Thinking Outside The Box
This post first appeared on Regretsy on November 28, 2009
Oh it’s impressive and all, but it really would have been something if she’d painted a picture of a vagina with her vagina. Then she could have framed the whole thing in tampons and called it “Herotica,” and Sarah Lawrence would have bought it for the Fallopian Studies building.
November 13, 2011 at 3:33 pm
I cunt believe twat I’m looking at.
November 13, 2011 at 3:34 pm
I know, I am clitorally stunned.
November 13, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Yeah, this is ridiculous. Um…
Labia.
November 14, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Perfect buyer for this type of art
November 13, 2011 at 4:00 pm
The painting with her vagina part is a Lie-bia… There are mons of evidence that suggest this to be so…
November 13, 2011 at 6:16 pm
I bet potential buyers are falloipan themselves to purchase this thing.
November 13, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Dear artist: There is an “r” in “brush.”
November 13, 2011 at 3:37 pm
now now Lemon … dont tell me you are one in those million who missed the double ‘the’ *winks* when focused on the bush
November 13, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Yeah, that was a giant clue.
November 13, 2011 at 3:33 pm
This isn’t a painting…
She inked herself up and stamped the “canvas”.
I’d like to know how the piece is completely flat after that…
November 13, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Perhaps she’s just very heavy.
November 13, 2011 at 4:08 pm
Perhaps it wasn’t so much squat & thrust but she has great vag muscles & it actually “held” the brush? I’m trying not to think too much about it.
November 13, 2011 at 4:20 pm
What I find most disturbing (other than the fact we now know what Smurfette’s period looks like) is the phrase “painted with a vagina.”
“A” vagina? That’s a bit too ambiguous for me – was it hers’, a friend’s, did she just find one by the side of the road, sneak up behind someone or what?
November 13, 2011 at 7:56 pm
That got to me too. Can just she her opening her junk drawer, “hmm, spare key, tape, old breath mints, ahh, a bajingo! Perfect.” Runs to studio.
November 13, 2011 at 8:51 pm
Or there is this option.
November 13, 2011 at 3:34 pm
Georgia O’ Keefe is weeping somewhere…..
November 13, 2011 at 5:43 pm
YES! This↑↑↑
November 13, 2011 at 6:14 pm
Georgia O’Queef, you mean?
November 14, 2011 at 6:19 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
November 16, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Maybe this image search (which popped up as soon as as suggestion after I typed “Georgia O’Keeffe v”) will answer your question:
georgia o’keeffe vulva paintings
November 13, 2011 at 3:36 pm
Not half as talented as purple paint guy.
November 13, 2011 at 4:25 pm
Ass not what you can do for your “art”—done in your own artisitic ability—ass what your “art” can do for you.
November 13, 2011 at 3:36 pm
There are some suspicious-looking voids in her twat. Better call CSI.
November 13, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Is she bald?
November 13, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Considering the paint thinner involved, I bet she is now if she wasn’t before.
November 13, 2011 at 6:00 pm
she use acrylics, they thin with water.
But if she let the paint dry…
November 13, 2011 at 3:37 pm
I looked at the “painting” for a bit before I scrolled down to read. I thought to myself as I stared, that kind of looks like, nooo nobody would…then I scrolled down and saw that they did. I sent the link to my husband just to see his face when he figures it out. hahaha!
November 13, 2011 at 3:44 pm
His face when he saw that… Priceless. All he could say was why?
November 14, 2011 at 3:55 am
My husband looked at it and immediately said, “That’s a vulva, not a vagina.”
November 14, 2011 at 9:33 am
I love your husband.
…
No, I mean…
It’s platonic.
November 14, 2011 at 4:39 pm
He makes oatmeal cookies, too. Nyah nyah!
November 15, 2011 at 10:19 am
Good for your husband. I get really annoyed at people, especially people who own said body parts, who don’t know the difference between a vulva and a vagina.
November 13, 2011 at 3:39 pm
That’s not paint. That’s the result of some kind of infection.
November 13, 2011 at 3:39 pm
What, no menstrual fluids?
Squat on a canvas during your period, call it “organic self-sourced natural empowering wombyn OOAK steampunk bajino twatwaffling”.
No, please don’t. It will match too well with the placenta print in the hallway.
November 13, 2011 at 3:44 pm
OOAK?
And hey!
What are us fellas supposed to do to get empowered? We don’t even have menstrual flow!
Although, the word men is in menstrual….
November 13, 2011 at 3:47 pm
OOAK = One Of A Kind, apparently. An acronym to use when you use no other acronym in your description.
Cover your wang in paint, angrily thrust at a canvas, mention something about impotence/frustration in the description.
November 13, 2011 at 3:52 pm
But I’m really not that frustrated. My sekrit love affair with Jason Statham and Chris Meloni is going really well…
I mean…*whistle innocently*
November 13, 2011 at 11:31 pm
In that case, take pictures of all three of you and post them here for artistic criticism.
November 13, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Paint your penis, then whip it around a bit for a nice spatter effect? Title it “Not Dicking Around”
November 13, 2011 at 5:10 pm
NSFW Alert!
http://pricasso.com/portraits_2.html
It’s been done, Aliceblue…
November 13, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Oh fuck a duck! I surrender. True life is just weirder than anything that I can imagine.
November 13, 2011 at 7:51 pm
I know! Shit gets weirder every day!
Anyway, considering the guy (Pricasso) paints those portraits with his junk, they are not too bad at all. However, the fact that they WERE painted with his penis would make me wary of touching it! LOL!
As for the vagoo “painting”, I’m speechless…..
November 15, 2011 at 4:23 am
I showed my husband the Pricasso portraiture. His comment: “Oh God. I bet he’s Australian.”
So we looked at the home page. Yep, he’s Australian.
November 13, 2011 at 5:06 pm
look up “i whip my hair back an forth” no recreate it with your junk
November 13, 2011 at 5:07 pm
i whip my wang back and forth i whip my wang back and forth “sings”
November 13, 2011 at 5:41 pm
now whip it
into shape
shape it up
get straight
go forward
move ahead
try to detect it
it’s not too late
to whip it
into shape
shape it up
get straight
go forward
move ahead
try to detect it
it’s not too late
to whip it
whip it good
November 13, 2011 at 7:49 pm
Ah Aaron! Someone of my own generation! You know who Devo are! LOL!
November 13, 2011 at 10:20 pm
I wonder where you can get a really tiny flower pot for your head’s head?
November 14, 2011 at 11:03 am
Aliceblue, add some feathers and that would make an adorable fascinator!
November 14, 2011 at 10:02 pm
Are we not men?
November 13, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Heaven forbid we be too “matchy matchy” in the decor! Wouldn’t wanna be gouache, would we?
November 13, 2011 at 3:43 pm
well I’ll be impressed
November 13, 2011 at 3:44 pm
looks like a vulva to me………………..
November 13, 2011 at 3:46 pm
I was about to post that–I mean, I hate to be pedantic and all, but….
November 13, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Yeah, me too. The vagina is an *internal* organ, people!
…although, she says, “A vagina,” not “my vagina,” so maybe she got, like, a cow vagina out of a slaughterhouse dumpster, doused it in paint, and slapped it against the canvas.
What am I thinking; a cow vagina would be too big. Sheep vagina, maybe. Or pig.
November 14, 2011 at 10:03 pm
Or a pocket pussy.
November 13, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Not pedantic at all. I mean, if someone is obsessed enough with their lady-parts to want to paint with them, they should at least know the proper names.
November 13, 2011 at 11:37 pm
“Norma” and “Madeleine” are reasonably proper. “Cherry” and “Miss Tequila” are not.
November 13, 2011 at 4:22 pm
I don’t have one, but even I know that the vagina is the passage to the uterus. If she can actually get her vagina in contact with a flat canvas then I am impressed.
I guess “painted with a labia” isn’t as catchy.
November 13, 2011 at 4:47 pm
nor as grammatically correct?
November 13, 2011 at 5:01 pm
I just had a great mental image of the artist douching with paint, then rolling up the canvas like a tampon and stuffing it up there, to truly paint with her vagina.
November 14, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Of course, maybe she holds the brush with her vagina (sort of like, painted by hand, only less precise).
Wombyn multitasking: kegels + making something in her artistic ability = priceless
November 13, 2011 at 3:47 pm
I feel like you’ve just dared me. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
November 13, 2011 at 3:47 pm
SOLD already? Which of you sickos bought it?
November 13, 2011 at 3:50 pm
It’s an “upcycled post”, so it’s had 2 years to sell.
It might be in a university library somewhere. My university’s library has a rather yonic (yes, that’s the female equivalent word for “phallic”) print in the main foyer.
November 13, 2011 at 4:20 pm
Oh man, I didn’t even realize that we were up to two years now on these posts. I feel so old.
People seemed to smile more then. There was music in the park, etc., etc.
November 14, 2011 at 10:09 am
Yonic is my new favourite word! (Thank you for that.) I have a meeting with my son’s preschool teacher today; let’s see if I can sneak into the conversation.
November 15, 2011 at 4:25 am
I smirked when reading “Watership Down”. Apparently “yoni” is the rabbit word for a hedgehog. Richard Adams is a master of words; he knew exactly what he was doing.
November 13, 2011 at 3:48 pm
I’m curious what positioning this piece requires. I suppose missionary’s not going to cut it.
November 13, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Reverse Cowgirl?
November 13, 2011 at 4:01 pm
I think that I know the Fallopian Studies building. It was designed to have two entrances, one each from the south and west wings. The wings lead to a central rotunda with an “exit only” door? However, upon building, it was discovered that a lot of people, mostly guys, find it fun to go in the exit.
November 13, 2011 at 4:24 pm
She’s gonna get a wicked UTI with all that paint on her hooha.
November 13, 2011 at 4:36 pm
This really should have been entitled, “Blue Waffle”.
November 13, 2011 at 4:50 pm
how can she paint with her vagina when its INSIDE her body???
when oh when are women going to learn their own anatomy!!!!!!!!!!
November 13, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Dear Woumbyninsts:
Your vulva is NOT the same thing as your vagina. Your vulva is the area that includes your mons, labia, and clitoris, or as you may call it, your “Paint Bush”. The vagina is the canal, or as you may call it, your “paint tube”.
If you’re gonna “Defend” the parts, know what they are AND where they are.
Sincerely,
The Rest of Us
November 13, 2011 at 5:10 pm
i actually had aa 30 year old (lesbian) woman say to me “i think i am going to have my cervix removed so i dont have periods.” i asked her if she was an idiot and walked away.
November 13, 2011 at 5:13 pm
note i only added the lesbian part because i think if you wear a ladies undercarriage on your face for any length of time that you should know what it is.
November 13, 2011 at 5:51 pm
I dunno…I just refer to all of it as “the thingy.”
November 13, 2011 at 6:30 pm
I’m a lesbian and I agree.
Also, this lady turned her labia into a YAY-BIA!
November 14, 2011 at 8:57 am
orly…(phone number)
November 13, 2011 at 7:23 pm
Well, I’d think that if you removed the cervix, you probably wouldn’t have periods. I’m not quite sure what would happen every month, but I’m pretty sure you’d either have awful bloating, leading to a uterine rupture, or some sort of freaky-awful infection.
November 13, 2011 at 7:24 pm
Well I just googled it, and found lovely words like “cryptomenorrhea” and “hematosalpinx.” Really, these could just be avoided if she removed her uterus instead of her cervix.
November 13, 2011 at 9:54 pm
After I went over male and female reproductive anatomy with my biology majors, I went over birth control methods and basics about how they work. I mentioned male sterilization involves cutting the vas deferens and female sterilization involves cutting and ligating the fallopian tubes. One of my more brilliant students asked me the difference between male and female sterilization. He was unaware that females lack a vas deferens.
November 13, 2011 at 11:45 pm
Was he aware that most of us females lack a penis or testicles?
November 14, 2011 at 3:30 am
You do? Oh, shit.
SheHe was lying to me.November 14, 2011 at 10:12 am
My Psych 104 professor gave a 2 day lecture on the female orgasm (with a test at the end.) When asked what it had to do with our current topic, she said “Nothing. But they wouldn’t let me make into course of it’s own. These boys need to learn!”
November 13, 2011 at 6:09 pm
This is giving me that “not so fresh” feeling.
November 13, 2011 at 6:12 pm
Questions for artists. Is their some artistic standard that orifice paintings must be done in blue?
November 13, 2011 at 6:40 pm
I think so. The precedent was started when the term “Blue Balls” came into effect in the Great Phallic Paint-off of 1802. Sir Bob of Ross dipped his nuts in the paint to add stippling to the “Happy Little Trees” he was painting in his piece he titled “Blue Poon Lagoon” From there, painting with your Phallus and Balls became “The Ross Technique”, with the preferred shade being blue as an honorarium to “Olde Ballsy”.
It was then confirmed into daily use when a woman’s paint group online, with members known only as “TubbeGurllxxx”, “Tewgurllz”, and “Unocupp” did a guerrilla style “Bajingo Graffiti Revolution” of various local monuments in Salt Lake City. Their most impressive piece was labeled the “Blue Waffle” for the sheer number of prints upon the local dine-in breakfast joint. The only reason given behind their color choice was that it was “pretty” and didn’t show as well against their dark pubic bush…
November 13, 2011 at 8:43 pm
Another truly awesome Regretsy PSA!
November 13, 2011 at 6:36 pm
16×20? Talk about a hot dog down a hall way…
November 13, 2011 at 7:26 pm
I think most of the big questions have been addressed. But I have one more: what shape are canvasses normally? I mean, she’s stressing flat, but aren’t they usually? I know you can stretch them around a frame, but that would still be a flat surface. Does she normally make spherical canvasses?
November 13, 2011 at 7:52 pm
I bet she could paint a Penis using her Vagina, and she wouldn’t need a canvas.
November 13, 2011 at 8:17 pm
must be going through her blue period.
November 13, 2011 at 8:55 pm
Her flat canvas really gives it that bleeding blue waffle feel.
November 14, 2011 at 4:22 am
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November 14, 2011 at 6:21 am
One of the “vagina’s” looks way to big whereas some of the others are more realistic. If all of these are from the same woman and are infact “stamped” on then how the hell did she pull that off and if so – impressive!
November 14, 2011 at 6:23 am
Side note – I sure hope did not do this whilst having a yeast infection or that painting might get a lil moldy – then it will really have some fur though!
November 14, 2011 at 9:48 am
Couldn’t you could mix yogurt with the paint to prevent yeast infection.
November 14, 2011 at 9:20 pm
Could somebody please explain to me why she felt the need to say that the canvas had to be flat? And does she mean flat during the painting process, or flat while on display?
November 15, 2011 at 4:28 am
I figured it’s a misprint for “canvas is NOT completely flat”. Which it wouldn’t be for the painting process, and also would be something you might feel obliged to point out.
November 20, 2011 at 9:48 am
Painted with a *vagina*? I would have assumed vulva. If this woman can turn her birth canal inside-out and expel it from her body long enough to paint with it, she’s wasting her talent on Etsy.
December 6, 2011 at 7:59 pm
I’m pretty sure there’s a face in the bottom left corner…Future children begging her not to bring them into this world.