- Submitted by Black Market Beagle
I FOUND MY NEW RINGTONE
Here’s a sample:
Is that incredible or what? It’s like Cat Stevens, only with better lyrics.
Now, I’m only giving you a little taste, because this is worth your money, and I think you know that. I laid down my coin and purchased this entire album a few minutes ago, and if you don’t think this is going on my New Year’s Eve playlist, YOU AREN’T PAYING ATTENTION
- Download the whole vertical gluteal crease kicking album here
This post first appeared on Regretsy on December 23, 2010
Here’s a quick rough version of a new holiday cookie – the Human Gingerbread Centipede. Seasons greetings!
This year, I decided to try my hand at making gingerbread men. The mixing and baking went smoothly, but when it came to the decorating I ran into some trouble because I started drinking right after I snipped the end off of my icing tube.
Regretsy has inspired me to solve a problem I’ve had. My tree was all naked and sad on top, and now it’s … well it’s something. Thanks for the help!
I am an American working for a company in Japan, the land where Christmas is vaguely celebrated, but where whimsicle fuckery is practically a national pastime. I spotted these at my local discount store, Don Quijote, and I have to say, they did put me in the Regretsy Christmas spirit… of wanting to gouge my eyes out and hide in a corner softly sobbing to myself.
FOLLOW UP: Libby was kind enough to send me four of these, after I begged her repeatedly and threatened to cry. Here are my friends, Sam and Woody, who came over last night and got drunk, and thought I wouldn’t post this.
And speaking of masks…
Hey you worthless discusting looser asshole i’d liek to send you a bag of flaming dog shit for Christmas please give me your mailing address. Happy holidays.
I’d like to take a moment to appreciate the glittering parade of fuckery over the past year. Thanks to you and cheap vodka, I haven’t killed myself despite the number of sagging schlongs, putty, pocked ass cheeks, and the regrets of life choices I face on a daily basis. I was so close to becoming a prostitute, why the fuck did I go back to art school?
Some Cunt Who’s Not Even Registered
This post first appeared on Regretsy on December 23, 2009
And then, in a twinkling, I heard from on high
The flapping and slapping of of fish from the sky.
As I drew in my head, and was turning about,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a trout.
He was dressed all in scales, from his head to his foot,
And his turtle was covered with ashes and soot.
A bundle of scrod he had flung on his back,
And he looked like Seu George, only not quite as black.
His eyes were drawn on with a ball point in blue,
And his beard was a cotton ball covered in glue.
He stood on a glittering Christmas tree shell
And the whole fucking thing was confusing as hell.
But then I woke up in a shivering sweat
With my hair and my clothes and my sheets soaking wet
And I thought to myself as I cradled my head,
I should never eat clams before going to bed.
This post first appeared on Regretsy on December 30, 2009
Full of Win,
The Lord is awesome!
Blessed art thou among 11″ fashion dolls,
and blessed is thy Porsche
which is sold separately.
Sister of Skipper,
play with us now,
and at the hour of 3:00,
when we get home from school.