BONUS: HAPPY HOLIDAYS
- More things that look like penises here
- Even more things that look like penises here
- Still more things that look like penises here
That’s a rinky dink alright.
It’s cold =(
Oh, please, it’s photographed on a lovely, warm day.
Gah you beat me by seconds, SECONDS. Did you enjoy beating my rinky dink?
I enjoy it when you beat your dinky dink.
If we all keep our subesophageal ganglion to ourselves this kind of thing wouldn’t happen.
Yay Finding Nemo and Regretsy together!
The questions are “did YOU enjoy it?” and “the money’s on the dresser, right?”
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Reminds me of the Asian boyfriend I had in the early 80′s
Shhhh…Don’t say bad things about our future imperial rulers.
I’m particularly tickled that it’s name is a “copyrighted trademark.” Which is like saying “Vaginal dick,” or something like that.
I WAS IN THE POOL! I WAS IN THE POOL!!
A rinky dink butt plug.
That rubber band car looks JUST like Ace and Gary’s car from the Ambiguously Gay Duo!
That kind of makes me want it.
my thoughts exactly! I just wonder: does it get longer too?
Only when it’s handled just right. Oh, hell, who am I kidding? Anytime it’s handled.
My daughter and I said that too!
Rinky dink indeed.
After seeing the red velvet whoopie pies and things that look like penises, I am now horny and hungry. Thanks, Regretsy!
Just reading “Whoopie Pie” does the trick for me!!
Really, who names a treat after sex? Sex is awesome, but I don’t want to eat something that might taste like a bi-product of it!!!
Have you not seen the Natural Harvest cook book? There’s a market out there for people who want to taste the bi-product(s) of sex lol. But I agree, very poor choice of name!
Tell that to Whoopie Goldberg.
Your little monster may walk with a wobble
but they can still enjoy some gobble, gobble!
I was going to make a sexual innuendo about this but I see the seller has already done this for me.
Yeah…the toy itself doesn’t look that phallic to me (I just see a cartoon turkey drumstick…I think it’s kind of adorable, actually) but my dirty mind can’t help going weird places with that slogan.
Originally, I thought that was an HK add on, but then I realized it was actually part of the listing.
Couldn’t help but think that if this were a commemorative penis (http://www.regretsy.com/2011/07/03/weekend-flashback-dads-and-nads/ ) of the child, it is no wonder that he wobbles.
I keep looking at the crochetted penis at the start and wincing at the thought of a baby chewing on wool and getting that squeaking feeling of oh god.. I can’t continue that thought without crying a little.
Because the seller doesn’t specify the yarn, I’m guessing it’s cheap-and-easily-ignited acrylic, which is not something I’d want a child chewing on.
Well don’t give the kid matches.
Nice idea, but knowing that kind of yarn, walking too quickly (about a snail’s pace) across carpeting could cause a spark.
Especially if the kid’s top teeth were made of sulfur and his bottom teeth were made of sandpaper! And also if he had acetone saliva.
Thanks. Now I’m twitching.
that was my thought too–yes, I make dog crochet dog toys,* but I only use cotton yarn, and even the thought of chewing on that makes my hairs stand on end. If that was a rubber or plastic–oh, never mind, I can’t continue with this train of thought.
*not a plug for my shop. Honest.
Makes my teeth hurt just thinking about gums running across cheap yarn… GAH
Also.. as a genuine geek.. what the fuck has a turkey drumstick got to do with geekery? Very rarely am I found sat around a gaming table, rolling dice to see of my mother fucking turkey is done, or if I need to smack it with a bastard sword again
Perhaps they’re referring to the origins of the term “geek” in which it meant circus performers biting off the heads of live chickens (or, I guess, in this case turkeys)?
a crocheted turkey leg is not really something you would pay to see someone eating.. oh god.. teeth on wool image again.. you fucker
You’d THINK that wouldn’t be a thing, but I bet somewhere out there is a “feeder” with a yarn fetish.
I am constantly clicking on the “geekery” subcategories, and constantly disappointed in what people consider geekery.
You’d have to be a tough motherfucker. Live turkeys are MEAN.
Maybe it’s so your baby can look like a Ren Faire king.
Distract your kid with enemy bait!
See? It’s kinda geeky.
In my family we could have sung physics carols while the turkey cooked; would that geek it up enough? (Not bragging, just accepting my genetic geek destiny).
Possibly another case of confusing “geek” with “nerd”?
Yeah, you’re right. Makes no sense at all.
I will tag it with “regretsy penis” if it means more sales… I have no conscience.
But I was thinking meat = geekery nowadays.
Tantusdirect.com has butt plugs shaped exactly like that incense holder.
Um. Or SO I HEAR.
My thought exactly!
Not that I know what butt plugs look like…
Regretsy comments are ever so informative.
Best PSAs ever!
You can use it multipurpose!
Gives a whole new meaning to the word “upcycling”.
Huh, my first thought was, “Yes, that’s great, these things do indeed look like pensises, now why in the world should I associate turkey legs and thus meat with geekery? Was there some memo I missed?”
Then I realized perhaps I have spent too much time on the internet.
I’m going to call my bf’s dick “banana bob” next time. That’s just hilarious!
The perfume bottle looks like a penis growing out of a vagina.
Hooray for our friends the hermaphrodites!
The worst part is that some of these things are actually quite lovely, but now they’ve been tainted with cock.
YOU SAID TAINT
You forget the “hehe, hehe, hehe” both fore and aft.
When you go both fore and aft, “hehe hehe hehe” might not be all the sounds one will make.
Just remember to go fore first, *then* aft.
Gigglefits from this exchange! Damn you, you’re raising my heart rate.
@Littlenic: Yes…except if you are someone is doing both simultaneously. Multitasking taken to whole new, OH MY GOD, YES!!!!, level.
@Mugsy Doodle: Some comments here make me feel dirty… and that’s quite an accomplishment.
Mugsy Doodle PLEASE! You’ll be giving us triangles a bad reputation.
Totally busted. And feeling dumb as hell for not catching that one (my husband and I make the cocktail rim sugars).
Maybe we should use the “cock” and “tail” word split in all of our rim sugar listings?
Nah. Off to edit. *grin*
I favorited your shop and my blood glucose shot up 200 pts.
That’s bad, right?
Here…have another drink…
RIMMING sugars, no less.
They come in purple, too.
Yeah. See, there’s no way around the rimming puns. So we just try to embrace ‘em. We’re really anal about getting our humor spot on, dontcha know.
I can make it worse for you all.
Having worked as a nurse for many years, my first thought on seeing the posey holder was ‘why have they got a female urine bottle for sale on etsy’
My first thought on a posey holder was WTF is a posey holder.
Also the treasury seems sinister to me. But then again, I don’t want him to be coming. I want Santa to stay far, far away.
(Santa is a terrifying mass murderer. Tru fax.)
Also, I found it more expensive.
To my untrained eye, this looks the same. It WAS $75, it is now $50. So this etsy markdown from $10 to $7.50 is a STEAL.
Also it told me what the dang thing does: “Any day is brighter when you wear a flower, and it will stay fresh and fragrant all day.”
So it’s a vase, for your shirt.
Yes, it’s a vase for your shirt. Once considered quite the fashion accessory, so you could wear fresh flowers every day. And carry a little bit of water around. Just in case of a teeny tiny fire.
And not move very much.
So in case someone next to you lit up a cigarette?
GIVE ME A BREAK! Victorian?? These were dime-store items until at least the 1960′s. I have a silver one and one of the plastic ones. And yes, I have worn it on occasion.
I don’t know, Plastic just SCREAMS Victorian era to me, but I’ll trust you on this one
Well, they did say that this one was “early plastic” which dates from the mid 1900s. (That makes it sound so much older and classier than ‘piece of plastic junk from 1960.’)
(I’m also quite disappointed that there wasn’t a “We are NOT amused” in your comment.)
We were to incensed to be unamused.
Dayum! Bronc can file that one away for compare & save! You can use that penis multipurpose!
Lol, my first thought was, “shit, bitch could have at least CLEANED it before offering it up for sale”.
i thought posie was code for the plague. it does look like a creepy death device from the 1800s…
the “pocket full of posies” line of that you are thinking of from the popular plague rhyme refers to the flowers/herbs people kept in their pockets in an attempt to keep the plague away – I don’t think it worked well, although some herbs do keep away the fleas, so maybe it worked a little
The more you know.
Hm, not to be a pedant, but I thought that the Black Death theory turned out to be false?
What the hell is a “vintage posey”?
My nickname for my vagina.
Maybe they meant “vintage pussy”?
Ooh ooh, Mr. Kottah! (showing my age) I know this one!
I’m impressed it’s actually a vintage item. My great-aunt used to wear those. It’s like if you took a vase with water with flowers in it, and pinned it to yourself, except tiny through Wonkavision.
Mmmm, plastic lapel penises are my favorite kind of penises.
Well then, you’ve been hanging out with the wrong penises!
Meat geekery – the best kind of geekery.
Bacon, though. It would need to be BACON.
OMG you just gave me an image of a crocheted bacon baby toy, except it oinks when you squeeze it!
SOMEONE NEEDS TO MAKE THIS NOW.
It doesn’t squeak, but the hilarious backstory makes up for that.
Mmmm . . . angry deliciousness . . .
There’s also this: http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/plush/e1d0/
It’s a poseable talking bacon plushie. I got one for my bacon-obsessed friend last christmas, and the thing is an endless source of amusement.
Anyone that thinks that the crocheted turkey leg looks like a penis has my sincerest sympathy.
Well, it IS 6 inches long, so there’s that at least. Uh, yeah, that’s about it.
But it clearly has balls…
Anyone that has a penis that looks like a crocheted turkey leg has my sincerest sympathy.
A penis with a big clubbed end and smallish balls?
Speaking as a woman, I don’t see the downside for me.
Maybe it’s post-vasectomy. Those fuckers can really swell up.
I wonder if the soap bar comes in a “Sexual Tension” scent?
Or perhaps ‘Unwashed Twat’?
You mean Jack Daniels and Ice Cream?
You know how sometimes you’ll see sometimes, and your head tilts to the side in frank puzzlement?
I did that with this post. Twice. The perfume bottle and the dinky dick.
All the better to see how it’s hangin’.
I call it the RCA Dog Look.
Does the fact that the dog’s name is Nipper make it better or worse?
I want the rubber band car. I could amuse myself for hours with that.
Cause of Death: Bludgeoned by Turkey Leg shaped Penis.
“To the Penis Mobile!”
I would totally buy that for my kids if I had them.
Call me naive but I don’t get why the “Sweetheart Pins” under the “Smile he is coming” part is highlighted.
Also, the Posey Holder Pin looks like someone found some indeterminate piece of plastic, got high, and thought of what it could be to sell on Etsy. Actually, I think that’s how a lot of things on Etsy are sold.
Well you see, there’s this difference between males and females. Girls have vulvas and vaginas, and boys have … ah, never mind.
Ah, pins and penises sounding alike? Gotcha. I was assuming there was a much more dirtier/kinkier association because well, this is Regretsy.
Thanks for not treating me like the idiot I am!
It’s because they look like penises (the balls are red).
Ok NOW I understand.
Time to hit the alcohol until I start seeing dicks in everything like I evidently should be.
We’ll wait right here for you.
Oh, but in some things you should see vulvas, just FYI.
Okay this aint etsy but it is penis real penis at that! I was looking through Amazon France (i live in france) for a pug dog calendar and found this –
It was just right in there with the winnie the poo calendars and cute animals. I love that the calendar is classed as XL in size:D
This is worthless without actual pics.
Although I do love your name, “Small furry monkey toes” is my new nickname of the week for my daughter!
Please don’t call her that when you’re picking her up from cheerleader practice. Teenagers can be SO cruel. They’ll never let her live it down.
True but I guess even France has some shame! I used to live in Scotland and you defo couldn’t get this in your local calendar shop. I’m just easy pleased.
Such subliminal crafting. Penis envy?
We know what’s getting washed with THAT bar of soap.
Hail to the V.
I had a rubber band car just like that when I was a kid. I guess that explains a few things…
I just pulled out the kids’ pre-school shapes book. Then I referenced the pre-teen’s geometry book. I can’t find a shape that’s referred to as “rinky dink” anywhere.
Best I could find was a definition that says “rinky dink” is a slang word meaning Small, of little worth, something that has had little time, money and energy invested into it.
Somehow, now that I type it all out, it makes perfect sense.
Hence the clever name for tfe children’s craft that you would put in the oven with far too little adult supervision.
Rinky Dink isn’t a shape that I can find anywhere. I did, however, find this definition:
Small, of little worth, something that has had little time, money and energy invested into it.
So, yeah, it’s accurate.
Thanks internet, for making me repost things. I’m going back to carrier pigeon for all my long distance communications
I went to check out the seller of the crocheted drumstick’s store because I thought it was cute. After clicking through, I saw that she has another store for crocheted cat toys, and the very first toy is actually a penis cat toy:
So maybe it’s not so subliminal after all.
OK, this is even better: Bag O’ Dicks: http://www.etsy.com/listing/79962203/cat-toy-catnip-cat-toys-pet-penis-mature
I think the picture deserves a showing:
O.O wow, that could lead to quite the er visit
That cat doesn’t look like it enjoys its toy.
It enjoyed it much more when it was still attached.
cat teeth can’t be comfortable.
Even the description is great!
If you have a different color wang in mind let me know!”
The owner needs to have their other hand on the back of the cat’s head. Then this photo would be PERFECT.
Wrong pussy. DO NOT WANT!
Check this one out:
CAT TOY TAMPON
And sushi! How cool is this?
Oh, that cat is ashamed!
My friend’s cat was staying with me once and somehow got hold of an (unused) tampon and was batting it all around. It was her favourite toy for a while. I called it “The Cotton Mouse” because of its “tail.”
She’s also got a selection of pet toy penises, a nipply boob, and a fetus.
Then there are the these toys: poop with corn in it, the tampon and sperm. All she needs to add is a used condom, used tissues with snot, and cat poop from the litter box and your dog can have a crocheted collection of everything they find and drag around the house anyway!
The colour plus shape of the bottom of the soap makes me think we’re getting a bonus vagina with our penis.
I’ve, uh, heard there are videos featuring just such a bonus on the internet.
Usually the bonus is expecting one and discovering the other.
There really is no good hermaphrodite porn on the Internet.
I’m a childless-by-choice fat jealous loser…but you know what I bet is REALLY fun?
Picking brown lint out of your tit-sucker’s mouth all day while dealing with your shitty family around a dead bird (which no one cries for).
I knew you’d like the “posie holder”. I’m glad it wasn’t just me. After I posted it on your facebook wall I showed it to my boyfriend and he didn’t think it was all that bad. HUH?? It doesn’t look like anything other than a glass dildo.
I ended buying a few nice things from the posey peen seller (the one on Etsy, not the one who was trying to pretend it was “Victorian era plastic”). She had a silver dog pin that looks just like my sister’s dog, who has cancer, so I wanted that as a gift for my sister. By the time I was done, I’d also picked up a pig, a cat, a ring, and a very shiny buckle.
She seems nice, and appreciates the additional traffic from Regretsy.
Awesome! Yes, I looked at her other items too and she had some great stuff. This was definitely an isolated hilarious item. I was hoping she would get some benefit out of the linkage, so it’s good to know she did!
The turkey leg actually does look like a turkey leg to me, all power of suggestion aside.
The posey holder looks like some sort of medical device, or maybe a very wrong shoehorn. In any case, weird…
the incense holder looks more like a butt plug. but that just me.
My first thought also.
“Smile He Is Coming!” sure does need some additional punctuation. That’s two sentences, folks. Unless you’re anticipating the arrival of Smile He.
Grammar humour always makes me happy. I wish I could thumbs-up this several more times!
Tangent: is your name inspired by a Tom Robbins book by any chance?
Well, this did save me some searching. I have a lot of baby showers to attend the next few months and I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to give the toy in the first pic to everyone I know. Along with a camera to record the precious/fucked up moments.
i like the one thats ten inches.
then again, i would.
Just what classic perfume does that soap resemble? Eau de Balsac, Scrotum #5, or an inexpensive Johnson & Johnson imposter scent?
Good to see that a turkey leg clearly labeled BABY BOY TOY can also be for a baby girl.
6 inches of ‘plush meat’ hey?
I just love how they call them “Banana Bob”. Nice little double entendre, there.
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