- Submitted by Rebecca
Why is the penis always a nose? Can’t we get creative with costume underwear?
What would you suggest?
Jay Leno’s chin?
I know, a penis!
I wish I knew one…
I personally would like to see one with the penis as a tail and the animal face on the butt, so I could imagine that the animal (A donkey for instance) is moonwalking.
Tentacles? Not that it is very creative, the Japanese have been doing that for years.
But have they been doing it knitted? What about Cthulhu?
A sideways person – The penis would be a arm and it could wave at you.
How about a flower – it would be fun to watch it “grow.”
I’m going to have nightmares about that. Kinky, sexy nightmares.
The gray elephant white man present sold, but there is a white elephant with hearts and ribbed penis white man present still for sale! Yes, the penis is actually ribbed!
FAT JEALOUS REGRETSY LOSERS with Photoshop skilz, where are you?!?! Let’s see this in pale blue with one ear.
Just a sec, I just got here.
oh.my.god you remembered the thread. I love you.
Totally beat me to it Lemon Bombs! This was an easy one. You should have let this fat jealous loser have this one. Damn! And you did it sooooooo good, like only a Lemon Bomb can!!
Dear God, I love this so much. SO VERY MUCH.
That trunk is clearly stuffed with tube socks
Your junk in a trunk is showing.
I’d like to know which relative should receive this as a gift. “Merry Christmas, Grandpa! I got you something to put your penis in.”
No, no, PEANUTS, I meant peanuts!
This made me laugh so hard because my grandfather actually collects Mr. Peanuts memorabilia. I love him enough to not buy these for him, though.
but do the ears flap if you fart?
I’d be afraid it would grab a biscuit off the table and shove it up your ass.
I’d be afraid it wouldn’t.
I am deeply enamored of Diacritical’s screen name.
These are strangely adorable. I wanna see Dror sporting a pair.
I can think of a few people I’d like to see wearing a pair! Or not wearing a pair, whatever…
OK, now I’m seriously thinking about getting a pair for Dror, and buying a video of him dancing in them.
Wow, there’s an image…..
Disabled Guy Christmas gift- DONE!
This is the idea revenge gift for someone who gave you crabs.
I don’t have a penis, but mine is itchy just at the sight of this.
And the ears?!?!?!?!
They need to do a Pinnochio version for white guys where he’s only told one or two lies. What I’m saying is, we’re not all that endowed.
How about a tapir version?
There’s a Pachyderm joke here somewhere…
Oh, he’s pachy-ing dem, all right …
Yeah, I got nothing.
After utilizing Google, I would say a Tapir would be a nice alternative. But I’d rather have “white-lie” Pinnochio. Maybe it’s just me.
I’m gonna need the dimensions from the pattern this is made from to determine. So hard to tell scale from a mere picture.
Nah, just make it quicker and borrow the model, naked of course, to determine the measurements. It will be a complete and thorough research, so it may be a couple of hours with the model before you get your turn.
If your research is too complete I’m afraid that the measurements will keep changing.
Speak for yourself . . . (LOL)
Dammit . . . wrong spot. Oh forget it.
That’s what I said to the wife when I made a half-inch error in judgement after 12 beers, in the dark.
That’s what stuffing is for.
I want to buy these just so I can post an ad on Craigslist for a man to model them.
Hopefully someone who’s happier about wearing them than these models are.
You wanna save 80 bucks?
Just turn your pants pockets inside out…
… and unzip.
I want to see it suck up a peanut.
I just asked my husband if he’s wear something like that. He said only if I made the trunk stick up. Why did I not see that coming?
If you make the trunk stick up, you’ll most likely see it coming.
Maybe the seller wanted it to appear in “white elephant” gift searches.
That makes entirely too much sense.
I don’t think this is supposed to be a giuft for white men, per se, at all. I think the seller has garbled the phrase “white-eared elephant” into her key words. (White-eared elephant being a joke a drunk man makes. After asking you if you want to see a white-eared elephant he pulls out his todger and turns his pants pockets inside out – voila, a white-eared elephant)
Maybe the seller gives a discount if you use confederate money
Also available in Wooly Mammoth.
That’s what I’d be getting for my man, if I was wanting to buy him these.
No testicle love? Surely elephants can have cleft chins, too!
Isn’t Testicle Love an album by someone?
Wait ’til Dumbo learns he can fly!
I think I need to see more of this model to really get the full effect of the shorts…
I think the shorts should be assless so one can use the ears as handles during teh buttsecks.
Hey…this was meant to go under comment #19.
Is it weird that I’m more disturbed by the flappy butt-ears than the penis-trunk?
nah. What you can’t see is the hooks attached to the ears to allow yourself to rig them so you can fly
Apparently, white guys love ugly ass underwear.
You must be confused; that’s totally ugly cock-underwear.
Well the ass part isn’t exactly fetching.
Read that as “Well, the ass part isn’t exactly felching” and I thought we’d gone down a whole new scary avenue in Etsyland.
Lithuania? And they need a week to make this present for only white men?
Hey azmissmu, your cat looks like my cat.
Would HOE like it if you took off one ear?
My beloved one’s schlong does deserve to be surrounded by warmth and comfort. Good thing none of my comfort givers cost $80.
Though I will admit I’m having issues getting the gauge right. Every time I try it on, I have to adjust the fit…
Here’s a Helpful Hint from Heloise in Hell:
If you try on your Willie Warmer in front of a mirror, the gauge will constantly change. Complete your WW and then model it in front of the mirror. Make sure you don’t use cheap acrylic yarn. Ouchies!
Ribbed-knit for her pleasure?
This raises a lot of questions. Relatives? White men only? Has any man ever complained that JUST their penis and groin area was cold? Do you wear pants over them? How would you explain the… shapes? Eighty dollars? Why aren’t these white ones for white men only?
I need to go lie down now.
Goodness gracious. That’s.. impressive.
I showed my husband the picture, and his comment was, “My crack is sweaty already.”
Ok, I don’t see any elephant so what’s the excuse with the dick pocket on this one?
Are there men out there that want their shlong kept away from the body while their testes are kept oh-so close (possibly encouraging higher temperatures and sperm degeneration)???
You’re right. Too many questions, not enough migraine pills in the world to face ‘em.
How low down is he base of his penis? Because it looks like the base of this one sits lower than most guys’ testicles.
Or have I just been with unusually pert-penis’d men? Do penises have a “pert” option?
Seriously. His penis is where his balls should be…
Pert. Hmm. Not that I’ve ever seen.
I think that would be an appropriate description for one I’ve seen…
He wasn’t a grow-er, or even really a show-er, pert, yes, perky, kinda…
I’m sharing too much again…
I noticed that on this one and the oliphant too. Unless it just cover the tip, in which case, “YOWZA!!”
I feel sorry for any man who has to pee while wearing this thing.
That model looks pretty sexy. Makes me proud to be Lithuanian, not something I get to say very often (or ever.)
Oh yes, very practical. If you want your girlfriend to piss her pants from laughing at you and your elephant shlong.
I was going to say, I can’t be the only woman who, if the boyfriend dropped his trousers to reveal this, would stare at it a moment in shock, then start laughing hysterically?
Also, check out this awesomeness from the same shop:
Beard Hat Outdoor Sportswear Wool Winter Facewarmer Skiing
Perfect for all your armed-robbery needs.
Warms your face AND keeps away pesky women who might otherwise be sexually attracted to you! You can use multipurpose!
Be careful when the circus comes to town
Gee wiz….itchy wool and itchy hairy thighs…ooh! you romantic fool!
Can I see these in toucan, or perhaps anteater?
I’d rather see a Gonzo version
Well after further review, the underwear is now renamed in my mind Mr. Snuffleupagus
Wouldn’t that be the African/African American version (before you thumb me down, that is not a color joke)?
Snuffy did have a rather long trunk…
Wool? I’m questioning the itchy factor….
It’s 50% poliester;
I hope it’s washable. It has the potential for some serious funk issues.
Every time I look at that picture the pink on the end of the trunk makes me think he’s hanging out of his drawers. LOL
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought that. I was like… wow.. that’s a shower not a grower.
It’s all fun and games until the yarn gives you a scrotal rash and you have to go to the pachydermatologist.
There’s the pachyderm joke we were looking for!
They’re 50 percent “poliester” but they still might shrink. What will you do THEN?
A one-ear version in blue would make me weep glitter tears.
Yes! A call out to regretsy’s artisans: I need this for my hunny. A pale blue one with one ear but flap thing. Please??
check out the altered image further up. It’s not the real thing, but it’s beautiful.
I like this one, apparently for men who need a little direction on which end goes in first:
If the underside of that pocket doesn’t say “I’m With Stupid,” it should.
Somewhere in that “white men” tag on the elephant is a Herman Cain joke. I’m just not sure how to word it.
it got cold.
These are a wool homage to heavy metal journalist Eddie Trunk, right?
My husband is Asian. So…
So is mine, and it wouldn’t be a problem.
So his elephant will need smaller ears?
Mine is asian too, quick google search reveals,
African Trunk, more rings, less hard. Asian Trunk, with less rings, harder.
African Trunk end, with two fingers. Asian Trunk end, With one finger.
Ok then, make mine an asian elephant please.
Okay seriously, who the hell would pay $80 to have some tight scratchy woolen crotch-snuggy rubbing against their nethers? Inquiring minds want to know . . .
Some guys would pay more than that for the chance to wear these for fifteen minutes. Locked in a cupboard.
My FWB could totally rock the elephant junk trunks and look hot doing it. Then again, he’s the shoulder-length-hair, shave-every-other-week and look even sexier for it type, so…..
I have a call to make.
Wouldn’t that “pocket” cut off a guys circulation?
Well I’m assuming that’s why they’re “made to order”, which someone needs to do immediately if only to post the hilarious questions that one would need to answer in order to accomplish a ‘custom fit’.
“Hey Gramps, I’m getting you a little something for Christmas. Now refresh my memory- your flaccid penis reaches down to about mid-thigh, right? Great, I’ve got just the thing!”
Is there enough stretchiness to accommodate men whether they dress to the African or to the Asian?
I’m trying to understand their marketing. I’m curious as to who they think knows so little about the person they’re buying for that they’re searching for presents for “white men.” And, why that person would be so presumptuous as to purchase a pair of these for said white man…
Meet Winky the elephant.
Why the hell would anyone need a wille warmer anyway? I thought that when the equipment got cold, it went indoors.
Willie warmer. As in, willie he be able to do it with frost on it?
I’m hearing that in the voice of Groundskeeper Willie. Thanks. I think.
The fact that there are several of these things out there is even more alarming.
Surrounded by warmth and comfort for immediate infertility.
Hmmm… this elephant can bring lots of luck :O
Well, you know what they say, there are “show-ers”, and there are “grow-ers”… I guess this wooly version is for show-ers.
Here is the growers version:
My question is, ahem, how does one pee in these? Shouldn’t there be a “mouth opening” right underneath the trunk for that purpose.
Also, if you want to wear those outside your house, theoretically, what would you do with the ears? Won’t tucking them into the slacks make your thighs look fat?
Unless you are wearing Hammer pants of one of those military “galife” numbers, it’s just not at all practical.
I think the most important is “How do you live with yourself wearing this thing?”
The swimming trunk version shrinks with you.
My husband would wear these – he would make silly remarks and shake around in them – and god forbid he would probably even show them to others with pride – thank god most women can love a fool!!!!
PS – do you get a fresh made one or the already dongled in shown in the picture…LOL
Am I the only one who was gladly surprised at how well hung this guy is? Clearly I need to get remarried, or just to get some – or just both. I’m kidding. But not about getting some.
Oh and one more thing:
The pattern for the “willie-warmer” also allows for a hole for “retraction” if you so desire it to be retractable.
Why are penis covers always made to look like elephants? I don’t understand it…
Not your typical barnwood…that firat shot…ouch.
first, not firat
I shared this link on facebook and today my friend told me it was responsible for her ‘very disturbing’ dreams last night.
I feel so proud!
I honestly saw this and thought it would be a great Christmas present for my boyfriend who lives 3000 miles away. That’s definitely not something he gets in the mail everyday, even though I’ve sent him some strange things (mostly found on here) Aaaand then I saw the price. Maybe the one Karen posted? I had no idea penis warmers were so pricey theses days…
I adore the pink snake one by that same seller. If it wasn’t pink, I think I’d be in love with it. Best. Men’s. Underwear. Ever.
Also, I believe it is marked for white men cause I honestly think only white men would be stupid enough to wear it…
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