Snow Job
ALSO AVAILABLE IN RED
I know people think it’s easy to take bad photos, but it really isn’t. Cameras are so sophisticated these days that you really have to do a shitty job like this.
For example, when I went to the Smithsonian a few years ago, I took hundreds of photos, and this was really the only one that was bad enough to be Etsy quality.
So you, know, if you want to give me $35 for that, I can print it out on luster paper and put it in a sleeve for you.
By the way, it also comes in red.
November 11, 2011 at 9:57 am
Perhaps she licks windows too
November 11, 2011 at 10:01 am
Only if they have metal frames.
November 11, 2011 at 10:46 am
right after she ate the lead paint chips.
November 11, 2011 at 10:49 am
That would be worth the $$$
November 11, 2011 at 9:57 am
I’ll take it in blue, please.
November 11, 2011 at 9:59 am
Periwinkle, specifically.
November 11, 2011 at 10:06 am
I’ve made yellow snow and I didn’t need no Adobe lightroom editing.
November 11, 2011 at 10:46 am
Open up an Etsy shop—customized yellow-snow engravings, preserved forever in photographs on luster paper by epson.
You might want to limit the number of letters or characters depending on your bladder capacity.
November 11, 2011 at 11:10 am
You get me a six pack and I’ll get you the Declaration of Independence.
November 11, 2011 at 11:18 am
Did you see the size of Monkey 33′s John Hancock???!
November 11, 2011 at 11:54 am
Hey- I only show my John Hancock to people who show me Ben Franklin
November 11, 2011 at 3:30 pm
What if I showed you my Dolly Madison?
November 11, 2011 at 6:40 pm
I actually kind of love this idea.
November 12, 2011 at 8:25 pm
For a man to pull this of he’d need to have pretty good penismanship. For a woman, strong thighs.
November 11, 2011 at 9:57 am
Why can’t the paparazzi take a lesson from this guy?
November 11, 2011 at 10:13 am
you’re back!
November 13, 2011 at 10:20 am
I was missed?
November 11, 2011 at 9:58 am
2 Photos, 1 Sleeve, the new shock video sensation. It gives you a migraine as soon as you see it.
November 11, 2011 at 10:51 am
It’s a bargain! Two sleeves alone are $50, so for another $25 you get the photo, which normally retails for $35. Better still—it’s like getting one sleeve for $40 and another for only $10. And the photo, for only $25.
November 11, 2011 at 11:01 am
MugsyDoodle – Once again you have managed to plunge my mind into weirdness.
November 11, 2011 at 11:15 am
Act now and you’ll get – the two sleeves, the photo, the other photo, the slanket AAAAAAAAND we’ll throw in the cat-fluffer, all for the LOW,LOW price of $49.99!
(cat not included)
November 11, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Cat fluffer…Do they use them for feline porn flicks?
November 11, 2011 at 12:39 pm
So glad I wasn’t the only one thinking that.
November 11, 2011 at 8:59 pm
November 11, 2011 at 9:59 am
And isn’t she telling us she did nothing really?
November 11, 2011 at 10:10 am
Well, it looks like she may have vaccumed the carpet, that counts for something, right?
(couldn’t a photographer have found a better place to photo something than on the floor??)
November 11, 2011 at 11:07 am
For instance, some barn wood?
November 11, 2011 at 10:00 am
I like HK’s red one, if I could crop out that educational plaque. It’s like a space steampunk pirate Finnish raver on Mars look.
November 11, 2011 at 10:10 am
Finnish Raver Steampunk Pirate on Mars smoking a joint
Am I supposed to be wondering why her photo has that smoke over it?
November 11, 2011 at 10:20 am
I got exactly that effect from taking photos with a 40-year old Polaroid camera and film. But unless she collects obsolete camera equipment, the explanation for hers is probably different.
November 11, 2011 at 10:47 am
Maybe HK caught a ghost?
November 11, 2011 at 10:23 am
$35 and it’s yours, with a plastic sleeve, HK said so.
November 11, 2011 at 10:00 am
I bet there’s some fat, jealous loser out there who’s going to buy one of these pictures for the charity fund. I salute them.
November 11, 2011 at 10:23 am
Who said anything about charity? I’M BOUT TO GET RICH Y’ALL
November 11, 2011 at 11:01 am
I was all set to hit the “Buy Now” button when I thought “hey, let’s take a stroll through the comments first.”
November 11, 2011 at 12:21 pm
I did hit the buy now button just to see…then, horrified, skedaddled to hit the back button.
November 11, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Have you sold any yet?
I would totally buy one, but I’m living off the money kids pay me to buy beer for them
November 11, 2011 at 11:11 pm
HK – I think your photo is quite good and I actually majored in Photography in college, so there! (But, of course, that doesn’t mean I know anything….)
November 11, 2011 at 10:00 am
Grandma got run over by a reindeer. I took some photos I thought I could sell. Turns out all I really got was snow. Now I’ve got no cash and I’m bound for hell.
(That photo is so inspiring…just not in a good way)
November 11, 2011 at 10:38 am
Oh, but you’re wrong—it inspired you to improve on lyrics from a “song” that eats away at our holiday souls, a bite every time it’s played, leaving us to start the new year soulless.
Thanks!!!
November 11, 2011 at 10:12 am
I’m going to give this the benefit of the doubt by assuming the seller has such a shitty yard that this was the most beautiful way they could capture an image of snow.
Unless their lazy ass didn’t want to put on a coat and boots THEN walk all the way outside
November 11, 2011 at 10:39 am
One for the latter, please! The seller even put the camera on a tripod. Had no desire to try and hold the camera steady.
November 12, 2011 at 8:17 am
We have an ultra-shitty yard, and I managed to get this last year. Which isn’t much of a picture, but it’s better than the seller’s. So I guess it must be worth $40.
November 12, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Is that available in red?
November 13, 2011 at 7:30 am
Please no, it would look like a sideways bajingo if it was in red.
November 13, 2011 at 10:21 am
…which is why she should charge $10 extra for red.
November 13, 2011 at 9:00 pm
BRAIN PORN!!!
It’s a thinker!
November 15, 2011 at 4:07 am
(Sorry I’ve been unavoidably detained by work.)
Now available SIDEWAYS and IN RED! Titled “Fence Bajingo”, exclusive to Regretsy.
<img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6117/6347397486_deda38d432.jpg"?
November 15, 2011 at 4:08 am
Oh crap. Let’s try again, without typos.
November 11, 2011 at 10:13 am
Her sold item cracks me up! Pictures of the backs of peoples’ heads at Radio City.
November 11, 2011 at 10:28 am
And they have the date stamps on them. Seriously, who buys this kind of stuff? I can take perfectly awful pictures all on my own.
November 11, 2011 at 12:21 pm
I notice they started about the time that those photos of a college guy on vacation and in a hotel room were on the front page repeatedly. If you see that stuff on the front page, you could easily think that that is the level of photography people like.
November 11, 2011 at 12:20 pm
I like that one of the three people that favorited her is called “Fuzzy Details’
I think that’s appropriate.
November 11, 2011 at 10:13 am
Do you take custom orders? Could I possibly get a photo, preferrably in teal, of your refrigerator door handle, and also one of your closet door (I don’t care which room)? The door should be in sepia tones. Convo me with an estimate.
November 11, 2011 at 10:17 am
Call it a ghost photo and you can triple the price.
November 11, 2011 at 10:42 am
You mean Helen’s, right? That was my first thought—”Oooh, an 18th-century ghost! She could send it to George Noory and he might even mention it on the air.” Doofus (him, not you).
November 11, 2011 at 10:20 am
I like how the seller was careful to put the date mark on the images. Wouldn’t want someone stealing her valuable art!
November 11, 2011 at 11:32 am
If she adjusted the time stamp in her camera, she could predate it by a few decades…Vintage Snowy Window. How nostalgic that would be.
November 11, 2011 at 10:29 am
If the seller were to title it “Satan’s Snowstorm” or such fuckery, sadly I know a few peeps that would probably buy it. My cunt bleeds for humanity.
November 11, 2011 at 10:31 am
Snow Falling On Suckers.
November 11, 2011 at 12:23 pm
You menstruate for humanity? How wombynly!
November 11, 2011 at 2:22 pm
One small drip for men, one giant flow for menstruation!
November 12, 2011 at 8:19 am
OH THE HUMANITY
November 11, 2011 at 10:31 am
Wait…. the photographer took a digital picture of a digital print? Why I just might pay for the redundancy!
November 11, 2011 at 11:04 am
Why I just might pay for the redundancy too!!
November 11, 2011 at 12:11 pm
It’s not redundancy, it’s meta. That tells you it’s art.
November 11, 2011 at 10:33 am
I thought it was glitter on photo paper to be honest. I want to buy yours just because it made me laugh so hard I almost shit myself. Though the shitting myself could be because I ate mexican
November 11, 2011 at 10:36 am
If I had a cock, I’d hold out for the blow job.
November 11, 2011 at 10:44 am
Don’t forget the protective sleeve! Lord knows where that seller has been. (Other than Radio City, that is.)
November 11, 2011 at 10:46 am
Two photos, one sleeve? If you throw in eight maids a-milking, I’ll give you a thousand.
November 11, 2011 at 11:36 am
Where will you find a thousand maids a-milking?
November 11, 2011 at 11:53 am
The Duggar’s basement? I hear she’s going for #20.
November 11, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Upscumbag’s downstairs bathroom?
November 11, 2011 at 10:47 am
And what a poignant way to celebrate Veterans Day. With a shitty picture of a military uniform.
Those windows are the windows into the soul of the Etsy crapy photography symposium.
November 11, 2011 at 10:47 am
I clicked through to the seller’s shop. If you want some blurry pictures of Joel McHale taken from stage right, then I have some good news for you.
In other news…I considered putting some of my own photos up on Etsy, but decided they weren’t good enough. I’m rethinking that.
November 12, 2011 at 6:34 am
Tura, people have bought photos of my homemade Halloween decorations on Etsy and ArtFire. Do not underestimate the market for unique photography on those sites.
November 13, 2011 at 4:10 pm
I’m just excited that I finally found someone who will let me pay $35 for pictures of their nephew’s dog.
November 11, 2011 at 10:49 am
Did she buy an slr and think she was now a real photoghrapher?
November 11, 2011 at 10:52 am
What did I learn from clicking through her shop?
There might actually be a redeeming photo or two.
She has poor taste in music.
Her ‘concert’ photos have the date printed on them.
She is an etsy cupcake if she thinks anyone will pay $35 for her crappy snapshots.
November 13, 2011 at 4:12 pm
I clicked through her shop and felt bad for Ringo Starr.
November 11, 2011 at 10:57 am
Ah yes, this would be useful. Because where I live, I definetly lack windows, snow and cameras, being Canadian and all.
November 11, 2011 at 11:00 am
Most excellent snark -
November 11, 2011 at 10:59 am
She goes to lots of mediocre events. Justin Timberlake, The Spice Girls, Brittany Spears – sigh*
But the one that made me cringe was Dane Cook. Ok, I cringed at all of them except I have a old lady crush on Joel McHale.
She must have lots of money laying around to throw at bad acts…And for printing shitty photos of them and windows.
November 11, 2011 at 11:08 am
I have an entire album of Regretsy-inspired photos on my Flickr.
And now I have a project for Winter!
Thanks, Regretsy!
November 11, 2011 at 12:16 pm
Those photos rock! When are you opening your shop? Christmas is coming!
November 11, 2011 at 12:28 pm
“How much do you want for a diptych of Highway 50 West Through my Dirty Windshield- Sunny” and “Highway 50 West Through my Dirty Windshield- Cloudy”?
I haven’t gotten a present for my mother-in-law yet.
November 11, 2011 at 12:43 pm
please tell me you were driving when these were taken… it adds to the danger level.
November 11, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Fuck yes! I was driving. A couple were taken at a stoplight, but yeah, driving.
Up till December of 2009, my sunset photos were taken while driving (usually around 55 MPH because the best shots were on the stretch of county highway where the speed dropped from 55 to 50).
November 11, 2011 at 12:44 pm
Dudes… dudes… And by “dudes”, I mean chicks… seriously, I already have a shop.
But these, these are true art and I could never sell them.
November 11, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Oh come on. Not even Michael Jackson stepping from one boobshelf to the next?
November 11, 2011 at 11:25 am
I’ve got to stop deleting accidental, blurry pictures off my phone. I’m missing out on making contributions to art, science and my wallet! What a maroon! Hey, that’s a good title for either of the red pictures.
November 11, 2011 at 11:44 am
It was snowing on June 21st?!
November 11, 2011 at 11:45 am
NEVER MIND. I’m still Drunk.
November 12, 2011 at 2:18 pm
The dates upset me too.
Cure:
Regretsicle.
OJ, some vanilla ice cream, a bit of ice and a bunch of vodka. Blend repeatedly until staggering.
November 16, 2011 at 9:45 am
Don’t worry. The date stamp isn’t on the print; it’s on the picture of the print. The original picture was taken some six months earlier, but it took a while to print it on luster paper by Epson, put it in a protective sleeve, AND set up a product photoshoot.
November 11, 2011 at 11:45 am
Is it bad that it took me a minute to realize that “Red Snowy Window” was actually snow put through a Photoshop filter?
For a minute it looked like something much worse. Like triple-moon-goddess level.
November 11, 2011 at 12:24 pm
So, I have a ton of double-exposed pictures from my high school trip to D.C. I’m thinking, double the picture, double the price, right? I could be rich!
November 11, 2011 at 12:30 pm
I have a shitload of Etsy quality photographs…I also have an Essential Tremor.
November 11, 2011 at 12:34 pm
I think Snowy Window and Red Snowy Window just need new titles—make up a story, just like Etsy always tells us. How about “Driving Dans la Niege” and “La Gazelle et Le Windshield.” Much more whimsicle, n’est-ce pas?
November 11, 2011 at 3:41 pm
Snow White and Rose Red. A hip reinterpretation of the old tale, deconstructing their corporal essences down to the mere color representations. This allows the viewers to create their own versions of the story in light of each persons own cultural and life experiences.
November 11, 2011 at 6:12 pm
ignore this please
November 11, 2011 at 12:36 pm
When I got home today there was a dead cardinal in the planter on my porch… must have hit the window. If I take a picture and change the color could I sell it for $35? After all, someone has to care about the dead bird.
November 11, 2011 at 12:54 pm
I’ve got an idea—make a half dozen prints and gradually lighten the color of the bird in each one. Last photo: bird is gray because bird is dead. Title: “Not a Winning Cardinal.”
November 11, 2011 at 3:45 pm
After you take the pictures use the feathers to make an extremity collar and then leave the carcase in your backyard until Spring & use the remains to make a fascinator. One dead bird = multiple suckers.
November 11, 2011 at 3:56 pm
I bow to your awesomeness, once again!
November 11, 2011 at 1:01 pm
I wonder if it’s all part of an elaborate scheme to sell cocaine by mail. Buy an overpriced photo of “snow” and get a little vial of “snow.” It’s not like anyone is going to buy the damn photo for aesthetic reasons. (I would hope)
(I heard of a KFC drive through that sold pot that way, the off-menu “Bucket of Biscuits” was really a bag of weed.)
November 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm
This seller calls herself a photographer in her Etsy profile. Whenever someone says they’re a photographer, there’s a 99% chance that they’re not.
November 11, 2011 at 1:34 pm
I want to know. Do people really buy this shit?
November 11, 2011 at 1:35 pm
SHUT THE FUCK UP… she’s selling photo’s from about 40 rows from the stage at a BACKSTREET BOYS CONCERT.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/84455284/backstreet-boys-concert-photos?ref=v1_other_2
Cloak needs a birthday present… I think I just found it!
November 12, 2011 at 7:30 am
She says the photos are from July 16th, but the datestamp says it was September. herpderp
November 16, 2011 at 9:52 am
I’ve been looking for an extremely gray photo with a date stamp as the focal point for my formal living room. One of these 4×6 prints in a 48×72 double mat would be stunning.
November 16, 2011 at 9:56 am
Never mind. I’m going with this instead. http://www.etsy.com/listing/78066010/backstreet-boys-collage?ref=v1_other_1
November 11, 2011 at 1:40 pm
My favourite is this:
“i took this photo in my house one night. the lights were on to show some light.”
WOW.
Also, snow window pic. If you live anywhere in the midwest or up north, I’m just SURE you’re going to want to have one of those in your house, framed, right next to the real window with snow (but I guess it won’t be red?).
November 11, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Unless the cops are outside.
(Around here; red-white-blue = cops, red-white = ambulance or fire department, yellow = non-emergency hazard.)
November 12, 2011 at 8:23 am
“i took this photo in my house one night. the lights were on to show some light.”
A photographer AND a poet!
November 11, 2011 at 1:49 pm
I was SO tempted to pay for “2 photos 1 sleeve”, then take blurry pictures of the product and sell them back on Etsy…but irony’s too expensive. $200 can buy me a lot of hydrocodone.
November 11, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Add some bullshit about how the foggy blur is really evidence of a residual haunting and you’ve got yourself a goldmine.
November 11, 2011 at 2:36 pm
I hate Etsy photographers.
November 11, 2011 at 2:45 pm
So, HK, is that the Hall of Presidents? I think I have some phone pictures of dinosaurs from the Natural History Museum that are about that same quality.
November 11, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Gee, I’m in her shop and I can’t decide… “dog in bed” or “dog on bed”? Somebody help!
November 11, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Don’t you love how she loves the way the dog seems to blend into the bedspread? It’s called overexposure of the film, but hey, as long as she’s selling a bad photo of her dog, let’s put an Etsy spin on it
November 11, 2011 at 5:40 pm
One sleeve two photos, it is indeed 3 times more exclusive than two photos and two sleeves, now I see it XD
Wonderful work!
On a more serious note, I remember taking this exact type of snow photo when I got my camera. :I And I also thought about printing it out, now I feel just stupid for not doing so.
November 11, 2011 at 5:59 pm
‘i made this collage of all the nsync photos that they used to sell in packs. since no one really buys single pics of them anymore i figured i would make a collage so they are all on one big frame.’
Things I didn’t know before right now:
1) They used to sell packs of Nsync photos
2) That you could reasonably expect to break up a pack of these pictures and sell them singly, but that era is now but a hazy memory
2a) Perhaps people’s interest could be renewed by the convenience and glamour of ‘one big frame.’ Someone had that thought.
3) That a collage should have enough whitespace between every butchered photo for you to finally use up those bouquet sticker packs you’ve had since Easter 1997.
November 11, 2011 at 6:15 pm
Hell, I might just buy it and stick it on my window. How often am I going to see snow in Australia? Actually I could spend hours staring at it when I am pissed to the gunwales. I can see two little men, and a horse, and someone having sex with a goat..Oh, my mistake that’s the neighour in his yard.
November 11, 2011 at 6:41 pm
I call this masterpiece “Getting Some Tail” $35
November 11, 2011 at 6:59 pm
HAWT
November 11, 2011 at 10:10 pm
Masterpiece indeed!
November 12, 2011 at 10:10 am
I took this in Boston a couple years ago. That’s 100%, unphotoshopped crappiness, now for only $99.99. It’s a steal!
November 13, 2011 at 7:34 am
where was this taken, the Red line? I can understand the crappiness if it was
November 12, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Who has pink carpet? Did she photograph her “art” in her daughter’s room? Or is she my grandma who finally remodeled her home all pink after grandpa died?
November 13, 2011 at 10:15 pm
I call this ‘Be Right Back’ or ‘brb’ for art purposes. My dog hates having her pictures taken…something about capturing her soul or something.