THE REVIEWS ARE IN!
As you know, we’ve been working around the clock to get these books and Kickstarter rewards out to you before we leave for Finland on Wednesday. By my count, we’ve already mailed 2,000 packages, and we have another 700 or so left to go.
We’ve been doing most of this ourselves, though we sucked two of our best friends in with the promise of lasagna, which of course they had to pick up. And my parents helped us all last week, mostly because I got my mother drunk on Irish coffee.
You might be wondering why we’re personally fulfilling all your orders, instead of handing it off to some faceless corporation. Well, I’ll tell you why.
Because we’re fucking idiots, that’s why.
The important thing is that people are starting to receive their lovingly hand-assembled packages from Casa de Priority, and the reaction has been fantastic! Here’s what people are saying:
“Where the fuck are my pins?”
“Nice packaging. Unfortunately you forgot the book.”
“I ordered one Hellephant. I got two. Also, why did you send me a pillbox?”
“I got your package today. If you’re wondering where your blue pen is, I have it.”
SO THAT’S GOING GREAT
And now it’s time for…
WHERE THE HELL IS MY SHIT
Books
Softcover books have been going out since Thursday, and almost all of them will be going out before we leave on Wednesday.
However, we found an entire box with a printing defect on the back cover, right over the Finnish Steampunk Octopus that Bronc designed. Obviously that will not stand.
Those are now being reprinted, and will be shipped to me while we’re out of the country. Those books will be sent back to me around December 4th, and I will ship them out to you as soon as we get home.
E-Books
The e-book is finished, and I am just looking over the proof now. And if everything works properly, it will be available for downloading starting tomorrow.
I had intended to send this out sooner, but I decided not to make it available before the book shipped, so everyone could get it around the same time.
You will get an email with a password for the download, so please make sure the email you used to buy the e-book on Kickstarter or Paypal is correct, and that we don’t wind up in your spam folder.
Also, the e-book will be available on Amazon shortly, so if you want it sent to your Kindle, you can do that too. The price for the Kindle version will be the same ($5).
Pins
Pins have shipped.
Flasks
Flasks will be going out today.
Cookies
Cookies will be sent this week directly from Pinwheel Bakery. I am sending the book, your bonus item and your Regresy cups myself, and those are packed up and ready to go today.
Hellephants
Hellephants will be going out today.
Audio Bonus with Rob Paulsen
The audio track of The Curse of the Vowel Owl, narrated by myself and Rob “Pinky-Yakko-Raphael-Scratchansniff” Paulsen, has been delayed due a family emergency. Rob was able to finish the track last night when he got back into town, bu I’m probably not going to be able to finish producing it before I go.
However it’s more than halfway there and it sounds incredible. I think you’ll really be happy with it. And I’m going to offer the track for sale when I get back so everyone can hear it, and I’ll split the proceeds between Rob’s favorite charity and our own fund.
Look for that to come out the second week of December.
BANDmade Book
The hand bound version of this book is being made by Pam DeLuca in San Francisco right now. The cover paper is handmade using fibers form my fleece dog caftan and a futon donated by the bass player for the band, CAKE.
This book has always had a projected delivery date on December, and we are right on track. The books should be shipped to me around the 4th of December, so I’ll be able to mail them out as soon as I get home.
This limited edition is sold out, but Pam thinks she may be able to get another 50 copies made. If that happens, I’ll put them up for sale right away, and I’ll post photos so you can see the incredible work she’s famous for.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish sending out empty envelopes without postage to the wrong people.
November 21, 2011 at 1:37 pm
I’d be perfectly psyched if I got an extra pillbox or something, it’s like twice the drugs, and your addiction is sort of justified!
“But I have two “M”s worth of pills to take, I’M NOT AN ADDICT, I just follow my doses!” ;D
November 21, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I actually did get an EXTRA pillbox, or maybe I ordered two, I simply can’t remember.
November 21, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Won’t you be surprised when you find out Tuesday is a double dosage of stool softener.
November 21, 2011 at 6:38 pm
No….. I have been accused of many things but this is a first.. dammit, I NEED my flask!
November 21, 2011 at 1:59 pm
MM, Pills…
November 21, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time.
November 21, 2011 at 5:41 pm
The Napple!
November 22, 2011 at 5:24 am
Never take a bowel relaxant and an antibiotic at the same time.
Even more to the point, never be prescribed a week of bowel relaxant and a week of antibiotic at the same time. The effects are spectacular.
November 22, 2011 at 9:53 pm
I’ll take your word for it…
November 21, 2011 at 3:49 pm
I got just one pill box, but I was stunned at how BIG the thing is. HK, you knew we’d need lots of room for all our
drugsvitamins, didn’t you?In any case, I’m totally thrilled and will enjoy loading this thing up each week. (Maybe more than once if I decide to double up on the happy pills.)
November 21, 2011 at 9:26 pm
I can’t wait to get my pillboxes. But I’m in Australia so I’m not sure how long it will take to get here.
Plus we have this whole weird system where Russell Crowe has to punch everything that comes into the country. It really slows things up.
November 21, 2011 at 10:51 pm
I once got a standard Amazon delivery in like less than a week from my purchase date. It freaked me the fuck out.
I have a feeling they use wombats to move packages from Sydney International airport over to the huge mail sorting facility (in secret tunnels). Their mood dictates whether you receive something in 3 days or 3 months’ time.
November 22, 2011 at 7:25 am
So THAT’S why my Australian customers are always complaining about damaged packages!
November 22, 2011 at 10:58 am
Yup. It’s those cursed wombats. They get their own International Wombat Day every fucking year, but do they act all humble and “aw, gee, I don’t deserve it, but I’ll act extra nice all year, just because”? Hell no! Maybe we should start celebrating Wombat Day with Wombat Day Recipes…made with wombats!
Fucking wombies.
p.s. Please excuse my rant. I have relatives in Australia. Never heard a bad word about wombats…Never a good one, either, come to think of it.
p.p.s. The Morgan Library museum in NYT has, for not discernible reason, a stuffed wombat for sale. It’s not life-size, thank god, but it’s so damned adorable! And I have absolutely no use for it whatsoever, but I want it.
November 22, 2011 at 11:37 am
Mugsy: My mum’s side of the family is Australian. I had teddy wombats instead of teddy bears, my favorite being Peter the Wombat, who had little crochet outfits, and a girlfriend called Wilma the wombat. However! my mother was once attacked by a wombat and it ripped her coat.
But it’s the emus you have to watch out for! Those things are crazy! Run up and grab your food and run off.
I have a large collection of stuffed wombats and other Australian animals. You can’t have any, I’m just bragging. I even have a numbat and a bilby! That’s right!
Excuse MY rant. It’s an Australian thing, let’s say. My mum is really good at it!
November 22, 2011 at 1:13 pm
Bloomsoapery: My mom’s side is Australian, too (and I’m American, hence the “mom’s”).
When I was a little girl, I thought emus were fake birds that were drawn for the shoe polish cans. When I discovered they were real, I still didn’t believe it. Then again, I’d already embraced the platypus, so who was I to judge?
I had a child-tall stuffed kangaroo as a little girl. It had little rubber boxing gloves on it. Sadly, over the years, it lost a few bouts. Well, more than a few, truth be told.
I envy you your menagerie and will stalk you to the ends of the earth to kidnap it. You’ll recognize me by the Regretsy pill organizer clutched tightly in my hands. Damn, I shouldn’t have told you that–now you’ll see me coming.
/re-rant
November 23, 2011 at 8:50 am
My husband is half-Australian, and served in the Australian army in Vietnam as a tunnel rat. http://www.tunnelrats.com.au/
As an Australian tunneller, of course he had the nickname “Wombat”. He still uses it.
November 22, 2011 at 8:45 am
So. Turns out I’m the only one who uses pill boxes to store beads, right?
November 23, 2011 at 8:35 am
Beads? Huh. In my day they were called dolls.
November 21, 2011 at 9:16 pm
And here stupid me thought I was buying 2 to keep one as a spare! Yer waaay smarter than me!
November 22, 2011 at 11:03 am
I love my pill organizer AND it’s multipurpose. Not only does it help me organize all my
pillsvitamins, but when I saw them nestled together, I had an epiphany: “OMG! I’ve finally found the perfect color scheme for my living room!!!!”Thanks, April & Bronc—you achieved what Martha Stewart never could.
November 22, 2011 at 4:54 pm
So, which scheme did you pick??
November 22, 2011 at 7:18 pm
Generic anti-anxiety, brand-name migraine, and a generic anti-inflammatory. Not sure which should be dominant, though. Perhaps I’ll use an aspirin-tone as an accent.
November 22, 2011 at 7:19 pm
Sorry. A few vitamins are in the running for accents. Aspirin is too bright white.
November 21, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I want the package containing huge fistfuls of your hair!
November 21, 2011 at 5:56 pm
I think she is going to Finland with two bald spots, one on either side of her head!
November 21, 2011 at 6:39 pm
Could be the start of a new hair-do trend!
November 22, 2011 at 11:38 am
I think I’ve seen it on hipsters!
November 21, 2011 at 1:40 pm
and this is why we all love Regretsy so much!
November 21, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I got my Hellephant and I love it, even though I don’t have anything that actually needs to go on a USB right now or is awesome enough to be in his ear. But that’s my problem.
Also, as I mentioned on Facebook, I was pretty drunk last night when you posted about the cups and plates with the weasel on them, and now I’m going to have one more thing to hide from my mother when she comes over.
November 21, 2011 at 1:42 pm
If history tells us anything, it’s that misprints are more valuable. I’ll pay an extra $10 for the misprint, so long as you tell everyone it’s a one in a million limited time offer and autograph it with something extremely vulgar.
November 21, 2011 at 1:50 pm
I’m not joking.
November 21, 2011 at 1:51 pm
But I have had 2 glasses of wine, and it’s only 2:50pm and I still have to pick my kid up from the bus stop, and I really hope the other moms don’t want to talk because they might smell my breath and call child services.
November 21, 2011 at 1:56 pm
That’s what mouthwash is for
November 21, 2011 at 5:14 pm
That’s what raw garlic is for.
November 21, 2011 at 9:16 pm
Parsley!
November 22, 2011 at 3:46 am
So I’m getting a “mouthwash and garlic cocktail, garnished with parsley” feel from these replies.
November 21, 2011 at 2:28 pm
Not if your kids are at the same busstop as mine…in that case, you’d be hiding your breath because you know I’d smell the wine and invite myself over for the rest of the afternoon.
Oh, god, we’d have the best playgroup EVER.
November 21, 2011 at 3:20 pm
First rule of playgroup – get another mom to watch the kids at her house. Drinks at mine!
November 21, 2011 at 5:08 pm
I HAVE A TEENAGER. The plan: We send them all off with her in charge. Mommies fire up the blender and the laptop and do a little afternoon Club Fuckery disco…..
IT’S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG.
November 21, 2011 at 2:23 pm
You’re brilliant. I already planned on buying a Kindle version, but now I think I NEED a fucked up hard copy autographed with something vulgar, so I can put it on my coffee table the next time my husband’s grandmother comes over. (I adore my mother in law, it’s HER mother in law that I just cannot handle without being half in the bag.)
November 21, 2011 at 2:23 pm
So would I. Seriously.
P.S. Keep up the good work!
November 21, 2011 at 2:44 pm
To Genevieve,
You are the regurgitated cum bubble of fans. Keep being a fat slag you perkele loser!
Love Helen and Bronc
November 22, 2011 at 11:05 am
Count me in, too. I hope you didn’t trash those books or have to turn them in to prove the printer fucked up.
November 21, 2011 at 1:44 pm
If you shipped out 2000 packages and only have 4 wrong you’re doing GREAT. Clearly you need to drink more.
November 22, 2011 at 3:48 am
You could’ve just shortened that comment to “You need to drink more,” and it’d fit in just about any Regretsy thread. (Has anyone made a Regretsy Comments drinking game yet?)
November 21, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Sounds like somebody needs a drink (or twelve)
We’re all praying for your sanity, April!!!
November 21, 2011 at 1:47 pm
ELLEN! Because it looks like you have absolutely nothing to do during the day in between massages and martinis, you should have a contest to see who can write the best review of the Finnish book on Amazon. You know, because all of the reviews on Amazon are so honest and well-written.
November 21, 2011 at 2:17 pm
I am ON THAT.
November 21, 2011 at 2:56 pm
AHAHA YES
My parents totally used my account to order shit, I can actually leave reviews now.
/not really an accomplishment
November 21, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Haha Yes! My roommate works for Amazon as a forum moderator. Going to tell him to watch this book carefully and approve all you fat slags’ reviews
November 22, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Your rommatte is an over-caffeinated gerbil?? I never thought those posts were moderated. So, you’re saying that the inane rants (that don’t apply to April’s books) are the approved ones?? I’d hate to think what didn’t pass muster.
November 21, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Regretsy will singlehandedly save the postal service!
November 21, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Hey – what’s Regretsy doing with the other hand?!?!
November 21, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Saving Etsy?
November 21, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Smacking Etsy.
November 21, 2011 at 2:08 pm
I think in some cases it’s closer to bitch-slapping than just a normal smack, really.
November 21, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Masturbating.
November 21, 2011 at 3:14 pm
This seems like the most likely response.
November 21, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Raping people’s dreams, of course.
November 21, 2011 at 4:16 pm
guiding our shit onto the love of hobos.
November 21, 2011 at 4:49 pm
holding goatse open.
November 21, 2011 at 7:36 pm
Damn, that’d pretty talented to be able to do that with just ONE hand.
November 21, 2011 at 7:39 pm
Plugging the dike.
November 21, 2011 at 7:41 pm
Gluing monocles on mustaches.
November 21, 2011 at 6:00 pm
Holding a drink!
November 21, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Holding a raffle.
November 21, 2011 at 7:47 pm
Throwing kittens in front of trains.
November 22, 2011 at 1:31 pm
…from inside the train’s cab, as she leans on the gas pedal. (Not that I have anything against kittens. Really I don’t.)
November 21, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Have you counted your dogs recently? It might be worth doing, just in case.
November 21, 2011 at 2:55 pm
When we bought a new mattress set last year, the company also hauled our old one away. When the delivery men took it, they inspected the box spring. We asked what they were looking for. They said they once hauled away a box spring with a cat inside, and it was hours later that the family realized the cat was missing, and sure enough, it was in the delivery truck. So ever since then, they check.
So yeah, totally possible to ship off a pet
November 21, 2011 at 5:07 pm
If I’d known there was the chance I might get a Boston terrier with my order, I’d have skipped the light bill and gone for the book. Of course, that would have meant I could only read it when the sun is out but I’m a fast reader.
November 21, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Damn those tempting weasel cups! Damn them!
November 21, 2011 at 1:49 pm
I’m tempted to drive over to the bakery tomorrow and stalk the cookies, if they haven’t shipped already.
No, that would be too evil…. or would it?
November 21, 2011 at 2:43 pm
Make sure you press your nose against the glass and flare your nostrils.
November 21, 2011 at 1:54 pm
You’re insane, and we love you. As anxious as I am for a new way to procrastinate, I would rather get my book in a week or two than have you stroke out.
November 21, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Where the fuck is my shit?!??! This POS pill box from CVS just isn’t big enough to fit my normal regimen of happy pills PLUS all the antibiotics and steroids I have to take for my bronchitis and sinus infection. Plus the days of the week have come off said POS pill box so I don’t know which day I’m on…
j/k…I anxiously await your package *snicker
November 21, 2011 at 1:56 pm
I hate being so poor that I can’t afford any of this wonderful shit. But I am enjoying all the whimsicle fuckery it is creating. Joy!
November 21, 2011 at 2:03 pm
I have to say, I’m looking forward to possible extra crap in my parcel! I can’t even really remember what it is that I ordered. Book, thank you note, “worthless bonus item,” and maybe that was it.
Though I did order one of the pre-loaded Hellephants later on. Don’t by any means need another thumb drive but who the hell cares?!
November 21, 2011 at 2:03 pm
You forgot my favorite character, Mighty Max!
November 21, 2011 at 2:14 pm
When the book finally comes out on the Kindle I’ll be staring at mine with anticipation so hard it may burst into flame.
November 22, 2011 at 12:03 am
Then you’ll have a Kindle Fire.
November 21, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Feel free to sweep any excess office supplies, Ding Dong wrappers, dog treats, etc. into mine!
November 21, 2011 at 2:23 pm
But do you still remember when this all seemed like a good idea?
November 21, 2011 at 2:34 pm
You’re lucky you don’t have a feedback section.
I still have a negative feedback that vexes me from last holiday rush. I probably deserved.
Still.
November 21, 2011 at 2:36 pm
I very nearly died laughing when I read the ‘feedback.’
November 21, 2011 at 2:37 pm
This is great and all, but where’s MY book?!
November 21, 2011 at 2:42 pm
I’d like a fukd up book too! Is that possible April – or did you have to send them back???
November 22, 2011 at 9:08 pm
I sent most of them back, but we’re still finding more. When we get home we’ll figure out how many we have and sell them at half price.
November 23, 2011 at 8:37 am
Full-on fuckery at half the price? What a bargain!!!
November 21, 2011 at 2:54 pm
So excited for the book and flask. I don’t care if they show up stuffed in socks and thrown through my front window, it’s beyond worth it.
November 21, 2011 at 3:07 pm
What I want to know is where MY pillbox that I never ordered??
Oh wait.
November 21, 2011 at 3:22 pm
I haven’t gotten anything yet.
I know it’ll come eventually, though, so I’m not worrying. And frankly, I’d rather you guys get a bit of rest before you head to Finland, April and Bronc, and then finish up the stuff when you get home (or, better yet, persuade your mom do it while you’re gone!) — you need to be well-rested enough to be able to enjoy the Finnish fuckery, after all!
November 21, 2011 at 4:48 pm
I live in Canada. I’m sure customs is inspecting my package, saying “Is Whimsicle Fuckery some sort of terrorist codeword? Or are these drugs?” And then they’ll tear my beautiful package open, see the pill boxes and the Finland book and go, “Yep, it’s drugs!”
Woe.
November 21, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Got my pill boxes today!
Holy crap, they are HUGE!!! Way bigger than I thought they would be like, in fact, I don’t think I’ve seen any of this style so big ever! I have a huge one for 7 days with 4 slots a day and these are longer than that big fucker!
Apparently, I need to find myself more drugs and bigger pills!
Got a reaction already from it, the secretary neighbor seemed quite disappointed that not all the days were printed out and actually asked me if I only need my meds on those days. o.O! When I said no, she recommended I request an exchange on my defective boxes! Fun little moment
November 21, 2011 at 3:54 pm
I agree with the secretary – I mean, how on earth are we supposed to figure out all what all those mysterious missing days are? I’m totally flummoxed!
Okay, maybe not. I just like using the word “flummoxed.”
November 21, 2011 at 4:12 pm
I just like that you spelled “flummoxed” properly
And used it in a sentence.
November 21, 2011 at 7:49 pm
“I have a huge one for 7 days with 4 slots a day…”
^ Out-of-context quote-of-the-day!
November 21, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Love my merit badge! I’m a happy camper! At first I thought the CF4L fish was a bonus, but now I think maybe it was meant for someone else? Too bad. It’s going on my scooter as soon as the weather dries out.
November 21, 2011 at 3:37 pm
I loved the card – as everyone else says don’t stroke out, fer chrissakes.
hugs to you both for working your fingers to the nubs for all of us losers out here.
November 21, 2011 at 4:14 pm
I loved the card – as everyone else says don’t stroke out, fer chrissakes.
I second this sentiment, and the card is fantastic (and as the first Christmas card of the year, it has pride of place on our bookshelf)!
November 22, 2011 at 11:44 am
I agree with the sentiments for the card. It made me SO happy to get it and open it. I may have squee’d, but I won’t admit it in court.
On another note, you used “pride of place” correctly. I’m swooning here! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to correct a copyeditor or proofreader who queries “Does author mean ‘place of pride’?” NO!
Yes, that is one of my favorite phrases, and yes, I am a language nerd. Thanks for asking!
November 21, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Now here’s something funny. My wonderful fiance bought me a Regretsy holiday card. You should have seen his face when I got the one *I* ordered first! Poor guy – he didn’t think I’d spend $6 on something like that for myself. It really was a thoughtful gift, and I took the wind out of his sails.
But on the bright side, I now have a BACKUP CF4L FISH for my car. He wants to put it on the front window of our house, but I really don’t want to have to explain that to any of the elderly folks in our neighborhood who might stop by.
November 21, 2011 at 4:00 pm
And before anyone says anything about elderly people not necessarily being conservative or uptight, I need to point out that I live in Indiana.
Still putting it on my car, though, along with my FSM emblem.
November 21, 2011 at 6:10 pm
I’ll be looking for you on the 465.
November 21, 2011 at 7:41 pm
If you see a black Honda Accord with a dark-haired woman yelling at the kids in between drumming on her steering wheel to the beat of “Tom Sawyer,” that’s me.
November 21, 2011 at 3:58 pm
I received my pillboxes Friday – they are AWESOMESAUCE with a side of fuckballs! My first thought on seeing how big they are was, “How much drugs does she think we’re on, anyway?”
My daughter took one look and wants to know why I would only take pills on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I explained it’s a “funny saying” but changed the F-word of course. I can’t wait til she says in front of her teacher, “What the frell!”
November 21, 2011 at 5:38 pm
I did the mistake of getting two :/ I thought I was gonna need the space with all my meds. Never thought they would be this big, kinda goofy to carry around in my purse!
Gonna need a lot of drugs to fill that shit in.
* Lightbulb moment: makes a decent weed dispenser! *
November 21, 2011 at 11:02 pm
Like you said: a lot of drugs.
November 22, 2011 at 6:14 am
I’m using the other pillbox as an m&m dispenser on my desk. had to be sorted by colors, of course!
November 22, 2011 at 7:30 am
Ah, I’m glad I’m not the only one who sorts my M&Ms!
November 22, 2011 at 11:47 am
Wait, you mean there are people who DON’T sort their M&Ms? I’m flabberghasted such people exist.
November 23, 2011 at 8:59 am
My mother used to take a handful of M&Ms, count how many there were of each colour, and eat them selectively until there was the same number of each colour. After which it becomes a simple matter to eat them all evenly.
She wasn’t obsessive-compulsive or anything, she just liked to even out her M&Ms.
November 22, 2011 at 11:46 am
I’m broke so I just went to the dollar store and got a GIANT pillbox and covered up the days except WTF and wrote Regretsy on it. Close enough, although I would have liked to support the Good Works of Regretsyism. It’s a tribute, okay? [starts selling them on etsy at a huge markup].
November 21, 2011 at 4:03 pm
I was so drunk when I ordered mine, I have no memory of what it is I wanted. So anything you send will be a delightful surprise. Honestly, I wake up in a new world every morning.
November 21, 2011 at 4:17 pm
i got my thankyou card and swearing stickers in the mail, and i appreciate the fuck out of it.
<3
November 21, 2011 at 4:20 pm
April, you are scaring the shit out of me because I’m going to have to go through the same thing in another 10 days, but with only one good eye. I can’t get my parents to help, because they are in an urn in my dining room, so I’ve decided to throw a birthday party for myself and barricade the exits until all the tarot decks are packed up.
The guy in charge of shipping at the printers said the monkeys have passed quarantine so the boxes are being slowly moved onto a truck or a rickshaw (we had a bad connection). And I fully expect to get a tracking number within minutes of the phone call from the truck driver asking me which White Castle he turns left at.
November 21, 2011 at 4:23 pm
i’d help, but every time i draw a tarot card it’s the Devil card. i’m not sure what would happen if i was handling large quantities of them for long periods of time.
November 21, 2011 at 4:36 pm
You don’t live in the Southwest do you? I’d be in for help if you’re in driving distance.
November 22, 2011 at 4:53 am
North East by any chance? I’d totally helpout.
November 22, 2011 at 6:20 am
White Castle…probably not Florida, then, darn it. But if it were, I would help.
November 21, 2011 at 4:37 pm
I got my Hellephant, book and patch today.
Let me tell you something, I loved my personal thank you card the most! It made me laugh, how very PERSONAL it was. I laughed out loud and my 8 year old son wanted to know what was so funny and he wanted to see it. I couldn’t very well explain what was so funny, so I just told him it was an adult joke.
November 21, 2011 at 5:00 pm
I just asked Facebook to buy me the Regretsy Weasel Collection®/MD for Christmas.
By Facebook, I mean my Friends’ list.
I really hope someone does! IT WOULD MAKE MY 2011!!!!
November 21, 2011 at 5:12 pm
Flasks will be going out today.
I got my flask today. It’s a flask from the future. Or USPS kicks ass.
November 21, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Definitely a flask from the future.
November 21, 2011 at 8:02 pm
November 21, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Is it filled with re-annual wine?
November 21, 2011 at 6:16 pm
I wonder if April lost track of what I asked for because my requests were so piecemeal. I made a big donation, asked for relatively few items, then later I asked for a flask, then later when things became available for purchase I bought some things, and in between there were some email conversations, and I could hardly blame April if she lost track of what I wanted, but I’ll be so sad if she runs out of things I was expecting that are available in limited quantities (pillbox, flask, both kinds of book, hellephants) plus I’m just hella jealous of all you fuckers who have gotten stuff already. Perkele! I can hardly wait to get my hands on some part of the fuckery you fucking fuckers are fondling right now.
November 21, 2011 at 7:54 pm
Fucking fuckery-fondling fuckers!*
*Someone put that on a sampler!
November 21, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Oh, hon. I can see how tired you are with the shipping and the rewarding and shit. You misspelled “Regretsy” in your post, right under the cookie picture.
If you go sit with your feet up for a minute or so with a drink, no one is going to notice.
November 21, 2011 at 6:54 pm
Even with the wrong address given from an old pay pal account, I received my 2 pill organizers in a lovely package with the Regretsy Lady stamp and the word
erkele” stamped on it and delivered to my proper address! One of them is a gift for my friend in Ireland. The Irish are not consumer whores at Xmas time like us Yanks. I can’t wait to get there, sit next to the tree sipping whiskey, and watch scary “Don’t drink and drive” PSA on the telly with one of my best friends I met backpacking 24 years ago.
November 21, 2011 at 6:51 pm
I am excited I haven’t gotten my book yet. That is my reward for finishing (finnishing) this semester without killing anyone. Much Love to you and Bronc. You can feel free to tell us lazy fat slags to fuck off and wait… we’ll get them when we get them.
VITTU!
November 21, 2011 at 6:59 pm
omg the pillbox is amazeballs! And a flask to go with it. Yeah, Lanus I have a teen too. That I PU at the bus stop as well. Now I am sooo ready–no more boring waits in the car pool line at school. Holla! Thanks HK. Your chihuahua is so cute btw. what’s it’s name? We have three. They pee on my floor while I’m in the carpool lane. Now I’ll be so drunk and the Xanax in my pillbox will be kicking in when I pick up kiddo, that I won’t care.
November 21, 2011 at 7:17 pm
Re=reading my post, I sound like an unfit Mom, hey the kid adores me and says I’m the best mommy ever. Mother’s little helpers. It’s a mad mad world after all. Just trying to cope. Don’t you judge me!
November 22, 2011 at 8:47 am
What post?!
November 22, 2011 at 8:48 am
Argrr, that was a reply to winning above.
November 22, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Yeah, I think that’s her only post on here- unless she has another account and is one of the wine-drinkin’ moms. Whatever keeps you functioning is a-ok in my book. As my own mom says, better living through chemistry.
November 23, 2011 at 12:16 am
Ok, the out-of-context nesting is gone, and looks like winning’s first comment returned.
November 21, 2011 at 7:03 pm
If someone really got an extra Hellephant, I’ll be happy to buy it from you!
November 22, 2011 at 5:39 am
EEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
My order just arrived (UK) and I’m so happy! Flask, Hellephant, card, and stickers, plus PERKELE stamped all over the wrappings. No personal thank-you note (awww), but on the other hand I’ve got a bonus April signature on the customs form.
Excited photo to follow as soon as my husband wakes up from his afternoon nap.
Now I’m going to have to explain goatse to him. And the Finnish stickers.
November 22, 2011 at 5:41 am
More fun from Finland: How to Open a Door.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wof0xPUmW38
November 22, 2011 at 5:44 am
And here’s Cybercandy’s Finnish section, for those in the UK:
http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/aaasmt/index.php/url_pmet3/xdbc_120/dbtc_1/pic_1/add_44112/stc_1/scope_short
November 22, 2011 at 9:36 pm
Well that was delightfully weird. I especially enjoyed the turning hop over the threshold at 1:16. And the mustache was downright Cornwellian!
November 22, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Be sure to greet everyone with “Haista vittu!” It means “hello” in Finnish.
Okay, actually it means, sniff c*nt. But it’s the standard greeting.
November 22, 2011 at 6:51 pm
Received my HELLEPHANT today and LOVE IT. Safe travels tomorrow!
November 22, 2011 at 8:55 pm
I just finished the book, and…
Helen, you mad genius. That was brilliant and beautiful and makes me love Finland more than ever, a statement that falsely assumes I loved Finland before this.
Perkele!
November 22, 2011 at 9:50 pm
After an anxious day checking my email, I was finally able to download the book about an hour and a half ago. Half an hour of driving my wife nuts with laughter, I was done. An hour later (having been distracted by vodka) I’m here to say: it was excellent! The introduction alone is worth the price.
Although, as a person of some Swedish descent who has been in Finland, I have to say that the warnings are not entirely accurate. Sure, the Finns use Swedes for medical experiments, but they are usually neither fatal nor anal in nature, and I myself was released after just two years. This may be because I am only 1/4 Swedish, however.
November 25, 2011 at 12:12 am
Yeah, you throw off the results.
November 22, 2011 at 10:00 pm
Thank you for writing this terrible awesome book, I loved it.
November 24, 2011 at 9:46 pm
OMG I GOT MY SHIT ALREADY.
Thank you so much, I have to go change my pants now.
I’m probably missing a “bonus worthless item” or something, but I honestly don’t give a fuck. You paid like three times the postage I gave you anyway.
November 25, 2011 at 11:37 am
Got mine when I went into work today! Everything I ordered, plus a hand-written note – thanks, April! – and some stickers saying something I cannot understand.
WORST THANKSGIVING EVER.
November 25, 2011 at 4:02 pm
I got my pillbox successfully and no complaints. Makes making my many anxiety, stomach, and vitamin pills great fun.
November 28, 2011 at 4:34 pm
I would like to say this… Got my book today and I love it! And the note as well as the flash drive and some stickers with a dog who looks like he just made an oopsie.
And you know what? I love it all! I even put off my novel writing just to read the first folktale. April and gang, you guys are awesome! Thank you!
Perkele! (I want that stamp by the way…)
December 1, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Well, I ordered a Hellephant and got a book and no Hellephant and I don’t know what to do now. Very confusing.
December 1, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Email me and I’ll take care of it.