This post first appeared on Regretsy on December 6, 2010
- Submitted by Kathleen
Say it with a cushion: Whoopie!
Sofa, so good.
The fuckery is divan.
I’d like to see that heart changed though…
That is so sick! You are wonderful!
That joke is a gas…
It’s a gas, gas, gas!
God, all the things I could’ve said with a cushion…
“You Have Herpe, I Sorry.”
“Stay Golden Girls, PonyBoy.”
“Cheers Up and Get Well Soon”
“What the world needs now, is love – sweet love. No not just for some, but for Everyone Hates Chris”
A high school swim instructor just got fired for handing these out to his team.
We miss you, too, coach.
Put me in couch, I prepare for the playing presently.
Looking at me I am can be field cneter.
It’s very probably that you’ll score some points so I hope couch doesn’t waist you’re potential.
It only misses you for as long as your ass-print stays in the seat.
With or without the lipstick?
Are you paying the $19.99?
I’m fairly certain that “our coach miss you” is what babelfish spits out when you translate “I’m an illiterate dumbass” from English > French > Finnish > Tagalog > Korean > English.
I know we’re only up to #5 but this already gets my vote for comment of the day.
It is very probably.
Even if this was spelled correctly, what the hell is it supposed to mean?
My couch really liked it when we had sex on top of it.
Your couch is a perv.
Your coach is really a loveseat?
Your love can only go sofa?
It means, “That couch we bought from the set of PeeWee’s Playhouse came to life and said, ‘Remember how you and Slobert used to sit on me all day and night watching Battlestar Galactica while dropping Crunch Tators into my cushions? Yeah, me too. Put that on a pillow and send it to him, OK?’ SO HERE YA GO HONEY!”
It means, “That couch we bought from the set of PeeWee’s Playhouse came to life and said, ‘Remember how you and Slobert used to sit on me all day and night watching Battlestar Galactica while dropping Crunch Tators into my cushions? Yeah, me too, I miss that. Put that on a pillow and send it to him, OK?’ SO HERE YA GO HONEY!”
/Apparently the etsy seller isn’t the only illiterate dumbass around here…
Now, I feel some sympathy for Pee Wee’s furniture thanks to that comment.
Poor, poor Chairy.
The couch still remembers that one time when you were really drunk and dry humped it on a dare.
The conjoined twins’ cooch misses the coach’s presence on the couch?
It means I’m too emotionally constipated to tell you I slightly prefer your presence over your absence, so I’m going to go with “The couch misses you.”
Oh well then, I guess you never caught your boyfriend fucking the couch…I have. Yup, right. He had it right between the cushion base and the cushion. I knew he was a chubby chaser, but, come on, how could I compete with a loveseat?
All these candy bars I’ve been eating are going straight to my waste! (literally)
at least it’s the same color in as out. BTW, Love your avatar. That’s one of my favorite movies.
How did you choose a single typo to make fun of?
Don’t waist our time with nonscents like these.
because the typo is on the final product that is for sale and it will arrive just as you see?
imagining every scenario this could possibly spell doom, ridicule and awkwardness later to a buyer amuses me but i’ll spare you.
That cushion is thegretest. I’m not going to waist any more time and get one for me!
Any time you put “hard work” in quotes it automatically becomes dirty.
Reseller themed art print available with same sentiment:
Available in the exclusive Etsy vintage reseller section!
The knockoff bags are exactly what I thought of when I read it. They make so many overseas & likely think we’re all lazy fucks over here, so Couch probably made more sense than Coach as a trademark. Therefore they’d associate the picture with the word couch. See? Nothing good for fat, jealous losers!
“Davenport” was just out of the question.
As was “chaise lounge”
That would have been a “chase lunge” right?
But I better get my Cha-Cha heels!
Wow. A movie reference that’s too obscure for Regretsy?
You know who I miss? Bill Fagerbakke. I love Dauber.
You know, he’s Patrick’s voice on SpongeBob!
Don’t forget they killed him last season on How I Met Your Mother.
It missed us so much the listing went missing…
“This post first appeared on Regretsy on December 6, 2010″
me = derptastic
This isn’t just great, it’s Sofa King great!
I’d say this was derivative, but that would be a tangent.
And the price! It’s Sofa King Low!
and now in a whimsical print for your child’s room.
you just had to go and make sense of it! hehehe
Just a question, How are there horses pulling the coach when Gus and the other mice are clearly standing next to Cinderella?
I QUESTION THE VERISIMILITUDE OF YOUR VISUAL PUN!
You mean “whimsicle,” right?
Ours would say something like “Resistance Is Futon”.
Only “thegretest” wouldn’t allow you to “waist” time…
Chairish these moments.
Whoever that guy on the right is, I think he just smelled a fart. Methinks the football player just busted some nasty ass.
I don’t know who the guy on the right is, but he looks like he just smelled a nasty fart. I think the football player must have busted some nasty ass.
Google “jim harbaugh jim schwartz” and you’ll see what all the fuss was (or wasn’t) about.
I think that pillow is quite Divan.
Don’t get me wrong — I think April Winchell is one of the funniest people on Earth — but sometimes Regretsy just writes itself.
The awkward grammar continues, nearly a year later.
And the description on this one is hi-larious.
David:”I was a little depressed but when my cushion came to my life I began to sing and smile all of the time…”
I have doubts, but, hey, there is a guarantee of happiness. How often do you get one of those?
David seems to be on some pretty good meds.
Pooh. I misread David as saying “when my cushion came to life”.
Please ignore previous posting.
I’m not sure you are wrong. I am pretty sure he’s on some amazing meds if a pillow is making him sing.
Don’t worry, I did the same thing.
That first one is a sex-during-menstruation reference, isn’t it?
Predicting the stomach-churning response to this comment: as Craig Ferguson would say, “don’t ‘oooh’ me! Have you looked at Etsy recently?”
Jeebus, the price doesn’t even include the actual pillow-just the cover. What a waist.
I love it lemon bombs
I’d like to convo this seller and see if s/he does other professions (ie our layer misses you, our teecher misses you, etc.)
Weight, let me see that picture again! Yes, I no you – it’s coach Chesterfield.
They correctly spelled “precious”, but misspelled “Couch” and “waste” ? ???
It was supposed to say “prescience.” How else would the artist know the feelings and desires of a piece of furniture?
And ‘The Greatest’
I was wondering how long it would take to get to this one.
perfect for the gynecologist’s office!
I may have just asked my boyfriend to share my life with me, but I’ll be DAMNED if I’m sharing my PIZZA.
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