Finnish Line
All right, it’s getting down to the wire over here.
We’re in the last week of assembling this book so we can send it to the publisher and get it delivered to you by Thanksgiving.
Posting may be sporadic the next few days, so bear with me.
In the meantime, here is a sneak peek of a piece of art in the book, created by Regretsy regular Christina Tom (who you may remember as the winner of this contest). This is her illustration for the chapter called, “Food and Drink of Finland.”
I don’t know what else to say about this, except that she swears those are cookies. Maybe it’s a Finnish term.
If you want to buy a book or any of the extra rewards we had made up for Kickstarter, you can get them here. There are probably only about 20 books left and just a handful of everything else, so if you see something you want, get it soon.
Remember, “Myöhäistä itkeä kun on kakat housuissa!”
*There’s no point in crying after you’ve shit your pants
October 24, 2011 at 1:31 pm
I was about to get up for a snack. My fat ass thanks that illustration for the appetite kill.
October 24, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Personally, this got me craving for some vulva cakes.
October 24, 2011 at 1:42 pm
It’s the flies over the heads on a platter. That’s what did me in.
October 24, 2011 at 2:36 pm
And the tortured expression on the fish’s face XD Bon appetit! Perkele! XD
October 24, 2011 at 3:29 pm
I like the dish on our left, fending off the lady, with a spoon…
October 24, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Are they vulva cakes or bajingo buns? (And don’t both sound like fucked-up terms of endearment?)
October 24, 2011 at 4:41 pm
They could be vag-biscuits also. Great delicacy.
October 24, 2011 at 6:51 pm
No no, they’re Cuntbiscuits! They go nicely with twatwaffles for breakfast.
October 25, 2011 at 1:07 am
They’re Karjalan piirakkas (Karelian pies): sustaining little rye pastries usually filled with a potato and rice porridge. Every year thousands are eaten at a grand Finnish celebration of the death of Dr. Atkins.
The piirakka really is that shape, and the well-made piirakka should also be lightly forked along the edges to create a pleasing rippled effect.
October 25, 2011 at 9:18 am
October 25, 2011 at 9:19 am
October 24, 2011 at 4:59 pm
I would be on board with that, moreso than babe, honey, schnookums..whatever normal people call each other. Vulva cakes would earn a mister a sandwich (not made by me, I don’t go for that kitchen shit) I think it’s just nice to give the delivery menu.
October 24, 2011 at 5:12 pm
I suppose they could be bajingos, but I’m seeing them as reindeer hoof pastries.
October 24, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Oh, hell, it would take way more than that to kill my appetite. I’ve watched “Dirty Jobs,” “Bizarre Foods,” and had conversations about all kinds of nasty things while I’m eating. Never stops me.
October 24, 2011 at 1:56 pm
And the odd thing is, I’m actually moderately squeamish. But when it comes to food . . . ah, nothing gets between us. <3
October 24, 2011 at 5:53 pm
I read Regretsy while I’m eating. Enough said.
October 25, 2011 at 11:14 pm
Wait, doesn’t everyone? Although I pretty much am eating all the time, so I guess I eat while I’m doing anything.
October 25, 2011 at 6:30 pm
So, you have a kid, then?
Mine did me the favor of utterly desensitizing me to poop talk during dinner. Or any other time.
Trivia for the night: the phrase, “Eatin’ DOODY!!!” is the most hilarious thing a seven-year-old can ever hear, apparently. And repeat a zillion times. Per hour.
October 24, 2011 at 6:31 pm
I like the sliced thing with grubs coming out of it which at first looked like a beasty with clenched teeth smoking a jaunty cigar.
October 24, 2011 at 1:31 pm
If I had a clue how to pronounce Myöhäistä itkeä kun on kakat housuissa!, I would say it at least once a day. Awesomeness. And cookies? riiiigggghhhhttt…
October 24, 2011 at 1:33 pm
No wonder they are always drunk.
October 24, 2011 at 6:32 pm
You would only eat that sort of thing at 4am after drinking a box of wine smuggled into a club (god only knows how) and kept under a table at the back of the room…not that I have knowledge of such things.
October 24, 2011 at 1:33 pm
I like how the “food” in the rectangular dish to the left is holding a spoon.
October 24, 2011 at 1:38 pm
I swear that stuff is mämmi. And for all you non-finners, that’s edible (?) albeit less appetising dog shit. A good ol’ fashioned easter treat!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%A4mmi
October 24, 2011 at 1:45 pm
I’ll see your mämmi and raise you Hákarl: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H%C3%A1karl
October 24, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Well played.
October 24, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Both those things disturb me greatly, and as someone of Chinese descent, we eat some weird shit.
Here’s a question: Seriously what does mammi taste like? I’ve seen it referenced in several places and while I agree it looks like shit, that doesn’t mean it tastes like shit. Heck, Japan has “toilet restaurants” where they serve chocolate ice cream in toilet bowls.
October 24, 2011 at 1:59 pm
I have it yearly, and oddly enough, at times I crave it. Mämmi itself is just.. well, it feels like peanut putter on the roof of your mouth, and it just tastes like rye flour. You’d have to be insane to eat it without a large helping of cream and sugar. But you could pour cream and sugar on anything and make it decent..
It tastes better than it looks – but not by too much.
October 24, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Me again!
Why are disgusting things called delicacies?
Acquired taste? That means it tasted like shit until you got used to it sucking so bad! /rant
October 24, 2011 at 6:33 pm
I was told recently of a Nordic dish that involves puffins stuffed into a seal skin and left to ferment…tell me it isn’t true?!
October 24, 2011 at 6:45 pm
Good to know, I guess. Doesn’t sound that bad (kind of like coffee to me – screw having it strong and black, pass the cream and sugar)
@ I_Choo_Choo
Because they’re rare/hard to make/not everything is disgusting to everyone. For example…I love fish heads. They’re hard to come by normally, since most people think they’re gross, but a good stewed fish head…the eyes are soft and have a little hard lens that’s fun to chew, the head meat is a delicacy because it’s the most exercised part (and there’s not much on a fish).
Another thing is Jajyangmyan (the Korean spelling) – it’s noodles with this salty black meat-and-bean paste. It looks eerily like chunky mammi but is delicious.
October 24, 2011 at 9:16 pm
@PooJah Yes that is a real food. I saw it on the travel channel with the bald guy.
October 24, 2011 at 2:20 pm
How desperate to eat do you have to be to eat rancid shark? And how did it not qualify as rock-bottom?
October 24, 2011 at 4:02 pm
It’s basically poisonous because it has piss for blood!?
Yeah, there’d have to be a pretty bad famine for people to start testing ways to make THAT safe to eat.
Now I know why basking sharks make that face- they’re constantly on the verge of dryheaving from their own stench, HAH!
October 24, 2011 at 9:44 pm
There are a number of foods, even in our culture, that I wonder how desperate someone would have to have been originally to even try to eat it. I recently bought a whole coconut and nearly went mad trying to get the damn thing out of its shell. If I were a polynesian tribal woman, I think I would have given up wondering if the thing was edible once I got through the fibrous husk and found the hard shell.
October 25, 2011 at 10:46 am
I have often wondered about the origins of many foods – lobsters look like giant cockroaches to me. I read that lobsters were once considered garbage food fit only for indentured servants.
October 25, 2011 at 12:22 pm
The shark is poisonous so it was buried on the beach for a few months for the “poison” to wear out and then it was eaten. In February there is a fest in Iceland when people gather around to eat Hákarl, smoked sheepheads, dried fish, fat of a whale, fins of seals, smoked sheeplegs & testicles of sheeprams.
The people there barely got by so they used everything they could for food, that includes lungsoups and sheepbrainsoups
October 24, 2011 at 2:49 pm
Is Hákarl like ljutefisk? It actually sounds worse, which I didn;t think was possible.
October 24, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Don’t bring the Swedes into this. We actually have edible food.
October 24, 2011 at 6:15 pm
Having tried your salty licorice, I politely disagree.
October 24, 2011 at 6:34 pm
I dunno the meatballs at Ikea are pretty good.
October 24, 2011 at 6:45 pm
It’s worse. So much worse.
October 24, 2011 at 6:51 pm
if the Swedish version of lutefisk is anything like the Norwegian version, there’s nothing edible about it. blergh.
October 25, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Icelandic tales say that men pissed also on the Hákarl to make it stronger…I dont really want to know if this is actually true…
October 25, 2011 at 6:32 pm
Well, sure, but they walk on lava in Iceland, too.
October 24, 2011 at 1:37 pm
I’ve got my eye on that satanic cake… Mmm…
October 24, 2011 at 1:39 pm
I kind of want those cookies.
October 24, 2011 at 1:39 pm
I don’t know what that dark (chocolatey?) stuff holding the spoon is, but I want some. Seems like a good challenge.
October 24, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Don’t, even a lot of native Finns can’t stand it.
October 24, 2011 at 6:36 pm
I want to know if it is offering up the spoon so you can use it to eat it with or attempting to fend you off using the spoon as a weapon?
October 24, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Thanksgiving was two weeks ago, so now I will pout until you damned Americans catch up.
Also, I’m unsure of eating cookies now.
October 24, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Just purchased a book and 2 cards. Hmmm..
I may be too sober to see where I could put names for personalization on the cards..
One for Kriste and one for me please, Brenda
October 24, 2011 at 1:42 pm
While you’re in Finland, make sure you eat a severed animal head for me! Or some of the tasty-looking fetuses! Mmmmm….
October 24, 2011 at 1:42 pm
I studied abroad in Finland from January to June this year. A lot of that food is legit…
The bottom right has some “monk” buns and various karelian pies. Those are awesome.
The left black slop is Mämmi, a rough black pudding which thankfully I never tried.
Now the stuff in the middle, with eyeballs and shit.. no fucking clue about that nightmare.
October 24, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Food with inner life!
Helen, have any of the pill boxes shipped yet? My dad just broke his, and of course he’ll get a brand new WTF one as soon as I get them, lol.
October 24, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Helen, you’ve got the prude version of the saying. I’d definently say: “Myöhäistä itkeä kun on paskat housuissa”.
Some grammar:
Kakka = poop
Kakat = poops (plural)
Paska = shit
Paskat = shits (plural)
So, actually you already have several shits in your pants. Definently no point crying.
And I swear the god – just yesterday I was playing Alias with some acquintances in a bar and one of them told us how he one day in a terrible hangover shit his pants just when he was about to pay his groceries. And then he paid them. That’s a funny story here in Finland. At least he didn’t cry.
October 24, 2011 at 2:30 pm
I’ll cry for him and all of Finland.
October 24, 2011 at 2:56 pm
That’s a funny story anywhere.
October 24, 2011 at 4:13 pm
I LOVE shit stories! More! More!
While we were separated my husband met someone from a dating site for coffee on a weekend morning. His passenger door froze shut because he’d been to the carwash just prior, so she got in the back door & slid over the seat. Showing him dried shit on her crack area of her jeans. Clearly soaking through from inside & not sat upon, and clearly not menstrual blood but definitely poop. Six years later he still mentions it & wonders WTF! How did she manage to not only shit herself, but then just not notice, or forget, and put the same pants on again in the morning?
October 24, 2011 at 10:54 pm
Thank you Jenilii – Regretsy comments often make me laugh, but for some reason this last paragraph had me laughing until there were tears (they might even have been glittery) I read further, came back and laughed until I cried a second time. I am either a really sick bitch taking joy in the misfortunes of others or..well…no, I guess that about sums it up.
October 24, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Is… Is that a penis?
October 24, 2011 at 3:41 pm
Finally, someone else spotted that! An uncircumcised, dismembered member! Yum!
October 24, 2011 at 6:46 pm
Your icon makes that comment perfect.
October 24, 2011 at 9:49 pm
Yes it is.
October 24, 2011 at 11:06 pm
And don’t they want that for the display in Iceland?
October 24, 2011 at 2:16 pm
You’ve just won me over with this illustration, gotta find my card..
October 24, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Please tell me you’re planning to bring an extra suitcase full of American food.
October 24, 2011 at 9:50 pm
No way. You have to try every horrible thing over there and take at least three bites before you decide you don’t like it.
October 24, 2011 at 3:16 pm
I must second the opinion further up that all the food depicted relates to a real Finnish, er, delicacy. My Finnish mother-in-law was a dairy farmer, which added another layer of horror to the table … bovine internal organs which should have remained internal, to say nothing of the Karelian starch sandwiches.
October 24, 2011 at 3:56 pm
What are the huge maggot things around the spiny fish?
October 24, 2011 at 3:57 pm
And… is one of the maggots getting away from the half a black bowling ball?
October 24, 2011 at 7:13 pm
I think that’s actually some kind of cheese, though I’m too afraid to Google it to find out.
October 25, 2011 at 3:12 am
Kalakukko
October 25, 2011 at 9:54 am
From Wikipedia: The filling consists of fish, pork and bacon, and is seasoned with salt (unless the pork is already salted). After being baked for several hours, kalakukko looks much like a large loaf of rye bread. If prepared correctly, all the bones of the fish inside it have softened and the filling is moist as all the meat and fish juices have been cooked inside the bread.
1. Fish + pork + bacon ≠ Anything I’m going to eat
—Fish? GOOD
—Pork with or without bacon? GOOD
—Bacon (Seriously? You have to ask?)
2. Fish + pork + bacon + liquified fish bones + “MOIST”? And we’re slipping further down that slippery slope of indigestibles.
October 25, 2011 at 2:12 pm
I really like that stuff. It’s good. I prefer the version with rutabagas instead of fish, but it’s a really nice food.
Karelian pastries are also good, and only after seeing them on regretsy did I realize what you might think of the shape.
Mämmi, also, while looking like shit, is pretty tasty. But I understand, based on the taste too, why someone might dislike it.
The eyeballs and worms though, I think, are just added to make it creepier. On the other hand, I think I saw some cuisine with eyeballs in a TV program from some other country…
The cow tongue there is an actual cuisine too (though I bet that at least is eaten in other countries too?). It’s tasty with brown cream sauce.
October 25, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Many different countries and ethnicities have food that others might not want to touch. Before they were expensive escargot, I was eating snails in a garlic-tomato sauce that my grandmother made. Haven’t eaten them in any sauce since I was 6. WON’T eat them in any way anyhow.
Cow tongue is classic deli Jewish fare. I’m not Jewish, but/and love it. Not easy to open the pot and see a giant tongue poking out at you, but it’s so tasty once it’s cooked and sliced up.
October 25, 2011 at 6:42 pm
I… I think I might actually love kalakukko! Based on the description, anyway. I must attempt to make it– need to find rye flour.
Hey– any of the native Regretsy Finns have a favorite recipe this adventurous (foolhardy) American chick can inflict upon her unsuspecting family?
October 24, 2011 at 4:37 pm
My vote is for grubs. They look just like things I dig up when gardening (and want to kill since they are bad for the lawn). On the positive side, the Robins & Mockingbirds seem to find the delicious.
October 24, 2011 at 11:08 pm
When grubs and maggots run away from food, so do I.
October 24, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Even though I’m a Finn I didn’t recognise most of these. Oh, well. I’m so young.
Karelian pastries are so good and after you’ve eaten those your whole life you just kinda ignore that they slightly look like vaginas.
Mämmi looks like shit but I actually like it a lot, especially with milk! It’s my guilty pleasure at every Easter because all of my friends hate it.
October 24, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Remember: Nobody cries for the dead turds.
October 24, 2011 at 3:40 pm
but what about the sawn in half edible that appears to be smoking a joint?
October 25, 2011 at 9:24 am
October 24, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Her smile scares the Mammi out of me.
October 24, 2011 at 4:21 pm
I am not able to see this photo. I don’t think it’s me because I can see the older posts. Is anyone else having the same problem?
All the comments have a unique charm, though, when you’ve gotta use your imagination to picture what everyone’s talking about.
October 24, 2011 at 4:24 pm
I have that problem on Explorer, but I just HAD to go over to Firefox and try it there. Just had to. Lucky me, I could see all of it. Not planning on eating for the rest of my life.
October 24, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Aha, common problem. You see, you actually CAN see the photo. Your brain has rejected the possibility that the things in it can actually exist, and therefore every time you look at it, it immediately erases that section of your visual memory.
October 24, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Today during my animation class my instructor showed us a short interview with April’s dad talking about his work on Winnie the Pooh. That made me think of her story about leaving little notes for him everywhere, which made me think about how my own dad is getting old. Now I’m the weird girl that cries at Tigger.
Thanks, April.
October 24, 2011 at 5:39 pm
I was going to say, “If only all Etsy creators could draw this well,” but then I realized there would be no Regretsy.
October 24, 2011 at 6:22 pm
I was on the fence about ordering a copy of the book, since I have a *mild* book addiction. I live in a pretty dinky loft, so have worked hard at curbing the habit so I don’t become one of those crazy ladies with metric tonnes of TV guides from 50 years ago.
This illustration however, broke me and I just ordered a copy.
Willpower fail.
October 24, 2011 at 11:13 pm
Most appropriate username for a particular post EVER.
October 25, 2011 at 4:06 am
Its origin: http://www.regretsy.com/2010/01/21/not-kosher-nsfw/
October 25, 2011 at 8:45 am
WAIT—you have TV Guides from 50 years ago???? Are you willing to sell???????
October 24, 2011 at 6:26 pm
I’m amusing myself reading about Finnish food here: http://www.dlc.fi/~marian1/gourmet/gl_finn.htm
Trying to find a word with more than 5 “k’s” – hiekkakakku
Stay away from the soup!!
Goose Blood Soup – “The soup is left to mature for about five to seven days before eating.” Mature.
nakkikastike – wiener sauce
October 24, 2011 at 7:48 pm
Don’t forget rancid shark meat from Iceland. GAK!
October 24, 2011 at 7:32 pm
Why is it always vag-cakes and count-cupcakes and labia cookies? Where’s the Cock-cheesecake? Where’s the Giant raging Boner biscuits? The horse hung tarts? Not enough dick, too much wombyn power!
October 24, 2011 at 7:34 pm
cunt, not “count” autocorrect is now on my computer? FUCK!
October 25, 2011 at 9:29 am
October 24, 2011 at 9:30 pm
I’m okay with more edible dick products, as long as you’re sure it’s a cock-cheesecake and not, y’know… A cockcheese-cake.
October 24, 2011 at 10:04 pm
Hear, hear!
October 24, 2011 at 7:46 pm
What, no chopped placental afterbirth? Served on good rye bread!
October 24, 2011 at 7:50 pm
This is WAYYYYYYYYYY off topis, but I had to post it for all you fat jealous fuckers:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfcNoMnKjrY&feature=player_embedded
October 24, 2011 at 8:02 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTpUVAcvWfU
October 24, 2011 at 9:32 pm
Funny, that’s what Laurie Notaro calls them..
October 24, 2011 at 9:50 pm
Carp diem, April!
October 24, 2011 at 10:57 pm
I haven’t the strength to read ALL of the previous comments, but I must just say that I absolutely love this.
The artist deserves everything in the world.
Also, I want an explanation on that white plinth-cake thing on the left side with the single black candle, and I mean toot sweet!
It’s obviously satanic, but is there something more to it?
October 25, 2011 at 3:43 am
It appears to be a Satanist cheesecake (or you can, more conventionally, have it at Easter, with a red candle and fewer Baphomets). It’s got candied peel and almonds and stuff in it. It’s actually pretty decent.
The only thing that would improve this picture is if the background included a frozen lake, with happy, drunken, naked Finns running from a sauna to hurl themselves through the broken ice. Finland is the only country I know of that ran a national health campaign specifically to stop people from doing this.
October 24, 2011 at 11:11 pm
The reddish penisy thing next to the heads…is that a geoduck?
October 24, 2011 at 11:11 pm
I think the pickled squid back there is still alive!
October 24, 2011 at 11:24 pm
Also: booze on the sill! BOOZE!
October 25, 2011 at 12:20 pm
booze and paint thinner!
October 25, 2011 at 3:07 am
Jaloviina! Kossu! Salmari! <3 Now you made me thirsty. Have to run to Alko…
October 25, 2011 at 6:34 am
chicken(?) fetus, grubs, eyeballs, angler-fish, brains(?) and dipping sauces…then the flies around the fish and goat(?) heads…I had to stop there…
wait…squid in the jar-o?
DAMN, I can’t wait to get my hands on this monstrosity of a book!!!
October 25, 2011 at 6:58 am
So Christina TOM is illustrating the FINLAND cover? My mind went …
October 26, 2011 at 2:02 am
I am desperately trying to work Tom of Finland into the last illustration as one more gratuitous reference. No promises, though.
October 25, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Wow, Bajingo Biscuits! I remember when my Mom would bring these home after a night of tricks and treats. Mostly tricks.
Made from real Bajingos!
October 25, 2011 at 7:39 pm
That Can’t be Finland. There isn’t enough alcohol in the illustration.
October 25, 2011 at 9:44 pm
It’s in the people so that they’ll eat the stuff.
October 26, 2011 at 8:41 am
When you ask for a Bear Claw in Finland for breakfast, that’s exactly what you get.