Quick Santa Fund Update
• Almost all of the 200+ toys we’re been shopping for have now been purchased with your generous contributions to the Santa Fund, and are now in transit. The rest will be purchased today.
• All letters from Santa have been finished and mailed, and are being received with enthusiasm:
“My daughters got their letters from Santa today, and their reaction was priceless. There were squeals of delight and surprise. There were ear to ear grins. There were breakdowns, section by section, of how they know for a fact that it’s from the real Santa and the details that prove it. It made them so happy that I had to leave the room for a minute so they wouldn’t see my tears.”
“I just wanted to say we received the letters from Santa today, and I cried so hard. I needed that happiness like you can’t imagine. My older son read his and was so happy. Thank you guys for what you’re doing for all these families and all these kids. While its embarassing to ask for help, and humiliating that I can’t give my kids anything this year, I can’t even put correctly into words the feeling I get to know that they are cared for, even by strangers.”
“Even though I always help my friends above myself, I never want to believe that I deserve good in return. I will more than gladly put my pride aside, to see that my kids aren’t hurt by my misfortune. I will get a job again, and eventually get a car, and I will give back. I will never forget the love that the regretsy community has shown to my boys. Thank you from every part of my heart. Thank you.”
These letters from Santa are an added gift from Regretsy to all the great kids we’re buying presents for this Christmas. And the best part is, the Etsy seller we’re buying them from is another member of our community, and she is also being helped by the whole project (proceeds from sales of these letters will help assist her mother during chemo treatment). If you would like a letter from Santa for someone you love, visit her Esy shop here.
• Paypal is holding some of the funds while they figure out how to take more of them, so the gifts to the parents of these kids are still in the pipeline. Hopefully that money will be made available soon, and I will let you know more abut that as soon as I get home from Finland and can smack a bitch up from an 800 number.
Thanks again for everything, and I’ll be back soon to catch you up on the Finnish fuckery.
December 3, 2011 at 11:02 pm
PayPal LOVES to hold funds hostage, even when you know exactly who those funds are from! Evil PayPal
December 3, 2011 at 11:04 pm
Fan-fucking tastic. This fat jealous loser has tears in her eyes just from reading how happy the letters have made the kids.
December 4, 2011 at 1:37 am
Fat Jealous Losers!
I LOVE YOU ALL!!
December 4, 2011 at 1:48 am
There sure is a lot of dust in Regretsy lately… some got in my eyes! MY EYES! Yep, that’s why these Puffs®.
December 4, 2011 at 7:59 am
SAME, SAME, SAME HERE! I had about $5 in my checking account until next paycheck, and it went to the fund. It’s not much, it’s what I had. Bills are OK until paycheck. These kids need it more than I need to blow it on something pointless.
December 3, 2011 at 11:08 pm
I’m tearing up over here. This is an amazing place Helen Killer has made for us. I’d like to thank her and the hard working mod for putting this together. We are all richer for the experience.
And I’m so cheesed off I missed the window to give back! You fat jealous losers are the best.
December 3, 2011 at 11:11 pm
That’s absolutely wonderful. Of course, I’m a bit more emotional than usual because of the vodka, but still. I’m really sorry I couldn’t donate to those wonderful kids but I might order one of those Santa letters for my mother, though. She’s just had a devastating car accident and could use a smile. And especially because it’s going to help someone else’s Mum.
December 4, 2011 at 12:04 am
I hope your mother recovers quickly and with as little residual pain as possible.
December 4, 2011 at 8:40 am
Sending love and warm thoughts to you and your mom. I hope she is fully recovered soon. Such a frightening thing to go through on top of any physical injuries.
December 3, 2011 at 11:13 pm
this fuckery loving fool is also in tears reading these letters…
December 3, 2011 at 11:14 pm
I am amazed at how easy we make this look. I am just so damn happy that a group of fat jealous losers can come together and do damn near anything. This makes me so happy I want it everyday. Also I love the idea of the Santa letters and how happy they make the kidlings.
This whole thing is such a bright shitpot of happy that I cannot even tell which way is up anymore! Or that could be the DTs…maybe I need another beer. In any event GO TEAM! (Yes I just kicked up to meet my hand in the air cheer style).
December 4, 2011 at 1:50 am
FIST BUMP, with fireworks… oooohhhhhh!
(teaching our pup to do that, btw, in case you’re tempted to downthumb… think of the puppy!!!)
December 4, 2011 at 5:13 am
post photos of the puppy – do it do it do it!!
December 4, 2011 at 8:56 pm
Any excuse to show off our pup…
This is the only one I could find quickly of her doing the fist bump. She was only a few weeks old in this photo so I had just started teaching her. But you can’t see her well in this one so….
She’s older now (6 months) but this is one of the best photos I have of her. Named Rosie, registered as Rosie the Riveter. Her 1st show is next weekend and if she wins any ribbons I plan to have her do FISTBUMP and then with fireworks right outside the ring! hehe!
December 3, 2011 at 11:21 pm
i didn’t make it in time to donate… we reached our goal before i ever logged in!! however i helped to fill the toys for tots box at my work. any other suggestions as to how to donate the money/time i had planned for the regretsy secret santa fund?
December 5, 2011 at 1:13 pm
You can look at this forum thread (blatant promotion).
December 3, 2011 at 11:30 pm
awww this makes me so very happy! Merry Christmas and ho ho ho!
December 3, 2011 at 11:31 pm
You monsters warm the cavernous reaches of my frigid, blackened heart. Hugsies!
December 3, 2011 at 11:45 pm
I love you guys. I do. You are the best, nicest, most charitable fat, lazy, jealous losers ever, and I am proud to be associated with you no matter what anyone else thinks of us.
(In case anyone was worried, as of this afternoon we have power at home again.)
December 3, 2011 at 11:55 pm
I’m thrilled to have gotten the opportunity to participate in the Secret Santa project. This makes up for being screwed out of getting anything from all the other ones I’ve been part of in the past. Of course, I’m incoherent now, as I’m getting a 3 hour foot rub from Jesus, if you know what I mean.
December 4, 2011 at 9:18 am
Um, no idea what you mean… “3 hour foot rub from Jesus” is a new euphemism on me… at least I HOPE that’s a euphemism!
December 4, 2011 at 12:01 am
This year for Christmas I have told my family, the Dysfunctionelles, that I am not available to sing back up for them. I’m planning on having two hotdogs from quiktrip and getting out my Arrested Development DVDS for a long winter’s knit and if they drink and dial,the Caller ID will alert me to the possiblity of INCOMING recriminations, thereby preventing the scorching of mine own eardrum. So this foray into generosity and the true SPIRIT of the thing has MADE my Christmas. It was serendipitous that I logged in just in time to give away my money and I really hope these kids are delirious with joy. Strong work REgretsian minions. You done good.
December 4, 2011 at 6:23 am
Arrested Development is the perfect knitting accompaniment! Still haven’t found a good pattern for denim shorts, though.
December 4, 2011 at 9:04 am
Arrested Development goes with everything!!
December 4, 2011 at 3:52 pm
I’m looking for a secret message in the capitalised words but I just can’t find it…
December 5, 2011 at 4:57 pm
It’s ‘I think I’ve made a horrible mistake’. – Job Bluth
December 4, 2011 at 12:10 am
I love that one of the tags on the Letter from Santa Etsy page is “Not Steampunk” That totally made me giggle out loud.
December 4, 2011 at 12:19 am
I think maybe some of my nephew’s Christmas present this year will be a letter from Santa. And some sort of big squishy dinosaur, cause what four year old boy doesn’t love big squishy dinosaurs?
December 4, 2011 at 5:53 am
This grinch’s small heart grew three sizes reading this post. You losers are amazing-freaking amazing.
I didn’t have time to contribute to the fund, so I’m off to buy some Santa letters for my daughter and nieces and nephew. My mom had letters sent to the kids for years, but I never thought to pick up the idea when she passed away until my daughter wondered the other day when she’ll get her letter from Santa. Is it kismet? Mom was the one who turned me on Regretsy, maybe to some day buy Santa letters from someone who’s mom is going through chemo? Hmm.
December 4, 2011 at 5:54 am
I’m usually a lurker, not a commenter. Sorry, didn’t mean to put this here…
December 4, 2011 at 4:49 pm
I’d kill for a big, squishy dinosaur and I’m, uh, not 4, um, just a little bit old—, uh, maybe I should just go to a good toy store, buy a big squishy dinosaur and make sure the clerks hear me muttering to myself, “I sure hope MY 4-YEAR-OLD NEPHEW loves this squishy dinosaur. Yessirree, Bob! This is the perfect gift FOR A 4-YEAR-OLD-NEPHEW. OF MINE. I wonder what I’ll get me, uh, HIM, when he turns 5 next year?”
December 4, 2011 at 6:13 pm
A few years back I bought myself — at the time, a 40-something woman — a big squishy dinosaur, and hand-carried it on a plane home. It was fun to see how many fellow passengers were envious that I had the nerve to get myself a present like that. Why should only 4-year-old boys love big squishy dinosaurs?
December 4, 2011 at 12:41 am
April, I love that you took the time to get the ball rolling on this. It gave me a chance to give back without going through a religious or military organization. (I’m pagan and pacifist). Thank you.
Pardon any typo’s, aaron just got back from the karaoke bar, and is feeling pretty damned good right now.
December 4, 2011 at 12:48 am
bbut I’ve seriously got one eye closed right not so i can see what I’m doing.
December 4, 2011 at 2:32 am
I’m hoping HK’s “Esy shop” means Bronc is too drunk to proofread, so you’re likely in good company.
December 4, 2011 at 12:51 am
G’damn, I love you all fat jealous losers *sniff* <=)
December 4, 2011 at 12:52 am
Thank you <3
December 4, 2011 at 1:00 am
I love EVERY ONE of you fat, jealous bastards!
December 4, 2011 at 1:18 am
You fat jealous losers are all too damn nice, giving money to people to give kids the shit they want. Congratufuckinglations.
Side note, I think “Smack My Bitch Up” will be my new motivational mental song to get me through work tomorrow at the factory.
Love to y’all.
December 4, 2011 at 2:15 am
Stuff like this, and fat jealous losers like all of you, are the only reason I put up with Christmas coming every damned year.
May every last one of you be insufferably happy and disgustingly healthy this coming year.
December 4, 2011 at 2:38 am
/raises glass of more-rum-than-eggnog
This is amazing, and made my weekend. Bien fail, FJLs!
December 4, 2011 at 2:40 am
interesting, I just got a call from my creditcard issuer wondering if I that payment to radiosavant was mine or fraudulent, something to do with the paypal issues perhaps?
December 4, 2011 at 6:28 am
I had a similar issue when I used paypal (actually my credit card, but still through an option of paypal or credit card) a few weeks back. I think it was because it was a unusual, since it had been years since I used anything affiliated with paypal. If enough people have that happen, it could definitely explain the issue!
December 4, 2011 at 8:58 am
Yeah, its probably why some of the money is being held. $7000 into a paypal account in a few hours? yeah, that sets up red flags on the automated system.
They should clear it as soon as Bronc or April call and yell at them.
December 4, 2011 at 2:42 am
so the gifts to the parents of these kids are still in the pipeline. Hopefully that money will be made available soon, and I will let you know more abut that as soon as I get home from Finland and can smack a bitch up from an 800 number.<<<
Provided you don't get transferred right back to Finland and have to speak with that Peggy guy. Good luck Helen, take no prisoners.
December 4, 2011 at 3:48 am
Thanks for making me cry again. I love this community.
December 4, 2011 at 3:51 am
I may like dead baby jokes, but I really like the way HK manages to help out as many people in need in one project, AND be in Finland. I mean, not only did she help out the 200 families, but she threw in some extra Santa letters that will help another Etsian in need.
December 4, 2011 at 4:19 am
April, I used to have trouble with Paypal all the time. But since I sent the V.P. in charge of fucking with people a picture of his 9 year old daughter walking to school alone, I’ve had no more problems.
It’s not busiess. It’s personal. And sometimes you need to remind these corporate assholes of that fact. Explain how you have an army of loyal followers who will willingly dangle him or her by their ankle off the 6th Street bridge, and they should release funds immediately.
December 4, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Dad?
December 4, 2011 at 5:45 am
http://www.portablenorthpole.tv/home
This link is awesome if you want to make a video with your child’s name in it from Santa. I made one for a friend as a joke. Another friend made one for her 3yr old to get her to use the potty more lol. It is really cute and free and no signing up for anything. My daughter loved hers. Just a way to cheer up an adult of encourage a lil one to be good or make them happy to hear from Santa.
December 5, 2011 at 1:20 pm
I made one of those for a group I’m in. They were judged naughty, of course.
December 4, 2011 at 5:58 am
Damn – I just wept fat jealous loser tears. I feel gratitude toward all of you bitches. Many hugs to you all -
Thanks April! You lead a terrific parade.
December 4, 2011 at 6:18 am
Helen: If you need to smack up anyone worldwide, I believe you can do so from Skype, at about 2 cents per minute, but no one wants you to have to do that until you’re back home. Enjoy Finland, and bring us back some salty liquorice fish!
December 4, 2011 at 6:25 am
Why don’t the jackasses who complain that we make fun of their crap send an email when you’re doing something good for people?
December 4, 2011 at 6:43 am
Riri, you hit the nail on the head. I guess they’re too self-involved to really care about anyone other than themselves. Besides, they gave the change out of their car ashtray to the Salvation Army bellringer, so they’re totally good this year for selfless acts. And, you know, that 13 cents and piece of lint really puts them in the red now.
December 4, 2011 at 6:46 am
Oh man, that’s so heartwarming and shit. Too bad I was too late to contribute.
Now I just get to wait EVEN FUCKING LONGER for details about Finland….
December 4, 2011 at 6:54 am
Just bought the Santa letters; trying to prevent my kids from growing up to be fat losers.
December 4, 2011 at 2:43 pm
but wait, we are all fat losers… jealous even.
December 4, 2011 at 4:52 pm
KidC wants to prevent the kids from growing up to be FAT LOSERS. If they turn out to be FAT, JEALOUS LOSERS, then I’m sure you’ll see parental pride just oozing out all over!
December 4, 2011 at 6:59 am
Reading this at the same time that Christmas song about a kid who wants to buy shoes for his dying mother came on has me in tears. Thanks for giving me a little faith back in humanity, you fat jealous fucks.
December 4, 2011 at 7:31 am
Too freaking awesome. I’ve never understood how people can rant and rave and call this community names. We may have snark, but damn it, we’ve got heart, too.
Cheers to everyone who donated, you’re all more than amazing.
December 4, 2011 at 7:43 am
Many think they are uncivilized and barbaric conditions that Santa Claus comes from the North Pole, but this is completely wrong, delusional image that has arisen from an increase in age was between the wall and the radiator.
Throughout the civilized world, we know that Santa is Finnish.
http://www.youtube.com/user/WoodpeckerFilm
December 4, 2011 at 7:47 am
You are, of course, absolutely correct.
December 4, 2011 at 8:29 am
Correct people in the Finnish language is a nice adage … April, you know it? Vedä…
December 4, 2011 at 3:20 pm
I love you, Petja. I’m still trying to figure out why what lies between the wall and the radiator matters so much, but I love you anyway!
December 4, 2011 at 4:56 pm
I think, with all he’s given us, that’s the one thing that has me the most confused. Well, as a Mysticism in Literature professor in college (hey, it was the ’70s), once told me, “The more confused you are, Mugsy, the more you are actually understanding it.” Well, let me tell you, I was so freaking confused on the final paper that I got an A+ on it and an A for the course. Still don’t know why, though. And now I’m here, between the radiator and the wall, thinking about it.
/Perkele, perkele, a full-sour perkele is for me!
December 5, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Petja, I love radiator heat and insisted on it when I purchased yon Stately Manor/Hovel. So I just went in the kitchen and ran my hand between the radiator thinking perhaps you were hinting at some secret treasure commonly left there in days of yore. I found the metal thing that hangs off the back of the radiator needed a good cleaning and then I put water in it to humidify my environment and keep my mucus membranes moist. And a golf umbrella left behind by an old flame. Covered in dog hair. I think I’ll box it up and mail it to him for Christmas. Heh heh heh! Another Festive Holiday Tradition is BORN!!
December 4, 2011 at 8:50 am
PayPal randomly decided this week that I am a high-risk seller, and that they will hold any future funds I receive from eBay sales for 21 days or until delivery is confirmed or the buyer leaves feedback. I have listed and sold exactly one thing on eBay–a pair of jeans–and got positive feedback, so I don’t know what they’re smoking. The hold doesn’t seem to be impeding funds from other sources, though, so I hope that’s not what they’ve done to you.
December 4, 2011 at 9:13 am
So, SatanicRitualAbuse’s mom’s car accident comment above made me think. (How often do you get to type that sentence . . . but I digress.) Maybe April could lead us in a Mother’s Day gifting effort this coming year to honor the women who birthed all of us fat jealous losers: Raise some cash to buy gifts for moms who are struggling or just really need a bit of extra anonymous love from a bunch of drunken slags such as ourselves? Maybe Santa Letter Etsy gal could create a sweet letter from the Mother’s Day Fairy or some other benevolent being that our blackened souls could never create if it were left up to us. Just a thought. April might not yet be fully recovered from her Scandinavian bender by then but it might be worth shooting for.
December 4, 2011 at 10:07 am
That would be “the Great Goddess,” as Mother’s Day is basically the sanitized version of Beltane.
December 4, 2011 at 10:28 am
Maaaan. It feels so good to be a part of something like this, no matter how small, or at least to watch it going on. I don’t have kids, but I’ve been around people with them quite a bit and have helped with this sort of “secret Santa” thing before, and… yeah. To not have enough money to even get your kids some dinky little thing for Christmas has to be miserable. So I’m thrilled that we can help them out in this way and make both the kids and their parents have a great Christmas!
December 4, 2011 at 10:28 am
Damn you Paypal!! Forget the fact that you are holding $6400 of my money illegally, for 6 months, but now you are stealing from children! Shame on you! I hope your buildings burn down you worthless, soul sucking, piece of shit thieves!!! ARGH!!!
December 4, 2011 at 10:32 am
Damn, this place is just so fucking nice I hardly know what to do with myself. How can I maintain my fat jealous cynical exterior when a delicate little tear of joy is trickling down my cheek? April, you ROCK. This is the best fucking place on the internet, and no matter what the idiots say, we all know the truth, right?
December 4, 2011 at 12:03 pm
This is really lovely and wonderful. A true Christmas miracle.
I need to point out how awesome it is that the seller of the Santa letters uses the tag “Artistic Abilitites”.
December 4, 2011 at 2:50 pm
I just ordered the fuck out of those Santa letters for the nine-and-unders in my life
December 4, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Paypal’s holding onto some of the money? Typical. They do that a lot.
December 4, 2011 at 7:18 pm
I love you guys. I do. You are the best, nicest, most charitable fat, lazy, jealous losers ever, and I am proud to be associated with you no matter what anyone else thinks of us..You guys are the best in the world..