This post first appeared on Regretsy on November 28, 2009
Oh it’s impressive and all, but it really would have been something if she’d painted a picture of a vagina with her vagina. Then she could have framed the whole thing in tampons and called it “Herotica,” and Sarah Lawrence would have bought it for the Fallopian Studies building.
This post first appeared on Regretsy on November 30, 2009
Boy oh boy, I just really like Starbucks, don’t you? I mean, I like it a lot! I can drink 12 of these bottles of Frappuccino in one sitting in fact I just did hey what about a wreath wouldn’t that be a good idea I have to do something with all of these caps I SAID WHAT ABOUT A WREATH HEY WHY AREN’T YOU LISTENING TO ME WOW IS IT HOT IN HERE IT SEEMS LIKE IT’S REALLY HOT IN HERE OHMYGODIFORGOTTOFEEDTHECATWHATNOTHINGI’MJUSTDUSTING
THEINSIDEOFTHEDISHWASHERLALALLALLALA
Well, the order fulfillment portion of the Kickstarter project is underway, and I’d like you to try not to be jealous of the fun we’re having. Look at all those names on all those spreadsheets! It’s like heaven, if heaven were a mailroom job in Satan’s anus.
Here’s the status of your order:
COOKIES FROM PINWHEEL BAKERY
If you bought the Regretsy-shaped cookies package, you can expect the cookies to be delivered directly from the bakery around the 17th of this month.
The Regretsy drinking cups, as well as the rest of your order will be coming directly from me. Everything will be shipped together around the 20th, after the books arrive.
COOKIES ARE NOW SOLD OUT
HOLIDAY CARDS
If you bought a signed holiday card on Paypal or Kickstarter, those have now been mailed out and they will be coming shortly.
If you bought a signed holiday card and an e-book, just the card portion of that order has been sent to you.
If you bought an e-book and a handwritten thank you card, just the thank you card portion of that order has now been mailed out.
HOLIDAY CARDS ARE NOW SOLD OUT
PILL ORGANIZERS
We do have some pill organizers left, so use this button and drop down menu to order them before they sell out. We will stop taking orders on November 18th, or when they sell out.
Pill organizers are being packed up today. If you just bought pill organizers and no printed book, you will be receiving those later this week.
If you bought pill organizers and books, your order will be shipped together around the 21st, after the books arrive from the printer.
PERKELE MERIT BADGES by Robert Marbury
Any Perkele badges purchased on Paypal will be sent out this week.
If you bought a Perkele badge and book package on Kickstarter, everything will be sent out together as one shipment after the books arrive from the printer.
We estimate that all package orders will be sent around the 20th of this month.
PERKELE BADGES ARE NOW SOLD OUT
HELLEPHANT USB DRIVE
Holy fucking 狗屁! I cannot believe how cute these things are. They come in their own baggies, like little snacks or something.
So I had an idea. If you bought a Hellephant and a pdf, I’ll send you the Hellephant with the e-book already on it! How great is that idea? I know right? You don’t even have to ask. I’ll look it up as we mail this stuff out and I’ll just do it for you.
And if you haven’t bought either one and you want a pre-loaded hellephant, I’ve still got a few, but very, very few. In fact, they may already be gone by the time I post this.
HELLEPHANTS ARE NOW SOLD OUT
CLUB FUCKERY PINBACKS AND BOOK PACKAGE
If you ordered collector pinbacks on Kickstarter, you will be receiving them directly from me. We will be mailing out this reward after we receive the books from the printer, so you’ll get everything at once.
We estimate that this reward will be shipped around the 21st of November.
PINBACKS ARE NOW SOLD OUT
REGRETSY’S BIG BOOK OF FABRICATED FOLKTAKES FROM FINLAND
E-BOOKS AND BANDMADE BOOKS STILL AVAILABLE
I want to give you a tiny sneak peek of the book. Not much of course, because I want it to be fun when you get it.
But just a little something, because that’s how the pusher man gets you.
There is a chapter in the book on Finnish nursery rhymes. These are all made up of course, because I know nothing about Finnish culture and it’s too late to start now. But I like to imagine that there is a Finnish equivalent to Mother Goose, and this is the kind of thing he would have written:
PURE CLASS
The paperback books are all sold out, but we do have ten handmade books left. These are the ones made by BANDmade books, and they’re using very strange materials to make the paper:
Cover is handmade paper using April Winchell’s dog caftan and Gabriel Nelson’s cotton futon (Mr. Nelson is the bass player for CAKE). The pulp was pigmented using red, brown, and black. Binding thread is hand spun hemp or linen, and dyed using madder root. Mordanted with alum-tannin-alum and followed with a sheep dung fixing solution. Thread is waxed using beeswax from a San Francisco beehive. Printed letterpress at Playland Press on a treadle powered chandler and price. Type is handset in Goudy Italic. Octopus designed by Bronc Drywall and printed letterpress. Books are hand bound by BANDmade Books. This is a limited edition.
That’s right. Not only is the paper made out of my dog caftan and the sexed-up futon of a rock star, not only is the binding thread soaked in sheep shit, but there is octopus art designed by Bronc Drywall. YOU DON’T GET THIS KIND OF ACTION AT BARNES AND NOBLE
PLEASE NOTE: The BANDmade books are handmade, so they will take a little longer than the rest of the merchandise we’re offering. I will probably not be able to send these to you until after I get back from Finland on the 5th of December, but I do guarantee Christmas delivery.
BANDMADE BOOKS ARE NOW SOLD OUT
E-Book:
E-Books will be sent out around the 20th (we were going to send them earlier, but we wanted everyone to get the book at around the same time).
If you purchase the e-book on Paypal, please check to see that your current, working email address is on the Paypal order form we received. We’ve also had trouble reaching a few people via the email addresses they used on Kickstarter, so make sure all your information is current.
If we send your e-book and the email bounces back to us, we will not be able to fill your order until we get back on December 5th.
And finally….
REGRETSY STAINLESS STEEL FLASK
If you bought a flask on Paypal with no book, we’ll be sending that out to you this week. If you bought a flask and a book, we’ll be sending them together in one shipment, around the 21st of November.
Just a handful of these left, so if you know any secret drinkers this holiday season – and who doesn’t – act now!
Comes with a clip on carrying case, so it’s perfect for bus drivers and nursing mothers
Thank you for your support!
This is actually from a lesser known version of The Fly, where Rosario Dawson goes through the teleporter with Bjork’s Oscar dress.
