Let’s Play a Game
While we’re waiting for the final pumpkin carving contest entries to come in, I thought we might amuse ourselves and help out a fellow Regresty reader at the same time.
From: Lulubelly
Subject: SailorTrouble
My Dear Ms. Killer -
My friend’s birthday is in mid-November and I need some assistance with my gift plan.
Years ago we “invented” a game we call SailorTrouble. It involves drinking (naturally) and playing this game — with the added stipulation that every time you hit the Pop-O-Matic dice roller you must swear like a drunken sailor. It’s not as much fun as the sailor trouble we got up to when we were young, but it keeps us from wandering away from the house while the children are sleeping.
I found a portable version of the Trouble game, and I want to make a SailorTrouble rule booklet that includes several pages of swear words. Shouldn’t be a problem for a devoted Regretsian to come up with a cartload of of creative profanity, right?
WRONG. I have maybe 25 words, most of which I stole from Sam Cornwell videos. Do you think you could enlist your cabal of cunt flapping snot floggers to assist with this fuckery?
I am sincerely your devoted goat blower,
Lulubelly
Well, this sounds like it’s right up your puckered alley!
Leave your most imaginative profanity in the comments. It doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to sound dirty. I have several fantastic prizes over here, and I will award them using an extremely complex set of criteria.*
Be creative! If I wanted to read run of the mill vulgarity, I’d look in the archives.
*You make me laugh
October 27, 2011 at 10:37 am
Cuntleberry Douchebag.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Blood fart.
Dick wheeze.
Suck my asshole till you hit corn. (a personal favorite)
October 27, 2011 at 10:59 am
A popular Spanish obscenity is “chupe la mantequilla de mi culo” which translates as “Suck the butter from my ass.”
October 27, 2011 at 11:51 am
Almost sounds like the “San Francisco Bird Feeder”…google away.
October 27, 2011 at 10:13 pm
Damn you.
October 28, 2011 at 2:16 am
I second that damn you. I feel dirty (and nauseous) just reading what that entails. Just the fact that there is a term for that (I will not refer to it as anything else but “that”) blows my mind.
October 28, 2011 at 2:39 am
I haven’t been that gullible since… umm… well Monday or so.
You piss holster.
(credit due http://sweary.com/ with an automated Curse generator. When you have too much pain killer on board to.. uymmm… finish your own…umm.. thought.)
October 29, 2011 at 7:58 pm
I really should have known better. I KNOW better. Damn you, compulsive googling habit!
October 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm
When I was in college a friend of mine used to say, all oozingly sexy-like, “Toke me iguana de amor.”
October 27, 2011 at 3:36 pm
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October 27, 2011 at 5:46 pm
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October 27, 2011 at 11:50 am
Cum gurgling gutter slut
October 27, 2011 at 4:40 pm
I always said cum guzzling gutter slut
along with:
Donkey raping jizzbag
Cock gobbling shit licker
limp dick ass face
I have more but it’s just different variations with shit, animals, fuck, cum, etc.
October 28, 2011 at 8:56 pm
For 25+ years, I have paid homage to Lewis Carroll with: Cum-guzzling guttersnipe
October 27, 2011 at 11:50 am
I’ve always been partial to “Fuck you, you fucking fucker.”
October 27, 2011 at 7:47 pm
Reminds me of “Fuck your fucking face, uncle fucker.”
October 27, 2011 at 10:12 pm
I’ve always been partial to: “Fuck you, you fucking Fuck!”
When I post this as my FB status, those day shift ppl will stay up past their bedtime just to watch the show, cuz they know that 1. I’m drunk & pissed at someone/thing and B. I’ll continue to rant in colorful language.
October 28, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Mine was a little beyond that… it was “You Fuck! You fucking Fuck! You PIECE of Fuck!”
another was “Va te faire foutre” (french for “fuck you”)
October 27, 2011 at 12:01 pm
trying to eat an innocent peanut butter and jelly sandwich while reading this thread is extremely distrubing!!! Happy Thursday to me
)
October 27, 2011 at 12:53 pm
Cocksucking mutherfucking sun of a tampon string sniggle licker!
October 27, 2011 at 6:30 pm
Blood guzzling tampon sucker!
Steaming pile of motherfucking penis juice!
Ouncy Flouncy son of a Cupcake fucker.
October 27, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Cock-juggling sausage wallet.
October 28, 2011 at 6:20 pm
As we now refer to my ex-sister-in-law:
Cock-juggling thunder cunt
(sorry if this is already in here; I tried to read all 1100+ comments before posting, but can’t sit here forever).
December 20, 2011 at 7:35 pm
Blade Trinity!
October 27, 2011 at 5:04 pm
I think sock-sucking skunk-bugger has a nice ring to it. Imagine the fun in trying to say that while drunk.
October 28, 2011 at 11:08 am
It does at that. I would have added the addendum of perhaps a hedgehog-bugger, but then I remembered that the hedgehog can never be buggered at all, and now I’ve just got A Wizard’s Staff Has A Knob On The End stuck in my head.
October 27, 2011 at 5:11 pm
Bongo-tittied, HuxtableFart-barking schnausercunt!
October 27, 2011 at 5:54 pm
My Dad was in the navy when I was growing up. His favorite swear, and it didn’t matter if we had Sister Mary Holywater visiting, was “cock-eyed motherfucker”.
October 27, 2011 at 8:44 pm
I am so glad to finally have an outlet for the myriad of crazy curses I think up while driving.
Cock shitting fuck monkey
titty grabbing ass walrus
badger blowing fuck-monger
merkin munching cum dumpster
shit fucking ass hampster
I feel so relaxed now, thanks regretsy!
October 28, 2011 at 8:26 am
Cunt shitting thunder fuck
Monkey fisting shit slapper
Duck diddling fuck badger
October 27, 2011 at 9:27 pm
http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/a1323_enlarged.html
October 28, 2011 at 4:09 am
I’ve got to say ‘cuntleberry douchebag’ sounds rather festive. Perfect for christmas cussing with the family.
October 27, 2011 at 10:38 am
Cankle slapper!
Yer facked past Tuesday.
Quentin Tarantino!
October 27, 2011 at 10:39 am
Cranberry harbinger.
Black-toothed cackle ass.
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
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October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
You forgot fargin bastage.
October 27, 2011 at 11:45 am
Don’t forget ICEHOLE!
October 27, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Why you lousy sumanumbatch. I’m a-gonna put your bells in a sling!
October 27, 2011 at 11:30 am
I would like to point out that this all seems like it could be adapted to make the game “Sorry!” much less apologetic.
“Cum-snorting shit junkie!”
Or the game Battleship fun in the first place.
October 27, 2011 at 1:58 pm
I could think of nothing better than to create a wordle out of these comments.
Enjoy
October 27, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Or, with 1000 words,
October 27, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I know, I sound picky, but can you remove the time stamps so we can get more words on it? Like “You beef curtained son of a whore.”
October 27, 2011 at 3:30 pm
I removed a whole bunch of them. But seriously.
Also removed October, reply and favorite, among others.
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 pm
All I see is “Lemon Ass Bombs.”
October 27, 2011 at 10:38 am
Fudge toilet.
October 27, 2011 at 10:39 am
(alternative to “fuck”, which my wife demanded once our kid started talking and imitating me).
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
Kids take ALL the fun out of swearing!
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
I’ve got to say Mother Funster.. Sucks
October 27, 2011 at 3:37 pm
I spontaneously came up with “Floofy” when I stubbed my toes in front of a room full up kidlets, and I’ve kept it. It feel good to say with sufficient volume and vehemence.
October 27, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Ditto. As a mom & chronic toe-stubber I have to say “Mother Jeffer son of a goat rubber!
October 28, 2011 at 1:18 pm
In my freshman year in college, some friends of mine came up with a strange game whereby anyone who used one of the “7 Filthy Words” (or derivatives thereof) had to immediately do fifty push-ups.
The substitutions were hilarious: “Son of a bagel!” for example.
October 27, 2011 at 11:08 am
Swearing makes my mouth feel good.
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
Come on…I laughed out loud at that. +1.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Thank you.
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
Oh my God. All the filth posted here and this gets thumbs down.
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
I think someone has gone on a thumbs down raid here… maybe some cunt flapper who is trying to win over HKpril’s love and fucking slaggish affection… I’m just saying
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Suppressing profanity is not the way to my heart
October 27, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Water logged shit mittens?
Or
Peanut-laden ass spackle?
October 27, 2011 at 7:22 pm
“Peanut laden ass spackle” is going in my word bank. Thank you!
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
What a bunch of asshats.
October 27, 2011 at 12:55 pm
Just had my english professor ask what ass hat meant….true story.
October 27, 2011 at 3:53 pm
I used to work at a small video store. We would write obscenities that would flash on the screen when we opened the accounts of customers we didn’t like. Which was great, except for when the customers would lean over the counter to look at the screen.
My manager was not happy when he had to explain to some Ass-Clown what the term “Ass-Clown” meant.
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
Thumbs down because it’s so tame. Given free rein, the most profane this pole-smokin’ felch donkey could come up with was “fudge toilet”?
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
Lick my dingleberries, cock wallet.
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
Much better, santorum-stuffed fissure.
October 27, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Cock Wallet made me piss myself, thanks.
October 27, 2011 at 1:19 pm
Cock wallet, is fucking priceless….
October 27, 2011 at 11:16 am
Fish sticks. My mom used to say it as her curse word but it always made me laugh because it still sounded dirty.
October 27, 2011 at 2:44 pm
I have been shy, waiting to join the conversation until just the right moment. This probably isn’t it, but what the fuckety duck fart.
October 27, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Thumbs up for your name.
October 27, 2011 at 3:50 pm
You probably also cannot hear its echo.
October 28, 2011 at 6:44 am
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October 27, 2011 at 12:12 pm
I personally say fudge monkey. I also say “cluster of grape nuts,” which is a perfect way to describe any parking lot chaos.
October 27, 2011 at 10:38 am
Cuntfalafel!
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
…now I’m hungry for falafel. Perhaps with some roast beef.
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
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October 27, 2011 at 11:47 am
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October 27, 2011 at 10:05 pm
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October 28, 2011 at 6:50 am
You are all a bunch of falafel-quiffing, roast-nucking, tuna fucking, hot sauce guzzling, bloody pussy ladies with cottage cheese cunts.
October 27, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Infidel Falafel. It’s stuffed with pulled pork and cheese.
October 27, 2011 at 11:34 am
I prefer twatfalafel
October 27, 2011 at 2:30 pm
See also: twatwaffle.
October 27, 2011 at 10:39 am
Cuntasaurus Rex
October 27, 2011 at 10:39 am
and her distant relative, twatadactyl
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
Vulvaraptors are fiesty bitches, too.
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
Mother buttfucking shit that’s a lot of prehistoric profanity.
October 27, 2011 at 11:48 am
Triceratwats and smegmasaurus would be unpleasant.
October 27, 2011 at 11:52 am
….where did they go?
October 27, 2011 at 2:13 pm
“smegmasaurus” is inspired.
October 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm
They went the way of the douche-dodo during the Clitacious Extinction.
October 27, 2011 at 3:52 pm
How about Phalloceraptor?
October 28, 2011 at 8:11 am
Twatasaurus?
October 29, 2011 at 12:45 am
Vagisaurus Regina
October 29, 2011 at 2:04 pm
I’m so glad someone else uses Cuntasaurus! It’s what I call my dog when she is being particularly obstinate, which is pretty often.
October 27, 2011 at 10:40 am
Cock juggling thunder cunt happens to be a favorite swear of mine. Fairly simple, but it always seems to say everything I need it to say.
October 27, 2011 at 10:59 am
Didn’t Ryan Reynolds steal that from you to use in Blade 3?
October 27, 2011 at 11:14 am
I thought it was originally from Red Vs. Blue?
October 27, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Could be, but I distinctly remember my favorite RvB cuss as “Back-stabbing cockbite.”
October 27, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Team-killing cock-bite, IIRC.
October 27, 2011 at 4:15 pm
I remember hearing that from Kevin Nealon’s character on Weeds….
God, he always has the best lines in that show.
October 27, 2011 at 10:40 am
Shit-stained butt monkey.
October 27, 2011 at 10:40 am
“Bitch-titted horse finagler” has always been a favorite. She said it didn’t have to make sense, right?
October 27, 2011 at 10:40 am
regurgitated cumbubble
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
soooooo grosssss!
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
I did that once. Came out my nose.
October 27, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Snotfucked splooge barf.
October 28, 2011 at 8:18 am
You made me giggle like a school girl! That was fantastic! Snatch casket is one of my new favorites…
October 27, 2011 at 10:40 am
My kid brother used to say “Plastic Pipe” when he was really pissed off.
He was 5.
I dunno.
October 28, 2011 at 6:53 am
Mine was “Yous a coocoohead.”
October 28, 2011 at 8:24 am
I was about 9 years old when I got in big trouble for calling my brother and penis wrinkle. He threw something at me so I retaliated. My mom asked my sister’s friend what I called him…poor girl couldn’t tell her with a straight face
I thought it was fair game, I learned the phrase from him.
October 27, 2011 at 10:40 am
Cock wallet.
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Pussy Pouch!
October 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Is a cock wallet like a penis holster?
October 27, 2011 at 8:04 pm
More foldy, I think.
Similar to a cockpocket, however.
October 28, 2011 at 12:19 am
Great. Now I have a visual of a bunch of kids clustered around the microwave, waiting for it to dispense nutritionally-devoid flavored cardboard, while that nerve-shredding jingle plays in the background: “Cock POCK-ets!”
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
douchechalupa
October 27, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Actually, putting “douche” before any Taco Bell menu works. Observe:
douchebellgrande
douchecrunchwrapsupreme
douchemeximelt
October 27, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I totally read that as douche cunt wrap supreme.
October 27, 2011 at 11:52 pm
Also, douche+ watercraft.
Douchecanoe, Douche Barge, Douchecraft Carrier…
October 27, 2011 at 12:49 pm
I read that as douchecabra
October 28, 2011 at 2:43 am
The mythical Mexican goat doucher!
October 27, 2011 at 9:27 pm
reminds me of the fat people at taco bell that i like to call chalupacabras
cunt licker and fuck nuts are simple but effective
October 31, 2011 at 10:30 am
duchechalupacabra?
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
I always prefer the ever classic term “FuckTard”
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
Jizz-sniffing Ass-gasser
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
I think this is stolen from an episode of South Park, but “Testicle eating rectal wart” has been one of my all-time favorites.
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Pretty much any part of the “Uncle-Fucker” song from South Park will work. Substitute uncle for almost any animal and it makes it ten times funnier. (I like the “boner-biting bastard” part the best, personally.)
October 27, 2011 at 3:49 pm
Stole the words right out of my mouth you… you…
Wow, this is harder than I thought. >.<
Some that I think have a good ring to them:
steaming twatwaffle
sniveling cockbandit
shit-snuggling cum-dumpster
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
Also:
Syphilitic cum dumpster
I shit on your whore mother
Tyler Perry
October 27, 2011 at 11:19 am
+1 for one of my favorite words (which I used below): syphilitic.
October 27, 2011 at 12:22 pm
my shitty eyesight rendered that as TENTACLE-eating rectal wart” which I like for the octopus reference
October 27, 2011 at 12:24 pm
from the same movie: “eat penguin shit you ass-spelunker”. Ass-spelunker has been a person favorite ever since. also Barbara Streisand and Bob Saget
October 27, 2011 at 12:26 pm
*personal. woops. I was up too late last night being fat and jealous.
October 27, 2011 at 2:30 pm
My favorite is “donkey-raping shit-eater.” Made ten times funnier by Ike being the one who says it.
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
Borflesnarts. Also? Mungina.
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
Dildo-wielding ass pirate
Douche gerbil
Cunt waffle
Cock gobbler
Cum stain licker
Michael Moore
October 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
Smegma face
Festering herpes hole
Carny jerker
I should probably stop now… I think I’m getting turned on.
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
Yipping Vagina Flapstick Fuckers!
October 27, 2011 at 7:04 pm
You’ve met my neighbours?
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Bug-fucking shitweasel!
October 27, 2011 at 12:28 pm
Bug-fucking is being added to my vocabulary this instant.
I’ll be over there, repeating it to myself a few times.
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
I didn’t come up with this one myself, it’s from the South Park movie but I do think it should be in the booklet..
Donkeyraping Shiteater!
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
“shut your fucking face, uncle fucker” is a perennial favorite.
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Avatar WIN!
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
weaseldinked scabnapper
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Twat Rocket
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
cornholing fuckmonkey
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Cuntmuffin.
October 27, 2011 at 11:29 am
My family prefers “cunt nuggets” but I didn’t think of putting other foods after cunt.
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Slightly off-topic: Either Bronc or someone else should be able to use the results to manufacture a Regretsy Brand Automatic Swear Generator, which undoubtedly can come in handy in over a dozen situations.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
I was just thinking – I should make dice out of these so I can roll them when I can’t think of a name to call my ex. You know, like the sex dice, but more likely to be used?
October 27, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Ooh, yes.
1 fluid/secretion die
1 verb die
1 dirty body part die
1 animal/food die
For such results as:
Phlegm sucking twat crepe
October 27, 2011 at 12:47 pm
I would buy them in a heartbeat
October 27, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Then we’d be swearing for CHARITY!
October 27, 2011 at 5:17 pm
We could talk shit TO do good!
October 27, 2011 at 12:34 pm
It would have to be D20s. D6 just wouldn’t provide enough variety.
October 27, 2011 at 12:35 pm
On the other hand, you can’t actually fit much text on a d20…
October 27, 2011 at 3:32 pm
Most are only 4 letters…
October 27, 2011 at 11:49 am
Please make this happen!
October 27, 2011 at 12:23 pm
It can be used omni-purpose!
October 27, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Someone beat us to it: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/play/14081/
October 27, 2011 at 9:47 pm
I like this one:
http://www.rathergood.com/buffy
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Dickless wonder.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
That’s always a winner in my book
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Sure it’s not a wiener in your book? *drum fill*
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
how do you know my ex?
October 27, 2011 at 5:39 pm
You ex is legion.
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Vulvasaur.
(Incidentally this is the only word I can remember from my crazy dream last night about Pokemon-themed porn.)
October 27, 2011 at 11:21 am
My friend and I use “vaginasaur”. Mostly in relation to our own “bits”, mind you, ’cause we’re old.
There’s also a “RAAAAWK!” sound that goes with it, if you’re curious.
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
BITCHES AND CAKES!
Just something I’ve said since high school…. haha
October 27, 2011 at 10:47 am
You can’t go wrong with either
)
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Spewing pus-filled knob head
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
I use this to help me out.
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Oh my, I want one of those! I do curse a lot, I’m even aware of it but it just feels so damn good!
October 27, 2011 at 11:05 am
it’s just about the best little book ever. I wish they had one in every language. I should translate it.
October 27, 2011 at 3:39 pm
First up: Finnish! When are you leaving, Helen?
October 27, 2011 at 12:44 pm
The perfect place to use this would be in the car during my commute. No matter what page I flipped to, the asshat in the next lane would get the message!
October 27, 2011 at 12:49 pm
tit fungus, rectum glob, dildo sniffer,shit plug, twat twister,vagina dumpster,sperm fondler,cooch dangler, oh he list goes on.
October 27, 2011 at 12:50 pm
* the, not he.
October 27, 2011 at 4:18 pm
I have this book. I actually broke it out to make my list.
October 27, 2011 at 6:56 pm
cooch glob,
dildo slime,
crap wanker,
cunt lips,
schlong jacket,
testicle junkie,
ass fondler,
fuck nugget,
tampon booger,
penis muncher,
jizz rag,
bitch bucket,
mother monkey,
wench dumpster,
snot chomper,
pecker farm,
muff sandwich,
queef gobbler*,
beef gargler,
feces basket,
sperm waffle,
pube eater,
panty face,
scrotum biter,
prick junkie,
pussy fucker,
meat blower,
sack donkey,
ho monster,
clit jockey,
fetus dangler,
cunt skank,
weiner pooper*,
rectum lover,
mouth shitter,
twat hole,
pecker pincher,
granny beater*,
diaper sniffer,
snot wipe,
tit twister,
trash slammer,
jerk folds,
anus clot,
nipple glob,
sissy fondler,
slut tickler,
whore fungus,
nut wrangler,
fart diddler,
douche sandwich
*personal favorites
October 28, 2011 at 12:59 am
Queef is so deceptively benign, but somehow gross at the same time.
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
My girlfriends and I instituted a practice that when someone breaks the heart of a member of our group we ceremoniously rename them something usually involving a euphemism for the penis and a four letter word. My favorite has always been DickZit. I’m not sure if that is physiologically possible. but if it is, he deserves one.
Back to the margaritas!
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Am I the only one that noticed ‘zit’ isn’t a four letter word..?
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
I knew that was coming as soon as I posted it. Usually it is a four letter word. Don’t blame me, blame the tequila
October 27, 2011 at 12:02 pm
How about DickBoil?
And yeah, it’s possible. Don’t ask me how I know.
October 27, 2011 at 12:38 pm
I am tempted to google it.
October 27, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Now, why the HELL did I do that?
October 27, 2011 at 12:52 pm
You grew up a lot in those four minutes between posts, didn’t ya?
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
Pox-crotched cumgargler
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
This gets my vote.
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
Cum guzzling gutter whore!!
October 27, 2011 at 10:55 am
We always said ‘cum sucking gutter slut’.
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
My mother taught me it this way, but we all swear different. Keep Swearing Alive!!!
October 27, 2011 at 11:27 am
Vic, is that you?
j/k, but a roommate taught me that one long ago.
October 27, 2011 at 12:02 pm
Nope…just a weird lady who cusses a lot named Jenn
October 27, 2011 at 5:22 pm
I learned that one from a guy named Vic, too.
*looks nervous*
October 27, 2011 at 5:12 pm
I just read that as “cum guzzling glitter whore”… I’ve been here too long.
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
whining cat fart
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
Twuntwich
Dickhole
Twatwaffle
Cum Depot (you can thank my little brother for that one)
Cum Bucket
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Gerkin Jerking mayonnaise factory.
Dripping Douchebag.
Lump-humping window-licking shambling waste of flesh, fat, and tannable leather.
(not one curse word, lol)
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
snotdribbling knobgobbler
slackjawed candyassed cumdumpster
Wow… it IS harder than you’d think at first blush, actually!
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Jesus Titty-Fucking Christ!
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
How about..
Dastardly dick knobbler
One-legged goose pimpler
Cheesefuck McFarthop
Shit-smeared microfiche
Double-Whopper cheese bitch
And last but not least,
Overgrown foreskin rattler.
October 27, 2011 at 12:29 pm
“shit-smeared microfiche” is my favorite so far!
October 27, 2011 at 4:36 pm
You just made me scared to go to the library.
Thanks…
you parchment licking, ink sniffing, font sucker.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
ass nuggests
cunt flaps
shit balls
bitch ripple
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
crusty spunk bubble
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Dickfaced Shitbag of Goosefuckers
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
pathetic little nose-fucker
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Going piratical-sounding, you end up with things like “Bowel-mouthed bilge-trollop” and “Bandy-handed snatchmagnet.”
Going for fun-to-say, you have things like Fuckmuppet, cockpocket, and twatnozzle.
Then, of course, you need adverbs! Lots of adverbs!
Shark-buggering, frog-sucking, and so on.
Then, get personal.
YOU CRAFT-STACKING, SHIT-GLUING, UPCYCLING CUNTMUFFIN.
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
I am sitting alone in my house muttering “bandy-handed snatchmagnet” to myself and giggling. It is WAY too much fun to say.
October 27, 2011 at 11:03 am
Bandy-handed snatchmagnet sounds like something you’d find in the jungles of Indonesia.
October 27, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Or in the Jabberwocky right after the Mome Raths.
October 27, 2011 at 3:39 pm
I think you’ve hit upon Sam’s secret formula!
October 27, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Eleven secret verbs and vices?
October 27, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Sam is the fried chicken of vitriol
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
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October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
I call my identical twin a Cuntish Carbon Copy.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
I would so love to have a twin to reference swear words to. You’re awesomely lucky – both of you Cunts
)
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Titsmoke.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Twatwaffle, cuntasaurus, and zippertwat are favorites of my family.
We put the “fun” in dysfunctional.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Do they HAVE to be English btw? Cause if not I can sure teach you guys a few Dutch curse words ^_^
October 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
My friend was told the word for girlfriend in Norwegian is vinninner, which actually translates to win inside. It also sounds like Been in her. I find this hilarious.
October 27, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Actually, it’s venninne (singular) or venninner (plural). And it’s a “female friend” kind of girlfriend, not the kind that gives head.
October 27, 2011 at 3:42 pm
@medliHime, Go for it! Perkele can’t do all the heavy lifting!
October 28, 2011 at 2:40 am
Everything sounds offensive in Dutch. It’s a very charming language.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Cancerous sore on the ass of a syphillitic mule.
(I worked in foodservice.)
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
You need this:
Found here: http://www.amazon.com/Creative-Cursing-Match-Profanity-Generator/dp/0762435755
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Damn! Someone beat me to it in the 5 seconds it took me to look this up! LOL.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Shit Snorkerler
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
In a moment of blindtarded rage I screamed this gem:
Shitpissing hamsterpants
Also the classics
Douche canoe
Douche silo
Foreskinface
Cuntard
October 28, 2011 at 2:42 am
I read cuntard as cunturd. Which I think works pretty well too. Gives a nice mental image!
October 28, 2011 at 1:12 pm
That’s one way to say the abortion didn’t work.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
I’ve played this before, and my favourite was ‘fuckpig nobrot’. For a never ending supply may I direct you towards an English magazine called Viz? Look up their profanisaurus rex for more than you can shake a stick at. One of my favourites is a ‘stamped bat’(i.e. a stomped on flying hairy mammmal) to describe a particularly unappealing vagina. You’re welcome xxx
October 27, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Look at http://www.milkinfirst.com/dictionary/profanisaurus.htm for a full on-line version of the Profanisaurus
October 27, 2011 at 3:35 pm
There are NO unappealing vaginas.
Having said that, one of my favorite outrages (and this is not directed at anyone nor am I flouncing):
“Fuck you assfucks in your prolapsed fuckholes!”
October 27, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Apparently you’ve never googled blue waffle.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Twatterfinger.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Taintastical gonad guzzler
Flappy-titted cocksock
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Squid-dick waggler (Squid-dick is when you hold a bunch of bananas in front of your groin and rock it slowly)
Douchemyzel
PQRS word
Fanchon licker (Fanchon was the name of a female reporter on our local news)
Cum-guzzling communist
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
Re: Fanchon… You must be from Detroit… lol
October 27, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Fox 2: Find out what’s killing you!
But still better than
Channel 7 Action News: Detroit’s homeliest news team
October 27, 2011 at 3:24 pm
She was at TV5 in Saginaw for awhile before she moved on to Detroit. What’s terrible is that my dad decided Fanchon was his code word for a public fart.
October 28, 2011 at 1:13 pm
To bad your dad didn’t live in Georgia. I would have loved to see what he came up with for our local newscaster, Chip Creamer.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
another favorite: Poxy whore
October 27, 2011 at 6:05 pm
I was 14 and pregnant when I chose the name Poxy Udo Greyson Neil for my son. I saw the word Poxy in the script for Sid & Nancy. I didn’t know what it meant, but it had a bunch of letters that looked cool together.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Oh daughter of an alcoholic cuntmonkey.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Vaginal Blood Nugget!
October 27, 2011 at 11:05 am
Why thumbs down… we’re going for reprehensibly vulgar.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
steaming cunt drop
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Skank-humping mattress jockey
Cum tank
Spooge dripping gutter-slut
Hairy-assed twat monger
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Camelfucking twuntsicle and piss.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Punky Bitchster
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
You’re a fecal blasting butt cuddler.
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
oh yea, and Carpetbagging Ho Muncher!
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
Slack-tittied cum-quaffer!
(Really rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?)
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
asslord
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
Rick Santorum.
oh, wait………
October 27, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Now, that’s just disgusting!
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
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October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
Cheap-ass Douchenozzle.
Dickpickle.
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
“You’re one weeping snatch away from being a complete fucking bitch.”
– courtesy of the sleeptalkinman.com
October 27, 2011 at 10:47 am
Douchecanoe
Puss from a festering clit wart.
October 27, 2011 at 10:47 am
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October 27, 2011 at 10:47 am
Douche canoed twat nugget
Cuntcookie cum dunker
Herpes eating monkey fucker
Son of a pirate hooker
October 27, 2011 at 10:47 am
also – “Cum Dumpster” “Jizz Pool” “ass monger” “Broseph” or anything Bro-related, Rat Rapist, tuna-can plunderer, (s)he of the dripping ass, Hotel Herpes, Crab Shack,
Your father won the horse faire, your mother tracks rabbits by scent
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
Anal Extrusion!!
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
If I may translate directly from Finnish:
Oh spring of cunts and cold spell of cocks.
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
WTPerkele!
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
what about butter cunt? Is that one for real?
Best regards, Sweden
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
Cunt nugget!
Shit stain!
Lint licker! (Stole that one from an Orbit gum commercial…)
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
Chlamydia stain on the knickers of life.
Can also be changed for STD of your choice.
October 27, 2011 at 12:23 pm
You can multipurpose!
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
Ass Blasting Jism Phylactery is a dear favorite.
I actually stamped my favorite curse phrases on a set of stationery for my friends a couple months ago. I think everyone’s favorite was the Cunt Nugget / Bitch Tits / Spectral Twat Flap set.
October 27, 2011 at 11:14 am
I forgot my other favorite, born of a director mistakenly giving me the okay to ad-lib: Hairy Areola!
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
hip-rattle
October 27, 2011 at 5:44 pm
gob-shite!
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
Pusscrumb munching cuntmuffin.
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
Crusty-Sacked Phlegm Felcher
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Cum Pustules
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
dick wrinkle
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
CUNTHULU
October 27, 2011 at 10:47 pm
I don’t know. I feel like this one has the potential to be a compliment.
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Velveeta Vagina
Jesus Fucking Christ-sicles
Shitpickles
Jesus Fucking Christ on a Pogo Stick Eating a Fucking Ham Sandwich
October 28, 2011 at 2:48 am
Thumbs up for shitpickles!
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Dick Purse
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Badgerbagging clustercunt
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
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October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
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October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Goddamned shriveled-cock sucking eunuch son of a $15 bat-faced pus-crotched, toothless whore.
And that’s just when the Mr. forgets to take the garbage out.
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Bloody Queef!
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
baked brain flan
October 27, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Fecking arsewipes!
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
“wet festering cunt” is my favorite go-to phrase.
my friends and i also have a theory that you can make any curse word sound simultaneously more disgusting when thought of literally *and* like a term of endearment when not, simply by adding a name of a pastry/dessert somewhere. eg:
tit danish
muffin pecker
shit cakes
cumstain sundae
angel food cocksucker
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 pm
There’s a restaurant near me that specializes in desserts, particularly pie, so this should be a breeze for me. Let me try it out:
French Silk Slit
Dutch Apple Ass
Strawberry-Rhubarb Pustule
German Chocolate Wanker
Key Lime Cock
Texas Fudge Pecan Piss
…on second thought, maybe I’ll just stick with “bludgeonfucker”.
October 28, 2011 at 9:09 am
Several hours later, I find that although I originally intended them facetiously, I actually kind of like “German Chocolate wanker” and “Key Lime cock”.
“Strawberry-rhubarb pustule” doesn’t have the same ring, but has such a high bizarre-factor that I think I want it on a sampler in my living room, just to make people stare and try to convince themselves that it can’t possibly say what they think it says.
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
Effervescent Shitstain.
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
- bag of dicks
- cum dumpster
- cocksucking asslicking motherfucker
- fuckstick
- fuckwad
- and, though not “dirty”, I’ve always enjoyed “slut puppy” (as stolen from “The Golden Girls”)
October 27, 2011 at 11:46 am
One of my all time favorites is “Non-Newtonian fuckwad.”
Here’s my handy Cussin’ Chart (which is in no way complete). Just pick one word from each column:
October 27, 2011 at 11:56 am
Your chart is a thing of beauty.
October 27, 2011 at 2:26 pm
This needs to be expanded to 26 items in each category (or you could lump some of the the less common letters). Then, using the first and last letters of people’s first and last names, you could generate an individual swear word for your family members and friends.
October 27, 2011 at 2:36 pm
That’s beyond brilliant. And I’m currently up to 18 in each category.
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
Cunt-Wrap Supreme
Flaccid Phallus from Baghdad
Bitchtits
Margaret Thatcher’s ‘O’ Face
Pricking Dickwiffler
Frosted Twat
Shower of Cunts
Piss Chunker
Bastarding Sodomist (Pronounced bar-stard for poshness)
Flange Monkey
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Excellent showing
October 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
Cunt-wrap Supreme made me hungry for Taco Bell. Is that wrong? Because I’m all about a fracking taco.
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
I don’t think we have any Taco Bells here in the UK, so I can’t pass judgment on how bad it is.
But mmm, cholesterol!
October 27, 2011 at 11:09 am
Taco Bell is blissfully horrible. Just imagine the worst curry you’ve ever eaten, stuff it in a donkey’s ass, and the heaping pile that is left after his business goes right into a taco.
BUT IT’S SO GOOD.
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
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October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
cum burpin’ jism jockey
October 27, 2011 at 11:07 am
You beat me to it!
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
cum-guzzling gutter slut
October 27, 2011 at 11:09 am
Fantastic assonance on this one.
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
We may be setting a record for most posts in the shortest amount of time.
October 27, 2011 at 11:17 am
…in a thread that isn’t about breast-feeding, circumcision, and/or hobo weddings.
(P.S., thanks for the cleanup work. Way better.)
October 27, 2011 at 11:32 am
>>…in a thread that isn’t about breast-feeding, circumcision, and/or hobo weddings<<
Ooh, yes! Either we're going to hit a flounce record or they'll be quiet becaues their brains explode when they read this thread.
p.s. What cleanup work? I'm confused.
October 27, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Oh yes, Mugsy, that reminds me. Crotch teeth! Not just a reminder of yesterday’s fuckery, the phrase would also make a great addition to our swear pile.
October 27, 2011 at 6:19 pm
Thanks, Kimoutre! Thought I’d actually been able to block that from my mind and get a good night’s sleep. Silly, silly me!
I don’t mean to be rude, but I must go now and collapse in a fetal position in the corner, whimpering and sucking the corner of the quilt that’s covering me.
October 27, 2011 at 9:26 pm
Oh, sorry Mugs, I wasn’t clear. I was thanking the Admin-type Admins for cleaning up my double-post.
THAT ASIDE.
You guys are a bunch of creative fuckballs. Swearin’ like a sailor with his cock caught in the door.
October 28, 2011 at 9:08 am
Hi, Mistletoe. Thanks for clearing up the confusion. (I love that you brought in Comic Book Store Guy!)
October 27, 2011 at 1:14 pm
Yes, I agree. It’s refreshing to have a happy thread that’s just chock full of good, honest cussin’.
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Cock-juggling thunder-cunt.
October 27, 2011 at 3:41 pm
This has majesty in its awesomeness and poetry in its cadence. Well done!
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Sheepshagging lollygaggers. Actual invective. I use that one in traffic a lot.
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
First I have to say that I’m a long-time fan, first-time caller (or typer). Now that that’s out of the way:
Shit-covered bloody cock monster.
My personal favorite
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
Also: shitspit
October 27, 2011 at 9:15 pm
Oh, and another gem I just remembered as I yelled at my husband (does it really matter why? Oh, it does? He was refusing to let me get back on Regretsy to check this thread — YEAH I KNOW, RIGHT?):
flaccid fudge rocket
And this thread is out of control.
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Pigfucker. Surprised how often I use this!
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Motherfucking cunt-licking piece of douche shit
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Yak Hunt Sniffing Poon Hound
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Flappy-lipped cocksock.
Twatnozzle, dicktwizzle, fuckernuttery.
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
fartbox tonguepuncher
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Cunty McCunterson. (Old favorite of mine.)
Syphillitic douchedripping.
Nub-fondling chicken molester.
Spanking cockwanker.
Plague-infested pusscunt.
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
I’ve always like Bitchy McWhinypants as well… any combination with that one is entertaining.
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Dirty twatwaffle mother of a venereal disease ridden blue waffle whore.
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Pussy footed Shart gargler. Wanking fuck face!
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
booger-fucker
October 27, 2011 at 5:48 pm
percolating perkele!
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Spandex-humping crotch jockey
Vaginally-discharged blood bubble
Crotch dropping
Cranial-rectcal inversion
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Herpes encrusted goatse gusher
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
I feel as though this would be wildly helpful, so I’m going to leave it here… http://www.theawl.com/2011/10/the-golden-age-of-dirty-talk
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
Racaub, the testimonies of your Manhood are swell’d as big, Sirrah, as a couple of Norfolk dumplings!
October 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm
I’m surprised in this group, we haven’t got more pirate-y or Shakespearean…
http://www.william-shakespeare.org.uk/a1-shakespearean-insults-generator.htm
Really, I could play on that site all day.
October 27, 2011 at 4:18 pm
The hermaphrodite in me appreciates this. Literally inside me. Delicious hermaphrodites.
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Slimy snot of a shit weasel.
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Slug’s enema
Projectile diarrhea guzzler
Master Sergeant Douchenozzle of the 1st Douche Brigade
Tarantula testicle teabag
Ass abortion
Choking on a spicy cockmeat sandwich with extra cock on the side
Cuntslapped
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
cuntless Barbie-doll
October 30, 2011 at 9:26 pm
Wouldn’t that just be a Barbie doll?
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
fuck my dickhole!
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Equine mother of a churl’s whore!
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Holy Mother of Dirty Klugers
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Snot sucking horse knuckler
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
I’ll submit my favorite German curse, one that every German I know blushes at (they expect me, the stupid American, to know the typical schweine, arshloch, etc. and I bust this out and they just kind of stare, dumbfounded…):
Schlabberfotze
It means slobbery, watery cunt, and it’s SO much fun to say.
October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
oh my god say it isn’t true! My grandpa used to call us that! No wonder no one would tell us what it meant! Good thing he’s bee dead for 30 years…
October 28, 2011 at 1:04 am
My grandfather used to call us cheese heads in Dutch…
October 28, 2011 at 6:40 am
That’s not a particularly offensive insult. Kaaskoppen (cheese heads) is what the Dutch somewhat affectionately call themselves.
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Go fuck a can opener!
October 28, 2011 at 1:06 am
That reminds me of something my friend came up with when a guys she didn’t like asked her out… She said she’d rather slide down a palm tree naked, then bathe in lemon juice.
October 28, 2011 at 8:37 am
I’m much more subtle… When a guy I don’t like asks me out, I write “my” phone number down on a piece of paper and smile pretty. Imagine his surprise when he calls the number and gets the local police station.
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Anally extruded cumbubble
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
Flapwad
Flapcheese
Cunt puncher
Cuntan the Fuckbarian
Jizzsnorter
Douchenozzle
Asshat
Cum dumpster
Pap schmearing fuckface
Hole
Ballchoker
Fist hole
puckered cat ass
Swollen dick eye
Prolapsed rectum face
Clitgagger
Chode monger
Gooey shitfingers
Cum crust
vom inducing whore cream
taint fur
FURBURGER
dicklick
cum-eyed slut hole
toothy sack beggar
Ball hair
Cumbiscuit
Fuck pie
Ray Romano’s vagina
-long time lurker first (second?) time commenter. i love you people. thanks for the laughs.
October 27, 2011 at 11:32 am
oh man! i forgot CRAPGASM. sheesh. thursdays.
October 28, 2011 at 3:38 pm
I present VAGICORN. though i dont think it’s a cuss? more like a compliment?
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
Roast Beef Au Jus.
You slice hot dogs!
His magnificent purple snot-vomiter.
Simple classic: Goat Felcher.
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
gas-for-brains
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
cunting asshat
its total nonsense but my drunken repeated yelling it got us talked to by a park ranger on a camping trip.
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
Piss flapping cum gobbler
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
Curdled cum gargler
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
Asseyes
October 27, 2011 at 10:55 am
The one that used to stop my ex-husband in his tracks was when I called him a stubby pencil dick.
October 30, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Sounds like quite a catch!
October 27, 2011 at 10:55 am
If I want any shit from you I will scrape your boyfriends dick!
October 27, 2011 at 10:55 am
Cunty McFuckstick
October 27, 2011 at 10:55 am
Crotch Pheasant
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
Elegant…
October 27, 2011 at 1:05 pm
How about ‘pestilential meat curtain’? I think i’m over-thinking it…
October 27, 2011 at 1:17 pm
No, that’s also very elegant. Continue with the thinking, please.
October 27, 2011 at 1:38 pm
disastrous rectal gland
vulvacidal assworm
Steampunk tampon rivet
hemorrhagic fist fissure
pustulent chode fluffer
muff flosser
I think I’ll pause for tea.
October 27, 2011 at 5:55 pm
These made me giggle, particularly “steampunk tampon rivet”.
October 27, 2011 at 9:20 pm
This is my favorite.
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
vaglitic douche twiddler
Leo DiCaprio
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
$5-dollar ass-slapper
Wizened twunt (especially for nasty old women)
Butt-knuckle
are favourites of mine.
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
I like hamsterpants, which somebody above contributed. Sorry, can’t relocate it now.
In fits of rage I have also called people hamsterhead and amoebahead.
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
Etsy-wetsy (I’ve used this in conversation)
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
Fuck you in the weenie, Bitch!!! (you gotta say it like you mean that shit)
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
goat raper
cuntastic
October 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
bunghole pirate
October 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
The feminine version of ball buster:
Cunt Puncher
October 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
Even though this is quite benign compared to the above posts, I’ve always had a soft spot for “son of a motherless goat”.
October 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
Hmmmmmm, let’s dig some out of my old archive…
From High School there was “Regurgitated Cum Bubble”, “Thigh Dripping”, and “Primate Anal Sweat”; which was typically followed by “Bicycle Seat Repairman”. (we were teenagers, don’t ask me…)
In my more refined days we’ve gone more to using “Asshat”, “Bagodicks”, and “Twatwaffle”. I’m not really sure if that’s growing up or not…
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
Pulsating mingy Bitch
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
Cum-smoking assistant crack whore
October 27, 2011 at 12:48 pm
its the assistant part that really pulls the swear together
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
Cum guzzling thunder cunt’s always been one of my favorites!
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
Bejazzled spank-tassel !
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
Jiminey Fucking Crickets, you are a bunch of magnificent cuntcrackers. I’m getting all moist with gratitude. I am going to fucking WIN at birthday presents!
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
If anyone here isn’t sure how to make up horrific-sounding insults (unlikely, I know), here’s a fantastic lesson from Better Off Ted:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bh7Nz4bIwss&feature=player_detailpage#t=98s
“Dick-infested man mattress” might be my favorite.
October 27, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Yay! Was about to post about this, but thought I’d do a search to make sure someone else hadn’t already. Man, I love me some Lem and Phil!
October 27, 2011 at 10:59 am
navel-fucker
October 27, 2011 at 10:59 am
fuck flaps!
cum tickler!
whore nugget!
twat fungus!
and
tampon wanker!
October 27, 2011 at 10:59 am
Poobadger
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
Poobadger don’t care!
October 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
He’s nasty ! Nasty-ass Poobadger.
October 27, 2011 at 11:00 am
Pucker-licking Cooter-slut
October 27, 2011 at 11:00 am
May I add
Douchekabob
bloody vaginal fart
and, from the late great, Jim Morrison,
You can suck a fart out of my asshole.
October 27, 2011 at 11:00 am
vacant rectum
October 27, 2011 at 11:01 am
cum guzzling gutterslut *
twat cake
cunt cookie
cum stain
yabos
twat face
twat rocket
*personal favorite
October 27, 2011 at 11:01 am
Glitter Tits
(Got that from here a bit ago…it’s my new favorite)
October 27, 2011 at 11:01 am
Cocktopus is another one I tend to use when I am pretending to ignore someone. “Sorry can’t hear you, I’m being attacked by I giant cocktopus!” I saw it on a British TV show somewhere.
Grilled dick cheese
hobbitwat (I’ve always thought they were hairy and disproportional to their size)
scrotum-tits
taintpurse
October 27, 2011 at 11:19 am
cocktopus!!! OMG! I’m dyin’ here!! love it!
October 27, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Oh man, I do remember hearing that one too, and I don’t remember which show it was from either!
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
dogfart pie
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
Not sure I can compete with all of the fat, jealous losers above, but my favorite comes from my best friend when the Mayo Clinic rejected my application for admittance because my symptoms included undiagnosed chronic fatigue and pain when the very reason I was applying was because I was looking for a diagnosis!
Cum guzzling cockpandas!
Asspanda also works just as well.
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
I just keep seeing the ad possibilities for asspanda ointment…
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
I like: “Son of a syphallitic camel!”
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
syphilitic butt nugget hoarder
October 27, 2011 at 11:03 am
Cum-smeared, cock-stuffed cunt
[You sir, are a] cum-gurgling cockpocket of yeast and despair
October 27, 2011 at 11:03 am
Shitfoetus
thumb biting cheese head (if we’re going historically accurate)
thistle ridden bowel bagged cur
festering muck shoveler
boil – bearer
fucksticks
October 27, 2011 at 11:03 am
asstrainer
October 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
I stole this from South Park, but “Shit-faced cock-master” has always been a favorite.
October 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
From an old fantasy novel:
Defiler of virgin goats!
Bastard offspring of a camel and a goat!
Eat shit, piss up a rope, bark at the moon, fuck off, and die!
October 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
Armpit humper
October 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
Used insurance salesman.
“He’s not scum, he’s the stuff scum feeds on”.
/give me a break, I’m Canadian
October 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
I just actually commented “Great Caeser’s Cocksucking Ghost!” on Facebook. Because, yes, I’m a comics nerd.
October 27, 2011 at 11:05 am
Grandma’s fucking hands
October 27, 2011 at 11:05 am
fart-in-the-box
October 27, 2011 at 11:05 am
Rum soaked menage a twat
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
Shit-flinging wank-monkey.
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
crunchy cuntpuddles!
shitslapper
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
douchenoodle
cuntmaggot
ferret fucker (the antithesis of gerbil lover)
gerbil fun-tunnel
sascrotch (for the un-mown women out there, is that womyn?)
dickbush (for the untrimmed menfolk)
george bush
santorum sucker
son of a felching monkey
dirty sanchez whore
rusty trombone rider
dick cheney
ass sniffing midget
dingle chomping dwarf
man-titted lardbucket
goatse supermodel
vile vag chum
duck butter on toast (we call ball/thigh sweat “duckbutter”)
son of a sodomizing goat herder
meatwaffle
roast beef and catsup sandwich (think dirty, do the visual…)
fart breath
noxious fume spewing gasbag
cameltoed slagwhore
squirrel dicked wonder
lopsided silicon fun bag tramp
methwhore
crackwhore
assless wonder
spineless manfreak
blueballed baby
head cheese connoisseur
pube picker
October 27, 2011 at 11:15 am
I suddenly feel the need to defend the weasels and ferrets after this thread…
October 27, 2011 at 11:24 am
what? no defense for shaved gerbils? Nah, by the time the razor comes out, its too late.
October 27, 2011 at 4:29 pm
Just knit them a few sweaters… it’ll be fine
October 28, 2011 at 1:14 am
Or turn this into a meme a la Flounce Cats.
Introducing “Swear Ferrets!”
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
Festering cunt nuggets!
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
Lower than whale shit on the bottom of the ocean.
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
haggletoothed jizz sipping hippy
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
shit skipper
Captain Douchebag
October 27, 2011 at 11:07 am
Silt Moistener
Bung Wrangler
Thruck
Tassie fiddler
And I’m sure turd burglar and ass bandit have been said, but look, i’ve been watching a lot of beavis and butthead lately so they’ve kind of become favorites…
October 27, 2011 at 11:07 am
Squick-n-Lick
I refuse to explain what “Squick” means.
October 27, 2011 at 11:09 am
Lickin’ Squick would be even better. Keep your lunch in on that one
October 27, 2011 at 11:07 am
Man-boob fuckmeister
October 27, 2011 at 11:07 am
Hemorrhoid farmer
Mensturation-covered assbaby
Donkey fingerbanger
Diarrhea-sucking alligatorcock
Seagull-scrotum!
October 27, 2011 at 11:08 am
Cleft-lip cockwasher
October 27, 2011 at 11:08 am
You son of a monkey diddler.
October 27, 2011 at 11:08 am
Regurgitated cum bubble!
October 27, 2011 at 11:08 am
I’ve always been a fan of “Twat waffle” myself.
Let see what else..
-Pig ignorant chicken plucker
-AIDS ridden puke puddle
-Chockacockra (I think this was one we thought up when we were trying to come up with odd porn titles..I think it was going to be a porn about a mythical Mexican beast that had a huge member, and would sneak into hot girls bedrooms at night and they all immediately wanted to give him and BJ. Or something really weird like that.)
-Great cock block of China
-Blood Bukake
-Fetus deletus
I really wish I had a better memory, for as many “colorful” phrases my friends and I come up with I can’t think of many.
Yes some of my friends are really pretty offensive(especially one of them, he’s an angry ball of hate.
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
Ugh.. * CHOKEacockra (I can’t spell and spell check wasn’t going to help me on that one.)
October 27, 2011 at 11:09 am
Cum soaked assbag.
October 27, 2011 at 11:09 am
Bitchmade motherfucker
Crotch
Cap’n Lester (sailor slurs into cat molester)
Beet twaddling scallywag
The only way to judge any of these posts though is to say them out loud. I suggest in a work cubicle.
October 27, 2011 at 11:09 am
Fartus interruptus.
October 27, 2011 at 11:09 am
Cheese vaged jizzjar
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
From one of the Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horrors episodes I saw this week, Groundskeeper Willie calling Principal Skinner, “You blouse-wearing, poodle-walker!”
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
Fucking Douche Glitter Fuck
or for short
You Fucking Fucker
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
One I read on a forum for a webcomic: Useless Broom Made Entirely out of Dicks.
Apparently it’s used to try to defend against the hordes of ‘shippers.
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
dull crotch-blade
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
Growing up, my sister’s favorite was “afterbirth of a lesbian clusterfuck.”
Junkslut
Dickwizard
October 27, 2011 at 11:28 am
Also, adding “mongoloid” to anything really shocks people. Such as “mongoloid rectal inspector.”
October 27, 2011 at 11:11 am
Phlegm lubricated turdshooter!
October 27, 2011 at 11:11 am
Robert Mugabe’s throbbing gristle
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
Wangbasket, cum dumpster, cock holster (didn’t read through the 166+ comments, so if I repeated someone else’s stuff, tough cunt blisters)
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
go fuck a diaper
October 27, 2011 at 5:51 pm
well fuck me sideways!
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
Cock-smoker
Donkey puncher
Douchecanoe
Shitlicker
And, of course, my favorite Monty Python insults:
vacuous toffee-nosed malodorous pervert
stupid git
kniggit
second-hand electric donkey bottom biter
son of a windowdresser
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
The Monty Python insults really are gold.
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
Fuck yeah they are.
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
Sphinx Tour Master Caterer
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
DJ Shitty McDick Shits, Fart, the Turd
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
(that’s a single title for one person)
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
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October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
twatwaffle cuntinental breakfast baconpocket shitagooseturd.
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
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October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
Twat + Cunt = Twunt
October 27, 2011 at 11:15 am
Big fan of “twunt”; I say it regularly.
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
From those Orbitz commercials, “Lint Licker” was my fave.
October 27, 2011 at 11:14 am
…I’m not so good at making the swears
October 27, 2011 at 3:13 pm
Neither am I.
I just say “Fuck it” a lot, and that soothes this raging beast.
Then again I’ve always found Thunder Thighs rather offensive. Or even worse Tsumnai Thighs– thighs so big that shake in that weird wave pattern.
Did I mention that my ex was a dick, and I have him to thank for such wonderful imagery? Fucking fiery faggot of a fiend.
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
“festering hemorrhoid on the asscrack of humanity” is always a personal favorite.
October 27, 2011 at 11:21 am
So you’ve met my stripper niece?
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
Jumping jesus h christ on a pogo stick
October 27, 2011 at 11:14 am
Ball-Sucking Lizard-Lipped Jerk Stick
October 27, 2011 at 11:14 am
Egyptian wrongcock
October 27, 2011 at 11:14 am
Suck my warty wand!
October 27, 2011 at 11:15 am
Cockamamie Peccadillo! (Never thought I’d use that ONCE in a day, let alone TWICE.)
Squamousized Smegmonkey
Jizz-saw Pustule
Gangrenous Twatswabber
Stingular Craptacularity
George W. Bush
Phlegm-licking Pit-sniffer
Syphilitic Spooge-bag
Turdalicious Thumbs-downers…
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
You can really class those up by saying “You sir, are a…” before each one.
October 27, 2011 at 11:15 am
Twat-gobbling hermit crab
October 27, 2011 at 11:16 am
sharp as a rabbit pellet
October 27, 2011 at 11:17 am
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October 27, 2011 at 11:17 am
crater-ass
October 27, 2011 at 11:17 am
You one-handed wand wizard!!
October 27, 2011 at 11:17 am
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October 27, 2011 at 11:05 pm
fuckstick is one of my faves.
October 27, 2011 at 11:17 am
Might be a wee bit highbrow but perhaps fun…. http://www.tastefullyoffensive.com/2011/10/shakespeare-insult-kit.html
October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
Mung Rag
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mung%20rag
October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
ass-grenade
October 27, 2011 at 5:52 pm
fart attack!
October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
Suckfuckassshitcock
Cockmonger
Piss slit
Cuntshit
FuckerTwat
Old French Whore
Dick tiddler
Jackfapper
Cunt monkey
Taint tickler
Crotch bagger
Assmonger
Fish flaps
“turn your dick inside out”
Cunt sack
pickle flicker
pancake tits
thumb nipples
tit curtains
shit whale
cock robber
foreskin pinch
taint massager
pugfucker
ass cannon
turd flinger
stank spank
ho boat
October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
Mongolian clusterfuck is a favorite
And the one that my best friend taught me: snowshoe. As in describing a woman who is so useless, the best you could hope for is to kick her in the cunt and use her as a snowshoe.
October 27, 2011 at 11:21 am
bwhahahaha! I just burst out laughing like a manic hyena! That’s fuckin’ awesome!
October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
Fanny tit wank
Cunt bucket
Arse Wank
Dick Rag
Fucking whoring cunting shitebag
Celery knob
Cheesy Gobbler
October 27, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Ooh, ‘titwank’! I’ll have to steal that one.
October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
Kelly Clarkson.
October 27, 2011 at 11:19 am
Festering dickwhistle
Trinity of trollop (don’t ask me)
oozehorker
October 27, 2011 at 11:19 am
The nuns I lived with in El Salvador wouldn’t teach me Spanish swear words, so I was forced to come up with my own
hijo de la puta madre (son of the whore-mother)rolls off the tongue quite nicely.
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
There’s also chupacabra tacaña which translates to “stingy goatsucker”
October 27, 2011 at 11:19 am
Ampersand Exclamation Asterisk Percent Sign
October 27, 2011 at 11:19 am
Crab-dubbing cockswain!
Knicker-kicking rake-nubber!
Booty looting, slobber brained hack!
Pucker ducker!
Skerb-my-scab! I’ve got a mind to flim-flabble your twat bottom!
October 27, 2011 at 12:08 pm
OMG flim-flabble your twat bottom had me inhaling my energy drink!!!
October 27, 2011 at 11:21 am
She-Wolf of Incontinence [courtesy of Dante Alighieri]
Thundercunt
Taint-licker
Mormon
October 27, 2011 at 11:21 am
Hamfisted spackprannet
October 27, 2011 at 11:21 am
Dick Breath! (It’s not really a cuss word I just find it funny.)
October 27, 2011 at 11:22 am
“fuck me running” is a favorite of mine, to which the reply is always “Start running”
October 27, 2011 at 11:22 am
Fart Collector
Mung Muncher
Crusty Coochie
Ball Sweat
October 27, 2011 at 11:22 am
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October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
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October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
(I’ll stop now)
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
Graze on my ass hair
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
Cunt-licking muffin muncher!
October 27, 2011 at 12:36 pm
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
putrid placenta picker
festering fart fucker
moist undulating envagenator
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
kumquat juggler ~ kiwi tickler ~ garbanzo guzzler ~ dingleberry pie crust eater
October 27, 2011 at 11:24 am
Father-fucking Chupacabrassiere
October 27, 2011 at 11:24 am
Infected Hemorrhoid
October 27, 2011 at 11:24 am
http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html This site is fun for Shakespear insults.
October 27, 2011 at 11:24 am
More of a gentlemanly insult than sheer sailor profanity, but a friend once said it to me and I loves it all the same:
You, sir, are nothing more than a fiendish fresh water salmon living in salt water.
October 27, 2011 at 11:25 am
You nipple-oozers have finally convinced me to creep out of my lurker hole and overcome my laziness to create a log in so I can comment. This counts as my one act of defying laziness for the day. All wasted on you canine jizz lickers.
And here it is for what it’s worth.
Pope Poking Penis Puller
Now back to my cheetos and world of warcraft. I have a raid in ten minutes.
October 27, 2011 at 11:25 am
Goat-riding bobble twat!
October 27, 2011 at 11:25 am
Gleet gulping galoot
Spoogesponge
Fucksicle
Boy butter baister
and not really an obscenity per se but something my aunt said to me when I was nine and didn’t want to go to bed (really)
“Get the fuck up there or I’ll slit your bag and run your left leg through it!”
October 27, 2011 at 11:25 am
Cumguzzling cuntwagon
October 27, 2011 at 11:26 am
Kelly Clarkson!
October 27, 2011 at 11:26 am
bestial cuntduggary
October 27, 2011 at 11:26 am
i saw this show where one guy calls another guy:
“you TIT!” (with a british accent). i thought that was amazing.
tosspot is also good
October 27, 2011 at 11:27 am
Bonerbeast
October 27, 2011 at 11:27 am
Something in Swiss-German: Schaafseckel
translated: sheeppenis
October 27, 2011 at 11:27 am
cum guzzling gutter slut
sick prodigy of an inbred cluster fuck
swampass licking thunder cunt
…sorry I am super tired that’s all I’ve got now.
October 27, 2011 at 11:27 am
Fuck-knuckle
October 27, 2011 at 11:28 am
Ye -
festered ass-barnacle
pox-cocked squid fucker
slimey-tongued bum-swabber
3-shilling bildge-whore
October 27, 2011 at 11:56 am
bilge-whore stupid “fridge” spelling gets me every time.
October 27, 2011 at 11:28 am
Moist tilly
Quivering crevice
Vagina slap
These are all terms of endearment between my aunt and I
October 27, 2011 at 11:29 am
You are the flatus in the sleeping bag of Life!
October 27, 2011 at 11:29 am
cock-juggling thundercunt!
October 27, 2011 at 11:29 am
Cunt flap slinger
October 27, 2011 at 11:30 am
crank-faced harlot schlocker
October 27, 2011 at 11:30 am
My grandma used to say “Coonanny”
October 27, 2011 at 11:31 am
Wankie Doodle Dandy
October 27, 2011 at 11:40 am
EEK. Doodle is what my sons call their you-know-whats. And they have a sing-a-ma-jig that sings Yankee Doodle Dandy. Yeah. My 6-year-old likes to change it to “Put a doodle in his hat” and then can’t finish the song because he’s giggling so hard.
And so am I.
MOTHER OF THE YEAR RIGHT HERE!!!
October 27, 2011 at 11:31 am
CUM DRUNK WHORE
October 27, 2011 at 11:32 am
May plague-infested rats fuck you in the nose while you sleep.
October 27, 2011 at 11:33 am
I had a friend who was once described as a “Vagina Tickler”. This is basically the male equivalent of a cocktease.
October 27, 2011 at 2:15 pm
My friends called our male cocktease a clit-disturber
October 27, 2011 at 11:33 am
Fucked-out eunuch
October 27, 2011 at 11:34 am
My 81 year old gran’s favorite is “Son of a cock sucking whore”. She says it while driving mostly. She’s only 4’11 and can’t see much over the steering wheel but of coarse it’s the other driver’s fault!
October 27, 2011 at 11:36 am
My 90year old gran would never swear unless you got her REALLY pissed. Usually it was just “Oh, hair.”
If you got her mad enough, though, it was “you ass.” Mostly she said it to grandpa.
Every once in a while she’d let out a “what in Sam Hill….”
Thank you for allowing me this moment to remember that.
October 28, 2011 at 9:45 am
I really like how you misspelled ‘of course’ there. Wrong, but so very appropriate!
October 28, 2011 at 1:25 pm
HAHA! Well, Regretsy may have the red squiggle lines but it lacks the green ones!
October 27, 2011 at 11:34 am
Syphilitic cockmunching whore
Vadge slug
chum sucker (no, that’s not misspelled)
Most of my other curses are variations on the word “douche,” but several years ago – when facing the driving styles of Georgia, USA – we came up with the term “assfuck.” Simple, yet effective.
October 27, 2011 at 11:34 am
GOATSE lover
Grundle breath
Butt hair plucker
Cock cheese nacho
Douche nozzle
October 27, 2011 at 11:34 am
corn-fucking squirtface
October 27, 2011 at 11:35 am
mother ducking ass-noodle
blue-balled fuck-wit
mind-fucked twat-waffle
jack-wagon
boyfriend stealing slutbag
perkele-loving homo erectus
shit loving shit stain
assbitchmotherfucker (i say that a lot in pain-rage)
fucking shit-tastic
mother ducking pastry puff
lint-licking sod-roller
bird-brained midget-pecker
……………….Of course what I use the most when I’m mad at someone is something along these lines:
“go lick a screen door you fucking douchebag”
Now scuze me, I need an orbits gum… you flea-flicking, cat-licking, low-ball dirty-Harry parsnip-loving cunt-socking Regretsian asshats…
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 am
A package of Orbits should be in the prize package, lol.
October 27, 2011 at 12:03 pm
I concur.
October 27, 2011 at 11:35 am
Sweaty Hog Fucker
Donkey Raping Shit Eater
My favorite: Clown Fucker
My husband’s favorite: Saggy Cat Balls
October 27, 2011 at 11:36 am
We should really do this more often…
Cum thumper
Jizz jester
Rabid rectal reamer
Bill O’Reilly (I’m surprised no one’s already listed him)
October 27, 2011 at 11:39 am
We totaly should. There should be a theme or something.
October 27, 2011 at 11:36 am
Boutros Boutros Ghali wanker
Beano fucking Dandy
October 27, 2011 at 11:36 am
gonna get majorly scorned at for this, but whatever…
im canadian, and well, amongst my friends, the biggest insult we can give each other is to call them
JUSTIN BEIBER
October 27, 2011 at 11:46 am
Oooh, that’s so cruel!
October 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm
One of the kids at work remarked that another kid (with floppy hair) looked like a “Mexican Justin Beiber” – another one piped up with “Justin Beaner.”
October 27, 2011 at 11:37 am
Here’s some great inspiration:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSEYXWmEse8
October 27, 2011 at 11:37 am
Needle-dicked bug-fucker
(my mother’s pet name for my dad, they were divorced before I was even born)
Dickshit
(something i screamed in traffic on accident, thinking dickhead and dipshit at the same time)
Knobslobber
(something a customer at a tobacco outlet I worked at, no lie, called the Butt Hut, called one of the employees)
Michele Bachmann’s cobweb-dusted, moldy cheese twat
(her husband’s biggest fear)
Crusty butt booger
(it just makes me giggle, probably not good since I’m at work!!)
October 27, 2011 at 11:37 am
Lulubelly – based on the incredible response, I’m guessing you could put together a pretty decent booklet and sell it on Etsy (or at least through April’s Army). I’d certainly pick up a copy so I can give up the Orbit commercial insults.
October 27, 2011 at 11:37 am
CUM DRUNK WHORE (usually slurred into one word)
shit nipple
thundercunt
fuck puddle
panty puddin
cum bubble
dog shit taco (yes, I stole that from south park)
October 27, 2011 at 11:37 am
dog-faced spawn of a boil-ridden anus….I finally got my password!
October 27, 2011 at 11:38 am
The periodic Table of swearing.
“http://www.moderntoss.com/shitnaks/new/periodic-table-magnet-set/”
October 27, 2011 at 11:38 am
Merry Go Fuck Yourself
October 27, 2011 at 11:38 am
Touch hole McDouchebag. I love this game.
October 27, 2011 at 11:40 am
***Cooze eating splooge filter***
October 27, 2011 at 11:41 am
Fanny Pack!
Mangina
Moobs
Bitch-tits
October 27, 2011 at 11:41 am
“You don’t have a stick up your ass. Your ass is a fucking
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 am
…Your ass is a fucking quiver!”
Fat floppy friggin’ fingers.
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 am
tyrannosaurus rectal prolapse
i saw one once, at the pay-by-the-pound thrift store not far from my house. it’s pretty much purgatory for things that are too crappy to make it onto regular thrift store shelves. or an etsy resource goldmine. depending on your mindset.
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 am
Cuntknuckle
Vagina Jockey
Cum gargling assmuncher
Scabateur
Assweasle
Turdsmoker
Crotchpimple
Gusset sniffing fartknocker
Butt Nugget
Count Fartula (One of my dog’s many nicknames)
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 am
anything with SMEAR:
cunt smear
cock smear
ass smear
cock sucking puke smear…you get the idea. Something about smear…
October 27, 2011 at 11:44 am
My dad used to refer to wet or icy roads as “slicker’n a cat’s ass.” I don’t know what it means, but I use it whenever I can.
October 27, 2011 at 11:44 am
frog humping toad whore
October 27, 2011 at 11:45 am
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October 27, 2011 at 11:46 am
Cock-snot covered twat.
Sometimes I refer to my Husband and his fellow marines as the following: Colon cowboy, rectal rocketeer, anal avenger.
cheese covered ham wallet.
crusty lipped oyster ditch.
October 27, 2011 at 11:47 am
my second ex, the one who was afraid of sex & bus stops, was also afraid of profanity. i stayed w/ him fourteen years, he curbed just about everything i did. i never had the sailor mouth of my psychoanalyst mother; otoh, his absolute & hours long shrieking over the one thing i did used to say, fuck it all to death, pretty much shut me up forever. well, it was one of the things he did that did.
i wish i could think of something more interesting to donate. i’m sick, i’m gonna go lie down, maybe i will dream something. always possible.
October 27, 2011 at 11:47 am
Giminy fartbuckets
Bleeding monkeycunt scab
Palin anus
Clit honker
Doodie McFartsickles
Glitternuts
Ladyhole-shover
Fuckwatts
Creamy butthole with fudge sprinkles on top
Staph-ridden asshole farmer
Drunkfrontbutt
October 27, 2011 at 11:48 am
Tampon sucker
October 27, 2011 at 11:49 am
Spunk splatter
October 27, 2011 at 11:49 am
Pigmy Whore
October 27, 2011 at 11:50 am
Twatstacean
Fuckerdoodle
Twuntasaurus Rex
Putadora (pronounced poo-ta-door-a, based on the Spanish for bitch or whore)
Cipacupa (pronounced tsip-a-tsup-a, based on the Polish word for see you next Tuesday)
Piichachu (pronounced pee-cha-choo, based on the Czech word for twat)
Seacrestion
October 27, 2011 at 11:52 am
That Pikachu sure gets around.
October 27, 2011 at 11:50 am
May a pig fuck you in the eye with his pointy penis.
October 27, 2011 at 11:50 am
In the spirit of stealth profanity for the all-ages edition:
eel-nurdler
tentacle-stretcher
well if that ain’t a bilge smoothie
Scallywang!
October 27, 2011 at 11:51 am
I tried to read all of these to make sure I wasn’t double/triple posting but i got a VD about #76 so here are mine (apols if there are repeats you jealous losers.)
Cuntnugget
Eyepotatoes
cunty daggers
Christ on a crab-covered crutch
cumbunny (think of furries and shudder)
cumbunion
I’m going to rip your head off and shit down your neck! (this should be sung in a Broadway style. I would record myself singing it and attach it but I’m lazy.)
October 27, 2011 at 11:51 am
FUPA-grinder.
October 27, 2011 at 11:53 am
Cuntflap Flounce Weasel
October 27, 2011 at 12:47 pm
October 27, 2011 at 5:57 pm
I <3 weasels.
October 27, 2011 at 11:54 am
My personal favorites include
Cuntbucket
Fuckwad
October 27, 2011 at 11:54 am
Arse biscuits
Knobgoblin
Fucking Christ crackers
October 27, 2011 at 11:55 am
My favorite is Cockhammer or Butt trumpet.
Anything with queef is hilarious. Georgia O’Queef. Queen LaQueefa. Or where’s the queef?
Also, from the Vagina monologues:
Coochie Snorcher
Nappy Dugout
Tuna Town
Ham Wallet
Split Knish
October 27, 2011 at 1:04 pm
Queef is a highly underrated and underused word.
Why, we can:
Turn the other Queef.
Go dancing Queef to Queef.
And there is
To catch a Queef.
The Queef of hearts.
Like a Queef in the night.
Your Vagisty, Queef of England.
Finally from the epic film Dodgeball: I Love The Smell Of Queef In The Morning.
October 27, 2011 at 11:56 am
You rancid-semened, rot-blooded, syphilitic, cheese-fucking, phlegm-tossing, maggotty analingus-loving, doorknob-humping, wallaby-molesting, pus-ejaculating, three-day-old mackerel urethral sounds. You use acrylic yarn in your crafts and St. Bernard saliva as lube.
Sweet Socrates on a pogo stick, what a profane bunch you cunt-inverting distended hemorrhoids are. Go ride a cactus. Seriously, fuck you all with a stuffed parrot.
October 27, 2011 at 4:41 pm
spinning a wheel of brie!
my best friend made that up decades ago to describe an activity undertaken by one of her exes–hers are, in their rotten, rotten way even more spectacular than mine–i believe he was the assistant to the première of BC at the time….
{it was yr cheese-fucking that woke me up.}
October 27, 2011 at 11:56 am
Beaverhousen
Licktard
Baltog
Basket Weaver
Muncher
Reese’s Fuck
S&M’s
Stickher Bar
Rolhoe’s
Great…now I’m hungry
October 27, 2011 at 11:57 am
Cuntwasp
Minge monkey
Wanktoast
Fuckwad
Stupidfuckingcuntybollocksexpialidocious
October 27, 2011 at 11:57 am
Pah’tak!
Sloblock!
Monkey balls!
Putain!
Fluck!
And of course cloughing, prunk, shote, cucking, fusk, pipslider, and pimhole.
October 27, 2011 at 12:07 pm
I lurve ‘pah’tak! Only others versed in Klingon can appreciate the insult!
October 30, 2011 at 9:50 pm
It makes me sad that I recognize Klingon speech.
October 27, 2011 at 11:57 am
old leathery men.
i dont think it means anything, it’s just what he liked.
he liked to go get drunk w/ old leathery men. boy was he nuts.
October 27, 2011 at 11:58 am
I love people with Tourette Syndrome! They are the sunshine on my cloudy day!
October 27, 2011 at 11:58 am
Gob of synthetic monkey cum dribbling off a dead goat’s nose (bartender who served me warm vodka was likened to this charming image)
Used post-menstrual douche (this one is usually reserved for drivers who don’t understand that the far left lane is for my exclusive use)
October 27, 2011 at 11:59 am
Pernitious lactating harpy