Cease and Desist!
From: Chris Kennedy
Subject: Cease & Desist!
Date: November 25, 2011 7:51:56 PM PST
To whom it may concern or Helen I should say,
It’s me Chris Kennedy. Last month on October 13, 2011 you and your little friend Michelle posted one of my items on your site without my permission which not only mocked it to harassment, but you two and a few of your fellow troublemaking neaderthal (sic) derilict (sic) users posted rude, defamatory, insulting comments and you stalked me and my history on the internet browsing through the sites that I gone to and am a regular of such as my Videofitness.com site and lastly hijacked my youtube video and profile.
I ask you very nicely and sternly to take down this post with my item and me and my videos and information in it.
I have since taken down one of those said items because I decided to keep it for myself as it turned out to be that I fit into it now plus I quite like it, but, my other item will remain on Etsy. Please don’t post any of my items on your Regretsy site anymore and don’t try to post my videos on your site also. Streaming has been disabled for them.
Thank you very much. Have a nice day!
Dear Chris, or should I say Chris,
It’s me, Helen Killer. Thank you for being nice. Stern, but nice. I appreciate it, as do my fellow neanderthal derelicts.
You make a number of points in your email, none of which are particularly interesting. But I’m holed up in a hotel in Amsterdam and just flushed the last of the pot down the toilet, so I have no other entertainment available.
First, I must correct you about Michelle. She is actually just a reader who submitted your Etsy listing to me. I have no idea if she’s little, but she isn’t my friend. If you read the site with any regularity, you know I have no friends.
Second, browsing sites you visit is not stalking. Commenting on videos you have publicly posted on YouTube and have enabled for commenting is not hijacking. In fact, seeing as you make instructional videos, you are clearly intending to reach a new audience. And you have. Maybe not the one you hoped for, but let’s not split hairs.
Third, no one needs permission to comment on your smelly, used, ladies jazzercise outfits. You’re trying to sell these horrible, sweat-stained leotards to the public, and you’ve chosen to do so by putting them on over a pair of control tops and modeling them yourself. I don’t just have the right to make fun of you, I consider it my duty.
I enjoy a baseless legal threat as much as the next person, but please try to integrate with your other personalities before hiring an attorney. The two of you really need to be on the same page or you’re just going to be objecting to each other’s motions all day, and we’ll never get this thing off the ground.
Have a nice day!