The Miracle Bajingo Shoehorn™
“A staggering 55% of women, irrespective of age, size or weight, experience camel toe at some point.”
“Many women have even gone to extreme lengths to rectify the camel toe problem, resorting to expensive and risky surgery.”
“Now thanks to the Smooth Groove camel toe remedy, all women can get on with their lives without having to worry about how they look.”
“After all, being a woman is hard enough and having a Smooth Groove in your underwear drawer will make it just that little bit easier!”
Well thank God, is all I can say. Thank God someone is looking out for women in a positive, empowering, Occupy My Walls kind of way. Because being a woman is some seriously tough shit.
There’s the threat of sexual violence, the fashion industry imposing an impossible standard of beauty, fighting for equal compensation and opportunity in the workplace and trying to keep your giant, sloppy vagina from unravelling in your pants like a loose bragioli.
Fortunately for us gals, there’s the Miracle Polymer Clam Smoothie™. Now you can shove a $30 piece of plastic in your thong, stand up in front of your male counterparts and make that important presentation, without worrying that everyone is gawking at that engorged, rubbery poon of yours.
YOUR COOTER IS TOO BIG TO FAIL
Get your own Miracle Mound Snapper Spackle™ here
October 19, 2011 at 12:12 pm
And all this time, I thought I had to buy bigger pants!
October 19, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Yeah, I mean, here I am, wearing pants that fit, and all I had to do was jam a hard piece of plastic down there? I am so IN.
October 19, 2011 at 1:15 pm
I love that they promote wearing one UNDER A BATHING SUIT. Yes, that will be both comfortable and attractive and have no potential to be hugely embarassing. Much better than just buying a bathing suit that doesn’t ride up your lady canal in the first place!
October 19, 2011 at 10:00 pm
But that’s cheating, using logic like that. We don’t all have logic you know.
October 20, 2011 at 8:13 am
Can I wear it with my C-string?
October 19, 2011 at 3:40 pm
I’m gonna wait ’til they come out with a push-up version.
October 19, 2011 at 4:58 pm
or popout *nods vigorously*
October 19, 2011 at 6:28 pm
October 19, 2011 at 6:49 pm
So wait, I’m confused. I get that there’s a ridiculous expectation of my lady parts here, but am I supposed to have a smooth Barbie-like plastic surface or a giant bifurcated pair of arachnid chelicerae down south?
And where does the New Pink Button go if I have plastic bits over my fleshy bits?
October 20, 2011 at 11:20 am
Better yet, it looks like there’s a paisley weiner stencilled on the inside so it’s right next to your bajingo. Who needs a dyed pink HooHa when you can have a batiked snausage on a plastic rag next to yer stuff?
October 21, 2011 at 6:54 am
In my opinion, the “cougar” cup should be named moose knuckle…
October 19, 2011 at 12:26 pm
No no, clearly camel toe is some kind of disease. This disturbing condition can afflict any woman, regardless of age, weight, racial status, number of children had, or gender (wait a minute…)
I’m wondering what she’s planning on to cute the nefarious “wedgie” virus that she obviously also has in those white pants…
October 19, 2011 at 12:29 pm
I was going to comment on the dangerous wedgie she had. Me thinks it’s time to wear some different pants or stop wearing them like Mom Jeans!
October 19, 2011 at 12:38 pm
A disease, that makes sense–I can hardly wait for the bumper stickers and rubber wrist bands and “Support Our Snatches” t-shirts.
October 19, 2011 at 1:57 pm
I think we should make those anyway.
October 19, 2011 at 5:16 pm
yes. SOS.
October 19, 2011 at 2:38 pm
Since pink is already taken what color are the ribbons? A camel/beige or perhaps that nifty B&W pattern?
October 19, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Pink is for Breast Cancer. I think the beige recommendation is the best, there doesn’t appear to be anyone using that color.
October 19, 2011 at 6:34 pm
No one’s jumped on the mauve or puce bandwagons.
October 20, 2011 at 2:33 am
Perhaps we should tie it in with reading comprehension.
October 20, 2011 at 8:53 am
Are you thinking something like “Read my twat, not new taxes?”
October 24, 2011 at 11:03 pm
“No waxation without twat representation!”
October 19, 2011 at 12:50 pm
It IS.a diseases…didn’t you hear her when she said ‘even women who havent experienced camel toe themselves either knew someone who had, or noticed it in other people.’
It’s a fucking epidemic, ladies!
I can just see the fb support status posts now….
October 19, 2011 at 3:17 pm
It’ll go around like those stupid chain letters,
LADIES, it’s support camel toe awareness month! If you were born in an odd-numbered month, put, “I LOVE DROMEDARIES!” as your status, and if you were born in an even-numbered month, write “I LOVE BACTRIANS!” Remember, DON’T TELL THE MENFOLK! Let’s see just how much we can confuse ‘em this time! HEHE!
I’m a little afraid of myself now, it sounds too close to the…ah…”real” thing.
October 19, 2011 at 3:52 pm
They also state that an alternative to potentially embarrassing Miracle Polymer Clam Smoothie™ sighting is a surgery. So now we can surgically remove cameltoe?! Why bother buying that plastic stuff?
October 19, 2011 at 4:26 pm
October 19, 2011 at 1:00 pm
Men can have this problem too, it’s called Moose Knuckle.
October 19, 2011 at 1:08 pm
I prefer the term Wolf Knuckle more. It just provides so much more of a confusing imagery.
October 19, 2011 at 3:05 pm
Makes it sound hairier for sure. I like it!
October 19, 2011 at 7:36 pm
Moose knuckle frightens me. A few of the guys at a local wrestling show prefer not to wear cups, and it isn’t a pretty sight. I’d rather they be naked and wagging freely than that. o_o;
October 19, 2011 at 10:33 pm
Naked does have the advantage of a much longer tradition in wrestling. They should slather each other with olive oil first, obviously.
October 19, 2011 at 12:36 pm
Exactly my first thought – “Uh, buy the right size and your pants won’t be all up in your business….”
October 19, 2011 at 1:44 pm
I’d like to add “and don’t wear leggings”.
October 19, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Lord,hear our prayer.
October 19, 2011 at 6:45 pm
And the Lord said, “Thou shalt not wear thy leggings nor jeggings as britches without covering thy bum before the eyes of thine neighbors, or thou shalt be considered the town slattern for all time.”
And so the women did cover their bums with extra-long shirts whence departing their domiciles , and the people of the town stopped writing disparaging phrases about them upon the public outhouse walls.
And when the women did abandon their glitter eyeshadow and Ugg boots the menfolk of the town who had many heads of livestock began to court them, and this made them glad.
And the Lord was pleased.
October 19, 2011 at 7:06 pm
loveseahag, I love you and I need to
steal thisspread the good word!October 20, 2011 at 2:06 am
I hope I’m not the only one that heard that in the voice of Michael Palin reading from the Book of Armaments?
October 20, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Nope, not alone – I kept waiting for “bless this thy hand grenade”
October 21, 2011 at 1:50 pm
I thought of the Reverend Lovejoy from The Simpsons, but hey, the Great Noodly One speaks to us in mysterious ways.
October 19, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Or at least if you do, wear them under a skirt or a very long shirt. Leggings =!= pants.
October 19, 2011 at 11:22 pm
Or wear tights and pretend they’re leggings.
I go to college. Girls here pretend leggings are pants, and then pretend tights are leggings, which follows that tights are pants and then I see things that are not on my list of things I need to see.
October 20, 2011 at 10:11 am
I am one of those girls at your school who wear leggings as pants and tights as leggings. I try to use my tall lankiness as justification, but sadly I’m just lazy.
October 19, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Or stop wearing jeggings for fuck’s sake! It’s a conspiracy.
October 19, 2011 at 2:53 pm
I thought that those women were wearing the pants so tight so that men would stare at their bajingos? Doesn’t the “vulva horn” defeat that purpose? Now I AM confused.
October 19, 2011 at 3:31 pm
Submitted for your approval, the ultimate CamToe anthem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3I64m0x6wI
“The only lips I wanna see are the ones that sing.”
October 19, 2011 at 10:30 pm
You mean instead of spending $20 on a pair of pants that fit properly, I could be spending $30 on a piece of fucking plastic?! Sign me up!
October 19, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Spandex is a privilege, not a right.
October 19, 2011 at 12:12 pm
But I like cameltoes…
October 19, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Then THIS is the product for you:
http://www.kontraband.com/pics/7841/Camel-Toe-Cup/
October 19, 2011 at 12:13 pm
A cheaper solution would be to just wear ultra-absorbant, thick maxipads all month long.
October 19, 2011 at 1:00 pm
Or just not leave the house.
Just don’t leave the house ladies!
October 19, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I try and try not to, but those darned kids keep demanding I go grocery shopping! *sniffle* Now, if only there was a cure for children..
October 19, 2011 at 11:24 pm
Bleach.
October 20, 2011 at 3:04 am
There is – coat hangers.
October 19, 2011 at 12:13 pm
Celine Dion should become a spokesperson for this product.
October 19, 2011 at 2:17 pm
You’ve just brought back memories of Opie & Anthony in the good old days and this very subject with that godawful music in the background and Anthony doing an hysterical imitation of CD. I have a modicum of self-respect and can’t go into details, but just know that an echo chamber was used.
October 19, 2011 at 3:58 pm
She could sing it too! The opening notes would be
Camel, toe, wherever you go
I`ll be here in your trousers, foreeever
October 19, 2011 at 12:13 pm
When my flaps get out of control, I just throw ‘em over my shoulder like a continental soldier. Now I don’t have to worry about getting them caught in the car door anymore! Thanks, Clam Smoothie!
October 19, 2011 at 12:25 pm
I feel more confident now. I used to think that whenever men looked my way, it was because of my flappy roastbeef curtains. Now I know they see the amazing womyn that I am! Thanks Clam Smoothie!!
October 19, 2011 at 12:33 pm
Don’t want clam smoothie.
October 19, 2011 at 2:01 pm
But it’s got banana in it.
October 19, 2011 at 10:56 pm
Not with that bit of plastic in the way, it doesn’t.
October 19, 2011 at 12:29 pm
ahhhaha that car door comment made me snort!the mental image of that is priceless!
October 19, 2011 at 1:34 pm
Can’t sleep
clam will eat me
October 19, 2011 at 12:14 pm
What… what the fuckety fuck… why.. why would I want to shove a bit of plastic into my panties that wasn’t vibrating?
October 19, 2011 at 12:24 pm
AGREED!!!!!!!
October 19, 2011 at 1:35 pm
You could just use your iPhone instead
October 19, 2011 at 5:00 pm
but whom shall iphone?
October 20, 2011 at 9:19 am
I think you may have hit on a new product idea here.
October 19, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Although, I was hoping for before and after shots on that video!
October 19, 2011 at 12:29 pm
Me too! I’m not forking out my hard earned dough for lip flap tamers, pics or it doesn’t work!
October 19, 2011 at 1:33 pm
There are some on the website. Not very graphic ones though.
October 19, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Well I want em to be graphic, darn it!
I want to know that all the ladies who get their lower lips caught in car doors can now be safe and confident all because of this little plastic bit!
October 19, 2011 at 4:06 pm
I was hoping for black and white footage so someone helplessly and hopelessly trying to deal with camel toe WITHOUT the Bajingo Horn. Like a woman trying to shove some folded up tissues or papers down her pants, then throwing up her hands in frustration when those items don’t eliminate the embarassing crotch cleft.
October 19, 2011 at 6:06 pm
I’m going to email you one million dollars and some puppies for the laugh you just gave me.
October 19, 2011 at 7:06 pm
Aww…normally only Nigerian princes and the South African lottery email me millions, and no one emails me puppies. Merci!
October 19, 2011 at 12:29 pm
That would be the ultra-deluxe model.
October 19, 2011 at 12:33 pm
I’m sold!!!!!
October 19, 2011 at 12:30 pm
fuckin-A!!!!!
October 19, 2011 at 1:34 pm
This is the best comment I have ever seen on Regretsy. Much love to you, madam.
October 19, 2011 at 6:55 pm
I was just about to ask if it came in a vibrating version.
October 19, 2011 at 10:25 pm
Whuh? I was just agreeing with Witch Lady.
October 20, 2011 at 9:44 am
COMMENT OF THE FOREVER.
October 19, 2011 at 12:15 pm
It occurs to me that the lady in the video wouldn’t suffer from floppy flaps issues if she didn’t select trousers so tight they cram half-way up her arse-crack.
But then what do I know, with my loose, jiggling cunt-lips all flapping about in the breeze.
October 19, 2011 at 12:33 pm
I was thinking her bangs look lost without major camel toe to balance them out. Ladies try to consider your over-all appearance instead of getting target fixation on one area.
October 19, 2011 at 1:37 pm
I know…I was too distracted by a desire to trim her bangs to even pay attention to her hilariously earnest discussion of the product.
October 19, 2011 at 1:54 pm
She could use a Smooth Groove for her forehead.
October 19, 2011 at 5:05 pm
“But then what do I know, with my loose, jiggling cunt-lips all flapping about in the breeze.”
cross-stitch sampler please.
October 20, 2011 at 2:40 am
i will buy this! i say “flapping about in the breeze” quite often.
October 19, 2011 at 7:55 pm
Our research so far suggests that there are only very minor differences between women of all shapes, sizes and ages
1) If they did research regarding fit, they’d know that no one needs a one-size-fits-all gap-filler, what everyone needs is clothing that fits.
2) I want to know how they did this research. Upskirt measuring cams? Did they get a few hundred woman to stand with their legs apart so their scientists could measure their cooch-width? Or did they base thier measurements on bajingo cupcakes and pendants on Etsy?
I have seen the variety of widths (floss to double-wide hammock) used in different brands of women’s knickers, and I call bullshit.
October 19, 2011 at 12:15 pm
This was an SNL product. I think it was called Camel Tame.
October 19, 2011 at 1:09 pm
That was a BRILLIANT commercial that they made. By far one of my favorites.
October 19, 2011 at 1:13 pm
That was my first thought, too. Looks like Miracle Bajingo Shoehorns have come a long way since then!
October 19, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Thanks for the link.
I actually think the joke version is somewhat LESS ridiculous.
October 19, 2011 at 12:15 pm
What the hell? Where is the close up modeling of this product in use? I am not going to fork over anything until I see before and after pix.
October 19, 2011 at 12:32 pm
I CONCUR! It’s the same with all of those “male enhancement” pills. I demand visual proof it works!
October 19, 2011 at 1:43 pm
I’d just be happy if they’d quit sending me Viagra and Ciallis emails that open with “Mr. Becka, enalrge your penis!”
Who the HELL told them about my small penis???
October 19, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Don’t feel bad, “Mister” Becka, I think your penis is just the right size!
October 19, 2011 at 7:29 pm
Thankfully, that’s *just* what my husband said!
October 19, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Well if you go to the right websites they give you some lovely *cough* photoshopped *cough* “after” images
October 19, 2011 at 12:33 pm
Agreed. I watched that entire video waiting for a before and after and all I got was Ms. Scraggly Bangs flapping her upper lips.
October 19, 2011 at 12:54 pm
There’s before and after pics on the website:
http://www.smoothgroovedesigns.com/
I’m still searching for product testimonials.
October 19, 2011 at 1:16 pm
I find the before picture oddly erotic…
October 19, 2011 at 6:14 pm
“Oddly” erotic? It’s of a vagina. Behind cloth!
October 19, 2011 at 2:10 pm
I kinda like camel toe… (in some, *not all*, instances).
This product is like having Barbie-privates… All smooth and plastic like a little lady-mound. Not happening.
October 19, 2011 at 3:14 pm
Yes! The labia is just as natural a body part as elbows or collarbones or butts. I think it’s a bit anti-female that they’re telling us to hide it as if it’s a disgusting defect. I don’t wanna have Barbie crotch!
October 19, 2011 at 2:27 pm
That’s not much of an improvement.
October 19, 2011 at 1:12 pm
Here you go:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/194722/saturday-night-live-camel-tame
October 19, 2011 at 2:12 pm
Damn iPad won’t let me watch it. Effin’ Flash player… Bah!
October 19, 2011 at 2:56 pm
Damn USA won’t let me watch it… Damn this being a Canadian. Bah!
October 19, 2011 at 12:15 pm
I bet there’s a sub-culture of fetishists just waiting to purchase these things “slightly used”.
October 19, 2011 at 12:31 pm
I’m surprised Japan doesn’t have a vending machine dispensing these things.
October 19, 2011 at 1:19 pm
Yet.
October 19, 2011 at 4:42 pm
I wonder how long before they start showing up on the knick knack shelves at Goodwill.
October 19, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Girls in Japan don’t wear pants, silly. Only tiny pleated skirts, and their panties are too frill-covered for camel toe to be an issue.
Also, all of them have blue hair and breasts larger than their heads.
October 19, 2011 at 12:16 pm
Next she’ll need to design one for the rear, since it looked like her ass-crack was trying to eat her pants from the other side. Hmmmm…maybe her pants are too small? Just a thought…
October 19, 2011 at 12:56 pm
What about the moose knuckle conscious consumer? Clearly they have not considered all of their tight pants wearing demographics!
October 19, 2011 at 12:16 pm
So this will get rid of camel toe… but what’s going to get rid of the giant moose knuckle that this will create?
October 19, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Another thing.. can you imagine how sweaty your bajingo would get wearing one of those things all the day? How sexy would you feel when you get to that part in the evening and someone is pulling your panties off with their teeth when, whamo.. the cunt cup slips out, pouring all the sweat over their face.. you can watch them scream and run as their face melts.
October 19, 2011 at 12:19 pm
But it’s ‘antibacterial’!!
*shudders*
October 19, 2011 at 12:21 pm
bollocks, unless it’s made of some new antibacterial fabric, my vag will have eaten through whatever light spraying of bleach they’ve coated it in within an hour
October 19, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Oh god.. can you imagine the result once thrush has set in (cotton panties ladies, plastic is not cotton!) and you have to scrape the white crap out of it every day?
Oh.. oh god.. I have put these images in my own head and now I can’t stop smelling them…
Curse you brain! Now I have to kill more of you with cheap whisky
October 19, 2011 at 12:37 pm
COULD SOMEONE PLEASE PASS THE MIND BLEACH?
Now you mention it, this thing is like an instant ticket to the front of the thrush queue. Grim.
October 19, 2011 at 3:16 pm
You dropped my jaw, Blue. Bravo!
October 19, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Nah, it’s made out of Crocs material – that shit doesn’t smell EVER. It’s insane….(I should know, as I often have to throw out shoes because they’ve become funky before their time).
October 19, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Perfect. Crocs for your crotch. Just what the world needs.
October 19, 2011 at 1:15 pm
It’d be comfy??? LOL!!!
“For the woman who has completely given up – a full line of Crocs underwear!!!”
October 19, 2011 at 7:00 pm
The ultimate granny-panty.
October 20, 2011 at 11:39 am
Yeah, but it isn’t anit-yeasty. Nothing moar sexxxy than itchy cottage cheese leaking out of your womanhood.
October 19, 2011 at 12:43 pm
Buy it for the smooth look, keep it for the yeast infection.
October 19, 2011 at 12:17 pm
“Many women have even gone to extreme lengths to rectify the camel toe problem, resorting to expensive and risky surgery.”
What the fuck? How the hell? I don’t even… HUH?!
What kind of surgery? What the hell exactly would they do, remove the lips entirely?
October 19, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Labiaplasty. Don’t look it up. Just trust me.
October 19, 2011 at 12:29 pm
I thought I’d be safe with the Wiki. I was wrong, so very wrong.
October 19, 2011 at 1:15 pm
don’t.ever.say.don’t.
*screams* …
*criesoblubs*
October 19, 2011 at 1:15 pm
When combined with Brazilian waxing™ and Vajazzle™ (buy handmade vajazzle supplies on etsy!), you can upgrade your labiaplasty to pedophileplasticbarbieplasty!
October 19, 2011 at 3:52 pm
iheartyourname!
October 19, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Vajazzling is absurdly silly, elective labioplasty is disgusting, but I don’t see the huge problem some people have with waxing. I definitely know some people like it, but I really, honestly hate burying my face in pubes. I rarely shave my armpits, and almost never shave my legs, but for the sake of my partner, less (and occasionally no) pubic hair seems acceptable.
October 19, 2011 at 5:05 pm
Hear, hear! I am also a long-time fan of not getting hair in my mouth, or inflicting the same on my partners. More fundamentally, though, how one grooms their private parts is really only the business of those who see it regularly. Unless you are a porn star, your genitals aren’t public business.
October 19, 2011 at 6:07 pm
Regrowth is itchy. And stubbly. I’ll leave it at that.
(I really don’t give a rat’s what other people do to their own bits, but no razor’s coming near mine.)
October 19, 2011 at 6:31 pm
I generally either wax or trim, not shave, so it just hasn’t been that itchy for me. Anyway, if I’ve found a guy/girl who wants to be down there all the time, I generally let them have some input into the situation.
October 19, 2011 at 7:39 pm
shaving is uncomfortable, but clippers work great with no itchy regrowth. just sayin’.
October 19, 2011 at 8:14 pm
and then, there’s clitter.. glitter for your vagina, Makes your yeast infection into a jewel collection. Although there is a risk of sparkle babies for pregnant women.
October 20, 2011 at 12:32 am
I like it trimmed, but being with someone who’s totally waxed or shaved makes me feel uncomfortably like a pedo. Just a creepy feeling, like when you lose a tooth and keep probing the site out of morbid curiosity.
October 20, 2011 at 5:50 pm
yes, now if only guys would trim their ball hair so I don’t get pubic floss.. LOL
October 19, 2011 at 6:15 pm
Oooh, this gives me an idea: I’m gonna buy the Bajingo Horn so my Vajazzle rhinestones don’t show through my clothes! No more “pants braille” for ME!
October 20, 2011 at 6:47 pm
when I read this I snorted ice cream through my nose and onto my keyboard. Damn that burns!
October 19, 2011 at 1:35 pm
I made my husband look it up for me, I may now be needing the services of a divorce attorney because he’s screaming phrases like “psychological torture”. :/
October 19, 2011 at 3:59 pm
I watched a video about it last week. It said something along the lines of “Disturbing images, viewer discretion” and I was all “Whatevs! I look at gross stuff all the time” and clicked play.
It showed a doctor SLICING OFF labia minora with a scalpel. My mind STILL plays this images to me at random, daily, and every time I feel the need to curl into a fetal position and scream forever.
October 19, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Vids on youtube even…. they remove skin and sew it all back together. Seems dreadful.
October 19, 2011 at 12:28 pm
there is a link to before & after pics of the surgery with googly eyes that made me pee myself a little right on regretsy!
October 19, 2011 at 12:29 pm
I imagined stitching the labia together.
October 19, 2011 at 2:32 pm
Apropos of nothing except this odd tangent on the thread, someone once told me that Krazy Glue can glue the labia together. Why? For “fun.”
What’s REALLY interesting—or alarming—is that over the course of about 12 hours, the woman’s natural secretions will dissolve the Krazy Glue. That’s good, because you wouldn’t want to use nail polish remover in such a sensitive area.
October 19, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Or do they just TELL people that to trick them into trying it, the way kids encourage other kids to lick metal in the winter? What if you tried it & the glue actually NEVER comes off? That is one freaky story, Mugsy!
October 19, 2011 at 4:04 pm
Actually I know someone who was the “demo bottom” (read: guinea pig) for the class. Years later she didn’t remember having it done, but I know people who were in the audience. She did have a piercing done that night and there were no problems, so the KG really dissolves. Not that I’m going to try it, however.
October 19, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Well, I suppose any woman who went through plastic surgery to get rid of her camel-toe disease must be effin’ pissed at herself now she knows about the Smooth Groove…
October 19, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Couldn’t this hypothetical cameltoe-phobic lady just try wearing a second pair of panties, or a pantiliner? Maybe sew an extra layer into the gusset of her undies- a cloth diaper would be great material to use. Or she could wear non-skintight pants. I really don’t believe this claim that someone out there paid for embarrassing & painful surgery just to prevent ‘toe. It’s likely just porn actresses, trophy wives & others who live by their twat who get labioplasty.
October 19, 2011 at 7:03 pm
For some reason now I can’t stop thinking of the sentence “I’ve lived by the twat, and I’ll die by the twat.”
October 19, 2011 at 3:16 pm
You know, I was more freaked out by the fact they were having this risky surgery in order to get a “designer vagina.”
WTF is a “designer vagina”?!?!?!?!?!
October 19, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Designa Vaginer
October 19, 2011 at 4:15 pm
I bet they would either sew them shut like in some African countries or install a zipper.
October 19, 2011 at 12:17 pm
They didn’t show a single bajingo in that video as proof of concept. I call shenanigans!!
October 19, 2011 at 12:17 pm
And, as a bonus, the next time someone tries to kick you in the crotch, you’ll have the added benefit of an athletic cup! Sort of! Of course, if you’re wearing your pants THAT tight, there’s no way people aren’t going to see the edges of your new plastic Insta-Barbie-a-fier.
Seriously. The sooner we ban the wearing of leggings and tights as pants, the saner and happier we will be, as a species. Just say no, ladies. WEAR PANTS.
October 19, 2011 at 12:33 pm
If “anal sex” is considered sex, then “stretch pants” are considered pants by the same logic.
October 19, 2011 at 12:39 pm
I’m afraid I have no idea how those two things are in any way related, but please don’t try to explain it. It will be my own personal little unfathomable koan of the day.
October 19, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Um… no. But I like your thinking.
October 19, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Then what’s your sartorial equivalent to oral sex being considered sex?
October 19, 2011 at 3:30 pm
culottes?
October 19, 2011 at 3:39 pm
So…stretch pants are like goatse?
October 19, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Uh, she kind of looks like her pants are having anal sex with her. Which may be her problem, really.
October 19, 2011 at 12:57 pm
This continues to be one of the most useful and important diagrams ever published on The Internet: http://www.buzzfeed.com/sly/am-i-wearing-pants
October 19, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Very confusing in the United Kingdom, though.
October 19, 2011 at 12:18 pm
‘It’s antibacterial…’ Sorry, but I’m going to need a lot more convincing than that before I let one of those near my bajingo two days in a row. Eeeeeeeeew.
October 19, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Under Care Instructions, it does say to wash it after every use. So, thank goodness for that.
October 19, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Waitaminute
From the website…
How long will it last?
For optimal performance we recommend that you replace your SmoothGroove every six months.
O_o What sort of cheap fucking plastic are they using that they need to be replaced every six months? I mean, my vag is acidic enough to bleach denim, but even I don’t think I could significantly dissolve one of those things within half a year.
October 19, 2011 at 12:20 pm
What you really need to ask yourself is.. do you want to wear the same piece of plastic wedged into your panties every day for 6 months?
October 19, 2011 at 12:40 pm
When you get married, aren’t you agreeing to having the same.. oh.. not quite the same thing.
October 19, 2011 at 1:19 pm
luv … it doesn’t vibrate afta marriage!
October 19, 2011 at 12:41 pm
Just throw it in the top rack of the dishwasher….viola!
October 19, 2011 at 12:56 pm
It’ll melt and become an odd shape like all cheap plastic spoons everywhere.
October 19, 2011 at 2:38 pm
Then you glue some glitter on it, photograph it on barnwood, make up a cupcakey story and, wah-lah, it’s an Etsy treasury item!
October 19, 2011 at 4:47 pm
With your dishes
October 19, 2011 at 12:53 pm
Well she did keep the same white pants for a ‘few years’
Ew.
October 19, 2011 at 12:19 pm
What’s sad is that I’ve seen several versions of this product. How is it not cheaper to just suck it up and buy pants that aren’t too tight? Seriously, ladies; if someone’s close enough to you that they can read the size tag inside your pants, chances are they don’t care what number is on it.
October 22, 2011 at 2:04 pm
I will play devil’s advocate in that in some costuming circles, making sure you have no visible camel toe or moose knuckles is important. No Make-A-Wish kid needs to see Superman’s junk through his spandex, or Wonderwoman’s meatcurtains. And Classic Superman can’t really suck it up and buy loose pants.
That said, the idea of these for everyday use is baffling.
October 19, 2011 at 12:19 pm
Ugh, I know what’s she’s talking about. I get major camel toe all the time, and it’s so embarrassing.
Oh wait, I’m a man.
That’s my penis.
NVMLOL
October 19, 2011 at 12:40 pm
I though male camel toes were called moose knuckles?
October 19, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Some of us consider that a good look! I enjoy it, anyway!
October 19, 2011 at 12:19 pm
It amazes me that she’s hung onto the same pair of post-Labor Day white pants for that long.
October 19, 2011 at 12:20 pm
And for all these years I’ve just been using my hands. Maybe this will stop the weird looks (and I won’t get booted off the bus so often….)
October 19, 2011 at 12:20 pm
You had me at “Filed in Vaginas”.
October 19, 2011 at 12:21 pm
must …. stop….
flapping
October 19, 2011 at 2:39 pm
Are you shufflin’ when you’re flappin’?
October 19, 2011 at 3:01 pm
yes
October 20, 2011 at 9:50 am
Every day!
October 19, 2011 at 12:21 pm
My annual Christmas Quandry is solved! Guess what my sisters are getting this year!!!
October 19, 2011 at 12:21 pm
as i watched the commercial I realized- those arent vines on the front- those are pubes. bleh.
October 19, 2011 at 12:22 pm
I’d pay to see that episode of Dragon’s Den.
October 19, 2011 at 12:49 pm
In all seriousness, I thought I HAD seen it on the Den? I’m off to hunt for evidence…
October 19, 2011 at 12:22 pm
From their site:
You can still use SmoothGroove if you shave your pubic hair. In fact, you are more likely to suffer from camel toe if you shave, so SmoothGroove is ideal for you.
Where the hell are they coming up with these “facts”?!
October 19, 2011 at 1:12 pm
from the same great mind that thinks we need to shove plastic down our pants to not get a crotch wedgie.
October 19, 2011 at 1:42 pm
I’m sure the fact is correct. It seems to me women who shave off their lower pubic hair are more likely to be the ones who wear way too tight pants then their unshorn counterparts.
October 19, 2011 at 2:38 pm
There is an interesting question of causality there. I have always thought that a shaved pubis contributed to camel toe, the bush being the natural net for the clam cleft. However, it may be a matter of a third factor that causes both shaved pubii and tight pants. This is interesting and I think the boys back at the smooth groove lab should get right on it. I smell publication!
October 19, 2011 at 5:15 pm
What you actually smell is pubication. A minor, but meaningful, difference.
October 19, 2011 at 6:29 pm
“natural net for the clam cleft” has made my day.
October 19, 2011 at 7:16 pm
Perhaps a merkin is in order, then. Natural fibers clenched ‘twixt your lower lips will allow your bajingo to breathe, but repel the upwardly mobile crotch of your too-tight jeans or thongs. (Be sure to work on your Kegels!)
October 20, 2011 at 1:09 pm
Science!
October 19, 2011 at 2:28 pm
I too would like to see the research, though possibly for different reasons.
October 20, 2011 at 9:54 am
You know, these people really need to look up the word “suffer”.
Children sold into sex slavery suffer.
People with cancer suffer.
Anyone having to look at the picture of the guy squirting paint out his asshole suffers (though on a much smaller scale).
Communism makes people suffer and die.
A frontal wedgie isn’t “suffering”.
(Though now I got a mental image of Dror dancing to “EVERY DAY I’M SUFFERING”).
October 19, 2011 at 12:23 pm
Sort of the anti-codpeice?
Will this spark a rash of knock-offs with late night informercials?
And what to expect after the immortal words “But wait! There’s more!”?
October 19, 2011 at 12:36 pm
I’m sure they’ll throw in a tube of Vagisil “ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!”
October 19, 2011 at 1:12 pm
I just think it will spark a rash period, that thing doesn’t look like it would let ones cooter breathe. Call me crazy but I would rather opt for properly fitting pants then to surround my love muffin with a piece of plastic. Not to mention if it’s hard plastic imagine that moment when your partner (or one night stand) goes to caress your nether regions and gets really confused as to why it feels like you are wearing a cod piece.
October 19, 2011 at 3:39 pm
If you make a sudden, clumsy movement I can imagine accidentally ramming the edge of the device into your flesh. OW!
October 19, 2011 at 12:23 pm
Do you think they make a male version that’ll hide my moose knuckle?
October 19, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Yeah, it’s called a cup…
October 19, 2011 at 12:58 pm
I suggest tucking.
October 19, 2011 at 1:31 pm
First, you need one of these:
Camel Joe (NSFW)
October 19, 2011 at 1:57 pm
That damned thing still makes me cringe. Partly in fear of findong one in my sons’ laundry hamper.
October 19, 2011 at 2:13 pm
I think that’s the exact opposite of what he needs.
October 19, 2011 at 2:42 pm
seems silly to go to all that trouble and then cover it up.
October 19, 2011 at 2:43 pm
The Smooth Groove is exactly what this guy needs. His contraption tucks in his penis and then the Smooth Groove cover any trace of “labia.”
The Eunuch Look—it’s what all fashionable gender-denying men are wearing this year!
October 19, 2011 at 8:51 pm
I feel like I should be playing “Goodbye Horses” when looking at that.
October 20, 2011 at 11:50 am
Can’t…Unsee. Ewwww.
October 19, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Seriously thinking about buying 50 and starting my fortune selling them listed as “worn once by a fat, jealous, loser” to all those freaky fetish people on craigslist…
October 19, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Is this for real? Is this a real thing?? The video reminds me something you’d see on the Daily Show. I also thought, that little thing will never hide “that engorged, rubbery poon of yours”.
October 19, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Sponsored by the makers of Monostat?
October 19, 2011 at 8:16 pm
yes, perfect thing to place on your yeast infection, a piece of plastic.
October 19, 2011 at 12:29 pm
At one point in my life, I owned a female athletic groin protector. It looked like a giant parrot beak, and was about as comfortable as I’d imagine jamming a giant parrot beak over your bajingo would be. This thing doesn’t look a whole lot more tolerable.
October 19, 2011 at 6:33 pm
What sport would you need one? Kick boxing? I’d like to know.
October 19, 2011 at 12:30 pm
From the website: “Why is there only one size?”
Well, that counts me out. I can’t be reassured that this will contain my fat pussy.
October 19, 2011 at 6:36 pm
Mrs. Sloecom, is that you?
October 19, 2011 at 7:11 pm
Count her out, and she is unanimous in that.
October 20, 2011 at 11:51 am
Are You Being Served? ref FTW!
October 19, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Designed by a girl that was dissapointed she couldn’t look like her barbie when she was naked.
October 19, 2011 at 7:14 pm
Oh, good, so they sell rigid plastic boobiecups too?
October 19, 2011 at 12:30 pm
besides isn’t that ‘ engorged, rubbery poon…’ a sign you are on heat?!
that’s when you want to display it all in its fine glory …
oh wait I’m thinking of something else …
nope …
correct first time round
October 19, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Why is there no before and after shot? How do I even know that it really works?
October 19, 2011 at 12:32 pm
I’ll just wear a skirt, thank you, and let the ladies flap where they will!
October 19, 2011 at 12:51 pm
I’ll just wear panties with enough material to cover the mound lol. Isn’t that one of the actual purposes of wearing them? I’d rather wear underwear than a thong and a piece of plastic.
October 19, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Fuck that, it’s tight pants, and that florally pattern imprinting through the crotch of my pants .
I mean if THAT’S not special enough to garner attention, I dunno what is.
October 20, 2011 at 4:36 am
Brazilian+thong+tight pants= HELLO, VULVA.
If you don’t want the camel toe, just go Olde Skool and wear real underwear over your nature-given bush and cover it all up in proper trousers.
Also, MAH LAWN: STAY OFFA IT.
October 19, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Now I’m wondering what she is going to do about the fact that those trousers also ride way up her crack …
October 19, 2011 at 1:09 pm
Her ass crack looks like camel toe. Time to head to the gym, or enlarge this thing from bellybutton to ass end.
October 19, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Looks like someone already got on top of that pesky ass crack problem:
October 19, 2011 at 1:57 pm
aw crap. the pic showed in the preview.
October 20, 2011 at 11:54 am
Honestly, she must either have to “Shout” out those skidmarks with industrial pretreater or never shit. Maybe she has a colastomy bag…?
October 19, 2011 at 12:34 pm
One step closer to looking like a supermodel.
October 19, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Oh, abso-frickin-lutely. I mean, I’m 4’10″, 13 stone (that’s er, 13*14, er, lots of pounds), but it’s the fact I have visible chuff-age when wearing too-tight trousers that’s holding me back from that Vogue front cover.
Well, not any more!
October 19, 2011 at 1:19 pm
Admitting you have a problem is the first step. Don’t you feel bettr now?
October 19, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Not enough people use the word “chuff”.
Although I’m starting to wonder now about my elders’ habit of describing themselves as “well chuffed” when they’re happy.
October 19, 2011 at 12:34 pm
There is no way that wouldn’t make you look like you had a cock.
October 19, 2011 at 12:36 pm
October 19, 2011 at 12:37 pm
ENGORGED RUBBERY POON PORN!!!
October 19, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Don’t you dare try to tell me that this is unattractive.
October 19, 2011 at 12:40 pm
No way that little piece of plastic is working on that.
October 19, 2011 at 12:44 pm
Maybe a bike helmet.
October 19, 2011 at 12:44 pm
now that’s a smile and a half!
October 19, 2011 at 4:29 pm
But the site says that they only have one size because “Our research so far suggests that there are only very minor differences between women of all shapes, sizes and ages.”
October 19, 2011 at 7:19 pm
I’m guessing their research involved a stack of Victoria’s Secret calalogs and a magnifying glass.
October 19, 2011 at 12:43 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 19, 2011 at 12:53 pm
I think she might have turned her head all the way around.
October 19, 2011 at 12:55 pm
That is not camel toe. Or moose knuckle. That is front butt.
October 19, 2011 at 1:03 pm
I call it “The Dom Deluise”.
October 19, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Years ago, that pic was floating around with the ORLY? owl popping up thru the camel toe.
I lolled.
October 19, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Wait for it….
October 19, 2011 at 2:27 pm
At first I thought that was a CD coming out. In fact, that may even be somewhat more amusing (to me at least
October 19, 2011 at 9:36 pm
Now, I would totally buy *that* USB stick…
October 19, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Damn those RUS hiding inside her. Must kill it with fire
October 19, 2011 at 3:05 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 19, 2011 at 5:33 pm
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
I’m plotzing!!!
October 19, 2011 at 9:31 pm
Emperor of Finland: I love you!
October 20, 2011 at 8:17 am
fucking whore ass comment of the day already!!! Lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooo
October 20, 2011 at 11:56 am
There’s tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.
October 19, 2011 at 1:30 pm
I call that the double butt syndrome, one in back, and one in front. And hell yes it’s attractive!
October 19, 2011 at 5:51 pm
What syndrome shall we call this?
Shot at 2011-10-19
October 19, 2011 at 6:45 pm
Is that Ron Jeremy or Jesus?
October 19, 2011 at 6:57 pm
This guy’s butt is hairy, and as everyone knows, Jesus Shaves…
October 19, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 19, 2011 at 6:41 pm
I think I found out where the rest of Al Queda is hiding!
October 19, 2011 at 6:56 pm
Fuck the shoehorn.. Someone get this bitch a skateboard!
October 19, 2011 at 7:15 pm
Damn! Her cunt has more cleavage than my boobs.
October 20, 2011 at 8:19 am
But they say one size fits all!! I guess fucking not!
October 19, 2011 at 12:41 pm
someone had to post it … I guess its me!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBIGwtyqBhA
October 19, 2011 at 12:46 pm
ahahaha! I love it!
October 19, 2011 at 3:44 pm
That was my husband’s favourite song a couple years ago. I had forgotten all about it til now though. Thanks so much for the link!
October 19, 2011 at 5:08 pm
you are most welcome *bigcheesygrin*
October 19, 2011 at 12:43 pm
Pfft – another overpriced product for a problem that can be solved with a stapler and gaffer’s tape. Doesn’t anyone read Heloise anymore?
October 19, 2011 at 12:44 pm
Buffalo Bill approves.
October 19, 2011 at 1:05 pm
I love you!
October 19, 2011 at 1:43 pm
COMMENT OF THE DAY AWARD?
October 19, 2011 at 1:46 pm
October 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm
shoot, that should have been:
October 19, 2011 at 3:06 pm
I seriously love you too!
October 19, 2011 at 3:36 pm
Proposal accepted!
Now where is that darned minister…
October 19, 2011 at 5:10 pm
hey now …. lets not rush things … *chuck bottle of bourbon is so forth direction and runs….fast*
October 19, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Whoa, that design looks like a cock!
I didn’t see it until it was on Capt. Stottlemeyer… uh, Buffalo Bill.
October 19, 2011 at 4:30 pm
I did not realize how much the design looked like a dick until just this minute.
October 19, 2011 at 12:46 pm
She says this thing is held in place by your trousers. How is that supposed to work? What if this thing escapes your labia and shoots down your pants leg? Do you just nonchalantly kick it away or find some sneaky way to recover it?
October 19, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Put it in your panties? I know I’d love a plastic shoe horn in my panties. But I figure if you wear pants that are the right size for you, you likely won’t need this. I have no trouble believing that white pants lady can keep the cooter horn in place, no problem.
October 19, 2011 at 3:46 pm
The SNL joke version had an adhesive strip, like a pad. It was actually superior!
October 19, 2011 at 4:32 pm
The site assures us that it will not fall out. So we have wedgie lady’s word of honor.
October 19, 2011 at 7:03 pm
i am wondering what do you do if it slips out of place and starts chafing where it shouldn’t…. if your pants are too tight i can imagine this digging into your skin to the point of being beyond a super wedgie.
October 19, 2011 at 12:47 pm
All issues of hygiene aside, the real question is, will it go with my vajazzling?
October 19, 2011 at 12:48 pm
I’m going to develop my own product for men. **Hey fellas, are you tired of you sack showing through your trousers? What about your dong poking from your pants?? Well now you don’t have to worry about showing the world your wang….introducing The C*ck Block! (cue rooster crow) Place one down your pants and to the outside world, you’ll look like a Ken doll. Just 29.95! Two sizes, Regular and OMG!. It’s a medical-grade plastic; soft, yet firm. Fully equipped with an access port for those trips to the Gentleman’s room. Comes with free decal sheet to customize your C*ck Block. Choose from, Dragons, Ed Hardy, Motorcycles, Kittens or Gay Pride. Call now…Operator’s are standing by***
October 25, 2011 at 6:54 pm
Uh…I hate to say it, but that’s what the “Camel Joe” thing sorta does. It’s marketed at guys who fantasize about being women or eunuchs, but it does definitely hold down the package. But wait, it gets WORSE!….Some poor writer at Esquire magazine actually tested something that does the opposite of suppressing a moose knuckle, and it’s called a “push-up thong.” He reported that women on the NYC subway were both horrified and fascinated, but he was mostly annoyed by the massive wedgie it gave him.
Yeah
October 19, 2011 at 12:48 pm
This will also be handy during Kickboxing exhibitions.
October 19, 2011 at 12:56 pm
Does it vibrate?
I’ll buy one if it vibrates.
October 19, 2011 at 12:57 pm
October 19, 2011 at 12:58 pm
That woman has a weird product, awful haircut and yet the fancy accent still makes it seem legit.
October 19, 2011 at 12:59 pm
I brazenly show off my impressive camel toe every chance I get. Don’t tell a soul, but before a night on the town, I shove a couple of vienna sausages down there to enhance my already abundant bulge. If it’s good enough for 80′s hair metal front-men, it’s good enough for yours truly. Who’s with me?
October 25, 2011 at 6:55 pm
Aren’t you supposed to use a cucumber wrapped in aluminum foil?
October 19, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 19, 2011 at 1:01 pm
Huh. Well the preview worked. Anyway, try this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBIGwtyqBhA
October 19, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Is there a male version…cause sometimes my boys hang a little low and I trip over them!
October 19, 2011 at 1:13 pm
See my above post for the C*ck Block.
October 19, 2011 at 1:15 pm
I love how the avatars seem to relate to each other.
October 19, 2011 at 3:07 pm
no … that be your shoelace
October 19, 2011 at 1:05 pm
They have their own cocktail! Made with raspberries, vanilla vodka, and lime juice. Serve in a champagne flute.
October 19, 2011 at 3:49 pm
“They” who? Cameltoes?
October 19, 2011 at 1:05 pm
:’) I’ve been off shooting life out of my bajingo and my god how I’ve missed all of you fat, jealous, sloppy cunted bitches! now I officially feel like I’m home!
October 19, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Mazel Tov on your crotch fruit!
October 19, 2011 at 4:33 pm
I am going to choose to believe that your newest arrival truly shot out. I’m picturing a giant catcher’s mit on the opposite wall.
October 25, 2011 at 6:56 pm
Honestly, that’s not far off. My doctor says “catching the baby” is not really much of an exaggeration.
October 19, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Is it just me, or does the heart-shaped ‘logo’ look like a camel toe itself?
Not giving me much confidence in the product…
October 19, 2011 at 1:10 pm
A woman would have to be staggering. Drunk.
October 19, 2011 at 1:11 pm
I have a professor that needs one of these. I swear that woman only buys and wears pants that give her a bajingo wedgie. It makes it pretty awkward for us to sit and stare at her for a four hour lecture.
October 19, 2011 at 3:54 pm
Why did I make a Gilligan’s Island parody in my brain while reading that?
October 20, 2011 at 8:23 am
3 hour tour…4 hour lecture…
October 19, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Could be worse. I had a prof with severe facial twitches. We all quickly learned to stare at the wall behind her because if you looked at her, you forgot everything and stared at the twitching.
(To be honest, she’s one of the best teachers I ever had. She wasn’t afraid to fall out of her chair laughing when we made dumb mistakes. Like reading descriptions of “the rolling green testicles of Tuscany.”)
October 19, 2011 at 1:12 pm
I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel naive at my age, but I do. I never heard of camel toe before…and haven’t had to worry about it because I hate tight clothing!
October 19, 2011 at 1:16 pm
It was a line in “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum” that took me 15 or so years to understand.
October 19, 2011 at 1:49 pm
it took me…
…third time around
October 19, 2011 at 6:23 pm
I read that as “a furry thing happened on the way to the forum” I think that means it’s time for another drink.
October 20, 2011 at 10:25 am
Nope, that’s the title of the porn parody.
October 19, 2011 at 1:21 pm
http://www.cuchini.com/
Okay, see, I think this one is worse. But it may be the creepsters presenting it. Or the transvestite camel. The guy that likes camel toe. Beacheerleader.
Someone has to give me an opinion. I can’t decide otherwise.
October 19, 2011 at 1:27 pm
I agree… that’s definitely worse! Ordinarily, having a transgendered animal mascot would be a selling point for me, but when I heard that camel’s creepy dude voice, it was all over for me.
October 19, 2011 at 8:24 pm
You mean a transgendered, trans-species mascot. After all it is a woman’s body with a camel’s head.
Which doesn’t really make sense for the product.
Surely it should be a woman with the feet of a camel, if they want to be on point.
October 19, 2011 at 1:57 pm
The product looks like it might be better. It looks a lot softer and bendier. On the other hand, it also looks like it’s one use, or at least has a maximum number of uses before you need a new one. But if I was in the market for something like that, I’d boycott the cuchini, just for that obnoxious beach interview bit. The only purpose of that seems to be to wreck potential costumers’ self-esteem, with those fit, beautiful people talking about how gross camel toe is. I’ll decide for myself whether I want camel toe or not, I don’t care what anyone thinks!
October 19, 2011 at 4:40 pm
What was with the creepy guys? Especially the one that kept rubbing his chest. Definitely not a selling point.
October 19, 2011 at 1:25 pm
I’m a bit disconcerted that this thing makes my cooch look like an enchanted forest. I’ll take a camel toe over “I wonder what wild things lie inside!” any day.
October 19, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Surgery? For SERIOUS?
October 19, 2011 at 2:03 pm
That’s what I thought…camel toe reduction surgery is news to me.
October 19, 2011 at 2:45 pm
I think it’s just called labia reduction surgery. I came across an article a couple years ago about how all the porn stars are getting it and it’s creating even more impossible standards for “normal” women. Normal being women who don’t want to chop off their protective layers of vag so they can be more adequately gang-banged.
October 19, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Labiaplasty.
October 19, 2011 at 1:26 pm
So, it’s a cup, then. For the ladyparts.
*makes confused face*
October 19, 2011 at 1:26 pm
October 19, 2011 at 1:29 pm
YES!!!
October 19, 2011 at 2:08 pm
The camel’s toes now look phallic.
October 19, 2011 at 4:30 pm
The thing looked phallic anyway, if they’re going to put a design on it that looks like a penis just go all out. It’s almost like they tried to pretend like the design wasn’t a penis so people wouldn’t be upset….. What is the world coming to?
October 19, 2011 at 1:37 pm
But what if your camel toe goes over that little piece of plastic? Do they have’em in different shapes and sizes? Because looking at that thing it could barely hold one side or it could just push it all up making you looking like you have a grinning camel toe. Though I do give her props for this because it will sell.
October 19, 2011 at 3:13 pm
Or if God forbid it slides to the side and goes vertical! >shudder<
October 19, 2011 at 3:53 pm
That was my first thought- the potential for vulvar bruising in case of misalignment. It could easily happen, if you’re leaping over a puddle or doing anything else energetic.
October 19, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Sampler?
YOUR COOTER IS TOO BIG TO FAIL
October 19, 2011 at 1:45 pm
This would be great if I were dressing up like Hedwig for Halloween. I’d have an angry inch!
October 19, 2011 at 1:46 pm
The original Cooter Cozy!
October 19, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Oh thank gawd! I finally have an answer to mah prayers!
It’s been sooo embarrassing when I go out for a drive with friends and they open the car windows. My flappidy old cooter lips make so much noise, it’s hard to hear the conversation.
Thanks, Bajingo Smoothie!
October 19, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Before buying: “Oh, I love these slacks and how they ride up my ass and outline my varicose veins, but not how they give me a cameltoe! I mean, I like looking cheap and tawdry, but not THAT cheap and tawdry!”
After buying: “Sorry, dear, not tonight, my cunt is chafed from the Smooth Groove.”
“Dear, your pussy seriously stinks. Have you washed out your Smooth Groove lately?”
“Holy SHIT! What the HELL is with that DISCHARGE!?!?”
“You need ANOTHER Smooth Groove? You’ve lost six already! They drop out your pants when you go to the mall!”
In the ladies’ room: “Oops, is this your Smooth Groove or mine? Doesn’t matter, they’re antibacterial!” (And thus a horrible plague results.)
At the bar: “Man, her pants are skin-tight! But…look at that…you can’t see her twat…what’s up with that? Does she not have one? I mean, why wear pants that tight if you’re not showing off the camel toe? Something’s wrong with that chick.”
October 19, 2011 at 2:00 pm
NSFW
That A) fits in my pants, B) vibrates while there, and C) can be controlled using my MP3 player or smart phone.
If I’m shoving plastic in my pants, it better be doing something while it’s there.
October 19, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Singer Kelis really could have used a Smooth Grove when she wore this and other outfits like it.
October 19, 2011 at 2:06 pm
Yeah, it’s the camel toe that really ruins an otherwise understated, elegant ensemble.
October 19, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Kelis gets a pass though because her milkshake must be visible for the all the boys in the yard. It’s better than ours, she could teach us but she’d have to charge.
October 19, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Problem is, she’s wearing the SuperSize version…on her feet
October 20, 2011 at 6:57 am
life size barbie shoes! I can’t beleive I am the first to recognize them!
October 19, 2011 at 8:02 pm
what the fuck is on her feet?
October 19, 2011 at 2:02 pm
I know this is old fashioned, but if she didn’t shave her biff bald, the pubes would do the job without need for that strange contraption.
October 19, 2011 at 2:44 pm
That’s what I was thinking.
October 19, 2011 at 6:37 pm
I respectfully disagree. Cameltoe prevention requires an EPIC bush, and not everyone can generate the necessary volume and thickness.
October 20, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Fair comment. I suppose it does depend on how luxuriant the hairs on your dickie-dido are.
October 19, 2011 at 2:06 pm
If you have and do not want cameltoe, then you are wearing the wrong cut/size of pants/shorts.
When I see camel toe out in public, I assume the woman wanted to display her wares for all to see.
So I don’t think a market for this really exists.
Cause either you don’t want to show off your business and are wearing something that fits you properly and have no fear of toe-ness.
Or you do want to greet everyone with where you are keeping your self-esteem and wouldn’t want to “smooth things over”
If she’s sold any the only thing she’s managed to do is market her particular fears of her particular body (clearly she is afraid of her snatch and wants as much distance between it and the rest of the world as possible) to other women and convince them to be afraid and give her money.
October 19, 2011 at 2:19 pm
“The Stylist’s Secret”? Wait – there are Bajingo Stylists? I’m in the wrong damn career! And anyway, if you’re that embarrassed I’d think a good thick pantyliner would have an equally attractive end result.
So as somebody new to the exciting world of Bajingo Styling I’ll be checking out ITT Tech to see if they do one of those ‘hands on’ training courses they advertise. Meanwhile it strikes me that the concept of “Styling By Covering Up” is a little weak; that’s like having a hair stylist who gives the model a swimming cap to wear. Frankly I’d rather see what could be done with the judicious application of bobby pins and hair spray. Or, on second thoughts, maybe I wouldn’t.
October 19, 2011 at 4:36 pm
The woman who told me my biopsy results introduced herself as my “Breast Navigator”. My first thought was that I had been navigating them just fine for 40 years. Sounds like a great pairing with “Bajingo Stylist”.
October 20, 2011 at 8:25 am
I hear sound of submarine sonar when I think of “Breast Navigator”.
October 19, 2011 at 4:43 pm
But you can’t wear a good thick pantyliner to the beach. So we all need to buy one. For the beach. Or we could buy clothes that fit, but that would be insane.
October 19, 2011 at 2:24 pm
Damn, I like the look of her website. That’s not to say that I am falling for that abhorrently pointless product that also contributes to antibacterial abuse. The only way I could forgive her is if her camel toe actually prevents her bajingo from cleansing itself properly.
October 21, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Wait! You have a self-cleaning vagina! I’m jealous.
October 19, 2011 at 2:45 pm
… I’m totally a slacker and didn’t read every damn word in the previous comments, but did NOBODY ELSE notice that the design on this thing looks like a stylized penis?
October 19, 2011 at 4:43 pm
I didn’t until the “Silence of the Lambs” pic.
October 19, 2011 at 8:09 pm
YES. I scanned the comments waiting to see someone, anyone, point out the ornately tattooed penis the woman wants people to stick to their lady parts.
Countdown to these getting turned into a necklace and featured on the Etsy frontpage in 3… 2…
October 19, 2011 at 2:58 pm
So now after having to fend off menstruation with pads/tampons for a week every month, this bitch expects us to wear a glorified jock strap too? Plus we’re all expected to get bikini waxes and dye our junk pink? Let them be free! Or just wear fucking underwear and real pants.
I can’t wait for the American infomercial knock-off. So much potential.
October 19, 2011 at 3:14 pm
“Free the Bajino” Would it be better as a sampler or a bumpter sticker?
October 19, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Sweatpants with the slogan emblazoned across the ass.
October 19, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Awesome – although sort of a bumper sticker, yes?
October 19, 2011 at 3:01 pm
I wonder if Storm Large has heard of this?
Clearly not big enough if she is 8 Miles Wide!
Love love love this song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5U-YT-mRmI
October 19, 2011 at 4:00 pm
This post reminds me of when, several years ago, I had to explain the concept of camel toe to my mother. (we were trying on exercise clothes and I was trying to explain why a certain pair of leggings didn’t work for me)
She was far too delighted to have a term for the phenomenon, and to this day will gleefully point out pictures in magazines that she has recognized as having camel toe.
Thank you for taking the time to listen to my tale of woe. You may now return to your regularly scheduled fuckery.
October 19, 2011 at 4:12 pm
Reminds me of MANY years ago when my grandmother saw a you woman laying out on the beach with a camel toe bathing suit. My usually rather proper grandmother looked and said “why doesn’t she just plant a flag in it?” Way to go grandma!
October 19, 2011 at 4:20 pm
I’m not sure I can adequately express just how disgusting “clam smoothie” sounds.
October 19, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Oh, it’s not so bad if you add a little Tabasco and a wedge of lemon.
October 19, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Padmé Amidala Camel-Toe
October 20, 2011 at 6:28 am
awesome
October 19, 2011 at 5:36 pm
the most amazing thing about all of this is that it’s an actual industry.
this one’s been around since spouse no. 2 {in all that that signifies}:
DontBumpTheCoochEEny
that one also advertises Invisinips {you can imagine if you dont wanna click}, &
their own blog, which highlights or lowlights, yr own choice, celebrities who havent yet discovered their product:
JLoCamelToe
they dont seem to have updated it since february, however.
October 19, 2011 at 5:52 pm
It sounds like a medical device… I wonder if insurance would cover it?
October 19, 2011 at 5:55 pm
From the product website:
___
How long will it last?
For optimal performance we recommend that you replace your SmoothGroove every six months.
___
This thing is made of plastic. Do they think my ladybits ooze molten metal? Perhaps they believe that the stubble and shaving bumps will just erode the fucker away to nothing within half a year? I don’t get it.
October 19, 2011 at 6:27 pm
Beware the highly corrosive bajingo-juice and labia of sandpaper! Cuts through plastic like a hot knife through butter.
October 19, 2011 at 6:43 pm
Your wording made a Lewis Carrol poem pop into my head. Only…altered.
“Beware the flabbertwat, my son,
the jaws that bite, the claws that catch;
Beware the acid-crotch
and shun the frumious sander-snatch!”
October 20, 2011 at 7:07 pm
HKpril, what do you think? Comment of the day? I think so at least.
October 19, 2011 at 6:09 pm
What happens when you’re making out with a guy and he reaches into your pants? He’d think that you had a prosthetic vagina, or you are really a man with a small penis and you’re wearing a tiny cup.
October 19, 2011 at 6:25 pm
Even in the after pics on the site, you can see the dang thing through the cloth and it looks like a pad or incontinence product. Which are cheaper and you probably already own… at least one of those. I’m also sure it would fall down your pants leg at yoga or something and everyone would have to ignore it, all the while thinking you were some sort of perv. Or if you were at the park, a dog would run up and eat it or something.
Also, I had already heard of the Cuchini, shudder, but couldn’t recall the name, so thanks a lot for making me google “camel toe”.
BTW, apparently a lot of people are into C-Ts.
October 19, 2011 at 8:02 pm
My bajingo has a first name, it’s Bajin…j, i…Oh.
October 19, 2011 at 8:18 pm
This really brightened up my day. I had the misfortune this morning of hearing Anne Coulter talking about how single mothers are raising strippers, and Jillian Michaels talking about how women who dress sexily are ‘inviting danger’ (ie rape)- and that put me in an incredibly foul mood.
Thankfully Regretsy is the cure for everything and now I feel much better.
Thank you!
October 19, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Her site has a helpful little note in the upper left hand corner that says “there are zero items in your basket.”
Wearing one of those cuntcozies will ensure that nothing ever gets in your basket again.
October 19, 2011 at 10:23 pm
Can I turn this around and keep my granny panties from climbing up my asscrack?
October 20, 2011 at 3:05 am
Ok, let me get this straight. Although we are all predisposed, Women are not to have fat, wrinkles, hair on anything other than their head in pleasing quantities, be pleasant at all times and pretend they don’t have a labia? Yea, fuck that.
October 20, 2011 at 5:15 pm
If you put one on while wearing a Changed Man Bikini, does a black hole open up, or…?
October 20, 2011 at 6:32 pm
I have questions.
1) Is it BPA-FREE?
2) How would you stop this Miracle Bajingo Shoehorn from falling out of your pants every time you used the restroom? Or are women not supposed to have labia AND never go to the bathroom?
Gross. Ouch. Get that shoehorn the fuck away from my ladybits.
Real panties and real pants. Or just say fuck it and wear sweatpants. Problem solved.
October 21, 2011 at 10:35 am
As important as an attractive bajingo area is, don’t forget The Rapture happens at 3:30pm Eastern Standard Time today, sez Harold Camping.
Don’t forget to wear clean underwear, I understand dirty skivvies is a deal-breaker.
October 24, 2011 at 6:58 pm
But this will prevent me from looking like my idol Donita Sparks… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCk32ULuRYA
October 31, 2011 at 1:27 pm
Sweet God. I studied abroad in that city she is prancing about in this summer for ten weeks. Poor, poor, poor Newcastle, England.
There is definitely a market for this there though since NO ONE THERE KNOWS WHAT PANTS ARE. All of the girls run around in leggings/tights and little shirts.
November 3, 2011 at 4:39 pm
And why not make it solid? Wouldn’t the little frilly plastic bits have a predisposition to catch on any soft, nerve-containing bits of anything human shoved up against them? *shudder*
Not to mention getting hair woven all through it like a wool comb.