I personally would like to see one with the penis as a tail and the animal face on the butt, so I could imagine that the animal (A donkey for instance) is moonwalking.
The gray elephant white man present sold, but there is a white elephant with hearts and ribbed penis white man present still for sale! Yes, the penis is actually ribbed!
Totally beat me to it Lemon Bombs! This was an easy one. You should have let this fat jealous loser have this one. Damn! And you did it sooooooo good, like only a Lemon Bomb can!!
Nah, just make it quicker and borrow the model, naked of course, to determine the measurements. It will be a complete and thorough research, so it may be a couple of hours with the model before you get your turn.
I don’t think this is supposed to be a giuft for white men, per se, at all. I think the seller has garbled the phrase “white-eared elephant” into her key words. (White-eared elephant being a joke a drunk man makes. After asking you if you want to see a white-eared elephant he pulls out his todger and turns his pants pockets inside out – voila, a white-eared elephant)
If you try on your Willie Warmer in front of a mirror, the gauge will constantly change. Complete your WW and then model it in front of the mirror. Make sure you don’t use cheap acrylic yarn. Ouchies!
This raises a lot of questions. Relatives? White men only? Has any man ever complained that JUST their penis and groin area was cold? Do you wear pants over them? How would you explain the… shapes? Eighty dollars? Why aren’t these white ones for white men only?
Ok, I don’t see any elephant so what’s the excuse with the dick pocket on this one?
Are there men out there that want their shlong kept away from the body while their testes are kept oh-so close (possibly encouraging higher temperatures and sperm degeneration)???
You’re right. Too many questions, not enough migraine pills in the world to face ‘em.
I was going to say, I can’t be the only woman who, if the boyfriend dropped his trousers to reveal this, would stare at it a moment in shock, then start laughing hysterically?
Okay seriously, who the hell would pay $80 to have some tight scratchy woolen crotch-snuggy rubbing against their nethers? Inquiring minds want to know . . .
AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle
November 10, 2011 at 4:14 pm
My FWB could totally rock the elephant junk trunks and look hot doing it. Then again, he’s the shoulder-length-hair, shave-every-other-week and look even sexier for it type, so…..
Well I’m assuming that’s why they’re “made to order”, which someone needs to do immediately if only to post the hilarious questions that one would need to answer in order to accomplish a ‘custom fit’.
“Hey Gramps, I’m getting you a little something for Christmas. Now refresh my memory- your flaccid penis reaches down to about mid-thigh, right? Great, I’ve got just the thing!”
I’m trying to understand their marketing. I’m curious as to who they think knows so little about the person they’re buying for that they’re searching for presents for “white men.” And, why that person would be so presumptuous as to purchase a pair of these for said white man…
My question is, ahem, how does one pee in these? Shouldn’t there be a “mouth opening” right underneath the trunk for that purpose.
Also, if you want to wear those outside your house, theoretically, what would you do with the ears? Won’t tucking them into the slacks make your thighs look fat?
Unless you are wearing Hammer pants of one of those military “galife” numbers, it’s just not at all practical.
My husband would wear these – he would make silly remarks and shake around in them – and god forbid he would probably even show them to others with pride – thank god most women can love a fool!!!!
Am I the only one who was gladly surprised at how well hung this guy is? Clearly I need to get remarried, or just to get some – or just both. I’m kidding. But not about getting some.
I honestly saw this and thought it would be a great Christmas present for my boyfriend who lives 3000 miles away. That’s definitely not something he gets in the mail everyday, even though I’ve sent him some strange things (mostly found on here) Aaaand then I saw the price. Maybe the one Karen posted? I had no idea penis warmers were so pricey theses days…
November 10, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Why is the penis always a nose? Can’t we get creative with costume underwear?
November 10, 2011 at 3:41 pm
What would you suggest?
November 10, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Jay Leno’s chin?
November 10, 2011 at 3:54 pm
I know, a penis!
November 10, 2011 at 10:38 pm
I wish I knew one…
November 10, 2011 at 4:00 pm
I personally would like to see one with the penis as a tail and the animal face on the butt, so I could imagine that the animal (A donkey for instance) is moonwalking.
November 10, 2011 at 4:29 pm
Tentacles? Not that it is very creative, the Japanese have been doing that for years.
November 10, 2011 at 6:56 pm
But have they been doing it knitted? What about Cthulhu?
November 10, 2011 at 5:01 pm
A sideways person – The penis would be a arm and it could wave at you.
November 10, 2011 at 5:05 pm
How about a flower – it would be fun to watch it “grow.”
November 13, 2011 at 10:23 am
I’m going to have nightmares about that. Kinky, sexy nightmares.
November 10, 2011 at 3:56 pm
The gray elephant white man present sold, but there is a white elephant with hearts and ribbed penis white man present still for sale! Yes, the penis is actually ribbed!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/84657275/shorts-sweater-trousers-socks-handmade
November 10, 2011 at 6:02 pm
FAT JEALOUS REGRETSY LOSERS with Photoshop skilz, where are you?!?! Let’s see this in pale blue with one ear.
November 10, 2011 at 7:26 pm
Just a sec, I just got here.
November 10, 2011 at 7:50 pm
November 11, 2011 at 2:48 am
oh.my.god you remembered the thread. I love you.
November 11, 2011 at 8:58 pm
Totally beat me to it Lemon Bombs! This was an easy one. You should have let this fat jealous loser have this one. Damn! And you did it sooooooo good, like only a Lemon Bomb can!!
November 13, 2011 at 10:24 am
Dear God, I love this so much. SO VERY MUCH.
November 10, 2011 at 2:10 pm
That trunk is clearly stuffed with tube socks
November 10, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Your junk in a trunk is showing.
November 10, 2011 at 2:10 pm
I’d like to know which relative should receive this as a gift. “Merry Christmas, Grandpa! I got you something to put your penis in.”
November 10, 2011 at 2:22 pm
No, no, PEANUTS, I meant peanuts!
November 10, 2011 at 3:30 pm
This made me laugh so hard because my grandfather actually collects Mr. Peanuts memorabilia. I love him enough to not buy these for him, though.
November 10, 2011 at 2:10 pm
but do the ears flap if you fart?
November 10, 2011 at 2:53 pm
Brief-ly.
November 10, 2011 at 4:07 pm
I’d be afraid it would grab a biscuit off the table and shove it up your ass.
November 10, 2011 at 5:22 pm
I’d be afraid it wouldn’t.
November 10, 2011 at 10:44 pm
I am deeply enamored of Diacritical’s screen name.
November 10, 2011 at 2:11 pm
These are strangely adorable. I wanna see Dror sporting a pair.
November 10, 2011 at 2:57 pm
I can think of a few people I’d like to see wearing a pair! Or not wearing a pair, whatever…
November 10, 2011 at 5:43 pm
OK, now I’m seriously thinking about getting a pair for Dror, and buying a video of him dancing in them.
Wow, there’s an image…..
November 10, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Disabled Guy Christmas gift- DONE!
Thanks, Regretsy!
November 10, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Photos, please!
November 10, 2011 at 2:12 pm
This is the idea revenge gift for someone who gave you crabs.
November 10, 2011 at 2:13 pm
I don’t have a penis, but mine is itchy just at the sight of this.
And the ears?!?!?!?!
November 10, 2011 at 2:13 pm
They need to do a Pinnochio version for white guys where he’s only told one or two lies. What I’m saying is, we’re not all that endowed.
November 10, 2011 at 2:15 pm
How about a tapir version?
November 10, 2011 at 2:20 pm
There’s a Pachyderm joke here somewhere…
November 10, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Oh, he’s pachy-ing dem, all right …
Yeah, I got nothing.
November 10, 2011 at 2:39 pm
After utilizing Google, I would say a Tapir would be a nice alternative. But I’d rather have “white-lie” Pinnochio. Maybe it’s just me.
November 10, 2011 at 2:52 pm
I’m gonna need the dimensions from the pattern this is made from to determine. So hard to tell scale from a mere picture.
November 10, 2011 at 3:02 pm
Nah, just make it quicker and borrow the model, naked of course, to determine the measurements. It will be a complete and thorough research, so it may be a couple of hours with the model before you get your turn.
November 10, 2011 at 4:45 pm
If your research is too complete I’m afraid that the measurements will keep changing.
November 10, 2011 at 3:13 pm
Speak for yourself . . . (LOL)
November 10, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Dammit . . . wrong spot. Oh forget it.
November 10, 2011 at 3:36 pm
That’s what I said to the wife when I made a half-inch error in judgement after 12 beers, in the dark.
November 10, 2011 at 4:58 pm
That’s what stuffing is for.
November 10, 2011 at 2:13 pm
I want to buy these just so I can post an ad on Craigslist for a man to model them.
November 10, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Hopefully someone who’s happier about wearing them than these models are.
November 10, 2011 at 2:15 pm
You wanna save 80 bucks?
Just turn your pants pockets inside out…
November 10, 2011 at 5:24 pm
… and unzip.
November 10, 2011 at 2:16 pm
I want to see it suck up a peanut.
November 10, 2011 at 2:19 pm
I just asked my husband if he’s wear something like that. He said only if I made the trunk stick up. Why did I not see that coming?
November 10, 2011 at 2:49 pm
If you make the trunk stick up, you’ll most likely see it coming.
November 10, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Maybe the seller wanted it to appear in “white elephant” gift searches.
November 10, 2011 at 2:59 pm
That makes entirely too much sense.
November 10, 2011 at 4:26 pm
I don’t think this is supposed to be a giuft for white men, per se, at all. I think the seller has garbled the phrase “white-eared elephant” into her key words. (White-eared elephant being a joke a drunk man makes. After asking you if you want to see a white-eared elephant he pulls out his todger and turns his pants pockets inside out – voila, a white-eared elephant)
November 11, 2011 at 11:17 am
Maybe the seller gives a discount if you use confederate money
November 10, 2011 at 2:24 pm
Also available in Wooly Mammoth.
November 11, 2011 at 4:30 pm
That’s what I’d be getting for my man, if I was wanting to buy him these.
November 10, 2011 at 2:25 pm
No testicle love? Surely elephants can have cleft chins, too!
November 10, 2011 at 10:57 pm
Isn’t Testicle Love an album by someone?
November 10, 2011 at 2:26 pm
Wait ’til Dumbo learns he can fly!
November 10, 2011 at 2:28 pm
I think I need to see more of this model to really get the full effect of the shorts…
November 10, 2011 at 2:55 pm
I think the shorts should be assless so one can use the ears as handles during teh buttsecks.
November 11, 2011 at 12:25 am
Hey…this was meant to go under comment #19.
November 10, 2011 at 2:28 pm
Is it weird that I’m more disturbed by the flappy butt-ears than the penis-trunk?
November 10, 2011 at 3:04 pm
nah. What you can’t see is the hooks attached to the ears to allow yourself to rig them so you can fly
November 10, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Apparently, white guys love ugly ass underwear.
November 10, 2011 at 2:42 pm
You must be confused; that’s totally ugly cock-underwear.
November 10, 2011 at 5:00 pm
Well the ass part isn’t exactly fetching.
November 10, 2011 at 5:11 pm
Read that as “Well, the ass part isn’t exactly felching” and I thought we’d gone down a whole new scary avenue in Etsyland.
November 10, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Lithuania? And they need a week to make this present for only white men?
November 10, 2011 at 4:59 pm
Hey azmissmu, your cat looks like my cat.
Nice symmetry.
November 10, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Would HOE like it if you took off one ear?
November 10, 2011 at 2:30 pm
My beloved one’s schlong does deserve to be surrounded by warmth and comfort. Good thing none of my comfort givers cost $80.
November 10, 2011 at 2:32 pm
Penis Snuggie.
November 10, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Willie Warmer
November 10, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Though I will admit I’m having issues getting the gauge right. Every time I try it on, I have to adjust the fit…
November 10, 2011 at 5:16 pm
Here’s a Helpful Hint from Heloise in Hell:
If you try on your Willie Warmer in front of a mirror, the gauge will constantly change. Complete your WW and then model it in front of the mirror. Make sure you don’t use cheap acrylic yarn. Ouchies!
November 10, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Ribbed-knit for her pleasure?
November 10, 2011 at 2:39 pm
This raises a lot of questions. Relatives? White men only? Has any man ever complained that JUST their penis and groin area was cold? Do you wear pants over them? How would you explain the… shapes? Eighty dollars? Why aren’t these white ones for white men only?
I need to go lie down now.
November 10, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Goodness gracious. That’s.. impressive.
November 10, 2011 at 2:51 pm
I showed my husband the picture, and his comment was, “My crack is sweaty already.”
November 10, 2011 at 2:54 pm
Ok, I don’t see any elephant so what’s the excuse with the dick pocket on this one?
Are there men out there that want their shlong kept away from the body while their testes are kept oh-so close (possibly encouraging higher temperatures and sperm degeneration)???
You’re right. Too many questions, not enough migraine pills in the world to face ‘em.
November 10, 2011 at 3:02 pm
WAIT.
How low down is he base of his penis? Because it looks like the base of this one sits lower than most guys’ testicles.
Or have I just been with unusually pert-penis’d men? Do penises have a “pert” option?
November 10, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Seriously. His penis is where his balls should be…
November 10, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Show-er. Yes.
Grow-er. Yes.
Pert. Hmm. Not that I’ve ever seen.
November 10, 2011 at 4:06 pm
I think that would be an appropriate description for one I’ve seen…
He wasn’t a grow-er, or even really a show-er, pert, yes, perky, kinda…
I’m sharing too much again…
November 10, 2011 at 4:12 pm
I noticed that on this one and the oliphant too. Unless it just cover the tip, in which case, “YOWZA!!”
November 10, 2011 at 4:47 pm
They should!
November 10, 2011 at 4:00 pm
I feel sorry for any man who has to pee while wearing this thing.
November 10, 2011 at 2:41 pm
That model looks pretty sexy. Makes me proud to be Lithuanian, not something I get to say very often (or ever.)
November 10, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Oh yes, very practical. If you want your girlfriend to piss her pants from laughing at you and your elephant shlong.
November 10, 2011 at 8:17 pm
I was going to say, I can’t be the only woman who, if the boyfriend dropped his trousers to reveal this, would stare at it a moment in shock, then start laughing hysterically?
November 10, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Also, check out this awesomeness from the same shop:
Beard Hat Outdoor Sportswear Wool Winter Facewarmer Skiing
November 10, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Perfect for all your armed-robbery needs.
November 10, 2011 at 11:05 pm
Warms your face AND keeps away pesky women who might otherwise be sexually attracted to you! You can use multipurpose!
November 10, 2011 at 2:49 pm
Be careful when the circus comes to town
November 10, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Gee wiz….itchy wool and itchy hairy thighs…ooh! you romantic fool!
November 10, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Can I see these in toucan, or perhaps anteater?
November 10, 2011 at 2:57 pm
I’d rather see a Gonzo version
November 10, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Well after further review, the underwear is now renamed in my mind Mr. Snuffleupagus
November 10, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Wouldn’t that be the African/African American version (before you thumb me down, that is not a color joke)?
Snuffy did have a rather long trunk…
November 10, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Wool? I’m questioning the itchy factor….
November 10, 2011 at 5:06 pm
It’s 50% poliester;
November 10, 2011 at 8:26 pm
I hope it’s washable. It has the potential for some serious funk issues.
November 10, 2011 at 2:54 pm
Every time I look at that picture the pink on the end of the trunk makes me think he’s hanging out of his drawers. LOL
November 10, 2011 at 2:55 pm
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought that. I was like… wow.. that’s a shower not a grower.
November 10, 2011 at 2:57 pm
It’s all fun and games until the yarn gives you a scrotal rash and you have to go to the pachydermatologist.
November 10, 2011 at 4:59 pm
There’s the pachyderm joke we were looking for!
November 10, 2011 at 3:01 pm
They’re 50 percent “poliester” but they still might shrink. What will you do THEN?
A one-ear version in blue would make me weep glitter tears.
November 10, 2011 at 4:32 pm
Yes! A call out to regretsy’s artisans: I need this for my hunny. A pale blue one with one ear but flap thing. Please??
November 11, 2011 at 2:52 am
check out the altered image further up. It’s not the real thing, but it’s beautiful.
November 10, 2011 at 3:05 pm
I like this one, apparently for men who need a little direction on which end goes in first:
November 10, 2011 at 3:49 pm
If the underside of that pocket doesn’t say “I’m With Stupid,” it should.
Somewhere in that “white men” tag on the elephant is a Herman Cain joke. I’m just not sure how to word it.
November 13, 2011 at 10:27 am
it got cold.
November 10, 2011 at 3:25 pm
These are a wool homage to heavy metal journalist Eddie Trunk, right?
November 10, 2011 at 3:26 pm
My husband is Asian. So…
November 10, 2011 at 5:05 pm
So is mine, and it wouldn’t be a problem.
November 10, 2011 at 5:35 pm
So his elephant will need smaller ears?
November 10, 2011 at 7:06 pm
Mine is asian too, quick google search reveals,
African Trunk, more rings, less hard. Asian Trunk, with less rings, harder.
African Trunk end, with two fingers. Asian Trunk end, With one finger.
Ok then, make mine an asian elephant please.
November 10, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Okay seriously, who the hell would pay $80 to have some tight scratchy woolen crotch-snuggy rubbing against their nethers? Inquiring minds want to know . . .
November 10, 2011 at 5:24 pm
Some guys would pay more than that for the chance to wear these for fifteen minutes. Locked in a cupboard.
November 10, 2011 at 4:14 pm
My FWB could totally rock the elephant junk trunks and look hot doing it. Then again, he’s the shoulder-length-hair, shave-every-other-week and look even sexier for it type, so…..
I have a call to make.
November 10, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Wouldn’t that “pocket” cut off a guys circulation?
November 10, 2011 at 5:19 pm
Well I’m assuming that’s why they’re “made to order”, which someone needs to do immediately if only to post the hilarious questions that one would need to answer in order to accomplish a ‘custom fit’.
November 10, 2011 at 5:16 pm
“Hey Gramps, I’m getting you a little something for Christmas. Now refresh my memory- your flaccid penis reaches down to about mid-thigh, right? Great, I’ve got just the thing!”
November 10, 2011 at 5:24 pm
Is there enough stretchiness to accommodate men whether they dress to the African or to the Asian?
November 10, 2011 at 5:36 pm
I’m trying to understand their marketing. I’m curious as to who they think knows so little about the person they’re buying for that they’re searching for presents for “white men.” And, why that person would be so presumptuous as to purchase a pair of these for said white man…
November 10, 2011 at 8:22 pm
Meet Winky the elephant.
November 10, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Why the hell would anyone need a wille warmer anyway? I thought that when the equipment got cold, it went indoors.
November 10, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Willie warmer. As in, willie he be able to do it with frost on it?
November 11, 2011 at 8:22 am
I’m hearing that in the voice of Groundskeeper Willie. Thanks. I think.
November 11, 2011 at 2:53 am
The fact that there are several of these things out there is even more alarming.
November 11, 2011 at 4:27 am
Surrounded by warmth and comfort for immediate infertility.
November 11, 2011 at 6:14 am
Hmmm… this elephant can bring lots of luck :O
November 11, 2011 at 10:18 am
Well, you know what they say, there are “show-ers”, and there are “grow-ers”… I guess this wooly version is for show-ers.
Here is the growers version:
http://www.lingeriediva.com/mens-lingerie/growing-nose-pinocchio-thong
November 11, 2011 at 10:33 am
My question is, ahem, how does one pee in these? Shouldn’t there be a “mouth opening” right underneath the trunk for that purpose.
Also, if you want to wear those outside your house, theoretically, what would you do with the ears? Won’t tucking them into the slacks make your thighs look fat?
Unless you are wearing Hammer pants of one of those military “galife” numbers, it’s just not at all practical.
November 11, 2011 at 11:35 am
I think the most important is “How do you live with yourself wearing this thing?”
November 11, 2011 at 11:56 am
The swimming trunk version shrinks with you.
November 11, 2011 at 12:44 pm
My husband would wear these – he would make silly remarks and shake around in them – and god forbid he would probably even show them to others with pride – thank god most women can love a fool!!!!
November 11, 2011 at 12:46 pm
PS – do you get a fresh made one or the already dongled in shown in the picture…LOL
November 11, 2011 at 7:09 pm
Am I the only one who was gladly surprised at how well hung this guy is? Clearly I need to get remarried, or just to get some – or just both. I’m kidding. But not about getting some.
November 11, 2011 at 7:17 pm
Oh and one more thing:
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/seamless-willie-warmer
The pattern for the “willie-warmer” also allows for a hole for “retraction” if you so desire it to be retractable.
Why are penis covers always made to look like elephants? I don’t understand it…
November 11, 2011 at 9:01 pm
Not your typical barnwood…that firat shot…ouch.
November 11, 2011 at 9:03 pm
first, not firat
November 12, 2011 at 10:30 am
I shared this link on facebook and today my friend told me it was responsible for her ‘very disturbing’ dreams last night.
I feel so proud!
November 12, 2011 at 11:35 am
I honestly saw this and thought it would be a great Christmas present for my boyfriend who lives 3000 miles away. That’s definitely not something he gets in the mail everyday, even though I’ve sent him some strange things (mostly found on here) Aaaand then I saw the price. Maybe the one Karen posted? I had no idea penis warmers were so pricey theses days…
February 20, 2012 at 7:55 pm
I adore the pink snake one by that same seller. If it wasn’t pink, I think I’d be in love with it. Best. Men’s. Underwear. Ever.
Also, I believe it is marked for white men cause I honestly think only white men would be stupid enough to wear it…