone who is embarrassed to be related to this person… because of this listing.
@Knittygritty
Thanks for telling me what that is– I looked it up and it’s actually a bit fascinating. I would have giggled while watching though.
+6
Snowflakiest
December 13, 2011 at 9:02 pm
My guess was ectoplasm:
“Mina Crandon, known to us as “Margery,” would “become the most versatile psychic every known” (Christopher 1975: 193). She was especially versatile with the ectoplasm. Some of her followers “believed that a mysterious spirit rod extruded from between her legs to produce phenomena” (Christopher 1975: 206). Skeptics suspected the ectoplasm was coming from her vagina (Christopher 1975: 212).”
+9
53raptor
December 14, 2011 at 7:00 pm
The archives of the Society for Psychical Research: a goldmine of ectoplasm exuding from every possible orifice.
I’m on my first period in almost 2 years (pregnancy+breast feeding= yay!). I hate it so much I swear I’m tempted to get pregnant again just to avoid it for another year or two, if that whole pesky “another mouth to feed” wasn’t an issue.
The other side of that coin is not being able to have children. I almost bled to death following the birth of my son, when I was 20. I had to have a hysterectomy. I wanted more children.
That said, it has been killer having only one period my entire married life, and not worrying about birth control, ever. Now that I’m all grown, I wouldn’t change a thing.
Well, except for the almost dying part…
I never asked for this plumbing and I’d be happy without it. I spent too many years of my life incapacitated because of cysts, fibroids, and excruciating pain. That being said, I wouldn’t trade being a woman for all the (bloody melamine cups of) tea in China.
Yeah, well, you can still be a woman without the parts what have cysts, fibroids, etc. You just have to convince a doctor somewhere that your body belongs to you and you should have the option of having the really life-alteringly painful parts removed.
Does NOT work that way for everyone. After my first shot, my periods got twice as long and twice as heavy — with unpredictable gushing. Lost my sex drive. Hung in for one more shot, same thing. Didn’t go back for the third shot. When I read up on it, I found out that this happens in like 20 to 30 percent of women who use Depo. Never again.
Are you just supposed to have this lying around like some collectible porcelain figurine? Because if I walk into someone’s house and they have a fucking cup of fake blood with a name tag attached to it displayed in their window sill or curio cabinet or whatever, I am turning around and walking right back out.
That’s an interesting use of this. It would be effective for minimizing the number of spontaneous visitors. Not that this is an issue for me. Whenever the doorbell rings, it scares the crap out of me. And it’s usually the mailman.
“uberpoisonous melamine?” What an idiot. Melamine is only toxic if you ingest it. (And then its toxicity is on par with table salt.) When melamine is combined with formaldehyde (actually uber-poisonous formaldehyde!), they produces a very stable resin, which has been used tor tableware like that cup for decades. Just don’t grind it up and put it in your dog food.
I always wondered why grandma’s coffee tasted better than coffee served at home. color me nostalgic. Now I want to run out and find some real melamine dinnerware.
WHY????????? I seriously hope that this isn’t someone I know in RL . . . you know, like that chic at the lunch buffet who brings out the new pans of salad . . .
Oh God . . . now I’ll be afraid to eat in public ever again!
Oh…and this almost reminds me of something almost as hideous that I saw at Best Buy–an entire line of SPARKLING Twilight-themed hair care utensils–blow dryers, brushes, flat irons, etc.–that promised to help you look just as sexy as the cast of Twilight.
That means they come with a crew of hairstylists who’ll wash, cut, and style your hair perfectly every single morning. Bummer. I’m a FJL and have only a one-bedroom apartment.
Thats Mrs. Bitch to you
December 13, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Ooooh! I’m having an Etsy epiphany: a fake used tampon and REAL chicken liver clots in a bowl of resin fake blood. I’m going to call it Bowl’a Bella Soup. Mmm, mmm, good!
Not only was I in awe of this (on some twisted level), I went to her facebook page and discovered she’s a Regretsy gal! No joke. http://tinyurl.com/cy37efs
Fun fact: Period “blood” is actually a tissue and usually (depends on the consistency) is not water-soluble.
Also, the idea that anyone would buy this is horrifying. There should be a tracker of some sort on here that alerts the men in white to go get whomever it is that buys this.
I can assure you both that it is quite possible to soak blood back out of a tampon in the manner indicated. You’re welcome. You’re right, you really don’t want to know how I know this.
As someone who’s had periods for over 20 years, I can assure you that while there is some clotty, thicker material in there, there’s plenty of regular blood too. A used tampon soaking in a toilet plus paper from wiping up WILL turn the water red, sometimes immediately if it’s a heavy day.
If you’re willing to wait a few days, I’m willing to provide photographic evidence to support this fact.
I was running off personal experience; my period has the same consistency as mucus and has never turned the water red. I apologize for not having a full range of experience with this sort of thing
Well, I imagine everyone’s different. For me, sometimes it’s fairly thick and holds together, but sometimes it’s just like regular blood. But mine can be pretty heavy (like soaking through a super plus tampon in two hours on the first or second day . . . ugh). So maybe that makes a difference.
Why would you ruin a vintage cup like that? Slap tags like: vintage, 50′s, 60′s, thrift, mod, and collectible on that teacup and sell it for no less than $45 on Etsy.
Oh COME ON. This is a joke listing, guys. The seller is one of our own kind, she was a donator for April’s Army. Remember the needle-felted Kookoo the Bird Woman?
She’s not a Twi-tard, she’s not trying to make a cheap buck… She’s just a sick, twisted, fat jealous loser like the rest of us fuckers.
Sorry if I seem angry, I just hate how so many people jump on the “omg this seller is a poopbag, this listing is horrible just because it’s on regretsy” bandwagon.
If you were to give that, no one would ever ask you to participate again! It would be a way of making sure that you never again have to go through the hell of secret Santa. This wonderful gift or anything dead in a box wrapped with newspaper would work.
At first I thought this was a tea bag done up to look like a tampon. And I thought, oh it must be hibiscus tea, so that when you pour hot water on it, it looks like blood.
So am I less disgusting than the person who came up with what it ACTUALLY is, or MORE?
I once worked with this batshit crazy woman who felt she wasn’t getting enough attention from the roommate she had a crush on.
One of the things she did to get his attention was soak tampons in red wine and leave them around the apartment. I’m not sure what she was trying to achieve, but I guess now we’d call that performance art.
I think it’s hilarious. Besides it is meant to be funny. We remember funny right? I can appreciate this in every way. At least she didn’t have to pull many strings to get featured on here. And at least she has a sense of humor, unlike some people…..
Well, there was an incident where clothes with tanuki fur were being sold as faux fur. In that incident, the item that people wanted was REAL “fake fur”, rather than an imitation, which is fake “fake fur”. To differentiate, you could actually use the words “real fake” in this example.
Someone actually bought it. I want to see where it will be displayed. Hopefully in a prominent place amongst the shrine to Twilight? Do the Twilight weirdies have those?
Sorry to reply to my own reply. I saw this picture a few years back and it scared me so much that someone could have this etched into her flesh forever. I’ve been avoiding Walmart because of the peeps like this:
Wrong, wrong, wrong. Bad wrong, bad bad bad wrong. That is hideously bad wrong.
That person just needs to be sterilized. She could raise babies to think that’s alright and the authorities need to step up and do something…darns it.
0
Mugsy Doodle
December 14, 2011 at 9:59 am
That’s the photo I was thinking of. I can’t imagine why a grown woman would get a tattoo of a 20-something “actor” anywhere, much less his eyes on the back of her neck?
OK, I’ll resist making any “And now her husband INSISTS on the missionary position” or “Now her husband INSISTS on doggy-style.” You’re welcome.
Does she stand with her back to the mirror and a hand mirror so she can see him looking at her? Maybe it talks to her. Some evil tattoos do that, you know.
Oh ye gods, that is the most disgusting thing I’ve seen in a while. Appreciate the humor but damn if it didn’t make me throw up in my mouth just a bit.
…also, is there something wrong with my brain that I wish to take this idea and put it into my own vampire series via some bat-shit crazy vampire or vampire wannabe? I’d do it with my Edward parody character I created but I actually like him and his flamboyantly gay self.
I allllmost puked. And that’s saying something because I did my anthropology clinicals in a morgue assisting in autopsies. Yeah…that’s just fucking nasty.
Now I read the whole thread.
From my perspective, this was somehow … revealing.
The cup was in my opinion very well done and I can kuvittelmemaan in another context, the price would have been € 500-1000.
But this cup, opened the debate, which revealed the cultural divide.
Two weeks ago, I listened to the train, how about a 16-year-old girls talking about menstrual periods, binding, and tampons.
The discussion was constructive, which binding / tampon fits riding, which is suitable for swimming.
This one was shocked that the debate on the same train at the time, a young immigrant men, but others did not seem to be regretted or resented.
Of course, older people do not discuss the subject, but my age and my younger menstruation are somewhat similar to a discussion topic, as the bread and alder spear.
If I were the vampire’s girlfriend
A shot of Depo-Provera would be
Mighty high on my list
of necessary pharma.
I would never wish to drive
My loving leech mad
With monthly blood
Lust.
Oh well,
If he must needs lap at the
Rusty fountain
We will both
Just have to suffer.
December 13, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Oh god, why, why!?
December 13, 2011 at 2:07 pm
It’s been a vampire joke for years, some how it’s even dumber in solid form.
December 13, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Personally, I think it was at its worst in book form. *chucks Memnoch The Devil across room*
December 13, 2011 at 5:39 pm
That scene was sooo wrong.
December 13, 2011 at 7:32 pm
One of my favorite books, but that scene… :: shudders ::
December 13, 2011 at 9:17 pm
That was where I *almost* gave up on the series. It fizzled out for me, though…I just recently got rid of all but the first 4 books.
December 13, 2011 at 2:23 pm
*REEEEETCH*
December 13, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Well, it is a good source of iron.
December 13, 2011 at 1:59 pm
I’d rather eat my Wheaties.
December 13, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Hell, if it worked for Sinatra….
December 13, 2011 at 2:08 pm
wait, did Sinatra eat Wheaties, or suck tampons?
December 13, 2011 at 2:15 pm
He ate his Wheaties before “going to bed”. Now, if Sinatra was a vampire, I’d watch that movie because he’d kick Edward in his sparkling pussy.
December 13, 2011 at 2:20 pm
I’d rather be anemic.
December 14, 2011 at 10:54 am
You know, you’d have to suck on 20 bloody tampons to get the same amount of iron that’s in 1 bowl of Total Cereal…
December 14, 2011 at 2:32 pm
Gack. I love picturing this commercial, though.
December 13, 2011 at 2:10 pm
My great-aunt Leila said,
“Every dude has to lick pussy,
but is a hero,
eats a tampon! “
December 13, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Oooh, another sampler aching to happen! Thanks, Petja, you’re the best!
December 14, 2011 at 7:01 am
I can imagine that Leila, my aunt would be pleased if you would know. Unfortunately, he has been thrown into the wind three years ago.
December 14, 2011 at 9:48 am
She’s in your heart, so she’s not really gone.
December 14, 2011 at 11:35 am
She’s in every breath we take.
Scary thought, when you think about it.
December 14, 2011 at 3:31 pm
A related story, very funny. I think I put it in my book: Curse calendar
Finnish curses, obscenities, and sobriquets. Every Day of the Year.
December 13, 2011 at 2:13 pm
You know, that may be good for SOME, but it’s really not my cuppa tea…
December 13, 2011 at 8:46 pm
It’s put me right off a cup of tea.
December 13, 2011 at 2:19 pm
I’d rather eat nails.
December 13, 2011 at 2:22 pm
I’d rather drink a Guinness!
December 13, 2011 at 2:43 pm
this personis also a regretsy reader
December 13, 2011 at 3:36 pm
And irony sells really well on Etsy.
December 13, 2011 at 3:58 pm
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE
no punctuation, you forgot the period
December 13, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Forgot the… period.
[chuckle!]
December 13, 2011 at 8:39 pm
I see what you didn’t do there.
December 13, 2011 at 8:41 pm
Helen, I’d rather just have a steak honestly. Real vampires don’t sparkle.
December 13, 2011 at 10:34 pm
I’d rather hit myself in the face with an iron.
December 13, 2011 at 1:59 pm
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December 13, 2011 at 1:59 pm
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December 13, 2011 at 1:59 pm
I guess we can take comfort that at least this one is fake blood. Some Etsians aren’t above pulling resources from their own pooters.
December 13, 2011 at 2:00 pm
you deserve many many thumbs up for the use of the word ‘pooter’
December 13, 2011 at 2:07 pm
I always thought a pooter was a bottom, or even what comes out of the bottom in a gaseous form.
December 13, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Is this like how the British use “fanny” as opposed to how we use “fanny”?
December 13, 2011 at 7:40 pm
As a Brit, let me assure you, nothing is funnier to many of us than hearing fanny used, what we consider to be, completely inappropriately!
December 13, 2011 at 9:46 pm
I knew a woman named Fanny and every time someone said her name all I could think was that “I bet a British person would think it was outrageous that she’s named Fanny.”
December 14, 2011 at 1:23 am
Actually there’s a certain amount of allowance for names – you won’t necessarily be openly ridiculed for being called Fanny (outwith school) – although if I was named Frances, I would choose Fran or just use my full name.
I do know people called Willy, although as I’m in Scotland and it’s usually pronounced Wullie, which has no unfortunate connotations. I have never met anyone called Dick.
December 14, 2011 at 1:55 am
Not to mention the very popular “Fanny Farmer Cookbook”.
December 14, 2011 at 10:02 am
@Unwell Pussy-Catt, I know a Richard Johnson. Always wanted to call him Dick (and he was a dick, besides), but didn’t. I wondered if his parents knew what they were doing or didn’t and didn’t care.
It’s not as if they named him Sue, but still.
December 14, 2011 at 2:39 pm
To a British person, saying fannypack sounds like someone is casually dropping the word “cuntbag” into everyday conversation.
e.g. Elderly woman: “I always wear my cuntbag to WalMart. It’s more convenient than a purse.”
One of the (very few) ways that being British makes life more fun.
December 13, 2011 at 2:51 pm
I think you mean “tooter”.
December 13, 2011 at 3:02 pm
I thought it was cooter for your snatch and pooter for your crapper? Lol, maybe they stuck the tampon in the wrong hole. >.<
December 13, 2011 at 3:32 pm
Looks like Urbandictionary is debating, too:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pooter
December 13, 2011 at 8:42 pm
it is, just like a bajingo is called a cooter.
December 14, 2011 at 10:25 am
December 13, 2011 at 9:50 pm
Last year my beautiful new laptop had a problem so I had to take her (yes, her) in for a week.
When I told the cute nerdy guy in my theatre class he said “Aww, what happened to your pooter?” meaning computer.
It was really awkward.
December 14, 2011 at 3:00 am
My son calls computers pooters/puters. But… he’s two. It’s cute and not at all weird or awkward when he does it. A grown professional? That’s a bit much.
Though, in my neck of the woods, I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say “poorer” (besides the aforementioned toddler crotchfruit), but I have occasionally heard “poot” and “pooted”.
An ex of mine had a dog named Cooter. Yeah. That was really awkward. The ex had never heard “cooter” to mean bajingo even though it is pretty common in this area. I never could call the dog by his name. I always called him Cooper.
I wanted to dig a hole and die in it when Ex’s mother started interrogating me as to why I called him Cooper. “His name is Cooter. Does your hearing problem make Cooter hard for you? COOOO-tteeeeerrr. Not Cooper. He doesn’t make barrels. He’s a dog. He’s Cooter, ya know like, ‘C’mere ya old cooter!’… ”
Yeah. Wanted. to. die.
December 14, 2011 at 10:34 am
uhg! pooter* Damn auto-correct.
December 14, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Best dog story of the week!
December 14, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Pooters are small plastic aspirators* biologists (e.g. me, at college) use to catch insects in the field.
http://www.watdon.co.uk/the-naturalists/acatalog/Pooters.html
*Yes, I said ass. i know…
December 13, 2011 at 1:59 pm
I’ll stick to the coffee thanks
December 13, 2011 at 1:59 pm
I can give you a used tampon for free. Merry fuckin christmas
December 13, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Too grossed out to say anything remotely witty.
December 13, 2011 at 2:20 pm
^this
December 14, 2011 at 8:31 am
^yup
December 13, 2011 at 1:59 pm
o.O tell me people aren’t actually buying this crap?
December 13, 2011 at 2:10 pm
No! They’re not buying crap! They’re buying fake blood! From a fake person! In a fake, abusive relationship!
Don’t you feel better?
December 13, 2011 at 2:20 pm
Alllll kinds of warm and fuzzy. God help those of us who can’t afford this.
December 13, 2011 at 8:25 pm
I briefly considered buying it.
December 13, 2011 at 1:59 pm
And this is clearly made to make fun of twitardz (not that its particuarly hard to do so…..)
Whos going to put this on Stephanie meyers FB?
December 13, 2011 at 4:21 pm
Yeah, I’m surprised to see so many people going “this is crap” when it’s obviously a joke… In fact, the item is made by a fellow Regretsian. She was a donator for April’s Army, she donated the needle-felted bird-woman.
December 13, 2011 at 4:28 pm
I for one thought it was hilarious.
December 13, 2011 at 5:10 pm
I loved this, and if she can make any money off those fucking Twi-tards, more power to her. I loved that bird woman too.
December 14, 2011 at 9:48 am
Once I got past the shock value and realized that fact, I was able to breathe a bit easier.
Still. EWWWW.
December 13, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Shouldn’t there be glitter somewhere in this picture?
December 13, 2011 at 2:09 pm
NEEDS MORE GLITTER!
December 13, 2011 at 2:23 pm
‘Went to the store today– you can buy Twilight Glitter Curling Irons. I’m sure they deposit sparkles on your scalp as you scorch your hair!
December 13, 2011 at 4:19 pm
Somewhere (and I can’t, won’t, go looking for it), I’ve seen Twilight glitter dildos for sale. Yes, you can glitter from one end to the other!
December 13, 2011 at 4:34 pm
I took the liberty of doing it for you.
http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/08/battle_of_the_insanely_awful_twilight_merchandise.php
http://www.tantusinc.com/catalog/Dildos/The-Vamp
Oh God, the description… The first link found the best little tidbit, with the pretty much admitting it’s necrophilia, but this one’s a gem, too:
“But don’t save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch it sparkle.”
Yes everyone,take your dildo outside in public! Show your friends how mature you’ve become with your sparkly Twilight dildo! They’ll be really impressed!
December 13, 2011 at 6:15 pm
Aren’t you describing that point that a sports coach might start saying “Don’t USE the dildo, BE the dildo!”
Very cerebral performance enrichment stuff we have here.
December 14, 2011 at 3:06 am
I’m not sure whether to be amused or sickened by the fact that they encourage you to put in the freezer so that you too can know the sensation of having a frosty piece of granite shoved in to your cooter.
December 14, 2011 at 9:15 am
a frosty piece of sparkling granite, that is!
December 13, 2011 at 4:26 pm
http://www.meijer.com/content/content.jsp?pageName=Twilight
It looks like it’s just CALLED the Twilight Sparkle Collection, and doesn’t cause sparkle. What baffles me is the straightening iron that says, “Get Edward’s Texture Style” which is not only awkwardly worded, but is it meant for girls who for some reason want “texture” like Edwards, which they for some reason know of, despite never having pet Robert Pattinson’s head, or is it for boys, which is just a bad investment to begin with? The fact that it’s the only one that mentions texture instead of a style indicates to me it’s meant for girls without boy haircuts. I guess they must’ve used that size iron for him on the set or something? It says they were used on the set… I’ve spent too much time thinking about this…
December 14, 2011 at 2:04 pm
But Twilight Sparkle is a My Little Pony character…that is even more disturbing.
December 17, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Meijer ad last week or so suggested it as a good gift idea, but they definitely didn’t specify for which gender…
December 13, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Um…like, melamine is um, uber-poisonous. So, um, like, why would Edward be drinking out of that? Now this whole thing makes like no sense.
December 13, 2011 at 2:03 pm
The idea of a vampire getting a boner makes no sense either.
December 13, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Clearly you never read Anne Rice – her Vampires all have boners- permanently! I like to think of it as deathstiffnes
December 13, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Lower region flesh zombies?
December 13, 2011 at 2:24 pm
Anne Rice actually made sexy vampires. Who wouldn’t fuck Lestat?
December 13, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Pretty sure my husband would fuck Lestat.
And I’d be jealous
December 13, 2011 at 4:24 pm
*Raises hand, waves enthusiatically in Horshack fashion*
That would be me. Lestat was a wuss and I couldn’t get past the first chapter in his (first) book. For a long time I couldn’t figure it out and then one day I had an epiphany that there were two reasons:
1. I disliked Lestat (I was a Louis girl).
2. Really, really bad writing.
I loved “Interview,” but that was the last time I enjoyed her writing. Yes, I tried reading the “Beauty” series. I found myself questioning the practicality of some of the scenes (a girl crawling on her hands and knees across a wide gravel-covered area and not having so much as a scratch? Really?). Even worse, I found myself flipping past the monotonous and mostly uninspiring sex scenes to find a plot. Not much luck. Oh, there were some good “good” scenes, but overall, I was sadly disappointed.
Go ahead, all you Anne Rice fans, thumb-me-down. I don’t care. The woman’s writing is deplorable and insanely overrated.
December 13, 2011 at 4:46 pm
I wouldn’t fuck Lestat, but I would fuck Louis. HOW I WOULD FUCK LOUIS.
Lestat can have my tampon, though; we already know he’s into that shit.
December 13, 2011 at 9:39 pm
I hated all of them with a deep and abiding passion and wanted to slap the lot of them. What miserable unpleasant people. why did I read this book?
Oh right, I was on a car trip. it was that or stare at miles of fields…
I should have stared at the cows.
December 13, 2011 at 4:44 pm
I am only slightly more than slightly ashamed to admit that I’ve read several of those books and, no, Anne Rice’s vampire’s don’t fuck. Bloodsucking is their only happy time. Rice wrote another kind of (sexually) safe vampire. They’ll kill you but you’re hole is always safe with an Anne Rice vampire.
But at least they’re not sparkly.
December 13, 2011 at 4:54 pm
No they dont fuck – directly. The bloodsucking is sex for them. The males penises IS stiff though. Its especially described in Queen of the Damned when the slavegirls wash him, and in tale of the bodythief where hes repulsed by his “soft thingie”
I dont like louis tough, hes a bit of a whiner. Im more into Lestat – or evenn better armand!
December 13, 2011 at 4:56 pm
No they dont fuck – directly. The bloodsucking is sex for them. The males penises IS stiff though. Its especially described in Queen of the Damned when the slavegirls wash him, and in tale of the bodythief where hes repulsed by his “soft thingie”
I dont like louis tough, hes a bit of a whiner. Im more into Lestat – or evenn better armand! Mmmm Armand
December 14, 2011 at 1:36 pm
Crazymissdaisy, I’m afraid you will have to fight me for Armand ¬_¬ Bareknuckle, no fucking Marquess of Queensbury rules ¬_¬ XD
December 15, 2011 at 5:38 am
I’m going to go ahead and assume you mean Banderas, not the 15 year old Russian boy from the books.
December 13, 2011 at 2:21 pm
The dishware is safe if you keep it out of the microwave. It’s the component melamine when unscrupulously added to food which is poisonous.
That being said, this is just foul on every level. I suppose we should be delighted that the artist didn’t use her own blood.
December 13, 2011 at 3:27 pm
Unless she used all of it.
December 13, 2011 at 4:34 pm
I read that as “the dishwasher is safe if you keep it out of the microwave” and I thought:
a) They’re making a clever comment about dishwasher-safe versus microwave safe.
b) I should have no problem doing that.
December 13, 2011 at 10:53 pm
Actually Melamine in solid form, such as this cup is not poisonous. Powdered melamine is dangerous when ingested as it clogs the nephrons in your kidneys, causing kidney failure.
December 13, 2011 at 2:01 pm
At least it’s not the über-poisonous melamine and just your garden-variety poisonous melamine.
December 13, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Perfect gift for a red tent party?
December 13, 2011 at 2:10 pm
uhhhh, I still don’t get those
December 13, 2011 at 4:26 pm
You still don’t get those? Well, have you had your first period yet? ‘Cause you’re not supposed to get a red tent party until you have your first menstrual cycle.
December 13, 2011 at 6:52 pm
This reminds me of the time I accidentally walked into the preparations for one. WTF???? was all I could think.
December 13, 2011 at 2:11 pm
No. Because it’s not the real, precious blood of the womb.
God, I hate myself for typing that.
December 13, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Thanks for taking one for the team, though.
December 13, 2011 at 2:16 pm
I’m just happy to help.
December 13, 2011 at 2:15 pm
I called out a relative who was planning a red tent party and told her it was dumb- you don’t have a party for the first shit a child takes, or the first vomit. Why get all excited over normal bodily functions that leave me and other women hurling over the toilet in agony every month? If you want to throw a party go ahead, no excuse needed and you definitely don’t need to throw in the “wombyn” bullshit.
The relative suggested I was upset because my mother never threw me one. You can imagine how far back me eyes rolled. Sorry for the rant, but I felt it was related.
December 13, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Whatever happened to Sweet Sixteen parties?
December 13, 2011 at 2:39 pm
But how can you squeeze in the “wombyn uniting” and kumbaya singing in that? Also, not enough blood.
December 13, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Yes! I’d so rather have 16 sugar cubes than 16 tampons!
December 13, 2011 at 4:21 pm
Oh god, now I have the ending scene of Sixteen Candles in my head with them kissing over a cup o’ Belle’s blood.
December 13, 2011 at 2:23 pm
When it happened to me, my mom taught me what I needed to know for maintenance, gave me a hug and promised it would come out in the laundry, and bought me a box of Godiva chocolates to cheer me up.
But a party? Are you effing serious? I thought I’d heard every humiliating thing women do to each other, but I was wrong!
December 13, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Ditto almost to the letter, except my mom threw in the “now you’re a woman!”. We both knew it was beyond cheesy, but I think she was just sad because I am her youngest daughter and she wasn’t about to have anymore kids. So I let it slide.
Sometimes I border on feminist but you’re right- some women take it all too far and it becomes embarrassing.
December 14, 2011 at 12:48 pm
I’m the biggest feminist I know but blood-centered parties and embarrassing events showcasing your daughter’s bodily functions is not my idea of empowerment.
December 13, 2011 at 2:43 pm
I love you mom. I just got the hug. Now I feel jipped.
December 13, 2011 at 2:51 pm
my mom said youve got the stuff(pads ect) you know what to do with it.
December 13, 2011 at 3:00 pm
My mom cried tears of what I hope wasn’t sadness… it was really awkward
December 13, 2011 at 3:38 pm
Yeah, my mom flipped out at me for being embarrassed and upset. That definitely did not go on my list of best days.
December 13, 2011 at 5:28 pm
My mom just hovered outside the bathroom door and in a stage whisper asked, “Do you have enough….Supplies?” You could HEAR the capital S on “Supplies,” too. I think that was the only time we ever talked about it. I can’t say that bothered me.
December 14, 2011 at 12:13 am
My father just tossed me a package of pads–holding it with tip of forefinger and thumb–and said “This is going to happen once every month, wear these so you don’t fuck up your underpants.”
December 14, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Luckily, I’d read Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret before it happened to me, so I was prepared. I felt special…for about a day.
December 13, 2011 at 3:58 pm
I don’t think my mother noticed for a few months, she always bought in bulk so didn’t notice the supplies were going down faster.
I have never heard of a red tent party before kind of wish I hadn’t.
There’s nothing great about it. Now a menopause party I could go for celebrate never having to double over in pain or rush to the shop (while in pain) because you forgot to buy supplies when you went shopping.
December 13, 2011 at 6:59 pm
I was visiting Atlanta for a master’s swim meet and stayed with a member of the host team. She lived in a “utopian-like society” where everyone pulled their weight to keep the place sustainable. There was even a rotating chore schedule for EVERYONE.
They had a community center where guests stayed (it reminded me of a dorm) and while I was using the computer in the the rec area, they were preparing a red tent party for one of the girls in the community. It was beyond weird. The table had all blood-red themed things… red daisies, red linen napkins, red cups, etc. I didn’t stick around to see what the hell else they were going to do. All I do know is, if my mom made me suffer through something like a red tent party, I’d probably be lying on a couch somewhere in a psychiatrist’s office, fully medicated.
December 13, 2011 at 11:08 pm
I had a false alarm one day at school, started cramping pretty hardcore, and I swear I have not ever had cramps as bad since. Dad picked me up from school, and dropped me off at my Mom’s workplace with a bag and a cheeky grin and said “Here, you’re gonna need this. And good luck.”
When I opened the bag, a pair of pajama pants, clean undies and a pad were inside. I didn’t actually start bleeding until two days later when I spent the night babysitting at a friend’s house.
December 13, 2011 at 11:16 pm
For me it was “Huh, guess you better learn to use a tampon quick if you want to do anything fun this beach trip. Now go watch some more sharks on Discovery channel “
December 13, 2011 at 3:05 pm
My mom didn’t believe me when I got my period and told me I had just crapped my pants. I had to beg for supplies from a neighbor.
But later my Dad got me flowers. ^_^
A red tent party sounds too intense. To be honest in my head it was “red tent party”== “red light district” and I was confused.
December 13, 2011 at 4:01 pm
I didn’t tell my mom for 3 months because I didn’t want her to make a fuss. I stole supplies out of her bathroom. One day at the store I grabbed a box and said “Oh I need these.” and walked into another aisle.
I like to think my relationship with my daughter is better, since she came and told me the minute she got hers.
December 13, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Your dad was sweet to do that.
December 13, 2011 at 7:43 pm
Kind of glad to know that I’m not the only who got that response from their mother.
December 13, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Did she end up holding it anyway? How did the daughter feel about it? I wanna know how that turned out.
To me, I guess it may be an acceptable practice, but in our culture, whether someone wants to call it anti-woman or whatever, it will just embarrass the girl. Perhaps our culture is more closed-minded than a few others out there about sharing/being ashamed of sexually related bodily functions, but I don’t see a huge problem with it being swept under the rug. I wonder if it’s awkward in most cultures if a girl bleeds through or if a guy gets a boner. It’d be nice if that wasn’t the case, I guess. Anyway, if there is a ceremony deeply embedded in a culture and the girl is fine with it, power to them. I think some cultures have boy’s first jizz celebrations… But it may involve an elder jacking him off or something… I’m not sure I’m as comfortable with that one…
So says the sociology/anthropology major!
December 13, 2011 at 5:42 pm
She actually did not! It was an aunt (through marriage, so she wasn’t related by blood.. heh) who had divorced my uncle some time prior so my extended family knew she was pretty crazy to begin with because of a bunch of unrelated things. Evidently my uncle sort of talked her out of it- I think my cousin was embarrassed about it but didn’t want to say anything to her mom. She was actually mostly pretty quiet about the whole thing. To me, that’s a sign. If your kid isn’t enthusiastic about a party you’re throwing, they’re either emo or you’re doing something wrong.
Like you mentioned, it’s not embedded in our culture so it would seem awkward. Mind you, this was in a relatively smaller town in the Midwest US so quite a few people just didn’t understand it.
December 13, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Thank God for that!
December 13, 2011 at 6:46 pm
I had an accidental red tent party. I started my period my first time at a family gathering at my grandparents’ house. My grandma let me eat an extra piece of cake because I was feeling so awful, and my mom gave me the necessary present of a new pair of pants and undies.
If anyone tried being all “Congratulations, you’re a woman now!” on me, though, I probably would have punched them. (Well, not my grandma.)
December 13, 2011 at 8:48 pm
I wonder if these red tent party throwing moms would be as enthusiastic about having a pregnant new-adult-daughter as they are that she CAN now become pregnant.
December 14, 2011 at 8:46 am
^Amen to that. I was ELEVEN when I got my first period, so if my mom had told me “you’re a woman now” it would have been ridiculously inappropriate. Instead, she was quite helpful in a practical way. She showed me the best way to rinse blood from underwear, explained how to insert a tampon so it’s comfortable, and suggested a few ways to ease cramps. AND we had a little talk about how I was now impregnable (I already knew the mechanics of it; my parents were very open about that stuff), and how to AVOID pregnancy. Not that I was sexually active in sixth grade; more that my mom generally felt that it’s best to give important knowledge BEFORE it’s needed. I bless her for that attitude to this day.
My mom would laugh her ass off if I told her about red tent parties.
December 13, 2011 at 7:15 pm
I would only have that party if non period gifts were involved. I would be pissed if everyone gave me sweats and granny panties.
December 13, 2011 at 4:09 pm
Is it too late to return my womanhood-card? I just don’t think I’m getting the service I signed for in my contract…
December 13, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Uh-oh, sounds as if you didn’t purchase the deluxe contract.
December 14, 2011 at 11:38 am
[This comment is visible only to Deluxe Wombyns.]
December 13, 2011 at 2:02 pm
It looks like it’s made to mock.. I approve of the mockery.. and cringe at the use of a bloody tampon.
Come on people, we all know that the only way to drink your monthly blood bath is in a wine glass with a cheeseboard.
December 13, 2011 at 2:45 pm
I thought the same thing since it’s “fake” this and “fake” that. Also, it’s under the “Yes I Went There” category which lists two items– teacups.
December 13, 2011 at 3:25 pm
For some reason, I read “cheeseboard” as “cheesegrater” and thought MOAR BLOOD!!!!!1!
December 13, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Soooo, you think it would have been more effective in a wine glass then??? At least you could fully appreciate the colour I suppose o.O
December 13, 2011 at 2:02 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wf6DpIKgtJ0#t=4m20s
Straight out of Ghost World.
It must be art.
December 13, 2011 at 2:10 pm
oh! yah beat me to it!
December 13, 2011 at 2:57 pm
That was my first thought…someone’s seen GHOST WORLD!
December 14, 2011 at 7:05 pm
Exactly what I thought. I wonder if we can find Mirror Father Mirror on Etsy as well…
December 13, 2011 at 2:02 pm
You know how sometimes you have an idea, and you think it is hilarious, and all the friends you tell it to think it is hilarious, and all the hilarity is just so wonderful that you decide you should bring your idea into reality?
Sometimes you shouldn’t.
December 13, 2011 at 2:22 pm
If she wasn’t using all that “uber-poisonous melamine” without proper ventilation she might not have found it so hilarious.
This, however, is hilarious:
If it was under $30 I would totally buy that, it’d look great on my desk at work.
December 13, 2011 at 2:26 pm
I know someone who would love me forever if I got it for him.
December 13, 2011 at 2:48 pm
You should read the shop details. This is apparently her shtick, and it’s on sale for the holidays.
December 13, 2011 at 9:24 pm
When my Grandma died, I inherited a doll that looked JUST LIKE THAT. I now have the urge to check the closet and make sure the little bitch is still sealed safely in her crate rather than looming right behind mFCGTLCf gy;lofdx ghylk……………….
December 13, 2011 at 2:03 pm
I’m scared that I found myself thinking “Wow, for the cost of the cup, resin, paint, and other supplies, plus the effort put into making it, that’s actually a really good price.”
I JUST “REASONED” A CUP OF BLOODTEA. LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME, ETSY!
must go self-flagellate….
December 13, 2011 at 2:16 pm
Read her shop announcement. She just lowered her prices so more people can afford to purchase & be “amazed and horrified”!!
December 13, 2011 at 2:03 pm
All I could think was “who labels the ends of their tampons?” I think my brain shut down.
December 13, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Ganking used cooterplugs from other girls doesn’t seem like such a big step considering how creepy/controlling he was…
December 13, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Ganking used cooterplugs from other girls doesn’t seem like such a big step considering how creepy/controlling he was…
December 13, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Oh. My computer must have really liked that comment. Apologies.
December 13, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Your computer has good taste. Well, in a manner of speaking. We are on Regretsy, commenting on a “bloody tampon” in a resin-filled cup.
December 13, 2011 at 11:07 pm
“Ganking cooterplugs” is an epic term
December 14, 2011 at 2:09 pm
It’s also a good name for a band.
December 14, 2011 at 8:49 am
I love you for your use of the term “ganking.” I haven’t heard anyone say that in at least a decade. It needs to make a comeback.
December 14, 2011 at 2:39 pm
Watch Supernatural. It’s what you do to demons.
December 14, 2011 at 8:28 pm
The term “ganking” is used quite extensively in online gaming, especially Warcraft, to mean someone killing you repeatedly and usually when there is a huge power discrepancy.
December 13, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Clearly it’s labeled because he has girls on the side, and keeps them marked so he can choose his beverage accordingly.
December 13, 2011 at 4:31 pm
It’s labelled because some might mistake it as Edward’s.
December 13, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Is it wrong that I actually find this kind of funny?
December 13, 2011 at 8:53 pm
It would be wrong if you didn’t!
December 13, 2011 at 2:03 pm
I was grossed out when I thought this was just a picture, then it mentioned resin.
No, just no.
December 13, 2011 at 2:03 pm
^Jurassica beat me to it.
December 13, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 13, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Too late.
December 13, 2011 at 2:04 pm
“Uber-poisonous” makes me want to bortch
December 13, 2011 at 2:08 pm
December 13, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Mr. Yuk, FTW!!
I grew up with this guy…who I would much rather grow up with than any of those Twilight blowhards.
December 13, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Ever since I was a teenager, I wondered if a human female with a vampire boyfriend would get a lot of oral sex during her period. Then I decided I didn’t want to know. This falls in the ‘didn’t want to know’ category.
December 13, 2011 at 2:25 pm
If you read Anne Rice, you would already know the answer to that question.
December 13, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Bad joke moment: Know what the vampire said to the teacher? See you next period.
*drum rimshot*
December 13, 2011 at 2:05 pm
I wonder what Stephenie Meyer thinks about her fans that do this. LOOK WHAT YOU’VE CREATED, STEPHENIE! LOOK AT IT.
December 13, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Naw, S. Meyer can’t deal with her fans’ squicky shit. When asked about something in the realm of what Edward and Bella did when she was on her period, she said something to the effect of “Eww. That’s gross. i don’t think about that and neither should you.”
December 13, 2011 at 7:41 pm
Somebody should buy this for Stephanie Meyer.
December 13, 2011 at 8:41 pm
It could be a major award.
December 13, 2011 at 8:51 pm
Fra gi lay, must be Italian
December 13, 2011 at 2:05 pm
My face is frozen in disgusted shock.
December 13, 2011 at 2:06 pm
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December 13, 2011 at 2:56 pm
Thumbs up for simultaneous vomiting.
When loved ones are far apart they often take comfort by looking at the night sky. The moon they see is the same moon that the object of their affection sees. It brings them closer together.
When Regretsians see a tampon teabag they have the same visceral reaction, no matter the distance between them!
December 13, 2011 at 2:06 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 13, 2011 at 7:41 pm
I don’t think “lost for words” means what you think it means.
December 14, 2011 at 9:55 am
OK, new kids? Mentioning throwing up in your mouth, ‘case you haven’t picked up on this yet, is a one-way ticket to Thumbsdownia.
December 13, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Gives “coffee, tea or me” a whole new meaning.
December 13, 2011 at 2:08 pm
If my kids ever say that I’m embarrassing to them, I’m going to show them this listing. Because you just know this person has kids. Or was a kid. Or is related to a kid.
Just know that there’s someone who is embarrassed to be related to this person… because of this listing.
December 13, 2011 at 2:08 pm
“It’s a tampon in a teacup”
STOLEN from the movie ‘Ghost world’!
December 13, 2011 at 2:14 pm
No. No. Absolutely not. Nobody else has ever done anything this stupid. I refuse to believe it. NO.
December 13, 2011 at 2:55 pm
December 13, 2011 at 3:04 pm
Cunt, what the shit?!
December 13, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Carolee Schneeman’s “Interior Scroll” – Performance Art.
There is a long tradition of this.
December 13, 2011 at 3:27 pm
…A long, unhygienic tradition.
December 13, 2011 at 3:32 pm
@Knittygritty
Thanks for telling me what that is– I looked it up and it’s actually a bit fascinating. I would have giggled while watching though.
December 13, 2011 at 9:02 pm
My guess was ectoplasm:
“Mina Crandon, known to us as “Margery,” would “become the most versatile psychic every known” (Christopher 1975: 193). She was especially versatile with the ectoplasm. Some of her followers “believed that a mysterious spirit rod extruded from between her legs to produce phenomena” (Christopher 1975: 206). Skeptics suspected the ectoplasm was coming from her vagina (Christopher 1975: 212).”
December 14, 2011 at 7:00 pm
The archives of the Society for Psychical Research: a goldmine of ectoplasm exuding from every possible orifice.
December 13, 2011 at 4:02 pm
NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.
December 13, 2011 at 7:47 pm
It’s a vagina, get over … whoa, is that a FRICKING TAPEWORM?
*Glurgh*
December 14, 2011 at 8:53 am
I thought it kinda looked like she was pulling her innards out through her vagoo.
still *glurgh*
December 14, 2011 at 2:04 pm
@stephsparkle
I’m here for to supply all of your uncomfortable vaginal questions with disquieting images. No need to thank me, I’m just a humble BFA.
December 13, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Would you like a biscuit with your Chamomenstral Tea?
December 13, 2011 at 8:57 pm
Yes, please. Many, many biscuits.
December 13, 2011 at 10:16 pm
Perhaps a bit of clotted cream?
December 13, 2011 at 2:09 pm
What the fucking fuck. Is there really a market for this kind of thing?
…Wait. No. Don’t answer. My brain just absorbed a major attack on my sanity, I don’t think I can take another so soon.
December 13, 2011 at 2:09 pm
It’s not only gross, but I don’t even get the “why Edward really blah blah…” joke. Maybe I should be relieved that I don’t get this person’s humor.
December 13, 2011 at 2:09 pm
I’m on my period right now. You think if I filled a few teabags I could make a quick twenty bucks? And then fucking kill myself?
December 13, 2011 at 2:12 pm
doesn’t hurt to try, maybe instead you should paint a picture of Edward with your menstrual blood, you could get a couple hundred that way.
December 13, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Now that’s an idea! Off to the art store!
December 13, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Don’t forget the glitter.
December 13, 2011 at 2:19 pm
I’m on my first period in almost 2 years (pregnancy+breast feeding= yay!). I hate it so much I swear I’m tempted to get pregnant again just to avoid it for another year or two, if that whole pesky “another mouth to feed” wasn’t an issue.
December 13, 2011 at 2:53 pm
I would gladly remove my uterus with a rusty spork given half a chance of not dying from it. I feel you.
December 13, 2011 at 3:50 pm
The other side of that coin is not being able to have children. I almost bled to death following the birth of my son, when I was 20. I had to have a hysterectomy. I wanted more children.
That said, it has been killer having only one period my entire married life, and not worrying about birth control, ever. Now that I’m all grown, I wouldn’t change a thing.
Well, except for the almost dying part…
December 13, 2011 at 7:41 pm
I have always thought ovaries should be optional equipment
December 13, 2011 at 10:19 pm
I never asked for this plumbing and I’d be happy without it. I spent too many years of my life incapacitated because of cysts, fibroids, and excruciating pain. That being said, I wouldn’t trade being a woman for all the (bloody melamine cups of) tea in China.
December 14, 2011 at 9:58 am
Yeah, well, you can still be a woman without the parts what have cysts, fibroids, etc. You just have to convince a doctor somewhere that your body belongs to you and you should have the option of having the really life-alteringly painful parts removed.
December 13, 2011 at 9:29 pm
No need for another hellspawn…Depo-Provera!
December 14, 2011 at 6:33 am
Does NOT work that way for everyone. After my first shot, my periods got twice as long and twice as heavy — with unpredictable gushing. Lost my sex drive. Hung in for one more shot, same thing. Didn’t go back for the third shot. When I read up on it, I found out that this happens in like 20 to 30 percent of women who use Depo. Never again.
December 13, 2011 at 11:18 pm
I’ve nothing but a few extremely light periods during the past 7 years thanks to Mirena.
December 14, 2011 at 8:54 am
Mirena FTW!
December 13, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Wait wait wait. The vampire eats her tampon in Twilight???
December 13, 2011 at 2:32 pm
It was a minor detail they left out in the movies. And the books.
December 13, 2011 at 3:18 pm
What’s sad is that, given the things that do happen in those books, a sparkly vampire eating a tampon isn’t outside the realm of possibility.
December 14, 2011 at 7:03 am
Exactly what I was thinking. Someone told me her baby eats her uterus so I was like, I guess this makes sense.
December 13, 2011 at 4:33 pm
But alive and well in fan fiction!
December 13, 2011 at 2:13 pm
My boyfriend insisted to see what I was dry-heaving about, “oh my god is that real blood?? no, its gotta be a roobis or something!”
December 13, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Five points to him for knowing his teas. If only it was roobis.
December 13, 2011 at 2:16 pm
It’s quite a funny take on twitards. Come on, people.
December 13, 2011 at 2:16 pm
EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE!!!!!
December 13, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Oh, no, you’ve broken the code! Now everyone will know!
December 13, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Are you just supposed to have this lying around like some collectible porcelain figurine? Because if I walk into someone’s house and they have a fucking cup of fake blood with a name tag attached to it displayed in their window sill or curio cabinet or whatever, I am turning around and walking right back out.
December 13, 2011 at 2:48 pm
I’m not sure if this is better or worse than a curio full of Precious Moment figurines. Because Precious Moments figurines are creepy as shit.
http://thestamfordwife.blogspot.com/2008/07/bad-and-ugly.html (Second pic down)
I should also mention I have been to the chapel for those horrid little creatures and am still scarred from the experience.
December 13, 2011 at 7:43 pm
No you’re supposed to have it on the tray with the “normal” tea and just leave it on the table when you’re serving.
December 13, 2011 at 9:04 pm
That’s an interesting use of this. It would be effective for minimizing the number of spontaneous visitors. Not that this is an issue for me. Whenever the doorbell rings, it scares the crap out of me. And it’s usually the mailman.
December 13, 2011 at 2:24 pm
Personally, I thought it was a pork tenderloin in a cup when I first saw it. For some reason though, I’m no longer hungry!
December 13, 2011 at 2:24 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 13, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Hey…at least the cups vintage…this isn’t any old shit they are peddling!
December 13, 2011 at 4:57 pm
‘Course not. This is old blood – the old shit’s in another listing!
December 13, 2011 at 2:27 pm
“uberpoisonous melamine?” What an idiot. Melamine is only toxic if you ingest it. (And then its toxicity is on par with table salt.) When melamine is combined with formaldehyde (actually uber-poisonous formaldehyde!), they produces a very stable resin, which has been used tor tableware like that cup for decades. Just don’t grind it up and put it in your dog food.
December 13, 2011 at 2:43 pm
right same with GLASS.. fine to drink out of it, just dont injest it
December 13, 2011 at 2:28 pm
oh. sweet. lord. i can’t decide if i’m going to giggle of barf. possibly garf….maybe biggle.
December 13, 2011 at 2:29 pm
I actually found this really funny…not $15 worth of funny, but still.
December 13, 2011 at 2:30 pm
How jaded have I become that my only response was, wait, melamine’s poisonous?
December 13, 2011 at 2:43 pm
yeah cause ive only been eating off of grandmas melamine for about 10 years now
December 13, 2011 at 6:34 pm
I always wondered why grandma’s coffee tasted better than coffee served at home. color me nostalgic. Now I want to run out and find some real melamine dinnerware.
December 13, 2011 at 9:01 pm
it is when you grind it up and put it in cat food. The Chinese did this recently, a couple of years ago, remember? Killed 5 cats because of it.
December 13, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Supid seller, Edward drinks his muff-stuffer tea from a mug. This mug.
http://www.regretsy.com/2011/11/08/derp-roundup-13/
December 13, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Muff-stuffer is getting added my lexicon. Bless you.
December 13, 2011 at 2:31 pm
All I can think about is how I have tons of vintage melamine/melmac dishes in my house and now I might die because of them.
December 13, 2011 at 3:47 pm
Not die, just reproductive damage, or bladder or kidney stones, which can lead to bladder cancer.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melamine
Actually, its toxicity is on par with table salt. So just don’t grind it up and snort 10 lines a day, and you should be golden.
December 13, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Damn. You’ve crushed my dreams. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, DREAM RAPER?!?!
December 13, 2011 at 2:33 pm
This is exactly the sort of fan merchandise you would get if the Twilight series had been written by Tom Sharpe, and filmed by Troma Studios.
December 13, 2011 at 2:34 pm
WHY????????? I seriously hope that this isn’t someone I know in RL . . . you know, like that chic at the lunch buffet who brings out the new pans of salad . . .
Oh God . . . now I’ll be afraid to eat in public ever again!
December 13, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Users who purchased this item also purchased:
If you’d like to purchase these items together, seek professional help.
December 13, 2011 at 2:42 pm
That listing still absolutely boggles my mind. I’m vehemently hoping they were joking.
I mean if you wanted a stained old mattress that you know for a fact strangers had sex on, check the back alleys in any ghetto.
December 13, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Oh…and this almost reminds me of something almost as hideous that I saw at Best Buy–an entire line of SPARKLING Twilight-themed hair care utensils–blow dryers, brushes, flat irons, etc.–that promised to help you look just as sexy as the cast of Twilight.
December 13, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Can’t I just bite my lip and look uncomfortable and achieve the same effect without having to shell out for shit that glitters?
December 13, 2011 at 6:03 pm
Just remember to never ever close your mouth, and yeah, it’ll work!
December 13, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Kristen Stewart actually closes her mouth long enough to bite her lip?
December 13, 2011 at 4:45 pm
That means they come with a crew of hairstylists who’ll wash, cut, and style your hair perfectly every single morning. Bummer. I’m a FJL and have only a one-bedroom apartment.
December 13, 2011 at 4:57 pm
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December 13, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Can one of the the more clever fat jealous losers come up with a good tea-party joke for this travesty?
December 13, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Blood cup! Blood cup! Move down! Move down!
That’s the best I have right now.
December 13, 2011 at 3:17 pm
This is still only the third most icksome kind of tea-bagging?
December 13, 2011 at 9:17 pm
I always bring my diva cup to tea parties. Oh, that tea party…
December 13, 2011 at 2:37 pm
You all say “Why?” and I just think “Damn! Why didn’t I think of this first?” FML.
December 13, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Come on, guys! It’s recycling!! Instead of throwing all those tampons away and having them fill up a landfill, you can do this and…
Oh what the hell am I saying? WHAT IS THIS AND WHY DO PEOPLE WANT IT?
December 13, 2011 at 2:49 pm
I know people who have menstrual blood fetishes and even this would creep them out.
December 13, 2011 at 2:52 pm
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!?
December 13, 2011 at 2:53 pm
Now I like Twilight as much as any other middle-aged woman, but this is beyond the pale.
December 13, 2011 at 2:55 pm
This is how they keep Cheney alive.
December 13, 2011 at 2:59 pm
December 13, 2011 at 2:59 pm
This makes me think of how some of my female friends like to joke about soaking their tampons in booze…
December 13, 2011 at 8:10 pm
http://www.snopes.com/risque/kinky/vodka.asp
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/11/14/vodka-tampon-teens_n_1092594.html
December 13, 2011 at 3:01 pm
I kind of chuckled because I hope they are being sarcastic and trying to poke fun at all the crazy Twilight fans.
it’s still pretty nasty though.
December 13, 2011 at 3:03 pm
I fear for the day when I find crappy etsy items for the Hunger Games…off to search kthxbai.
December 13, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Ooooh! I’m having an Etsy epiphany: a fake used tampon and REAL chicken liver clots in a bowl of resin fake blood. I’m going to call it Bowl’a Bella Soup. Mmm, mmm, good!
December 13, 2011 at 3:08 pm
The very thought of this made Earl Grey.
December 13, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Thank goodness at least the poison is vintage!
Although, I suppose depending on whether the tampon was used or not it could be called vintage as well.
December 13, 2011 at 3:27 pm
Did anyone else see this listing in her store?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69999716/death-asylum-horror-photographs-killing
Now I’m officially speechless.
December 13, 2011 at 3:40 pm
Not only was I in awe of this (on some twisted level), I went to her facebook page and discovered she’s a Regretsy gal! No joke.
http://tinyurl.com/cy37efs
December 13, 2011 at 3:49 pm
I saw that, too. And I was also in awe, only in a struck speechless way.
December 13, 2011 at 7:48 pm
I actually really like that and $150 isn’t much to ask.
December 13, 2011 at 4:13 pm
That creepy shit for only $150?! You should buy it!!
December 13, 2011 at 4:22 pm
I love the idea of a serial killer scrapbook using photographs of dolls.
It would be even better if the crime scenes in the photographs included clues that the person reading the scrapbook could use to solve the crimes.
I knew that documentary on the Nutshell Studies would get me into trouble.
December 13, 2011 at 3:27 pm
This is beyond ridiculous.
Fun fact: Period “blood” is actually a tissue and usually (depends on the consistency) is not water-soluble.
Also, the idea that anyone would buy this is horrifying. There should be a tracker of some sort on here that alerts the men in white to go get whomever it is that buys this.
December 13, 2011 at 4:04 pm
It’s been a long time since my chem classes, but I think organic tissues are water soluble – eventually. Might not be practical for making tea.
And add to that, aren’t tampons and similar chartreuse flamethrowers designed to “lock in” the blood/tissue? Soooo, not so good for making tea.
/headdesk Logic has no place in art. Right??
December 13, 2011 at 5:16 pm
I can assure you both that it is quite possible to soak blood back out of a tampon in the manner indicated. You’re welcome. You’re right, you really don’t want to know how I know this.
December 13, 2011 at 4:59 pm
It just needs a dash of salt
Every girl should know that – cold water and salt gets those persky stains out 
December 13, 2011 at 7:58 pm
“Period ‘blood’ . . . is not water-soluble.”
That’s absurd.
As someone who’s had periods for over 20 years, I can assure you that while there is some clotty, thicker material in there, there’s plenty of regular blood too. A used tampon soaking in a toilet plus paper from wiping up WILL turn the water red, sometimes immediately if it’s a heavy day.
If you’re willing to wait a few days, I’m willing to provide photographic evidence to support this fact.
(Okay, maybe not. You’ll just have to trust me.)
December 13, 2011 at 9:13 pm
Also, the much-beloved painkillers are also blood thinners, so just liberally apply your ibuprofen and voila! Vamp tea.
December 14, 2011 at 6:13 am
It does get thinner then?
I was running off personal experience; my period has the same consistency as mucus and has never turned the water red. I apologize for not having a full range of experience with this sort of thing
December 14, 2011 at 8:32 am
Well, I imagine everyone’s different. For me, sometimes it’s fairly thick and holds together, but sometimes it’s just like regular blood. But mine can be pretty heavy (like soaking through a super plus tampon in two hours on the first or second day . . . ugh). So maybe that makes a difference.
December 13, 2011 at 3:31 pm
I appreciate it, as someone who loves vampire fiction but hates Twilight. And hey, at least she got the price right! Kinda!
The one in her shop that confused me was this. “Painting is completed, but will be shipped in August.” What?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/64629213/murder-original-painting-he-killed-them
December 13, 2011 at 4:26 pm
She can’t ship it until the statute of limitations has passed.
December 13, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Would you care for another cup of cherry blossom tea with your finger sandwiches?
December 13, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Wouldn’t it make more sense if Bella just used a menstrual cup instead?
December 13, 2011 at 3:34 pm
December 13, 2011 at 4:05 pm
I love The IT Crowd!
December 13, 2011 at 4:12 pm
I don’t trust people who don’t love this show. I mean, how could you not love Moss’ parted fro and Roy’s dopeyness?!
December 13, 2011 at 3:37 pm
I think the only way to sell this is to photograph it on barnwood
December 13, 2011 at 3:37 pm
What an idiot. Bella doesn’t use tampons. She uses a DivaCup! Much easier for sparkle boy to drink from!
December 13, 2011 at 3:45 pm
OK. Now I know why I didn’t understand the whole Twilight thing all these year! I totally get it, I understand. People are totally batshit crazy.
December 13, 2011 at 3:57 pm
This was a joke in Ghost World. http://www.thefoxisblack.com/blogimages/tamponteacup.jpg
December 13, 2011 at 3:59 pm
How do you take your tea? One clot or two?
December 13, 2011 at 4:03 pm
I think it’s wrong that I was more disgusted at the twilight reference than the item.
Also the technical aspects of menstruating vampires…it can’t be possible.
December 13, 2011 at 4:10 pm
Why would you ruin a vintage cup like that? Slap tags like: vintage, 50′s, 60′s, thrift, mod, and collectible on that teacup and sell it for no less than $45 on Etsy.
December 13, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Cunt, what the shit? I’m too grossed out to come up with anything in English.
December 13, 2011 at 4:27 pm
Oh COME ON. This is a joke listing, guys. The seller is one of our own kind, she was a donator for April’s Army. Remember the needle-felted Kookoo the Bird Woman?
She’s not a Twi-tard, she’s not trying to make a cheap buck… She’s just a sick, twisted, fat jealous loser like the rest of us fuckers.
Sorry if I seem angry, I just hate how so many people jump on the “omg this seller is a poopbag, this listing is horrible just because it’s on regretsy” bandwagon.
December 13, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Let the faux outrage begin!
December 13, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Does this come with a throw-up bag?
December 13, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Are you there God?
It’s me, Dracula.
December 14, 2011 at 3:12 am
+10 for you today for Judy Blume reference. Well played…well played.
December 13, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Oh how original… it totally doesn’t remind me of this:
December 14, 2011 at 7:56 pm
I’ve heard vampire tea jokes long before Twilight existed. Accusing someone of copying a comic featuring an old, well-used joke doesn’t exactly work.
December 13, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Damn. My office white elephant gift exchange is on Thursday. We have a $20 limit. This would have been perfect. Too bad it wouldn’t reach me in time.
December 13, 2011 at 5:12 pm
If you were to give that, no one would ever ask you to participate again! It would be a way of making sure that you never again have to go through the hell of secret Santa. This wonderful gift or anything dead in a box wrapped with newspaper would work.
December 13, 2011 at 5:41 pm
Well, who knew…..
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=tampon%20tea
December 14, 2011 at 3:14 am
Kinda makes you wonder who was the first to try this?
Menstruating female: “Hmm, I wonder what my tampon would taste like in a cup of boiling water?”
Idiot friend: “Brilliant! Let’s give it a go!”
Augh.
December 13, 2011 at 5:42 pm
At first I thought this was a tea bag done up to look like a tampon. And I thought, oh it must be hibiscus tea, so that when you pour hot water on it, it looks like blood.
So am I less disgusting than the person who came up with what it ACTUALLY is, or MORE?
December 14, 2011 at 7:57 pm
Those could be cool, I think.
December 13, 2011 at 5:49 pm
You know it’s disgusting when she’s only charging $15 and not even a Regretsian will buy it for a chuckle.
December 13, 2011 at 5:49 pm
I once worked with this batshit crazy woman who felt she wasn’t getting enough attention from the roommate she had a crush on.
One of the things she did to get his attention was soak tampons in red wine and leave them around the apartment. I’m not sure what she was trying to achieve, but I guess now we’d call that performance art.
December 13, 2011 at 5:52 pm
This gives a whole new meaning to “Do It Yourself.”
Oh.
My.
Gawd.
December 13, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Is this recycled or upcycled? Whatever, it’s just bloody awful.
December 13, 2011 at 6:40 pm
I think it’s hilarious. Besides it is meant to be funny. We remember funny right? I can appreciate this in every way. At least she didn’t have to pull many strings to get featured on here. And at least she has a sense of humor, unlike some people…..
December 13, 2011 at 7:29 pm
I’m kinda slightly confused about what “real fake” is, how can something be real and fake at the same time? It’s like it’s both true and false.
December 13, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Yeah, that bugged me for a second too until I realized that it was supposed to be a joke.
December 13, 2011 at 8:29 pm
Well, there was an incident where clothes with tanuki fur were being sold as faux fur. In that incident, the item that people wanted was REAL “fake fur”, rather than an imitation, which is fake “fake fur”. To differentiate, you could actually use the words “real fake” in this example.
December 13, 2011 at 7:31 pm
I can’t believe one of you bitches already bought this before I even saw it!
December 13, 2011 at 7:51 pm
I stand corrected. It’s not disgusting enough that a Regretsian wouldn’t even buy it for a chuckle.
Fess up. Who bought it?
December 13, 2011 at 8:18 pm
Someone actually bought it. I want to see where it will be displayed. Hopefully in a prominent place amongst the shrine to Twilight? Do the Twilight weirdies have those?
December 13, 2011 at 8:24 pm
Sorry to reply to my own reply. I saw this picture a few years back and it scared me so much that someone could have this etched into her flesh forever. I’ve been avoiding Walmart because of the peeps like this:
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?s=Twilight
December 13, 2011 at 9:41 pm
That’s a grown woman! With a twilight tattoo! WHAT!
December 14, 2011 at 9:38 am
Tragically, she is only one of COUNTLESS grown women with such tattoos.
http://ugliesttattoos.failblog.org/?s=twilight
(if you can stand it)
December 14, 2011 at 4:57 pm
Wrong, wrong, wrong. Bad wrong, bad bad bad wrong. That is hideously bad wrong.
That person just needs to be sterilized. She could raise babies to think that’s alright and the authorities need to step up and do something…darns it.
December 14, 2011 at 9:59 am
That’s the photo I was thinking of. I can’t imagine why a grown woman would get a tattoo of a 20-something “actor” anywhere, much less his eyes on the back of her neck?
OK, I’ll resist making any “And now her husband INSISTS on the missionary position” or “Now her husband INSISTS on doggy-style.” You’re welcome.
Does she stand with her back to the mirror and a hand mirror so she can see him looking at her? Maybe it talks to her. Some evil tattoos do that, you know.
December 13, 2011 at 10:47 pm
On the negative side of things it’s a bloody tampon in a teacup.
On the positive side of things, it does look quite realistic.GODDAMMIT IT’S A BLOODY TAMPON IN A FUCKING TEACUP.December 13, 2011 at 11:37 pm
I’m surprised no one has made any Tea-publican comments.
December 14, 2011 at 12:00 am
Oh ye gods, that is the most disgusting thing I’ve seen in a while. Appreciate the humor but damn if it didn’t make me throw up in my mouth just a bit.
…also, is there something wrong with my brain that I wish to take this idea and put it into my own vampire series via some bat-shit crazy vampire or vampire wannabe? I’d do it with my Edward parody character I created but I actually like him and his flamboyantly gay self.
December 14, 2011 at 3:10 am
I allllmost puked. And that’s saying something because I did my anthropology clinicals in a morgue assisting in autopsies. Yeah…that’s just fucking nasty.
December 14, 2011 at 5:39 am
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December 14, 2011 at 7:38 am
Okay this one took me a minute – but I think I get it now. Edward could have blood-tea by tea-bagging Bella’s used tampons. Right, okay.
Yes, I wish I had NOT gotten it.
December 14, 2011 at 10:00 am
I know you feel.
1. WTF?
2. Seriously, WTF?
3. Oh, oh, NOW I understand it…
4. Shit. Now I can’t forget it.
December 14, 2011 at 10:42 am
“A shocking image of repressed femininity!”
Skip to 3:15 min.: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1cqIrUm4pw&feature=related
I LOVE Ghost World!
December 14, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Now I read the whole thread.
From my perspective, this was somehow … revealing.
The cup was in my opinion very well done and I can kuvittelmemaan in another context, the price would have been € 500-1000.
But this cup, opened the debate, which revealed the cultural divide.
Two weeks ago, I listened to the train, how about a 16-year-old girls talking about menstrual periods, binding, and tampons.
The discussion was constructive, which binding / tampon fits riding, which is suitable for swimming.
This one was shocked that the debate on the same train at the time, a young immigrant men, but others did not seem to be regretted or resented.
Of course, older people do not discuss the subject, but my age and my younger menstruation are somewhat similar to a discussion topic, as the bread and alder spear.
December 14, 2011 at 5:29 pm
As I keep telling that guy at the bank, “It’s REAL fake money!”
December 14, 2011 at 5:39 pm
Looks like someone hit pubertea!
December 15, 2011 at 2:05 pm
SOLD.
December 18, 2011 at 11:07 am
If I were the vampire’s girlfriend
A shot of Depo-Provera would be
Mighty high on my list
of necessary pharma.
I would never wish to drive
My loving leech mad
With monthly blood
Lust.
Oh well,
If he must needs lap at the
Rusty fountain
We will both
Just have to suffer.
Vampire’s Girl