Let’s Play a Game
While we’re waiting for the final pumpkin carving contest entries to come in, I thought we might amuse ourselves and help out a fellow Regresty reader at the same time.
From: Lulubelly
Subject: SailorTrouble
My Dear Ms. Killer -
My friend’s birthday is in mid-November and I need some assistance with my gift plan.
Years ago we “invented” a game we call SailorTrouble. It involves drinking (naturally) and playing this game — with the added stipulation that every time you hit the Pop-O-Matic dice roller you must swear like a drunken sailor. It’s not as much fun as the sailor trouble we got up to when we were young, but it keeps us from wandering away from the house while the children are sleeping.
I found a portable version of the Trouble game, and I want to make a SailorTrouble rule booklet that includes several pages of swear words. Shouldn’t be a problem for a devoted Regretsian to come up with a cartload of of creative profanity, right?
WRONG. I have maybe 25 words, most of which I stole from Sam Cornwell videos. Do you think you could enlist your cabal of cunt flapping snot floggers to assist with this fuckery?
I am sincerely your devoted goat blower,
Lulubelly
Well, this sounds like it’s right up your puckered alley!
Leave your most imaginative profanity in the comments. It doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to sound dirty. I have several fantastic prizes over here, and I will award them using an extremely complex set of criteria.*
Be creative! If I wanted to read run of the mill vulgarity, I’d look in the archives.
*You make me laugh
October 27, 2011 at 10:37 am
Cuntleberry Douchebag.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Blood fart.
Dick wheeze.
Suck my asshole till you hit corn. (a personal favorite)
October 27, 2011 at 10:59 am
A popular Spanish obscenity is “chupe la mantequilla de mi culo” which translates as “Suck the butter from my ass.”
October 27, 2011 at 11:51 am
Almost sounds like the “San Francisco Bird Feeder”…google away.
October 27, 2011 at 10:13 pm
Damn you.
October 28, 2011 at 2:16 am
I second that damn you. I feel dirty (and nauseous) just reading what that entails. Just the fact that there is a term for that (I will not refer to it as anything else but “that”) blows my mind.
October 28, 2011 at 2:39 am
I haven’t been that gullible since… umm… well Monday or so.
You piss holster.
(credit due http://sweary.com/ with an automated Curse generator. When you have too much pain killer on board to.. uymmm… finish your own…umm.. thought.)
October 29, 2011 at 7:58 pm
I really should have known better. I KNOW better. Damn you, compulsive googling habit!
October 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm
When I was in college a friend of mine used to say, all oozingly sexy-like, “Toke me iguana de amor.”
October 27, 2011 at 3:36 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 11:50 am
Cum gurgling gutter slut
October 27, 2011 at 4:40 pm
I always said cum guzzling gutter slut
along with:
Donkey raping jizzbag
Cock gobbling shit licker
limp dick ass face
I have more but it’s just different variations with shit, animals, fuck, cum, etc.
October 28, 2011 at 8:56 pm
For 25+ years, I have paid homage to Lewis Carroll with: Cum-guzzling guttersnipe
October 27, 2011 at 11:50 am
I’ve always been partial to “Fuck you, you fucking fucker.”
October 27, 2011 at 7:47 pm
Reminds me of “Fuck your fucking face, uncle fucker.”
October 27, 2011 at 10:12 pm
I’ve always been partial to: “Fuck you, you fucking Fuck!”
When I post this as my FB status, those day shift ppl will stay up past their bedtime just to watch the show, cuz they know that 1. I’m drunk & pissed at someone/thing and B. I’ll continue to rant in colorful language.
October 28, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Mine was a little beyond that… it was “You Fuck! You fucking Fuck! You PIECE of Fuck!”
another was “Va te faire foutre” (french for “fuck you”)
October 27, 2011 at 12:01 pm
trying to eat an innocent peanut butter and jelly sandwich while reading this thread is extremely distrubing!!! Happy Thursday to me
)
October 27, 2011 at 12:53 pm
Cocksucking mutherfucking sun of a tampon string sniggle licker!
October 27, 2011 at 6:30 pm
Blood guzzling tampon sucker!
Steaming pile of motherfucking penis juice!
Ouncy Flouncy son of a Cupcake fucker.
October 27, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Cock-juggling sausage wallet.
October 28, 2011 at 6:20 pm
As we now refer to my ex-sister-in-law:
Cock-juggling thunder cunt
(sorry if this is already in here; I tried to read all 1100+ comments before posting, but can’t sit here forever).
December 20, 2011 at 7:35 pm
Blade Trinity!
October 27, 2011 at 5:04 pm
I think sock-sucking skunk-bugger has a nice ring to it. Imagine the fun in trying to say that while drunk.
October 28, 2011 at 11:08 am
It does at that. I would have added the addendum of perhaps a hedgehog-bugger, but then I remembered that the hedgehog can never be buggered at all, and now I’ve just got A Wizard’s Staff Has A Knob On The End stuck in my head.
October 27, 2011 at 5:11 pm
Bongo-tittied, HuxtableFart-barking schnausercunt!
October 27, 2011 at 5:54 pm
My Dad was in the navy when I was growing up. His favorite swear, and it didn’t matter if we had Sister Mary Holywater visiting, was “cock-eyed motherfucker”.
October 27, 2011 at 8:44 pm
I am so glad to finally have an outlet for the myriad of crazy curses I think up while driving.
Cock shitting fuck monkey
titty grabbing ass walrus
badger blowing fuck-monger
merkin munching cum dumpster
shit fucking ass hampster
I feel so relaxed now, thanks regretsy!
October 28, 2011 at 8:26 am
Cunt shitting thunder fuck
Monkey fisting shit slapper
Duck diddling fuck badger
October 27, 2011 at 9:27 pm
http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/a1323_enlarged.html
October 28, 2011 at 4:09 am
I’ve got to say ‘cuntleberry douchebag’ sounds rather festive. Perfect for christmas cussing with the family.
October 27, 2011 at 10:38 am
Cankle slapper!
Yer facked past Tuesday.
Quentin Tarantino!
October 27, 2011 at 10:39 am
Cranberry harbinger.
Black-toothed cackle ass.
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
You forgot fargin bastage.
October 27, 2011 at 11:45 am
Don’t forget ICEHOLE!
October 27, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Why you lousy sumanumbatch. I’m a-gonna put your bells in a sling!
October 27, 2011 at 11:30 am
I would like to point out that this all seems like it could be adapted to make the game “Sorry!” much less apologetic.
“Cum-snorting shit junkie!”
Or the game Battleship fun in the first place.
October 27, 2011 at 1:58 pm
I could think of nothing better than to create a wordle out of these comments.
Enjoy
October 27, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Or, with 1000 words,
October 27, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I know, I sound picky, but can you remove the time stamps so we can get more words on it? Like “You beef curtained son of a whore.”
October 27, 2011 at 3:30 pm
I removed a whole bunch of them. But seriously.
Also removed October, reply and favorite, among others.
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 pm
All I see is “Lemon Ass Bombs.”
October 27, 2011 at 10:38 am
Fudge toilet.
October 27, 2011 at 10:39 am
(alternative to “fuck”, which my wife demanded once our kid started talking and imitating me).
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
Kids take ALL the fun out of swearing!
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
I’ve got to say Mother Funster.. Sucks
October 27, 2011 at 3:37 pm
I spontaneously came up with “Floofy” when I stubbed my toes in front of a room full up kidlets, and I’ve kept it. It feel good to say with sufficient volume and vehemence.
October 27, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Ditto. As a mom & chronic toe-stubber I have to say “Mother Jeffer son of a goat rubber!
October 28, 2011 at 1:18 pm
In my freshman year in college, some friends of mine came up with a strange game whereby anyone who used one of the “7 Filthy Words” (or derivatives thereof) had to immediately do fifty push-ups.
The substitutions were hilarious: “Son of a bagel!” for example.
October 27, 2011 at 11:08 am
Swearing makes my mouth feel good.
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
Come on…I laughed out loud at that. +1.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Thank you.
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
Oh my God. All the filth posted here and this gets thumbs down.
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
I think someone has gone on a thumbs down raid here… maybe some cunt flapper who is trying to win over HKpril’s love and fucking slaggish affection… I’m just saying
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Suppressing profanity is not the way to my heart
October 27, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Water logged shit mittens?
Or
Peanut-laden ass spackle?
October 27, 2011 at 7:22 pm
“Peanut laden ass spackle” is going in my word bank. Thank you!
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
What a bunch of asshats.
October 27, 2011 at 12:55 pm
Just had my english professor ask what ass hat meant….true story.
October 27, 2011 at 3:53 pm
I used to work at a small video store. We would write obscenities that would flash on the screen when we opened the accounts of customers we didn’t like. Which was great, except for when the customers would lean over the counter to look at the screen.
My manager was not happy when he had to explain to some Ass-Clown what the term “Ass-Clown” meant.
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
Thumbs down because it’s so tame. Given free rein, the most profane this pole-smokin’ felch donkey could come up with was “fudge toilet”?
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
Lick my dingleberries, cock wallet.
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
Much better, santorum-stuffed fissure.
October 27, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Cock Wallet made me piss myself, thanks.
October 27, 2011 at 1:19 pm
Cock wallet, is fucking priceless….
October 27, 2011 at 11:16 am
Fish sticks. My mom used to say it as her curse word but it always made me laugh because it still sounded dirty.
October 27, 2011 at 2:44 pm
I have been shy, waiting to join the conversation until just the right moment. This probably isn’t it, but what the fuckety duck fart.
October 27, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Thumbs up for your name.
October 27, 2011 at 3:50 pm
You probably also cannot hear its echo.
October 28, 2011 at 6:44 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 12:12 pm
I personally say fudge monkey. I also say “cluster of grape nuts,” which is a perfect way to describe any parking lot chaos.
October 27, 2011 at 10:38 am
Cuntfalafel!
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
…now I’m hungry for falafel. Perhaps with some roast beef.
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 11:47 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 10:05 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 28, 2011 at 6:50 am
You are all a bunch of falafel-quiffing, roast-nucking, tuna fucking, hot sauce guzzling, bloody pussy ladies with cottage cheese cunts.
October 27, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Infidel Falafel. It’s stuffed with pulled pork and cheese.
October 27, 2011 at 11:34 am
I prefer twatfalafel
October 27, 2011 at 2:30 pm
See also: twatwaffle.
October 27, 2011 at 10:39 am
Cuntasaurus Rex
October 27, 2011 at 10:39 am
and her distant relative, twatadactyl
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
Vulvaraptors are fiesty bitches, too.
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
Mother buttfucking shit that’s a lot of prehistoric profanity.
October 27, 2011 at 11:48 am
Triceratwats and smegmasaurus would be unpleasant.
October 27, 2011 at 11:52 am
….where did they go?
October 27, 2011 at 2:13 pm
“smegmasaurus” is inspired.
October 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm
They went the way of the douche-dodo during the Clitacious Extinction.
October 27, 2011 at 3:52 pm
How about Phalloceraptor?
October 28, 2011 at 8:11 am
Twatasaurus?
October 29, 2011 at 12:45 am
Vagisaurus Regina
October 29, 2011 at 2:04 pm
I’m so glad someone else uses Cuntasaurus! It’s what I call my dog when she is being particularly obstinate, which is pretty often.
October 27, 2011 at 10:40 am
Cock juggling thunder cunt happens to be a favorite swear of mine. Fairly simple, but it always seems to say everything I need it to say.
October 27, 2011 at 10:59 am
Didn’t Ryan Reynolds steal that from you to use in Blade 3?
October 27, 2011 at 11:14 am
I thought it was originally from Red Vs. Blue?
October 27, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Could be, but I distinctly remember my favorite RvB cuss as “Back-stabbing cockbite.”
October 27, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Team-killing cock-bite, IIRC.
October 27, 2011 at 4:15 pm
I remember hearing that from Kevin Nealon’s character on Weeds….
God, he always has the best lines in that show.
October 27, 2011 at 10:40 am
Shit-stained butt monkey.
October 27, 2011 at 10:40 am
“Bitch-titted horse finagler” has always been a favorite. She said it didn’t have to make sense, right?
October 27, 2011 at 10:40 am
regurgitated cumbubble
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
soooooo grosssss!
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
I did that once. Came out my nose.
October 27, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Snotfucked splooge barf.
October 28, 2011 at 8:18 am
You made me giggle like a school girl! That was fantastic! Snatch casket is one of my new favorites…
October 27, 2011 at 10:40 am
My kid brother used to say “Plastic Pipe” when he was really pissed off.
He was 5.
I dunno.
October 28, 2011 at 6:53 am
Mine was “Yous a coocoohead.”
October 28, 2011 at 8:24 am
I was about 9 years old when I got in big trouble for calling my brother and penis wrinkle. He threw something at me so I retaliated. My mom asked my sister’s friend what I called him…poor girl couldn’t tell her with a straight face
I thought it was fair game, I learned the phrase from him.
October 27, 2011 at 10:40 am
Cock wallet.
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Pussy Pouch!
October 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Is a cock wallet like a penis holster?
October 27, 2011 at 8:04 pm
More foldy, I think.
Similar to a cockpocket, however.
October 28, 2011 at 12:19 am
Great. Now I have a visual of a bunch of kids clustered around the microwave, waiting for it to dispense nutritionally-devoid flavored cardboard, while that nerve-shredding jingle plays in the background: “Cock POCK-ets!”
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
douchechalupa
October 27, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Actually, putting “douche” before any Taco Bell menu works. Observe:
douchebellgrande
douchecrunchwrapsupreme
douchemeximelt
October 27, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I totally read that as douche cunt wrap supreme.
October 27, 2011 at 11:52 pm
Also, douche+ watercraft.
Douchecanoe, Douche Barge, Douchecraft Carrier…
October 27, 2011 at 12:49 pm
I read that as douchecabra
October 28, 2011 at 2:43 am
The mythical Mexican goat doucher!
October 27, 2011 at 9:27 pm
reminds me of the fat people at taco bell that i like to call chalupacabras
cunt licker and fuck nuts are simple but effective
October 31, 2011 at 10:30 am
duchechalupacabra?
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
I always prefer the ever classic term “FuckTard”
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
Jizz-sniffing Ass-gasser
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
I think this is stolen from an episode of South Park, but “Testicle eating rectal wart” has been one of my all-time favorites.
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Pretty much any part of the “Uncle-Fucker” song from South Park will work. Substitute uncle for almost any animal and it makes it ten times funnier. (I like the “boner-biting bastard” part the best, personally.)
October 27, 2011 at 3:49 pm
Stole the words right out of my mouth you… you…
Wow, this is harder than I thought. >.<
Some that I think have a good ring to them:
steaming twatwaffle
sniveling cockbandit
shit-snuggling cum-dumpster
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
Also:
Syphilitic cum dumpster
I shit on your whore mother
Tyler Perry
October 27, 2011 at 11:19 am
+1 for one of my favorite words (which I used below): syphilitic.
October 27, 2011 at 12:22 pm
my shitty eyesight rendered that as TENTACLE-eating rectal wart” which I like for the octopus reference
October 27, 2011 at 12:24 pm
from the same movie: “eat penguin shit you ass-spelunker”. Ass-spelunker has been a person favorite ever since. also Barbara Streisand and Bob Saget
October 27, 2011 at 12:26 pm
*personal. woops. I was up too late last night being fat and jealous.
October 27, 2011 at 2:30 pm
My favorite is “donkey-raping shit-eater.” Made ten times funnier by Ike being the one who says it.
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
Borflesnarts. Also? Mungina.
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
Dildo-wielding ass pirate
Douche gerbil
Cunt waffle
Cock gobbler
Cum stain licker
Michael Moore
October 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
Smegma face
Festering herpes hole
Carny jerker
I should probably stop now… I think I’m getting turned on.
October 27, 2011 at 10:41 am
Yipping Vagina Flapstick Fuckers!
October 27, 2011 at 7:04 pm
You’ve met my neighbours?
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Bug-fucking shitweasel!
October 27, 2011 at 12:28 pm
Bug-fucking is being added to my vocabulary this instant.
I’ll be over there, repeating it to myself a few times.
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
I didn’t come up with this one myself, it’s from the South Park movie but I do think it should be in the booklet..
Donkeyraping Shiteater!
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
“shut your fucking face, uncle fucker” is a perennial favorite.
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Avatar WIN!
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
weaseldinked scabnapper
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Twat Rocket
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
cornholing fuckmonkey
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Cuntmuffin.
October 27, 2011 at 11:29 am
My family prefers “cunt nuggets” but I didn’t think of putting other foods after cunt.
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Slightly off-topic: Either Bronc or someone else should be able to use the results to manufacture a Regretsy Brand Automatic Swear Generator, which undoubtedly can come in handy in over a dozen situations.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
I was just thinking – I should make dice out of these so I can roll them when I can’t think of a name to call my ex. You know, like the sex dice, but more likely to be used?
October 27, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Ooh, yes.
1 fluid/secretion die
1 verb die
1 dirty body part die
1 animal/food die
For such results as:
Phlegm sucking twat crepe
October 27, 2011 at 12:47 pm
I would buy them in a heartbeat
October 27, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Then we’d be swearing for CHARITY!
October 27, 2011 at 5:17 pm
We could talk shit TO do good!
October 27, 2011 at 12:34 pm
It would have to be D20s. D6 just wouldn’t provide enough variety.
October 27, 2011 at 12:35 pm
On the other hand, you can’t actually fit much text on a d20…
October 27, 2011 at 3:32 pm
Most are only 4 letters…
October 27, 2011 at 11:49 am
Please make this happen!
October 27, 2011 at 12:23 pm
It can be used omni-purpose!
October 27, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Someone beat us to it: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/play/14081/
October 27, 2011 at 9:47 pm
I like this one:
http://www.rathergood.com/buffy
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Dickless wonder.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
That’s always a winner in my book
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Sure it’s not a wiener in your book? *drum fill*
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
how do you know my ex?
October 27, 2011 at 5:39 pm
You ex is legion.
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Vulvasaur.
(Incidentally this is the only word I can remember from my crazy dream last night about Pokemon-themed porn.)
October 27, 2011 at 11:21 am
My friend and I use “vaginasaur”. Mostly in relation to our own “bits”, mind you, ’cause we’re old.
There’s also a “RAAAAWK!” sound that goes with it, if you’re curious.
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
BITCHES AND CAKES!
Just something I’ve said since high school…. haha
October 27, 2011 at 10:47 am
You can’t go wrong with either
)
October 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Spewing pus-filled knob head
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
I use this to help me out.
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Oh my, I want one of those! I do curse a lot, I’m even aware of it but it just feels so damn good!
October 27, 2011 at 11:05 am
it’s just about the best little book ever. I wish they had one in every language. I should translate it.
October 27, 2011 at 3:39 pm
First up: Finnish! When are you leaving, Helen?
October 27, 2011 at 12:44 pm
The perfect place to use this would be in the car during my commute. No matter what page I flipped to, the asshat in the next lane would get the message!
October 27, 2011 at 12:49 pm
tit fungus, rectum glob, dildo sniffer,shit plug, twat twister,vagina dumpster,sperm fondler,cooch dangler, oh he list goes on.
October 27, 2011 at 12:50 pm
* the, not he.
October 27, 2011 at 4:18 pm
I have this book. I actually broke it out to make my list.
October 27, 2011 at 6:56 pm
cooch glob,
dildo slime,
crap wanker,
cunt lips,
schlong jacket,
testicle junkie,
ass fondler,
fuck nugget,
tampon booger,
penis muncher,
jizz rag,
bitch bucket,
mother monkey,
wench dumpster,
snot chomper,
pecker farm,
muff sandwich,
queef gobbler*,
beef gargler,
feces basket,
sperm waffle,
pube eater,
panty face,
scrotum biter,
prick junkie,
pussy fucker,
meat blower,
sack donkey,
ho monster,
clit jockey,
fetus dangler,
cunt skank,
weiner pooper*,
rectum lover,
mouth shitter,
twat hole,
pecker pincher,
granny beater*,
diaper sniffer,
snot wipe,
tit twister,
trash slammer,
jerk folds,
anus clot,
nipple glob,
sissy fondler,
slut tickler,
whore fungus,
nut wrangler,
fart diddler,
douche sandwich
*personal favorites
October 28, 2011 at 12:59 am
Queef is so deceptively benign, but somehow gross at the same time.
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
My girlfriends and I instituted a practice that when someone breaks the heart of a member of our group we ceremoniously rename them something usually involving a euphemism for the penis and a four letter word. My favorite has always been DickZit. I’m not sure if that is physiologically possible. but if it is, he deserves one.
Back to the margaritas!
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Am I the only one that noticed ‘zit’ isn’t a four letter word..?
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
I knew that was coming as soon as I posted it. Usually it is a four letter word. Don’t blame me, blame the tequila
October 27, 2011 at 12:02 pm
How about DickBoil?
And yeah, it’s possible. Don’t ask me how I know.
October 27, 2011 at 12:38 pm
I am tempted to google it.
October 27, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Now, why the HELL did I do that?
October 27, 2011 at 12:52 pm
You grew up a lot in those four minutes between posts, didn’t ya?
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
Pox-crotched cumgargler
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
This gets my vote.
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
Cum guzzling gutter whore!!
October 27, 2011 at 10:55 am
We always said ‘cum sucking gutter slut’.
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
My mother taught me it this way, but we all swear different. Keep Swearing Alive!!!
October 27, 2011 at 11:27 am
Vic, is that you?
j/k, but a roommate taught me that one long ago.
October 27, 2011 at 12:02 pm
Nope…just a weird lady who cusses a lot named Jenn
October 27, 2011 at 5:22 pm
I learned that one from a guy named Vic, too.
*looks nervous*
October 27, 2011 at 5:12 pm
I just read that as “cum guzzling glitter whore”… I’ve been here too long.
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
whining cat fart
October 27, 2011 at 10:43 am
Twuntwich
Dickhole
Twatwaffle
Cum Depot (you can thank my little brother for that one)
Cum Bucket
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Gerkin Jerking mayonnaise factory.
Dripping Douchebag.
Lump-humping window-licking shambling waste of flesh, fat, and tannable leather.
(not one curse word, lol)
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
snotdribbling knobgobbler
slackjawed candyassed cumdumpster
Wow… it IS harder than you’d think at first blush, actually!
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Jesus Titty-Fucking Christ!
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
How about..
Dastardly dick knobbler
One-legged goose pimpler
Cheesefuck McFarthop
Shit-smeared microfiche
Double-Whopper cheese bitch
And last but not least,
Overgrown foreskin rattler.
October 27, 2011 at 12:29 pm
“shit-smeared microfiche” is my favorite so far!
October 27, 2011 at 4:36 pm
You just made me scared to go to the library.
Thanks…
you parchment licking, ink sniffing, font sucker.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
ass nuggests
cunt flaps
shit balls
bitch ripple
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
crusty spunk bubble
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Dickfaced Shitbag of Goosefuckers
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
pathetic little nose-fucker
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Going piratical-sounding, you end up with things like “Bowel-mouthed bilge-trollop” and “Bandy-handed snatchmagnet.”
Going for fun-to-say, you have things like Fuckmuppet, cockpocket, and twatnozzle.
Then, of course, you need adverbs! Lots of adverbs!
Shark-buggering, frog-sucking, and so on.
Then, get personal.
YOU CRAFT-STACKING, SHIT-GLUING, UPCYCLING CUNTMUFFIN.
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
I am sitting alone in my house muttering “bandy-handed snatchmagnet” to myself and giggling. It is WAY too much fun to say.
October 27, 2011 at 11:03 am
Bandy-handed snatchmagnet sounds like something you’d find in the jungles of Indonesia.
October 27, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Or in the Jabberwocky right after the Mome Raths.
October 27, 2011 at 3:39 pm
I think you’ve hit upon Sam’s secret formula!
October 27, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Eleven secret verbs and vices?
October 27, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Sam is the fried chicken of vitriol
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
I call my identical twin a Cuntish Carbon Copy.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
I would so love to have a twin to reference swear words to. You’re awesomely lucky – both of you Cunts
)
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Titsmoke.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Twatwaffle, cuntasaurus, and zippertwat are favorites of my family.
We put the “fun” in dysfunctional.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Do they HAVE to be English btw? Cause if not I can sure teach you guys a few Dutch curse words ^_^
October 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
My friend was told the word for girlfriend in Norwegian is vinninner, which actually translates to win inside. It also sounds like Been in her. I find this hilarious.
October 27, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Actually, it’s venninne (singular) or venninner (plural). And it’s a “female friend” kind of girlfriend, not the kind that gives head.
October 27, 2011 at 3:42 pm
@medliHime, Go for it! Perkele can’t do all the heavy lifting!
October 28, 2011 at 2:40 am
Everything sounds offensive in Dutch. It’s a very charming language.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Cancerous sore on the ass of a syphillitic mule.
(I worked in foodservice.)
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
You need this:
Found here: http://www.amazon.com/Creative-Cursing-Match-Profanity-Generator/dp/0762435755
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Damn! Someone beat me to it in the 5 seconds it took me to look this up! LOL.
October 27, 2011 at 10:44 am
Shit Snorkerler
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
In a moment of blindtarded rage I screamed this gem:
Shitpissing hamsterpants
Also the classics
Douche canoe
Douche silo
Foreskinface
Cuntard
October 28, 2011 at 2:42 am
I read cuntard as cunturd. Which I think works pretty well too. Gives a nice mental image!
October 28, 2011 at 1:12 pm
That’s one way to say the abortion didn’t work.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
I’ve played this before, and my favourite was ‘fuckpig nobrot’. For a never ending supply may I direct you towards an English magazine called Viz? Look up their profanisaurus rex for more than you can shake a stick at. One of my favourites is a ‘stamped bat’(i.e. a stomped on flying hairy mammmal) to describe a particularly unappealing vagina. You’re welcome xxx
October 27, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Look at http://www.milkinfirst.com/dictionary/profanisaurus.htm for a full on-line version of the Profanisaurus
October 27, 2011 at 3:35 pm
There are NO unappealing vaginas.
Having said that, one of my favorite outrages (and this is not directed at anyone nor am I flouncing):
“Fuck you assfucks in your prolapsed fuckholes!”
October 27, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Apparently you’ve never googled blue waffle.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Twatterfinger.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Taintastical gonad guzzler
Flappy-titted cocksock
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Squid-dick waggler (Squid-dick is when you hold a bunch of bananas in front of your groin and rock it slowly)
Douchemyzel
PQRS word
Fanchon licker (Fanchon was the name of a female reporter on our local news)
Cum-guzzling communist
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
Re: Fanchon… You must be from Detroit… lol
October 27, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Fox 2: Find out what’s killing you!
But still better than
Channel 7 Action News: Detroit’s homeliest news team
October 27, 2011 at 3:24 pm
She was at TV5 in Saginaw for awhile before she moved on to Detroit. What’s terrible is that my dad decided Fanchon was his code word for a public fart.
October 28, 2011 at 1:13 pm
To bad your dad didn’t live in Georgia. I would have loved to see what he came up with for our local newscaster, Chip Creamer.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
another favorite: Poxy whore
October 27, 2011 at 6:05 pm
I was 14 and pregnant when I chose the name Poxy Udo Greyson Neil for my son. I saw the word Poxy in the script for Sid & Nancy. I didn’t know what it meant, but it had a bunch of letters that looked cool together.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Oh daughter of an alcoholic cuntmonkey.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Vaginal Blood Nugget!
October 27, 2011 at 11:05 am
Why thumbs down… we’re going for reprehensibly vulgar.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
steaming cunt drop
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Skank-humping mattress jockey
Cum tank
Spooge dripping gutter-slut
Hairy-assed twat monger
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Camelfucking twuntsicle and piss.
October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Punky Bitchster
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
You’re a fecal blasting butt cuddler.
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
oh yea, and Carpetbagging Ho Muncher!
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
Slack-tittied cum-quaffer!
(Really rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?)
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
asslord
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
Rick Santorum.
oh, wait………
October 27, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Now, that’s just disgusting!
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
Cheap-ass Douchenozzle.
Dickpickle.
October 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
“You’re one weeping snatch away from being a complete fucking bitch.”
– courtesy of the sleeptalkinman.com
October 27, 2011 at 10:47 am
Douchecanoe
Puss from a festering clit wart.
October 27, 2011 at 10:47 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 10:47 am
Douche canoed twat nugget
Cuntcookie cum dunker
Herpes eating monkey fucker
Son of a pirate hooker
October 27, 2011 at 10:47 am
also – “Cum Dumpster” “Jizz Pool” “ass monger” “Broseph” or anything Bro-related, Rat Rapist, tuna-can plunderer, (s)he of the dripping ass, Hotel Herpes, Crab Shack,
Your father won the horse faire, your mother tracks rabbits by scent
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
Anal Extrusion!!
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
If I may translate directly from Finnish:
Oh spring of cunts and cold spell of cocks.
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
WTPerkele!
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
what about butter cunt? Is that one for real?
Best regards, Sweden
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
Cunt nugget!
Shit stain!
Lint licker! (Stole that one from an Orbit gum commercial…)
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
Chlamydia stain on the knickers of life.
Can also be changed for STD of your choice.
October 27, 2011 at 12:23 pm
You can multipurpose!
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
Ass Blasting Jism Phylactery is a dear favorite.
I actually stamped my favorite curse phrases on a set of stationery for my friends a couple months ago. I think everyone’s favorite was the Cunt Nugget / Bitch Tits / Spectral Twat Flap set.
October 27, 2011 at 11:14 am
I forgot my other favorite, born of a director mistakenly giving me the okay to ad-lib: Hairy Areola!
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
hip-rattle
October 27, 2011 at 5:44 pm
gob-shite!
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
Pusscrumb munching cuntmuffin.
October 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
Crusty-Sacked Phlegm Felcher
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Cum Pustules
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
dick wrinkle
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
CUNTHULU
October 27, 2011 at 10:47 pm
I don’t know. I feel like this one has the potential to be a compliment.
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Velveeta Vagina
Jesus Fucking Christ-sicles
Shitpickles
Jesus Fucking Christ on a Pogo Stick Eating a Fucking Ham Sandwich
October 28, 2011 at 2:48 am
Thumbs up for shitpickles!
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Dick Purse
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Badgerbagging clustercunt
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Goddamned shriveled-cock sucking eunuch son of a $15 bat-faced pus-crotched, toothless whore.
And that’s just when the Mr. forgets to take the garbage out.
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Bloody Queef!
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
baked brain flan
October 27, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Fecking arsewipes!
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
“wet festering cunt” is my favorite go-to phrase.
my friends and i also have a theory that you can make any curse word sound simultaneously more disgusting when thought of literally *and* like a term of endearment when not, simply by adding a name of a pastry/dessert somewhere. eg:
tit danish
muffin pecker
shit cakes
cumstain sundae
angel food cocksucker
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 pm
There’s a restaurant near me that specializes in desserts, particularly pie, so this should be a breeze for me. Let me try it out:
French Silk Slit
Dutch Apple Ass
Strawberry-Rhubarb Pustule
German Chocolate Wanker
Key Lime Cock
Texas Fudge Pecan Piss
…on second thought, maybe I’ll just stick with “bludgeonfucker”.
October 28, 2011 at 9:09 am
Several hours later, I find that although I originally intended them facetiously, I actually kind of like “German Chocolate wanker” and “Key Lime cock”.
“Strawberry-rhubarb pustule” doesn’t have the same ring, but has such a high bizarre-factor that I think I want it on a sampler in my living room, just to make people stare and try to convince themselves that it can’t possibly say what they think it says.
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
Effervescent Shitstain.
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
- bag of dicks
- cum dumpster
- cocksucking asslicking motherfucker
- fuckstick
- fuckwad
- and, though not “dirty”, I’ve always enjoyed “slut puppy” (as stolen from “The Golden Girls”)
October 27, 2011 at 11:46 am
One of my all time favorites is “Non-Newtonian fuckwad.”
Here’s my handy Cussin’ Chart (which is in no way complete). Just pick one word from each column:
October 27, 2011 at 11:56 am
Your chart is a thing of beauty.
October 27, 2011 at 2:26 pm
This needs to be expanded to 26 items in each category (or you could lump some of the the less common letters). Then, using the first and last letters of people’s first and last names, you could generate an individual swear word for your family members and friends.
October 27, 2011 at 2:36 pm
That’s beyond brilliant. And I’m currently up to 18 in each category.
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
Cunt-Wrap Supreme
Flaccid Phallus from Baghdad
Bitchtits
Margaret Thatcher’s ‘O’ Face
Pricking Dickwiffler
Frosted Twat
Shower of Cunts
Piss Chunker
Bastarding Sodomist (Pronounced bar-stard for poshness)
Flange Monkey
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Excellent showing
October 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
Cunt-wrap Supreme made me hungry for Taco Bell. Is that wrong? Because I’m all about a fracking taco.
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
I don’t think we have any Taco Bells here in the UK, so I can’t pass judgment on how bad it is.
But mmm, cholesterol!
October 27, 2011 at 11:09 am
Taco Bell is blissfully horrible. Just imagine the worst curry you’ve ever eaten, stuff it in a donkey’s ass, and the heaping pile that is left after his business goes right into a taco.
BUT IT’S SO GOOD.
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 10:50 am
cum burpin’ jism jockey
October 27, 2011 at 11:07 am
You beat me to it!
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
cum-guzzling gutter slut
October 27, 2011 at 11:09 am
Fantastic assonance on this one.
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
We may be setting a record for most posts in the shortest amount of time.
October 27, 2011 at 11:17 am
…in a thread that isn’t about breast-feeding, circumcision, and/or hobo weddings.
(P.S., thanks for the cleanup work. Way better.)
October 27, 2011 at 11:32 am
>>…in a thread that isn’t about breast-feeding, circumcision, and/or hobo weddings<<
Ooh, yes! Either we're going to hit a flounce record or they'll be quiet becaues their brains explode when they read this thread.
p.s. What cleanup work? I'm confused.
October 27, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Oh yes, Mugsy, that reminds me. Crotch teeth! Not just a reminder of yesterday’s fuckery, the phrase would also make a great addition to our swear pile.
October 27, 2011 at 6:19 pm
Thanks, Kimoutre! Thought I’d actually been able to block that from my mind and get a good night’s sleep. Silly, silly me!
I don’t mean to be rude, but I must go now and collapse in a fetal position in the corner, whimpering and sucking the corner of the quilt that’s covering me.
October 27, 2011 at 9:26 pm
Oh, sorry Mugs, I wasn’t clear. I was thanking the Admin-type Admins for cleaning up my double-post.
THAT ASIDE.
You guys are a bunch of creative fuckballs. Swearin’ like a sailor with his cock caught in the door.
October 28, 2011 at 9:08 am
Hi, Mistletoe. Thanks for clearing up the confusion. (I love that you brought in Comic Book Store Guy!)
October 27, 2011 at 1:14 pm
Yes, I agree. It’s refreshing to have a happy thread that’s just chock full of good, honest cussin’.
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Cock-juggling thunder-cunt.
October 27, 2011 at 3:41 pm
This has majesty in its awesomeness and poetry in its cadence. Well done!
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Sheepshagging lollygaggers. Actual invective. I use that one in traffic a lot.
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
First I have to say that I’m a long-time fan, first-time caller (or typer). Now that that’s out of the way:
Shit-covered bloody cock monster.
My personal favorite
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
Also: shitspit
October 27, 2011 at 9:15 pm
Oh, and another gem I just remembered as I yelled at my husband (does it really matter why? Oh, it does? He was refusing to let me get back on Regretsy to check this thread — YEAH I KNOW, RIGHT?):
flaccid fudge rocket
And this thread is out of control.
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Pigfucker. Surprised how often I use this!
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Motherfucking cunt-licking piece of douche shit
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Yak Hunt Sniffing Poon Hound
October 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Flappy-lipped cocksock.
Twatnozzle, dicktwizzle, fuckernuttery.
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
fartbox tonguepuncher
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Cunty McCunterson. (Old favorite of mine.)
Syphillitic douchedripping.
Nub-fondling chicken molester.
Spanking cockwanker.
Plague-infested pusscunt.
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
I’ve always like Bitchy McWhinypants as well… any combination with that one is entertaining.
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Dirty twatwaffle mother of a venereal disease ridden blue waffle whore.
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Pussy footed Shart gargler. Wanking fuck face!
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
booger-fucker
October 27, 2011 at 5:48 pm
percolating perkele!
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Spandex-humping crotch jockey
Vaginally-discharged blood bubble
Crotch dropping
Cranial-rectcal inversion
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Herpes encrusted goatse gusher
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
I feel as though this would be wildly helpful, so I’m going to leave it here… http://www.theawl.com/2011/10/the-golden-age-of-dirty-talk
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
Racaub, the testimonies of your Manhood are swell’d as big, Sirrah, as a couple of Norfolk dumplings!
October 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm
I’m surprised in this group, we haven’t got more pirate-y or Shakespearean…
http://www.william-shakespeare.org.uk/a1-shakespearean-insults-generator.htm
Really, I could play on that site all day.
October 27, 2011 at 4:18 pm
The hermaphrodite in me appreciates this. Literally inside me. Delicious hermaphrodites.
October 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Slimy snot of a shit weasel.
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Slug’s enema
Projectile diarrhea guzzler
Master Sergeant Douchenozzle of the 1st Douche Brigade
Tarantula testicle teabag
Ass abortion
Choking on a spicy cockmeat sandwich with extra cock on the side
Cuntslapped
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
cuntless Barbie-doll
October 30, 2011 at 9:26 pm
Wouldn’t that just be a Barbie doll?
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
fuck my dickhole!
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Equine mother of a churl’s whore!
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Holy Mother of Dirty Klugers
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Snot sucking horse knuckler
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
I’ll submit my favorite German curse, one that every German I know blushes at (they expect me, the stupid American, to know the typical schweine, arshloch, etc. and I bust this out and they just kind of stare, dumbfounded…):
Schlabberfotze
It means slobbery, watery cunt, and it’s SO much fun to say.
October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
oh my god say it isn’t true! My grandpa used to call us that! No wonder no one would tell us what it meant! Good thing he’s bee dead for 30 years…
October 28, 2011 at 1:04 am
My grandfather used to call us cheese heads in Dutch…
October 28, 2011 at 6:40 am
That’s not a particularly offensive insult. Kaaskoppen (cheese heads) is what the Dutch somewhat affectionately call themselves.
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Go fuck a can opener!
October 28, 2011 at 1:06 am
That reminds me of something my friend came up with when a guys she didn’t like asked her out… She said she’d rather slide down a palm tree naked, then bathe in lemon juice.
October 28, 2011 at 8:37 am
I’m much more subtle… When a guy I don’t like asks me out, I write “my” phone number down on a piece of paper and smile pretty. Imagine his surprise when he calls the number and gets the local police station.
October 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Anally extruded cumbubble
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
Flapwad
Flapcheese
Cunt puncher
Cuntan the Fuckbarian
Jizzsnorter
Douchenozzle
Asshat
Cum dumpster
Pap schmearing fuckface
Hole
Ballchoker
Fist hole
puckered cat ass
Swollen dick eye
Prolapsed rectum face
Clitgagger
Chode monger
Gooey shitfingers
Cum crust
vom inducing whore cream
taint fur
FURBURGER
dicklick
cum-eyed slut hole
toothy sack beggar
Ball hair
Cumbiscuit
Fuck pie
Ray Romano’s vagina
-long time lurker first (second?) time commenter. i love you people. thanks for the laughs.
October 27, 2011 at 11:32 am
oh man! i forgot CRAPGASM. sheesh. thursdays.
October 28, 2011 at 3:38 pm
I present VAGICORN. though i dont think it’s a cuss? more like a compliment?
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
Roast Beef Au Jus.
You slice hot dogs!
His magnificent purple snot-vomiter.
Simple classic: Goat Felcher.
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
gas-for-brains
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
cunting asshat
its total nonsense but my drunken repeated yelling it got us talked to by a park ranger on a camping trip.
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
Piss flapping cum gobbler
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
Curdled cum gargler
October 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
Asseyes
October 27, 2011 at 10:55 am
The one that used to stop my ex-husband in his tracks was when I called him a stubby pencil dick.
October 30, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Sounds like quite a catch!
October 27, 2011 at 10:55 am
If I want any shit from you I will scrape your boyfriends dick!
October 27, 2011 at 10:55 am
Cunty McFuckstick
October 27, 2011 at 10:55 am
Crotch Pheasant
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
Elegant…
October 27, 2011 at 1:05 pm
How about ‘pestilential meat curtain’? I think i’m over-thinking it…
October 27, 2011 at 1:17 pm
No, that’s also very elegant. Continue with the thinking, please.
October 27, 2011 at 1:38 pm
disastrous rectal gland
vulvacidal assworm
Steampunk tampon rivet
hemorrhagic fist fissure
pustulent chode fluffer
muff flosser
I think I’ll pause for tea.
October 27, 2011 at 5:55 pm
These made me giggle, particularly “steampunk tampon rivet”.
October 27, 2011 at 9:20 pm
This is my favorite.
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
vaglitic douche twiddler
Leo DiCaprio
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
$5-dollar ass-slapper
Wizened twunt (especially for nasty old women)
Butt-knuckle
are favourites of mine.
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
I like hamsterpants, which somebody above contributed. Sorry, can’t relocate it now.
In fits of rage I have also called people hamsterhead and amoebahead.
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
Etsy-wetsy (I’ve used this in conversation)
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
Fuck you in the weenie, Bitch!!! (you gotta say it like you mean that shit)
October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
goat raper
cuntastic
October 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
bunghole pirate
October 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
The feminine version of ball buster:
Cunt Puncher
October 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
Even though this is quite benign compared to the above posts, I’ve always had a soft spot for “son of a motherless goat”.
October 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
Hmmmmmm, let’s dig some out of my old archive…
From High School there was “Regurgitated Cum Bubble”, “Thigh Dripping”, and “Primate Anal Sweat”; which was typically followed by “Bicycle Seat Repairman”. (we were teenagers, don’t ask me…)
In my more refined days we’ve gone more to using “Asshat”, “Bagodicks”, and “Twatwaffle”. I’m not really sure if that’s growing up or not…
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
Pulsating mingy Bitch
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
Cum-smoking assistant crack whore
October 27, 2011 at 12:48 pm
its the assistant part that really pulls the swear together
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
Cum guzzling thunder cunt’s always been one of my favorites!
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
Bejazzled spank-tassel !
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
Jiminey Fucking Crickets, you are a bunch of magnificent cuntcrackers. I’m getting all moist with gratitude. I am going to fucking WIN at birthday presents!
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
If anyone here isn’t sure how to make up horrific-sounding insults (unlikely, I know), here’s a fantastic lesson from Better Off Ted:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bh7Nz4bIwss&feature=player_detailpage#t=98s
“Dick-infested man mattress” might be my favorite.
October 27, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Yay! Was about to post about this, but thought I’d do a search to make sure someone else hadn’t already. Man, I love me some Lem and Phil!
October 27, 2011 at 10:59 am
navel-fucker
October 27, 2011 at 10:59 am
fuck flaps!
cum tickler!
whore nugget!
twat fungus!
and
tampon wanker!
October 27, 2011 at 10:59 am
Poobadger
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
Poobadger don’t care!
October 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
He’s nasty ! Nasty-ass Poobadger.
October 27, 2011 at 11:00 am
Pucker-licking Cooter-slut
October 27, 2011 at 11:00 am
May I add
Douchekabob
bloody vaginal fart
and, from the late great, Jim Morrison,
You can suck a fart out of my asshole.
October 27, 2011 at 11:00 am
vacant rectum
October 27, 2011 at 11:01 am
cum guzzling gutterslut *
twat cake
cunt cookie
cum stain
yabos
twat face
twat rocket
*personal favorite
October 27, 2011 at 11:01 am
Glitter Tits
(Got that from here a bit ago…it’s my new favorite)
October 27, 2011 at 11:01 am
Cocktopus is another one I tend to use when I am pretending to ignore someone. “Sorry can’t hear you, I’m being attacked by I giant cocktopus!” I saw it on a British TV show somewhere.
Grilled dick cheese
hobbitwat (I’ve always thought they were hairy and disproportional to their size)
scrotum-tits
taintpurse
October 27, 2011 at 11:19 am
cocktopus!!! OMG! I’m dyin’ here!! love it!
October 27, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Oh man, I do remember hearing that one too, and I don’t remember which show it was from either!
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
dogfart pie
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
Not sure I can compete with all of the fat, jealous losers above, but my favorite comes from my best friend when the Mayo Clinic rejected my application for admittance because my symptoms included undiagnosed chronic fatigue and pain when the very reason I was applying was because I was looking for a diagnosis!
Cum guzzling cockpandas!
Asspanda also works just as well.
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
I just keep seeing the ad possibilities for asspanda ointment…
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
I like: “Son of a syphallitic camel!”
October 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
syphilitic butt nugget hoarder
October 27, 2011 at 11:03 am
Cum-smeared, cock-stuffed cunt
[You sir, are a] cum-gurgling cockpocket of yeast and despair
October 27, 2011 at 11:03 am
Shitfoetus
thumb biting cheese head (if we’re going historically accurate)
thistle ridden bowel bagged cur
festering muck shoveler
boil – bearer
fucksticks
October 27, 2011 at 11:03 am
asstrainer
October 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
I stole this from South Park, but “Shit-faced cock-master” has always been a favorite.
October 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
From an old fantasy novel:
Defiler of virgin goats!
Bastard offspring of a camel and a goat!
Eat shit, piss up a rope, bark at the moon, fuck off, and die!
October 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
Armpit humper
October 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
Used insurance salesman.
“He’s not scum, he’s the stuff scum feeds on”.
/give me a break, I’m Canadian
October 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
I just actually commented “Great Caeser’s Cocksucking Ghost!” on Facebook. Because, yes, I’m a comics nerd.
October 27, 2011 at 11:05 am
Grandma’s fucking hands
October 27, 2011 at 11:05 am
fart-in-the-box
October 27, 2011 at 11:05 am
Rum soaked menage a twat
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
Shit-flinging wank-monkey.
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
crunchy cuntpuddles!
shitslapper
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
douchenoodle
cuntmaggot
ferret fucker (the antithesis of gerbil lover)
gerbil fun-tunnel
sascrotch (for the un-mown women out there, is that womyn?)
dickbush (for the untrimmed menfolk)
george bush
santorum sucker
son of a felching monkey
dirty sanchez whore
rusty trombone rider
dick cheney
ass sniffing midget
dingle chomping dwarf
man-titted lardbucket
goatse supermodel
vile vag chum
duck butter on toast (we call ball/thigh sweat “duckbutter”)
son of a sodomizing goat herder
meatwaffle
roast beef and catsup sandwich (think dirty, do the visual…)
fart breath
noxious fume spewing gasbag
cameltoed slagwhore
squirrel dicked wonder
lopsided silicon fun bag tramp
methwhore
crackwhore
assless wonder
spineless manfreak
blueballed baby
head cheese connoisseur
pube picker
October 27, 2011 at 11:15 am
I suddenly feel the need to defend the weasels and ferrets after this thread…
October 27, 2011 at 11:24 am
what? no defense for shaved gerbils? Nah, by the time the razor comes out, its too late.
October 27, 2011 at 4:29 pm
Just knit them a few sweaters… it’ll be fine
October 28, 2011 at 1:14 am
Or turn this into a meme a la Flounce Cats.
Introducing “Swear Ferrets!”
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
Festering cunt nuggets!
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
Lower than whale shit on the bottom of the ocean.
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
haggletoothed jizz sipping hippy
October 27, 2011 at 11:06 am
shit skipper
Captain Douchebag
October 27, 2011 at 11:07 am
Silt Moistener
Bung Wrangler
Thruck
Tassie fiddler
And I’m sure turd burglar and ass bandit have been said, but look, i’ve been watching a lot of beavis and butthead lately so they’ve kind of become favorites…
October 27, 2011 at 11:07 am
Squick-n-Lick
I refuse to explain what “Squick” means.
October 27, 2011 at 11:09 am
Lickin’ Squick would be even better. Keep your lunch in on that one
October 27, 2011 at 11:07 am
Man-boob fuckmeister
October 27, 2011 at 11:07 am
Hemorrhoid farmer
Mensturation-covered assbaby
Donkey fingerbanger
Diarrhea-sucking alligatorcock
Seagull-scrotum!
October 27, 2011 at 11:08 am
Cleft-lip cockwasher
October 27, 2011 at 11:08 am
You son of a monkey diddler.
October 27, 2011 at 11:08 am
Regurgitated cum bubble!
October 27, 2011 at 11:08 am
I’ve always been a fan of “Twat waffle” myself.
Let see what else..
-Pig ignorant chicken plucker
-AIDS ridden puke puddle
-Chockacockra (I think this was one we thought up when we were trying to come up with odd porn titles..I think it was going to be a porn about a mythical Mexican beast that had a huge member, and would sneak into hot girls bedrooms at night and they all immediately wanted to give him and BJ. Or something really weird like that.)
-Great cock block of China
-Blood Bukake
-Fetus deletus
I really wish I had a better memory, for as many “colorful” phrases my friends and I come up with I can’t think of many.
Yes some of my friends are really pretty offensive(especially one of them, he’s an angry ball of hate.
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
Ugh.. * CHOKEacockra (I can’t spell and spell check wasn’t going to help me on that one.)
October 27, 2011 at 11:09 am
Cum soaked assbag.
October 27, 2011 at 11:09 am
Bitchmade motherfucker
Crotch
Cap’n Lester (sailor slurs into cat molester)
Beet twaddling scallywag
The only way to judge any of these posts though is to say them out loud. I suggest in a work cubicle.
October 27, 2011 at 11:09 am
Fartus interruptus.
October 27, 2011 at 11:09 am
Cheese vaged jizzjar
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
From one of the Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horrors episodes I saw this week, Groundskeeper Willie calling Principal Skinner, “You blouse-wearing, poodle-walker!”
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
Fucking Douche Glitter Fuck
or for short
You Fucking Fucker
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
One I read on a forum for a webcomic: Useless Broom Made Entirely out of Dicks.
Apparently it’s used to try to defend against the hordes of ‘shippers.
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
dull crotch-blade
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
Growing up, my sister’s favorite was “afterbirth of a lesbian clusterfuck.”
Junkslut
Dickwizard
October 27, 2011 at 11:28 am
Also, adding “mongoloid” to anything really shocks people. Such as “mongoloid rectal inspector.”
October 27, 2011 at 11:11 am
Phlegm lubricated turdshooter!
October 27, 2011 at 11:11 am
Robert Mugabe’s throbbing gristle
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
Wangbasket, cum dumpster, cock holster (didn’t read through the 166+ comments, so if I repeated someone else’s stuff, tough cunt blisters)
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
go fuck a diaper
October 27, 2011 at 5:51 pm
well fuck me sideways!
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
Cock-smoker
Donkey puncher
Douchecanoe
Shitlicker
And, of course, my favorite Monty Python insults:
vacuous toffee-nosed malodorous pervert
stupid git
kniggit
second-hand electric donkey bottom biter
son of a windowdresser
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
The Monty Python insults really are gold.
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
Fuck yeah they are.
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
Sphinx Tour Master Caterer
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
DJ Shitty McDick Shits, Fart, the Turd
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
(that’s a single title for one person)
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
twatwaffle cuntinental breakfast baconpocket shitagooseturd.
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
Twat + Cunt = Twunt
October 27, 2011 at 11:15 am
Big fan of “twunt”; I say it regularly.
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
From those Orbitz commercials, “Lint Licker” was my fave.
October 27, 2011 at 11:14 am
…I’m not so good at making the swears
October 27, 2011 at 3:13 pm
Neither am I.
I just say “Fuck it” a lot, and that soothes this raging beast.
Then again I’ve always found Thunder Thighs rather offensive. Or even worse Tsumnai Thighs– thighs so big that shake in that weird wave pattern.
Did I mention that my ex was a dick, and I have him to thank for such wonderful imagery? Fucking fiery faggot of a fiend.
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
“festering hemorrhoid on the asscrack of humanity” is always a personal favorite.
October 27, 2011 at 11:21 am
So you’ve met my stripper niece?
October 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
Jumping jesus h christ on a pogo stick
October 27, 2011 at 11:14 am
Ball-Sucking Lizard-Lipped Jerk Stick
October 27, 2011 at 11:14 am
Egyptian wrongcock
October 27, 2011 at 11:14 am
Suck my warty wand!
October 27, 2011 at 11:15 am
Cockamamie Peccadillo! (Never thought I’d use that ONCE in a day, let alone TWICE.)
Squamousized Smegmonkey
Jizz-saw Pustule
Gangrenous Twatswabber
Stingular Craptacularity
George W. Bush
Phlegm-licking Pit-sniffer
Syphilitic Spooge-bag
Turdalicious Thumbs-downers…
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
You can really class those up by saying “You sir, are a…” before each one.
October 27, 2011 at 11:15 am
Twat-gobbling hermit crab
October 27, 2011 at 11:16 am
sharp as a rabbit pellet
October 27, 2011 at 11:17 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 11:17 am
crater-ass
October 27, 2011 at 11:17 am
You one-handed wand wizard!!
October 27, 2011 at 11:17 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 11:05 pm
fuckstick is one of my faves.
October 27, 2011 at 11:17 am
Might be a wee bit highbrow but perhaps fun…. http://www.tastefullyoffensive.com/2011/10/shakespeare-insult-kit.html
October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
Mung Rag
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mung%20rag
October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
ass-grenade
October 27, 2011 at 5:52 pm
fart attack!
October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
Suckfuckassshitcock
Cockmonger
Piss slit
Cuntshit
FuckerTwat
Old French Whore
Dick tiddler
Jackfapper
Cunt monkey
Taint tickler
Crotch bagger
Assmonger
Fish flaps
“turn your dick inside out”
Cunt sack
pickle flicker
pancake tits
thumb nipples
tit curtains
shit whale
cock robber
foreskin pinch
taint massager
pugfucker
ass cannon
turd flinger
stank spank
ho boat
October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
Mongolian clusterfuck is a favorite
And the one that my best friend taught me: snowshoe. As in describing a woman who is so useless, the best you could hope for is to kick her in the cunt and use her as a snowshoe.
October 27, 2011 at 11:21 am
bwhahahaha! I just burst out laughing like a manic hyena! That’s fuckin’ awesome!
October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
Fanny tit wank
Cunt bucket
Arse Wank
Dick Rag
Fucking whoring cunting shitebag
Celery knob
Cheesy Gobbler
October 27, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Ooh, ‘titwank’! I’ll have to steal that one.
October 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
Kelly Clarkson.
October 27, 2011 at 11:19 am
Festering dickwhistle
Trinity of trollop (don’t ask me)
oozehorker
October 27, 2011 at 11:19 am
The nuns I lived with in El Salvador wouldn’t teach me Spanish swear words, so I was forced to come up with my own
hijo de la puta madre (son of the whore-mother)rolls off the tongue quite nicely.
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
There’s also chupacabra tacaña which translates to “stingy goatsucker”
October 27, 2011 at 11:19 am
Ampersand Exclamation Asterisk Percent Sign
October 27, 2011 at 11:19 am
Crab-dubbing cockswain!
Knicker-kicking rake-nubber!
Booty looting, slobber brained hack!
Pucker ducker!
Skerb-my-scab! I’ve got a mind to flim-flabble your twat bottom!
October 27, 2011 at 12:08 pm
OMG flim-flabble your twat bottom had me inhaling my energy drink!!!
October 27, 2011 at 11:21 am
She-Wolf of Incontinence [courtesy of Dante Alighieri]
Thundercunt
Taint-licker
Mormon
October 27, 2011 at 11:21 am
Hamfisted spackprannet
October 27, 2011 at 11:21 am
Dick Breath! (It’s not really a cuss word I just find it funny.)
October 27, 2011 at 11:22 am
“fuck me running” is a favorite of mine, to which the reply is always “Start running”
October 27, 2011 at 11:22 am
Fart Collector
Mung Muncher
Crusty Coochie
Ball Sweat
October 27, 2011 at 11:22 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
(I’ll stop now)
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
Graze on my ass hair
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
Cunt-licking muffin muncher!
October 27, 2011 at 12:36 pm
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
putrid placenta picker
festering fart fucker
moist undulating envagenator
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
kumquat juggler ~ kiwi tickler ~ garbanzo guzzler ~ dingleberry pie crust eater
October 27, 2011 at 11:24 am
Father-fucking Chupacabrassiere
October 27, 2011 at 11:24 am
Infected Hemorrhoid
October 27, 2011 at 11:24 am
http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html This site is fun for Shakespear insults.
October 27, 2011 at 11:24 am
More of a gentlemanly insult than sheer sailor profanity, but a friend once said it to me and I loves it all the same:
You, sir, are nothing more than a fiendish fresh water salmon living in salt water.
October 27, 2011 at 11:25 am
You nipple-oozers have finally convinced me to creep out of my lurker hole and overcome my laziness to create a log in so I can comment. This counts as my one act of defying laziness for the day. All wasted on you canine jizz lickers.
And here it is for what it’s worth.
Pope Poking Penis Puller
Now back to my cheetos and world of warcraft. I have a raid in ten minutes.
October 27, 2011 at 11:25 am
Goat-riding bobble twat!
October 27, 2011 at 11:25 am
Gleet gulping galoot
Spoogesponge
Fucksicle
Boy butter baister
and not really an obscenity per se but something my aunt said to me when I was nine and didn’t want to go to bed (really)
“Get the fuck up there or I’ll slit your bag and run your left leg through it!”
October 27, 2011 at 11:25 am
Cumguzzling cuntwagon
October 27, 2011 at 11:26 am
Kelly Clarkson!
October 27, 2011 at 11:26 am
bestial cuntduggary
October 27, 2011 at 11:26 am
i saw this show where one guy calls another guy:
“you TIT!” (with a british accent). i thought that was amazing.
tosspot is also good
October 27, 2011 at 11:27 am
Bonerbeast
October 27, 2011 at 11:27 am
Something in Swiss-German: Schaafseckel
translated: sheeppenis
October 27, 2011 at 11:27 am
cum guzzling gutter slut
sick prodigy of an inbred cluster fuck
swampass licking thunder cunt
…sorry I am super tired that’s all I’ve got now.
October 27, 2011 at 11:27 am
Fuck-knuckle
October 27, 2011 at 11:28 am
Ye -
festered ass-barnacle
pox-cocked squid fucker
slimey-tongued bum-swabber
3-shilling bildge-whore
October 27, 2011 at 11:56 am
bilge-whore stupid “fridge” spelling gets me every time.
October 27, 2011 at 11:28 am
Moist tilly
Quivering crevice
Vagina slap
These are all terms of endearment between my aunt and I
October 27, 2011 at 11:29 am
You are the flatus in the sleeping bag of Life!
October 27, 2011 at 11:29 am
cock-juggling thundercunt!
October 27, 2011 at 11:29 am
Cunt flap slinger
October 27, 2011 at 11:30 am
crank-faced harlot schlocker
October 27, 2011 at 11:30 am
My grandma used to say “Coonanny”
October 27, 2011 at 11:31 am
Wankie Doodle Dandy
October 27, 2011 at 11:40 am
EEK. Doodle is what my sons call their you-know-whats. And they have a sing-a-ma-jig that sings Yankee Doodle Dandy. Yeah. My 6-year-old likes to change it to “Put a doodle in his hat” and then can’t finish the song because he’s giggling so hard.
And so am I.
MOTHER OF THE YEAR RIGHT HERE!!!
October 27, 2011 at 11:31 am
CUM DRUNK WHORE
October 27, 2011 at 11:32 am
May plague-infested rats fuck you in the nose while you sleep.
October 27, 2011 at 11:33 am
I had a friend who was once described as a “Vagina Tickler”. This is basically the male equivalent of a cocktease.
October 27, 2011 at 2:15 pm
My friends called our male cocktease a clit-disturber
October 27, 2011 at 11:33 am
Fucked-out eunuch
October 27, 2011 at 11:34 am
My 81 year old gran’s favorite is “Son of a cock sucking whore”. She says it while driving mostly. She’s only 4’11 and can’t see much over the steering wheel but of coarse it’s the other driver’s fault!
October 27, 2011 at 11:36 am
My 90year old gran would never swear unless you got her REALLY pissed. Usually it was just “Oh, hair.”
If you got her mad enough, though, it was “you ass.” Mostly she said it to grandpa.
Every once in a while she’d let out a “what in Sam Hill….”
Thank you for allowing me this moment to remember that.
October 28, 2011 at 9:45 am
I really like how you misspelled ‘of course’ there. Wrong, but so very appropriate!
October 28, 2011 at 1:25 pm
HAHA! Well, Regretsy may have the red squiggle lines but it lacks the green ones!
October 27, 2011 at 11:34 am
Syphilitic cockmunching whore
Vadge slug
chum sucker (no, that’s not misspelled)
Most of my other curses are variations on the word “douche,” but several years ago – when facing the driving styles of Georgia, USA – we came up with the term “assfuck.” Simple, yet effective.
October 27, 2011 at 11:34 am
GOATSE lover
Grundle breath
Butt hair plucker
Cock cheese nacho
Douche nozzle
October 27, 2011 at 11:34 am
corn-fucking squirtface
October 27, 2011 at 11:35 am
mother ducking ass-noodle
blue-balled fuck-wit
mind-fucked twat-waffle
jack-wagon
boyfriend stealing slutbag
perkele-loving homo erectus
shit loving shit stain
assbitchmotherfucker (i say that a lot in pain-rage)
fucking shit-tastic
mother ducking pastry puff
lint-licking sod-roller
bird-brained midget-pecker
……………….Of course what I use the most when I’m mad at someone is something along these lines:
“go lick a screen door you fucking douchebag”
Now scuze me, I need an orbits gum… you flea-flicking, cat-licking, low-ball dirty-Harry parsnip-loving cunt-socking Regretsian asshats…
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 am
A package of Orbits should be in the prize package, lol.
October 27, 2011 at 12:03 pm
I concur.
October 27, 2011 at 11:35 am
Sweaty Hog Fucker
Donkey Raping Shit Eater
My favorite: Clown Fucker
My husband’s favorite: Saggy Cat Balls
October 27, 2011 at 11:36 am
We should really do this more often…
Cum thumper
Jizz jester
Rabid rectal reamer
Bill O’Reilly (I’m surprised no one’s already listed him)
October 27, 2011 at 11:39 am
We totaly should. There should be a theme or something.
October 27, 2011 at 11:36 am
Boutros Boutros Ghali wanker
Beano fucking Dandy
October 27, 2011 at 11:36 am
gonna get majorly scorned at for this, but whatever…
im canadian, and well, amongst my friends, the biggest insult we can give each other is to call them
JUSTIN BEIBER
October 27, 2011 at 11:46 am
Oooh, that’s so cruel!
October 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm
One of the kids at work remarked that another kid (with floppy hair) looked like a “Mexican Justin Beiber” – another one piped up with “Justin Beaner.”
October 27, 2011 at 11:37 am
Here’s some great inspiration:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSEYXWmEse8
October 27, 2011 at 11:37 am
Needle-dicked bug-fucker
(my mother’s pet name for my dad, they were divorced before I was even born)
Dickshit
(something i screamed in traffic on accident, thinking dickhead and dipshit at the same time)
Knobslobber
(something a customer at a tobacco outlet I worked at, no lie, called the Butt Hut, called one of the employees)
Michele Bachmann’s cobweb-dusted, moldy cheese twat
(her husband’s biggest fear)
Crusty butt booger
(it just makes me giggle, probably not good since I’m at work!!)
October 27, 2011 at 11:37 am
Lulubelly – based on the incredible response, I’m guessing you could put together a pretty decent booklet and sell it on Etsy (or at least through April’s Army). I’d certainly pick up a copy so I can give up the Orbit commercial insults.
October 27, 2011 at 11:37 am
CUM DRUNK WHORE (usually slurred into one word)
shit nipple
thundercunt
fuck puddle
panty puddin
cum bubble
dog shit taco (yes, I stole that from south park)
October 27, 2011 at 11:37 am
dog-faced spawn of a boil-ridden anus….I finally got my password!
October 27, 2011 at 11:38 am
The periodic Table of swearing.
“http://www.moderntoss.com/shitnaks/new/periodic-table-magnet-set/”
October 27, 2011 at 11:38 am
Merry Go Fuck Yourself
October 27, 2011 at 11:38 am
Touch hole McDouchebag. I love this game.
October 27, 2011 at 11:40 am
***Cooze eating splooge filter***
October 27, 2011 at 11:41 am
Fanny Pack!
Mangina
Moobs
Bitch-tits
October 27, 2011 at 11:41 am
“You don’t have a stick up your ass. Your ass is a fucking
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 am
…Your ass is a fucking quiver!”
Fat floppy friggin’ fingers.
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 am
tyrannosaurus rectal prolapse
i saw one once, at the pay-by-the-pound thrift store not far from my house. it’s pretty much purgatory for things that are too crappy to make it onto regular thrift store shelves. or an etsy resource goldmine. depending on your mindset.
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 am
Cuntknuckle
Vagina Jockey
Cum gargling assmuncher
Scabateur
Assweasle
Turdsmoker
Crotchpimple
Gusset sniffing fartknocker
Butt Nugget
Count Fartula (One of my dog’s many nicknames)
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 am
anything with SMEAR:
cunt smear
cock smear
ass smear
cock sucking puke smear…you get the idea. Something about smear…
October 27, 2011 at 11:44 am
My dad used to refer to wet or icy roads as “slicker’n a cat’s ass.” I don’t know what it means, but I use it whenever I can.
October 27, 2011 at 11:44 am
frog humping toad whore
October 27, 2011 at 11:45 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 11:46 am
Cock-snot covered twat.
Sometimes I refer to my Husband and his fellow marines as the following: Colon cowboy, rectal rocketeer, anal avenger.
cheese covered ham wallet.
crusty lipped oyster ditch.
October 27, 2011 at 11:47 am
my second ex, the one who was afraid of sex & bus stops, was also afraid of profanity. i stayed w/ him fourteen years, he curbed just about everything i did. i never had the sailor mouth of my psychoanalyst mother; otoh, his absolute & hours long shrieking over the one thing i did used to say, fuck it all to death, pretty much shut me up forever. well, it was one of the things he did that did.
i wish i could think of something more interesting to donate. i’m sick, i’m gonna go lie down, maybe i will dream something. always possible.
October 27, 2011 at 11:47 am
Giminy fartbuckets
Bleeding monkeycunt scab
Palin anus
Clit honker
Doodie McFartsickles
Glitternuts
Ladyhole-shover
Fuckwatts
Creamy butthole with fudge sprinkles on top
Staph-ridden asshole farmer
Drunkfrontbutt
October 27, 2011 at 11:48 am
Tampon sucker
October 27, 2011 at 11:49 am
Spunk splatter
October 27, 2011 at 11:49 am
Pigmy Whore
October 27, 2011 at 11:50 am
Twatstacean
Fuckerdoodle
Twuntasaurus Rex
Putadora (pronounced poo-ta-door-a, based on the Spanish for bitch or whore)
Cipacupa (pronounced tsip-a-tsup-a, based on the Polish word for see you next Tuesday)
Piichachu (pronounced pee-cha-choo, based on the Czech word for twat)
Seacrestion
October 27, 2011 at 11:52 am
That Pikachu sure gets around.
October 27, 2011 at 11:50 am
May a pig fuck you in the eye with his pointy penis.
October 27, 2011 at 11:50 am
In the spirit of stealth profanity for the all-ages edition:
eel-nurdler
tentacle-stretcher
well if that ain’t a bilge smoothie
Scallywang!
October 27, 2011 at 11:51 am
I tried to read all of these to make sure I wasn’t double/triple posting but i got a VD about #76 so here are mine (apols if there are repeats you jealous losers.)
Cuntnugget
Eyepotatoes
cunty daggers
Christ on a crab-covered crutch
cumbunny (think of furries and shudder)
cumbunion
I’m going to rip your head off and shit down your neck! (this should be sung in a Broadway style. I would record myself singing it and attach it but I’m lazy.)
October 27, 2011 at 11:51 am
FUPA-grinder.
October 27, 2011 at 11:53 am
Cuntflap Flounce Weasel
October 27, 2011 at 12:47 pm
October 27, 2011 at 5:57 pm
I <3 weasels.
October 27, 2011 at 11:54 am
My personal favorites include
Cuntbucket
Fuckwad
October 27, 2011 at 11:54 am
Arse biscuits
Knobgoblin
Fucking Christ crackers
October 27, 2011 at 11:55 am
My favorite is Cockhammer or Butt trumpet.
Anything with queef is hilarious. Georgia O’Queef. Queen LaQueefa. Or where’s the queef?
Also, from the Vagina monologues:
Coochie Snorcher
Nappy Dugout
Tuna Town
Ham Wallet
Split Knish
October 27, 2011 at 1:04 pm
Queef is a highly underrated and underused word.
Why, we can:
Turn the other Queef.
Go dancing Queef to Queef.
And there is
To catch a Queef.
The Queef of hearts.
Like a Queef in the night.
Your Vagisty, Queef of England.
Finally from the epic film Dodgeball: I Love The Smell Of Queef In The Morning.
October 27, 2011 at 11:56 am
You rancid-semened, rot-blooded, syphilitic, cheese-fucking, phlegm-tossing, maggotty analingus-loving, doorknob-humping, wallaby-molesting, pus-ejaculating, three-day-old mackerel urethral sounds. You use acrylic yarn in your crafts and St. Bernard saliva as lube.
Sweet Socrates on a pogo stick, what a profane bunch you cunt-inverting distended hemorrhoids are. Go ride a cactus. Seriously, fuck you all with a stuffed parrot.
October 27, 2011 at 4:41 pm
spinning a wheel of brie!
my best friend made that up decades ago to describe an activity undertaken by one of her exes–hers are, in their rotten, rotten way even more spectacular than mine–i believe he was the assistant to the première of BC at the time….
{it was yr cheese-fucking that woke me up.}
October 27, 2011 at 11:56 am
Beaverhousen
Licktard
Baltog
Basket Weaver
Muncher
Reese’s Fuck
S&M’s
Stickher Bar
Rolhoe’s
Great…now I’m hungry
October 27, 2011 at 11:57 am
Cuntwasp
Minge monkey
Wanktoast
Fuckwad
Stupidfuckingcuntybollocksexpialidocious
October 27, 2011 at 11:57 am
Pah’tak!
Sloblock!
Monkey balls!
Putain!
Fluck!
And of course cloughing, prunk, shote, cucking, fusk, pipslider, and pimhole.
October 27, 2011 at 12:07 pm
I lurve ‘pah’tak! Only others versed in Klingon can appreciate the insult!
October 30, 2011 at 9:50 pm
It makes me sad that I recognize Klingon speech.
October 27, 2011 at 11:57 am
old leathery men.
i dont think it means anything, it’s just what he liked.
he liked to go get drunk w/ old leathery men. boy was he nuts.
October 27, 2011 at 11:58 am
I love people with Tourette Syndrome! They are the sunshine on my cloudy day!
October 27, 2011 at 11:58 am
Gob of synthetic monkey cum dribbling off a dead goat’s nose (bartender who served me warm vodka was likened to this charming image)
Used post-menstrual douche (this one is usually reserved for drivers who don’t understand that the far left lane is for my exclusive use)
October 27, 2011 at 11:59 am
Pernitious lactating harpy
October 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm
I can’t spell…I meant: Pernicious Lactating Harpy.
October 27, 2011 at 11:59 am
May all the dust in home turn into tiny cactuses.
October 27, 2011 at 11:59 am
*your
October 27, 2011 at 11:59 am
Pig-butted devil feltcher.
October 27, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Some faves:
Cunt Waffle
Jizz Dixie Whistler
Festering Douche Canoe
Fat-Fingered Fuckhole
October 27, 2011 at 12:02 pm
Herpes infested monkey fucker.
October 27, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Festering douchenozzle
October 27, 2011 at 12:04 pm
May your penis ejaculate ice cubes.
October 27, 2011 at 12:07 pm
If I didn’t have a meeting to get my dumb ass to, this may have been more involved.
October 27, 2011 at 12:21 pm
Eeegads that is a festering fuckwad of awesome! Thank you!
October 27, 2011 at 2:04 pm
You’re very welcome!
October 27, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Cumdumpster
salmon raping camel sucker
cock sucking anal wipe
sheep bobby (one I learned in Wales, still not sure what it means)
October 27, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Santorum (http://spreadingsantorum.com/) Warning: Mature
October 27, 2011 at 12:09 pm
enema gargler
upcycled pearl necklace
steampunk queef mobile
etsy moderator
queef latifah
October 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Wow. I don’t know if they are ready for an insult as filthy as “Etsy Moderator.”
Shame on you. Go wash out your mouth with some Hillbilly Bajingo Wash.
October 27, 2011 at 9:25 pm
etsy moderator was definitely my favorite out of every single one posted. and I read all of them as of approximately 6pm eastern time. I can’t say anything about what was posted after that.
October 27, 2011 at 12:10 pm
Babbling Turdchomper
October 27, 2011 at 12:10 pm
Slartibartfast. (Thank you Douglas Adams.)
October 27, 2011 at 9:23 pm
Zaphod forthewin.
October 27, 2011 at 12:10 pm
Slot faced son of a tea cozy!
October 27, 2011 at 12:11 pm
guntwizard has always served me well
October 27, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Ankle sniffer!
October 27, 2011 at 12:11 pm
The Shakespeare edition:
October 27, 2011 at 2:32 pm
I think I shall print this and keep it close at hand. For emergencies, of course.
October 28, 2011 at 7:33 am
My favourite Shakespeare insults, from Shakespeare’s Insults: Educating Your Wit:
You Banbury cheese!
Whore-son caterpillars!
Bacon-fed knaves!
You whore-son upright rabbit!
Thou disease of a friend!
You just can’t beat the Bard…
October 27, 2011 at 12:12 pm
Osmegma Bum Loader
blow holer
gangrenous gape gobbler
October 27, 2011 at 12:12 pm
Whorecrafted glittering anal beads
October 27, 2011 at 12:12 pm
skanktard
clitosaurus
whoremonger
shiver me timber yee toothless matey(sailors who have been on the boat too long without women)
October 27, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Cocksucking fucksnap
Festy fanny farts (British usage of fanny, naturally)
Bollocking wank wad
Cheesey twat face
October 27, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Shitler
Fuckronaut
Shitiot
… I watch a lot of TPB.
October 27, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Hung Parliament
Dangling Participle
Soggy Crumpet
Cockchafer Beetle
Mouth Organ
Fungible
Angina
October 27, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Also: MOIST SLACKS
October 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Harry Potter Puppet fans: we need the wizard swears! And the ultimate wizard swear. I don’t remember any of them.
October 27, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Just for you the transcript of the wizard swears.
http://jkrfan7.deviantart.com/art/PPP-Wizard-Swears-72502636
October 27, 2011 at 12:41 pm
Labium Leviosa?
October 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Thumbstrutting one-eyed weasel wrinkle!
October 27, 2011 at 12:18 pm
mucus-coated mealymouth mullusk
October 27, 2011 at 12:21 pm
dirty sperm statuette
toilet lurker
cum target
cellulite towers
tranny mattress
October 27, 2011 at 5:20 pm
goodwill polly pocket pussy
dump thumper
foreskin bonanza
October 27, 2011 at 12:21 pm
Tit-slapping Piss-cupper
October 27, 2011 at 12:21 pm
Blithering Bug Butter
Etsy
Commutared
Addadictomy
Flousted
fermentard
Nasal Deviant
Incredulwous
October 27, 2011 at 12:21 pm
porpoise-raping pederast
October 27, 2011 at 12:22 pm
You bloody mattress ass print!
October 27, 2011 at 12:23 pm
Needle-dick bug fucker
Cheney-rimming scum slut
Brother-banging blow shits
October 27, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Kinda embarrassed to print this but the one that rolls off my tongue when I’m really angry is (said as ONE WORD):
Goddamnedmotherfuckinshitasssonovabitch!
October 27, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 12:25 pm
You’re slimier than a secretion-soaked Snooki thong.
October 27, 2011 at 12:50 pm
That may have been a little too descriptive…
October 27, 2011 at 12:26 pm
clown merkin
October 27, 2011 at 12:26 pm
oozing sac of octopus offal
October 27, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Scummy cunt goat felcher!
October 27, 2011 at 12:26 pm
oxygen wasting ex human (nickname for ex boyfriend)
October 27, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Level four saliva-soaked beaver snatcher
October 27, 2011 at 12:27 pm
bear-raping-dolphin
October 27, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Vulvic Pole Vaulter
Cock McDicks
Fuck-digitation
Custard flavored butt bubble
Pissin DeGeneres
Crimson Labia Lapper
Penis Pilot
Shit Sucking Ass Wench
McFlapps
Cock Swilling Jizz Devil
Piggly Wiggly
Maggot festering vomit bowl
October 27, 2011 at 12:32 pm
I like a bit of alliteration:
Go suck sewage through a straw, you rancid rat’s rectum.
lard-lubricated
crusty congenital compost bucket
inbred yeast-infected republican itch-licker
penis pox
October 27, 2011 at 12:33 pm
MUNSTER FRATZEN!!!!! Its a poorly phonetic spelling of the german words for GIANT CuNT
October 27, 2011 at 12:34 pm
You could lie and say it’s Finish… and Vintage… and Wear square framed glasses while saying it…. Etsy style.
October 27, 2011 at 12:48 pm
Someone should put that on a sampler for April to take to Finland as a “take me to your leader” gift.
October 27, 2011 at 12:34 pm
I’m late to the party. Did someone already say Fuck-stick? That’s my go-to insult.
October 27, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Smurf shitting dick wrangler.
October 27, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Ass plaster monkey hole.
Hitler hair weave.
Swollen water ass.
October 27, 2011 at 12:36 pm
My very favorite is Cuntwaffle but I had to add the Shakespearean insults generator to the mix!
Shakespearean insults including:
Thou quailing ill-breeding foot-licker!
ou pribbling onion-eyed maggot-pie!
Thou spongy fool-born snipe!
Thou roguish muddy-mettled pantaloon!
Thou clouted ill-nurtured hedge-pig!
Thou reeky fat-kidneyed harpy!
Thou quailing rude-growing bladder!
Thou artless dog-hearted ratsbane!
October 27, 2011 at 12:37 pm
I’ll fuck him sideways and scream “Easter Sunday”!
Thank Barry Ween for that one.
October 27, 2011 at 12:37 pm
Ufoporno
October 27, 2011 at 12:38 pm
We are a bad group of people.
^5s for everyone, and a round of goat blood.
October 27, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Barbra Streisand
October 27, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Julie Andrews!
October 27, 2011 at 12:41 pm
Mister/Sister assfister blister
Dugong dong
Scabby crabby stabber scabbard
October 27, 2011 at 12:42 pm
I’ve always liked the phrase Fuck me Runnin’
Turns out it’s also the name of a drink made with 151 proof rum, tequila, schnapps, vodka, orange and pineapple juice.
October 27, 2011 at 12:43 pm
Festering ragamuffin
October 27, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Bucket of cum
Moose cock (as in to suck or fuck)
Snail trail
Dog felcher
Cunt slime
Sloppy cunt
Cunt scraper
Ball sucker or Sucks balls
Clit pincher
I have to get back to carving pumpkins.
October 27, 2011 at 12:46 pm
My favorites include
Cod Faced bastard, great big shining ball of excrement, lollygagging son of a bitch, and my favorite of all chuckleheaded motherfucker
October 27, 2011 at 12:47 pm
Family favories:
shit fucking twatwaffle
Cuntface McDoucherson
October 27, 2011 at 12:47 pm
Titty mugging ass mob.
October 27, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Why you turd huffing, afterbirth hoarding, pile of flavid vaginal muck. I ought to shove my foot so far up your ass you can bite my toe nails FOR me.
October 27, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Snozzgobbling Turd Miasma
Sideways Assmutant
Tightpants McGinty, Captain of the Douchecanoe
5cent-coupon-for-tampons-and-glitter wiggling bottle of butthurt and eagle tears!
Chewbacca of your group (the only one without a medal)
Rotted Banana Mouthed, Cat Piss Faced, Regretsian Wanna-Be.
I’m tapped.
October 27, 2011 at 12:57 pm
I like a couple from the “clean mouth” commercial for gum
link-licker and cootie-queen. If you find those just too mild, I suggest mini-pricked ass pustule or perhaps pustule-sucking rodent fucker. Enjoy.
October 27, 2011 at 12:57 pm
Oooh! How fun!
Im not sure how funny other people will find this, but when i was growing up my friends and I loved this “yerk” insult:
“You reek of the yellowish sludge touching from the wart gullet of a chartosian earspider”
October 27, 2011 at 1:01 pm
Although that one is probably more of an “in joke” then I like to admit to myself (even though we didnt make it up).
October 27, 2011 at 12:58 pm
Sperm whale blow hole whole blow whale sperm guzzler.
October 27, 2011 at 12:58 pm
Gerbil Catcher
Gerbil Thrower
October 27, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Here’s a good old fashioned one from my mother –
“Morphodite cat fucker”
Not that I condone cat fucking on any occasion…
October 27, 2011 at 1:01 pm
Cock-banging son of a flatulent whore.
Assmangler extraordinaire.
Raging bag of dicks.
Give me an hour to fight Shao Khan on nightmare mode and I’ll come up with a hundred more, I’m sure.
October 27, 2011 at 1:03 pm
Oh, the huge manatee!
October 27, 2011 at 1:03 pm
A friend and I used to call each other “horking arse-wanker” and “knicker-wearing tosser”. There was some context to the origin of these, but it’s been a long time and I don’t remember.
I’ve been known to say “Jesus goddamn fucking shitcock” or variants thereof, which isn’t nearly as creative as some of the things I’ve seen here, but *is* a fair amount of swearing all at once.
October 27, 2011 at 1:04 pm
Here’s a classic from my Dad, who’s usually a typical New England stoic. They’re quiet most of the time because they’re saving it up for effect. “Holy old dying jumping-up-and-down Jesus H. Christ!”
October 27, 2011 at 1:09 pm
And a poem we used to recite in elementary school: “Jesus Christ almighty! A mouse ran up my nightie. Bit my tit, made me shit… Jesus Christ almighty!”
October 27, 2011 at 1:05 pm
I am so surprised I haven’t seen:
Toast Fucker (you know, people who fuck or get fucked by toast)
Zarquin Frood
and Belgian.
October 27, 2011 at 1:07 pm
YAY BRAIN CANDY!!
October 27, 2011 at 1:23 pm
Thank you to the one other person who’s seen that movie!
October 27, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Cat on my head! CAT ON MY HEAD!
October 27, 2011 at 1:05 pm
cum gargling goatse hole stretcher
October 27, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Don’t forget squid vag and badger hole
October 27, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Slatternly nun sucker
October 27, 2011 at 1:10 pm
Bilge-sucking cunt rat!
Great snorkling snatches!
Fer the love ‘a Davy Jones’ hairy locker!
Kraken-muncher!
Hoist ye quivering mast!
Suck a plank!
Blubbering blowholes!
Ye scurvy semen-licking seaman!
Fuck me sideways, you fripperous fop!
Captain Gayhab and Moby’s dick!
Thar she blows . . . my giant pirate cock.
Oh dear . . . I could go on like this for a while.
October 27, 2011 at 1:12 pm
Some fun statistics that will be grossly obsolete by the time I finish compiling them. As of about 15 minutes ago, the frequency with which the following words or word fragments occurred in this post was:
Testicle: 3
Smeg: 5
Snot: 7
Penis: 10
Saurus: 10
Blood: 12
Piss: 12
Slut: 13
Flap: 15
Vagina: 16
Ball: 17
Waffle: 17
Tard: 19
Fart: 19
Bitch: 21
Butt: 24
Whore: 27
Suck: 31
Douche: 36
Twat: 41
Dick: 44
Cock: 59
Cum: 60
Shit: 62
Cunt: 90
Ass: 94
Fuck: 127
Whoopee!! I have learned SO much today! Thanks, bitches!
October 27, 2011 at 1:13 pm
DERP – and by “this post” I mean, of course, this entire comment thread.
October 27, 2011 at 9:26 pm
At least we know we love fucking cocks and cunts, that’s a comforting thought to me.
October 27, 2011 at 1:13 pm
Barbara Streisand!
October 27, 2011 at 1:19 pm
Mr. Barbra Streisand
October 27, 2011 at 6:00 pm
You beat me to it! I can’t think of a worse swear.
October 27, 2011 at 1:15 pm
My go to phrase in college was Bitchass Mother Bucker. Daffy Cunt is a favorite of my husband.
In the end you can’t go wrong with a simple Knob Gobbler.
October 27, 2011 at 1:16 pm
Insufflate my ass with a McDonald’s straw.
October 27, 2011 at 1:16 pm
I want to watch a female Sam Cromwell character do skits like his – only positive ranting instead of negative. Oh but using swear words – just to say an overall positive message.
October 27, 2011 at 8:56 pm
And she should be sexy and scantily clad and very animated. As long as we’re brainstorming here.
October 27, 2011 at 1:16 pm
Flaming Fuckweasel
Dick Lick McCrick (Our rated G version is calling someone Richard L. McCrick)
Nub-licking Spankdaddy
Syphilitic Turbo-Slut
Crotch Critter
Turdulating Bitch-hole
Cocksmooch
Four-flushing fuckbag with a side of dipshit
Anal lice infested ass monkey
October 27, 2011 at 1:17 pm
Bagel tickling smock-jockey
Queef whiffer
Glitter snorting rock monger
October 27, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Man whoring labia lugger
Bronzer basted testicle slinger
(inspired by a certain club fuckery post…)
October 27, 2011 at 1:18 pm
Cockwaffle
Funderthucking bun of a sitch
October 27, 2011 at 1:20 pm
COCKSUCKING CUNTY-FUDGING ARSE BOTHERER OF HADES
Oh sweet mercy, that felt good.
October 27, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Shit-titties
Tickledick Skinbag
Pussy Drool
The Luftetwatfle
Athlete’s Cunt
Vadgacne
Corn-Studded Turd Dildo
Rush Limbaugh
October 27, 2011 at 1:22 pm
Ball gargling abortion of a fuck up.
October 27, 2011 at 1:24 pm
cunt-warping kale monger.
October 27, 2011 at 1:24 pm
cockwrangler
October 27, 2011 at 1:25 pm
(In alphabetical order, for not real reason)
Hamster balls for brains
Hamster cornholer
Hamster fister
Hamster handjob
Hamster skullfuck
Hamster titfuck
October 27, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Damn! What did the hamster ever do to you?
although, I do use the term ass-hamster.
and crapweasel. there’s a general rodent theme.
October 27, 2011 at 3:49 pm
It’s not so much the hamster itself as its size and the notion that to do or be a Hamster cornholer, skullfuck, or titfuck, the man’s penis must be tiny. Very, very, very tiny.
A hamster handjob or a hamster fister, on the other hand (sorry) requires the man to be quite the fetishist and a submissive the likes of which few have ever seen.
October 27, 2011 at 1:26 pm
My christian mother in law’s specialty, from before she found jesus ( now none of it ever happened):
Fucking Asshole Cunt- good name for kids apparently.
Im partial to Fuckknuckle.
October 27, 2011 at 1:26 pm
pillowbiting codpiece fuckup in a mismatched sock.
October 27, 2011 at 1:27 pm
Shitfaced cockmaster.
Donkey-raping shiteater.
Dogshit taco.
I made an account to contribute to this.
October 27, 2011 at 1:28 pm
Pencil-dicked ass scribbler!
October 27, 2011 at 1:28 pm
Shit huffing dick muncher
October 27, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Goatse-licking ass-painter
Hobo Uncle
Dennis Waldron
October 27, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Shit-sucking mime lover
Nuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, Fox New-watching, sister fucker. I yell this one at least once a day while driving.
October 27, 2011 at 5:38 pm
Whoa now – mime lover and Fox News-wathcing? That’s just sick! I’m going to have to view some Goatse to purify my mind.
October 27, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Shit felching ass cowboy.
October 27, 2011 at 1:38 pm
“Donkey raping cock master” has been a favorite in certain circles of mine. i also fancy “bork titted swizzle teats”
October 27, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Oh yeah, I forgot one of my old favorites:
Grannyfister
October 27, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Cunting Bastard,
Evil Annoying Idiot Fuck
October 27, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Ass-stabbing loose meat sandwich full of HPVittles.
October 27, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Jesus suffering fuck.
Pissflaps.
Minge.
October 27, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Day shift stripper
Sparkle fangbanger
October 27, 2011 at 1:41 pm
I’m a fan of “sounds dirty, but actually isn’t,” so I’m awfully fond of: “You…you…human paraquat!”
Anyone?
October 27, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Shit-gargling fucktard.
Cuntyfucking testicle-flapper.
October 27, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Bloody cum guzzling donkey dick tonsil tickler motherfucker.
Personally I prefer to hear this string of foulness dryly flowing from the mouth of a sophisticated British man. Almost gets me as hot as when a Scottish man says fuck.
October 27, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Anti-Jeremy twat teaser
2 dollar gigolo
pus filled maggot douche.
October 27, 2011 at 1:45 pm
crapweasel, buttnugget, fuckstick, twatwaffle
Dude, ask 14 year old me.
I had a whole “sperm-gurgling” monologue.
My parents were very proud, why do you ask?
October 27, 2011 at 1:46 pm
from unda breathe (as in the cheese from unda your balls.)
October 27, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Cheese-minged swampdonkey
October 27, 2011 at 1:47 pm
I also can’t believe no one has said “scruffy looking nerf herder!” I guess I’m just not going standard profane enough. ;p
October 27, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 1:49 pm
starpunk hippytwister
queef bubble pantylicker
October 27, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Whisker Biscuit
October 27, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Nardstain
Nozzletart
Skantsyfart
Scabbytaint
Leaky Twatted Craftard
Republican
October 27, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Leaky Twatted Craftard. Classic.
October 28, 2011 at 7:39 pm
I see nard, but I hear “NARF!”
October 27, 2011 at 1:54 pm
A decade ago my then German boyfriend liked to mess with Ami’s (Americans) by teaching them this made up ‘traditional’ German cuss phrase:
Fick dich in dem Knee, du schweine Prieste.
Which translates to ‘Fuck you in the knee, you pig priest’. It’s still one of my favorite dirty phrases.
October 27, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Fuck Weasel
Pussy Wrangler
Fucking maggot ridden cum receptacle
My favorite: (Comes from Bruce Almightly) Anal dwelling butt monkey!
October 27, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Goddamn Fucking Soul-less Ginger (heard that from a student actually when he was talking to his buddy)
Gyrating Goatfucker
Steampunk Mustache wearing octopussy
Hitler’s Nazi Buttplug
October 27, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Goatse enabler
October 27, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Fuginiddy Twattlebouche
Fudge-bucketing Donuthole Licker
Curmungdung Feltcherant
Cockaturd Fuckwit
Intrepid Fetid Vapor Congnisenti
Cunnyflapper Schmegonitor
October 27, 2011 at 2:08 pm
queef sniffing twat-toad
October 27, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Double-barreled shit-sandwich turd sonovabitch.
Try it on for size. I always find myself drawing out the tuuurrrd as if winding up before throwing out the final salvo.
October 27, 2011 at 2:09 pm
I love swearing and I love creative written verse…just a few of my faves to share
Slagging Ape’s Bloody Butthole
Flatulent Fuck Farmer
Leaky Scrotal Lesion Licker
Chicken McTumors ( what I call Chicken Mcnuggets)
Rusty Rag Muncher
Ingrown Pube Peddler
Putrid Pus filled son of a ass bag
Violated like a rum filled sheep anus in a penal colony
Blown out like an elephant’s pussy
64 oz douche guzzler
Hairy titted witch spanker
Shorn donkey balls
October 27, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 2:10 pm
For Douglas Adams fans: Belgium
For 40K fans: Grot Fondler*
*not mine, can’t recall where I saw it.
October 27, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Fuckballs McFizzle-Tits
Shit-ass cocklizard
Thundershits
Shit-ridden nun-fucker
Twinkie-dicked bean-penis
Raging yeast-shitter
Taint spanker
Saucer-nippled McDoogen-fister
Bastard-lips McStreusel-cunt
Vagina crap-jam
***Stolen from Cynicism 101′s blog, “The Art of Cussing”
October 27, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Placenta crafting glitter licker
Copyright threatening unimaginitive Craftard
Think-skinned Etsy seller
Democunt
October 27, 2011 at 2:30 pm
That should be “Thin-skinned Etsy Seller”
October 27, 2011 at 3:11 pm
Beefy tits
Turnstile-twat
Muff-buffer
Nub-knocker
Dr. Doo-jizzle
Captain Cunts
Everlasting knob-stopper
Stump-bumper
Flop-knob
Titty-mittens
Hairy nipple-raiser
Minge-jammer
Poxy-Cock
Flipper-Dick
Chewy muffin-nutter
Bronzed plonker
Slippery jizz-fizz
Salty-Vault
Muppet-thruster
Knuckle-suckler
Dick giblets
October 27, 2011 at 3:24 pm
I don’t know why that posted as a reply. Sorry
October 27, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Cock-swoggling toss-turkeys
October 27, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Churro turbo caliente
coming from an hispanic country, churro is one of my favorite words, it’s mostly not used as an insult, but due to it’s fallic or turd-like features it can become one. And everything sounds better with turbo and caliente.
October 27, 2011 at 2:16 pm
revilest teabaggin boobie snatcher
rod sucking gewurtztraminer
spooge mandering dirt miner
auf gesehen innen sie outen sie
sechs und funfzig diesen sind wort
Thou algophilist sanguine tenesmus
Thrice gulped lifesblood of an ass
October 27, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Cunt swaggler
October 27, 2011 at 2:22 pm
You laciniate fetid slash
October 27, 2011 at 2:23 pm
i’ve always been partial to TwatWaffle (or variations like “Alexander McTwatWaffle.) Oh and “Horse Humping Thunder Cunt” (thank urban dictionary for that one, i put in my first name a couple years ago and that’s what came up, it’s not there anymore though.)
October 27, 2011 at 2:26 pm
Penis Wrinkle
Twat Canon
vulva-slapping fuck-jumper
Freddy Prince Jr
re-cock-ulous
cum-splattered circus tent
jizz merengue
dildo-cycle
fuck-a-doodle-doo
shit ass bastard
Cunty McCunterson
Vagina-delic
and to polish off with my favorite phrase:
That is crazier than two rats fuckin’ in a wool sock
October 27, 2011 at 2:30 pm
prolapsed furbelow
October 27, 2011 at 2:31 pm
I like ‘rancid pile of assholes’.
I’m also a fan of bag of dicks, spacktard, fucknugget, and I have a friend who thinks it’s hilarious when I say ‘fuck a monkey’.
October 27, 2011 at 2:31 pm
Shit-dicked cuntpickler!
Bloodied queef!
Bluewaffled doucheflap!
October 27, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Jiminy Fuckwit.
October 27, 2011 at 2:33 pm
I am partial to sweary animals. Take any swear word and add the name of an animal. My personal favourites are “Cunt Puffin” and “Twat Badger”…
October 27, 2011 at 8:37 pm
My favourite is “cuntweasel”, followed closely by “fuckweasel” and “assbadger”.
October 27, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Semen-soaked snaggletooth chancre-encrusted limburger-and-fishstink cunt
Skid mark-sniffing fist mitten
Cum-farting anal drive-thru
October 27, 2011 at 2:38 pm
You filthy fuckers are way ahead of me here so there’s no way for me to read all these…so I’m just going to list a few of the go-to swears around my household:
Cock Bite
Fuckstick
Shitbird
Big Dirty Fart
Turd Burglar
Shit Stain Baby
like a monkey fucking a football (describes any clusterfuck)
Butt Monkey
Ass Nugget
Rat Fart
Fudge Dragon
Fuck Muffin
Turd Wallop
Cunt Lick
October 27, 2011 at 2:39 pm
May Odidn flense your porpoise
October 27, 2011 at 2:45 pm
*Odin
October 27, 2011 at 2:39 pm
Hrm… there’s always a good ol’ “Tabernac!” (fuck, in French). Like in English, it can be used in many variations. “Crist de caudis de tabernac!” being my husband’s personal favorite. Which is like “fucking Christ!”. It’s good to yell at random telemarketers.
My personal favorite is “Ta peu, ta gros, pis toi mere n’aime pas”. Which translates to “You stink, you’re fat, and your mother doesn’t love you.”
October 27, 2011 at 5:33 pm
I wish my relatives had taught me the mother tongue, because “You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny” sounds more insulting in Polish .
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 pm
I do like French-Canadian curse words – and they translate into English quite well, too. Anything to do with church architecture, yelled at the top of your voice, generally works very well. “Tabernacle!” “Narthex!” (what is a narthex, anyhow?)
October 27, 2011 at 2:43 pm
SSarah’s hirsute casement
October 27, 2011 at 2:47 pm
BUNT FUCKLER
October 27, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Well I couldn’t find jealous or losers, but here’s us in Elizabethan English.
By my trowth, thou dost make the millstone seem as a feather what widst thy lard-bloated footfall! Thy vile canker-blossom’d countenance curdles milk and sours beer.
October 27, 2011 at 2:48 pm
That’s fucking ricockulous was always my favorite.
You already say DICK when you say ridiculous, and if you can slip Ricockulous into your daily language it’ll enhance any conversation.
RICOCKULOUS.
October 27, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Shut your cum-filled cock-garage (a classy way to say shut your filthy mouth)
October 27, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Also add, Sausage wallet.
Like wow, that girl over there fucking that guy in the corner is a real Sausage wallet.
October 27, 2011 at 2:55 pm
You’d think as a former “insult for hire” person that I would have dozens, but with kids being in the line of fire and the general nature of things, I’m not sure how well suited my material would be… but here’s a sampling and then some:
cum swapper
best part of you ran down your mom’s leg
(or) best part of you is a brown stain on a dirty mattress
so good at sex, now if you could just find a partner
I bet you make pickles in the back of your truck
Alright I think that’s enough of that. Most of these insults in the right forum are AWESOME. Nothing like asking a cowboy “if he overworked the cattle last night.”
October 27, 2011 at 2:56 pm
Heh, look at the number of comments right now…
October 27, 2011 at 2:58 pm
smoked out douche canoe
October 27, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Your Mother was a hampster, and your father smelled of elderberries.
I’ve always liked “may the fleas of a thousand syphilitic camels infest your armpits”.
goatse puncher.
October 27, 2011 at 4:05 pm
>>”May the fleas of a thousand syphilitic camels infest your armpits”
You can never go wrong with a quote from Amazing Karnac!
October 27, 2011 at 2:59 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 3:02 pm
Cuntfisting, slurry dog, whorewart, assflange, queefburger, jizz trough, swamp donkey, fuck drool, cunt stubble, cock spittle, bukakke blaster, cum curdler, slutslinging pole-pumper, vaghood. Fuck my boot and call me Footloose!
October 27, 2011 at 3:03 pm
Wombat fucking, Christ-punching son of a tic-tac dick’s hairy ballsac.
October 27, 2011 at 3:05 pm
You fuckering fuck fuckhead picklefucker? (Say that 10 times fast…with a straight face. I dare you)
—
Motherfucking snatchwhoring dickmongering fucktard of a blimeyfuckin seaturd! I oughta fuckerin gut ye, ye fuckerin seapig! And YOU, you bloody fuckity mc fuck tard of a shitsnortin’ cum robbin snatch of a skanky udder laden milkwhore! What do ye think you and your twat-ogling, cooter pilfering douchesucker crew?
—
Also, if I get bonus points, here’s a couple in Italian:
Vafanculo! (go roughly fuck yourself in the ass)
Testa di cazzo! (Dickhead, literally, head of a dick)
October 27, 2011 at 3:05 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Son #1 calls Son #2 Turd Rocket. Never fails to impress.
October 27, 2011 at 3:12 pm
1.taint sniffer
2.Jizz dispenser
3.gooch muncher
4.bonch scratcher
5.panty creamer
6.twat gobbler
7.coochie duster
8.monkey dickcheese filled ganbangler
9.twat swater
10.poon dyker
11.butt ripper
that is all.
October 27, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Pisskidney!
(Somebody probably already mentioned this one but it’s one of my favourites.)
October 27, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Simple yet classic: pig fucker
October 27, 2011 at 3:38 pm
I’m not a fig plucker or a fig plucker’s son
but I’ll pluck your fig when the fig plucker comes
October 27, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.
Not a punt cut square,
Just a square cut punt.
It’s round in the stern and blunt in the front.
Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.
October 27, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Cunt-punching pumpkin fucker.
Ass-rapin’ zipper licker.
(This is the best I’ve felt all day:)
October 27, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Taint lesion.
A euphemism for sex….putting your dragon in my knuckerhole.
It’s from Dragon Tales. knuckerhole is what they call the caves underground where they live. It just sounds so dirty.
October 27, 2011 at 3:31 pm
Fuck you and the fucking fucker you rode in on
shitpump
Pussydick
Shitbrains
Piss-guzzler
October 27, 2011 at 3:32 pm
Knobjockey
Fuck Me Drunk
Asshair
aaaaannnnd…………..
Nickleback fan!
October 27, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Nickleback fan?! That’s just fighting dirty. I mean, come on now, good, decent human beings (and fat, dirty, jealous twatwaffles) read this site!
Man… that’s just… ouch.
October 27, 2011 at 3:34 pm
Borrowed Randyisms from Trailer Park Boys – but these are jems!
prefaced by “Awww…
-”…Rooster nuts!”
-”…Cinnamon flavored cocks!”
-”…Cock-nuckles!”
-”…Moose balls!”
-”…Frozen mixed vegetable cocks!”
Wondershowzen:
-”Horseapples!”
And my own 2 cents…
- “Jesus creeping shit!” *subs “fucking” for “creeping” if you’re feeling traditional
-”Cousin fucker!”
-”Twatzarella”
-”Bitch tits”
-”snaggle snatch”
-”snatchaloo”
-”honkey-stick”
October 27, 2011 at 3:34 pm
You slimy, oozing hatchet-wound, rug munching, son-of-a-cunt, wanking smeg-snorting, crusty ass-cheese smelling, fucktard!
October 27, 2011 at 3:35 pm
shitblister
smegmabreath
cuntvomit
assdripping
festering dick trickle
anusgravy
goatsemouth
turdlicker
smiling pussy snot
October 27, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Cock-Juggling Thunder Cunt! Alternatively Cock-guzzling Thunder Cunt!
October 27, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Maybe a medical theme?
Coccyx sucking Uvula dumpster!
October 27, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Oh…and this is the one I’m ripping off from my FAV vampire, Pam, from True Blood..
Gash in a sundress!
October 27, 2011 at 3:38 pm
shit on my twat-stick
October 27, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Shit-screwing cumdonut.
Jizzweasel.
Dicknugget.
Douchenozzle.
Jerknoodle (for the kids).
Knob-goblin.
Dick-tickling cumdumpster.
Bob Johnson!
October 27, 2011 at 3:41 pm
An old family favorite…moose taco. Bonus- safe to say in front of the kiddos and gets confused looks from the grandparents.
October 27, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Herpes infested cum bubble.
October 27, 2011 at 3:42 pm
OOH and who can forget – spanish!
vieja apestosa – stinky old woman
vete frie las papas! – Go fry potatoes!
October 27, 2011 at 3:44 pm
I registered for this, you vag-faced junk spelunkers.
October 27, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Lard-nippled Jesus wanker!
October 27, 2011 at 3:47 pm
kuhfotze (german for “cow cunt”)
toe-sucking pigpriest
brown-tongue
lint licker
fudgepuppy
nignog
mammering common-kissing applejohn
base-court pignut
nut-hook
and “motherfucker” when you say it like Hank Moody http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgX-fKE6cJg
October 27, 2011 at 3:47 pm
I like soggy-bottom, squit-knickered swamp donkey.
October 27, 2011 at 3:49 pm
douche canoe
crusty hog gobbler
smegging smeghead
rat bastard (tame, but one of my favorite epithets)
October 27, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Jizz drizzled twat waffle!
October 27, 2011 at 3:52 pm
I’m going to get so many thumbs down for this, but it needs to be done. For when your kids eventually want to play, make the game family friendly by involving using popular children’s literature(!) like…
Swish and Flicker
Voldemort’s Nipple
Dragon Boogies
Expecto Patronads
Jiggery Pokery
Blast-Ended Skank
Mugglefucking Trollshit
Dobby’s Sock
Floppy-Wanded Dementor Buggerer
I could also teach you the Elder Swear, but it must never be repeated anywhere…
October 27, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Cunt-fucking cock wallet double verbs…
October 27, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Could we act out the Elder Swear in mime? I mean, it could get us seriously hurt (who doesn’t hate a mime—raise your hands *looks around, waits a moment* yeah, I didn’t think so), but it would be fun before the concussion kicks in!
October 27, 2011 at 3:53 pm
yeast munching twat-snatch
October 27, 2011 at 3:53 pm
I think this post has brought many of the lurkers up to posting status so they could join in the fun.
Welcome to the party, fellow fuckweasels!
October 27, 2011 at 3:53 pm
crowing gerbil runner
livercolouredpansysuxer
panigarious *pronounced paa nigg a riss*
October 27, 2011 at 3:54 pm
I’m just going to go with the classics (Per George Carlin): shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits
I’m classy like that.
October 27, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Allow me to mix it up a little with these classics, like:
shitty piss-tits fuck
cock-sucking motherfucking tit-shit (I like!)
motherfucking cunt-shitting fuck (my personal favorite)
October 28, 2011 at 11:52 am
I actually got to recite that in during a college lecture (Mass Communications) during a discussion on censorship in American media. My professor was… impressed… that I knew them so readily.
(My dad was a huge Carlin fan.)
October 27, 2011 at 3:54 pm
I have a friend who excels at this sort of thing… Here’s his off-the-top-of-his-head contribution:
Vaginal blood fart felching son of a cum dumpster-diving, rancid penile discharge gulping, armless gorilla stump-fucking, aborted goat fetus brain slurping, shit-crusted ass rimming, festering cunt boyle sucking, scat gobbler.
Knock yourselves out memorizing THAT one!
October 27, 2011 at 3:55 pm
For the christmas season I offer: Corn flocked cock!
October 27, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Spank me ’til my love-plums swell.
October 27, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Slap happy stinkers
Seth Rogen’s scrotum
Tantizling testicals
October 27, 2011 at 3:57 pm
cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit
–Courtesy of Christmas Vacation, one of the fuckin best movies there is!
October 27, 2011 at 3:58 pm
A few family favorites:
Sperm Burping Road Whore
Buttfuckassbooktard
SpunkMonkeyDoucheBag
CuntSprocket
twatsack
October 27, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Cum Guzzling Gutter Slut
Midget Whore
October 27, 2011 at 4:04 pm
Jimminy jizznuts but that’s a lot of swearing you phallus loving sons of queers.
Ring around the anus? Even Wisk won’t save you now.
scuse me…I have to go diddle my dandelion now.
October 27, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Sarah Palin
October 27, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Taco toking twit.
Then my fave from Tourette’s guy, but it’s all in the delivery:
Bob Sagat!
October 27, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Shallot-whacker
Canyon-cunt
Nad-nibbler
Microcock
Or how ’bout some Latin?
Misella landica, translates to “poor little clitoris”
Mentula-whomper, translated to “someone who whomps a tiny penis”
Apologies if any of these have been so far mentioned… I lost track around the 500th comment. HK, see what a can of worms you have unleashed!
October 27, 2011 at 4:08 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 27, 2011 at 4:09 pm
Wizzer Shitcunt McFartpoop
October 27, 2011 at 4:09 pm
There’s a thai curse (sorry can’t remember how to say it in Thai) that means, “I hope your cunt breaks into 3 pieces”
October 27, 2011 at 4:09 pm
I’m going to shoot for some sailor-themed cussing.
Squid-diddling whale-impaler
limp shrimp-dick
hagfish fucker
son of a sea cucumber
sea-urchin merkin
dugong dong sucker (borrowed that one, love it!)
bilge spooging knob swabber
mizzenmast jizzer
Manatee manhandler
scurvy pervert
orca porker
October 27, 2011 at 4:21 pm
I was going to go for some sailor themed ones but I wasn’t creative enough.
I’d like to make these into samplers for all my sailing friends (especially “orca porker”, it’s so poetic
)
October 27, 2011 at 4:13 pm
Secure your cock holster!
I think variations have been mentioned, but the secure part is the best part.
October 27, 2011 at 4:15 pm
In case you’re looking for imperatives in addition to name-calling, my grandma always used to tell people:
Go shit in your hat
Go pee in your slipper
October 27, 2011 at 4:25 pm
I know they’re tame compared to everything on this site, but growing up hearing it come from an old lady is pretty damn awesome.
(Also, hi! I’ve been lurking for a while but this is my first time commenting!)
October 27, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Cum drunk donkey fucking dildo stuffing fairy cunt….
Someone called me that one….I laughed heartily.
October 27, 2011 at 4:18 pm
They’ve probably already been said but some good words are:
clunge
minge
felch
A good Scottish one and a favourite of mine : jobby (or jobbie, I’m unclear on the spelling).
And to steal a phrase from my darling brother “spunk dripping gammon flaps”
October 27, 2011 at 4:23 pm
Also phrase-wise “I hope your next shite’s a hedgehog”
… having scanned the list, this seems quite tame. It was gold when I was like 13.
October 27, 2011 at 4:20 pm
Diseased secretion of a dying mollusk
October 27, 2011 at 4:22 pm
Crunchycunt
October 27, 2011 at 4:22 pm
My friend A likes to say “cum dumpster” but my friend M likes to say “cum guzzling road whore” which I think has a nice ring to it.
October 27, 2011 at 4:24 pm
whelk wanker
geoduck sucker
sea slug slurping jellyfish fellator
wrass-wrestling dinghy diver
sponge-pumping seasquirt
poopdeck wrecker
barnacle-licking octopus rapist
October 27, 2011 at 4:25 pm
To name a few:
Yeast-infected slime-ball born from a Mongolian Lesbian Clusterfuck
Warty McDouchenozzle
Moldy panty-stain
October 27, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Oh I forgot one:
Ham Nipple Titties
(This is when your nipples look like the top of a canned ham…)
October 27, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Also,
assbutt.
I know, lame, but I cannot say this without giggling.
October 27, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Cabbage-headed thundercunt.
October 27, 2011 at 4:32 pm
It’s probably on here somewhere, but bawbag. Scottish for ballbag. Say it out loud and NOT laugh. I dare you!
October 27, 2011 at 4:34 pm
All you special cupcakes can go suck moose cock.
October 27, 2011 at 4:36 pm
My favorite of all time:
“Move your ass! Move, you fuckin’ twat! Move, you retarded cocksucker, move!”
I yell this at my husband all the time. I mean, in a most supportive and loving way, of course.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1ccNPELLIk (sorry, I can’t figure out the damn html)
October 27, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Twat-waffling godwanker.
October 27, 2011 at 4:39 pm
I think feculent-whore has a nice old timey sailor ring to it.
Also, I don’t know if this could be incorporated, but whenever I feel I’ve dealt an opponent a particularly devastating blow, I like to yell Cock Punch!
October 27, 2011 at 6:35 pm
Around here it’s UpperCunt!
October 27, 2011 at 4:40 pm
puking boil-brained minnow
shovelhanded ape
demented octopus
shit-trumpet!
October 27, 2011 at 4:41 pm
April, good luck finding the time to read all the comments!
Shit-smeared twat-twanger
Crusty, musty, measle-cock
Flaming smeg-sauce
Oozing arse-pucker (I’m American, but I think “arse” sounds better for this one)
Festering bajingo pilot
Sphincter-scab
October 27, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Also, the strangest things i’ve ever yelled at my husband:
“Don’t you DARE teabag that corpse!”
“What is this, amateur night at the gay rodeo?!”
“I know a saigon whore tighter than you!”
October 27, 2011 at 6:28 pm
All should be immortalized in samplers.
October 27, 2011 at 4:42 pm
furry tuna taco
love mayonnaise
slam whore
October 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Shit a dachsund till you bark!
October 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Shit a dachsund till you bark!
October 27, 2011 at 4:44 pm
I have 3 things to share
1) Jizz table
2) Slut curtain
3) This beautiful barrage of abuse :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IP-72SH4MYs
October 27, 2011 at 4:47 pm
Fucking nipplywanker
Spank-the-fucking-mighty-magic-monkey
(Both spontaneously invented by my most creatively-swearing friend)
Scrotulent badger-wrangler
(I love the word ‘scrotulent’ I had a level 80 WoW paladin named that, and also I think a Pikachu)
October 27, 2011 at 4:49 pm
You make my butthole want a suck of buttermilk!
(this was actually a pet saying of my paternal grandmother…she was awesome.)
October 27, 2011 at 4:49 pm
Distended anus face.
October 27, 2011 at 4:54 pm
My New England-raised prim and proper grandmother never swore. But when she was totally incensed and livid, she’d work herself up to spitting out “Shit, piss, and vinegar!!”
October 27, 2011 at 4:54 pm
yeasty-keistered fuck nugget
musty maggotted cuntcrab
rectal cabbage farmer
cystoidal ass-slaw
October 27, 2011 at 6:01 pm
grizzly grundle-monger
festerknob
pus-guzzling anal herp
gristle-tits
October 27, 2011 at 7:56 pm
shit dribbling pickle weasel
rat-nosed fleshpuddle
snot-spewing assblaster
penoidal douche nozzle
*I keep having to come back to the computer with more. I’m gonna go drift off to sleep to sweet sweet profanities dancing through my head
October 27, 2011 at 5:01 pm
This came to me, no shit, in a dream:
“Fucktarp.”
It was, literally, a mildewy tarp, lost in the woods somewhere, with a few empty beer bottles and discarded condoms & wrappers laying around it.
October 27, 2011 at 5:32 pm
What a beautiful dream.
October 27, 2011 at 8:01 pm
If you mean “beautiful” in the sense that it was very realistic, detailed, and that I remember it vividly, I suppose… it was like the Platonic ideal of a naughty teenagers’ makeout spot, sort of “Heathers” meets “Evil Dead” in atmosphere.
… but it was still a fucktarp.
October 27, 2011 at 5:06 pm
What’s worse than being a dick? A dick hole.
October 27, 2011 at 5:07 pm
I haven’t read all of the other postings yet, so I don’t know if there’s any overlap, but:
cunt-licking snatch bagger
cockcheese licker
pus-filled fart bomb
rat testicle
…and son/daughter of a motherless goat (Three Amigos!)
October 27, 2011 at 5:10 pm
Monkey spanking gash lapper
October 27, 2011 at 5:12 pm
I had to register just to share my favourite Finnish curses
Voi, Vitunlihakeitto! – Oh, Cuntsoup!
Suksi vittuun – Go ski into a cunt
Vittujen kevät ja kyrpien takatalvi!- used like oh fuck but literally means spring of cunts in the mid-winter of cocks.
Then there are my personal favourites; Douche-rocket, twatbag, cuntsplosion and complete and utter fucking cuntastrophe, all of which are quite vagcentric.
October 27, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Cornforkin Cobscraper
October 27, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Pencil neck geek!
Pencil neck geek, grit eatin’ freak,
scum suckin’, pea head with a lousy physique.
He’s a one man, no gut, loosing streak.
Nothin’ but a pencil neck geek.
October 27, 2011 at 6:05 pm
replace “neck” with “dick” and you have a winner.
October 27, 2011 at 5:24 pm
fur burger
October 27, 2011 at 5:27 pm
Cunt-Lolly, that took a long time to scroll down to the bottom of the cockfucking page!
October 27, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Full disclosure:I have been lurking for months,and made an account just for this contest
*Deep-fried buttflower (I made it up in 5th grade,but doubt it’s stood the test of time
)
*Douchewaffle (my boyfiend gave me that one)
* Cunt-lapping ass plunderer
* Semen imbibing toaster streudel
*pus-filled cock goblin
October 27, 2011 at 5:29 pm
You whimsicle Fuckers have made Family Night at my kid’s school so much better!
October 27, 2011 at 5:34 pm
This is my first comment, so be gentle. Stolen from the movie “Paul” and so fun to scream at the top of your lungs: Mother fuckin’ titty-suckin’ two-balled bitch! And, the only time I’ve ever heard my dad swear, he called a guy a “goddamned fuckchop.” It was beautiful.
October 27, 2011 at 6:03 pm
fuckchop. Fuckchop. This, I like.
October 28, 2011 at 11:17 am
Oh! and that one you say is from “Paul”… I distinctly remember this from the schoolbus, circa 1990:
Mother fuckin, titty-suckin two-balled bitch,
Your Mama’s in the kitchen cookin’ red hot shit.
Your father’s in jail, your brother’s in Hell,
Your sister’s on the corner hustlin pussy for sale.
Kids. Gotta love em.
November 1, 2011 at 4:53 am
ratshit batshit dirty old twat 69 assholes tied in a knot – yay, lizardshitfuck!
October 27, 2011 at 5:35 pm
Bulbous bastion of baboon butts
Inflamed maggot infected pustule of a ninja’s nutsack
Sweaty toenail fungus licker
desk-humping smelly armpit nuzzler
October 27, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Cod-prodding puffin fluffer
scrod-scrotum
dolphin-fondling bream-reamer
crab-grabbing pirate pegger
sodden sodomite
spume-sucking briny hiney
chum humper
eel feeler
oh god I can’t stop
October 27, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Ass munching son of a cuntbucket.
Swear words just sound better with bucket at the end. Fuckbucket, douchebucket, twatbucket. Bucket bucket bucket.
Also, bleeding arsemonster.
October 28, 2011 at 11:41 am
I favor ‘basket’ or ‘bag’ myself. Container-based expletives are fun!
October 27, 2011 at 5:42 pm
pinnipedophile
oh that one is my best yet
October 27, 2011 at 5:43 pm
Cock Puppet
Stank-ass Patchouli Hippy
Cuniculous / cuniculus (plural cuniculi) {real word meaning rabbit like or full of rabbits}
Goatse Anus
Tub Girl
Lemon Party Grandpa
Vaginal Cheese
Penny-slot(ted) whore
Cod Fiend
Also: Just about anything you can find on this list of animal adjectives
Examples: Cancrine Lice Monger (Crab)
Pulicine Whore (Flea)
Phascolomian Pedophile (wombat)
October 27, 2011 at 5:48 pm
WhoreBeast or its cousin, WhoreBitch
October 27, 2011 at 5:48 pm
ichtheo-prick licker
cephalopod pud
cetacean sucking blowhole rimmer
crustacean fellatio
mollusk molester
plankton yanker
October 27, 2011 at 5:50 pm
sticky spunk spittoon
October 27, 2011 at 5:50 pm
I worked as a barista for a while, and when handing out coffees to cunststomers (customers who asked for “extra hot”, “a cup of chinos”, etc, or were rude) I would slip in a little swear. “Two crappucinos and one twat white, ma’am” or “Piccolo farte for you sir?”
Also, my mother in law wishes to add these to the ever-expanding list:
“cock-flavoured fuckleberry”
“poofter-featured dicknose”
“fuck-knuckle”
“howling cunt-crawler”
October 27, 2011 at 5:52 pm
also, there is a part of your ear cartilage called a “conch”, which is not dirty but sounds it, as in “i just got my conch pierced and it stings”.
October 27, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Cuntlicking Monkeyknocker.
Why yes, I did make a profile just to post this. Achievement unlocked.
October 27, 2011 at 5:51 pm
Tongue-palpate a pulsing prostate then masticate on a mouthful of anal condylomas.
October 27, 2011 at 5:52 pm
Cuntwhistle.
October 27, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Gooch licker
October 27, 2011 at 6:31 pm
eeewwwwww
October 27, 2011 at 5:57 pm
Cunt butter!
Son of a footfucker!
October 27, 2011 at 5:57 pm
flipper fapper
flounder pounder
pollock bollocks
sea bass up the ass
red snapper cunt lapper
grouper groper
October 28, 2011 at 11:20 am
I can’t quite my my finger on why, but I just know that “grouper groper” is something that is going to be with me for a very, very long time.
October 27, 2011 at 5:57 pm
fuckfegnugen
flappy funhole
cuntlefish
i just made those up, but my favorite curse word is shitdick.
October 27, 2011 at 6:00 pm
Placenta eating hipster twunt.
October 27, 2011 at 6:05 pm
pumpkin fucking ass hamster
knob gobbling lobster twat
excoriated meatwing snatcher
October 27, 2011 at 6:07 pm
halibuttfucker
shad shagger
conch spunk
coral corker
salmon sucking nautilus nutsack
lime-licking kraken whacker
October 30, 2011 at 10:37 pm
Very nautical.
October 27, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Flying Squirrel Vagina
Used this to describe a few girls I used to work with. Pretty much says it all.
October 27, 2011 at 6:10 pm
Anally-extruded, shit-streaked, lube-dripping, jizz-bubble felched by the warty, cum-filled, blood-covered, pus-dripping, mouth of a necrophillic grandmother ass-invader.
October 27, 2011 at 6:10 pm
THUNDERCUNT (I’ve found this has more of an effect if you say it like a pro wrestler)
cumguzzling roadwhore
cocksmuggling cumdumpster
wraparound titty twister
peenickle
placenta pasties
skull-fucking shiteater
hipster shitflipster
October 27, 2011 at 6:14 pm
these are all from highschool
Cunt Roach
Dookie Ball
Cheese and Rice (Jesus Christ)
Finger Fucker
son of a biscuit eater
Fuck a duck
cum chugger
October 27, 2011 at 6:19 pm
At the risk of repeating them because i can’t go through that many…
Cockbucket
Barnacle tits
Necrotic cephalopod cock
October 27, 2011 at 8:19 pm
Necrotic cephalopod cock is my new favorite.
October 27, 2011 at 6:20 pm
Dirty son of a spooge-encrusted, maggot-infested vaginal wart.
David Hasselhoff.
October 27, 2011 at 6:25 pm
Afterbirth of a lesbian cluster fuck
October 27, 2011 at 6:27 pm
Has “mouth breathing cunt stopper” been said already?
October 27, 2011 at 6:27 pm
Gutter sniping frenchtitute snorting syphilis infected cum bubbles.
October 27, 2011 at 6:27 pm
Didn’t have the time to read through everything, but here’s my personal favorites.
Dick-licking Gutter Slut
Cum-Guzzling Crack Whore
Regurgitated Cumbubble
Twat-faced Ass-boob
http://youtu.be/y-JDdfXMwN8 And also, this song
October 27, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Butt Booger Mother Pincher
Crusty Twatcanoe
October 27, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Dangling Pussy Fuck Bucket
Donkey Raping Shit Eater
Cunt Faced Sailor Shitter
Ball Bag Ass Wipe
October 27, 2011 at 6:34 pm
Now now… cursing is only for those who aren’t intelligent enough to speak properly.
Nah, I’m just kidding, you cunts.
October 27, 2011 at 6:37 pm
shit flinging cunt duecher
October 27, 2011 at 6:39 pm
Sparkletits McFuckface
October 27, 2011 at 6:40 pm
lets see.. Weasel Fletcher. Son of a rotten mongoose. Snot dripping moose vulva. Slut master. cum guzzling ball washer. Certified ape fister. slow roasted fetus muncher. Cat gerbiling cock hammer. Jizz target. Hog wanker. Walrus comber. Kangaroo snorting assswipe. Pubic toupee. Freddy Mercury replacement.
October 27, 2011 at 6:46 pm
Some of my favorite “words”…
Buckfutter, Fudgenutter, Frack
YOU FRACKING BUCKFUTTER!
October 27, 2011 at 6:46 pm
Has “Cuntish blue twatwaffle of a whorebeast” been said yet? I use that one.
October 27, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Cock snorting grundle puncher.
October 27, 2011 at 7:00 pm
Dolphin sucking cunt cheese.
October 27, 2011 at 7:03 pm
Pig fucking cunt of a festering anus.
October 27, 2011 at 7:05 pm
Smegma covered skull fucker.
October 27, 2011 at 7:08 pm
Chancre-ridden dog felcher.
October 27, 2011 at 7:03 pm
Twat-waffling cum kicker
Co-mingling cod packer
October 27, 2011 at 7:03 pm
How about Shit Sniffing Strudel munching motherfucker or Slut monkey?
October 27, 2011 at 7:09 pm
twatty mcfuckbucket, cock snot, drooling thunder cunt, whimsical fuckery-face, hippos yawn,
October 27, 2011 at 7:13 pm
Putrified burning arsehole nugget.
Slut muncher.
October 27, 2011 at 7:17 pm
Smacking the dice dome, from a silent whisper to an orgasmic scream: “I’m praying to my higher trinity powers: The son of a bitch, holy winch spirit and Ohhh!-Gawd!!-Give-it-TO-ME!!! YESS!” (or, no. depending on the dice).
October 27, 2011 at 7:20 pm
COONTACABRA.
October 27, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Shit whistling cunt snot.
Sorry Mom..
October 27, 2011 at 7:23 pm
Why? Did your mom want to post that herself?
October 27, 2011 at 7:22 pm
Weasel-munching muffin-humper.
October 27, 2011 at 7:30 pm
I always like to add Moot to words, like Mootcake, Moothead, Mootrot, etc. I only do this to tease my friend because she hates the word ‘moot’ so much it makes her cringe, but she’ll say ‘cunt’ like it’s going out of fashion…
October 27, 2011 at 7:31 pm
Glitterdick
Twatspider
Cuntweb
Ass Crab
Crack-dealing Prostitution Whore
Goatfucker
Shitlord
Damn, ran out of steak at “Ass Crab”
October 27, 2011 at 7:36 pm
my sister and i put together insults and food.
whore bagel
cock strudel
slut cake
whore muffin
dick burger
dick bundt
ass puff
douche cake
bitch tart
slut pie
whore danish
bitch cookie
October 27, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Raskin Bobbdins.
Meth-mongering tittylicker.
Son of a fuckhammer.
Mesh bag of fucks.
Twarthyfoam.
October 27, 2011 at 7:47 pm
Screaming shit weasels
Eat a bowl of dicks
Mother pus bucket
October 27, 2011 at 7:48 pm
My personal favorite: hemorrhoid hickey.
October 27, 2011 at 7:49 pm
Son of a flaming cock rocket.
October 27, 2011 at 7:49 pm
Ass-glazing tit nozzle
Piss infested cum bubble
Twatbeast
Rage-boning thunder cow
Jizz-milking clown fucker
Festering cunt cream
Anal gaping twat fister
October 27, 2011 at 7:50 pm
Mel Gibson
October 27, 2011 at 7:51 pm
cunting wankflap
smells like backpuss
twunt
shitbeans
shiteating hosebeast
son of a motherless assmunch
October 27, 2011 at 8:00 pm
These two are both favorites from a friend of mine during Super Smash Brothers brawls in college:
Choad mongering cunt muscle
Rubber fuck muppet
Ones I occasionally pull out (i.e. when drunk):
Hairball-horking hussy
Blistered ass-flaps
Hickory-smoked horse buttholes (thank you, Dr. Tran.)
Echo-headed idiot
Blathering frent
Xbox-screwing shut-in
October 27, 2011 at 8:05 pm
piddle pus stinking pooter prick
October 27, 2011 at 8:06 pm
shit eating assgoblin
fuckwank dipshit
asstard
cuntcreaming dickbag
…etc.
October 29, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Assgoblin = so much win.
October 27, 2011 at 8:08 pm
Douchenozzle twat
It just sort of flows.
I’ve seen a few playing with these terms but my friend calling her teacher a “cum-guzzling sperm burped” got her suspended in high school, so that has always been a favorite of mine.
October 27, 2011 at 8:18 pm
Slut guzzling cock monkey
boil infested herpesarus
putrid pustuile of a legless whore
cuntrag
vomitous slag of a motheaten deer
October 27, 2011 at 8:26 pm
Wait, I thought of more!
Sniveling anus of a whoreson’s cream dripping noodlesack
ignorant hellspawn of a whore’s anus
October 27, 2011 at 8:21 pm
How about fuck bag….
October 27, 2011 at 8:30 pm
I’m about half a day late to the party but here goes nothing:
circle jerkin cum-dumpster with anal wart licking tendencies
menstrual vampire
cat fucking shitface
fucktrophy
I wish I could remember that actual Hungarian for this phrase because it was awesome to tell people, “you mother licks a donkey’s balls” and not have them know you were insulting them.
October 27, 2011 at 11:27 pm
Because I’ve remembered another word or two that I like to randomly use:
Cockholster
Dickmuffin
Son of a whore’s cum stain!
Cuntish dickweed
October 27, 2011 at 8:38 pm
joke from tLo. not mine. not theirs, either. but good:
“An old man walks into a pub in Scotland, his feet shuffling, his back
bent. He drags himself onto a stool and orders a beer. Placing the full
glass in front of him, the bartender inquires upon his sad face.
The man answers with a smoky and trembling voice and a Scottish accent:
Ah, tell ya man! This pub, this very pub we’re just sitting in. I
built it, with me own hands! But do they call me the Pubmaker? Naa! See
the wall over there, that protects our town? I built it, with me own
hands! But do they call me the Wallmaker? And the bridge, you know, that
crosses our river, I built it, with me own hands! But do they call me
the Bridgemaker?
But I tell ya, man! YOU FUCK ONE GOAT!”
October 27, 2011 at 8:41 pm
Kittentits.
October 28, 2011 at 11:32 am
That sounds like an affectionate nickname. But then, my affections tend towards the perverse anyway…
October 27, 2011 at 8:53 pm
I’m a fan of calling someone a “stinky twinkie” (it’s what you call a tampon that’s been in there too long).
October 27, 2011 at 8:55 pm
Bloodqueef.
Something tells me someone wrote that already somewhere, but the tequila tells me not to care.
October 27, 2011 at 8:57 pm
Senator Santorum.
October 27, 2011 at 9:02 pm
My preschool teaching best friend likes to use “Steve Perry!” as an expletive… and my grandma one time described someone as “frothing at the crotch.”
October 27, 2011 at 9:07 pm
cockwipe
dickbeater
ape-fucking ass pirate
suckmuppet
son of a diseased dog-fucker
your mother was such a whore, you were born from her ass because her cunt was too busy
Big Gulp sized cock-cozy
fucksmudge
cockmonger
fist-fucked abortion
October 27, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
October 27, 2011 at 9:08 pm
lunch meat.
jesus biscuit.
pre-lubed hummel figurines.
October 27, 2011 at 9:10 pm
I thought nothing could ever convince me to register and comment. I can’t believe THIS is the post that finally got me to do it… It’s way too fun to make up bizarre compound words, and you bitches are inspiring. My paltry offering:
jack-fapping jizz-chucking hole-muncher
Cunty McMuntersville
butt-monkey sinkhole
kale-sucking shit surfer
sticky-fingered cock-hockey coach
carnivorous spooge-shooting carpetbomber
sock-raping son of a crotch canker
dump-swinging porkbelly wedding tackle
Teddy Fuckspin
whore-slinging hobo bait
Den Mother at the 9th Annual Greater Boston Turd-Swap Scout Jamboree
I don’t know whether to be proud or ashamed that I did this instead of getting some much-needed sleep….
October 27, 2011 at 9:10 pm
Crack-snackin’ gooch-smoochin’ lobbyist!
October 27, 2011 at 9:13 pm
I like flatbacker
October 27, 2011 at 9:18 pm
Fetid festering chunk of camel smegma!
October 27, 2011 at 9:20 pm
spermatorium.
October 27, 2011 at 9:23 pm
Bitch-spawn of a thousand hyena-cunt maggots! Back the fuck off or I’ll staple your saggy ass to the floor and pour a corn-shit smoothie down your lying, doggy-cock-sucking throat! You look like someone skinned a fat fucking hog, rolled it its own diarrhea, and forced it into a mini-skirt! You act you’ve got a secret recipe that makes your shit smell like tulips: well, guess what? It still smells like shit, because I’ve gone into the ladies room after you, honey, and half the time it smells like you took some samples back to your desk with you. You’re a middle aged, broke-ass, pathetic bitch who’s fucked up her life so badly she can’t stand to see anyone else happy. Sucks to be you, saggy tits. Have a great day! (That felt good! Bitchy coworker whom no one can stand emailed my entire dept today demanding I be told to go out into the hall when I cough. I am coughing because I’m allergic to what she’s spraying on her desk. Up yours, bitch!)
October 27, 2011 at 9:26 pm
douche canoe fuck monkey
October 27, 2011 at 9:29 pm
My often used for when I screw something up;
Fuck a duck.
October 27, 2011 at 9:30 pm
You foreskin-shredding chink chopper!
Cock-snorting ass fractal!
Snot-soaked Vajazzle Imp!
Wipe your momma’s back-lactation off your warty thighs before you present that slobbering orifice you call a daughter to me!
You little nipple-slitting, dwarf-sack of failed clitoral scarifications!
You fuckin’ tartar-sauced anal-hemorrhage!
October 27, 2011 at 9:34 pm
You OoaK, upcycled, glitter-teared reseller!
I’M CALLING MY LAWYER!
October 27, 2011 at 9:46 pm
Abandoning lurking to say:
Queefing cunt walrus
October 27, 2011 at 10:08 pm
I like “Sucking a cunting fuck”, which is simple enough. Cunt and variations thereof are my favorites, really. “a cunting cactus farm” “Queer cunting kiwi cockballs”. I’m unoriginal, but I’ve learned that Svedka vodka is not much better than the WOLFSCHMIT my husband used to send to my college mailbox. So blame the shitty vodka. “Keystone Natty cunty dolphin fucker”. I don’t like shitty beer. Usually my most ‘creative’ cursing is just “CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT” so I’ll shut up now. My apologies.
October 27, 2011 at 10:11 pm
Dod Gam, Bun-uv-a-sitch, futher mucker!
Ain’t too smucking fart, either!
October 28, 2011 at 11:30 am
I use ‘FusterCluck’ when in moderately polite company (none of my company is TOO polite)
October 27, 2011 at 10:18 pm
Shitlipped Fuckstain
October 27, 2011 at 10:25 pm
I am overwhelmed by the magnitude of the fuckery here. (Almost typo’d magniturd, so there’s one more.) Here are a paltry few I’ve come up with -
merkin peddler
kumquat squeezer
hamster snatch
October 27, 2011 at 10:30 pm
swine banging son of a snot fargler
October 27, 2011 at 10:35 pm
a friend of mine in high school used to say “clit tickling, carpet munching, chocolate covered, regurgitated, cum bubble licking, sperm burping gutter slut”
also…douche-apotomus, douche waffle, and for some reason, sad little willy
October 28, 2011 at 8:35 pm
I want a douche-apotomus for Christmas, only a douche-apotomus will do… no cunt-adiles, no twat-waffle-usses, I only want…. douche-apotomusses…
~Sorry first thing to pop in my head when I saw that, and now it won’t stop… So I figured I would get that shit stuck in your head too. Your welcome.
October 27, 2011 at 10:49 pm
twunt
slore
piddlefart
crotch rocket
pants tent
scrotum-face
menstrual chunk
mouth-gasm
cavernous vagoo
slut muffin
corona tampon (I bartend and once had someone order a corona and grenadine this way)
…and of course…thunderslut!
October 27, 2011 at 10:58 pm
twatty wattled chin wanker
vulvapaloser
cum spangled ass cheese
prolapsed ass-faced cunt nugget
October 27, 2011 at 11:01 pm
Surgeon General’s Warning:
This page is known to incite turrets. You should not view this page if you are pregnant, breast-feeding, or think you may be pregnant, or if you have a weak heart or are a complete candy-ass.
October 27, 2011 at 11:03 pm
…incite tourette’s…
Fucking typos.
October 27, 2011 at 11:55 pm
fuck, fuck, shit
October 27, 2011 at 11:08 pm
burgerqueef
October 27, 2011 at 11:10 pm
Pork sword pariah
Beef curtain soul Succubus
October 27, 2011 at 11:16 pm
The first few times I saw douche canoe I read it first as douche-cano, and picture some something quite messy.
I also enjoy these, with various additions:
cock hole
dick bag
cunt rag
jack hole
cunt rake
fuck hole
October 27, 2011 at 11:21 pm
When I find this awesome photo frame I’ll send it to HK. Someone made it for me out of letters from alphabet soup with my all-time favorite curse:
HOLY-FUCK-SHIT!
Sounds like something Robin would say…Holy Fuck Shit Batman!
October 27, 2011 at 11:23 pm
Chunder huffing colon spanker.
October 27, 2011 at 11:28 pm
Where I’m from, this one word sums it all up:
Jagoff
but I like to mix it up a bit, especially when I’m driving:
cum guzzling whore bag
eat a bowl of dicks
roast beef cunt nugget
shit dick
donkey raping shit eater
dick cheese
inconsiderate prick fuck asshat
October 27, 2011 at 11:29 pm
-Douche Canoe
-Skanky Avacado
-Yeasty Wench
-Assbutt (Courtesy of watching too much TV)
-Tiddlysminker
October 27, 2011 at 11:35 pm
Bitchwaffles
Fuckbuckets
Sweet hairy buttfucking Moses
What in the name of the Holy Virgin’s blessed minge
Son of a limp-dicked donkey-fisting armadillo
Anal aardvark
October 27, 2011 at 11:37 pm
Bastard son of a cuntwhore, you fucking asswhole!
Suck cunt juice, fuckwad!
Fuck a duck!
Holy queefing cunt fucks!
Go lick shit off a dick!
Motherhumping shitfucks!
Stick a dick in it, cuntface.
I like saying variations of this just to see the confused looks I get: “Gosh darn it you fucking asshole!”
Well, I did my best considering I’m mostly sober. Not too bad considering I’m a Sunday School teacher, though.
October 27, 2011 at 11:40 pm
Cock-swaggling blue cuntwaffle
cock-sucking, mother-fucking, dildo-packing asshole
Or, to borrow from our good friend, Shakespeare:
This is always fun and can be a game of its’ own. Combine one word from each column:
http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/shake_rule.html
Like— “Thou tottering bat-fowling footlicker.”
October 28, 2011 at 2:46 am
I fucking love you.
October 28, 2011 at 6:37 am
October 28, 2011 at 11:28 am
You rock so hard it hurts! I had a paper copy of that and lost it!!!
October 27, 2011 at 11:43 pm
“Shitheel” has always been one of my favorites.
October 27, 2011 at 11:52 pm
shirtcocking smegberry
hissypricked mothermuncher
crumb-bearded fingersniffer
smirkstained flapjacket
nugget-guzzling knobgardener
crap-cradling suckpocket
smeglactite spelunker
brain-colored mini tube loom
Mix and match for more!
October 28, 2011 at 8:06 am
Anything with ‘smeg’ in it automatically sounds deliciously disgusting. Therefore, ‘smegberry’ has my approval.
October 27, 2011 at 11:55 pm
El hijo de la grande puta—son of a fat whore
October 27, 2011 at 11:56 pm
it was my affectionate name for my ex husband.
October 28, 2011 at 12:16 am
I have never heard my mother say “fuck.” Instead of having a child-friendly substitute like “fudge!” she would say “shitting bloody hell!” I’m not quite sure why “fuck” wasn’t ok, but three swear words put together was. But I admire her for her creativity nonetheless.
Anyway, my contributions:
~Cunting fuck (nice spin on the classic “fucking cunt” I find.)
~Sir Wank-a-lot
~Mr Shitey O’Cockhead
~Du bist ein Scheisskopf und eine Schlampe! (Songs are better in German and so are insults! “You are a shithead and a bitch”)
October 28, 2011 at 11:26 am
I’m stealing ‘Sir Wank-a-Lot’
October 28, 2011 at 12:19 am
I have to admit, my mind is not nearly dirty enough for this but my favorite thing to say is:
I’ll shove this shoe so far up your ass you’ll need a dentist to remove it
I know, it’s lame, it’s all I’ve got though.
October 28, 2011 at 12:22 am
My personal favorites:
Cuntcake
Twatwaffle
Son of a nutsack
Fudge monkey
I’m ashamed to say my little brother has picked up all of these terms except the last and my mom is not too happy with that. I started using the last one so I wouldn’t curse in front of him, looks like it didn’t work!
October 28, 2011 at 12:23 am
Also, I snagged the 666th comment. I feel… kind of worthwhile now.
October 28, 2011 at 12:54 am
Shitball snowman (the ten-year-old says this one)
Cunt-plumping cockwhistler
Shiverin’ slutbluff (almost a whore, but not cool enough to put out, and only dresses slutty)
October 28, 2011 at 12:58 am
gherkin slurpin fish fucker
Holy flippin fluckin fluckety muck
October 28, 2011 at 3:28 am
mother-fucking cock on a stick
shitsticker
Jesus H. Christ on a fucking bike
Ass fuck motherfucker
October 28, 2011 at 3:28 am
buttfuddle
shitfucker
Or, if other languages are okay, my favorite Swedish pejorative is probably: Satans kuk (Satan’s cock)
October 28, 2011 at 3:31 am
I’m just going to combine stuff from the Top 10 Sci-Fi Curse words because I’m a geek and love it. Also, random Firefly Chinese to get a few more adj. in here:
A gorram shazbot frakkin’ 狒狒的屁眼 (FAY-FAY duh PEE-yen – a baboon’s asshole)
The poodoo of a smurfin’ smeg
October 28, 2011 at 4:08 am
Fumet fucking twatmuncher
(p.s fumet apparently means deer droppings, according to the lovely terry deary of horrible histories, who taught me underhanded naughty words as a child. Gawd bless ‘im.)
October 28, 2011 at 4:47 am
My teenager recently got my blessing to swear like a sailor if she wishes (with strict instructions to never swear in front of her grandmother and specific Aunties/cousins, etc.)
I will be sharing this with her, as I am proud to be a mother who helps further her child’s education.
Thanks fuckers!
October 28, 2011 at 4:55 am
Eat shit and die, you gravy sucking pig!
October 28, 2011 at 5:09 am
Well since it’s about 900 000 degrees here right now and I cannot possibly be *arsed* to muster the energy it takes to come up with something new, I’ll just reiterate the sentiments I expressed on my last blog post at finding my one piece of white laundry shat on on the line outside:
“Some ass-fuck of a nipple-wanking bird has managed to shit-bomb my one piece of white laundry with such anus-shirvelling accuracy as to make a grown man weep. Not only that, but it is a deep, rich purple, as though this particular pest-addled plague-monster holds himself to only the highest in vegan berry standards, and refuses to eat nought but the very best in mulberry pickings. COMICALLY-SIZED, LOW-SWINGING HORSEBALLS.”
October 28, 2011 at 5:10 am
#lazierthanyou #quantityoverquality
October 28, 2011 at 5:28 am
cum guzzling sewer slut
bloody anal fischure
cunt monkey
waffle sucker
scrote-lick (from Strangers with Candy)
October 28, 2011 at 6:13 am
My dog should shit in your mouth
October 28, 2011 at 6:15 am
Dog-fisting cunt-faced codswollop
October 28, 2011 at 6:29 am
Minge head
October 28, 2011 at 6:35 am
Ish.
My great-aunt Helen was so proper she makes Miss Manners look like Snookie. Forget “golly gosh”, ish was the only swearword to pass her lips. Everything else was too strong. She saved it too. When she said “ish” the literally unspoken shit had hit the fan and huge German men ran far, far away. She died when I was a toddler and I still have such strong associations with the word that my flight instinct kicks in when my mom uses it in mild frustration.
Despite that influence, I am partial to:
Eat a bag of dicks.
Go/you/he suck(s) my nerves. (A gift from my German roommate who loved English swearwords and had a fantastic habit of confusing them into gems like that.)
Zuckerstange- German slang for “penis, literally “candy cane” or “sugar stick”
einhandsegeln-German slang for “masturbate”, literally “sailing with one (deck)hand” or “sailing alone”
Biscuits and bone gravy!
Bumfuzzle!
Hitler’s ass hair! (Graphic sampler please.)
October 28, 2011 at 11:25 am
Eat a bag of dicks is popular with my friend group, though we pretty much convert it to a single word (eaddabaggadicks) A bunch of them had been working for the local RenFaire for over a decade; when the new owner screwed them over, they quit and left a bag of candy dicks behind in their campsite.
October 28, 2011 at 7:01 am
A little ‘colourful Dutch’ for those who like the international approach…
In Dutch, lethal diseases (the more old-fashioned, the better) and genitalia are combined to form swearwords. A few of my personal favourites, with the literal translations in brackets:
Kankerhoer (cancer whore)
Vuile teringlul (dirty TB dick)
Gore tyfustrut (filthy typhus twat)
Teringlijer (TB sufferer, used for men only)
Kankerlijer (cancer sufferer, used for men only)
Kutwijf (cunt bitch)
Klerewijf (cholera bitch)
If you wish someone the very worst, you will say things like,
‘Krijg de tering‘ (Get TB), ‘Krijg de klere‘ (Get cholera), etc.
October 28, 2011 at 7:25 am
And a few more modern ones which I only just remembered:
Muts (literally, ‘woolen hat’) for ‘stupid bitch’
Doos (literally, ‘box’) for ‘stupid bitch’
In both cases, the idea is that the woman is only good for one thing: putting something in it. Muts (woolen hat) is somewhat affectionate; doos (box) is not.
October 28, 2011 at 10:49 am
Since Afrikaans is basically just the ugly red-headed step child of the West Germanic language set, we have similar affection for some of the aforementioned words- although here, if someone is a doos she or (more predominantly) he is just a cunt.
Also in Afrikaans, one can slap someone so hard as to christen the event a “Poes Klap,” which would be a “Cunt Slap.” If, however, the offender has REALLY crossed a line, he may find himself on the receiving end of a “Piele Wapper”, or a “Cock Whopper.”
October 28, 2011 at 7:19 am
One of my favorites from my youth (a part of which I saw above, but didn’t see the complete line):
Needle-dicked bug fucker!
October 28, 2011 at 11:22 am
Outrageous Fortune FTW! My kid sister’s nickname, “Ratwoman” came from that film.
October 30, 2011 at 8:10 am
I had no idea it was a film quote! Now I need to go find that
October 30, 2011 at 8:12 am
OK, just looked that up…they must have stolen that line from US (or an even earlier movie)
We were saying that way back in the mid-to-late 70s. That movie came out much later
I still have no idea how or why we came up with that…only that it was funny at the time
October 28, 2011 at 7:19 am
You’re all a bunch of
vag toting
fat shalaging
jealous cupcake snorting
lifeless phallus licking
cunt muncheritos
garbage sniffing
cooty licking
dolly hugging
trailer trashed mouthed
prolushing loosers.
And you live in the land of Bitchflippity.
Your leader is a everything above plus a
retro-muster busicut chewer
teetotaling lower mustache lover
rousing flap hoser
sweater humping
anus defying
tit flopping
queeficorn.
As I live here too, I am that stuff too. I would like to thank you for inspiring my fucking swear rant and my boyfriend for playing “most creative, random cum dumpster swears” with me. That game is also inspired by all you slags out here.
October 28, 2011 at 7:24 am
Oh, I forgot “fuck nuggleberries.”
October 28, 2011 at 7:19 am
Oh, and some colourful Chinese swearing…
‘Turtle’s egg’ for ‘bastard’ (a bit old-fashioned, but quite insulting)
‘Universal socket’ for ‘slut’ (because any type of plug will fit)
‘Public bus’ for ‘slut’ (because everyone has had a ride)
‘Broken shoe’ for ‘slut’
‘Fox spirit’ for ‘slut’
‘Stinking cunt’ for ‘bitch’
‘Big bean curd’ for ‘woman with big tits’
The Chinese equivalent of ‘go fuck youself’ is qu ni made bi, which literally translates as, ‘fuck your mother’s cunt’. There’s also ‘fuck your ancestors to the eighteenth generation’, which is a pretty big insult in a country where respect for one’s ancestors is considered paramount.
October 28, 2011 at 11:19 am
I LOVE ‘Fuck your ancestors to the eighteenth generation.’ It’s so…thorough.
October 28, 2011 at 7:40 am
Twatwaffle and cuntknuckle are my faves.
October 28, 2011 at 7:45 am
In Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series, characters exclaim, ‘Mother’s milk in a cup!’ when they’re extremely shocked or upset or disgusted. I’ve always liked that as an expression of shock. It’s a literary way of saying, ‘Well, fuck me with a broomstick!’
October 28, 2011 at 8:02 am
And finally, my favourite bit of Russian goodness:
Pee-hole dandruff! (Perhot’ podzalupnaya)
October 28, 2011 at 8:02 am
Fetus Fucker
October 28, 2011 at 8:15 am
My Dad frequently refers to people as a “wank stain”, which seems to be missing. Also…
Hairy Axe Wound.
Turd Muncher.
Gusset Nuzzler.
Cunty Bum.
October 28, 2011 at 8:51 am
How could I forget? My mother-in-law favors “gaping hatchet wound”.
October 28, 2011 at 8:34 am
I didn’t read through the comments 100% so forgive me if someone else has mentioned these:
fuck knuckle
town jizz jar (more of an insult than a cuss)
cumguzzling gutterslut
October 28, 2011 at 8:45 am
Menstruating gobbet of cow snot.
Crusty, three-day-old afterbirth of a leper’s incestuous escapades.
Congealed bucket of whale spooge.
Camel-toed cunt punter.
October 28, 2011 at 9:02 am
Cock greasing sphincter puncher
Pendulous scrotumed shit weasel
Double barreled bitch tits
Fetid surly cunt poots
Wrinkled unwashed dick bag
Fatty facial cum receptacle
Kitten raping donkey whore
Baby snatching cocksucker
Cheese lipped fuckface
Asshole juggling rim jobber
Blossom fucking phallus cowboy
Whew! My 19-y/o daughter helped me with these. This was an excellent exercise in mother-daughter bonding. Let’s go bake some cookies!
October 28, 2011 at 9:20 am
this is a good aussie insult
go fuck your boots because there is a cunt in them
October 28, 2011 at 9:31 am
~sigh~
I think HKpril has given up and left us to our own devices.
JESUS BRONC DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE CHICKEN SOUP?!?!?!
October 28, 2011 at 9:35 am
“A piece of scum like you is what happens if some crack whore is too dumb to get an abortion on time”
(I came up with this one years ago but haven’t had the chance to use it yet).
October 28, 2011 at 9:38 am
Wait – or: “A piece of scum like you is what happens if some crack whore sucks at blow jobs”
October 28, 2011 at 9:39 am
PERKELE! I haven’t laughed that hard in a while! Thank you sailer trouble player/inventer!
October 28, 2011 at 9:40 am
Penis Puffer
Dick Sniffer
Dick Lips
Your mouth is the pubes to your dick-nose and ball-eyes
Fart knocker (Classic)
Syphillated afterbirth of a lesbian cluster-fuck
October 28, 2011 at 9:48 am
How ’bout “(fucking)hobo-wedding guest Etsy forum admin”?
Or “Nickey with a ‘K’” for short?
October 28, 2011 at 9:50 am
I may have missed it among the 1,061 comments currently on this thread, but my new favorite insult, stolen from someone on this site (feel free to claim it…) is:
You worthless piece of free-range soylent green!
Twatwaffles and sheepshagging are another two that roll off the tongue nicely.
October 28, 2011 at 9:50 am
“Suck a big blue hairy donkey dick” is one of my favorites.
October 28, 2011 at 9:52 am
http://www.youswear.com/
October 28, 2011 at 9:59 am
Queef breathing crotch maggot
October 28, 2011 at 10:09 am
Just came across this little gem:
Suck on my hemorrhoids and wait for better days
October 28, 2011 at 10:15 am
Cum Crusted Cock Holster
Double Dipped Douche Nozzle in a Yeast Infected Cunt
Sperm Burping Thunder Cunt
And of course my personal favorite.
You are about as useful as a Etsy Admin.
October 28, 2011 at 11:02 am
I shall be dubbing every second in-law a Sperm Burping Thunder Cunt as far as I go at my sister’s wedding this December. For giving me that, I thank you from the bottom of my soul or my daiquiri, but probably my daiquiri.
October 28, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Anytime and it was probably the daiquiri, dont you know regretsians dont have souls. Please film the looks on the new in laws faces.
October 28, 2011 at 10:16 am
‘Twathorse’. I use it liberally* but it has never caught on.
*Twice in the past five years.
October 28, 2011 at 10:22 am
eat shit, you afterbirth stain.
And, being from Kansas, I like to call people Grade-A, corn-fed bitches.
October 28, 2011 at 10:25 am
Fucking worthless gob of crotch spackle.
October 28, 2011 at 10:33 am
Cheesy frozen french fry Spam purse casserole
October 28, 2011 at 10:49 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 28, 2011 at 10:54 am
Has anyone mentioned Billy Mack’s wonderful cluster bomb?
“Oh! Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!”
God bless us, everyone. It’s even that time of year again; bust out the Love Actually DVDs and drink until you lose the ability to scoff at it loftily, and also to stand unaided. Wait, just me?
October 28, 2011 at 11:17 am
Assbasket
Bag O’ Dicks/DickBag
MonkeyScrote
Cockmaster Flash
Spankasaurus Rex (ok, this is a character name I’m using in Fallout 3, but it works)
HairySweatyBallsack
TitWeasel
Dickmonkey
Fucktarded
Wankmeister
Bag of Fuck
(What in the) Blazing Monkey Fuck
Cockweasel
Fucknugget
You Utter Cunt
Cockbandit
Sucktacular
Falalalaluck
Jizzmonster
Fuckwit
Sweet merciful fuckmonkeys
…and these are just the ones I use on a regular basis. If someone pisses me off later, I’ll be sure to jot down what comes out of my mouth.
Another good resource is http://bettermyths.blogspot.com The kid has a knack for creative profanity. PussNexus is one of my favorite new words thanks to him.
October 28, 2011 at 11:37 am
Oh yeah!
Cockmonger
Clusterfuck(ery) Also, when describing opponents, Cluster vs Fuck, or in polite company, FusterCluck
Titbags
Wank Machine
Dick Patrol
JizzFlip
GiantsmellysweatyCOCK (one word)
I have issues.
October 28, 2011 at 11:22 am
Fuckster
is
pithy.
October 28, 2011 at 11:47 am
mutant cooter!
petri-cooch!
frog balls!
booger biter!
hemorrhoid eating fire ant!
fusty!
dank!
belch-rattling twisty-tail!
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
October 28, 2011 at 11:55 am
The best thing I ever said, “And you… you need to shut your cum guzzling cock holster!” Loved it.
October 28, 2011 at 11:56 am
Oh, and don’t forget twat waffle.
October 28, 2011 at 12:16 pm
1. Reject from a Mongolian clusterfuck
2. Maggot muncher
3. Ass-jackal
4. Cock-holster
5. Cum drunk slut
October 28, 2011 at 12:42 pm
I’m jumping in at the tail end here – but my favorite is “pencil-dicked monkey-fucker” – sort of rolls off the tongue doesn’t it? Lots of hard consonants and fricatives (which only SOUNDS dirty, btw).
Also, I used to refer to one of the boss’s toadies as a “hairy little queef”
October 28, 2011 at 12:43 pm
Mongolian gang-raped afterbirth face; vaginal blood fart, puss-filled prick of misery and goddamn motherfucking sonofabitching asshole are some of my favorites.
October 28, 2011 at 1:06 pm
fuck a duck
October 28, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Cream-filled twat guano
spotty dicked douche-icorn
Poodle fucking uncle of a hobo’s nutsack
Satan’s dryhump
October 28, 2011 at 1:08 pm
You syphilitic boil on a weasel’s ass.
October 28, 2011 at 1:15 pm
Motherfucking cuntlick bitch ass fucking snot shitting butt licking toe sucking pile of vomit fucks clitoris clam juice fart headed knocker dick swab needle nosed hairy fuck juice beast semen drip rag bloody twat finger fucked fistule of phlegm.
October 28, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Insults (all of which I’ve used):
Grade A Prime Choice Bull Shit Spewer
Son of a lily liveried codpiece
Spunk licking neanderthal
yellow-bellied coward
Best movie Quotes:
“There is a name for you, ladies, but it isn’t used in high society… outside of a kennel.”-The Woman
“Shut that cunts mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head!”-The Way of the Gun
October 28, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Crotchtastic cunt twaffle.
October 28, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Another one,this one is from my father.. He actually told this to a AOL telemarketer a long time ago..
Go suck the maggots out of a dead hookers cunt.. Still brings a tear of pride to mine eyes…
October 28, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Jesus Cunt-Punching Christ on a studded dildo
God fucking shit-whore piss up a rope and suck my ass through a twisty-straw
By the strangled-to-retardation glory of Christ gagging on smegma and visceral chunks from his mother’s bloody cunt-fart
October 28, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Brace banger (gigolos shout out! Pretty insulting)
Cuntastic spooge blob
Snatch casket
Rabid cum gurgling beaver
Pubic squirrel
Crusty douchenozzle
YOUR MOM
Beef curtains au jus
One nut wonder (actually knew someone with this nickname)
And a nod to my childhood… Damn damn double damn shit fuck screw, abba dabba eat shit! Ooh! Fuck you!
Sorry if I repeated any!
October 28, 2011 at 2:53 pm
I have no full epithets to contribute, but if I may leave these words at your doorstep?
feague: v. to place ginger up a horse’s fundament, in order to make him “carry his tail more lively”‘
uzzard: n. a third-generation bastard; a bastard by a bastard out of a bastard
October 28, 2011 at 2:55 pm
For Halloween I give you:
Cunt Dracula or Cunt Spankula
Werewhore
Snaggle toothed Ass-o-Lantern
Undead Meth Head
“Drag Me to Hell”
Death choking on a cracker
4 Horseman burrito
Pestilence in pants
“Frankenhooker”- don’t watch this movie…it’s bad.
October 28, 2011 at 2:59 pm
Cockgoblin
Weinershitzel
October 28, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Dickmitten!
October 28, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Budgerigar.
October 28, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Maggot Mouthed Queef Sucker
October 28, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Once when something just ridiculous happened, I blurted out “What the blazing orgyballs is going on?!?”
October 28, 2011 at 4:58 pm
This isn’t creative cursing but it is a way to call someone a whore, my dad used this describing a girl too sluty to work at a bar (apparently it is possible)
He said that if she had as many dicks sticking out of her as she had sticking in her, she’d look like a porcupine.
October 28, 2011 at 5:11 pm
I’m a fan of cock-bending cooze bellows, myself
October 28, 2011 at 5:27 pm
My personal favorites are Fucktard and Asshat
October 28, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Arse-faced twat-sniffer.
Syphillitic hell-harlot.
October 28, 2011 at 5:31 pm
I’ve just always liked “scabby vulva.” Gross and to the point!
October 28, 2011 at 5:42 pm
From the master of all filth Mr Malcolm Tucker in ‘The Thick Of It’…
“…like being fucked by Ron Jeremy but without the compassion”
or from his mini-me Jamie
“You take the piss out of Al Jolson again and I will remove your iPod from its tiny nano-sheath and push it up your cock! Then I’ll put some speakers up your arse and put it on shuffle with my fucking fist. And every time I hear something that I don’t like, which will be every time that something comes on, I will skip to the next track by crushing your balls!”
Please. Watch this programme. Swearing becomes a thing of beauty.
October 28, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Lollygagging. My all time favorite word that sounds dirty but isn’t.
October 28, 2011 at 7:37 pm
Swearing is so much more fun in other languages. Here is a sampling of Spanish.
Hijo de punta (son of bitch)
Huevon (lazy, stupid person)
Cabron (dick, fucker)
Chinga (fuck)
chingo (a fuckload)
October 30, 2011 at 8:46 am
hijo de PUTA
sorry, just helping lob a good one so as not to defuse the insult.
don’t want to be a son of a point…
October 28, 2011 at 9:38 pm
Foxy Love says it better than I ever could:
October 28, 2011 at 9:39 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFrpDhtrVLE
obviously I can’t embed for shit.
October 28, 2011 at 9:40 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFrpDhtrVLE
October 28, 2011 at 9:39 pm
I like “slunt” it sounds filthy and is nicely descriptive.
October 28, 2011 at 10:33 pm
The best insult I have ever heard:
“You little shit licker, you are one cunt hair away from hillbilly heaven.”
Anyway, if you really want to swear, go Romanian. I used to live with a gypsy:
inecate-ai cu sperma lu’ tac-tu!
= choke with your dad’s sperm
du-te-n pizda ma-tii! = go back in your mother’s cunt
fută-tie dumniezo = May God fuck you
October 29, 2011 at 9:43 am
Sugar plum fuck-face potato sack head.
October 29, 2011 at 10:07 am
subdick – as in, having a penis the size, shape and consistency of the bread used to make a Subway sandwich.
October 29, 2011 at 10:08 am
My all-time favorite:
Oozing cuntscab!!
October 30, 2011 at 8:37 am
…and would that be cunt’s cab or cunt scab? I’m totalling calling the NYC taxi driverswhocutmeoff “You cuntscab!” and let them figure it out. That’ll learn ‘em cuttin’meoffwhiletalkingontheirstoopidbluetooths(teeth?)
October 29, 2011 at 10:44 am
Hi all.
My family frequently says “Needledick Bugfucker.”
I’m also a big fan of the Lemony Snicket insult, “Cakesniffer.”
October 29, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Buggering cunt flaps?
October 29, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Shizznack!
Jizzmonkey
waffle ass
cross-eyed son of a wall-eyed bitch
And for a little international fun: YOU TURTLE!
If I remember correctly, it’s a Chinese insult that at the same time calls someone a bastard, says their mother is such a whore she doesn’t know who their father is, and calls them worthless.
October 29, 2011 at 4:44 pm
Shart gardner.
October 29, 2011 at 5:19 pm
cum bubbling elf
October 29, 2011 at 5:57 pm
I stole this from an ex and I’m keeping it:
cock-knocking jizz wizard
It really rolls off the tongue. Other favourites include “son of a motherless goat” (stolen from The Three Amigos), “douche whistle”, and “sweet chocolate jesus on a mile-high pogo stick”.
October 29, 2011 at 9:17 pm
A little late to the party but I found a very appropriate chart posted on another site…Thought I’d share.
http://www.tastefullyoffensive.com/2011/10/shakespeare-insult-kit.html
I also use “Son of a motherless goat!”
October 30, 2011 at 1:26 am
“…Thou dick-brandishing ass bandit!”
October 30, 2011 at 8:32 am
my fave thing to call my sister: big green donkey dick
October 30, 2011 at 8:39 am
swamp fart,
swamp shits as in ‘I got the swamp shits but ba-a-a-ad today…’
October 30, 2011 at 8:47 am
My favorite swear was always “dickhole christmas.”
October 30, 2011 at 3:19 pm
pussy snot
(i spent the day with my mother and this just sort of came to me…oy vey)
October 30, 2011 at 4:15 pm
lemon-scented douche
Christ on a cracker
Sweet salty molasses!
Stars and garters!
By my soft and supple foreskin, what is going on?
October 30, 2011 at 8:13 pm
My brain has become so inundated with the words “shit,” “fuck,” and “ass” that all three managed to slip into a conversation at work. I work in a nursing home and one sweet old lady damn near had a heart attack.
So let’s dial it back a bit, shall we?
-Fuddy-duddy
-Poopaloo
-Cockatiel
JUST KIDDING
Chode-chomping, glitter-vag’d, pumperfuckle assicles!
October 30, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Most of these just sound like compliments, to me.
December 20, 2011 at 7:43 pm
Fuck trophy
Cum dumpster
Cock jockey
Cum-gargling cock-juggler