As you know, we’ve been working around the clock to get these books and Kickstarter rewards out to you before we leave for Finland on Wednesday. By my count, we’ve already mailed 2,000 packages, and we have another 700 or so left to go.

We’ve been doing most of this ourselves, though we sucked two of our best friends in with the promise of lasagna, which of course they had to pick up. And my parents helped us all last week, mostly because I got my mother drunk on Irish coffee.

You might be wondering why we’re personally fulfilling all your orders, instead of handing it off to some faceless corporation. Well, I’ll tell you why.

Because we’re fucking idiots, that’s why.

The important thing is that people are starting to receive their lovingly hand-assembled packages from Casa de Priority, and the reaction has been fantastic! Here’s what people are saying:

“Where the fuck are my pins?”

“I got your package today. If you’re wondering where your blue pen is, I have it.”

SO THAT’S GOING GREAT

And now it’s time for…

WHERE THE HELL IS MY SHIT

Books

Softcover books have been going out since Thursday, and almost all of them will be going out before we leave on Wednesday.

However, we found an entire box with a printing defect on the back cover, right over the Finnish Steampunk Octopus that Bronc designed. Obviously that will not stand.

Those are now being reprinted, and will be shipped to me while we’re out of the country. Those books will be sent back to me around December 4th, and I will ship them out to you as soon as we get home.

E-Books

The e-book is finished, and I am just looking over the proof now. And if everything works properly, it will be available for downloading starting tomorrow.

I had intended to send this out sooner, but I decided not to make it available before the book shipped, so everyone could get it around the same time.

You will get an email with a password for the download, so please make sure the email you used to buy the e-book on Kickstarter or Paypal is correct, and that we don’t wind up in your spam folder.

Also, the e-book will be available on Amazon shortly, so if you want it sent to your Kindle, you can do that too. The price for the Kindle version will be the same ($5).

Pins

Pins have shipped.

Flasks

Flasks will be going out today.

Cookies

Cookies will be sent this week directly from Pinwheel Bakery. I am sending the book, your bonus item and your Regresy cups myself, and those are packed up and ready to go today.

Hellephants

Hellephants will be going out today.

Audio Bonus with Rob Paulsen

The audio track of The Curse of the Vowel Owl, narrated by myself and Rob “Pinky-Yakko-Raphael-Scratchansniff” Paulsen, has been delayed due a family emergency. Rob was able to finish the track last night when he got back into town, bu I’m probably not going to be able to finish producing it before I go.

However it’s more than halfway there and it sounds incredible. I think you’ll really be happy with it. And I’m going to offer the track for sale when I get back so everyone can hear it, and I’ll split the proceeds between Rob’s favorite charity and our own fund.

Look for that to come out the second week of December.

BANDmade Book

The hand bound version of this book is being made by Pam DeLuca in San Francisco right now. The cover paper is handmade using fibers form my fleece dog caftan and a futon donated by the bass player for the band, CAKE.

This book has always had a projected delivery date on December, and we are right on track. The books should be shipped to me around the 4th of December, so I’ll be able to mail them out as soon as I get home.

This limited edition is sold out, but Pam thinks she may be able to get another 50 copies made. If that happens, I’ll put them up for sale right away, and I’ll post photos so you can see the incredible work she’s famous for.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish sending out empty envelopes without postage to the wrong people.

I got a pair of emails yesterday about SOPA; a new internet “piracy” bill working its way through the House Judiciary Committee.

Just this week, gangs of dozing, white-haired men desperately tried to stay awake during testimony by the RIAA and the MPAA, who are really only interested in protecting you. And by you, I mean not you at all.

Obviously, these elder statesmen are the people we want making decisions about the way we use the internet and share information. After all, if anyone knows modern technology, it’s an 80 year old with a top loading Betamax.

Here’s the first email:

I wonder if you’d consider coming out against SOPA?

This act would give all the aggrieved, erm, “brilliant artists” a way to take action against your site and others that comment on work for sale, based solely on frivolous claims of copyright infringement, without any pesky need to prove actual harm, or indeed an actual copyright (I’m looking at you, Ms. Stallone). Just one unsubstantiated complaint will be enough to shut down a site, and there is no recourse, even if you’re falsely accused.

Anyway, your armies of fat jealous losers would probably have some impact if you mobilized them. I hope you’ll consider it.

It’s upsetting for a few reasons, one of which, obviously, is that it would impact this site. And maybe you like that idea, because you are one of my legion of anti-fans, who religiously reads every word I write because you want me to disappear. Which, by the way, is a great strategy.

But I’m not the only one out there who offers an opinion on creative work being sold to the public.

Think about all the sites and blogs you read that critique or discuss the media in any form. Filmdrunk, Gawker, Huffington Post, sports blogs, comic book blogs, it goes on and on. All those outlets will be endangered by SOPA.

And the commentary doesn’t even have to be negative to put you in jeopardy; it just has to be done without the express written permission of the copyright holder. Which means any opinion on anything created by someone else would have to be the officially sanctioned opinion. And if there’s one thing this site has taught us, it’s that people do not support your right to speak freely about their work unless you’re being nice.

And then I got this email:

I produce the Buzz Report for CNET and we did a story this week about SOPA – Which, if you don’t know, is a bill in congress that would radically restrict free speech on the internet, and make it very easy for sites to be taken down if they are merely ACCUSED of copyright infringement, without any due process or even proof of said infringement. Like any old nutjob who THINKS who have used a copyrighted image could shut you down. God only knows how this would affect Fair Use.

Anyway, I used a screen shot of the butt reading saga on Regretsy to illustrate the concept. Here’s this week’s show:

Well, at this point, our job is clear.

If Regretsy is CNET’s poster child for the right to tell gasbags like Jacqueline Stallone to pound sand, then I say we all get off our rumps so she can read them.

Call your congressman on his Jitterbug right now, or go to this website and make your voice heard. Seriously, do it right now.

I’ll wait.

Won’t your representative be surprised when he opens AOL on his land line and sees all of your electronic mail!

*Materials:
- Dog Food
- Undigested Nylabone
- Hair
- Part of a Priority Mail address label

So my parents are here. God love them, they’ve been packing up your Kickstarter rewards all day.

It’s been incredibly entertaining.

My 81-year old mother fired my father several times today because she didn’t like the way he stuffed envelopes. There was also a heated debate over what CF4L stands for, despite the fact that I repeatedly told her that C does not stand for “cock.”

I told my mother the whole Jacqueline Stallone story. I asked for her a formal opinion on the issue so I could share it with my readers.

“She wants me to look at her ass?”

“No, she wants you to pay her to look at your ass.”

“I think she should pay people to look at her face.”

“Well, I don’t disagree. But that’s not the arrangement.”

“She needs a psychiatrist.”

“So you would not pay her $600 to look at your ass?”

“No one is looking at my ass, I’m Sicilian. You tell a Sicilian woman you want to look at her ass, you find a horse’s head in your bed.”

So, there you go.

Then we had pizza, and mailed out another 400 packages.

And then I told them what Goatse is.

Awesome day.

Back to work!