This post first appeared on Regretsy on November 18, 2010

As you know, today is your last shot at getting raptured.

We were all supposed to get raptured back in May, but it turns out that was some undercover, black ops kind of pre-rapture, and it took them a few months to get the guest list together. So I’m not sure what your day is like, but I’m expecting a visit from our Lord and Savior, bitches!

And I’m not taking any chances this time. I decided to take the day off so I can hear the doorbell. Plus I went to the store and got one of those Pepperidge Farm cookie assortments, because I don’t want to look cheap. You don’t put out a plate of Hydrox and expect to get Hoovered up to paradise. You got to put out the good shit for Jesus.

So I’m just going to sit here and work on the final chapters of Regretsy’s Big Book of Fabricated Finnish Folktales (on sale here, by the way), and wait for shit to get real.

See you in heaven!*

*Well, maybe not you. It’s just an expression.

While you’re waiting for redemption, you might enjoy looking at photos readers submitted of themselves being raptured.

I have to admit, I’ve never been a My Little Pony person.

Well, I was once.

The point is, I never really thought of them as canvases. I had no idea that this was the medium of choice for so many artists, and that people were making sophisticated, witty and generally amazing variations every day.

Consider me educated.

More here, here, and here.

Well, here it is, our third Halloween together. They said we’d all be dead by now, didn’t they? WHATEVER, HAROLD CAMPING

You might remember we had a pumpkin carving contest last year, and that it was a rousing success.
Here’s a small sample of the fumpkin puckery:

Well, you know how we are. When something succeeds once, we milk that bastard until there is nothing left in its withered teats.

And that means it’s time for

THE 2nd ANNUAL REGRETSY PUMPKIN CARVING CONTEST

RULES:

No Goatse pumpkins
No genitalia*

*Pumpkins do not have to be G-rated, but just making penises and vaginas is way too easy for you people. We want to make this challenging.

That’s it.

All media are accepted. You may use anything at all to create your design, but you must incorporate an actual, edible pumpkin.

Photos of your pumpkins must be submitted by midnight PDT Thursday, October 27. Winners will be posted the next day.

PRIZES:

If this contest is anything like the others, you will come up with a pantload of fabulous entries and I will be unable to decide on just a few winners. So I’m leaving it open as to how many pumpkins may win prizes.

However, there will be one Grand Prize winner, and they will receive the following incredible prize pile:

• An autographed copy of the Regretsy book
• A necklace by Red Bess Bonney
• Notecard set by Madman Incognito
• These CF4L cufflinks by Spiffing Jewelry
• A Finnish penis magnet by Cappy Sue
• This Whimsicle Jizz Kindle cover by Sadiesez (not remotely SFW)
• 20 handmade envelopes by Grimmlyn
• A selection of handmade soaps and lotions by Lux Soap
• A Regretsy flask
• A custom Perler Portrait by PXL8R

• And everything else in this box

Send your photos here

Good luck!